Feeling kind of bad :(

[HeatherMae]

I posted my 1 year anniversary pictures the other day. And I mentioned in there how I was kind of bummed that the length wasn't all that obvious in pictures. My hair has some kinkiness so before I took the picture, to get the best length results, I combed it out in the back, which as you all know, makes "poof". Anyway, my hair growing adventures have been a very big deal to me. So I also sent the before and after pictures to my dear friend in an email. I was VERY hurt when she wrote me back and flat out said that she DID NOT like my hair at all and that she thought it was too puffy. She is a short hair. She hates to have her hair grow past her ears. But, even so, I really can't imagine ever saying that to someone. :( As one who will go to great lengths to not offend someone, I have decided that I will simply ignore the nasty comment. I did think about taking a picture of my hair with its cute little kinks and send that to her and explain the poof in the first picture, but if she would still say something about that, I would REALLY be crushed. My hair is very very thick. She knows this. I don't know, I just needed to vent some. And you all can relate to me very well on this sensitive subject.

Thanks in advance for the shoulders to cry on.

[Calista]

I don´t think it´s rude of your friend to state her honest opinion. There´s a difference between saying "your hair is ugly" and "I don´t like your hair at all". In my opinion friends should be able to be honest with each other.

For what it´s worth, I think your hair in your signature is beautiful.

[NeilTheFuzz]

I have always thought that this is why email isn't always great. I'm sure that your friend didn't mean to hurt, but she was rather stating an opinion. If she is one of your best friends I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mean to hurt you.

Take care

[Lamb]

I agree with Calista - this was not an insult, just your friend's opinion, although she did present it in a very blunt way.
Your hair in your signature is beautiful. :flowers:
I wouldn't send such pictures to friends whose taste in hair length are so different from my own. I mean, why expect encouragement from someone who, predictably, does not like long hair? :twocents:

[Chrissy]

It will be OK. :) As long as you love your hair that's all that matters. It is very pretty I think. I am one who ruminates on things. It's not a good thing! :) I agree with the others, I'm sure she didn't mean to be mean. Also there's always the standby LHC phrase: I'M NOT HERE TO DECORATE YOUR WORLD!! Tee hee. Fa get about it!!!!!!!!!!!! Go one with your day and keep loving your hair.

[HeatherMae]

Thank you for the quick responses. You are all so very right. She is entitled to her opinion and I guess as my friend, she thought maybe she was being helpful?

Thank you for the kind words also. I really needed the uplift. ((((Hugs))))

[Arctic_Mama]

Your hair reminds me of mine - a big, thick, beautiful delta! She was seriously rude and I'd be hurt too, especially if it was a friend who I'd hope would use some TACT even in her disagreement about its appearance. Your hair is lovely and the longer it gets the more stunning it will be. Big, thick hair is VERY VERY awkward at shoulder-ish length and pretty much anything above BSL, it just has so much power and body behind it that it takes some length to really tame itself and 'fit'. The length needs to be proportional to the body of it when it's got some poof to it, but that does NOT mean shorter lengths don't look healthy and beautiful too. Hair is a journey, and no journey is without some less than desirable spots.

As for your hair, the progression from chin is AMAZING, your growth is phenomenal and your hair looks healthy, lustrous, and richly thick! Being an owner of a GIGANTIC ponytail, myself, I can say I find nothing more luxurious than a full head of soft, lively hair. Just give it time, if she's never wowed by your hair she's blind and I'd just ignore her opinion on the subject.

/rant. You're lovely.

[SHELIAANN1969]

I saw your post the other day and thought there was a lot of proress, I think your hair is nice, it's growing along wonderfully.

Sometimes friends can be TOO honest, like you said, she doesn't like longer hair, so to HER, your hair isn't all that great, but to people whose goal IS long hair, we think it's great, at least I do!!

(((hugs)))

[ClareDee]

Keep in mind that her opinion is just that -- one opinion.

I know, it stings when a friend doesn't support something that is so important to you. It's possible she doesn't realise how much your hair means to you. Certainly I'd say she had no idea her opinion would affect you (and I'm sure she didn't intend it to affect you).

Some people find it easy to shrug off other people's opinions, and take them with a pinch of salt -- maybe your friend is a little like this, and figures you are too. Other people give a lot of credence to their friend's judgements (maybe too much), and take them to heart. I think I sometimes fall into the latter category, myself...

I do art, and it's very important to me. I once showed some of it to a friend of mine and he told me he didn't like it. It absolutely stung so bad. It took me a while to seperate his opinion of my art from his opinion of me, and convince myself he wasn't trying to make me feel bad.

Be confident in your decisions and your tastes. And here's another just-one-opinion -- you have beautiful, thick, healthy-looking hair. :)

[Xandergrammy]

Oh HeatherMae, don't you fret. Lots of us have poofy hair when it's combed or brushed. It's been my experience that the longer my hair gets, the less poofy it is, so when that time comes, you can just :tongue: your friend. So many people just don't "get" long hair.. Hang in there.


January 1997

http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g6/Xandergrammy/59e1dcab.jpg



September 2008

http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g6/Xandergrammy/The%20Next%20One%20Thousand/And%20Another%20Thousand/09-18-08002.jpg

[LisaJaney]

Your friend is a misguided goofball who's obviously blind. Your hair is lovely, pay no mind to her.

[bunnii]

Personally I really like your hair, and your friend probablydidn't mean to be so insensitive, just giving her opinion, and when your hair gets longer it'll look even better. Keep going it'll be worth it in the end.

[FrannyG]

HeatherMae, I can't imagine saying that to someone either. I would say nothing. If asked, I would be much more delicate about it. So that's just the way some of us are.

That's what makes it so much more hurtful when other people's opinions are so blunt. It's just not the way we are. However, to the blunt-speaking person, it's just their way, and they likely mean no harm. Usually.

In any case, I was admiring your hair, and I think it looks great.

Everyone is different, and we have to please ourselves. Don't you dare let one opinion change the way you feel about your hair.

I always know someone is feeling really bad when Xandergrammy pulls out the old poofy hair shot. :laugh:

I hope you feel better about all this soon, and just get back to loving your hair! :blossom:

[FrannyG]

Your friend is a misguided goofball who's obviously blind. Your hair is lovely, pay no mind to her.

Why didn't I just say that? Yes, what LisaJaney said. :)

[didrash]

Your hair in the signature looks very, veery pretty! As for your friend, I think she probably meant well. Long hair is not in fashion, and I can assume that she dislikes long hair and thinks that by growing long hair you are doing something bad to yourself and as a friend she reacts. From her point of view, it is as though you sent a picture of you with a mustache or something :). That's just the way some girls are. Do not discuss your hair with her as she obviously has different notion of pretty hair than us.

[Carolyn]

Your friend certainly wasn't very tactful was she? A lot is lost in e mail communication. If you had had a face to face conversation, things might have been said differently. Let's hope this is the case. In the future try to refrain from talking about your hair and hair goals with your friend and probably anyone else in real life. Most people just don't get it and they can't understand why anyone would want long hair, just like a lot of us can't understand wanting short hair. It's a variation of the "don't ask, don't tell" thing. So come here and share with us! There will always be someone to sympathize and to cheer you on.

I was always taught if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In cases like this honesty is way over-rated. I can make a vague reply to a situation like yours and say it with a smile and make the person think it's a compliment. Or I can out and out tell a white lie and say I love it. I try my best not to hurt friends feelings.

[paper]

I think your hair is thick and beautiful. You are a very lucky girl. I think some just don't like long hair and it's best to keep your comments about hair from them. :grouphug:

[Elenna]

I like your hair. It is thick and what a lovely color. A little longer and your hair will be stunning.

[Xandergrammy]

Why didn't I just say that? Yes, what LisaJaney said. :)


I totally agree with what LisaJaney and Franny said. :thumbsup:

[kate46]

All I can say is, I would give my right arm to have your beautiful, thick, shiny hair! :flower:

[spidermom]

Are you sure that's a friend? So rude! I don't care how much I might dislike something. If a friend were to tell me she went blonde and sent me a picture of her orange-y, icky-looking hair, I'd never say "I hate it." Better to say something like "wow - that's a big change for you. How do you like it?" Life is rude enough without adding to it. Anyway, keep growing; your hair is pretty.

[Honey39]

I think you've got lovely hair! It's very pretty, and a lovely colour.

I think when you've got thick hair, it gets better the longer it gets - I'm desperate for my hair to be a few inches longer so it *hangs* better, and I wonder if it's the same for you? Although it's gorgeous right now!

[Shanarana]

It's amazing to me how much other peoples behavior and opinions affect us. (trust me I know) There is nothing you can do with such comments but surround yourself with people who have the same taste in hair as you do (here) and let the rest go.

Sometimes I need to take my own advise too.

[30isthenewblack]

I don't think your friend was particularly tactful either. However, I found our my cousins used to call me 'Fuzzball' when I was younger and I just put that down to ignorance. I am the only one with curly hair in my family so not only did I get comments from the general public, I got them from my family as well. I just laughed it off and told them they were jealous because I got the best hair in the family. I also ran into an old friend from school who suggested that I shave my hair and start from scratch because at one stage my hair was thin. I can't be friends with her now because of that and so many other insensitive comments.

I think that you should share your hair goals with people who are going to support you and talk about other things with this friend of yours. At the end of the day, what you do with your appearance is your business and you should dress and do your hair to please yourself and make yourself happy. Just remember that every time someone says something to put you down, they are really saying something about themselves and how they are unhappy with their lives in some respect.

[jojo]

Heck you know some people are insensitive, but she don't like your hair so what that's her problem, do you like your hair? I am thinking you do, as do me and many others on her so let her comment go over your head. Were all different and like different things thats what makes it such a wonderful world we live in!

[Katze]

hi sort-of hairtwin! (color, wave, fineness are the same at least :D ) I'd love to have hair as thick as yours...wow!

Maybe you shouldn't share pictures with this friend anymore. When I was first growing my hair, I made the mistake of telling people - including my mother-out-law - that I wanted long hair. Their reaction? To pick up the ends, look disbelieving, and say "I don't think THIS hair will ever GET long, it's so thin!" Great, thanks! Now I don't say anything, except to two or three longhaired friends who are supportive.

One problem with "poof" is that you are at what, for many people, is an awkward length. In a couple of months you'll pass shoulder and will be able to do more with it. But for now, enjoy the fact that you have a blunt, thick hemline, a beautiful caramelly color, nice shine, and beautiful waves starting to develop. Keep up the good care and you will be amazed!