Looking for advice and a case for having long hair.

[JamesHunter]

Hi, I'm brand new to this board and so glad to have found you. Maybe you can help. I am a man married to a beautiful women that has gone from short to long about three times in our marriage. It it now waist length, and my daughter is trying to get her to cut it shorter. What I would hope to do is to encourage her to keep it long and even go longer ( I would love classic length). What I was wondering is if there is a good resource somewhere that makes a really good argument FOR having long hair.

-I am aware of many of the CONS, but what are PROS in your mind?

-Can any of you lovely ladies tell me why YOU want your long locks?

-How do you think it makes you look?

-What are the rebuttals to "older women can't have long hair"?

-What do you think your hair expresses about you?

-Should some women NOT have long hair?

-What adjectives would you use to describe long hair?

I would love to hear from anyone of you!
Thank you
JH

Thanks
-Should

[DreamSheep]

Hi, I'm brand new to this board and so glad to have found you. Maybe you can help. I am a man married to a beautiful women that has gone from short to long about three times in our marriage. It it now waist length, and my daughter is trying to get her to cut it shorter. What I would hope to do is to encourage her to keep it long and even go longer ( I would love classic length). What I was wondering is if there is a good resource somewhere that makes a really good argument FOR having long hair.

-I am aware of many of the CONS, but what are PROS in your mind?
Here probably most of us will tell you way more PROs than CONs :p For me - portable scarf, versatile for updos, looks elegant up and good down. Lower maintenance (less frequent washing, no constant trims at the hairdressers etc), can stick many pretty hairtoys in it, is different to what most people have etc.

-Can any of you lovely ladies tell me why YOU want your long locks?
I've never had properly long hair before and so far I'm loving the journey. I know I want my hair for me, and I think that is the most important part. My boyfriend and friends like my hair, but I am not growing it for them (and I think they probably don't mind that much how long or short my hair is)

-How do you think it makes you look?

I think it looks good, different. It is also a bit of a comfort blanket, I have a play-thing that is always attached to me. :p I don't know whether it makes me look older or younger, but I'd like to think I look youthful and fun. :)
-What are the rebuttals to "older women can't have long hair"?

I've never really got the "older women can't have long hair". It's a bit of a Western society imposed thing and I don't agree with it. In other cultures women do grow their hair very long regardless of age, so it is probably a western thing, perhaps a way of showing you have money "I can afford all of these hairdresser appointments and short hair upkeep!". Some people think long hair is unkempt, but I'm sure if they saw the tresses here (both up and down), they would soon disagree. Admittedly, I am in my early twenties myself, so I guess I can't speak for myself, but I don't think my age would stop me from wanting to grow my hair long - if you know how to take care of it, it is manageable and beautiful. That said - I also like short hair and do not look down on short haired people!
-What do you think your hair expresses about you?
Being a bit different, trying to achieve a goal I would like. Definitely a way of self-expression. It is also a way of keeping me warm in the slightly chilly UK. :p
-Should some women NOT have long hair?

It's quite a personal thing, I don't think there should be shouldn't. She shouldn't have long hair if she doesn't want long hair. She should probably be cautious and keep her hair well protected if she works in an environment were her hair could get into food, or caught in machinery such as fans. If she has a short terminal length then she wouldn't be able to grow it long, but it isn't a case of she "should" or "shouldn't". So yeah, if she wants to, she should. :)
-What adjectives would you use to describe long hair?
Long. Shiny. Beautiful. Elegant. Thick. Sleek. Curly. Wavy. Gorgeous. Thudworthy. Fairy-like. Princess-like. Elven-like. Different.

I would love to hear from anyone of you!
Thank you
JH

Thanks
-Should

I've answered inside the quote!
However, most importantly I think it is down to what your wife wants. If she does want long hair, but is afraid that she is too old to pull it off, then I can guarantee that would certainly not be a problem. However, if she does not want hair that is that long for her own personal reasons, you will have to respect her decision - after all, hair that long can be like an extra appendage.

[spidermom]

My hair is long because I want it that way. There is no other reason. I've also worn it very short, 1 inch at the longest.

You can let your wife know how much you like her long hair, but in the end she should wear it how she likes it. If she should decide that she isn't enjoying long hair, it will become a huge hassle to her. I love my hair, but sometimes it's a pain with all the tangling and getting in the way of what I'm doing and long shed hairs all over the place clinging to everything and pulling when I put it up, on and on and on.

Too old for long hair? Only when it stops growing! My grandmother had classic length hair when she died in her 80s, and mine is nearly tailbone length at 61. I'm hoping for classic length by the end of this year.

[neko_kawaii]

I went between short and long enjoying both the styles and the journey many times until I got it in my head that the only thing I had never done was find out how long my hair could get. I don't think I would have listened to my spouse (or anyone else) who was trying to exert control over my appearance.

Advantages of long hair: doesn't have to be washed as often as short, super easy to style, no end of things to do with it, another place to wear jewelry (hair toys), gets completely off the neck and out of the face when desired, adds warmth when desired. "No, I can't go out tonight, I have to wash my hair" is a valid excuse. Hair up, if done loosely has the appearance of a pixie at a distance or in photos and then really confuses people when face to face. Actual length is hard to judge when up. Older people should do whatever they please with their hair.

It is her hair, she may not admire hair longer than she has on herself or others.

[Madora]

The pros are:

1) versatility. You can style long hair in so many ways! No chance to be bored! 2) Cost effectiveness: long hair saves a lot of $$$ because you don't need to run to the salon every so often to get your hair styled, permed or whatever.

Can any of you lovely ladies tell me why YOU want your long locks?

I prefer my hair long because short hair (to me) is boring as heck. You can't do anything with short hair unless you perm it or style it via cuts. My long hair is beautiful and I'm never bored with it.

-How do you think it makes you look?

It makes me look different! How many senior citizens do you see wearing a crown braid?!

What are the rebuttals to "older women can't have long hair"?

The only rebuttal I can think of concerns ability to wash it and style it. Arthritis can certainly put a crimp in your ability to handle long hair. Also, I'd say the majority of women today have no idea how to care for long hair and thus are all at sea when contemplating same. Also, they may not want to deal with having to spend time taking care of it properly (and yes, long hair is a whole different mindset than taking care of short hair!) It calls for tons of patience, which many people don't have!

-What do you think your hair expresses about you?

I'm different..probably "old fashioned" (to some). Maybe creative.

Should some women NOT have long hair?

Only if they cannot handle the upkeep. You need patience caring for long hair.

-What adjectives would you use to describe long hair? Silky, shiny, soft, seductive, alluring, enticing, enchanting.

Lastly, it is up to your wife if she truly desires long hair. It's a real commitment and only she can determine if she wants to grow it very long. And believe me, the longer it grows, the more protective you need to be (speaking as a 68 year old senior with knee length hair).

[Seeshami]

Anyone and everyone who knows me well enough would give the same answer about my hair as I would and it's that Seeshami and the naughty mess do what they want.

My Mommy has long hair and I will always help her take care of it for as long as she wants it and some people would consider her old.

My favorite example is when my boss said that hair longer then waist was disgusting and I just smiled and told him his face is disgusting. Now it may seem mean but your face is a general response for me. If some one told me my glasses were purple and I was in a mood I would tell them their face is purple. I also answer to my name being screamed across a room with "never heard of her" but that's because I am difficult and mean.

If you want your hair to be something or anything it's your hair do it. The rest of the world doesn't have to wake up to it and live with it you do, so why not love it?

[Hele]

Hi, I'm brand new to this board and so glad to have found you. Maybe you can help. I am a man married to a beautiful women that has gone from short to long about three times in our marriage. It it now waist length, and my daughter is trying to get her to cut it shorter. What I would hope to do is to encourage her to keep it long and even go longer ( I would love classic length

perhaps your wife should be the one to have the account, seeing as it's her hair? :confused: As much as YOU would love classic length you won't be the one taking care of it, it's her choice to make and your preference shouldn't dictate how long her hair is. Not to set off a debate but your making an account just to post this kind of creeps me out a bit.

[lapushka]

perhaps your wife should be the one to have the account, seeing as it's her hair? :confused: As much as YOU would love classic length you won't be the one taking care of it, it's her choice to make and your preference shouldn't dictate how long her hair is. Not to set off a debate but your making an account just to post this kind of creeps me out a bit.

That goes for me too. :) It's her hair, *her* choice!

[Kherome]

It only matters what she wants.

[Panth]

perhaps your wife should be the one to have the account, seeing as it's her hair? :confused: As much as YOU would love classic length you won't be the one taking care of it, it's her choice to make and your preference shouldn't dictate how long her hair is. Not to set off a debate but your making an account just to post this kind of creeps me out a bit.


That goes for me too. :) It's her hair, *her* choice!


It only matters what she wants.

Agreed, 100%.

[mz_butterfly]

It only matters what she wants.

This is what I was going to say. It's whatever your wife wants.

[Sharysa]

-I am aware of many of the CONS, but what are PROS in your mind?

-Can any of you lovely ladies tell me why YOU want your long locks?

-How do you think it makes you look?

-What are the rebuttals to "older women can't have long hair"?

-What do you think your hair expresses about you?

-Should some women NOT have long hair?

-What adjectives would you use to describe long hair?

1. I want long hair because I want long hair. Plus, it's too thick and wavy to look good short, and I'm REALLY lazy.

2. I look like a princess, a bohemian artist, or a glamorous Old Hollywood actress.

3. They should do what they want, nothing else. If they want to cut their hair short, go for it. If they want to keep their hair long, DEFINITELY go for it.

4. My hair expresses my refusal to conform to shoulder-length heat-styled hair. Also, it's great for an emergency scarf in winter.

5. They should do what they want regardless of how I think they look. Some people can rock pixies, but I'm not going to pressure anyone to keep their hair short because I like it better--I'd be a hypocrite if I turned around and went on about how nobody should force ME to cut MY hair and then did the same thing to someone else. It's their hair, not mine.

6. Traditional, romantic, bohemian, chaotic, irritating, and totally awesome.

[molljo]

Perhaps you should have done some lurking before posting this, because you would have found that the LHC motto is "I'm not here to decorate your world". This means you, unfortunately. It's your wife's business how she wants to wear her hair, not yours. She should be the one with the account asking questions, not you (unless you want to grow your hair long, we have lots of male members with gorgeous long hair). Honestly everything about your post rubs me the wrong way.

[Majorane]

Honestly everything about your post rubs me the wrong way.

Yup, I had the MEEMAAWMEEMAAW of the LHC warning alarm go off too. The questions you asked seem to want to point us in a certain direction. And also we're not overly fond here of people asking how to get others to grow their hair for viewing pleasure. If you'd have been a longtime member here, bon soit, but that's also not the case. Why do you want your wife to have long hair, why is it so important? If I may ask?

[lapushka]

Why do you want your wife to have long hair, why is it so important? If I may ask?

Yes, good question. Do get back to us on that! :)

[CremeTron]

I was going to say that ultimately it is up to her and I see most people say that too.

You can compliment her and tell her how nice she looks and maybe point her towards this site so she can forget her misconceptions about long hair.

Hopefully she will do what she wants and not what your daughter or society or anyone else convinces her to do.

[jasper]

I think it is out of line to try to reason or persuade her into a hair decision. Express your appreciation for her long hair. Make your preference known if you think that is reasonable within the bounds of your relationship.

Look around the forum and see if you find out how members generally feel about other people expressing disappointment, nagging, or otherwise offering unsolicited opinions about our personal hair decisions.

[Katlette]

Though it is entirely the wife's decision whether she grows or cuts her hair, I do understand why you might want to influence (perhaps that's even too strong a word) a loved one's decision. He says she's being pressured by her daughter to cut her hair. We all know how broader societal pressures can also influence our decision to cut our hair when, really, it's not what we want: long hair is difficult and looks unkept if you don't use a zillion products and heat, it's inappropriate past age X, long hair is boring... what have you.

I have a personal story of a similar sort:
My boyfriend wants to have a beard. On a couple of occasions now he's managed to grow it to the size her wants, but, each time he's gone to see his mother, her nagging has led to him shaving it all off. Then he's miserable for a couple of months and though he wants to grow it back, he needs to be reassured that not everyone shares his mothers thoughts. I've given him tips and support (using my hair oils to keep it from drying, bought him a special moisturising wash, saved links to pictures of impressive beards). Supporting someone in their decision (which happens to be aligned with your preference) is different from coercing or pressuring them to make that decision.

I hope what the OP wants is to help dispel myths about long hair that might be preventing his wife from choosing to grow hers long, rather than argue that she should grow it.

As for the questions:
I am aware of many of the CONS, but what are PROS in your mind?

It's versatile, I can get my hair up in seconds if I'm in a hurry and it looks completely presentable, or I can have more elaborate updos, braiding, rag curls if I feel like it. If I'm doing sport I can pull it all back and not get annoying wispy bits in my face.

-Can any of you lovely ladies tell me why YOU want your long locks?/-How do you think it makes you look?

For the above reasons. I think it looks feminine, so even if I'm wearing something more masculine like a collared shirt, my features are immediately softened if I let my hair down. I'm vain and like to have something special about my appearance.

-What are the rebuttals to "older women can't have long hair"?

I just don't see why they couldn't. If updos and detangling become too difficult, a shorter style might be more practical, but there is really no aesthetic reason. I think long grey hair is the most elegant style an older woman can have, and looks great in even a very simple bun. It doesn't look age inappropriate or unprofessional at all, despite what some might suggests. I really do wonder why these prejudices prevail.

-What do you think your hair expresses about you?

This one is quite difficult. Perhaps that I care about my appreance but not about trends. I'm not really trying to send a message with my hair - I just keep it the way I like it.

-Should some women NOT have long hair?

Everyone who wants long hair should have long hair.

-What adjectives would you use to describe long hair?

Beautiful, flowing, spiralling, romantic.

[Mustang Suzy]

JamesHunter - I applaud you for seeking out answers to your questions.

LHCers - We do not know because the original post doesn't specify but it is possible that Mrs. Hunter hasn't made up her mind on the matter. The daughter may persuade her to cut her hair for various reasons. Mrs. Hunter may place a value on the daughter's opinion because she is a female who understands the "trials and tribulations" of styling hair. Mr. Hunter is gathering information for the opposite position of the debate. Ultimately decision belongs to Mrs. Hunter. In the meantime let's not assume that Mr. Hunter is trying to do anything other than gathering information so he can express his feelings on the matter.

Peace, Love, and Cheese (preferably a good smoky gouda)
Suzy

[JustPam]

I'm going to assume you are not trying to sway your wife into doing what you want with her hair, but that you know/sense she does want long hair given that she has grown it long several times but has cut it (reluctantly I presume, due to social pressures?), not enjoyed it and grown it again, and you've stumbled upon this forum and asked these things so you can maybe help her feel less weird/silly/guilty/etc about wanting long hair at her age.

I myself want long hair simply because I like how it looks, it's rare to see without the use of extensions, and because my mum kept my hair long (waist - hip) when I was a child, and I just kind of want to go back to that, it feels like me. I've messed with my hair a lot through my teens and early 20's, and now I just want my "original" hair back.

[JamesHunter]

Hele, Thanks for your input. I'm sorry if my opening an account creeps you out. Please know that my intentions are honorable, and that I am not some kind of cyber stalker. My wife isn't the type to look to the internet for support, so I was hoping I would be able to help and support her if I could find an online support group.

[JamesHunter]

Whoa! I have apparently touched some raw nerves. YES, I completely agree it IS HER hair and her choice. If she came to me today and said she wanted to shave her head, I would be sad, but I wouldn't attempt to stop her. I love her and NOT her hair. But I don't think it is unreasonable to try to learn how to encourage her as her husband. And yes she is PARTLY growing it out for me....is that wrong?

[jasper]

It's not right or wrong. It just depends what works within your relationship. And that depends on how you each interpret each other's actions. One person's encouraging might be another person's nagging. "Being sad" might be interpreted an attempt to stop someone from doing something. :shrug:

[butter52]

mmm....I would be very upset if my man tried to influence my appearance in a direction because of his own selfishness.

Tell her she is beautiful no matter what she decides to do and stop the crap.

[Panth]

Whoa! I have apparently touched some raw nerves. YES, I completely agree it IS HER hair and her choice. If she came to me today and said she wanted to shave her head, I would be sad, but I wouldn't attempt to stop her. I love her and NOT her hair. But I don't think it is unreasonable to try to learn how to encourage her as her husband. And yes she is PARTLY growing it out for me....is that wrong?

Yeah, as everyone has said, the LHC's (unofficial) motto is "I'm not here to decorate your world". Many of us have many people (often family) telling us our hair should be some other way (shorter, dyed, bleached, relaxed, fashionably cut, etc.) so we tend to be rather keen on the concept that one's appearance is one's personal choice and one's personal choice only. We also reasonably regularly get random people who make an account simply to troll with a provocative question/scenario and then vanish. Apologies for the slight dog-piling. Glad that you came back to continue the conversation! :flower:

(Also, IMO, if your wife is partly growing her hair for you, that's cool. Provided you are not pressuring her into changing her appearance towards something she dislikes but you like, hey no problem. It's nice that she has some solidarity against other people, e.g. your daughter, who are trying to pressure her into doing that.)

[jacqueline101]

It's not right or wrong. It just depends what works within your relationship. And that depends on how you each interpret each other's actions. One person's encouraging might be another person's nagging. "Being sad" might be interpreted an attempt to stop someone from doing something. :shrug:

I agree with this. Everyone's relationship is different. If your wife is happy growing her hair for you so be it if not maybe a change is in order. Whatever works for you or her is what matters. As for my answers to your other questions I grew my hair for me. My old man loves it and wants it longer so I might go longer. I think longer suits all age groups and hair types.

[Carolyn]

Why don't you introduce her to the vast wealth of hair information and support available here at LHC? She can create her own account and ask her own questions. I think she will find threads on all of the topics in your original post. There have been a boatload of threads on the topic of age and long hair. FYI, she cannot share your account. She will have to make her own. Account sharing is against the site rules. Your original post creeps me out a bit but you have to understand there have been a lot of creepers here over the years who have posted things very similar to your post. Please show us that your intentions are honorable and have Ms. Hunter get her own account.

[Nadine <3]

I think you should be happy with however your wife wears her hair because it's her to do whatever she wants with.

My boyfriend tried convincing me to grow my hair really long once and the very next day I went and had it chopped to chin length while he was at work. I don't like being told what to do with my hair.

[Laurenji]

As long as you aren't trying to unduly pressure your wife into long hair, I can understand how it would be nice to have counter-arguments to your daughter's assertions that she should cut it short. Here are some of my own thoughts:

- long hair is both more and less convenient for me. It's very, VERY nice for me to be able to put it out of the way and have it hold securely with only a stick or a few hair pins. It's also nice that I don't have to wash it all the time - however, short hair is much easier to wash, so total time invested might end up being the same, depending on how much she has to style her hair.

- I have my hair long because for me it's either "long enough to put up out of my face" or "so short that it never gets in my face", and my husband likes the look of longer hair, so that's the option I'm going with. Also I like the fact that I can take it down and admire it in the mirror when I want to feel pretty. Admittedly, it's basically never down, but it's fun to know it's there.

- Since it's up most of the time it probably makes me look like a librarian or something.

- The only real rebuttal to "older women can't have long hair" is "why not?" I plan on having long, silver hair some day as long as I am still able to take care of it.

- Not sure my hair really expresses anything about me except for the fact that I'm having fun growing my hair out.

- The only women who should not have long hair are those who aren't interested in maintaining it. If it's getting to be too much work, or you really hate how you feel about yourself with it, don't do it. Long hair can be a beautiful investment, but it's only "worth it" if you feel like it's "worth it." I started growing my hair out in 2009, but I've cut it back several times when I couldn't deal with the length, then grown it out again when I learned better ways to take care of it. I probably will not grow my hair out past tailbone length because I just don't see myself enjoying it.

Here is my personal take on all of this: having long hair is not necessarily harder or easier than having shorter hair. Taking care of long, especially ultra-long hair, is very different than taking care of normal length hair, and the process requires time, experimentation, and a willingness to work through difficult patches (like when your hair is too long for all of your old hairstyles but too short for any new ones, or having to learn how to braid differently because your hair is braiding itself at the bottom while you braid the top, or when it starts getting tangled in things it never got tangled in before.) This isn't to say that it's unpleasant work, but unless you're really interested in the outcome or dedicated to the process, it's probably going to be too much of a hassle, and not to be undertaken unless you are interested in it yourself.

So if you want to encourage her, there are definitely pros you can mention, like "It's very easy to put up out of your face!" or "you might not need to wash it as often!" or "There are so many more styles you can do with long hair!" but ultimately the choice is her own.

[swearnsue]

Your wife is an adult and can decide how to grow, cut and style her own hair.

Have you thought about maybe growing your own hair long? There are quite a few men on the forum that have great hair, you could join them?

[patienceneeded]

Wow, lets not assume the man has bad intentions. Way to jump to conclusions based on a single, pretty benign, query. Innocent until proven guilty, right?

Mr. Hunter, don't judge the whole of LHC by a few negative knee-jerk reactions. Unfortunately, in the past, there have been some pretty creepy and downright nasty ******ers who have tried to infiltrate the site. Due to this, there are always a few people who seem to automatically assume the worst.

As to your wife's hair - it's up to her. I would let her know that you love her and support whatever she decides to do with her hair. She should wear her hair however it makes her the happiest, this includes long...regardless of age. Her daughter does not get to direct how she wears her hair, society doesn't get to dictate her hair either. Show her this site, and have her sign up for an account. We have long haired women and men of all ages, she'll find support here for whatever she wants to do with her hair.

Good luck, and sorry again for the poor reception you received from some members.

[EdG]

Ask her to join the board. There is a wealth of information here.

Ever consider growing your own hair? About 5% of LHC members are men.
Ed

[Majorane]

Okayokay, since I was one of the people screaming MEEMAAWMEEMAAW CREEP ALERT I'll explain :) Apparently I was wrong, for which I apologize. Let me explain, so you know here I came from :)



Hi, I'm brand new to this board and so glad to have found you. Maybe you can help. I am a man married to a beautiful women that has gone from short to long about three times in our marriage. It it now waist length, and my daughter is trying to get her to cut it shorter. What I would hope to do is to encourage her to keep it long and even go longer ( I would love classic length). What I was wondering is if there is a good resource somewhere that makes a really good argument FOR having long hair. I read I love my wife's long hair, it excites me, she should keep it long because I find it so gorgeous and sexy! I have hair ******, I want her to conform to my ******, halp me! I'm sorry to say that a lot of folks with a ****** start off like you did in your first post. I was pretty active in the corsetry scene for a while, and there it happens very often that a guy that wants to get his lady into tightlacing starts off like you did. To sound innocent, you know?


-I am aware of many of the CONS, but what are PROS in your mind?

-Can any of you lovely ladies tell me why YOU want your long locks?/-How do you think it makes you look?/-What are the rebuttals to "older women can't have long hair"? /-What do you think your hair expresses about you?/-Should some women NOT have long hair?/What adjectives would you use to describe long hair?/I would love to hear from anyone of you!
Thank you
JH

Like I said, I've dealt with my fair share of guys that had a corset ******. And many start off with questions like yours. Because they hope it will get me to start talking about how it wll make me feel, and they think I'm going to say things like sexy, feminine, loose, submissive, blah. Which is what their feelings are about corsets. Or hair. So: you were asking pretty specific questions and it gave me the idea you wanted us to start talking about Teh Sexy of hair. And we are opposed to that :) There is nothing wrong with having a strong sexual attraction towards pretty hair, of course. What IS annoying, is luring us into talking a certain way to gratify ones sexual urges, while we don't want to be involved in that. And sadly, that happens very often here :( We are happily chatting about hair and then someone butts in and confronts us with their left-hand typed replies and dirtytalk, and we are like 'hey, keep your sexuals to yourself because we don't want to get that sprung onto us man!"

I hope I explained that right. Apparently you just happened to choose the same wording some of the creeps do (kinda makes sense, creeps trying to blend in) and we are super sensitive about it.

Oh, and in case any ******ist reads this and thinks WTF: no judgement, but some things are better left unsaid, eh?

Anyway, if you are of good intentions, then a belated welcome, and may you and your wife discover many fun updo's and hairtoys. Be warned though, if she comes over here and discovers the wonders of hairsticks and Etsy, you might experience an increase in hair related expenses..... why not get her a nice hairstick as a present, though? I'd be thrilled if I got one from my Italian.

[Hrtchoco]

It obviously depends on the person, but for me, I'm happy to grow my hair out for my husband. He never ask me to wear high heels or put on heavy make up(things I hate doing). I think it all depends on how strongly you feel about certain things. If my husband wants me to bleach my hair or get a perm, I will tell him not in a million years.

I think you should just tell your wife she looks really pretty with long hair. If she feels really uncomfortable, she obviously should cut it, but if she feels comfortable, don't let your daughter change her mind.

[Mimha]

Hello Mr Long-Hair-Lover.

Just to tell you that as a woman, I'm always very happy to hear from my beloved one that he loves my long hair. (Because I love my long hair too^^). I can totally understand that it is important for him because that's something he likes in me, as well as I can like something else in him. So I can fully understand that he would be upset to see me cut it (this is flattering, after all !). I don't see anything creepy in the fact that a man loves her partner's long hair (maybe more than she does) - even if there are some more or less sexual reasons about it - and would feel sad/upset/frustrated if she happens to cut it. Why a man should not be allowed to express his sincere feelings about it ?? I know that expressing feelings about one's partner body part is always difficult because it can sound as judgemental or pushy. But, hey ! Cool down girls, loving one's partner's long/short/styled/(...) hair is not necessarily judgemental or manipulative. It is most of the time just a sincere expression of his true feelings. Yes, he will certainly still love us with different hair, but yes, he will be sad and upset if we change it. Period. If we add to this all the people that count in our surroundings (children, family, friends, colleagues...) we are going to get crazy because no one will agree on what we should do. So, as everybody says here, we should do what WE feel like it, without feeling pushed. (And hey, hair grows again too ! :) ). Personally, taking into account my partner's feelings about how he feels about me is important (to find a good compromise, for example). There are things that matter to me too, about him (that he cuts his nails neatly, for example^^).

But well, I am an European middle aged woman^^... this explains that, maybe ! :)

[hennalonghair]

perhaps your wife should be the one to have the account, seeing as it's her hair? :confused: As much as YOU would love classic length you won't be the one taking care of it, it's her choice to make and your preference shouldn't dictate how long her hair is. Not to set off a debate but your making an account just to post this kind of creeps me out a bit.


That goes for me too. :) It's her hair, *her* choice!


It only matters what she wants.


Agreed, 100%.


This is what I was going to say. It's whatever your wife wants.


Perhaps you should have done some lurking before posting this, because you would have found that the LHC motto is "I'm not here to decorate your world". This means you, unfortunately. It's your wife's business how she wants to wear her hair, not yours. She should be the one with the account asking questions, not you (unless you want to grow your hair long, we have lots of male members with gorgeous long hair). Honestly everything about your post rubs me the wrong way.


Yup, I had the MEEMAAWMEEMAAW of the LHC warning alarm go off too. The questions you asked seem to want to point us in a certain direction. And also we're not overly fond here of people asking how to get others to grow their hair for viewing pleasure. If you'd have been a longtime member here, bon soit, but that's also not the case. Why do you want your wife to have long hair, why is it so important? If I may ask?


Yes, good question. Do get back to us on that! :)


I was going to say that ultimately it is up to her and I see most people say that too.

You can compliment her and tell her how nice she looks and maybe point her towards this site so she can forget her misconceptions about long hair.

Hopefully she will do what she wants and not what your daughter or society or anyone else convinces her to do.


I'm going to assume you are not trying to sway your wife into doing what you want with her hair, but that you know/sense she does want long hair


mmm....I would be very upset if my man tried to influence my appearance in a direction because of his own selfishness.

Tell her she is beautiful no matter what she decides to do and stop the crap.


Yeah, as everyone has said, the LHC's (unofficial) motto is "I'm not here to decorate your world". Many of us have many people (often family) telling us our hair should be some other way (shorter, dyed, bleached, relaxed, fashionably cut, etc.) so we tend to be rather keen on the concept that one's appearance is one's personal choice and one's personal choice only. We also reasonably regularly get random people who make an account simply to troll with a provocative question/scenario and then vanish. Apologies for the slight dog-piling. Glad that you came back to continue the conversation! :flower:

(Also, IMO, if your wife is partly growing her hair for you, that's cool. Provided you are not pressuring her into changing her appearance towards something she dislikes but you like, hey no problem.


I think you should be happy with however your wife wears her hair because it's her to do whatever she wants with.

My boyfriend tried convincing me to grow my hair really long once and the very next day I went and had it chopped to chin length while he was at work. I don't like being told what to do with my hair.


Your wife is an adult and can decide how to grow, cut and style her own hair.

Have you thought about maybe growing your own hair long? There are quite a few men on the forum that have great hair, you could join them?
I will echo what almost EVERYONE on this thread is stating. Its up to HER!!!!


Okayokay, since I was one of the people screaming MEEMAAWMEEMAAW CREEP ALERT I'll explain :) Apparently I was wrong, for which I apologize. Let me explain, so you know here I came from :)


I read I love my wife's long hair, it excites me, she should keep it long because I find it so gorgeous and sexy! I have hair ******, I want her to conform to my ******, halp me! I'm sorry to say that a lot of folks with a ****** start off like you did in your first post. I was pretty active in the corsetry scene for a while, and there it happens very often that a guy that wants to get his lady into tightlacing starts off like you did. To sound innocent, you know?
Like I said, I've dealt with my fair share of guys that had a corset ******. And many start off with questions like yours. Because they hope it will get me to start talking about how it wll make me feel, and they think I'm going to say things like sexy, feminine, loose, submissive, blah. Which is what their feelings are about corsets. Or hair. So: you were asking pretty specific questions and it gave me the idea you wanted us to start talking about Teh Sexy of hair. And we are opposed to that :) There is nothing wrong with having a strong sexual attraction towards pretty hair, of course. What IS annoying, is luring us into talking a certain way to gratify ones sexual urges, while we don't want to be involved in that. And sadly, that happens very often here :( We are happily chatting about hair and then someone butts in and confronts us with their left-hand typed replies and dirtytalk, and we are like 'hey, keep your sexuals to yourself because we don't want to get that sprung onto us man!"

I hope I explained that right. Apparently you just happened to choose the same wording some of the creeps do (kinda makes sense, creeps trying to blend in) and we are super sensitive about it.

Oh, and in case any ******ist reads this and thinks WTF: no judgement, but some things are better left unsaid, eh?

Anyway, if you are of good intentions, then a belated welcome, and may you and your wife discover many fun updo's and hairtoys. Be warned though, if she comes over here and discovers the wonders of hairsticks and Etsy, you might experience an increase in hair related expenses..... why not get her a nice hairstick as a present, though? I'd be thrilled if I got one from my Italian.
HAHAHAHA!!!!! :ROFL: and THIS by far is my favourite post of all.
Way to clear that up Marjorane. :lol: :thumbsup:

[Red'N'Curly]

I would hate being told however to wear my hair. But I don't mind wearing it in ways my husband finds attractive, like twin braids. I agree with the previous posters who said just tell her often however pretty her long hair is and make her feel like a goddess, but leave the decision up to her.

By the way, your list of personal questions rubbed me the wrong way. I'll assume it wasn't your intention, but it came across like a Craigslist creep. I was waiting for the "Would anyone send me a used hair elastic to smell?" :blueeek::blueeek:

[MiamiPineapple]

I don't think there is anything wrong with your questions. You wife will ultimately do what she wants however, you can certainly tell her how beautiful her long hair looks. A compliment is worth it's weight in gold. My boyfriend prefers long hair. I keep it long for myself but he is another reason I would never cut it short. He doesn't tell me what to do, he just likes long hair and that's fine by me. I don't see anything wrong with doing certain things if it makes another happy in a relationship, even when it comes to how you look. Sometimes he grows facial hair, I tell him I don't prefer it so eventually he shaves it off. All I think you have to do is tell her how beautiful her hair is.

[Syaoransbear]

The wife should do what she wants to do with her hair and tell her husband and her daughter to stay out of it. Personally if I was her husband, I would reassure her that her current hair is beautiful because she is probably feeling insecure from her daughter telling her that her current appearance is in some way unacceptable and needs to be changed.

[nicolezoie]

My husband has absolutely no control over what I do with my hair. He has repeatedly told me that my hair is long enough, and that it's ok to cut it shorter if I wanted to and that I've done all the things I've wanted to with my hair, including it being the star of a very famous Disney movie. But he also knows that it is MY hair, my choice to keep my hair in whatever way I choose, and the only time he ever has any say is if it is a little too oily or dirty smelling, and to that I will acquiesce.

pros of my choices:
I don't have to mess with it much. If it's up, and it manages to stay tidy, the most I have to do is use a boar bristle brush to smooth back frizzies. OR, I can let the frizz fly (like I did today) and look like I stuck my finger in a socket.

cons of my choices:
I have headaches, neck aches, and a sore back when I wake up in the morning often. I can't sleep with it loose because I have a little dog that loves to snuggle, and I end up tossing and turning alot. If I keep it loose and hung over the side of the bed, it will often end up in a pile under my back by morning. Even at floor length.

"Why"
I want my hair long because I want it long. Period. If I wanted it shorter, I'd cut it. It continues to grow, and so therefore it does. Even when it was shorter it grew too fast to keep it in any 'style' or shape too long, so I let it do what it wants, and it's much happier that way.

"How it makes me look..."
Hair back in a bun makes me look like Olive Oyl. In a more clever updo, I get compliments on the weird twists and shapes it makes on its own after it settles. In my biking sleeves, it looks like a rainbow colored rose on the back of my head when it is bunned, and when it is down, like a scarf around my neck. A braided bun makes me look Greek, which I am, or like I have a pineapple perched on top of my head. Loose makes me look uncomfortable because I have to keep track of every single strand otherwise it will get caught in anything and everything. And, it tangles very easily.

"...cut it when..."
Older women are older because they survived that long. Their hair has nothing to do with it most of the time. Older women wear their hair in whatever way makes them most comfortable. This nonsense about 'after 30' or 'after children' or 'after whatever boundary society thinks it can set to limit our beauty' is just nonsense.

"What's it say about me"
My hair shows that at least one thing about me is still non-confirmist. It is starting to noticeably go gray now, (although the gray still has many places to hide) and I'm determined to see what kind of pattern the gray eventually develops. I'm OK with my hair; I'm OK with my self image, although they aren't one in the same.

"Some women should not...."
"Some women" is a slippery slope. I won't answer to this one because it is just pointless. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but that doesn't mean that we have to agree with eachother. I choose to see the beauty in things, not the flaws, and one's perceived 'flaw' is anothers' perfection.

Adjectives:
I personally call my own hair ridiculously long. It's not because I am ridiculing it, it is because it is really really LONG. I also call this length ludicrous length, because I never thought it could get this long, and it wants to keep growing longer. When it was shorter it was bushy, so back then I called it the bush (and yes I know the other connotations of this, and cringe to this day about it). It is wavy, curly even when it chooses to be so, and yes I like it.

[truepeacenik]

I got that the daughter is launching one campaign and husband wants to plead his case.
I hope mrs Hunter tells them both to stuff it.

But, James says she isn't the online support type, so all we can offer is postcards from the hairy edge.
I have a rare hair color. Natural, unenhanced red.
I'm also beyond 40, so society like to think it can set rules for my hair.
I laugh at society.

Now, I was married to a man who really, really didn't like dreadlocks. When I grew a cluster, he tried to be sweet about it, but the horror shone in his bulgy eyes.
He kept his mouth shut on the topic, and eventually, I had to decide between dreads and parallel hair.
I combed them out, and he was so happy.
Partnership has some compromise, but it should be open, aboveboard and honest.

[Majorane]

My husband has absolutely no control over what I do with my hair. He has repeatedly told me that my hair is long enough, and that it's ok to cut it shorter if I wanted to and that I've done all the things I've wanted to with my hair, including it being the star of a very famous Disney movie. But he also knows that it is MY hair, my choice to keep my hair in whatever way I choose, and the only time he ever has any say is if it is a little too oily or dirty smelling, and to that I will acquiesce.

pros of my choices:
I don't have to mess with it much. If it's up, and it manages to stay tidy, the most I have to do is use a boar bristle brush to smooth back frizzies. OR, I can let the frizz fly (like I did today) and look like I stuck my finger in a socket.

cons of my choices:
I have headaches, neck aches, and a sore back when I wake up in the morning often. I can't sleep with it loose because I have a little dog that loves to snuggle, and I end up tossing and turning alot. If I keep it loose and hung over the side of the bed, it will often end up in a pile under my back by morning. Even at floor length.

"Why"
I want my hair long because I want it long. Period. If I wanted it shorter, I'd cut it. It continues to grow, and so therefore it does. Even when it was shorter it grew too fast to keep it in any 'style' or shape too long, so I let it do what it wants, and it's much happier that way.

"How it makes me look..."
Hair back in a bun makes me look like Olive Oyl. In a more clever updo, I get compliments on the weird twists and shapes it makes on its own after it settles. In my biking sleeves, it looks like a rainbow colored rose on the back of my head when it is bunned, and when it is down, like a scarf around my neck. A braided bun makes me look Greek, which I am, or like I have a pineapple perched on top of my head. Loose makes me look uncomfortable because I have to keep track of every single strand otherwise it will get caught in anything and everything. And, it tangles very easily.

"...cut it when..."
Older women are older because they survived that long. Their hair has nothing to do with it most of the time. Older women wear their hair in whatever way makes them most comfortable. This nonsense about 'after 30' or 'after children' or 'after whatever boundary society thinks it can set to limit our beauty' is just nonsense.

"What's it say about me"
My hair shows that at least one thing about me is still non-confirmist. It is starting to noticeably go gray now, (although the gray still has many places to hide) and I'm determined to see what kind of pattern the gray eventually develops. I'm OK with my hair; I'm OK with my self image, although they aren't one in the same.

"Some women should not...."
"Some women" is a slippery slope. I won't answer to this one because it is just pointless. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but that doesn't mean that we have to agree with eachother. I choose to see the beauty in things, not the flaws, and one's perceived 'flaw' is anothers' perfection.

Adjectives:
I personally call my own hair ridiculously long. It's not because I am ridiculing it, it is because it is really really LONG. I also call this length ludicrous length, because I never thought it could get this long, and it wants to keep growing longer. When it was shorter it was bushy, so back then I called it the bush (and yes I know the other connotations of this, and cringe to this day about it). It is wavy, curly even when it chooses to be so, and yes I like it.

:bigeyes: You have actual floor lenght hair.... so amazing, you are like a pink unicorn, made of awesome.... I look up to you with big, liquidy eyes in awe and respect to your determination and braid skills. :bigeyes:

[JamesHunter]

So, after apparently getting off to a really bad start and realizing my inquiry was received with much suspicion, I made several failed attempts to figure out how to close my account here, I gave up and just vowed not to darken your community group door again. But, curiousity got the best of me and I decided to see what other replies there may have been before giving up completely. I'm glad I did now; many of you have given me the benefit of the doubt, and have gone so far as to reach out to me, for which I am very grateful. Thank you. And thanks to so many of you for taking the time to indulge my questions anyway.

I have read and re-read all the comments, and I have to admit you have given me pause, and a lot to consider regarding my own motives, and appropriateness or INappropriateness of my desire to encourage my wife to grow her hair. In hindsight I can see how you certainly could have seen my queries as dubious, especially since you have experienced them before. Please rest assured, I do NOT want to engage in any discussions regarding anyone else or their hair at any time.

After much reflection, what I have concluded thus far is that my desire IS very selfish indeed; and I'm ashamed to admit that Majorane wasn't far off when she explained how she was interpreting my inquiry. Yes, I do "find her long hair gorgeous and sexy", and yes it does "excite me", and yes while I don't think I have gone off the deep end into the ****** world, I realize I probably do have an unbalanced desire. But in looking again at my own questions to you, I have come up with a few other adjectives that supercede the "sexy" aspect to which many of you have assigned to me. For example, I think her long hair is classic, elegant, timeless, unique, natural, feminine, romantic, and of course, beautiful and it compliments her personality. The impressions that a women with long hair give me is that she is graceful, independent, not trendy, original, self-assured, creative, disciplined, healthy, artistic, sophisticated, persistent, strong, flourishing, and free-spirited. These are also just a few of the aspects that my wife comprises. So those of you worried that I am trying to manipulate or pressure my wife couldn't be more wrong. She is also strong-willed; which makes her willingness to grow her hair for me so meaningful. Although, I know she is somewhat doing it for her self. In our relationship we like to give to each other to make them happy, just as I always get the haircut she likes on me, and have grown a beard at her request (and yes, I realize her long hair is much more of a gift to me given it's maintainence and care).

Having said that, I do believe I see now that my questions to you were based out of a very selfish fear that she my be wanting to do the big cut. I know I need to be okay with that, and I HAVE TO respect any decision she makes regarding her appearence. I suppose was just hoping for some kind of magic words that would CONVINCE (not force) her to keep her hair long. Oh well...

I will check back in a few days, and if the concensus is that I'm a selfish disturbed lunatic, then I will leave and never return to this site. Thank you for your consideration.

[EdG]

James - I'm sorry for the poor reception. Your question seemed sincere to me, but new members who join this board asking about long hair on others are viewed with a great deal of suspicion, especially if they are men. There is a good reason for that - the Internet is filled with sites for people who "admire" long hair on others. LHC isn't like that.

All members here either have long hair or are growing long hair. This includes both women and men. You probably won't get much out of LHC unless you are growing your own hair.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best! :)
Ed

[lapushka]

All members here either have long hair or are growing long hair. This includes both women and men. You probably won't get much out of LHC unless you are growing your own hair.

Yes that was what I was thinking, EdG. James, why not grow your own if you like the thought and concept of long hair so much. It doesn't have to be your wife that grows it. If you admire it on her, then why not become a little selfish and grow your own?

[Laurenji]

I'm glad you came back and read the comments!

For what it's worth, I don't think that you need to be so final as to "never say anything to your wife about her hair again!". There are plenty of things about my appearance which I am neutral about or mildly dislike doing, but I do them anyways because my husband has told me that he finds them attractive. He does the same for me - he grows a beard every winter because I absolutely love the way he looks with a beard, even though I know he finds it kind of annoying. So, I think there's room in there for you to "encourage" her a little AS LONG AS you recognize that you need to keep the encouragement low-pressure, and are willing to be fine and not pout or make a big deal out of it if she does decide to cut it. You can make her aware of your preference, but let her know that you are totally fine with whatever she decides to do. And then, be fine with whatever she decides to do.

[DreamSheep]

I'm also happy to read that you came back for all of the comments. I think I was in the "give benefit of the doubt" band, but I can see where all members are coming from.

However, I did want to add that I do know of at least one active member who is not growing his hair long and I believe originally joined to learn how to style his wife's hair. So you know, you could stick around if you wanted to regardless of how you desire to keep your hair - and if your wife decides she would like to grow her hair longer or try new ways of taking care of it, she is always welcome to make an account and the join the fun herself. :)

But of course, what everyone does is what they want to do

:flower:

[molljo]

JamesHunter, thanks for coming back and reading the responses, and it's clear that you did a lot of uncomfortable introspection. I want to elaborate on my earlier post and go into why so many of us bristled at your post (aside from Majorane's stellar breakdown of creepers)

You have to understand that you and your daughter are doing the exact same thing, which is trying to convince Mrs. Hunter to look the way you each want her to look. There have been countless posts from members where someone close to them did what your daughter is doing (which is really really not cool): Conform to trends! You're too old! You would look better if you spent lots of money looking like everyone else in your demographic! This kind of behavior is undermining, hurtful, and not to be tolerated. It makes sense that you'd come here to do research, gather intel as it were, to launch a counter attack because a significant part of your healthy attraction to your wife is at stake. Your wife's hair is not a battleground. Both of you are essentially screaming "MY OPINIONS ARE MORE VALID. LOOK AT ALL MY REASONS" at poor Mrs. Hunter. Do you see how that can be unhelpful?

I think you should talk to your daughter, alone, and call a ceasefire. Neither of you are allowed to make suggestions about Mrs. Hunter's hair, and you both have to be supportive of whatever she decides.

[Majorane]

So, after apparently getting off to a really bad start and realizing my inquiry was received with much suspicion, I made several failed attempts to figure out how to close my account here, I gave up and just vowed not to darken your community group door again. But, curiousity got the best of me and I decided to see what other replies there may have been before giving up completely. I'm glad I did now; many of you have given me the benefit of the doubt, and have gone so far as to reach out to me, for which I am very grateful. Thank you. And thanks to so many of you for taking the time to indulge my questions anyway.

I have read and re-read all the comments, and I have to admit you have given me pause, and a lot to consider regarding my own motives, and appropriateness or INappropriateness of my desire to encourage my wife to grow her hair. In hindsight I can see how you certainly could have seen my queries as dubious, especially since you have experienced them before. Please rest assured, I do NOT want to engage in any discussions regarding anyone else or their hair at any time.

After much reflection, what I have concluded thus far is that my desire IS very selfish indeed; and I'm ashamed to admit that Majorane wasn't far off when she explained how she was interpreting my inquiry. Yes, I do "find her long hair gorgeous and sexy", and yes it does "excite me", and yes while I don't think I have gone off the deep end into the ****** world, I realize I probably do have an unbalanced desire. But in looking again at my own questions to you, I have come up with a few other adjectives that supercede the "sexy" aspect to which many of you have assigned to me. For example, I think her long hair is classic, elegant, timeless, unique, natural, feminine, romantic, and of course, beautiful and it compliments her personality. The impressions that a women with long hair give me is that she is graceful, independent, not trendy, original, self-assured, creative, disciplined, healthy, artistic, sophisticated, persistent, strong, flourishing, and free-spirited. These are also just a few of the aspects that my wife comprises. So those of you worried that I am trying to manipulate or pressure my wife couldn't be more wrong. She is also strong-willed; which makes her willingness to grow her hair for me so meaningful. Although, I know she is somewhat doing it for her self. In our relationship we like to give to each other to make them happy, just as I always get the haircut she likes on me, and have grown a beard at her request (and yes, I realize her long hair is much more of a gift to me given it's maintainence and care).

Having said that, I do believe I see now that my questions to you were based out of a very selfish fear that she my be wanting to do the big cut. I know I need to be okay with that, and I HAVE TO respect any decision she makes regarding her appearence. I suppose was just hoping for some kind of magic words that would CONVINCE (not force) her to keep her hair long. Oh well...

I will check back in a few days, and if the concensus is that I'm a selfish disturbed lunatic, then I will leave and never return to this site. Thank you for your consideration.

Well, you are a very good sport about it! Obviously I was wrong about most of you, in my first post, and I am glad I was. :flower: You seem much more fun this way, than the creeper I wrongy assumed you were :p Look, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to your wifes hair. I am sure that at least some members here have that, too. This is not the place to talk about it, obviously, but that doesn't mean it's bad. I am glad that you got what I was trying to say, and also that I didn't scare you off. By the sound of it, I think maybe you should tell your wife what you said in the post I quoted. Talk about her hair, what it means to you (in regards to her) and listen to her. I think you'll do that, because you also listened to us. That's not a guarantee that she will grow it long for you and her, but you will be able to make it clear to her what you feel about her hair, what it represents of her character to you. It would be a big compliment, and at least then, if she still decides she wants to chop it off she knows beforehand what you think about it. Instead of her doing it and then hearing from you afterwards that you regretted it. I think that's the magic words that you might have been looking for, because it's the strongest point I think you can make to convince not force ( :p) her to keep it growing long.

I hope you hang around, you are cool, man. Peace!

[CousinItt]

Your last post made it very clear that you are a thoughtful person, and would like to provide support for your wife.

FWIW, I probably would have cut my hair long ago, had it not been for the support of my husband. I'd only ever had short hair, and he had had long hair. During that awkward phase (shoulder to BSL), I kept talking about cutting it, and he reminded me that this was just a phase in the growing process, and I might want to think about waiting it out. It was my goal to grow long in the first place, and he just helped me stay the course. He's helped me find gentle hair ties. He reminds me that my hair can't be perfect every day. He's just been there when I questioned my decision, and I'm grateful for it.

Stay a member. Learn things that can help her on her journey if she chooses to grow it long. It's nice to have that kind of support.

[HintOfMint]

Aw! I'm really glad you stayed for the comments and really did some soul-searching in response.

You sound alright, stick around.

[ARG]

James, I'm one of those rare women who happily started growing her hair long at the request of my husband. Like you, he finds it elegant and appealing. I joined LHC to find out how to keep it healthy, because while my opinions of long hair at that time was wholly apathetic, I knew I abhorred unhealthy long hair. As my hair grew out of APL and inched my way to BSL my love for my hair grew. My original length goal is now longer than what my husband would consider long, and I'm doing it for myself, not for him, he just gets to enjoy the benefits of it.

If I were to decide to cut my hair, my husband would be sad, but he'd love me just the same, and he wouldn't be any less attracted to me. For him its like my putting on a favorite outfit, the hair just doesn't come off at the end of the day.

I highly recommend you encourage her to love her hair. Many members have grown their hair out to great lengths only to cut it to a shorter more "them" length. Encourage her to find the length that suits her. I would also recommend getting her a hair accessory, LHC has a sub forum that is dedicated to many makers.

Your wife doesn't have to have long hair to be a member of LHC, we're just lovers of hair, in general.