Getting really down and depressed about breakage

[Ephemia]

So I detangle my hair using a wide-toothed comb, and, if I think I need to, a little coconut oil. I've been doing this since probably about December, minus the oil. I just decided one day, based on various stuff I'd read here, that it would be good to brush less and instead detangle using the comb I used to remove hair from my brush. So I began to instead separate my hair into two sections and comb them, starting from the ends (I already knew to brush starting at the ends, and been doing that for several years) and then put my hair back over my shoulders and give it a once over with my brush. For a while, I was happy with that method.

But the combing and brushing was always quite noisy, and I never knew whether it was breakage, the seams shredding my hair, or just normal noises. Sometimes the noises are just things like a quiet pop, and I think 'Well, that probably wasn't breakage, and even if it was it was probably going to happen sooner or later anyway if it happened so quietly.' I'd check the hairs I combed out for white bulbs, but most of them seem to have a white thingy of some description and I honestly don't know what's a bulb and what isn't. I began to feel like I was ripping through several dozen hairs a day, even if I actually wasn't.

So I ordered a new comb from Eternally in Amber after reading the thread about her combs. It came a week or two ago, and I love it. I'm writing a glowing review the second I can. This comb doesn't make as much noise, so I think the seams were responsible for at least some of that. I've also stopped brushing after I finish combing, even though the job feels unfinished. So, I've got a great comb, I'm no longer ripping through my hair with a brush, and everything's hunky-dory. Right?

Wrong! Because I'm so darn obsessed about these noises that they all make me panic SO MUCH. Every hair that breaks has got to make its way back to calf, and it might shed before that happens and start the long journey again. And because I'm so worried about it, my Aspie tics all come along and have a party while I'm trying to comb my hair, so that I can hardly move the comb an inch before I've got to start rolling my shoulder, which is my worst tic right now and REALLY NOT HELPFUL. They take my concentration off detangling so I go too quickly and break hairs and then I panic and tic even more. I hate it. Sometimes I just break down in tears because my tics are taking over my life and I have no idea how to get rid of them.

I could be so much better at detangling. If I was going to comb someone else's hair, I'd probably be able to do it without ticcing once and be incredibly gentle. But my own hair? No! Stupid Asperger's has to slam its ugly fist down on the tic button and sit back with a tub of popcorn, just like it does with anything in my life it feels is too easy. :steam

[flickm]

I'm so sorry you're caught by this. I do know what you mean. I wasn't losing more than a couple of hairs after combing, but now it seems quite a bit more. I think it's possible to get too focused on all this (easy for me because I can get obsessively focused on things), then everything is in high relief the whole time. You really probably aren't doing the damage you think you are. But I also think it's hard to go on being super careful; I know I'm more careless with combing than I was a few weeks ago. But I bet we're both a lot more careful than most people. When I think of how I used to rip through my hair with the brush, hot blow dry, shove in elastics etc. I shudder - but I still had thick, healthy hair in the past.

One point, I wonder if coconut oil is too crunchy for your ends, it doesn't suit everybody's hair. I use rosehip seed oil with peppermint essential oil on mine, and the comb glides through.

Anyway, big hug and try not to be down on yourself.

[spidermom]

Could you distract yourself from the sound of combing by playing music or something? (through ear plugs preferably)

[Ephemia]

That probably wouldn't work, for a couple of reasons - I know what I'm like; I'd still be thinking about it and would probably still be able to hear it anyway, considering that I'm not one for loud music. This also brings us to another of my obsessions - terror at the thought of hearing loss, especially prematurely. I can only very rarely bring myself to use headphones now. I may try playing some new age on my phone, though, for relaxation purposes. It won't bother my mum and I'll try anything that might stop those wretched tics.

The coconut oil is one thing I know definitely isn't causing a problem. My hair's been much more manageable since I've started using it. One day I didn't put any on my freshly washed hair and it was a decision I sorely regretted. If only my hair didn't look so awful oily; I'd use more and probably have a much easier time combing it.

[meteor]

I'd check the hairs I combed out for white bulbs, but most of them seem to have a white thingy of some description and I honestly don't know what's a bulb and what isn't.

Hair bulbs can usually be seen with the naked eye... if not, you can feel them with your fingers - just check the ends. They look approximately like this: https://www.nlm.nih.gov/visibleproofs/galleries/technologies/photomicrography_image_2.html


Because I'm so darn obsessed about these noises that they all make me panic SO MUCH. Every hair that breaks has got to make its way back to calf, and it might shed before that happens and start the long journey again. And because I'm so worried about it, my Aspie tics all come along and have a party while I'm trying to comb my hair, so that I can hardly move the comb an inch before I've got to start rolling my shoulder, which is my worst tic right now and REALLY NOT HELPFUL. They take my concentration off detangling so I go too quickly and break hairs and then I panic and tic even more. I hate it. Sometimes I just break down in tears because my tics are taking over my life and I have no idea how to get rid of them.

I could be so much better at detangling. If I was going to comb someone else's hair, I'd probably be able to do it without ticcing once and be incredibly gentle. But my own hair? No! Stupid Asperger's has to slam its ugly fist down on the tic button and sit back with a tub of popcorn, just like it does with anything in my life it feels is too easy. :steam

Try not to be too hard on yourself! :love: Your hair is probably fine, as you treat it super-gently! :D

And maybe this experience is something worth discussing with your doctor, since you think it's something linked with Asperger's syndrome? :flower:

[Ephemia]

Hmm... I don't think so. Doctors and other professionals tend not to know a lot about Asperger's. Often their experience comes from one book which they study to death (if they even want to know, that is) and apply to every autistic they meet. I was having counselling, but again, she seemed to be trying to match me to a schema. I think a doctor would probably just tell me I need pills and send me on my way.

I just combed my hair a little early before bed, since I had some music playing to help me with some writing. I think it may have helped somewhat with my anxiety. I wasn't exactly relaxed, and I still ticced, but not as much and I think it was one of my more careful detangling sessions. I think the music gave me a kind of rhythm to work to. The particular tracks that were playing were absolutely gorgeous and some of my favourites, so maybe it calmed me a little. I hope this continues to work, I could use a break from my tics.

Thank you, Spidermom, for the suggestion. Thank you to you all, everyone's so lovely here. :grouphug:

[luxurioushair]

Why not just finger detangle sometimes? It works just as well as a comb, maybe even better.

[flickm]

Hmm... I don't think so. Doctors and other professionals tend not to know a lot about Asperger's. Often their experience comes from one book which they study to death (if they even want to know, that is) and apply to every autistic they meet. I was having counselling, but again, she seemed to be trying to match me to a schema. I think a doctor would probably just tell me I need pills and send me on my way.

I just combed my hair a little early before bed, since I had some music playing to help me with some writing. I think it may have helped somewhat with my anxiety. I wasn't exactly relaxed, and I still ticced, but not as much and I think it was one of my more careful detangling sessions. I think the music gave me a kind of rhythm to work to. The particular tracks that were playing were absolutely gorgeous and some of my favourites, so maybe it calmed me a little. I hope this continues to work, I could use a break from my tics.

Thank you, Spidermom, for the suggestion. Thank you to you all, everyone's so lovely here. :grouphug:

Since it's the act of combing that is causing you so much stress, could you cope with not combing at all, or doing it in small sessions? You have fairly straight hair, so it may not really need all that much detangling. Maybe just oil the ends and gently finger comb, as has been suggested, or do several small combing sessions. If the act of combing is building into a dread activity, can you break the syndrome by breaking it down into little chunks. I kind of comb my 1c/2a hair out of habit, but it doesn't really need it. What I see as tangles first thing in the morning seem to sort themselves out if I leave them. But then I don't iron clothes either, LOL, and they don't look creased once they've been on me for ten minutes. Maybe don't comb for a while, then reintroduce it gradually. Above all, try to be gentle and patient with yourself. I know it's hard, but maybe step by step (without getting obsessive about the steps and turning them into a ritual). X

[Jo Ann]

I'm pretty new here, too, Ephemia. I lurked for about a month or so before I registered.

For what it's worth, I only comb my hair when it's wet, and then only with a wide-toothed comb. The rest of the time I brush it before putting it up for the day and forget about it until I take it down at night. Maybe the same routine would work for you? If the brush isn't as noisy for you, maybe just brushing might help ease your anxiety. Luxurioushair suggested finger-combing--that might help, too, if you still want to comb your hair after you brush it. It's easier to control and, if you find any leftover tangles, you can use your brush to dispatch them.

[flickm]

PS: I listened to my combing this morning and it does kind of crackle and pop, but i didn't shed a single hair. Does your hair get flyaway at all? Mine cracks and pops more with static. Sorry, i'm taking up more than my share of posting space, but I'm just concerned for you, Ephemia :)

[Ephemia]

I do sometimes finger comb, like when my hair gets a bit tangled during the day, but I definitely see it as an interim measure. I feel more likely to rush without the presence of a tool in my hand to say 'ok, you're doing a job here, focus.' But I have been going through my hair with my fingers before I comb it for the past day or two, because it might just ease the way a little. I think I probably do need to comb it twice a day, even if just to stop me messing about with it all day because I'm convinced it's tangled. I also have one very awkward section which loves to tangle right against my scalp, and if I'm honest I think that's the main reason I used to feel the need to finish by brushing my hair down my back.

I'm still trying the music thing and again, it kind of worked this morning. There was quite a bit of noise when I did the right side, but all the hairs that came out in my comb had on one end something which could have been a bulb. I'm not really sure what flyaways are, which may mean I don't get them since I instantly get most of the terminology on here, but there are some items of clothing with which I've realised I have to be careful because they generate static and make my hair harder to comb. Those are mainly for winter, though.

Your concern is very much appreciated, Flickm. :) It's good to know that someone else experiences noise during combing, and that it doesn't necessarily indicate breakage.

[flickm]

I always understood that the bulb was a different shape depending on whether hair was straight or curly. If that's the case, you may not recognise the roots as being roots if they are fairly straight instead of oval, bulb shaped.

[kirby]

Honestly, it definitely sounds like what you're seeing is bulbs. I know the feeling, EVERY TIME a hair comes out I obsessively check it for a bulb to see if it was breakage or just shedding :hmm: Have you used a detangling spray much? I have some very basic spray thats for kids I think, but it's basically a diluted conditioner so when your spray it on your comb just glides though with no noise, then you can try and just put it up and forget about it until the next time you comb :D I'm glad the music has helped you a little, but I totally understand the whole thing with still knowing it's happening. I have a LOT of noise when combing, yet most that come out always have a bulb, and even sometimes no hair comes out with the noise! With thicker hair, I think it can make a lot of noise when getting through tangles that doesn't necessarily mean breakage OR shedding

[Ephemia]

Thanks guys, that's reassuring. I didn't know roots looked different on different hair types. Mine seem to vary; some are obviously shed hairs, others just seem to have a white tip. That's why I was confused, but they do all look different from the tiny white dots I see on my ends when I S and D, which I presume are the result of breakage. I've also tried snapping shed hairs to see what the break looks like, and it usually isn't white. Maybe even never.

I don't have any detangling spray. I've entertained the idea of getting some, but I don't like the thought of putting anything on my hair that it may not really need, and the coconut oil is pretty good for slip. I think I'll stick to that for now.

[Arctic]

The root of the hair looks different depending at which phase of its growth cycle it had shed. Different looking hair roots (bulbs) are normal, the colour, the size...

I don't think the root of the hair looks that different depending whether hair is curly or straight, but one theory about why some hair is straight and some is not is, that the hair follicle is shaped differently. On straigter hair types the follicle would be straighter, and on curlier type it would be curvier.

Some noises are normal too, when combing and brushing and detangling and braiding. Hair is a real matter, a big mass of individual fibres, which makes noises when they move. The coarser your hair, apparently, the noisier it is :) You can choose what you actively listen to. My breathing makes lot of noise when I meditate, my joints make noises, my clothes make noises, my computer makes noise ... if I would listen to them. I have tuned them out on the background because all these noises would be really bothersome. Maybe you could actively shift your conscious listening to somehing else. After a while it will become a habit and normal state of your soundscape.

[Ephemia]

He he... I know, I know. :laugh: It will become apparent to everyone the longer I'm here what a worrier I am! It's not surprising I notice every little detail.