Post Breakup Hair

[HintOfMint]

I broke up with my SO. He forced my hand, really. So while I technically ended things, I'm still thinking of him, eating cheese (or nothing), and sobbing while watching Louie on Netflix. We were even going to watch the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight together, but that's not happening...
The normal thing to do after a breakup is a pixie cut or color change. That's not really my style, and I think some/many/most people on LHC feel the same.

So here I am, post-breakup, solidly without any romantic prospects on the horizon, and oddly enough, not interested in changing my situation. At the risk of feeling and acting like a cliche, I'm... ugh... going to take some time to focus on me. On top of reading, brushing up on my Spanish and various internal BS to fill that yawning abyss within me, I'm also going to do various soothing nonsense to my appearance. Including my hair.

First on my list is a haircut. My hair looks like a blunt mess with some floppy, mushroom-like, grown-out bangs on top. Long layers are in order so I can finally wear my hair down without feeling disappointed. Then I will sit with a nice cup of coffee and my scissors for a much needed S&D for anything the haircut missed. And then hopefully by the end of my third SMT with avocado I will be less of a sad sack of romantic disappointment, searing loneliness and cheese.

So... What do y'all do with your appearance/hair after a breakup, if anything? Does spa-like pampering make you feel better or is that just time?

[Bossa Nova]

I'm sorry :flower:

I think one should do what is necessary to get by as intact as possible. Self pampering and keeping up appearances is fine, especially added with adopting a "See, I obviously have a lot more fun withou you" attitude (look where that got Duchess Kate and she didn't even have to cut her hair) if one can muster it. Sometimes introspection and praying/asking the universe kindly for help and support is best and it won't hurt to have really soft, shiny long hair while doing it.

[Seventy7]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Lots of hugs and love from me. Here are some flowers for you. :flowers:

In the old days, when I didn't care too much about growing, I have cut back to a short bob, dyed red or aubergine. Such a cliché, but it was good, back then.
Now I hope I don't get to that place anymore, so I wouldn't know what I'd do.

Spa-like pampering will not fix everything, I'm afraid. That will likely just take time. But in the meantime it can make you feel pretty and good about yourself. It also gives some nice time to not think about anything too much and not having to do much.

Enjoy pampering yourself. Feel good about yourself. You're worth that.
Enjoying little things and feeling good in your skin, does help with getting over it. Focus on the good things you have and the things you don't have might be of less importance.

I hope you're really happy with your haircut and updated, moisturised hair.

[gwenalyn]

Pampering is great :) I know you said a color change isn't your thing, but you could experiment with non-permanent veggie dyes (not red). Make sure you include social activities in the next few weeks! Maybe a Spanish discussion group, to go along with your Spanish studying?

[cat11]

mmmmmmm nothing. Maybe deep condition. Whats breakup got to do with hair anyway

[Quixii]

:grouphug:

I didn't do anything with my hair post-breakup. It was long before him and I still wanted it long after him, so I didn't see a reason to do anything drastic. I think I did keep it in the same messy bun for the first couple days, though.
I didn't really do any of the stereotypical things, except eat some chocolate fro-yo and cry a lot. I didn't see any reason to change me just because he decided he didn't want it anymore. I still like(d) who I am.

[schnibbles]

:grouphug: Nothing wrong with feeling the way you are right now, we've all been there at one point or another.
Long layers sound like a great idea. I wish I had blended in my growing-out bangs when they were at their most ridiculous-looking. I just suffered through it and that was dumb. Wear your hair down for awhile, enjoy it and feel feminine (if you're into that)

There ain't nothin a good cheese can't cure... :D

[-Fern]

I would recommend holding off on any cutting... pampering, SMT's, S&D are all great ideas, though!! I think the only thing I did post-breakup was throw my straightening iron out. He never even said he liked my hair straight, but for some reason I had it in my head that he liked it that way, so I was probably doing all sorts of damage to my hair for nothing. :laugh:

Oh, well. That chapter of your life is closed (whether for better or worse, or whatever). Now you have this awesome opportunity to start writing the next chapter! It can hurt like hell. And sometimes the blank pages are intimidating. But keep moving forward.

:cheese: And cheese is absolutely the correct way to proceed right now.

[meteor]

Hugs to you, HintOfMint! :grouphug: :heartbeat

I didn't even know that "the normal thing to do after a breakup is a pixie cut or color change"? :confused: Sounds like a recipe for potential regret later, no?

Personally, I find it helpful that after any big loss, I don't want to do anything at all to my hair or even see it, so I keep it in the same simple bun all the time, I detangle just enough to avoid matting and wash just enough to look presentable in public... so benign neglect to the max... Until I feel much better and can consider other options rationally with no emotional stuff factoring in.

I think in general, I'd recommend staying away from any rash decisions (like new permanent dye jobs, new cuts, etc.), when under big stress or when recovering from a loss. :flower:
But doing hair masks, deep treatments and other forms of pampering / spa-like experience is probably a great thing to do at this time, as it's very grounding activity, slow, calming and is a great part of self-care. :D

Hugs to you! :grouphug: I hope you'll feel much better soon! :flowers:

[lapushka]

Just don't do anything too too drastic, even though it might be tempting. Take a few days to calm down and don't act on impulse. Leave your hair alone, if possible, for a few weeks, and *think* about it!

[diddiedaisy]

Sending you hugs. Breaking up with someone you love is hard, even when you know its for the best. I had a temporary split from my husband a couple of years ago and I had the nose job I'd always wanted, I wouldn't have been able to spend that kind of money on myself while with him :) :) :) Now that's drastic, but funnily enough I wouldn't have got a pixie!!!

The best thing to do in these cases is surround yourself with friends who can make you laugh and let you have a good cry. You will feel better at some point, that's a given. So try not to do something you may regret, be 100% about your decisions.

[ChloeDharma]

I agree that big changes that will have to be grown out if you regret them are best made when you are in a calm state of mind. That said I have found that choosing something that's completely about me to focus on has been very helpful when I've had relationship breakup's in the past. When I broke up with my ex I had just started a course in aromatherapy and it was perfect timing. I made friends and kept my focus completely on the oils etc. To be fair I didn't really like him anyway and was glad to be rid of him but it did give me a positive focus.

I think you sound like you have some great ideas for dealing with this and the focusing on yourself thing is exactly what I'd advise someone going through a breakup to do. Hair and skin care are really good things to get into because as well as making you look good you are also reminding yourself that you are important and deserve to be looked after and yes, that does include by yourself.

I know breakups can hurt and you will go through a grieving process but you then come out the other side and the pain goes away. I wish you the best of luck and hope you feel better soon :grouphug:

[Remi]

Oh, HintofMint..I can feel your pain all the way here. I had one nasty breakup that ended with my cutting off my somewhere-around-my-bottom length hair up to chin length. Yikes. But, now maybe being older and wiser, I would do like you said; pamper and baby your hair now, deep conditioners, or SMT, lots of old movies, and herbal mint tea along with some chocolate and cheese. :) Feel better! :blossom:

[chen bao jun]

Now you have time to put youtube on and practice complicated braided hairstyles in front of a mirror.

I know it doesn't help to think about at the moment, but if he broke up with you, that means he didn't appreciate you and THAT means he didn't deserve you.

Also (and this may not be comforting either) I am the mother of sons and they share things with me occasionally. Sometimes they have broken up with a girl not because there was anything wrong with her and even when they liked her a lot, but because there was something wrong with THEM or not wrong, exactly. Just that they weren't ready to settle down yet for whatever reason and felt it was unfair to keep stringing the girl along.

[kidari]

I think your plans sound good. Anything that keeps you busy and it's an added bonus if are going to look and feel better afterwards. Just take care of yourself inside and out.

[EdG]

Grouphug, HintOfMint. :grouphug:

I don't see any connection between a relationship and hair. I suggest not changing your hair. Just give this some time. :meditate:
Ed

[AZDesertRose]

First off, I'm sorry about the break-up. Break-ups really suck. *hugs* if welcome

Next, I wouldn't do anything drastic with the hair either, but the pampering sounds like a plan. (Maybe a pedicure? That's my favorite pampering thing to do, although it has exactly jack to do with hair. :D )

The worst haircut I ever had in my life I did because I was mad at my hair, and I learned then (age 16) never to make that kind of decision in anger or any intense emotion. (I chopped hair that was at least BSL, maybe more like mid-back, to a super short style that required the stylist to shave the back of my neck and required WAY more work to look good than my long hair did--three lessons learned, there: don't make a major change in anger or other intense emotion, short hair is too much work for me, and short hair looks ridiculous with my facial features, LOL.) (BTW, it wasn't per se a bad haircut; it was fashionable at the time and cute on some people, just not on me unless it was professionally styled.)

In any case, maybe call a friend and do a spa day together? Do nice things for yourself and cry if you need to. This too shall pass. Just take care of you.

[Agnes Hannah]

Hi HintOfMint, sorry to hear what has happened to you, another hug on the way. Lots of self pampering is in order here, chocolate and cheese, but maybe not together. Use this time now for yourself, to indulge in what you like and what makes you happy. If this means a pixie, so be it, but I feel that you may regret it later. Try a small trim maybe, and perhaps gentle layers, nothing too drastic! Any social activities nearby, do you play sports or fancy doing a course at college? You mentioned Spanish, that's a great start, how fluent are you, maybe you could teach others? What ever you decide to do we are here for you and fully understand what you are going through (I have been divorced before, and remarried) it is a cliche but time is a great healer. Best of luck and loads of hugs.x

[tigress86]

First of all, I'm sorry about the breakup. These things suck, but it will all be okay.

Pampering is in order and it may include doing something to your hair, but nothing drastic. On the other hand, you might wanna take this time to do something you have never tried before. Figure out if you want to change something and if you do, then what exactly.

I have the experience of booking a time at the salon right after I got dumped by someone. I didn't do anything drastic, a color correction and a cut, and a nice, long scalp massage with some kind of treatment where they put a warm towel on my forehead and did something with essential oils. It cost a lot, but it was worth it. Anything to feel better at that moment. I booked the time so suddenly that my regular hairdresser wasn't available and I got someone else to do my hair, a really handsome, muscular, young male stylist. I know you probably don't want to think about anyone else right now but your ex but for me, that kind of attention after the breakup was really therapeutic.

[lapushka]

Just keep repeating to yourself: Don't take it out on the hair. Don't take it out on the hair!

[Colochita]

I'm sorry that happened. :flower:

I think you should do what makes you happy. I worked out a lot after my most recent breakup.

I also cut my hair, but I was transitioning from relaxed to natural and it was more coincidence than anything. I'd made the appointment long before.

That said, if cutting your hair would make you happy, go ahead and do it. Just make sure you're doing things for you right now and not for or because of him.

[Vanilla]

I am so sorry for your breakup. I'm actually going through a breakup myself as well. I usually don't have the urge to chop my hair after a breakup, it's usually that I want to start dying it again.

Last night, I was in Sally's and was tempted to dye my hair rose gold with semi-permanent dye. I backed away from the dye, and instead came home and did a really thorough S&D. I did a honey and oil masque earlier this weekend too.

Know that your feelings of sorrow are probably transient, but that hair cutting and other sudden changes are a bit more long-lasting than your sorrow is. Huge hugs.

[YvetteVarie]

Hugs to you HintOfMint

With my last major breakup, I just partied a lot, and made new friends. I did cut my hair, but only because I had a lot of split ends. But i think a spa session would be great, and more cheese after

[YvetteVarie]

Double post, oopsie

[texangrrl]

Oh, no... I'm so sorry to hear that you're hurting. :grouphug: I would follow the advice of others and do spa-like treatments for your hair. I think you should wait on a cut. If you find that you still want the cut after you begin healing, then do what you need to do for yourself. But until your thinking is clearer, I would hold off. I hope things begin looking up for you soon! :grouphug::blossom::flower:

[kganihanova]

I get bangs whenever I break up with someone. Every time and than I regret it.

[lunalocks]

Take care of yourself. But do nothing drastic with your hair. Pampering sounds great. I'd do a massage, a facial and a pedi. I'd rent some movies I have wanted to see for a longs time and invite my friends over for a slumber party. I'd sign up for a class and learn something new that is creative. Keeping yourself busy helps.

[Rapunzel_to_be]

I kind of cut my hair in shorter layers....and regretted doing so.... and once I highlighted it .... and another time I permanently straightened it ( 3 times in a row because it did not work, so my hair was of course COMPLETELY damaged... so I had to cut a loooot of it off....) Hopefully I will not let it go out on my hair next time :p

[kitcatsmeow]

Post- breakup I colored and eventually cut my hair. It took a while though. About 7 months when I was finally starting to get over him. He loved it red so I lightened it to blonde. I knew I was going to have to cut it since it had thinned dramatically from a shed but I think changing the color and cutting (he also loved it long) was kinda like a F YOU! to him. lol.

Looking back I do not regret it because I love the color I am now....light golden pearl blonde. However, I sacraficed a lot more length than I would have had I not gone platinum first.

So lesson here....maybe just get a nice trim then do you S&D and SMT. If you still want layers in 8 months, than go and get em!

[HintOfMint]

Thanks everyone for the support and hugs. it means a lot that people here are so supportive and kind.

It hurts still. I'm making a conscious decision to not get back into dating too soon. Of course, it's tempting. I went to my local bar wearing jeans and my ex's tshirt, unwashed hair in a ponytail, glasses and sat down with a book. It's hardly a singles bar, it's a very quiet and friendly cocktail joint. And somehow a cute guy ends up chatting with me and it felt so good to flirt and talk about books and comedy and all the things we love. I get his number and the next day, I just feel... blah. Because he's not the person I still love.

But I've started a new book. And I'm practicing standup comedy. And I'm practicing my Spanish. And listening to Shakespeare's monologues and soliloquies. So far, that feels really good. I'm still at that stage where everything reminds me of him, but I'm trying to push through it.

As for my hair, I'm not going to make any rash decisions. However, long layers is not a drastic change for me, it's my usual haircut. The only reason why I don't have them at the moment is because my current hairdresser isn't very good, but she is incredibly affordable and is situated near my ex-boyfriend's apartment. She's the LHC dream: $20, only cuts off as much as you want, very conservative, and shies away from layers. On the other hand, she isn't really capable of doing anything more than a blunt, simple cut and didn't even think to blend my bangs in as I'm growing them out. The trouble is, in NYC, it's hard to find that decent $50 haircut. It's either $20 and basic, or $100+ and amazing, bells and whistles.
I miss my layers and I think I found a reasonably priced place that churns out a decent haircut. So we shall see!


Now you have time to put youtube on and practice complicated braided hairstyles in front of a mirror.

I know it doesn't help to think about at the moment, but if he broke up with you, that means he didn't appreciate you and THAT means he didn't deserve you.

Also (and this may not be comforting either) I am the mother of sons and they share things with me occasionally. Sometimes they have broken up with a girl not because there was anything wrong with her and even when they liked her a lot, but because there was something wrong with THEM or not wrong, exactly. Just that they weren't ready to settle down yet for whatever reason and felt it was unfair to keep stringing the girl along.

Thank you for your kind words and experience. For what it's worth, he wanted a future with me. I knew his family and he wanted to marry me and have kids, the whole kit and caboodle. The trouble is, he had some pretty sexist views that I found to be soul-crushing. Furthermore, he was not supportive of my passions or my career. Then there are his mood swings and artist's temperament. I could go on, but, in short, it wasn't a matter of commitment issues. Sometimes I feel that would hurt less. I had to break up with him and right now it hurts so much that I love someone so flawed.

I'm my best friend's maid of honor and so I've been looking up hairstyles for the big day. I think I'll do a modified beehive.

[AZDesertRose]

Thank you for your kind words and experience. For what it's worth, he wanted a future with me. I knew his family and he wanted to marry me and have kids, the whole kit and caboodle. The trouble is, he had some pretty sexist views that I found to be soul-crushing. Furthermore, he was not supportive of my passions or my career. Then there are his mood swings and artist's temperament. I could go on, but, in short, it wasn't a matter of commitment issues. Sometimes I feel that would hurt less. I had to break up with him and right now it hurts so much that I love someone so flawed.


It sounds to me that as much as it hurts now (and I'm sure it hurts like all heck), you made the right decision for you. I know the feeling of hurting because you loved someone who was so wrong for you. At my age (39), I've done it several times, and it hurts like the very devil to realize it.

It's going to suck for a while, but in a while, you'll feel worlds better and be happier. I think you're wise not to jump back into dating, too. You need some time to yourself to heal from the breakup. Rebound relationships only hurt everyone involved, in my experience.

If you get your layers cut back in and that's the way you normally wear your hair, it might make you feel better, but I wouldn't make a drastic style change while you're hurting so badly.

Best wishes and hugs, if welcome.