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JasmineAndRory
November 25th, 2014, 04:24 AM
Is anyone else doing this?

For my birthday someone got me some coney leave in that smells really nice but... My hair doesn't like stuff like that.
Of course, I was very gracious etc and have spritzed a bit around my hair (after oiling) so that I can "prove " I'm using it and it was a nice gift...

With the festive season just around the corner, is anyone else practicing their smiles?

(This is meant in a light-hearted "no-one understands me!" way - of course I am grateful that I have friends who think about me enough to buy me stuff!)

JustPam
November 25th, 2014, 04:29 AM
I'm purposely asking my family not to get me any toiletries or other hair/body products for Christmas because I'm trying to reduce my goop stash.

mindwiped
November 25th, 2014, 04:34 AM
Due to allergies I'm super sensitive, so I've never encouraged anybody to buy me toiletries. The few times I'd get them, I'd usually either return them or regift them, and they were gifts from people not that close (gifts from families I did child care for), so I wasn't worried about hurting hypothetical Great Aunt Mildred's feelings. My family knows I'm weird, and I'd rather they bought me a book.

JasmineAndRory
November 25th, 2014, 04:37 AM
I, too, have allergies but people seem to think that, because it goes on my hair, it's okay...
A jar of coconut oil would be lovely... Or some *strong* hairtoys that aren't just used as accents...
Maybe I'm too sensitive on the whole "they bought me it so I must use it" thing?

embee
November 25th, 2014, 06:40 AM
You are being polite in smiling and thanking, and that is sufficient, IMHO. Re-gift it to a women's shelter? A homeless shelter? It's a bit tricky to learn to do the smile and thank thing right away so the person never knows any different.

veryhairyfairy
November 25th, 2014, 07:22 AM
I'm the best at sincere thank yous for terrible gifts! :lol:
Mainly because I AM sincere; I honestly appreciate that they made the effort to get or make me something.

When I went hair crazy a few years ago (right after finding LHC, go figure) my family wasted so much money on cheap and badly made hair toys for me that I had to say something before my birthday a month later since I couldn't use them.
IMO, it's not hurtful to tell someone close to you that while you appreciate their effort and thoughtfulness, you can't use the gift, and would they like it? Or something along those lines. I was able to give my sisters the hair things so they didn't go to waste, and now I get Etsy credit for hairtoys! :D

lapushka
November 25th, 2014, 07:26 AM
I'm purposely asking my family not to get me any toiletries or other hair/body products for Christmas because I'm trying to reduce my goop stash.

Goop stash, nice way of putting it. I've got enough "goop" to last me a lifetime. :lol:

Amapola
November 25th, 2014, 08:30 AM
I try to be helpfully pro-active. As in: "Hey! Look at the Ficcare website! Wow, these LARGES are awesome aren't they, and look they have them in my FAVORITE COLOR, blue!" :D

I did finally have to say something to my mother not about hair toys or products, but she kept getting me things that were red (her favorite color) and finally I pointed out to her that MY favorite color was blue, not red. That conversation was a little bit difficult because her first response was to get defensive, but we managed to work our way through it to a better understanding. I had to really pick my time though, and I had to really put a lot of thought into it, so that I could work past her hurt feelings to that place of understanding, and it was not easy. However now things are great - she accepts that I like blue, not red, and most importantly that talk helped to bring us closer together. To me that was the most important point of the whole thing, not whether I got red stuff as gifts.

AmyBeth
November 25th, 2014, 11:55 AM
I am also very grateful that someone took the time and trouble to gift me with something, even if I don't particularly care for the thing. I have to admit that I'm not the best gift-giver in the world. It's hard for me to be able to afford a knock-your-socks-off gift for everyone I want to give a present to. I hope others appreciate the thought. I really try to be sensitive and give each person something personal that I think they will like, but I've been known to fall flat on my face in that respect:doh:

Nadine <3
November 25th, 2014, 12:25 PM
I'm fantastic at smiling and saying thank you for terrible gifts! One year a friend of mine got me a big assorted bag of super strong, Christmas scented lotions. I opened the gift and then proceeded to use the gift right then and there to really show just how grateful I was. I squirted some on my hands and within minutes I had hives all over them. I washed them off in the bathroom and that calmed them down, but the next morning all the skin was peeling off my hands...

I gifted all the lotions to the women's shelter here in town. I lived there or awhile, so if seemed like an okay thing to do with lotions that I would get no use out of.

chen bao jun
November 25th, 2014, 01:54 PM
I have been saying 'thank you' for stuff I can't possibly use all my life. I am allergic (quite severely) to makeup, perfume, lotions with perfume, perfumed soaps, the fragrance in candles and also to anything made of cashmere, mohair, alpaca, down and very sensitive to wool adn to any remotely 'itsy' (sweaters with lurex, for instance). I am diabetic and can't eat chocolate or candy (which I do not much like anyway). Also to jewelry unless it is at least 14k gold or sterling silver. all the little hostess gifts that people routinely give out when they wish to be nice to you, or that female friends give you for birthdays or door prizes at woman parties fall into the above categories. I find it best to say 'thank you' when someone gives me a gift like that, and then I put it in my stash for 'regifting'.
At some other time, if I know the person well enough, I will tell them that I have allergies. I have to say, it doesn't do much good. They promptly forget and give me something along the same lines again. It took me about fifteen years to get my husband to stop buying me perfume for a gift--he couldn't understand that no matter how expensive, I just can't deal. Let's not go to the part where I had to convince him not to wear aftershave if he wanted to get close to me...
lol
the upside is, I always have lots of little things around to give to someone else.

fiğrildi
November 25th, 2014, 03:27 PM
I try to let it clear to everyone in my family (and close friends) that I do not want them to give me any "surprise" presents. If they ask, sometimes I just let them know if I need something, and go shopping with them for that specific thing. I'm very picky and have quite weird and special tastes in things, which results in most of people not knowing at all what I like and what I do not like, consumerism-wise (unless I provide them with a kind-of-winter-swap-list thing beforehand... which would be totally despicable of me!)
I really don't see the point of buying each other stuff once a year, just because everyone else does (yep, Christmas doesn't mean that much for me). I have the luck (or misfortune, for the rest of people!) of my birthday being just a few days before Christmas, so most of my family skips my birthday... even if I'd rather prefer it would be the other way round. The only exception are handmade gifts. I adore handmade gifts, all-year-round.

The best gift someone has ever made me, was a little handmade notebook by one of my best friends on my last birthday, where she drew a really funny comic of myself being the main character of an adventure series. I was so much overwhelmed and happy by the gift, that when I genuinely thanked her (repeatedly) it looked a bit as if I was faking my enthusiasm.
On the other hand, when I do not like a gift, I'm such a great liar. I appreciate the intention of the gift much more than the gift itself, but it really irks me when I have insisted that I do not wish any gifts, and people assume that I'm just being polite. Like really, I would be much happier not feeling guilty, knowing that you've spend your money on buying me something I don't need. I guess I'm just weird :silly:
Phew, this ended up being a rant! (sorry about that)

Rushli
November 25th, 2014, 10:03 PM
Let's not go to the part where I had to convince him not to wear aftershave if he wanted to get close to me...

Since we are not going there, I won't but..... I understand! I dont understand why they dont get it

I am a part of a group that has secret sisters (like secret santa but for b-day, anniversary, v-day and christmas; we change who we have every year) and unfortunately, I pretty much only get things I dont use. I have been thinking of opting out or years now, but I enjoy the giving aspect of things, so I have stayed. I hate the feeling when you know someone does not like your gift, so I am always thankful and am careful about regifting.

fiğrildi, have you heard of the five love languages? Some people show their love by giving gifts. To them it is as natural as giving a hug, cooking a meal/running errands/helping with cleaning or telling someone how much they mean to them. If it is the same people who are always gifting things to you, it might be best just to give them a 'swap list thing' (or even just 5 ideas) so that they can do what brings them joy. Although on the other hand, there are just some who are stubborn....

truepeacenik
November 25th, 2014, 11:27 PM
I read somewhere that a recipient's job is done after a heartfelt thank you. (They are thinking of you)
After that, register, donate or lose away.

fiğrildi
November 26th, 2014, 01:37 AM
fiğrildi, have you heard of the five love languages? Some people show their love by giving gifts. To them it is as natural as giving a hug, cooking a meal/running errands/helping with cleaning or telling someone how much they mean to them. If it is the same people who are always gifting things to you, it might be best just to give them a 'swap list thing' (or even just 5 ideas) so that they can do what brings them joy. Although on the other hand, there are just some who are stubborn....

Oh no, I was mostly talking about those members of my family that I only see once a year (Christmas). It's very clear that they don't know me any bit (unlike most of my friends and close family), and they feel "forced" to give me something, when they already know that neither of us enjoy that kind of situation. I don't have any kind of relationship with them (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., except for my grandparents), so clearly it's an awkward situation: they know that I don't celebrate Christmas, yet, I have to join everyone in the celebration, since I'm the only atheist in that side of the family. I find that kind of gifts very impersonal and cold, not loving at all. Yet, I have obtained a lot of practice in the art of saying "thank you" :wink:
I love receiving gifts when they come from someone whom I love, and when the gift is not forced, but natural. It doesn't matter that much if I like the gift or not. So far, I have always treasured that kind of gifts :)

hennalonghair
November 26th, 2014, 04:24 AM
Goop stash :lol: yeah I get what you guys are saying
We are fussy about the items we use in our hair
I'd just tell them your personal preferences otherwise you'll keep getting useless stuff you won't ever use
I never ever have a problem saying thank you even if its the lamest gift ever
It's just habit now

hennalonghair
November 26th, 2014, 04:26 AM
Goop stash :lol: yeah I get what you guys are saying
We are fussy about the items we use in our hair
I'd just tell them your personal preferences otherwise you'll keep getting useless stuff you won't ever use
I never ever have a problem saying thank you even if its the lamest gift ever
It's just habit now

Donating gifts to a women's shelter is such a wonderful idea
God bless you all

QMacrocarpa
November 26th, 2014, 12:58 PM
Personal care items I can't use get stashed for the next April Showers (http://www.girlscoutsem.org/Girls-Families/Programs/Community-Service/April-Showers.aspx) collection, but maybe that's more regional than I realized, so it might not be a possibility elsewhere.