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View Full Version : Damaged, awful hair, at my wit's end



sunnylove
October 21st, 2014, 07:12 PM
I've had it with my hair. It's just awful. It's CBL and bleached (highlights, not all over color). It looks awful when it air dries, it looks slightly less awful when I blow dry (which isn't often, but I did refrain from heating tools for 2 months straight last year with no improvement whatsoever). My last highlights were in July, and right after that I regretted them and decided to just let my natural color grow out. It's probably the bleach that's making my hair so disgusting, right? I was bulimic for two years and recovered in 2012, so that did quite a bit of damage to my hair, as well as getting pregnant right following that in 2013. I'm sure all of that stress took a toll, but I just want nice hair. I'd love to shave my head and start over, but I'm getting married in April and would like to have decent length for my wedding. Just to mention, I take biotin, I do CWC, and rarely heat style. Do I just have to be patient and let the bleach grow out? I'm discouraged because the new growth doesn't look too pretty, either. Sorry for the ramble, I'm just so frustrated. I used to have waist length hair that was very nice with minimal effort (it stopped growing and fell out with the bulimia). Now I feel like I'm actually trying and it looks worse! Thank you if you made it through this mess. :o

starfire
October 21st, 2014, 07:26 PM
The damage is already done, so you'll just have to let it grow out. Since you have a wedding coming up, I wouldn't cut it now! Baby it from now till then and you can do your best to cover up the damage for your wedding day. After that, you may want to trim away the damage.
And your hair is probably not as awful as you say it is. We are our own worst critics sometimes! Best wishes!

LauraLongLocks
October 21st, 2014, 07:38 PM
Your body has been through the wringer it sound like. But congratulations are in order on your upcoming wedding. That's wonderful news. Yes, between the bodily stress and the bleach, it will take some time to grow that damage out. Do you eat a well-balanced diet now? Do you get enough protein, healthy fats, vegetables, and fruits? Are you taking a good multivitamin to help your body restore any deficiencies? Hair is a reflection of our general health. In order to have nice hair, you need to be healthy.

I would not cut it since you have your wedding coming up. You will have to diagnose what it needs the most... protein/moisture... and find products that make your hair happy. Good luck! Don't despair!

sunnylove
October 21st, 2014, 07:47 PM
Thank you both. I do eat very well, l cook almost all of our food so everything is home made. I take a prenatal vitamin as well. But none of that will help the hair that's already there, right? It will only help the hair to grow in healthy if I understand correctly? I did a protein treatment in July, but I've heard of hair getting too much protein so I have a hard time figuring out if I need another one or not.

ZeppHead
October 21st, 2014, 08:16 PM
When your ready chop all the damage off that you can bear with then vow to keep it healthy and just let it grow baby!! Keep taking prenatals and I also take fish oil or omega 369 twice a day for hair health. From there on out simply do small trims as needed and eat well,which I see you do. You will see a huge change in time especially if you bite the bullet and at least get the worst damage off. I know how you feel I couldn't get past shoulder when I was using dye and stripping to reduce high my hair felt like a hay bale. I gave up dye kept a strict vitamin regimen and started conditioning more paying attention to the health of my hair and treating it gently. Within a year I basically had a new growing head of hair. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress! :)

As for the protein your hair needs it especially now. I would wash less condition daily then use leave in conditioner and use a deep conditioner once or twice a week or on days you shampoo. Also coconut oil helped my hair so much I keep that in overnight the day before I wash. Don't stress you're on your way to healthy hair.

Madora
October 21st, 2014, 08:29 PM
As others have recommended, eat a balanced diet. Drink water.

As for the hair itself, you'll need to be patient and stay away from anything that is harmful, including any heat styling, etc.

You might want to look into clarifying your hair with Neutrogena Anti-Residue Clarifying Shampoo (received good reviews here to remove all buildup on your hair.

Then follow immediately with a conditioning treatment.

You might want to investigate using a few drops (2 or less) of Mineral Oil (aka Baby Oil) to help moisturize your hair. MO also tames frizzies and is a great detangler. You apply the drops to your palms, then run your hands through your hair several times. MO leaves no after scent and washes out easily in your next shampoo. It is also dead cheap!

Be sure your MO contains only MO and a fragrance. Any other additives make it less effective.

Naturally, you are going to need to do this every week. It is not a "catch as catch can" thing.

Also, look into your hair regime and see where you can improve. Are you detangling with a wide tooth comb, gently, from the ends up, in small sections?

Have you tried gentle scalp massage in the head down position?

And, daily brushing with a boar bristle brush helps in so many ways when it comes to healthy, beautiful hair.

And remember, less is more! Good luck!

ReneeG
October 21st, 2014, 09:00 PM
What dont you like about how it looks when you air dry, is it your natural texture that you dont like? If its naturally wavy/curly, there are many ways to bring out the waves/curls to make them look better, which will also help your hair condition (CG [curly girl] method, and LOC). For using a hair dryer, do please try to do it on the lowest heat setting. It takes longer but will cause less damage than the high heat. Lots of conditioning will do you some good right now, along with maybe oiling it regularly. You can try a dab of coconut oil in the evenings, or half an hour before washing so as to add a little extra moisture and protection to it. You can also try the herbal route and try using a cassia treatment to give it some added strength, although those are a bit drying and you will need some real moisture afterwards.

As for color, if you are growing out the highlights, great! I am too :) Come to this thread for growing-out motivation:

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=51155

However, since you have a wedding coming up... if you dont want roots showing you can always do a deposit only dye (or a semi right before the wedding) of the same color as your natural roots so that you can blend it all into the same color! Just make sure to do a strand test to make sure that the color matches, and do it far enough before the wedding that you arent going to end up with something crazy with no time to fix it before pictures.

Ultimately, what you need is time. Nothing will grow your hair out other than just waiting for your body to do what it is supposed to do. Take care of yourself,a nd your hair will come back nice and healthy. You are correct in that there arent any vitamins that can help the hair already on your head, but the vitamins and supplements you take will definitely help it to grow at full potential and healthily.

Sparklylady82
October 21st, 2014, 09:02 PM
Hi! Welcome and don't worry there are so many wonderful people here on LHC that will help! It would be helpful to see a picture of your hair or let us know your hairtype. Is it straight, wavy or curly? I'm suspecting you have wavy hair by your description. You might want to try adding protein treatments to you hair care since damaged hair is very porous. The protein will fill in the damage temporarily. There is a gelatin recipe out there that is inexpensive (I'll try and find a link) or I use Joico K-pack intese treatment. Also try protect your hair from your shampoo by either applying oil or conditioner to the lengths before you shampoo.

Besides all the advice above just have patience and you will start to notice an improvement. I highly recommend microtrimming! There is a thread on that too ;-) you can also join the "growing out dye/damage" thread for support and encouragment! I've been bleach free since May and microtrim every month or two and my hair feels so much better! Hang in there :-)

angstroms
October 21st, 2014, 09:05 PM
Oh wow. I went through some very similar things, as far as an eating disorder and a pregnancy. Mostly stopped by to say that and say I have an inkling of what you (and your hair!) have been through.
There's already lots of good advice in this thread, so I don't have too much to contribute. If you have bleach/heat damage your hair probably needs protein very badly.
And, while it's not for everyone, henna/cassia treatments have helped my hair be thicker, shinier and stronger where it's damaged. Not that it fixes the damage, but it does seem to help hold my hair together a bit, if that makes sense.
I'm also resisting a chop because of an upcoming wedding! I know you can do it!
I'd say be kind to your hair, develop good habits, figure out what works for you.
If you need to style the hell out of it to make it look the way you want for your wedding, go for it, THEN chop out the damage.

Santi
October 21st, 2014, 09:09 PM
Sunnylove, congratulations on your upcoming wedding & your Bulimia recovery! I am in the process of recovering from a lot of damage. I know how you are feeling. There's a big difference in what i do & need now compared to what I did when I started to care for my hair. I had a breakthrough when I learned about my hair properties: texture, porosity & elasticity. Knowing this helped me understand what my hair needed. I learned about my hair density on LHC. What got me through my frustration was knowing that I was on a path to healthy hair. Patience is key. Good luck!

Chocowalnut
October 21st, 2014, 10:57 PM
Welcome :) I understand the frustration- I have been there as many others here. I also have struggled with bulimia for 6 years now and really want to get well for the sake of my hair and teeth, but it is hard. Like the others have said, after your wedding of course, I would chop off as much damage for a fresh start and motivation, and then simply take care of your hair and maintain patience as it grows. Good luck!

Fufu
October 22nd, 2014, 01:16 AM
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding :) be positive.

You can decide whether to chop your hair after the wedding.

lapushka
October 22nd, 2014, 04:02 AM
A few months of going no-heat is not going to "cure" all-over damage. It's nothing, 2 months, really. You gotta think of this long term or it's not going to work. Also the bulimia isn't the best "situation" for healthy hair growth. I'd focus on that, and looks second. There's no need to shave it all off. If you just micro-trim you can slowly get the damage out. Yes, you have to be patient and let the bleach grow out, or you could have a stylist match your roots and color it one time, to your natural color.

sunnylove
October 22nd, 2014, 04:38 AM
Just to clarify I'm not bulimic anymore and haven't been for two years. I just suspect that my hair was severely damaged from that and the following pregnancy. As for hair type, it's wavy and fine. I cannot stretch washes (tried for years) and coconut oil doesn't do well on my hair. But I will definitely do another protein treatment. I did cut a significant amount off in may in hopes that it would be healthier, and it was for a little while, but now it's back to just looking bad. Thank you all for your advice!

lapushka
October 22nd, 2014, 05:28 AM
Two years, and your length, yes that damage should be basically out of your hair, the remnants of pregnancy might not be... and then there's the bleach damage. Protein is good, esp. on bleached hair. Just see to it you balance it out with moisture (a non-protein conditioner).

Yeah, there really is nothing other than good care and patience, and the option of having it colored your own hair color.

LadyCelestina
October 22nd, 2014, 08:20 AM
You can perhaps...wear a wig for your wedding? .If long hair is necessary for a wedding.I mean people are going to see you with a shaved head anyway and it's no shame.If a shave seems too harsh do a pixie.It's easier said than done probably,but if I were in your situation,I'd do it.

sunnylove
October 22nd, 2014, 10:41 AM
Lapushka I was thinking also that the damage should be gone, but I'm pretty sure my hair stopped growing while I was sick, as in it was just laying dormant for awhile. I know it's growing now because of my darker roots. I'll just have to stick it out.
Ladycelestina I don't want to wear a wig for my wedding. I don't know if I could shave my head, it's just tempting in moments where I'm really hating my hair. It's just frustrating that I did have nice bleached hair a few years ago, and it's still bleached but looks awful now. I don't get it (I don't overlap bleach either, just roots).

PinkyCat
October 22nd, 2014, 11:14 AM
Ya know, April is a long way away yet - you might even get a good 6" of growth by then.
Wigs are not horrible - I wore one for a couple months because of damage. If you shop around, try them on (which is fun actually) you can score one that looks natural. This is mine - it's a half wig, the bangs are real but the rest...not:

http://i1290.photobucket.com/albums/b533/lisadelelys/IMAG2716-1_zps9b236e85.jpg (http://s1290.photobucket.com/user/lisadelelys/media/IMAG2716-1_zps9b236e85.jpg.html)

Unofficial_Rose
October 22nd, 2014, 11:54 AM
In order to make the bleached bits look a bit healthier, as others have suggested you could try a deposit-only semi permanent dye. The reason I suggest this is because I had a similar situation recently. I had Majiblond highlights a couple of weeks ago and then went off the colour (it looked very stripey and fake, even against light brown hair, and very damaged.) I put Naturtint semipermanent Hazelnut dark blond over it and got a light golden brown all over. It has no peroxide, fades out and the best part was that it make strawlike, trashed hair look...well. like hair again. Shiny and smooth, no peroxide to lift the base colour. Of course I don't know what your natural colour is.

sunnylove
October 22nd, 2014, 12:44 PM
I'm naturally dark blonde/ash brown whatever it's called. I don't think wigs are horrible at all! I just don't know if I'm at a point where I need one. I figure April is six months away, I might get 3 inches by then. Fingers crossed.

Nordlilja
October 22nd, 2014, 12:47 PM
I have tried a gelatin treatment for people whit no time what so ever left for haircare. Step one - find gelatin. Here it is commonly sold as "leafs", a small translucent sheat. Put them in cold water (not needed if you use powder). Step two. Wash hair. Step three. Squeeze out the water from your gelatin, put it in a small cup and put the cup in really hot water to melt the gelatin. Stir! Three sheats turned into 50 ml jelly-like fluid. Add equal amount of conditioner. Stir! Disgusting, right? Step four. Put it in your hair, wait 5 min. Step 5. Rinse. Done.

lapushka
October 22nd, 2014, 01:21 PM
Lapushka I was thinking also that the damage should be gone, but I'm pretty sure my hair stopped growing while I was sick, as in it was just laying dormant for awhile. I know it's growing now because of my darker roots. I'll just have to stick it out.
Ladycelestina I don't want to wear a wig for my wedding. I don't know if I could shave my head, it's just tempting in moments where I'm really hating my hair. It's just frustrating that I did have nice bleached hair a few years ago, and it's still bleached but looks awful now. I don't get it (I don't overlap bleach either, just roots).

In that case maybe stick to micro-trimming for a while, but without help that's going to be hard on the length you have. With some help, it will be amazing, though and might be the best thing you can do for now. This is Feye's self-trimming method, in case you need it:
http://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/

sunnylove
October 22nd, 2014, 02:48 PM
I can't post photos, so here is a link to a picture of my hair, then maybe you guys can tell me if it needs a complete do over or not. You can't see my roots very well with the lighting and the fact that my natural color is fairly light. Please excuse my messy bathroom and scrubs, I just got home from work :)


<a href="http://s1330.photobucket.com/user/silversteph14/media/photo_zps2f89eb98.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w580/silversteph14/photo_zps2f89eb98.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo photo_zps2f89eb98.jpg"/></a>

sunnylove
October 22nd, 2014, 02:49 PM
I apologize, that link doesn't work. I'll try this one.

http://s1330.photobucket.com/user/silversteph14/media/photo_zps2f89eb98.jpg.html

Dewdrop
October 22nd, 2014, 03:08 PM
Maybe your hair isn't LHC-virgin hair, but I think it's very beautiful and shiny! I don't know if you use 'cones, but I'd invest in one of the higher-up serums to cover up damage. Also the deposit-dyes are a great way to mask any damage, bus seriously your color is gorgeous so...
Honestly, your hair looks pretty great!

sunnylove
October 22nd, 2014, 03:15 PM
Thank you. I do use cones, otherwise it would look even more disastrous. I love my hair this color, but I don't think the bleach damage is worth it :( I'll look into a serum, thanks for the suggestion.

animetor7
October 22nd, 2014, 05:16 PM
Congratulations on your recovery, baby and wedding!! That is all very exciting! As far as your hair, do you have curly hair? Or even wavy hair? Wavy and curly hair can look "damaged" when brushed out, even when it's fine. It just doesn't want to be brushed! If your hair is curly I would look at some of the curly haired threads on here to see how best to care for it and for ideas, and check out the curly girl method. As far as frizz goes, try some sort of oil. I like a minimal amount of coconut oil to tame frizz, but others have success with mineral oil, olive oil, or others. I would also recommend wearing your hair contained most of the time in braids, buns etc. in order to protect it from further damage. This also helps with frizz. I know that even when my hair doesn't look so great down, it can look very nice once I've put it up or into a braid. The best of luck to you! And congratulations once again!

LadyCelestina
October 22nd, 2014, 06:59 PM
What? Your hair looks great! :D Totally not what I expected by your description,it's beautiful and look at that shine!

winship2
October 22nd, 2014, 08:35 PM
Yes, I agree it looks lovely! I really don't see any thing at all to be self-conscious of. It's shiny and a beautiful color. Perhaps for your wedding you could have it French-braided and the tassel tucked under-- with some pretty pins or flowers it would be beautiful.

starfire
October 22nd, 2014, 08:56 PM
I don't see anything wrong with your hair! You are going to be a beautiful bride!

ReneeG
October 22nd, 2014, 09:14 PM
Oh my goodness, I was picturing something much much worse !!!! Sunnylove you have very nice hair. Obviously it isnt as strong or healthy while bleached as it was virgin, but it is in nice enough condition to not be a problem whatsoever for your wedding. Try microtrimming each month to keep the ends soft and very very slowly remove damage, but not enough to remove any length. You can definitely get 3 inches by the wedding if you are good to your hair in the meantime! Just spend some time on here (LHC) and learn some new ways to treat your hair gently and to give it lots of protein, moisture, and ways to keep it protected (braids and buns) in the meantime. Just give yourself time, you will get there :)

Oh! And since you are working towards not bleaching anymore, come join the bleach/dye growing out thread! Lots of photos and motivation to keep you from going crazy and shaving your head unless it is something you truly want to do. The link is in my first post on page 1

LauraLongLocks
October 23rd, 2014, 10:14 AM
My goodness! I thought it would be fried hair, but it's healthy and shiny looking. It looks absolutely fine. Don't cut it!

Fufu
October 23rd, 2014, 10:17 AM
Your hair is not as bad as I pictured :) You surely don't need a big chop, micro-trimming will do ^^

xsweetpotatox
October 23rd, 2014, 11:01 AM
Sunnylove, your hair is gorgeous! It's going to look amazing at your wedding!

sunnylove
October 24th, 2014, 07:03 AM
I think the picture makes it look better than how I see it, but thank you all for your kind words. I'll just have to keep babying it, and thank you for posting the micro trimming link!