People touching your hair without permission?

[unicornlady]

I've concluded from many comments and signatures that this happens a lot.

I just wondered does it happen that often as it seems from the comments here, and at what length did it start happening to you?

I love looking upon beautiful long hair and complimenting people for it, but I'd never even get the idea to touch it unless it was my close friend's, so this is really weird that someone would do this. Hair is a body part just like any other. I am just MBL for the first time in my life so I dont have the wowz factor for it to happen to me, lol. So I wondered what your experiences were.

[lapushka]

You wouldn't believe how many times this topic was here already. ;)

[unicornlady]

I'm sorry. Can a mod delete this? I first searched "touching hair" but nothing came up. I always search before asking anything but it doesnt really work like I'd want it to.

[lapushka]

I'm sorry. Can a mod delete this? I first searched "touching hair" but nothing came up. I always search before asking anything but it doesnt really work like I'd want it to.

Oh, don't worry about it! I'm not sure if I'd be able to find the other threads either. The titles might be different.

Oh here's a few:

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=94975
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=130879
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=119162

[Madora]

Personally, I don't understand this need for utter strangers to want to touch someone else's hair. If they ASK first, that is different..but one should not feel obligated to let them do so unless they want to. Many years ago some guy asked to touch my hair and I told him no. He acted offended and got huffy. I knew I made the right decision after his snit. The only other time some asked if they could touch my hair happened last year at Target. I was wearing my hair down in a braid and a sweet Asian lady asked if she could touch it. Since she asked (and seemed GENUINELY interested in my hair) I let her touch it. We had a delightful conversation about long hair and it was a very pleasant experience.

[missrandie]

Honestly, people had more grabby responses to my hair in a pixie. But then again, it was always people I knew.

[unicornlady]

Thanks for the links. I decided not to request thread removal because I was interested into something a bit different - I was interested to know at what lenght it starts happening if length was the main factor, besides how often. It seems from these threads that people are indeed rude often.

[Seeshami]

It started happening at waist for me and became a normal occurrence at hip and tail bone.

I also started dancing at that time so I am sure that was part of it as well

[lapushka]

Thanks for the links. I decided not to request thread removal because I was interested into something a bit different - I was interested to know at what lenght it starts happening if length was the main factor, besides how often. It seems from these threads that people are indeed rude often.

Oh okay. Darn that's the second time this week I should have read better. ;)

[Doreen]

For me it was around TBL; I was 13-15 (I maintained there for a while). Usually adults who felt like they had the right to pet me like some sort of animal...not pleasant. As I've gotten older I wear it up much more often so it happens less, but a couple times when it's been in a single braid someone has come up behind and pulled on the end and I get very angry and also paranoid since sometimes I don't even feel it.

[Kitsunesunset]

I have gotten angry when people I do not know felt the need to grab or touch my hair without asking. Mostly people I know do and I usually don't mind letting them, as long as they ask, depending on the person. But the majority where I live seem to know better and only exclaim about how long it is.

It started happening enough to notice at waist length or so.

[Nadine <3]

I had my hair in a side braid today instead of in a bun like I normally do and some lady at church picked up my braid off my shoulder and pet it and I almost smacked her hand. The only reason I held myself back was because I work at the church, but seriously!! My hair is an inch or two away from BSL so my braid isn't even long yet, but it was JUST long enough so that her hand poked me in the boob when she grabbed it. I mean seriously can you not just grab my hair and pet it I am NOT a darned puppy dog!!

[AZDesertRose]

I don't really get the "people wanting to touch my hair" at this stage, but back when I had it much longer (waist to classic range) there were a number of people who would use my braid as a bell-pull to get my attention and it really ticked me off. Tap me on the shoulder or call my name; freaking DO NOT PULL MY HAIR! :mad:

That said, I don't mind letting people touch my hair if they ask nicely and aren't creepy, or if I know them well. (My daughter likes to play with my hair, but I don't mind that. She tried putting it in victory rolls once last summer that failed spectacularly for reasons we couldn't quite nail down, LOL.)

[*ReiKa*]

People have ALWAYS touched my hair without asking for my permission. Not even a single one has ever showed the least hesitation before going for my hair.
It started pretty much at hip lenght.

[Dixie_Amazon]

Someone pulled my braid in high school (back in the dark ages) while I was at my locker. I whirled around and gave them a elbow hard to the ribs. That never happened again. :twisted:

[Mimha]

I have two very different experiences of hair touching :

When I had TBL+ hair, it often happened that college friends - both guys and girls - would pull my braid to draw my attention, which I didn't like at all as I felt it far "beyond familiar" and often rather provocative. My hair is not a bell to ring me, or a funny hanging stuff to play with and make fun of. Period.

The other time was when I was 20 and I had my long hair cut all of a sudden into a short pixie and permed it all curly. It was a drastic but lovely change. But halas, a lot of people thought it allowed (for God knows what reason ! Is cuteness a reason ???) to rub their hands through my short curls and exclaim how cute a little sheep / poodle / Arab girl I was !!

Thinking about it now sounds more funny than offensive, but at that time it drove me mad, lol.

[Ephemia]

It doesn't happen to me that often. I think people are generally quite polite here and ask if they do want to touch my hair. Generally all I get is compliments, but one old lady did ask to touch it once and I let her. There's a girl at college, too, who adores my hair and has a habit of grabbing it. Sometimes I'll be quietly getting on with my work and suddenly my plait's being wrapped around my neck.

I think it was around TBL when people started to notice my hair, but it's only since I reached knee that the compliments have really started rolling in.

[AngelaE8654]

I don't really get the "people wanting to touch my hair" at this stage, but back when I had it much longer (waist to classic range) there were a number of people who would use my braid as a bell-pull to get my attention and it really ticked me off. Tap me on the shoulder or call my name; freaking DO NOT PULL MY HAIR! :mad:

That said, I don't mind letting people touch my hair if they ask nicely and aren't creepy, or if I know them well. (My daughter likes to play with my hair, but I don't mind that. She tried putting it in victory rolls once last summer that failed spectacularly for reasons we couldn't quite nail down, LOL.)

LOL, that reminds me of my favorite, favorite movie of all time: Anne of Green Gables. She got mad when Gilbert pulled her braid and broke his slate over his head. :D

On a more serious note, people wouldn't even do that to a dog, unless they want to get bitten. With my younger dog, I can touch his tail and such but I never, never, NEVER pull his tail. Why would a grown adult pull another person's hair??

[lapushka]

It doesn't happen to me, hasn't in years. Why? I don't get out much. And it's always up. Out of sight, out of mind. I do sometimes get "interest" shown in my bun, though. Sometimes the pretty "bling" is admired and I quite like that, as long as nobody pulls my bling out of my hair!

[Vijikanth]

Now that my hair is near to my belt and being a male, I attract lots of attention from friends and relatives. Mostly they comment on the texture and length. But few of my close relatives love to pull it down to check the length. I have curly hair. At times I get furious, but mostly I like the attention..:)
I don't encourage anyone to even touch my mane at workplace. I retaliate so openly and loudly that they wont bother me next time

[momschicklets]

I probably shouldn't admit this, :whistle: but I almost did this the other day....ALMOST! There was a lady in front of me at the grocers with super long, shiny black hair and suddenly I was like :agape: and like a moth to a flame my hand began to travel towards her hair and was going to...touch it! But I caught myself and hand-slapped myself :slap: and was pretty mortified that I got so close to this big NO-NO. shudder:shudder: She never knew the drama going on behind her... LOL :couch:

[Mimha]

:lol: Lol !...

I love the way you tell this little story, momschicklets ! Beautiful hair is indeed so irresistible sometimes !! It happened 2 or 3 times that I found myself touching someone's hair, but oooops, realized TOO LATE that it was a little beyond familiar ! It was never with complete strangers, though. Usually students friends or colleagues at work. :oops:

I usually apologize by saying that the hair was soooo irresistible, and even if I had some surprised reaction, nobody felt offended in the end. :wannabe: But I have to admit that prior to reading LHCers' posts about that, I was not really conscious that touching somebody's hair could be so "intruding" and disrespectful. I did it out of spontaneous enthusiasm and with genuine admiration, lol. I don't mind people touching my hair that way. What I don't like is people pulling my braid for fun or arriving behind me and grasping it. I'm too much afraid of having it cut by surprise by a hair maniac, ha ha ha ha !

[AZDesertRose]

LOL, that reminds me of my favorite, favorite movie of all time: Anne of Green Gables. She got mad when Gilbert pulled her braid and broke his slate over his head. :D

On a more serious note, people wouldn't even do that to a dog, unless they want to get bitten. With my younger dog, I can touch his tail and such but I never, never, NEVER pull his tail. Why would a grown adult pull another person's hair??

Exactly. You pull a dog's or cat's tail and said animal will likely bite (and/or scratch, in the case of a cat) the everloving crap out of you.

But I'm supposed to just smile and say, "Yes? What did you want?" when you pull my braid to get my attention? All else aside, it isn't exactly comfortable to be yanked by the back of my head, as I have arthritis and disc problems in my neck (which the people who did this knew about), so yanking my head back HURTS. (The hair pulling didn't really hurt my scalp much because it was pretty much all my hair at once, but the snap-back motion of my head hurts my neck.)

[LeMimi13]

My hair was blown straight a week ago to get a trim.. and honestly? I was so annoyed on friday with a classmate who kept finger combing it! I was playing vards with a group of friends and she kept behind me brushing it with her fingers! I tried to tell her I wanted to keep it straight for a long time and that I dont like people touching my hair, but damb it, she wouldnt stop, I had to be a bit rude... even the guys playong cards were looking at her a bit mad, like "could you stop" but not saying it out loud... what annoyed me is that she's SO into haircare - but says braids are damaging- and she's a curlie, so she knkws how special a blowout feels, though she kept doing that:(

[Ephemia]

I probably shouldn't admit this, :whistle: but I almost did this the other day....ALMOST! There was a lady in front of me at the grocers with super long, shiny black hair and suddenly I was like :agape: and like a moth to a flame my hand began to travel towards her hair and was going to...touch it! But I caught myself and hand-slapped myself :slap: and was pretty mortified that I got so close to this big NO-NO. shudder:shudder: She never knew the drama going on behind her... LOL :couch:

Ha ha ha, that reminds me of this time at college last year. In those days I wore my hair in a ponytail, because no one had at that point bothered to tell me I needed to plait it for practicals (don't get me started on that, it's a long, complicated story!) and I suddenly realised that one of my tutors, who was a man, was standing behind me and apparently fighting the urge to plait my hair. One of my friends agreed that she had an urge to do it as well, which was what clued me in. This tutor seems to quite enjoy plaiting hair; he's got a daughter and plaits ribbons into hers.

[longhairvixen]

Ive never had a complete stranger touch my hair. But ive had cowoworkers and schoolmates pet my hair and play with it without permission. I dont mind, because i know them. But if a stranger ever tried to touch me :luke:

[endlessly]

I haven't had it happen to me too often, but the few occasions where it did were very uncomfortable (almost borderline traumatic) so I'm sure that's why they stand out so strongly in my mind. Because long hair is such a rarity, I'm sure that has to do with people wanting to touch it and most of the time, it's mainly just because they want to know whether it's real hair or extensions. When I've worn my hair in curls or braid waves, I definitely attract more attention to it, too, and again, people probably just want to touch what's new and different to them.

[woodswanderer]

Oh man, I got a little scare today. One of the kids at school who was behind me gave my hair a tiny tug and it scared me for a second because the kids were making props for a play, and some of them were cutting cardboard.

I thought someone had snipped off my hair by accident. Luckily she was just messing around and touching it, and no hair was accidentally snipped. I probably should have been wearing it up though with all that cutting and crafting going on around me.

[Ephemia]

Oh, goodness, I hate it when someone's playing with scissors around me. Why is it that no one seems to be able to hold scissors without cutting the air, you know the way I mean? I'm terrified someone's going to pretend to be trying to cut my hair one day and misjudge the distance. Accidents happen!

[vpatt]

Uh oh, I touched my friend's braid this morning when she was trying on a hat I knit for her. We have been good friends for at least thirty years so I think it was ok. I think she would tell me if it offended her....I KNOW she would tell me.

:knit:

[pixietail]

No one wants to touch my hair. I guess it isn't really long yet. I'm stuck in the waistlands right now. Maybe if I ever make it to Hip they'll notice.

[Dragon Faery]

When I was little I used to get people touching my hair all the time. For the most part I didn't mind, because most of them were just genuinely admiring it. There was a mother of a classmate who used to braid my hair for me. She and I both loved every minute of it. Also, there was one older gentleman, when I was very small, who used to come up behind me, whisper, "such pretty hair," and kiss me on the forehead. It sounds vaguely pervy now in print, but it never felt that way at all, and I've always been hypersensitive to perviness, so I think it was just genuine admiration. Conversely, there was a boy in my gymnastics class who ALWAYS tugged on my braid during class. It drove me so mad I begged my mom to let me quit the class and even asked her to take the payment for the rest of the class out of my allowance when she insisted I finish out the session. That little boy was way more obnoxious than the old man, that's for sure.

When I got older no one ever seemed to notice or care until I started using the CG method. Then my grandma and aunt (who have the same hair as I do and were even more in denial than I was about it) couldn't stop admiring it at family functions. But as they're dear family and it was total admiration I didn't mind at all. I still wouldn't mind if someone touched it in an admiring way, but I think I would yell at someone now if they tugged on it. That's just not okay.

[Soulina]

My hair is not long enough that random people would touch it (around waist), friends do when it is down, and in Finland personal space is large so not likely to happen anytime soon. Sometimes in bar (drunk people) think its okay to touch my tattoos (!) and ask me to take off my shirt, I hope the hair touching never does happen to me.

[merseaone]

Girls use to stop me in the store when I would wear my hair in certain ways that they would like to learn so I would take my hair down and show them how to do it. Then I would do their hair. (I'm 58 now and this happened withing the last 8 years.

I raised two boys and they wanted me to play with their hair but wouldn't mess with mine. I love having my hair played with. One fella who's wife left him had four girls and he would bring the girls over for a hair playing session every so often. And one time I was in a Bible School class and the girl behind me used her pencil to slitely move my hair which I loved! My husband loves my long hair but doesn't touch it unless I tell him if he doesn't play with or brush my hair I would cut it really short. That would work for one day.

UGH! MEN! :shrug:

[unicornlady]

Lol merseaone you're funny!
I'm the same way... I enjoy when someone plays with my hair and my scalp and often get my BFF to do it... MOAR massage :purrs:! :D

[flickm]

I think the problem arises because we are apes, and apes are tactile and touch and groom each other a lot. But only within their own group. We don't have clearly defined groups now, and social networking, the media etc have made us feel we're all part of one family. Yet many people don't have much time with their close groups/friends/family and much of the day is spent with strangers or acquaintances, work colleagues etc. Our boundaries are blurred, and sometimes it's hard to know what is taboo and what isn't.

I used to get very incensed when people touched my pregnant belly as if they owned it!

[JRC]

It's interesting to consider how often strangers have touched our hair. I suppose that it happened quite a lot when I was in my early 20s, and used to leave my hair down most of the time. At that time, it was hip-level. I only really remember one time, and this is probably because it was so unexpected, but I was walking along the street with a friend (who had shoulder-length hair), and a man just walked past me, lifted my hair up in both hands, let it fall, and walked off. When I had mid-thigh lengh hair, I used to have an English braid quite often, and I think people used to touch that a lot. Also, when my hair was in a bun, curious strangers would want to take it down, to see how long it was. Of course, they had no idea that it will be really difficult to put back up, without combing or brushing it again.

[Eleven]

Ugh, somebody did not touch my hair today because it was long, but because she was curious.

I guess you all hear me nagging about my hair disaster all the time so I'm not getting deeper in to that. ;) But ever since, I wear it up, every day.
Today, one of my classmates was curious about the way my hair was cut. I did not really elaborate in the matter. I just said it was butchered and that they were going to have to get used to me wearing it up. She was asking a few times if I could let it down, so she and some others could see how it looked (we were in class). I responded 'no' to that a few times. I just don't feel comfortable wearing my hair down with others, especially in public. I told her so a couple of times.

But she didn't take the 'no'. And she pulled out my hair band. And did not wanted to give it back.
Lovely. Just lovely. I can't remember the last time I was so angry.

The worst part of all is that she did not understand my fury. It's not about the ugly hair, it's about boundaries. My body is my body, and when I say no, because I don't like the treatment they want to give to my body, for whatever reason, it has to be accepted. Not ignored. Ugh.

[*ReiKa*]

People touch our hair without permission simply because they think it's NO BIG DEAL. They don't think hair is an "important" part of our body, in short.
I've already posted on this thread and told you about the million times people have touched and still touch my hair without even a glimpse of hesitation, I have looked in their face when they were doing that, they just think there's nothing wrong with it.
Also, I'd like to remind that we care for our hair in a "particular" way, in a way that other people DON'T. For some people hair doesn't deserve the attention and especially the gentleness that we think it does, for some people hair just hangs there on the head without much value, consequently, they don't see touching our hair as a big deal.

[flickm]

Ugh, somebody did not touch my hair today because it was long, but because she was curious.

I guess you all hear me nagging about my hair disaster all the time so I'm not getting deeper in to that. ;) But ever since, I wear it up, every day.
Today, one of my classmates was curious about the way my hair was cut. I did not really elaborate in the matter. I just said it was butchered and that they were going to have to get used to me wearing it up. She was asking a few times if I could let it down, so she and some others could see how it looked (we were in class). I responded 'no' to that a few times. I just don't feel comfortable wearing my hair down with others, especially in public. I told her so a couple of times.

But she didn't take the 'no'. And she pulled out my hair band. And did not wanted to give it back.
Lovely. Just lovely. I can't remember the last time I was so angry.

The worst part of all is that she did not understand my fury. It's not about the ugly hair, it's about boundaries. My body is my body, and when I say no, because I don't like the treatment they want to give to my body, for whatever reason, it has to be accepted. Not ignored. Ugh.

I'm not surprised you were furious. Pulling out your hair band is way beyond anything that is permissable. Luckily most people grow out of that kind of behaviour.

[Mimha]

People touch our hair without permission simply because they think it's NO BIG DEAL. They don't think hair is an "important" part of our body, in short.
I've already posted on this thread and told you about the million times people have touched and still touch my hair without even a glimpse of hesitation, I have looked in their face when they were doing that, they just think there's nothing wrong with it.
Also, I'd like to remind that we care for our hair in a "particular" way, in a way that other people DON'T. For some people hair doesn't deserve the attention and especially the gentleness that we think it does, for some people hair just hangs there on the head without much value, consequently, they don't see touching our hair as a big deal.

... Well... I wonder how THEY would react, though, if we touched theirs^^. I'm pretty sure they would be very surprised if you grasped theirs in return, ha ha ha !

[Brunette_Barbie]

For some reason, I have noticed that most people that touch strangers' hair happen to be middle aged or elderly women. It's as if when one reaches a certain age, they no longer consider the boundaries of others.

[reilly0167]

Oh yes..I know all too well...people say to me your hair is beautiful...I say thank you..compliments always accepted BUT..sometimes its followed by is it a weave and actually feel my hair..ladies im not talking a just a touch I mean FEEL like they dont believe me when I say no...so they take it upon themselves to feel for tracks.

[Hairkay]

I do recall a time in college when a class mate just reached out and touched my hair then exclaimed, "Oh wow! it's incredibly soft". I was thinking what did she expect, it's hair after all. Hair is supposed to be soft. I hadn't seen that coming. She was married to a black guy and they had two children so I don't think my hair should be unfamiliar to her.

[irodaryne]

... Well... I wonder how THEY would react, though, if we touched theirs^^. I'm pretty sure they would be very surprised if you grasped theirs in return, ha ha ha !

The last time my hair was at a "ooooo lemme touch!" length, the ends were severely damaged so it didn't look nice and nobody really wanted to. After reading about people getting handsy with other's hair without asking, I've decided that when my hair does get to the "let me touch it without permission!" length, that is exactly what I'm going to do if someone grabs it without permission. I'm going to return the favor and just run my hand through their hair going "WOW YOU'RE HAIR IS SO SHORT BLAH BLAH BLAH"

[MsPharaohMoan]

I'm going to return the favor and just run my hand through their hair going "WOW YOU'RE HAIR IS SO SHORT BLAH BLAH BLAH"

-cackles- it's so late, and I'm so tired, but this quote is sooo good...

[kikuhoshi]

I had someone try to rip out my ponytail and the metal spiral I had in it when I was working retail. I never realized how non-human people actually consider retail workers until that point. This was also the same store where multiple customers got upset at my refusal to allow them to try on my wedding ring set while I was working jewelry, so the entitlement was strong. :P

[Mtipton10]

Wow. My hair is only at shoulder length, but it's incredibly thick and silky. So this is what I have to look forward to. Fan-freaking-tastic.

[Eastbound&Down]

Back in high school when my hair was around TBL, people would touch it all the time. I think mostly out of curiosity and while sometimes it was irritating no one ever meant any harm. My mom and sister will play with it and comment on the length and my husband will absentmindedly play with it while we relax on the couch which I enjoy :) I don't know how I would react if a stranger yanked on my hair.

[Groovy Granny]

It has never happened to me.....and I doubt it ever will; it is not the style here and just ignored ...especially at my age :p

If it was a friend or relative...maybe ok...if they don't mess it up.

An acquaintance :nono:....they'd probably get a defensive arm gesture to distance us ....and a 'do not touch/ personal space' statement of some sort.

On second thought...a compliment from ANYONE now and then...or at least ONCE would be nice :shrug: lol

[DweamGoiL]

Guilty as charged! I did this just the other day without even thinking. It was a cousin of mine, who is more like a little sister. Her hair is long and curly. I just LOVE it and envy it. For me, her hair is the perfect hair and before I even thought about it, I was touching and scrunching the curls. Then, it hit me and it reminded me of the countless times I've seen people not appreciate this on this board and I kind of felt guilty. She didn't seem to mind. She seemed more flattered than anything else. It turns out she wishes she had my hair...go figure!

[Groovy Granny]

Guilty as charged! I did this just the other day without even thinking. It was a cousin of mine, who is more like a little sister. Her hair is long and curly. I just LOVE it and envy it. For me, her hair is the perfect hair and before I even thought about it, I was touching and scrunching the curls. Then, it hit me and it reminded me of the countless times I've seen people not appreciate this on this board and I kind of felt guilty. She didn't seem to mind. She seemed more flattered than anything else. It turns out she wishes she had my hair...go figure!

LOL too funny!

I have never done that to someone's hair...but a pregnant belly...guilty as charged (on a person I know of course) :o
It is that miracle of life experience that always touched me, especially when the baby starts to move or you see a little foot :heart:
I must say that 99% of the time now I DO ASK first :wannabe:

And yes..I would ask before a hair touch first too ....if it was amazing ;)

[Eastbound&Down]

LOL too funny!

I have never done that to someone's hair...but a pregnant belly...guilty as charged (on a person I know of course) :o
It is that miracle of life experience that always touched me, especially when the baby starts to move or you see a little foot :heart:
I must say that 99% of the time now I DO ASK first :wannabe:

And yes..I would ask before a hair touch first too ....if it was amazing ;)

#1 pet peeve when I was pregnant is people I don't know touching my stomach. Like, excuse me, can you not? Lol!

[Loveisaverb]

I can understand for people to do it if they are close or loved ones, but its also so foreign to me to think strangers without even a second thought pull or touch others hair.
It just blows my mind, I wouldn't even dare just go up to someone and tug on their hair. shudder:
My mother told me people would come up to her and pull on her hair, asking her it was real. (mostly in bars...)

[Pearly~91]

I haven't had too much trouble with people grabbing my hair since high school, and as an adult the only problems I've had have been in situations where people have been drinking. :rolleyes: BUT, I am a person who has perfected the art of emitting leave me alone vibes. I also have a really good you really need to stop whatever you are about to do stare.