Help administer advice to a clueless guy, please?

[Parisian Dozen]

I should be doing homework right now, but unfortunately for me hair insecurity is setting in yet again.

I've always had long hair, started growing out in Kindergarten, but I've never felt like it ever looked good enough. No one in my family has ever had long hair, so all the hair advice I got was from the non-existent girls I talked to or Dr. Oz... I still can't braid for crap, and I only just recently learned how to make a bun (it doesn't look that good).

Awhile back (4 years ago) I cut a foot off for charity, and I've never gotten back to that length since then. It's massively disappointing. What I've been left then since then is about 5 inches below the shoulder...

...annnnnd to top it all off my parents pressured (forced) me to get chemical relaxation done... twice...

Anyways, my hair adventure hasn't been the funnest. I'd love to have that fabulous hair all of your gals do, but Christ it feels like the world and my own head is against me. I don't use heat, cones, sulfates, towel drying, you name it... It always ends up in this giant frizz ball (though, not horribly tangled thank god) I just took a shower and felt like I was looking just so much hair. ;_;

I'd love your input on what exactly I should do with my poor head style wise or routine wise. I'm not digging my hemline, so I'm thinking about getting a more aggressive u-shape. I dunno. Help fix my problems ;_;

(pictures incoming)

Routine:

Hop in shower.
Apply devacurl no poo
Rinse that **** out.
Apply devacurl one condition
Leave in for 5 minutes or more
rinse out (it's a great leave in conditioner)
Apply just a bit more conditioner
Leave in.
Wide tooth comb to undo left over tangles.
Air dry.
________
Wide tooth (again).
Maybe do some BBB if I feel like it needs it.

Wash every 3 days...

[pamrlyn]

Hi Parisian

I'm a newby too! be sure to go to the New Here forum page to learn about posting a photo, because, everyone will want to see. It sounds like you are doing some very nice healthy things for your hair!

Are your ends damaged? I don't think there is any way to repair split ends - they will have to be cut off, before they split higher up the hair shaft.

There are great tips here about micro trims & search & destroy method to help keep down your breakage, of that's the trouble.

be sure to oil your ends several hours before your shampoo routine. I'm using coconut oil & my ends love that. Massage on your scalp to keep it healthy. like 5 minutes a day. increased circulation is good for your follicles & help growth from the inside.

I'm pretty poor at braiding too - but watching you tube videos helps to learn the basics. and practice.

There are lots of folks here that know a whole lot more about everything long haired - so you've come to a great place for help!

best of luck to you

Pam

[spidermom]

Chemical straightening is very hard on the hair. You are probably not getting your length back because of that.

Try this.
1) Comb or brush your hair out very thoroughly before washing it.
2) Do not pile your hair while washing it. Leave it hanging down and be very careful not to mess it all around while washing. What I do is run my fingers over my scalp through my hair in the same direction it is falling. Sometimes I wash it while standing upright, other times I bend forward, hair falling toward my feet.
3) Unless your comb is wooden, comb the conditioner through and rinse.

Do not touch your hair again. Let it dry naturally. Try not to be active so you won't get it snarled up. Air drying is a good time to do something like gaming or watching T.V./movies.

Post a picture.

[Parisian Dozen]

Hi Parisian

I'm a newby too! be sure to go to the New Here forum page to learn about posting a photo, because, everyone will want to see. It sounds like you are doing some very nice healthy things for your hair!

Lol, I was gonna edit it in, but unfortunately I don't have permission :'(


Are your ends damaged? I don't think there is any way to repair split ends - they will have to be cut off, before they split higher up the hair shaft.

Well, I only see about 2 or 4 a day so I'm going to guess they're not damaged. But, for some reason I cannot begin to understand I get a w-shaped hemline if I don't trim it. I'd put my money on it being breakage, but I'd like to think I'm gentle with my hair (I'm probably not).



There are great tips here about micro trims & search & destroy method to help keep down your breakage, of that's the trouble.

Microtrims sounds scary, but I will definintly look into the SnD breakage thing.



be sure to oil your ends several hours before your shampoo routine. I'm using coconut oil & my ends love that. Massage on your scalp to keep it healthy. like 5 minutes a day. increased circulation is good for your follicles & help growth from the inside.

That's a thing o.O I've done some massaging with no avail, sadly. I'll give it a swing again.


I'm pretty poor at braiding too - but watching you tube videos helps to learn the basics. and practice.

Braids are too fabulous for me :/


There are lots of folks here that know a whole lot more about everything long haired - so you've come to a great place for help!

best of luck to you
Pam
Where can I buy this "luck"? DO THEY SELL IT AT ULTA?!

[spidermom]

P.S: I don't massage at all, unless you want to count giving it a good combing or brushing before washing it. I also use coconut oil the night before I plan to wash it.

[Parisian Dozen]

WAHBAM

IMGUR ALBUM IS UP!

Have fun looking at this very horrible album... christ I look so smug... one of you guys shoot me...

[Parisian Dozen]

Aaaand I forgot the link.

http://imgur.com/a/RwW5s

[spidermom]

What I see is relatively straight length on curlier, new growth. Why exactly did you have to get it relaxed? You'll always have the best condition and growth rate when you work with your natural texture rather than against it.

[Parisian Dozen]

What I see is relatively straight length on curlier, new growth. Why exactly did you have to get it relaxed? You'll always have the best condition and growth rate when you work with your natural texture rather than against it.
Wasn't totally voluntary. Done pretty much against my will. I was ignorant of the damage it would do at the time it was done. Last time it was done was almost a year ago... it's a start. I really can't explain their thought process - every time I see it in the mirror I want to cry. I hate it. Honestly.

[brickworld13]

Do you like blunt answers or sugar coated ones?

Also go read the damaged hair article. It's very informative.

[Parisian Dozen]

Do you like blunt answers or sugar coated ones?

Also go read the damaged hair article. It's very informative.

I'll take the bluntest answer you got. I came here expecting scathing criticism and bad news.

And do provide me with a link. I lack the skill to find it.

[brickworld13]

And because our article section still hasn't been resurrected, I did the legwork for you.

nightshade's damaged hair article (http://web.archive.org/web/20120125071723/http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=79)

[brickworld13]

Well you can either cut off the damage from the relaxing treatment or baby it along for a while before cutting it off. You can't fix it. You can make it more manageable, but it will still be very fragile and unfortunately prone to the kind of breakage you are already seeing. Fear not, newbie, we are quite accepting and will be glad to help with whatever you choose. Just remember to try one suggestion at a time and have a little patience.

[Parisian Dozen]

Well you can either cut off the damage from the relaxing treatment or baby it along for a while before cutting it off. You can't fix it. You can make it more manageable, but it will still be very fragile and unfortunately prone to the kind of breakage you are already seeing. Fear not, newbie, we are quite accepting and will be glad to help with whatever you choose. Just remember to try one suggestion at a time and have a little patience.
The hair stays. It'd wreck my buddy's world (and mine) if I cut it...

It feels like I'm growing out pixie length hair with a facade of length. ;_; It will be a long and painful journey... I am certain...

[Colochita]

As someone who has grown out chemically relaxed hair, I just want to warn you that it won't be easy. You may have an easier time than I did, however. Just be sure to baby your length and the line of demarcation. Your hair will be especially weak there.

[brickworld13]

That's perfectly acceptable. You just need to figure out what is causing most of the breakage and try to minimize those things.

Some people have found protein to be helpful, but others found it made things worse. It could also be lacking in moisture and there are avenues for that too. The most popular is Snowy's Moisture Treatment (SMT). There is a thread about it somewhere around here.

[spidermom]

O.k., if the last chemical processing was done about a year ago, that means that you have 4-6 inches of relatively undamaged hair, depending on your personal growth rate. The average growth rate is 1/2 inch per month.

Do you have the choice to avoid chemical processing in the future?

[Parisian Dozen]

O.k., if the last chemical processing was done about a year ago, that means that you have 4-6 inches of relatively undamaged hair, depending on your personal growth rate. The average growth rate is 1/2 inch per month.

Do you have the choice to avoid chemical processing in the future?
Starting college soon, so yes. I don't plan on having it done again... ever...

[Yozhik]

Yep, you pretty much need to have patience to grow out the damage, however, I see the potential for really awesome hair! :flower:
What I'd do is try to keep it back and out of the way (out of sight, out of mind) - this will not only help with decreasing chances it has to get more damaged, but also make you refrain from doing anything drastic and constantly hating the way it looks down.
Have you learned how to braid? I'd say keeping it back in an English braid or French braid would keep it back and look nice and sleek. :)

[Majorane]

Hahahaha first off, I think you are hilarious, welcome aboard and have some cheese!
Right-o. Keep on breathing, you'll be fine as long as you - and this is very essential - do not forget to breathe on a regular basis. If you just keep on doing that, eventually it will all turn out okay.
As for your hair, I'm sorry you had to have it relaxed :( How often did it get relaxed? Just the one time last year, or more often?
I myself aren't the best versed in haircare either (Those 1400+ posts I have are mostly because I moo and blap too much in the hang-out parts of the board) BUT the HairGuru's here will give you some great advice, if they haven't done so already. I'd say, try Spidermama's tips on how to wash your hair first, and read Nightshades article, and a lot of people with damaged hair swear by oils. Even I, after a lot of very hopeful but sadly never helping oil experiments, I think I'm seeing an improvement on my ends now with a pre-poo and a coney serum. My ends are very damaged from a rather gung-ho bleach dipdye I did a year or two back :rolleyes:

As for braiding, I suck at anything more complicated than a rope braid or a normal three stranded braid. French braids are reeeally testing my fingerdexterity, and anything more complicated than that is magic. But! There are many other things you can do to get your hair up and protected.
First, get theeselves a cheap spindle of yarn. Make three clusters (...uh, what do you call a couple of strands together? Foreigner here) of yarn, tie them together at the top. Put a cup on top or something else heavy to keep it from slipping and voila, your test piece to practice braiding on. I am trying that now for the four strand braids, I usually end up with terrible knots but hey, it keeps me occupied.

Also, since your hair has a demarcation line where the relaxer is growing out, you might want to be easy on the hairelastics? Elastics compress your hair (duh) and because of that demarcation line being fragile, maybe wearing your hair in a ponytail might not be a good idea, it would rub the already fragile area and cause breakage? I could be wrong about that, though. Anywho, get yourself a chopstick or other long and pointy device, I'd say 5-6 inches would do or longer. Aaaaand off to youtube you go, trying out new buns with a stick. I asume you know of protective updo's? Maybe you'd rather not have the fancy ones with all kinds of butterfly clips and such (although I have absolutely no objections if you like those, more power to you, really) but a lot of the normal buns are pretty low-key in terms of loosk and can be done by males and females. Personally I think ALL hairdo's and clips are unisex, but I know not everyone feels that way.

And sadly it will take you years to grow the damage out! BUT on the upside, you can hang out here and chat and complain about it all you want and before you know it it will be much more healthy and manageable :)

[brickworld13]

Majorane, clusters, groups, or bundles would work for what you are trying to say.

I haven't been on YouTube in a while for reasons, but I did have many hair styling channels saved. Sadly the only thing that is currently coming to mind is TorrinPaige and a Dutchie with dark hair who's name I can't remember to save my life.

[Majorane]

A Dutchie? I need to get subbed to that channel. I also love the German girls that hang out on youtube, some of them make amazing video's.

LaDollyVita also does mean recreations of tv hairstyles, but they aren't always LHC friendly and they involve braiding.

When you say 'I haven't been on YouTube for reasons' it sort of sounds like something happened and you quickly had to leave youtube town.... very badass :draw:

[brickworld13]

The real story is not nearly so cool. I STILL don't have internet at home and everywhere I can get online has YouTube blocked with their filters. It really stinks. I keep getting stuck with hair styles and knitting plus I have a distinct lack of adorable baby animal videos.

Yes! A Dutchie! She's really good at presenting styles and just all around pretty cool. I just can't remember her name. :doh:

ETA: It's Loepsie! She rocks! Another channel that is pretty good is Lilith Moon. Just don't do any of the back combing and skip the hairspray.

[lapushka]

I would keep it up (bun) as much as possible until the relaxer grows out. Baby the rest of your hair as much as possible. Seems your routine is okay enough.

[Islandgrrl]

I agree that Nightshade's damaged hair article is going to be really valuable for you.

Embrace your natural texture. Have you seen Gumball's hair?

Your routine sounds good, lots of moisture in there to help with the chemically relaxed bits. Find a way that you can wear your hair up in a bun or a braid to protect the damaged parts. It doesn't have to be fancy. Practice. It gets easier and more "second nature" with time (says the woman with knee length hair who can do three kinds of buns).

Make sure you are eating a well balanced, nutrient rich diet and getting plenty of water! Your body needs nutrients to grow hair!

Most of all, be patient. It's really not easy to be patient, I know. But your hair is going to grow.

[brickworld13]

Rowie also has some pretty awesome updos. He's got skills for buns. You should look him up too.

[JustPam]

I'd really recommend learning to braid, even just a plain old english braid, keep the sucker oiled up and try and get the elastic as near the end of your hair as possible. Use the little silicone elastics rather than woven ones, less friction and you can just snap them off when you're done rather than pulling them out, because they rarely survive more than one use anyway.

If you're up for trying a bun then I find a disc bun holds the best without an elastic at the base, you'll need a stick or small claw clips to hold that. If you want something "invisible" then spin pins are good, the only bun I can think of that will work with them and your length is a cinnabun (simple twist and wrap around kind)

There's a thread for updos for BSL and shorter hair you could get more ideas from here (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=123749)

Good luck, and have patience, there'll be a lot of trial and error in finding what works for you, took me 6 months to figure out a simple knot bun is my thing and to finally try an SMT!

[Panth]

Welcome!

You've had some really good suggestions so far. Here's a couple more thoughts:

1) As you're growing out relaxer, you may have a lot of common ground with curly girls / black haircare. There's an awful lot of articles, blogs, fora, etc. dedicated to growing out "natural" after relaxer, so a wealth of resources there that you should probably have a read of. Just bear in mind that although the relaxer-damage is likely to be very similar, your natural hair is likely to be a bit different to theirs as your natural texture appears to be somewhat less curly.

2) There's somewhat of a fad for swearing off 'cones, particularly among curlies. Whilst it's true that not all hairtypes (and routines, water type, climates, etc.) do well with 'cones, what they are very, very good for is keeping damaged or damage-prone hair (e.g. curly, fine, super-long, chemical-damaged, etc.) from becoming unmanageable and even more damaged. They provide slip and detangling properties and that's likely to be something you really need right now. You'll need to educate yourself about 'cones (particularly if you're avoiding sulphates) to avoid build-up but there are 'cones that can be used very successfully with a no-sulphate routine.

3) You also want to consider products with other patch-repairing ingredients, e.g. protein, panthenol, coconut oil, etc. These ingredients don't work on everyone's hair and the product, quantity and method of application is important, but they will also help baby that damage.

More general recommendations: take it slow. Do lots of reading, preferably from multiple sources. This place is awesome for info (http://www.thenaturalhavenbloom.com/). Don't be tempted to change everything at once (with the exception of cutting out obviously damaging stuff, e.g. flat irons, dye, bleach, etc.). Instead, follow the two week rule - try one new thing for at least two weeks, assess how well it's working and whether to continue/stop, then try a second thing.

Beyond that, best of luck and do ask if you have any more questions. Oh, and in case you feel lonely, there's a thread for gentlemen (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=110732) that you might want to say hi in.

[Nightshade]

WAHBAM

IMGUR ALBUM IS UP!

Have fun looking at this very horrible album... christ I look so smug... one of you guys shoot me...

WAHBAM XD

I like you already :lol:



And because our article section still hasn't been resurrected, I did the legwork for you.

nightshade's damaged hair article (http://web.archive.org/web/20120125071723/http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=79)

Annnnd brickworld is way ahead of me :) I grew out massive amounts of chemical damage, kind of like you, that's what landed me here. You can do it! Just take your time, handle it gently, and buckle down for the long haul.

[brickworld13]

WAHBAM XD

I like you already :lol:




Annnnd brickworld is way ahead of me :) I grew out massive amounts of chemical damage, kind of like you, that's what landed me here. You can do it! Just take your time, handle it gently, and buckle down for the long haul.

You were snoozing on the job and I was far more quick to the draw than usual. No hard feelings?

[Wildcat Diva]

I agree and that you seem really funny and charming! Glad you are here.

I also see the potential for really nice hair. Make coconut oil your friend and start some updos. Low bun with a spin pin or two possible?

[butter52]

Call me crazy but if I where in the situation where the damaged dead feathers that happen to grow out my head where giving me anxiety and interfering with my studies I would chop it off no question:

It will look healthy and will be manageable
It will grow healthy whenever I decide to grow it back
It wont interfere with my studies.

I mean seriously, something so damned superficial as hair should not interfere with your life and your future.
Obviously is up to you, so good luck anyway.

[Wildcat Diva]

There is a saying here "put it up and forget it."

[Majorane]

There is a saying here "put it up and forget it."

Yeah, I always found it so special that people can actually do that! I rebun several times a day, trying to cut down from that (should I start a Rebunners Anonymously thread?) but how can people 'forget' about their hair? Especially if they are hanging out here? I find that if one just keeps breathing eventually it will show up at the next milestone marker, but I don't have the zen to 'put it up and forget about it'. I'm waaaay to impatient and jumpy for that. Every millimeter that my scalp pushes out, I study and will into being with all my ... well not all my attention, my attention flutters, but you get what I'm saying right?

Patience never was my biggest virtue.