Regarding the Laws of Shiva

[MsPharaohMoan]

I'm reading about the Jewish laws of shiva and shloshim. Basically it is a list of things you are not able to do during the 30 day mourning period after a death has occurred. After the website put some explanations of these things and I found it interesting that you are not allowed to cut your hair during this period of time; this is what the website had to say about it:


Haircutting and Shaving A mourner may not take a haircut or shave for thirty days after the burial; nor may he cut his nails with an instrument. If one is mourning a parent, he is forbidden from cutting his hair even after thirty days. It must grow until his friends reprimand him and tell him to cut his hair (approximately three months from his last haircut).


Here's the link for those of you interest: http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/371240/jewish/The-Shloshim.htm
I have been reading lots of things about different religions. Anyone who recognizes this and has experienced this or something like this ritual, feel free to share. I haven't had death touch my friends and family recently but I like the idea of a ritual after.

[Nymphea]

Yes, in Jewish tradition a mourner doesn't cut his/her hair. It's not related only to the death of the close relative, but also to any mourning period (for example, the 49-days period of Counting Omer is also a semi-mourning period due to some historical happenings and observant people also don't cut their hair then, as well as listen to the instrumental music, go to the parties etc).

So not cutting hair in mourning is not a ritual as such - it is a part of the traditional observance.

Also, as far as I know, it's not specific only to the Jewish tradition; here in Serbia where I live, in the past (which is still followed by some traditional people) people wouldn't shave their beards or cut their hair a year after the close relative died.

[HaMalka]

In halachah (Jewish law) there are several times it is forbidden to cut hair. They are; when in mourning, during the counting of the Omer, on the Sabbath, on biblical holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Passover, etc.), and during the three weeks. It is customary not to cut hair on Rosh Chodesh and not to cut a boy's hair until his third birthday.

[MsPharaohMoan]

Interesting! Thanks for sharing your knowledge. I especially like the part "It must grow until his friends reprimand him and tell him to cut his hair".

[truepeacenik]

In my Talmud class, we learned that hair cutting (and grooming) was vanity. Periods of mourning are times to be focused on spirit, not the body.
When you are sitting shivah, mirrors are covered.

When reading Chabad pages, remember these are fundamentalist expressions of Judaism.
Valuable, but not every Jew's experience.
I have davened (prayed) with Chabad, and on many levels, I suport what they do, but my own outlook is far more feminist, liberal and inclusive.

[Nymphea]

Interesting! I especially like the part "It must grow until his friends reprimand him and tell him to cut his hair".

In Judaism and Jewish tradition, the focus is on life, on here and now instead of the abstract realities (I'm speaking in general and about the practical living of Judaism - of course there is a lot of discussion on many abstract concepts, but let's say that in general the focus is on life and deeds - concrete acts, and not on the, for example, afterlife and so). So the actual living in the society and community eventually takes precedence over the mourning. The mourner is allowed to live through his/her grief (through aninut, shiva and sheloshim), but after the sheloshim (30 days) the mourner is encouraged to get back into the everyday reality (except when he/she is mourning the death of the parent, then some specific observances last until a year after the burial). Hence, I suppose, the "reprimanding" part.

Yes - Chabad tradition is a part of the Orthodox Jewish tradition, but also a bit different from the "mainstream" rabbinic Orthodoxy. Other than that, they have a very useful online site full of information and Jewish knowledge. I often read it myself.

[GetMeToWaist]

but my own outlook is far more feminist, liberal and inclusive.

I like that. Feminists unite!

[Nymphea]

I like that. Feminists unite!

One more feminist here!

Actually, a feminist thought is, as I read and hear, currently one hot topic inside the American Jewish Orthodoxy. There's a lot of interesting things happening there!

Personally, I don't see Judaism as incompatible with the feminist questioning of tradition and everyday life. Of course there are different interpretations and denominations in Judaism, and there are some limits that they pose, but a feminist inquiry (by feminist I don't mean exclusively the radical feminist approach, but a wider critic feminism) is very possible and, I would say, much needed. There is a lot of space for investigating the female position regarding the halacha and within its limits, and also regarding the difference of halacha and specific minhagim, which are often much more restrictive towards women.