I desperately need help

[oncetwice]

For starters this is my first post, as I am new.

I'm 28 year old white female who is overweight, diabetic, partially agoraphobic and thus severely vitamin D deficient, and I also have PCOS. I had one ovary removed in 2012. I also have trichotillomania. Not that I pull hair out by the root, but I am constantly touching it, running my fingers through "problem" sections and feeling for bumps or tiny knots in individual strands and breaking the knot off when I find one.

I have always had natural "banana curl" tight ringlets, meaning if I wet my hair and allow to air dry without too much brushing they will always dry in ringlets, but once dry or partially dry, if I brush or comb them they break down and become a frizzy afro.

When I was a teenager (until about 21 or 22) my hair reached just above my butt crack when blow dried straight. My hair was never very thick or full but it never seemed terribly thin either. I averaged a haircut once every 6 months or so, and I blow-dried and hot-ironed almost daily for years. In retrospect, this was when my hair was the healthiest, longest, thickest, and strongest against breakage, which seems counter-intuitive with all the heat abuse.

Over the past 10 years though things have changed. I cannot get my hair to grow, and it's been getting shorter and shorter with all the breakage and the trimming to try to fix the split ends. I'm struggling to get it past shoulder length. I no longer blow dry or iron it. It's thinning (as in I'm losing strands of hair by the root), going grey, and almost all of it feels like dead ends with bumps and knots in the individual strands for the full length. The worse the texture gets the more prone I am to obsessively touching it.

Every time I get a hair cut it feels nice and healthy for a few days, and then it all feels like a straw bird nest again.

On top of all this, I've been suffering from severe itching of the scalp, flaking, scabbing, and what feel like grains of sand under my fingernails and on my fingertips when i scratch my scalp or run my fingers through my hair.

I've been to the dermatologist numerous times. He didn't find any bugs and took some samples of the skin on my head to test for I'm not sure what, and according to him I don't have anything. I've tried OTC antifungal shampoos, head and shoulders, and coal tar shampoos. I've poured hydrogen peroxide over my scalp (never letting it sit too long because I know it can weaken the hair), rubbing alcohol, and even listerine in attempts to make the itching stop. I've also tried not washing my hair as often, not suing shampoo for a while, changing shampoos, using baby shampoo, and hot oil treatments, mayo masks, raw egg masks, beer rinses, vinegar rinses, and probably more that I'm forgetting at the moment.

I have not been using any elastic or scrunchy type things to tie my hair back for several years. Instead I use "snappy clips" https://sheenaspace.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/hair-clip.jpg

The hydrogen peroxide, vinegar, alcohol, and the antifungal shampoos (basically anything that burns) soothes the itch for about a day or less. Every night when I sleep I seem to over-produce oil and I also sweat a lot so I need to wash my hair every morning. I make sure to rinse very well which if I don't I notice more flaking which I assume is soap buildup, and I do a cold-water rinse for a minute or two before getting out of the shower.

I'm at wits end. I am on the verge of shaving my head bald so I can exfoliate with an apricot scrub and start from scratch. I feel like I need to cut my hair really short to give it a fresh start, but I'm terrified it won't ever grow back to a decent length, and as a fat woman I need my hair to hide under.

What can I do to stop the itching, flaking, grains of sand, and to make my hair grow healthy and strong again?

[Elly May]

I just wanted to say a quick hello and WELCOME to LHC! Hang in there a little while and someone with far more hair wisdom than me will jump in with awesome advice.

In the meantime, I wanted you to know that you are heard and help is coming!!!!

Blessings,
Elly May

[elsieivy]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I'm not sure if I can help much but I will say that I have psoriasis on my scalp and the more I do to fix it the worse it tends to get. I use t-gel shampoo twice a week and try to avoid messing with it the rest of the time. I think after a while I was just irritating it more. My scalp definitely isn't perfect but it's tolerable most days now. You might try microtrimming to improve the condition of your hair without losing too much length. I have to wear my hair up daily to keep from playing with it. Keep following up with your doctor but in the mean time maybe a less is more philosophy will help your help to heal. Good luck

[two_wheels]

You poor thing. The stress of it all probably isn't helping.

I was wondering whether you might try not doing anything for a while - like a few weeks of just regular SLS shampoo and any old conditioner every day, and get your scalp dry with a cool hairdryer.

Hugs anyway :grouphug:

[gthlvrmx]

I started fresh from bald and I think it was the best choice for me. If you go bald, at least you can clarify it just in case with a clarifying shampoo and then give it the most amount of moisture with an SMT and oiling as you can to let it grow better. If you go bald, at least you know your new hair doesn't have as much damage. :) I am sure your hair is growing but it is probably breaking off at a faster rate than your hair growth. You also might have damage from all the heat styling. Either way, the only way to get rid of damage is to cut it off. That is unless you don't want to lose length! Maybe microtrimming can help you if you want to gain thickness and keep your length. Sorry I don't have much more information about your trichto-thing. Going bald doesn't have to be a bad thing! Change is good! :) Have you tried Search and Destroy missions (S&D) to get rid of splits? It's work but worth it in the end. Just make sure you have hair scissors meant for cutting hair and that are sharp and you are good! If you S&D you can keep growing hair and avoiding trims which will help retain length that is grown out of your head. Keep trying, you can totally get the hair you want!

[Arctic]

Your post was long and I thought many ideas while reading. However time is pressing right now, so I'll leave you with this (and will come back later):

You can indeed exfoliate your scalp, while you have hair in your head. Mix sugar or salt to your shampoo or conditioner, or why not in an oil if your skin/hair likes oil. Then scrub away.

[hairhair]

Hey oncetwice, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. I can't really help with anything except the vitamin D deficiency... I've had that and if you're able to get vitamin D tablets they aren't overly expensive. Though of course I'm not saying that's the only problem, I'm sure I've heard somewhere that vitamin D deficiency can actually worsen anxiety, so getting your vitamin D levels up could start to help your mood too. :) I really hope you find people and things which can help you, with your hair and everything else.

[Princess Kitti]

I don't have anything useful in the way of a solution, but I wanted to say that as an overweight person it hurts to read you feel you need your hair to hide behind because of your weight. You are a human being with as much worth and right to be here in this world as the rest of the human race. Please do not feel you have to hide because you are overweight :)

[Anje]

Did you ever get a diagnosis for your scalp, or does it look/feel like the texture is off? The first things I'd want to eliminate would include eczema, psoriasis, allergic dermatitis, keratosis pilaris, and seborric dermatitis.

[oncetwice]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.


I was wondering whether you might try not doing anything for a while - like a few weeks of just regular SLS shampoo and any old conditioner every day, and get your scalp dry with a cool hairdryer.

What is SLS?


I started fresh from bald and I think it was the best choice for me... I am sure your hair is growing but it is probably breaking off at a faster rate than your hair growth. You also might have damage from all the heat styling. Either way, the only way to get rid of damage is to cut it off.... Have you tried Search and Destroy missions (S&D) to get rid of splits? It's work but worth it in the end. Just make sure you have hair scissors meant for cutting hair and that are sharp and you are good! If you S&D you can keep growing hair and avoiding trims which will help retain length that is grown out of your head. Keep trying, you can totally get the hair you want!

Only way to get rid of damage is to cut it off indeed. And S&D, is that what I think it is? Clipping damage off of individual strands? I think that sort of is what I've been doing. I do have a hair cutting scissor, and I often sit and feel individual strands to snip the nasty bits off. I also give myself very unprofessional and uneven and unsightly trims sometimes. But for most sections of my hair no trim is ever enough to get rid of the nasty feeling parts. I do think you're right though, it is breaking faster than it grows, because of course it IS growing. But I'm also losing a lot of full strands too. I "shed" excessively on top of whatever I pull out.


You can indeed exfoliate your scalp, while you have hair in your head. Mix sugar or salt to your shampoo or conditioner, or why not in an oil if your skin/hair likes oil. Then scrub away.

Thanks, I think I'll give that a try.


if you're able to get vitamin D tablets they aren't overly expensive.

My GP prescribes me mega dosages of vit-D to take once a week. I also have a supply of d3-1000s that I take daily. I've been on these for several months but my D levels still come up severely deficient in blood tests.


I don't have anything useful in the way of a solution, but I wanted to say that as an overweight person it hurts to read you feel you need your hair to hide behind because of your weight. You are a human being with as much worth and right to be here in this world as the rest of the human race. Please do not feel you have to hide because you are overweight :)

I've barely left the house in the past 5+ years because of insecurity about my weight.


Did you ever get a diagnosis for your scalp, or does it look/feel like the texture is off? The first things I'd want to eliminate would include eczema, psoriasis, allergic dermatitis, keratosis pilaris, and seborric dermatitis.

No diagnosis for my scalp. Every doctor that I've had look at it says there's nothing wrong with it. Doing my own research I think the grains of sand are "DHT" but I haven't read much useful info on what causes it or how to make it go away.

[unicornlady]

oncetwice, I'm sorry you're having so many problems with hair, I know too well how hair can affect self esteem. I've had a good share of hair loss. But please dont say you have to hide behind hair. You do not lose worth as a woman or a person because you're having health problems.

You listed a lot of health problems, and hair reflects overall health. I believe you will best help your hair by working on your overall health and wellbeing (both physical and emotional).

I can recommend you (anecdotally) praised herbal tea for PCOS if you want, not any particular brand, you just need to buy the herbs from any good source and try drinking for several months, of course ask your doctor first. I've heard a lot of reports that cysts disappeared.

If it's not related to a product you're using, itch might come from a food allergy/sensitivity and as you have listed diabetes as well which is autoimmune, I'd definitely look into food allergies and elimination diet to determine if you're allergic to something. Eating foods you're allergic to can cause excess weight too. It's an epidemic nowadays and I believe it's totally worth looking into. Tests sometimes give false negatives and best way to determine is a patient elimination diet as allergy might trigger with days of delay. I found very quickly that I cant handle gluten and I'm currently testing more foods. They put so much poison into food nowadays that great majority of people is allergic to something. Look up elimination diet if you're interested. :blossom:

P.S. edit: Anxiety can also cause itch or contribute to it! I remember having unbearable all-over body itch during some stressful periods. Because of stress I couldnt stop scratching myself and I would scratch to blood. So try to soothe yourself down, it might help, surely it will a little.

[Agnes Hannah]

Hi oncetwice, welcome to LHC. I also have diabetes, and struggle with the meds I have to take at the minute. I also have clinical depression and am medicated for that too. Because of the depression I have anxiety issues and get stressed really easily. My hair is very fine, I have previously used dye on it so the ends are damaged, I protect these as much as possible with serum and the wash, condition twice method. My shampoo is a Dr Organic one with lavender, there are no SLS in these shampoos and they are better for my scalp and hair. SLS are Sodium Laureate Sulfates which is common in lots of products including shampoo. SLS are very strong cleansers and can strip the hair and scalp causing irritation in some people.
I also use a silk sleep cap and pillow case, and loosely braided untied off hair inside. During the day it is always up somehow. Just recently I have found I can use a stick.
My hair has actually helped with my depression because it makes me feel good to look after it and nourish it. I often treat myself to a new hairtoy and that helps too.
You have such a lot going on in your life at present, and it probably feels like you are facing a mountain. Please accept that you are a worthy person and that you have a right to be you. Please go back to your doctor and push for more tests to eliminate things like eczema or psoriasis just for your peace of mind. Take each day as it comes and try some relaxation techniques when you have a quiet time by yourself. You need to heal from the inside out. Try leaving your scalp alone for a bit too, just a very basic wash condish routine might help.
You mentioned you have banana curls, you lucky thing I love love love curls! My friend has this type of hair and I always stare at it thinking "I wish...."
I had counselling last year because of my depression, the advice given to me was to take care of my physical self, healthy diet and exercise. Mixing more with friends or simply saying hello to someone in the shop. Treating yourself to a little present now and again, perfect excuse to buy a hairtoy! And allowing a little me time, when you do what you want to do, relaxing bath, candles and soft music etc.
If you want to talk you can PM me any time. Take care of yourself.x

[Arctic]

I have trichotillomania too, so I know how it's like. Since you don't (yet?) have the actual pulling hair out, please try to nip the hair touching habit. Too much touching in the trichotillomania type of way, can and will cause damage. Use any methods you can think of: Internet peer support groups (highly recommended!), keeping hair up, tape your fingertips of those finger you always use to feel the hairs, wear thin cotton gloves, have finger toys at hand, use blowdrier to manipulate the texture smoother, and cones to do the same... what ever it takes. You can do it; it's difficult and need self dicipline and mindfulness but it can be done if you want it badly enough.


Scalp and "grains". I have found some "grains" when I have not been washing my scalp/hair enough. I have very oily skin/scalp/hair, acneprone and sensitive skin. My skin reacts if it's too oily - any type of oil will do that, sebum or of vegetable/animal/mineral origin. For me it means my pores/hair follicles are blocked with sebum and might be irritated or even infected. This causes itching too.

I have found a shampoo that is mild enough for everyday washing but has skin calming effects to be best. My shampoo contains an ingredient called piroctone olamine and that alone has been a scalp saver for me. The effect has not worn off even after years of usage. (I won't bother with brand names as I'm in Finland.)

I also keep all conditioners and oils (In fact I don't use oils at all excluding very occasional deep treatment, because it irritates my acne) away from my scalp. Same with styling products in general (with an exception of mousse for sensitive skin and rare special occasion styling).

Tea tree oil is also wonderful on my scalp.

As is vinegar, but I see you already tried it.

Caffeine rinses are said to block DHT, we have few threads about those here at LHC.

I have seen people mention quite often vitamin D having a big effect on their hair, if they had a deficiency. Good to see you are working on it with your doctor (and in genaral are working with doctor).

Yes, S&D is that, snipping bad ends off of individual strands. Since you have trichotillomania, be careful about that though. It might become an obsession, it did for me. We have many people here who self trim, so if you think your skills are lacking in that area, there are easy methods that could help, like Feye's Self Trimming Method.

If your hair feels nice right after trim, but crappy only few days after... do you mean salon trims? If so, they might have used a silicone etc serum on your hair. Your hair might like silicones in general? With silicones and other coating agents, it's important to clarify too, otherwise they can accumulate on hair, making it feel dry and damaged. Best thing for this is a proper clarifying shampoo. If you meant your hair feels good after self trim but bad after few days, then the culprit might be build-up.


Finally, don't feel ambarrased about your self. No need to hide behind hair. Usually people are too absorbed int to thinking about their OWN perceived "flaws" to notice other people's insecurity causing perceived "flaws". In any case, here you are among friends now :flowers:

[Wosie]

I have found a shampoo that is mild enough for everyday washing but has skin calming effects to be best. My shampoo contains an ingredient called piroctone olamine and that alone has been a scalp saver for me. The effect has not worn off even after years of usage. (I won't bother with brand names as I'm in Finland.)

Could you still write the name of the product, as it might exist in Sweden too? :o My scalp is going crazy again, and I'd be happy to try anything that might relieve the itchiness.

[Arctic]

Could you still write the name of the product, as it might exist in Sweden too? :o My scalp is going crazy again, and I'd be happy to try anything.
Sure, it's a Finnish brand called XZ, and the shampoo is their Chocolate Vanilla one (Suklaa Vanilja in Finnish). I believe the shampoo itself isn't as important as the one ingredient, the piroctone olamine. I have seen it also in Sebamed shampoo (which was somewhat harsher than the XZ one), and some other brands too, which I can't remember now. I truly think piroctone olamine is a magic ingredient for me, it literally changed my life as I got rid of long term scalp problems (dandruff, itching, overly sensitive reactions, difficulties to find shampoos that didn't irritate....). With my shampoo and remembering to keep conditioners and oils off of my scalp I have found a really nice balance, and my scalp is happy most of the time these days!

[Wosie]

Sure, it's a Finnish brand called XZ, and the shampoo is their Chocolate Vanilla one (Suklaa Vanilja in Finnish). I believe the shampoo itself isn't as important as the one ingredient, the piroctone olamine. I have seen it also in Sebamed shampoo (which was somewhat harsher than the XZ one), and some other brands too, which I can't remember now. I truly think piroctone olamine is a magic ingredient for me, it literally changed my life as I got rid of long term scalp problems (dandruff, itching, overly sensitive reactions, difficulties to find shampoos that didn't irritate....). With my shampoo and remembering to keep conditioners and oils off of my scalp I have found a really nice balance, and my scalp is happy most of the time these days!

That's very good to hear, I'm happy for you!! Is it seborrheic dermatitis you have? I have never heard of the XZ brand, but I'll look it up... As well as piroctone olamine.
I always wash my hair every three days, to not upset my already rather dry hair, but maybe I have to wash more often... It's so hard to be an atopic eczema/seborrheic dermatitis cross-over case, I don't know how I'm supposed to treat this odd very dry scalp which goes very oily after a few days, and both these extreme states of skin itch a lot. D:

OP, I was sorry to read your story, I feel your pain. I truly hope you'll get some advice in this thread that'll help you. :blossom:

[Arctic]

That's very good to hear, I'm happy for you!! Is it seborrheic dermatitis you have? I have never heard of the XZ brand, but I'll look it up... As well as piroctone olamine.
I always wash my hair every three days, to not upset my already rather dry hair, but maybe I have to wash more often... It's so hard to be an atopic eczema/seborrheic dermatitis cross-over case, I don't know how I'm supposed to treat this odd very dry scalp which goes very oily after a few days, and both these extreme states of skin itch a lot. D:

I think I have SD but I haven't been diagnozed. But reading about the symptoms and what usually helps, it feels quite certain I have it. Plus acne prone, sensitive, oily skin in general.

Your scalp does sound tricky. My ex-fiance had atopic skin and it was difficult to care for. Have you tried aloe vega gel, maybe with some essential oils massaged (very gently, to not to irritate) into your scalp? That would moisturize, calm and care the skin without being greasy or drying your hair. (Aloe is nice for lengths too, but for some reason I find it should be either aloe vera JUICE, or watered down and diluted aloe vera GEL. If I use the gel undiluted, it makes my hair sticky and unpleasant, but when diluted, it is moisturizing and lovely!)

Also, you might be able to - if not yet then quite soon - to start scalp only washing. This would help your lengths from drying too.

[lapushka]

What helps with itching (and I've tried everything and that didn't work either) is Nizoral shampoo 2% (I believe it's prescription, but there's a weaker version that is available OTC). I have SD, ever since I was a child (seborrheic dermatitis). It gives you itchies, flakes, redness of the scalp.

Of course your trich has something to do with the thinning, and that is something you are going to have to deal with (talk to a doctor, please).

I suggest the curly girl method (but with shampoo instead of with CO), so a "modified CG" method.

Welcome, BTW!

I'm sure there's others who'll chime in with more wonderful advice.

[Pamala513]

Well I will add my 2 cents in. First my heart breaks for you, but stay strong. You can overcome this. My suggestion is to not cut your hair. Use an organic mild shampoo , and use cones in your conditioner. I would use coconut oil on the ends and braid it and leave it overnight, wash it out in the am. Also Evening Primrose Oil supplements twice a day. 5000 mg of Biotin and Super B complex once a day. It takes time, a couple of months to see results.

Please keep us updated . We are all here with support!

[lapushka]

5000 mg of Biotin and Super B complex once a day.

The bad side of too much Biotin:
http://igorsbelltower.blogspot.be/p/infamous-biotin-rant.html

[Pamala513]

Yes, there are as many studies on biotin overdoses as there are that it promotes hair growth. Taking B-12 complex will counteract the cysts and aches that can occur. I have been taking 5000Mg of biotin and super b complex for 2 years and I can say that it does increase hair and nail growth for me. It was recommended by my Wellness Doctor when I was experiencing massive hair loss. I have considered stopping it, but have yet to make that decision. I am anxious for long hair....:/

[ravenreed]

My scalp reacts very badly to shampoo, especially those with sodium laurel sulfate. I used to have terrible itching and flaky build up until I switched over to cleansing my hair with the conditioner only method and started rinsing with a diluted apple cider vinegar rinse. I used to scratch until I bled, which probably made the situation worse. The bumps you are feeling along the hair shaft might be from your curl pattern. I have very wavy, borderline curly hair and there is a distinct texture as I run my fingers down my hair shaft where the hair naturally changes direction. Breaking the hair will cause split ends. If you must do so, use sharp scissors designed for hair cutting to trim. Good luck.

[Breezy]

baking soda mixed with the shampoo would work also. It sounds like a case of "cradle cap".

[picklepie]

Ah! Not baking soda on an already irritated scalp! It destroys the acid mantle of the skin, and can make broken skin even more vulnerable.

OP, hang in there. Get a second (or third!) opinion if the doctors aren't helping you. I know self-advocating is really hard, but I also know that a lot of times doctors do not take overweight women with autoimmune diseases very seriously. Ask me how I know.

[Majorane]

baking soda mixed with the shampoo would work also. It sounds like a case of "cradle cap".

Nono, baking soda is not very good for hair at all! It does scrub nicely but it's very damaging for almost all hairtypes. And like Picklepie said, it's also bad for your skin.

Dear topicstarter, I don't have magic advice for you sadly :( But I feel for you. Anxiety is a monster to deal with. And being an overweight woman with diabetes is probably not helping when you're asking doctors about health related issues, because I found through a friend that as soon as you have diabetes and a bit of extra weight a lot of doctors become super snotty and dismissive. :( I hope I'm not rubbing salt in wounds, I mean: I can imagine you feel lonely and down.
Come hang with us here, there are some lovely and wonderfull warm people here and it's such a nice way to get your daily dose of human interaction without leaving the house! I really hope someone will have the Golden Magick Solution for you soon, and you'll start feeling better about your hair (and maybe yourself, too) again.

[Mammasaurusrex]

About on year ago I shaved my head bald and it has grown more in the last year than it ever has before. I think shaving it off and starting over is your best bet. If there is damage it will be gone and will grow again! You will have a chance to keep it healthy with no heat or hair color =]

[mssummerrose]

Hello!
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. There are many experienced hair folks around here who are/will give amazing advice. And you might enjoy the threads about curls and how to get the most out of them (don't brush!). ETA: the search function here is not the best. To find threads, Google site:longhaircommunity.com and the word you are looking for, i.e. Botticelli curls.

I want to ask if you are seeing a psychiatrist. Anxiety is at the root of both agoraphobia and trichotilomania. (Oh, and there is a thread for those with trich, too!). For myself, anxiety medication did not help (although it does for many) - it just put me on an anxiety roller coaster. Instead, when my anxiety begins sneaking up, it is a sign that I need to switch anti-depression meds. So if you do not have a psychiatrist, I would highly recommend finding one that you like and trust and who will listen to you. And there are a lot out there who WONT listen to you - if that is the case, then find another one.

I am so happy that you found this forum. Welcome and good luck!

[mssummerrose]

My first double post! Woo-hoo!!

[lapushka]

I want to ask if you are seeing a psychiatrist. Anxiety is at the root of both agoraphobia and trichotilomania. (Oh, and there is a thread for those with trich, too!). For myself, anxiety medication did not help (although it does for many) - it just put me on an anxiety roller coaster. Instead, when my anxiety begins sneaking up, it is a sign that I need to switch anti-depression meds. So if you do not have a psychiatrist, I would highly recommend finding one that you like and trust and who will listen to you. And there are a lot out there who WONT listen to you - if that is the case, then find another one.

Couldn't agree with this post more. :agree: It's really important to find help and it's out there if you want it. I'm really glad you found your way here.

There's lots of posts to sort through, and there are lots of things you can try. Don't immediately shave your hair off when there are still so many possibilities offered here.

[oncetwice]

Ok so I've decided it's time to get it cut professionally, or semi-professionally. I need advice.

My preferred cut is typically layered and oval. For my hair type (banana curls, thin, brittle, etc) should I be getting a different style?

Then there's the issue of cost vs quality. I have a neighbor who I can pay 20 bucks to get the haircut, or I can go to the salon and pay 60 bucks (including tip). Personally I feel $60 is excessive, and when I ask why it costs that much the girl always tells me that it's determined by length -- back when my hair was waist length, sure, bot now? I feel like I'm being ripped off at $60.

I'm not really sure which haircut would be of better quality. I don't feel that either person/place will adequately answer any of my questions or provide me with any usable advice, and both will have my hair feeling ratty again within a week. The real difference I guess is that I'd feel more "confident" in the $60 one, though I honestly don't know if that is justified.

Please advise.

[winship2]

Ok so I've decided it's time to get it cut professionally, or semi-professionally. I need advice.

I'm not really sure which haircut would be of better quality. I don't feel that either person/place will adequately answer any of my questions or provide me with any usable advice, and both will have my hair feeling ratty again within a week. The real difference I guess is that I'd feel more "confident" in the $60 one, though I honestly don't know if that is justified.

Please advise.

Hi OP :) I pay $50 for my cuts and $10 for a tip. I figure I pay for what's NOT getting cut, i.e. my stylist is always respectful of what I ask her to do and never overcuts. It's a lot, but I'm getting what I want and I like and trust her, so it's OK. (PS If anyone is in Portland, OR and wants her name, let me know!)

I think references/testimonials are a better way to judge what your experience might be than price alone. Can you get recommendations or check Yelp or a similar online site? And good luck to you!

[oncetwice]

That's actually a good point and something I neglected to mention. A $20 haircut from my neighbor is always over-cut, but a $60 from the stylist might seem under-cut and I'd have leftover split ends here and there.

[spidermom]

Honestly, I think your problem is not your hair. My advice would be to explore ways to keep your hands out of your hair and focus on your other health problems and getting them as under control as you can. The picking at your hair and scalp sounds like an expression of anxiety, but if you get your health under control, your hair will be fine. Try a cool rinse instead of washing it as often, and only brush it carefully just before you wash it. Also find a place where you can be outside in the sunshine at least half an hour on sunny days; that will help your vitamin D.

[spidermom]

More advice:
1) Get an empty bottle with a thin opening at the top that you can squirt with. An empty shampoo or conditioner bottle may be perfect for this.
2) Get a shower comb with wide teeth that have blunt ends. Goody sells a couple different varieties of these.
3) Buy a shampoo formulated for itchy scalp.
4) Wet your hair. Put warm water in your bottle, then add your shampoo - the same amount you would usually use. Shake well. Put the opening right next to your scalp and squirt solution onto your entire scalp. I apply mine in stripes, starting at the forehead side, and running a line back toward the nape of my neck, come back to forehead area but 1/2 inch over, run another line, and so forth until my entire scalp has been covered with shampoo solution. Or if I'm bending forward with my hair falling in front of me, I reverse direction and go from nape toward forehead.
5) Comb over scalp with the shower comb, NOT THE LENGTH. Make sure you comb over your entire scalp in the same direction as the hair is falling (see 4). Be sure to take 2 or 3 minutes to do this so that the medication in the itchy scalp formula has time to work.
6) Rinse well. Use conditioner on length only, not the scalp. You can comb the conditioner through the length. Rinse again.

Skip at least one day between washes. Don't scratch with fingers EVER, use the comb to comb over the itchy spots. It's really important that you keep your fingers out of your hair. Put on gloves if you have to, or get your hands busy doing something else.

[chloecalls4]

That's how I wash my hair when using shampoo: I dilute it with water and fill it with just enough shampoo to cover the bottom of the container. The rest is water and I apply it directly to the scalp using an applicator bottle, similar to the kinds salons use for colour treatments. I got mine at Sally's Beauty Supply. (I also add in 2 ounces of conditioner but that's because I have super-curly hair -- 4a).

I did suffer with an itchy scalp mostly due to constant wet hair. I used a variety of methods such as tea tree oil and peppermint oil so I cant pinpoint and say this worked over the other. I do continue to use a peppermint/tea tree oil conditioner (trader joe's tea tree tingle) that I love and it has kept the itchiness at bay and i now blow-dry my hair on warm. i can put the dryer on my lap with it running and not get burned.

Some of the other items I use are a wooden comb (very gentle) and I use a widu brush. HIGHLY recommend. That brush feels like a scalp massage!

[oncetwice]

UPDATE #2:

Thanks again everyone for the advice and tips and suggestions.

The day before yesterday I went to my neighbor's to get my hair cut for $20. It was about an inch or two past shoulder length at the longest points, and very uneven from me chopping away at problem areas. She cut me into layers, which is what I wanted anyway, but coming out I felt that the shorter layers were too short and I was afraid it'd look bad. That first day I let it air dry naturally and it looked good, lots of volume. and the straw patches were smooth and shiny like the rest of the hair. But when I ran my fingers through it there were knots and I could feel where it would break if I kept going, so I stopped.

Yesterday I decided to blow dry it and touch it up with the flat iron. I know this is something that most consider damaging to hair, but I think mine ends up growing more and staying healthier because when blow dried it doesn't knot when I touch it, it doesn't frizz, and I can go a day or two without washing it (so no over-washing). And it looked GREAT! I went out with my dogs and got a lot of compliments.

Just waking up and brushing my hair after sleeping on it I notice a big difference between post-haircut blown dry vs post-haircut natural/air dry. I had only two strands of hair come out, as opposed to a huge wad, and my scalp doesn't feel as itchy and my hair doesn't feel as greasy. I really don't know why or how this is possible, but blow dried makes a tremendous difference, so for now, for as long as I can keep it up, I plan to wash and blow dry every 2 or 3 days for a few months and see how it affects my hair growth. I can say though as far as the "pulling" goes, blow dried helps a lot. I can ouch it and not break it or knot it and that alone is going to be a huge benefit.

My next issue to tackle is grey hairs. There are quite a few, not in any real cluster, and they are more visible when blow dried. I really like my natural color and my natural highlights and i have not found any dyes that come anywhere close to matching it. I'm a chocolate brown that turns gold with reddish highlights in the sunlight. What should I do about my grey hairs?

[Anje]

Blowing your hair dry is far from the worst thing you can do to it. Flat irons are generally considered more damaging because the heat is direct, but if you can put your hand in front of the dryer and it doesn't hurt, I can't imagine that it does much harm to the hair. Besides, if it reduces the trouble your hair causes otherwise and increases your confidence, I'd say it's a net positive result!

As far as hair color... First of all, in case no one ever says it to you, there isn't a rule that you have to color your grays. Many people choose not to and regard them as another form of highlights. :) Whether you do is your personal choice, not something you should feel compelled about.

That said, my first thought is that maybe you'd like the results of senna/cassia obovata as a natural dye. It's a gold-yellow color that normally fades out in a month or two, and it's really only going to influence the color of light colored hairs, so it might turn your grays to gold. Downsides are that it can be a bit drying (but many also report it being strengthening and conditioning, just that they need to do a moisture treatment after), it might be too brassy for your liking (strand test it!), and it's a ground-up plant-powder mud that you have to slap on your head and wear for something like an hour, not an easy-to-apply dye.

[elsieivy]

I'm glad you're feeling better. I agree with Anje that cassia might be a good option for you if you want to color as you're looking for gold tones. A deposit only dye like Adore might have a color you like as well.
I don't generally blow dry but I know a lot of members here with long healthy hair use blow driers without an issue.

[lapushka]

Yep, a blow drier isn't a tool from hell (like a straightener or curling iron is), as it doesn't generate that much heat. Turn it on cool/warm, and you should be just fine!

[alexis917]

Why were you brushing curly hair? Of course it becomes an afro, it isn't meant to be brushed. Try the curly girl method, or at least look into CO-washing and finger detangling! Your natural hair texture is the most beautiful.

[luxurioushair]

Sorry to hear you have all these problems. I don't think your scalp is really the cause of them. You might really have to face your general health problems face on. Starting good habits like eating healthier food, getting a little exercise 3-4 days a week and drinking a lot of water will really help you. If you like soda it's best to quit it and drink tea/real fruit juice instead. These are things that improve anyone's quality of life and your hair will grow. I am really thin but when I didn't exercise and drink enough water, I was always tired and my hair didn't grow as fast as it does now. The good thing is you'll start to feel better long before you exit the overweight+diabetic stage.

Other than tackling the general health problems, I personally don't know what else can be done. The doctors might have creams or pills or whatever for you to use, but those things don't work forever...

[Silverbrumby]

Yep, a blow drier isn't a tool from hell (like a straightener or curling iron is), as it doesn't generate that much heat. Turn it on cool/warm, and you should be just fine!

I'm now using a blow dryer again and I am so much happier with my hair. I can still go curly when I'm in the mood for it but straightening it slightly really makes my happier. Good luck on your journey with hair and health.

[enting]

I still struggle with pulling hairs, though I've never received a diagnosis for it. I am trying to redirect the pulling urge toward finger combing and S&Ding. They help to a certain extent because my hand is still in my hair, but I'm making it better, not worse. My scalp also itches a lot, I think scalp that has had a lot of hair pulled might be sensitized or something and become itchy in some cases. Sometimes the only thing that helps is putting my hair up and wrapping it up in a scarf with a velvet headband underneath to keep the scarf on. Something about the slight pressure eases the itch for me somehow, and it's harder to get at my hair and scalp when they're all wrapped up. Blow-dried hair being smoother makes sense to me because curly hair can dry in kinks and twists that end up feeling bumpy, while blow drying ends up separating and smoothing the hairs.