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Soulina
February 26th, 2015, 12:24 AM
So two years ago my life got ruined, my dog died in traumatizing way and my relationship vent from bad to worse. It was verbally abusive already, now it got physical. About this dog, it was my life, If I could have given my life instead of hers I would have done so without second thoughts. So I ended my relationship, and found my self alone, traumatized and a afraid of everything.

Then I ended up to have the wrong people for friends. These "friends" gave me escape from reality, they introduced me to drugs. I was so lost and stupid I stared using. I used everything we found except heroin, one of these friends sexually abused me, tried to kill me (twice) also he loaned money from me about 2500€ . I was so lost, I wished the pain would just go away, even tho it grew every day.

Something happened, I found new friends, who did not use drugs, who accepted me. I quit drugs completely, I newer missed them, it was easy. After all, it was just to get the pain go away and now I found better way to do it.

I was mentally scarred, some thought beyond repair. I got panic attacks daily, I was to scarred to leave the house. I was afraid of people and pretty much everything else. Somehow I managed to return to school and get it through. I even held a speech at the last day for the whole school. I was starting to recover faster than anyone had hopped for. I got a good job, found new boyfriend that showed me what good healthy relationship is all about. No one could tell I once was a junkie of the worst kind. I went from looking like a living corpse to normal healthy young woman.

Except my hair, perhaps it will recover. It has been nearly 1,5 years now. It has gotten a little bit better. I just fear it will newer be the same it was before. Anyone has any experience of anything even slightly similar, how long did your hair take to recover.

It wont be end of my life if my hair does not recover, I am really glad just to be alive and hope that no one will ever repeat my mistake. It is small miracle that I am even alive, I was so close of dying so many times, I really should be dead.

jenrjen
February 26th, 2015, 12:36 AM
I'm so sorry to hear how low life got for you. I have to say, I am incredibly impressed you pulled yourself out of it like you did. I deal with people everyday who don't leave bad relationships, who don't/can't quit drugs and who can't get out of the depths of depression.
I'd say you have an inner strength that your post is completely discounting. You didn't ruin your life. If you had, you'd still be in that hell. You turned your life around. Be proud of yourself.
As for your hair, I don't have personal experience with the drugs, but hair is a bit of a reflection of health. Even if you damaged it before, once you get your health back, hair health usually springs back. I know it is possible to do permanent damage to the follicles, but I wouldn't think that the amount of time you were doing it would cause permanent damage. I could be wrong and hope someone with more experience answers.

I really didn't want to read without encouraging you. Cause I think you deserve some encouragement!

Stray_mind
February 26th, 2015, 12:41 AM
Hey, that is a sad yet encouraging story for all people who are going trough simmilar stuff in life. Life can allways get better and DON'T SAY you should be dead. You shouldn't. You should live and grow old and experience as many good things as possible. :grouphug: Now about your hair, i am not sure if you'll notice much improvement in your hair so fast. If i were you i'd go for a buzzcut and start taking care of my hair from scratch. But if you don't want that, you should just take care of your hair as much as possible and be very patient. All the damaged part has to get trimmed off. My own hair was destroyed by chemical dye. It looks ok where there's new growth, but most of the parts wich have been chemically dyed still get terrible tangles and breaks off easilly and it's been more than a year since my hair was chemically dyed. So just be patient and everything will work out in time.

TaterTot
February 26th, 2015, 12:43 AM
You're a huge badass - I'm so sorry about your dog, do you have photos? I love a good dog. I've been through verbal to physical violence in a relationship too, it's terrifying how quickly it can escalate, you're awesome for leaving and that saved you - at least the drugs were damages you did to yourself and you said it's easy to not be on them. That's a lot of hope for your future considering how hard it is for other people.

The hair in your avatar is gorgeous, I'm sure you didn't do follicle damage, but your nerves and guilt about it might be what makes it fall out :demon: haha keep a positive attitude and do the best care routine you find for it, I'm sure it's fine :3

This too shall pass!

Hotrox
February 26th, 2015, 01:59 AM
You sound like an awesome person, I'm very sorry to read about what you went through but mighty impressed how you have overcome it all. You sound like your in a good place now and your hair will recover, but it will take time.

My advice is to focus on your physical health, this will payoff with healthy hair. You we're likely malnourished and vitamin deficient during your using days and this will take some time to rectify. Nourish yourself with a healthy diet, eengage in a physical activity you enjoy and try to do something calming/soothing for yourself each day. 5 mins of deep breathing or a soak in a bubble bath, or whatever works for you.

I wish you and your hair all the best.

Soulina
February 26th, 2015, 04:02 AM
Thank you all for the positive comments. Atm my life is better than ever I could have dreamed it to be, its not perfect but nothing is. I try to take a picture of my hair now as it is today. It has gained back some of its shine and I have new hair growing. I started to wear it braided or in a bun again. When my life was spiraling out of control I did not care for my hair and it was most of time matted mess.

I did lose over 30kg in less than 3 months, now naturally I gained back most of it. I did damage my teeth also, but now they are taken care of, and I did got trough with surprisingly little to none permanent damage.

I did go to A-klinikka (a place where addicts that want help can go, its free and they wont judge you, also they give medical treatment as well and they have doctors and psychiatrists) , they said my "fall" was fastest and most dramatic they have seen and also that my recovery was. They have no knowledge of another case that have gotten back to normal life so fast as I did.

I do sometimes drink alcohol, maybe once a month with friends, and even then I do not drink much. I quit smoking 5 months ago.

I did suffer of sleeping problems for a long time after that, I was afraid of sleeping because I had horrible nightmares. Perhaps that has slowed down my physical recovery. Now I see nightmares couple times a week but I no longer need any sleeping pills and sleep almost trough the night.

I now appreciate my life and what I have more than I did before. I am happy of simple things of life and little things do not get me down, as I realize how lucky I am and good my things today really are.

Even tho what I went trough I trust that most people are good at the bottom of their hearts. I did see things I wish I newer had, violence and crime, but I did see the good things that people will do to help you even when they have nothing to gain from you. I did change the way I see other people, and try not to judge anyone without knowing the whole story.

Cristina84
February 26th, 2015, 04:06 AM
A big hug Soulina :blossom:
well done!

RavennaNight
February 26th, 2015, 06:30 AM
:grouphug: you are one strong, tough, smart woman. You've survived this and got through! So many people don't come back from this type of thing. Always remember you are a goddess. Don't be afraid to love yourself, and take care of yourself. It sounds like with a proper diet and conscious self care, your hair will follow you on the road to recovery.

Queentamora
February 26th, 2015, 06:32 AM
I really admire your bravery to change your life so dramatically.While I really can't imagine what you've been through but any healthy change you make will eventually show in your hair (which already looks beautiful judging by your avatar).

A few years ago I suffered from anorexia quite severely. I was an alcoholic and treated myself with no respect. my hair was always thin so I didn't notice how much I lost at the time. My parting grew wider and wider as I lost hair and it didn't grow. After a three years of recovery I can say that it is at least three times thicker than before and grows like a weed (despite the painful fact I dyed it platinum). My hairdresser even commented how thick it was which NEVER happens to me haha. Your hair will recover with time. It might become even better than before!
I suggest taking vitamin supplements and maintaing a nutritious diet whenever you can. This helped me alot anyway.
I hope this didn't sound too flippant, it's only hair after all! My recovery was never fluid; I've had many relapses but I focused on my hair improvement as one thing I could control. In the end every step made a difference. Best of luck x

Carolyn
February 26th, 2015, 06:37 AM
I think you are a strong and amazing woman who has gone through hell and is coming out of it better and stronger. I am so sorry about your dog. Try to take the best care of yourself that you can. Your body will recover before your hair but I would think it would eventually recover too. I really admire you for what you have done with your life and for sharing the story here.

Federica
February 26th, 2015, 06:47 AM
First of all, Soulina, I want to send you a big hug.
Life has been mean with you, but you recovered so fast!
You're strong, even if you don't know it yet.
I've had a very gruesome couple of years, some time ago: my mother died of cancer after a long suffering, my ex cheated on me when she died and left me. My best friend stole me 2000€. My father was an alcoholic and was only another problem, instead of supporting me.
He died soon after, too.
And I was 19 after all this mess. I was depressed and scared of everything, I lost 14kg in a couple of months for depression.
I did not loose hair, but got A LOT of silvers. And I mean a lot.
There's nothing I can do about it, but I've read many stories in here of people who went through a massive hair loss, and recovered totally after some time.
Patience is always required with hair, but it will get better, it will grow back.
Thank you for sharing your story, I wish you all the best for your new life.

Agnieszka
February 26th, 2015, 07:59 AM
You didn't ruin your life, you are fine now and I bet stronger than before. Please take care of yourself and eat good diet to nourish your body. I don't know if your hair will recover but I believe in healing power of healthy lifestyle. My hair recovered a lot after severe hair loss which was caused by combination of things (pregnancy, anaemia, malnutrition due to some crazy restrictive diets). I'm in the process of getting my hair back and I see big improvement.

AZDesertRose
February 26th, 2015, 10:14 AM
I don't think you ruined your life, either, and your hair will recover in time.

I think you're a strong and awesome person to have gotten through everything you suffered. Rock on! :)

lapushka
February 26th, 2015, 10:21 AM
Keep on the path of recovery, because it's always going to be one, IMMHO. Stay strong, and you'll get there in the end. I'd say your hair is the least of your worries. :flower:

Nightshade
February 26th, 2015, 10:23 AM
You are very brave to get off such a dark path and walk elsewhere. Think of your has as the embodiment of your recovery otherwise, as you heal, so will it :grouphug:

truepeacenik
February 26th, 2015, 12:06 PM
Your life is perfect in its imperfections.
Honor that and the amazing strength that recovery takes.

As for the hair, if you can accept and live with what it is now, care for it, and as for its recovery, it truly is cm by cm.
Nourish yourself on all levels. You hair will show it.

furnival
February 26th, 2015, 12:37 PM
You didn't ruin your life, you had a bad patch and came out the other side. Well done! I'm sure your hair will be fine in time. :grouphug:

Avis
February 26th, 2015, 01:04 PM
You should celebrate the fact that you're alive now with the people who genuinely care about you instead of thinking about the people who hurt you (easier said than done). Just give it time, your hair and your mind will recover. :grouphug:

Here's a cookie because if anyone deserves a cookie right now, it's you. :cookie:

Soulina
February 26th, 2015, 01:04 PM
Thank you for all the positive comments. They do mean a lot for me, that none one here judges me because I made mistakes in my life.

Now as I promised few pictures.
My hair today, I never did cut my hair...

http://i541.photobucket.com/albums/gg398/psilosybiini/11024822_1054250811255489_1993180800_o.jpg


And here is how I wear my hair most of the time. Perhaps someday my hair will be the way it used to be.
http://i541.photobucket.com/albums/gg398/psilosybiini/11024520_1054250977922139_903236945_o.jpg

M-L-E
February 26th, 2015, 01:08 PM
You have been through so much, and yet have come so far. You have been so strong to find new friends and relationships! I hope you continue to grow stronger and stronger, and I wish for many more positive experiences in your life to come. :heartbeat :blossom: Your hair will undoubtedly improve, as others have said, with a good diet, plenty of water and keeping as stress-free as you can! Yoga helps:)
About your dog- I totally understand how traumatising that can be :( My dogs died at the same time as my dad walking out and 4 wonderful family members dying... But strangely, it was my dogs that I couldn't talk about without breaking down. They had been with us since I was very young, so being without them felt empty and sad.

3 Cat Night
February 26th, 2015, 01:26 PM
I'm sorry about all you've been through. You're strong and brave to survive all of that. You haven't ruined your life or your hair. You'll keep recovering. Hugs!

TrapperCreekD
February 26th, 2015, 01:44 PM
So sorry that life was mean to you! :grouphug: Hair can be incredibly resilient, just keep taking care of yourself and your hair will recover in time.

SunlightShines
February 28th, 2015, 12:15 PM
Sending lots of hugs!! :grouphug: You are such a strong person! Your hair will grow healthy again. Maybe it will be different than before, just as you are, after such an experience. But as everyone says, it is one step/inch/day at a time. Try not to worry too much! Do what you can to relax and de-stress while you continue with your new healthy lifestyle. Even if it's something as simple as just sitting and watching the sunset or reading a book. Whatever it is that pampers your soul....do it! When you treat yourself well (mentally & physically), your hair will show your efforts. It might just take a little time. :)

MsPharaohMoan
February 28th, 2015, 01:24 PM
Namaste! I love the celebratory feel of this thread. I'd imagine taking photos along your healthy hair journey could also be greatly motivating as the damage grows out.

gthlvrmx
February 28th, 2015, 01:36 PM
You are so strong! :grouphug: I'm sure your hair will get healthier over time. Just make sure it's nicely moisturized and you should be alright. Eat well, drink lots of water, and keep your hair in a protective updo and your hair should recover. Maybe also get some hair scissors to cut split ends off and damage.

Mimha
February 28th, 2015, 02:39 PM
Dear Soulina,

I can't even imagine what you have gone through !... And I can't especially imagine how you have overcome all these terrible traumatizing experiences and found the energy to come back to life again !... Wow, I really admire you.

You know, hair is a tool for the body to eliminate a lot of unwanted substances (like drugs and heavy metals) by fixing them into the keratin (That's why it's so easy to detect poisonous substances by examining hair). It's possible that your hair keratin has fixed a lot of bad things, even long after you stopped using drugs.

I think your hair will slowly grow healthier and healthier. If you want, you may want to trim the "bad part" (= the one corresponding to your bad life), i.e. chop it off to start afresh, or micro-trim to eliminate it gradually. But nothing is a must. To my opinion you are young and full of life, and your hair just needs time to fully finish the "clean up" job. Don't worry and trust your body. What you have undergone may also have exhausted your body somehow. Have a blood check if you want to make sure you have no deficiency in key elements like iron, B-vitamins, etc. This is important to grow strong healthy hair.

Wishing you all the best in your new life ! :flower:

Soulina
March 1st, 2015, 02:42 AM
Namaste! I love the celebratory feel of this thread. I'd imagine taking photos along your healthy hair journey could also be greatly motivating as the damage grows out.

Thank you, This is what I plan to do, picture once a month. I took for my goal to have long healthy hair when I am 30, and I am 23 now.


Dear Soulina,

I can't even imagine what you have gone through !... And I can't especially imagine how you have overcome all these terrible traumatizing experiences and found the energy to come back to life again !... Wow, I really admire you.

You know, hair is a tool for the body to eliminate a lot of unwanted substances (like drugs and heavy metals) by fixing them into the keratin (That's why it's so easy to detect poisonous substances by examining hair). It's possible that your hair keratin has fixed a lot of bad things, even long after you stopped using drugs.

I think your hair will slowly grow healthier and healthier. If you want, you may want to trim the "bad part" (= the one corresponding to your bad life), i.e. chop it off to start afresh, or micro-trim to eliminate it gradually. But nothing is a must. To my opinion you are young and full of life, and your hair just needs time to fully finish the "clean up" job. Don't worry and trust your body. What you have undergone may also have exhausted your body somehow. Have a blood check if you want to make sure you have no deficiency in key elements like iron, B-vitamins, etc. This is important to grow strong healthy hair.

Wishing you all the best in your new life ! :flower:

Thank you :)
I chose to try micro trimming, keeping my hair in BSL till most of the damage has been out grown. Also I decided not to dye my hair anymore so now I can see where my journey started, okay I have almost inch of virgin hair but close enough.