I completely and utterly messed my hair up!

[Liene]

It’s been a while since I posted here, I cheated on LHC with bleach and hairextensions ;), which leads me here again today, with fluffy pieces of non-hair and loads of shame ;)


Quick note: that is me in my avatar picture, with cheeky clip in extensions. I want my hair to look like that, or at least be that lenght again and healthy!


7 years ago, I lost a lot of hair after having my DS. I felt so bad about it-my hair was one of the only things I actually liked about the way I look- that I got the worst hairextensions in the world. After washing them, they knotted so badly, my own (still long, but thin) hair got all tangled up in it. A knot the size of my fist had to be cut out, including a big chunck of my already sad looking own hair. The ‘solution’: more hairextensions, so more damage. This went on and on, until I was so sick of them, threw them out the door and ended up here. I grew my hair out, it looked quite ok-ish, but still not as good as it did before. So, since I am the biggest idiot in the world ;)- I got extensions again. On top of that, I decided I loved being blonde, so I went lighter and lighter everytime I had some highlights done (I told you I’m an idiot ;)).


So that brings me to today. I want to go more natural, so I took the extensions out, dyed it dark-ish blonde again (my colour), and now I have the saddest little birdnest of hair I can think of.


I’m already using only conditioner, potent hairmasks, and lots of oil. Are there any tips of former hairabusers? Or anyone who wants to tell me me and my hair will be okay ;)?


Thank you all-in advance J

[Liene]

I should mention I had a lot of difficulty writing this, the tab-thingy kept jumping, so I ended up writing it in word, and pasting it here. It looks so tiny, sorry for that!

[M.McDonough]

Well, welcome back!
I'm just going to say what I probably always say.
Eat right, take care of yourself and avoid stress. retrace your steps, see if you're not doing these things. That's all I can say

[Quasiquixotic]

You and your hair will all be okay. :grouphug:

Your face is lovely I your photo. Seriously!

[Stormynights]

You sound like my daughter. She is so beautiful but she will not stop abusing her hair.

[meteor]

Hi, Liene! :D It's great that you took those extensions out. Your scalp and hair will thank you for it! ;) Do you have any thinning from them? If so, I'd do stimulating massages with a soft brush of just fingers, with hair oils or with nothing.

Also, since your hair has been bleached and dyed, pre-poo oiling (http://science-yhairblog.blogspot.ca/2014/03/oil-pre-shampoo-or-pre-wash.html) with penetrating oils (e.g. coconut) and protein treatments (e.g. gelatin mask (http://science-yhairblog.blogspot.ca/2014/04/gelatin-protein-treatment-recipe-update.html) or Joico K-Pak Reconstructor, etc) would be quite useful.

Try keeping hair contained (in buns and/or braids) as much as possible, sleeping on silky smooth materials and using fingers or a seamless wide-tooth comb for very gentle detangling. Treat your hair super-gently, avoid all additional damage, protect it at all times and it should grow out well. ;)
Best of luck! And Happy Growing! :D

[lapushka]

I’m already using only conditioner, potent hairmasks, and lots of oil. Are there any tips of former hairabusers? Or anyone who wants to tell me me and my hair will be okay ;)?

It's a long-term commitment, and you have to be *ready* for it. It took me 10 years to get to classic (one more cm) with all virgin hair. You know why it took me so long? Because I couldn't leave the dye, bleach and henna alone. I had to have my hair cut back to chin twice, once because of a chemical cut & burn. So yes, I was stupid. Until it hit me, after that burn that that wasn't the way to go. I developed a strong case of patience and dedication, and now here we are - it can be done!

Just keep up the good hair care, low manipulation, no excessive heat. You're off to a great start. Just keep it up! Oh, and happy growing! :D

[Liene]

Thank you so much, all of you :)

@M. Mcdonough, thank you! I'll keep your advice in mind for sure! Especially the eating thing-I try but I'm rubbish at it ;) I'm a vegetarian, but a bad one: I don't really replace meat and fish with other proteins enough. I'm on a diet not, trying to eat really clean, and I'm hoping it will have an effect on my hair too :)

@ Quasiquixotic: Thank you so much, very much appreciated :)! Huge hug back!

@ Stormynights: Please tell your daughter I told her to listen to you ;) It's what I'd tell my younger self: listen to mum, don't touch the hair! She does know best!

@ Meteor: Thank you for the advice! I keep it in a-literally, not being a drama queen ;)- half an inch diameter bun on the top of my head, because I feel te need to cry when I see it down, haha! I will try all of the things you directed me to, thank you!

@ Lapushka: my goodness, Classic is a dream! Congradulations! I hope I can tell a silly girl who broke her hair the same thing in ten years ;) It's basically chin lengt for me now, maybe even shorter if I'd cut off all the damage (think 'bald' is the word I'm looking for, haha). I'm going to extremely good with my hair, I'm ready to give up all the bad stuff and move on to the natural things. Thank you :)

[DollyDagger]

confessions of a former fellow hair abuser-

One time way way back in another decade i put an ash brown box dye over a henna that i had put over blonde which left my hair canary orange... Anyways..it turned my hair a dark brown but with a horrible green undercast kinda like the color of duck poop. lol

I visited mabye 3 hairdressers who tried various toners and whatnot get rid of that green undertone. The last one decided that bleaching it out was the only way. She proceeded to strip and double process it. At the end of the 8 hour appointment my scalp felt like a big bloody open wound and my hair the texture of steel wool. The green stayed away for a few days then reared its ugly head again.


Thats just one of the incredible silly hair mishaps ive subjected myself to over the years-live and learn :) youre not alone


Just wanted to share and commisurate and assure you that of course your hair will be fine. and as mentioned with your pretty face im sure youd look lovely with any hair-do in the meantime while you get it back into shape and at the length you desire.

[Liene]

Oh DollyDagger, doesn't that sound familiar ;) I even forgot to mention my orange episode! That wondeful moment I decided I was smart enough to dye my own hair- really, I wasn't ;)

It's horrible you had to go through this too, but I'm so happy to hear your hair is recovered! Thank you for the compliment, so much :)

When I'm feeling brave I will post a picture of the current state of me ;)

[LauraAlaina]

Ugh I also am in the extensions cycle!! Never again...

[Stormynights]

Most everyone has at one time or another messed up their hair. Thank God it grows back or we would all look like dolls that have been drug around and loved too much. We keep getting more chances with our hair.

[Liene]

Ugh I also am in the extensions cycle!! Never again...

They're such a pain aren't they? I'm keeping away from them too, it's just not worth it!

[Liene]

Most everyone has at one time or another messed up their hair. Thank God it grows back or we would all look like dolls that have been drug around and loved too much. We keep getting more chances with our hair.

You're right! Actually, my mum can't say too much, she had her 80's perm period of shame ;) I'm just thinking what I'd look like if I was a doll who's hair would never grow back. Probably bald, with little fluffy patches of orange fried hair ;)

[Stephanie]

Yes, your hair will be fine, but you have to leave it alone. It's hard to deal with the urge to bleach/dye/cut in the beginning, but it will pass with some self-control. Whatever you're doing for haircare, just make sure it works for your lifestyle and you enjoy doing it, or you'll be right back where you are now. It sounds like you're already taking great care of it, so now it's just a waiting game. Play with hairstyles, different non-damaging products, and try to cultivate a sense of contentment in knowing that you're working towards something that will make you happy.

For what it's worth, I still get antsy with my hair once or twice a year and I've been doing this for ages. I do like having shorter hair from time to time, but always make myself wait a month to think about it before taking the plunge. With myself, I'm all about flexibility, but totally against impulse decisions. ;)

[Liene]

Thanks Stephanie! God, your hair is shiny, it looks amazing!

What your said about that sense of contentment, I sort of already have that, it's great to know I'm finally not abusing my hair anymore. I'm VERY impulsive, so I might have to go by your rule ;)

[lapushka]

Just come on here and post about the impulsive things you're about to do, so we can talk you down from the ledge - give us that chance!

[JesseS]

but always make myself wait a month to think about it before taking the plunge.

YOU always make yourself wait a month before taking the plunge, huh?

[Stephanie]

YOU always make yourself wait a month before taking the plunge, huh?

Looks like I've been outed by the husband. :bigeyes: LOL

Yes...but you help, my DEAR. :p

[Liene]

[QUOTE=lapushka;3064384]Just come on here and post about the impulsive things you're about to do, so we can talk you down from the ledge

Deal, haha! Impulsive for me would be: 'oh... it did look nice blonde... and those extensions, they did look pretty...' ;)

[Liene]

Stephanie, haha, I'd love to see the day my boyfriend would post here!

At least he seems to be aware of your impulsive hair moments, mine is the biggest enabler in the world! Or he just doesn't care about hair one bit, which might be a possibility too ;)

I'll ask him to take a picture of my hair tomorrow!

[Shorty89]

Everyone has already given you such good advice. I'd say that you should try to enjoy the growing journey and if you get bored do something that doesn't harm your hair like new styles, maybe some bangs etc. :)

[LauraAlaina]

They're such a pain aren't they? I'm keeping away from them too, it's just not worth it!



They are! It's just that they're so easy it's like oh I'm just going to give up the struggle of growing my hair out and put them in and voila! dream hair in a couple hours. It's always so tempting. But lately I've been using my boar bristle brush a lot (which you can't use with extensions), lots of coconut oil masks, and air drying. just trying to be nice to my hair and leave it alone! It seems to be working.

[Jo Ann]

Liene, first of all forgive yourself. You're embarking on a journey and there's always someone here to keep you on that path.

It could've been worse...two-step process to Ultra Pale Blonde for about six weeks, then using Dark Ash Blonde to try to get back to your natural hair color because the roots were driving you nuts...nothing like going to work with olive drab green hair for a couple of days and getting teased about it by the guys you work with...did I mention the aborted lecture about not having my hair a "natural" color? It went so well with my work uniform, too...you couldn't tell where my hair ended and the uniform began... :hmm:

Anyway, it WILL grow out...you'll be thankful you took the slow and grow approach! :face:

[spidermom]

One more suggestion - regular small trims to get rid of the damaged stuff while your natural hair grows in.

[alishaxmarie]

I agree with Spidermom! Microtrimming will definitely prevent your hair from breaking off before it can grow because the damage. Massages definitely help and if you really think your diet is trash or could just be better in general, you can consider a multivitamin (and maybe a couple others if your nutrition is lacking like most people's tend to be). I would just caution you about CO-washing. For some, it may cause you to shed excessively so do watch for increased shedding, just in case. I had to quit CO-washing because of the shedding so now I dilute my shampoo in an applicator bottle (undiluted shampoo also makes me shed - I use sulfates since I can't find a shampoo without either cones or sulfates).

Pre-poo oiling does wonders and so do SMT'S and protein treatments. Make sure to follow any protein treatment with moisture treatments to keep from overloading your hair with too much protein - keep in mind that some people have hair that doesn't like protein or certain types of proteins. The same can be said of pretty much every possible method (CO, CWC, WCC, LOC, WO, So, etc.) or product ingredient (silicones, humectants, protein, sulfates, oils, polyquats, etc.) so just do what works for you.

[flickm]

My take: if you sort out your self esteem, you won't need to keep doing mad, desperate things to your hair to try to feel good (if I read that wrong, please tell me to shut up and butt out). How can you look so heart stoppingly pretty and say your hair is one of the only things you like about yourself? You have a lovely face, and it shows a quirky, interesting personality. Nurture your hair back to health and pamper yourself at the same time. You are gorgeous.

[Liene]

Thank you everybody!

@ LauraAlaina: I know... And it does look amazingly pretty at first,it's very tempting to just take the easy road and put them back in. I had these ring on weave things, they stayed so pretty for ages, and they are just here now, ready to be put back in when I have a weak moment. I won't, though ;)

@ Shorty89: It's a good idea, cutting my side swept bangs again will be the very first thing I'll do once summer is over, I think that will look nicer with my sad little bun on top of my head!

@ Jo Ann: your post sounds so familiar ;) The matchy-matchy thing made me laugh, although it couldn't have been very amusing for you at the time! I am sorry this happened to you, but thank you so much for sharing :)

@ Spidermom: Oh yes, thank you! I need a trim, but I'm so afraid an actual hairdresser (terrified of them!) will cut it off to 'healthy hair level', which would be, well, bowling ball like ;) I'm thinking about asking my boyfriend to do microtrims, me doing it myself has been a bad decision in the past ;)

@ Alishaxmarie: Thank you! I didn't know CO could cause shedding, I'll keep an eye on it (It'll be easy to notice, if I shed any more, I'll be bald ;)). I'm actually looking forward to all of the baby-ing, the oiling, the being nice to my hair. It has suffered long enough, it's time to find out what works for me.

@ flickm: I'm so impressed by how well you got me, it's like you've known me for ages :) Thank you!!! I do have quite low self esteem (and my boyfriends' head almost fell off his shoulders nodding in agreement when he read your words-he couldn't be happier with your post, all he could say was: "SEE! I've been telling you all this for ages!!" He told me to thank you for him :) The quirky thing made him laugh, it seems like you're spot on there too, haha! ).

[meteor]

They are! It's just that they're so easy it's like oh I'm just going to give up the struggle of growing my hair out and put them in and voila! dream hair in a couple hours. It's always so tempting. But lately I've been using my boar bristle brush a lot (which you can't use with extensions), lots of coconut oil masks, and air drying. just trying to be nice to my hair and leave it alone! It seems to be working.

I find this very interesting. I know extensions and wigs require much gentler care (and they won't last anyway) because the quality normally isn't as good on compromised hair as it is one's natural virgin hair, but why exactly do they have different tools?

I like to treat my hair as gently as possible, so if tools for extensions/wigs fit the bill, can they also be used on natural hair? :hmm:

So far, the only different specialized tool I've seen for extensions/wigs is a Looper Brush (http://www.amazon.ca/Spornette-No-215-Super-Looper-Brush/dp/B0002Z0R9C) (where bristles are looped to prevent the tip from damaging hair). Can it be used on natural hair? This seller (http://www.hairdirect.com/store/looper-brush.aspx) even says: "Great for use with any hair replacement system or fragile and brittle natural hair."

(Sorry for OT and sorry if my question is silly, I have no personal experience with extensions/wigs, so apologies if I'm asking something obvious here. :oops: )

[flickm]

@ flickm: I'm so impressed by how well you got me, it's like you've known me for ages :) Thank you!!! I do have quite low self esteem (and my boyfriends' head almost fell off his shoulders nodding in agreement when he read your words-he couldn't be happier with your post, all he could say was: "SEE! I've been telling you all this for ages!!" He told me to thank you for him :) The quirky thing made him laugh, it seems like you're spot on there too, haha! ).

Ah, you're welcome. And you have a good man there! He obviously cares about you and wants you to feel good about yourself. Your hair will be fine. I looked at your profile and it really looks ok. I really meant what I said about you being pretty :)

[Liene]

Flickm, you're right again, he is an amazing guy. Got him in the UK, seems to be a place where awesome people come from, haha ;) He just joked you seem to completely get him too!

The picture in my profile is actually an old one, from the first time I swore off hairextensions. It was quite bad to begin with, and then got to the state it was in the picture, not great, but tolerable ;) It's way shorter, way thinner, and a bit darker now. Thank you so much for the sweet words, there's a lot of make up skills involved though ;) Makes all the difference in the world!

Meteor, I use the loop-y brush on my regular hair too, it acts like a normal brush. I wouldn't easily go for it, since I like my tangle teezer and Betty brushes better, but you can certainly use it. The reason you need different tools with extensions is because they are attacted to your own hair somehow, either with keratin bondings ('glue'), or rings, clips,... When you use a normal brush, it will get caught in the things your extensions are put in with. Does that make sense ;)? Not a silly question at all by the way ;)

[flickm]

Flickm, you're right again, he is an amazing guy. Got him in the UK, seems to be a place where awesome people come from, haha ;) He just joked you seem to completely get him too!

The picture in my profile is actually an old one, from the first time I swore off hairextensions. It was quite bad to begin with, and then got to the state it was in the picture, not great, but tolerable ;) It's way shorter, way thinner, and a bit darker now. Thank you so much for the sweet words, there's a lot of make up skills involved though ;) Makes all the difference in the world!

Lol, that explains things then - I'm from the UK, so I'll take the awesomeness comment as a compliment ;) as for makeup, Pah, we all wear that.

[kitcatsmeow]

You are beautiful and you could definitely rock a cute bob! I suggest cutting off all the un reparable damage now and get to growing healthy hair back.

Everyone here has suggested great ideas. If you do decide to color your hair in the future I suggest always using Olaplex. Go to a stylist that has it. It's like liquid gold. Don't use heat. Avoid it or try and stick with just blow drying on low heat. I think straightening irons are the worst follwed by curing irons.
Aphogee is my favorite protein treatment. The 2 step treatment takes time but my hair loves it and I use it every 4 weeks. I also love aphogee's vitamin leave in. Oil, oil and more oil!

Avoid sulfates but do clarify as needed especially if you use a lot of silicone products.

When I'm growing mine out I try to find an updo or two that I love that looks polished enough I can wear it out. If when your hair is long enough get yourself a hair fork. I love the wooden ones from crystalmood.com. Be gentle and good luck sweetie. So many of us have "been there" including me. I've WRECKED my hair before from salon visits and heat styling. You have to start somehwhere and thats the hardest part.

xoxo!

[Darkhorse1]

You're beautiful! I"m so sorry this has happened to you. Many of my friends had hair loss after having their kids, and some went short, some just waited it out. some didn't really notice (for the exception of shedding) because they had a lot of hair to begin with.

I've dealt with massive shedding due to stress and hormonal shifts, and I can say it sucks when your hair looks thin. The key is this: Hair grows at different rates--so, all your hair won't grow at the same time. This is always very evident when you go through a major shed. You'll likely notice baby hairs cropping up everywhere. That's GOOD! That's your new growth.

You can't make hair grow any faster than it grows--each person is different. So, healthy diet is a start---the healthier your scalp, the healthier your hair growth. Lots of water is great, as well as proteins--generally a good diet (but yes, sneak in some sweets of course!).

I've often suggested to people to enjoy each hair growth phase and play around with fun styles. You can also add some heatless curls to your ends to give the illusion of thickness, to using clip in extensions that come out at night.

Remember, extensions that are bonded or glued to your hair, will damage it. My hair dresser said that those people who get extensions have to cut ABOVE where the extension is secured (if it's bonded). Ever notice how hollywood ladies suddenly go to a short cut? That's because of damage due to extensions (miley cyrus, Jennifer Aniston, Pamela Anderson to name a few). Jennifer Lawrence had to cut her hair due to damage of constantly dying it back to dark for Hunger Games, then going back to blond. She has since also gotten extensions.

I always use Pinterest as a way to save hair styles for those 'inbetween' hair times, and if you find it dry, using moisture packs, oiling--so many options. Just be careful with coconut oil---I found it fried my hair. I use Olive oil to soften my ends and it works wonders.

Good luck!!

[meteor]

Liene, thank you so very much for that info on loop brushes! :flowers: I'm definitely intrigued by that design. Looks hair-friendly indeed. ;)

[Jo Ann]

Liene, not a problem :p Just remember--it could always be worse. You've gotten some good advice here from the Pros, just follow it and be patient! ;)

[Liene]

Flickm: I was hinting towards that, yes ;) But seriously, everytime I go to the UK (it's either London or Swansea, where he's from), people are SO nice. Maybe it's just because I feel so obviously completely lost in London that people get protective urges when they see me, haha. I was-to this day-never able to take the tube by myself, I Always needed a stranger to hold my hand and guide me through it ;)

Kitcatsmeow (AWW that's cute!): Thank you :) I'm afraid a bob will look equally sad now, but once my mini baby hair has grown in 'till that lenght, I will give it a go! Because of your post I did the whole kiddy-in-front-of-mirror thing, with my hair folded like a bob, and you're right, it doesn't look too bad!

Darkhorse1 (amazing horse in your picture!): Thanks for your message! I did notice the celebrity trend where they all go for the chop, most of them even pull it off, but I don't think I could with my hamstercheeks, haha ;) Pinterest is an awesome idea, thanks! You gave me loads of great ideas-my hair isn't too crazy about coconut oil either, so I'm going to try olive oil tonight.


Meteor, if you want and I can get it to you somehow, you can have my loop brush, I don't use it often at all!

Jo Ann, it could always be worse, you're right! Patience isn't my best quality, but thinking 'oh well, it's only hair, could be worse!', I've gotten pretty good at that ;)

I've been trying to upload a picture! It's actually a picture that is too good, my hair looks sad in it, but not as depressing as it actually is.

[Stormynights]

Maybe you do have good makeup skill but there is a lot more there that just makeup. You are beautiful.

[flickm]

Flickm: I was hinting towards that, yes ;) But seriously, everytime I go to the UK (it's either London or Swansea, where he's from), people are SO nice. Maybe it's just because I feel so obviously completely lost in London that people get protective urges when they see me, haha. I was-to this day-never able to take the tube by myself, I Always needed a stranger to hold my hand and guide me through it ;)


LOL, I've been using the underground on and off all my life and I STILL need someone to hold my hand. I hate it! Mind you, the one time i went to New York, I found the subway utterly confusing and terrifying: everybody running, doors slamming in your face, then the train we took went right past the stop we wanted. and as for the trains, they keep changing the platforms. So confusing. I guess any transport system in a foreign country is challenging :)

[ladylowtide]

Long healthy hair is a commitment. I've hair dyed most colors. Just doing nothing to your hair is the best thing you can do for it. After time it will grow and get healthier and healthier if you just leave it alone. Good luck. :)

[MoreAutumnForMe]

Thank you so much, all of you :)

@M. Mcdonough, thank you! I'll keep your advice in mind for sure! Especially the eating thing-I try but I'm rubbish at it ;) I'm a vegetarian, but a bad one: I don't really replace meat and fish with other proteins enough. I'm on a diet not, trying to eat really clean, and I'm hoping it will have an effect on my hair too :)


I noticed an improvement when I started having fish once or twice a week. I don't know if that helps or not, but fish oil supplements or tuna/salmon on your off-diet days (I'm not the only one that has "breaks" from being good, am I?) might be worth a shot.

[martyna_22]

Think of what you want your hair to be in, say, a few years' time. If you already have a picture in your mind, look for inspirations online and stick to them - at first you'll only dream about having hair like this, but in time it'll become more and more achievable :D From my experience: you'll probably make a lot of mistakes at first. But don't make them discourage you, we've all been there.
Finding a good routine is dependanton trial and error, just keep your mind open and you'll find whatever works out for you. It's good to find a person with similar hair type as you, only longer and follow their advice, it is quite possible the same things will be good for your hair :D


But the general idea is to lead a healthy lifestyle, not only your hair will benefit from it.
Good luck!