Love Your Curls

[Quasiquixotic]

So my daughter is nearly 5. She has curly hair. Depending on how I care for them for her, I can get her in the 3a to 3b range. But lately I've been using cones on her hair because it works for our lives. She can wear her hair down and detangling doesn't cause tears. Win win. It does make her more of a 2b/2c.

What makes me sad is that she likes this because she tell me all the time she doesn't like her curly hair. That she would rather have straight hair like mine. I tell her that her hair is beautiful. That I would love to have her hair. And she told me we should go to a magical land where we could switch hair with each other and both be happy. No exactly what I meant.

Over thanksgiving last year she cut about 6" off her hair, by herself. Because she wanted it shorter. :(

As an aside, we've started watching YouTube together to see how kanzashi are made. So the commercial before one of the videos was this Dove commercial. And I didn't skip it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ou7CyPtkpng

These little girls say exactly what my daughter has said about her hair. It made me cry. The commercial finished and DD says to me "WOW! That was WONDERFUL!!" I agree sweetie. I agree.

So how do I raise her opinion of curly hair, when she is the only one in our family with curly hair? Do I keep with the cones? They make life better, but they depress her curl.

It makes me so sad that she doesn't love her hair. Like I've failed.

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

[hennalonghair]

Hey a Quasi. Why not just keep doing what you are doing. I think most little girls wish they had a different hair type and society doesn't really help much because there is too much money to be made in our disappointments and insecurities. Luckily things are slowly changing like these Dove commercials.
Let her know that it's perfectly normal to want a different hairtype but show her that she can learn to love herself just the way she is. If she prefers cones in her hair for now why not just go with it? Perhaps let her know that her thoughts aren't wrong. We ALL think the grass is greener on the other side .

Years ago when my niece was a little girl she hated her curls also. She's bi racial but my goodness she not only owns them but rocks her curly style now.

[Quasiquixotic]

Examples of her curls

Self photo ;)

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o246/Quasiquixotic/IMG_1093_zps52130a38.jpg (http://s122.photobucket.com/user/Quasiquixotic/media/IMG_1093_zps52130a38.jpg.html)

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o246/Quasiquixotic/IMG_3858_zps8c2ebde9.jpg (http://s122.photobucket.com/user/Quasiquixotic/media/IMG_3858_zps8c2ebde9.jpg.html)

with cones and after cut

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o246/Quasiquixotic/IMG_1246_zps15cfb995.jpg (http://s122.photobucket.com/user/Quasiquixotic/media/IMG_1246_zps15cfb995.jpg.html)

[hennalonghair]

That's the end result of the haircut she did herself?
Wow! She did an awesome job. I admire her Curiy hair but I really love that wavy look.
I'd personally explain how very very lucky she is that her hair is so versatile that she can have it either way. I've got similar hair where I can wear it super curly OR in waves and I totally love it. When I was younger.... Not so much:shrug:
BUT I didn't have a loving caring mom like you are to your little one here. :thumbsup:
Very very adorable little girl Quasi:D

[lapushka]

Try buying her "special" (you know what I mean) products to make her hair happy. The less tangles and tough detangling, the more she'll come to love her hair. Make taking care of her hair your special time together. She'll come to associate a lot of good with her curls that way.

[Quixii]

I'm sorry she doesn't like her curls. :( I can only hope that that will come with time, especially since you're so wonderful and help encourage her and her hair.

[Quasiquixotic]

thank you all for your kind words :)

That's after I evened it up. She cut both sides to roughly that length, so she had one chunk in the back that was her original length. I cut that and saved it for her, or more like me.

Coincidentally, the cony conditioner for her CO washes we use is Dove.

[Rushli]

i hated my hair simply because I did not know how to make it work. I was dealing with wavy hair that would be part wavy, part straight and mostly fluffy. It was not until I learned to work with it, that I learned to love it. Being 4 she does not know (or care) how to deal with curls. It might be years before her does but when she is ready to start making her own hair decisions (not counting the big chop!), she will have a ton of basic knowledge already in her head. And for whatever she has forgotten or needs to learn, she has you! Sometimes you just have to wait for all he right pieces to come together.

[hennalonghair]

I personally think her thick wavy hair is beautiful. She is only 4. Not even 5 yet. I don't know many small children who love their hair at that age.
She wanted hair more like yours and now she has it. That doesn't mean shes never going to embrace her natural curls. Just not now.
You seem more devastated by the cut than her. lol....understandably so because you have been the one caring for it.
But if "her' happiness is the most important thing then why not embrace the new look she wants.
Its just darling in my opinion.

[sjlaurence]

Hey a Quasi. Why not just keep doing what you are doing...

I have a friend who disliked his curls because he felt them to be untidy and unstylish. I personally love curls and have been telling him his curls are amazing for six years now. Recently his thoughts have completely changed and he loves his curls. I think what made the most difference was:
1. He found a washing method that keeps him and his curls happy.
2. He could see long hair (often curly haired men) portrayed in the media in a good light.

The media has more influence on us than we would like to admit sometimes, we can use this for our benefit. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job supporting your daughter and caring for her, perhaps in addition you could now give her a goal to strive for? Show her what well cared for curly hair looks like. If that doesn't "work" I would personally let her have what she wants within boundaries. In my personal opinion I think that although you can shape a child's thoughts they do still have their own personality, and sometimes that includes preferring shorter hair. :)

[Zebra Fish]

You didn't fail Quasi! It is normal for children to want what they don't have. I wanted curly hair, my curly friend wanted straight. And that can keep you until late teens my guess. Or, you can find her a curly idol, then she'll be happy to look like her idol. A friend of mine, from elementary, she had curls, and her favourite singer had curls (similar curls and similar colour), so she was proud to rock a style similar to her. When I was little, a relative used to tell me that I had potential to be curly (I had one lock in front of my ears that would slightly curl), so if I would cut my hair short, it would grow curly. I was little (maybe 5 years), I believed her and asked my mum to cut my hair (she was surprised as I always wanted it long). I think I even let myself get tricked twice from that relative (something like "look, it is a bit curlier, once more and you're a curly). I don't think she ever meant harm, she was/is a really nice woman/granny now, but probably people from her village were telling such stuff. I think my neighbor (used to be a little curly) even ironed her hair while her parents were at work. So, watch Merida with her, and maybe some other curly cartoons, and just slip it how many of your longhaired friends would love Merida's hair :p

[Upside Down]

From the perspective of a curly...
My mom cut my hair short when I was little because it was easy (I suspect :lol: ). As soon as I requested to let it grow, she let it grow.
Still, she combed it because she didn't know how else to care for hair - I thought I hate my hair until I learned how to curl it properly and since then loved it. I still went through puberty when I shaved my head at one point and changed gazillion hairstyles in short time.
I still like streight hair better on me but I love that I am curly, if this makes sense at at all.

Well, now from the perspective of a mom, I kind of think whatever you do your daughter will have her own idea. :shrug: isn't this a good thing?

If I were you I would keep telling her she is beautiful the way she is, but let her wear waves or short hair... :shrug: she may just want to experiment.
I really believe that these things stick with you. If she knows you think she is beautiful, she will love herself and her hair and will remember all the positive things you told her when she grows up.
I know I do.

[jeanniet]

Try not to worry about it. Let her have it the length she wants for now, and just do what you can to keep it manageable and healthy. Her hair texture may change quite a bit over time, and she could end up with much less curl (or more). Right now it's pretty loose, so a bit of gentle combing will give her waves if she likes those. I would tell her she looks pretty either way, but don't get too hung up on it or she'll know you're anxious about it.

[meteor]

That story and the video made me tear up...
Quasi, you are awesome for taking care of your daughter's beautiful curls so much!
I don't understand the desire to straighten hair, but all kids go through some period of disliking something about their appearance, sadly. I hope she'll love and enjoy her beautiful hair.

You already got some great advice, and I really agree with all other posts. I just wanted to add: how about watching Brave (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brave_%282012_film%29) with your daughter? I mean, who wouldn't want curls after seeing Merida (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merida_%28Disney%29)'s magnificent mane? And she's not only "follicularly gifted", but a strong and modern Disney princess. :)

(My friend's 5-year old really wants her hair to go grey ever since she set eyes on Elsa (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elsa_%28Disney%29) (from Frozen)... What can I say, Disney princesses still have a bit of sway. :lol: )

[DancingQueen]

I think all curlies go through a long period of hating their hair, unfortunately. I am a 2C, although the curls have stretched a bit as it gets longer, and I hated my hair until I was 17. Someone even told me I had witch-hair.

I think, if the cones help her wear her hair down, keep doing it. If she already feels a little bad about them, she is not going to like them any more, if they have to be up anyway, and detangled thoroughly every day. When she is a little older, she can wear it really curly.

[Quasiquixotic]

Thank you all again.

I feel like I should say that for all that I was sad she cut her hair, we mostly just saw it as funny that she did it ON thanksgiving. Right before the big feast. And if she wants short hair that is okay and what we would do. What I don't like is her negative self image about it. Basically I don't mind that she cut her hair, it her reason for cutting her hair that make me sad.

I should also let you all know that we watch that commercial a few more times (I'm glad I'm not the only one who tears up at Dove commercials :rolleyes:) and I got her to say that her curls rock. And she actually voiced her changing of her opinion.

We probably will stick with cones for the long term. Because I really don't know how to care for curly hair on a near 5 year old, who wants to wear it down ALL THE TIME without brushing it. It would be one big rats nest if I didn't. And the cones help.

When she is able to care for her own hair, I'll teach her everything LHC has taught me about curly hair. And she can have her own account here and all that jazz.

hmmm...I wonder if she would be able to find this post in 10 years? Ooh think of how long our hair will be then...

but I digress. I really don't push my opinions on how she keeps her hair, just that it needs to be "nice" looking and clean. Lucky she still loves baths.

I guess I just find it sad that hating your hair is almost a rite of passage for curly haired folk. And specifically sad that my daughter feels/felt that way. I would spare her that insecurity and THAT is what gets me.

I think I was rambling there again. I need to stop making post later at night...

[Upside Down]

I guess I just find it sad that hating your hair is almost a rite of passage for curly haired folk. And specifically sad that my daughter feels/felt that way. I would spare her that insecurity and THAT is what gets me.

For what it's worth, I don't think this applies only to curlies, but to most (all?) hair types.

[Hootenanny]

You are already doing so much more to help her love her curls than many parents do, Quasi! When I was a child my parents would straighten my hair every single time it got washed, using intense heat (blow-drier and the ol' hot comb). That sure as heck didn't make me feel like curly hair was beautiful.

I think all you can do is keep doing what you are now. Tell her her hair is beautiful, show her videos like the one you posted, and keep using those cones if that's what works for you! I'll bet you that someday she will begin to embrace her natural hair.

P.S., you sound like an awesome mom! :)

[3 Cat Night]

I remember hating my curly hair as a child. I desperately wanted straight, smooth hair like all the other girls my age had. It didn't help that my mom's idea of hair care was brushing, brushing and more brushing. I was a frizz-head as a result of her well-intentioned ministrations. My mom still can't believe that I refuse to brush my hair when it's dry, even after I showed her how frizzy my hair gets when I brush it.

If I were you I would help her learn to care for her curly hair in a way that minimizes frizz and tangles. That may mean learning to love the cones. They certainly simplify caring for curls. I personally don't think cones are all that bad. I was in love with them when they first came out. Nothing else had ever reduced my frizz like that before. Then for a while I followed the curly girl method, which doesn't allow cones, but I found that liked the texture of my hair better when I started using cones again.