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View Full Version : why do people hate/care about long hair so much?



laurarvt
October 17th, 2014, 11:28 PM
Hi all,
Now that my hair is creeping up on classic it apparently is now "weird" long. I wear it bunned 99% of the time. Today at work a I briefly took it down to shake it out and put it back up and you wouldn't believe the commotion it caused.

That's too long. Are you going to grow it to the floor? (Followed by a giggle). You should cut at least 6 inches off. If you wear it up all the time what does it matter how long it is?

Ugh. Normally I don't care what people think but it really irritated me today for some reason. Why would anybody care how long my hair is? Especially enough to get upset about it?
Thanks for listening....=)

cathair
October 17th, 2014, 11:35 PM
Just because people don't like/have to comment on things that are different I think.

Someone pulled the ends of my hair, said it looked too long and that I needed to cut a foot off, then poked me in the neck once. None of there business, neck length would be more than a foot, my ends are delicate and don't like being touched let alone pulled and their lucky they didn't end up with a black eye as a snap reaction.

I have much empathy. Please do ignore them.

tokugawa.miyako
October 18th, 2014, 12:53 AM
It's stuff like this that proves that middle school never ends. Why on earth do people care so much about other people's body parts? I don't know. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. :(

Entangled
October 18th, 2014, 12:55 AM
I think people comment because long hair is out of their range of experience. It takes a lot of time to do that, and it makes people think about whether they like it, hate it, wish they had the dedication,etc. It's kind of like the reaction to extreme peircings, tattoos, or rainbow hair, but different in that long hair takes a lot of time but is easy to erase, unlike the aforementioned examples which don't take a long time but are permanent.

ETA: Also, when styles are short and change quickly, hair is something easily changed, and thus not very significant. Many people have a flippant attitude towards hair. However, long hair *cannot* be a trend-- it takes too much time, (and dedication, if you're growing really long--hair is fragile). So I think there's an attitude difference, especially with people who've never tried to go for long hair. People with short hair tend to think longhairs are overreacting. Long hairs tend to think people with short hair are being rude/disrespectful for their personal choices. Long hair is often a choice. It's not a different cut. It takes years to be long. That is definitely a comunication barrier.

Knifegill
October 18th, 2014, 01:02 AM
They are actually jealous and turning to their social network for a contrary bias to keep standards low. Also happens when people are all eating donuts and you bust out a badass paleo lunch and everybody makes a joke about it. Or when you are trying to excel at work and everybody else brags about how lazy they are. They are maintaining low standards for themselves to maintain a sense of social integrity so none of them feel lower than the other. It's a fear-based reaction, people are afraid of being singled out. Also known as "crabs in the pot", everybody pulls everybody else down to their level. It's why alcoholics and users end up using again, their "friends" drag them back down because of the threat of a sober person in the group raising standards. Even though this is done at the expense of one person at a time, invariably everyone is teased about SOMETHING now and then, so it goes around and comes around anyway.

hennalonghair
October 18th, 2014, 01:17 AM
They are actually jealous and turning to their social network for a contrary bias to keep standards low. Also happens when people are all eating donuts and you bust out a badass paleo lunch and everybody makes a joke about it. Or when you are trying to excel at work and everybody else brags about how lazy they are. They are maintaining low standards for themselves to maintain a sense of social integrity so none of them feel lower than the other. It's a fear-based reaction, people are afraid of being singled out. Also known as "crabs in the pot", everybody pulls everybody else down to their level. It's why alcoholics and users end up using again, their "friends" drag them back down because of the threat of a sober person in the group raising standards. Even though this is done at the expense of one person at a time, invariably everyone is teased about SOMETHING now and then, so it goes around and comes around anyway.

Exactly!!! What an excellent answer. I was going to post something but you pretty much said it all.
Well written!

Rushli
October 18th, 2014, 01:39 AM
If you wear it up all the time what does it matter how long it is?

comments like this bug the heck out of me. I just want to say EXACTLY! I wear it up so why does it matter to you how long it is? Never mind any other reason why they have no business commenting, the statement contradicts itself!!!!!

MungoMania
October 18th, 2014, 01:54 AM
Whether you wear your classic length hair up or down it shouldn't matter. Adults can behave so childishly sometimes. It's too bad this happened to you. I don't have any great insights except to say as long as you love your hair as it is, that's all that counts.

~*~Aspen~*~
October 18th, 2014, 01:55 AM
Just because people don't like/have to comment on things that are different I think.


I have much empathy. Please do ignore them.

................
:D

Vanadis_Lithae
October 18th, 2014, 02:54 AM
Wow. That's horrible, I really go crazy if people say bad stuff about long hair. Mine is touching my knees in the back and usually I get positive comments and a lot questions-- every time I leave the house I get at least several people coming up to me and saying things. Maybe this would be good if I was a social person, but I'm not. I rarely leave my house and it doesn't really help that strangers always come up to me like that. I usually thank them and smile and walk briskly away, but sometimes they just keep asking questions. Always "When did you cut it last?" or "How long have you been growing it?" and stuff like that. I guess it just happens so often it gets annoying.

What's worse is when people touch it. Or ask to take photos. X_X No stranger, please do not pet me.

FireFromWithin
October 18th, 2014, 03:05 AM
I've not had negative comments about the length but there's a guy at uni who comments whenever I change my hair during the day. Which I do frequently if I'm trying out new styles that turn out to be uncomfortable or something happens to my current style or I get bored. It's an odd, not quite negative but definitely not an understanding reaction.

I've a friend who said long hair was disgusting, we don't see each other often as she's a family friend but my hair was about the length she initial said when I saw her last and she seems to be readjusting what length is bad based on the fact that mine looks fine when she sees me! Will have to keep growing to show her that even very long hair is beautiful.

sarahthegemini
October 18th, 2014, 04:35 AM
People have opinions and assume everyone wants to hear them.


They are actually jealous and turning to their social network for a contrary bias to keep standards low. Also happens when people are all eating donuts and you bust out a badass paleo lunch and everybody makes a joke about it. Or when you are trying to excel at work and everybody else brags about how lazy they are. They are maintaining low standards for themselves to maintain a sense of social integrity so none of them feel lower than the other. It's a fear-based reaction, people are afraid of being singled out. Also known as "crabs in the pot", everybody pulls everybody else down to their level. It's why alcoholics and users end up using again, their "friends" drag them back down because of the threat of a sober person in the group raising standards. Even though this is done at the expense of one person at a time, invariably everyone is teased about SOMETHING now and then, so it goes around and comes around anyway.

How did I know the jealousy card would come up? :rolleyes: Not everyone loves long hair so to assume anyone that says they don't must be jealous is simply preposterous and quite frankly egotistical.

Wildcat Diva
October 18th, 2014, 04:46 AM
Yeah, Sarah, I was thinking this too. Plus I am pretty sure that's not why alcoholics relapse.

Knifegill
October 18th, 2014, 05:01 AM
It's not the only reason. But it's a major contributor. How many times have you been through rehab?

Siowiel
October 18th, 2014, 05:12 AM
I think the childish and rude comments made about anything that is out of the norm (as mentioned before: piercings, tattoos, long hair etc.) are as annoying as the comments of people who think themselves superior because they eat better, have longer hair, exercise more or whatever... this thread illustrates this beautifully.

Knifegill
October 18th, 2014, 05:42 AM
Indeed.

............

vega
October 18th, 2014, 06:03 AM
Hi lauravt I know exactly about the commotion,I'm a guy with waist long curls and I get the comments at times, I've just learned to brush those people off and build the walls around them lol, I often get your hair is long you should cut it don't worry about these people been mean there nobody's anyway xox were here for you:)

Lyv
October 18th, 2014, 06:06 AM
Saying someone is "jealous" because they don't like a haircut/style/length drives me nuts (or a dietary choice, sorry but I'll never be impressed by what you eat). If that were the case then plenty of people on this board must be sooo jealous of a girl with a bob because they've said they don't like short hair.


*OP* I've never had an experience like that but I think sometimes when people see something different it's like they lose all comprehension of personal boundaries and what is appropriate (negative or positive). It's never fun to have someone say something negative about your appearance :grouphug:

YGDW
October 18th, 2014, 06:08 AM
It's not the only reason. But it's a major contributor. How many times have you been through rehab?

The fact that people comment on things that are not 'normal' does NOT mean that they are jealous. People also comment on girls with buzz cuts. People comment on others who don't drink, but also those that drink excessively. People comment on virgins, but also on those that have sex with more than the average number... but of course, it is easy an easy way out to think that it is only jealousy. I don't see how experience with rehab (does not) gives any credit to comment on this.

In any case, it sucks. Don't take it personally and just ignore it.

kaydana
October 18th, 2014, 06:11 AM
How did I know the jealousy card would come up? :rolleyes: Not everyone loves long hair so to assume anyone that says they don't must be jealous is simply preposterous and quite frankly egotistical.

The jealousy card comes up for the same reason as any other dismissal of another person's negative opinions/comments, to reassure the person who was hurt by it (whether that's someone trying to reassure themselves or someone else). It's not preposterous or egotistical, it's a defence mechanism.

Wildcat Diva
October 18th, 2014, 06:17 AM
It's not the only reason. But it's a major contributor. How many times have you been through rehab?
Counselor working a part time gig at a residential rehab here. Not saying that peers drinking doesn't contribute, I'm just saying that jealously for a sober person doesn't seem to quite fit my perception as a significant cause of relapse.

Mimha
October 18th, 2014, 07:21 AM
Socially speaking, it's an interesting question : the appearance of the people is something that matters a lot, apparently. In very traditional areas, the differences between the people (how they dress, how they wear their hair, how they behave) are not very big. In my grand-mother's little mountain village, until recently, all women would wear the same traditional costume, with hair bunned and hat, and every piece of the costume would have had a specific meaning : she would be dressed this way if she were married, widowed, etc. None of them could have even imagined it to be possible to go outside the house with hair down ! To make each other a little more fun, they had to play with little details : how to fold their foulard (3 or 4 folds), what brooch to fix it, or how they braided their bun. Going out of this frame would have raised a general outcry.

What I want to say is that society works so as to maintain a certain homogeneity among its members. To come up and make comment is - to my opinion - a very "normal" attitude of the human being, because we are social beings genetically programmed to maintain a group cohesion. All differences are considered as a potential threat to the common interests. And the fear to have to readjust the norm to new different standards is a threat as well.

Well, I don't mean that long hair is a threat to the common welfare, of course ^^. What I want to say is that hair has always been highly significant as a social "marker" in the human society (= showing who you are : man, woman, married, widowed, rich, poor, healthy or not, etc.). More recently it has even become a political marker (= showing protest against the system and traditions, for example). For me, that's why hair that is "out of the norm" generates so many comments from the people. Because it's just such a human reaction !... :)

The best thing is to assume our love for long hair and let it be. When I compare how many good and how many bad comments I've got in the past (when my hair was significantly long to trigger reactions), I think I had many more positive reactions than bad comments. And as I grew older, I got more hermetic to bad comments, considering that they reflect much more the negative perception of my interlocutor than my own reality.

Wildcat Diva
October 18th, 2014, 07:29 AM
Yes, yes! This lack of tolerance for what is different take on it fits much better than jealousy!

jacqueline101
October 18th, 2014, 07:34 AM
They are actually jealous and turning to their social network for a contrary bias to keep standards low. Also happens when people are all eating donuts and you bust out a badass paleo lunch and everybody makes a joke about it. Or when you are trying to excel at work and everybody else brags about how lazy they are. They are maintaining low standards for themselves to maintain a sense of social integrity so none of them feel lower than the other. It's a fear-based reaction, people are afraid of being singled out. Also known as "crabs in the pot", everybody pulls everybody else down to their level. It's why alcoholics and users end up using again, their "friends" drag them back down because of the threat of a sober person in the group raising standards. Even though this is done at the expense of one person at a time, invariably everyone is teased about SOMETHING now and then, so it goes around and comes around anyway.

I agree with this one hundred percent.

Fufu
October 18th, 2014, 07:53 AM
Ignore them..

They don't own and wear your hair.

Wildcat Diva
October 18th, 2014, 07:56 AM
Let's say I have a particular abhorrannce for having to see some random guy's underwear, and he is pants sagging (which he probably thinks is completely stylin') in front of me. If I happen to comment on it, even if I do it silently in my own head, does this mean I am jealous?

And ETA: just presenting a different situation trying to make a point about about style preferences and "jealousy. " Not meaning to compare the OP's lovely hair to some dude's BVD's. Lol

Chromis
October 18th, 2014, 08:14 AM
I think the crabs in the bucket theory is likely more true than not, but I don't think the root cause is jealousy. Sometimes people just seem to delight in making others "conform". Be it hair, food, exercise, goals, whatever, someone always seems to want to drag you down! I've given up generally on sharing goals until I have already accomplished them. Otherwise there is always at least one person who seems to thrive on raining on other people's parades (and will chime in even if they were just walking past and not part of the conversation!) Do something "weird" like passing on the doughnuts politely and you'd think the sky is falling in!

Also the number of things some folks notice and file away is sometimes rather surprising! At one job I had multiple comments anytime I had a new necklace. They were all quite small and I rotated what I wore, so I'm not even sure how they were keeping track! Same thing has happened with shoes. Do they keep a mental spreadsheet?! It was multiple people too. Oddly, they never noticed hairtoys, but I was extremely careful to never take my hair down at work there. Keeping hair up at work in general seems like the safest thing to me. Even other longhairs have trouble guessing how long it is and muggles seem to not notice it then.

Estrid
October 18th, 2014, 08:19 AM
I will never understand why people say that everyone that says mean/unnecessary things are jealous, that might be the cause for a small percentage of the comments, but probably not even close to the majority of them.

When I was 13 I did comment on a girls hair once (she was a friend), I told her that she would look better in a darker colour and with some layers or shorter hair. I didn't say so because I was jealous, I said so because I thought her flat, long blonde hair looked really strange combined with her really long face. Ofc it was none of my business (I will forever blame my comment on that I was young and stupid).

Just ignore those people, I would probably respond with something like: "...and look like you? Heavens no!" (probably not good unless you want to start a war) :cool:

Wildcat Diva
October 18th, 2014, 08:27 AM
We all have our preferences. I am the weird one quite a bit wherever I go and I've experienced a variety of reactions. True bewilderment, disinterest, and disgust far more often than jealously. It's a lack of tolerance for what is foreign.

But if someone is doing something different, I don't have to appreciate it or like it. Saying something to that person and hurting their feelings may be unkind, and rude, callous, selfish, and other things but I seriously doubt is motivated by jealously much of the time. I'll guess we will continue to speculate on this... As it's hard to prove what someone is feeling, anyway.

Entangled
October 18th, 2014, 08:27 AM
Keeping hair up at work in general seems like the safest thing to me. Even other longhairs have trouble guessing how long it is and muggles seem to not notice it then.

I love this!

Madora
October 18th, 2014, 08:30 AM
Hi all,
Now that my hair is creeping up on classic it apparently is now "weird" long. I wear it bunned 99% of the time. Today at work a I briefly took it down to shake it out and put it back up and you wouldn't believe the commotion it caused.

That's too long. Are you going to grow it to the floor? (Followed by a giggle). You should cut at least 6 inches off. If you wear it up all the time what does it matter how long it is?

Ugh. Normally I don't care what people think but it really irritated me today for some reason. Why would anybody care how long my hair is? Especially enough to get upset about it?
Thanks for listening....=)

I'm sorry you had such unkind reactions to your loose hair. Unfortunately, most people today think long hair is something "offbeat" or "odd" and can't fathom why you should want it that long. They don't understand or appreciate the time it took for you to reach classic length, or the pains you took to achieve that length. They can't appreciate the beauty of long hair, more's the pity. All they do is criticize or make brainless comments! Making disparaging remarks makes them feel "bigger" or more "in the know".

Whaddatheyknow?!!!!

Ignore them and concentrate on keeping your hair looking healthy and beautiful. You're way ahead of the hair game because you are NOT a slave to the latest hair fad, not a slave to salons, not a slave to needing trims every so often to keep the style looking good. You are also saving a TON of money when you have long hair! Let them spend their like water while you benefit from what you've saved by having long hair!

Knifegill
October 18th, 2014, 08:50 AM
Oh, I'll agree. There are some holes in my reasoning. It's not always jealousy, and peer pressure isn't the sole cause of relapse. I just kind of ranted it out, my apologies. Good comments, everybody.

lapushka
October 18th, 2014, 08:53 AM
In one ear, out the other... you know. ;)

Wildcat Diva
October 18th, 2014, 09:06 AM
Yeah I think in many cases we are arguing semantics (which I naturally do anyways as my brain fixates there). Agree in many cases it's mean-spirited, but more in an ewwww get away weirdo vibe than an OMG I secretly covet what you have vibe. We can speculate why people are so mean, they are really unhappy etc. however I think that all this Facebook status updates and tweeting and such speaks to the it's all about me and my opinions and "likes" world we live in. Ignorance may play a role too.

embee
October 18th, 2014, 09:18 AM
One thing I've thought is that the complainer may not actually be jealous of your long hair, but envious of your ability to go outside the norm. That takes some self confidence and willingness to ignore fashion and trends - willingness to be different. Some people really see this as threatening - maybe because they themselves would never step outside the current norm in such a way? Doesn't make much sense to me.

spidermom
October 18th, 2014, 09:33 AM
At that length, I ran into a few people who absolutely loved it. You probably will, too.

Monsoonu
October 18th, 2014, 02:48 PM
There are good and bad experiences with long hair, I actually had my hair down today (reaches the small of my back) and had a good experience.

I was shopping in boots, kneeling on the floor hoarding the last of my favourite shampoo before they disappear forever, when I became aware of a young girl near me looking at my hair and her mother was about 5 paces away trying to call her back, I smiled and before I could get back to my shampoo the little girl asked me if I was a princess because I had long hair, I smiled at her and caught her mother eye and said no, I was a fairy and showed her my slightly pointy ear and put a finger to my lips to shhhhh and told her it was a secret.

She ran over to her mum and said loudly that she had meet a fairy in the shop and she wanted long hair like a fairy! her mum was laughing and just said ok and winked at me.

I've had my fair share of negative comments, but I'm learning to ignore them.

RainbowBowser
October 18th, 2014, 02:57 PM
Thats rude! While its good you're not the only one who has dealt with this as a longhair: its so inconsiderate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ADisa_jH_s

Hopefully this little Torrinpaige thing could lighten the mood.

Clarkie
October 18th, 2014, 02:57 PM
Monsoonu, what a great story, made me smile:D
You probably made that little girl's day!
As for the people with negative comments about long hair, I tend to agree with the jealousy theory. And obviously their mothers never taught them the classic "If you can't say something nice, just shut the ***** up!!"

hennalonghair
October 18th, 2014, 04:57 PM
Wow. That's horrible, I really go crazy if people say bad stuff about long hair. Mine is touching my knees in the back and usually I get positive comments and a lot questions-- every time I leave the house I get at least several people coming up to me and saying things. Maybe this would be good if I was a social person, but I'm not. I rarely leave my house and it doesn't really help that strangers always come up to me like that. I usually thank them and smile and walk briskly away, but sometimes they just keep asking questions. Always "When did you cut it last?" or "How long have you been growing it?" and stuff like that. I guess it just happens so often it gets annoying.

What's worse is when people touch it. Or ask to take photos. X_X No stranger, please do not pet me.

:lol: I can relate
From childhood we are sent mixed messages; to be proud of our uniqueness but try and blend in. At school all the popular, cool kids have the latest styles and fashions. Society pressures us to become followers with the reward of acceptance. More people will approve of us if we wear the latest style of jeans. We learn that we can become more confident if we are accepted so we become socially conditioned throughout our lives.*
When we meet people we are continuously comparing ourselves to weigh in how we either differ or blend in .
The closer you are in comparison to another either brings them comfort of discomfort. If you are similar to them then it makes the other person feel better about themselves. After all, birds of a feather flock together.
Yes let's celebrate uniqueness but don't get too different from the rest of us because it makes us uncomfortable.
If you have long hair then you are a reminder to all those who caved into the pressures of society and you didn't. You stepped away from the reassurance of blending in and created your own style. You didn't conform with the majority and become a follower who could easily be swayed and manipulated by others upsets them.
I'm not suggesting people become jealous and uncomfortable on a conscious level. I think most of it is on an unconscious level and most don't even understand why they feel the way they do. They just know that this one doesn't belong with the other and it ruffles their feathers.*
How dare you step out from the 'norm' and create your own standard of style and comfort that's uniquely your own!
Social conditioning can be complex !

Madora
October 18th, 2014, 05:14 PM
:puppy:I like your post, hennalonghair!

I think we need a moto: Longhairs -- we march to the beat of a different drummer!

hennalonghair
October 18th, 2014, 05:18 PM
:puppy:I like your post, hennalonghair!

I think we need a moto: Longhairs -- we march to the beat of a different drummer!

LOVE IT!!! :flowers:

Aurum
October 18th, 2014, 05:33 PM
I agree with a lot that has been said here.

Most people agree that it isn't polite to point out people's differences/insecurities-- like scars or birth defects, for example. It's just something you shouldn't do. I think longhair is so unusual that it becomes a spectacle for people and, therefore, outside the social bounds of what you should or shouldn't say to someone. It's not every day you meet someone with classic or knee length hair, so people are caught off guard and forget that the owner of the hair is a person with feelings, too.

lunalocks
October 18th, 2014, 05:47 PM
Haven't worn my hair down in public for a few years and rarely now do people even comment on my hair. I rarely get a bun compliment but it sometimes happens. When I was waist and hip the comments were almost always positive. When someone brought up donating hair it seemed they were being helpful, as in just in case you cut your hair you do know that you can donate it. Or they suspect that I am growing it to donate it because they don't know anyone who would otherwise grow hair this long. I try to keep an open mind and not treat these comments as criticism.

I have heard certain relatives talk bad about a cousin of mine who is in her 60s and has shoulder length hair saying that to be that old and have scraggly long hair is terrible. They actually said this 20 years ago. These are people I see every 7 years or so. They know I have long hair, but they have no idea how long it is since I keep it up around them. I keep them mystified.

Wildcat Diva
October 18th, 2014, 05:47 PM
Some people have no filter. I was at the library with a teen counseling client of mine and some random lady stopped her just to comment on how the cleft in the teen's chin was the deepest she had ever seen, and amazed her. Not a clear compliment. So I was left to do cleanup of how socially awkward that was and wow that poor lady should think before she speaks as far as how she meant that comment to be presented. We laughed it off, but I was like "wow!"

burny
October 18th, 2014, 06:01 PM
Q: How long have you been growing your hair? A: It was about 2" long when I was born, so it must have started growing about 4months before I was born.

neko_kawaii
October 19th, 2014, 03:54 PM
I think the crabs in the bucket theory is likely more true than not, but I don't think the root cause is jealousy. Sometimes people just seem to delight in making others "conform". Be it hair, food, exercise, goals, whatever, someone always seems to want to drag you down! I've given up generally on sharing goals until I have already accomplished them. Otherwise there is always at least one person who seems to thrive on raining on other people's parades (and will chime in even if they were just walking past and not part of the conversation!) Do something "weird" like passing on the doughnuts politely and you'd think the sky is falling in!

Also the number of things some folks notice and file away is sometimes rather surprising! At one job I had multiple comments anytime I had a new necklace. They were all quite small and I rotated what I wore, so I'm not even sure how they were keeping track! Same thing has happened with shoes. Do they keep a mental spreadsheet?! It was multiple people too. Oddly, they never noticed hairtoys, but I was extremely careful to never take my hair down at work there. Keeping hair up at work in general seems like the safest thing to me. Even other longhairs have trouble guessing how long it is and muggles seem to not notice it then.

LOL, I noticed a couple weeks ago that one of my professors seemed to be wearing the same t-shirt to class every week. Last week he did his usual clown "OMG, there are people in here" act as he came in the door and I noticed he was wearing a button down shirt and a vest. He's a funny guy so I said, "Dude, where's your t-shirt?" and then the rest of the class chimed in with things like, "Poor thing, did you have to dress for a meeting?" He seemed to find the commentary amusing. I bet the t-shirt will be back this week.

Think about all the times you have heard a woman complain that she cut and/or colored her hair and no one noticed. There seems to be a cultural phenomena whereby it is expected that changes will be complemented. Perhaps since nothing else about you changed particularly, your necklaces were noticeable. We have each staked out our territory in the classroom (the way that primates will do) and the girl who always sits front and left of me has great taste in jewelry, so I'm always checking out her earrings, necklace, bracelets and she seems to wear them in cycles. I'm looking forward to seeing repeats of my favorites.

I don't keep a mental spread sheet of what people wear but clear patterns jump out at me in sometimes distracting ways. Ermahgerd, patterns!


Q: How long have you been growing your hair? A: It was about 2" long when I was born, so it must have started growing about 4months before I was born.

*snort*

chen bao jun
October 19th, 2014, 05:43 PM
You know, I 've been thinking about this and I actually doubt that most people think about long hair enough to hate it. I think if it comes to their attention in some way (they see hair longer than they've ever seen before), they think you have short hair and you do a bun drop and they suddenly realize you don't, something thoughtless may pop out of their mouth, but I don't think they even remember they said it five minutes later, and that they probably forgot all about you by then. Most people's main interest, to tell the truth, is 'me, myself and I" and they spend little time thinking about others at all.

Chocowalnut
October 19th, 2014, 09:23 PM
There are good and bad experiences with long hair, I actually had my hair down today (reaches the small of my back) and had a good experience.

I was shopping in boots, kneeling on the floor hoarding the last of my favourite shampoo before they disappear forever, when I became aware of a young girl near me looking at my hair and her mother was about 5 paces away trying to call her back, I smiled and before I could get back to my shampoo the little girl asked me if I was a princess because I had long hair, I smiled at her and caught her mother eye and said no, I was a fairy and showed her my slightly pointy ear and put a finger to my lips to shhhhh and told her it was a secret.

She ran over to her mum and said loudly that she had meet a fairy in the shop and she wanted long hair like a fairy! her mum was laughing and just said ok and winked at me.

I've had my fair share of negative comments, but I'm learning to ignore them.

This is awesome

Jorja
October 20th, 2014, 04:49 AM
. Most people's main interest, to tell the truth, is 'me, myself and I" and they spend little time thinking about others at all.
Too true! I use this logic if I'm unsure about what I'm wearing. I think .. " Nobody cares what I'm wearing, they're too worried about themselves, and if they do and I look bad? Then at least they feel better about themselves. Win Win :D

Gertrude
October 20th, 2014, 08:29 AM
There is the old saying that at twenty everyone is looking at you, at forty you don't care that everyone is looking at you, at sixty you realise nobody ever really was looking at you. Not sixty yet but people are wrapped up in themselves and don't notice much unless it sort of hits them in the face.

And then they're often tactless. Certainly about hair or things you can easily change. Not about your big nose, or your skin colour. I had lots of elderly relatives where sometimes in very old age the filters would really go. My grandmother would loudly ( hearing went too) say " He/She is digging his/her own grave with his/her own fork! " if she saw anyone rather plump and " Do you think he/she ever washes?" if she saw man or woman with very long loose hair. She had nothing about long hair on women in buns, and plenty on men with long hair. Being a teenager accompanying her I would blush beetroot red at her comments.

Now I realise they just saw a very, very old eccentric lady. If they ever really saw us at all...............I hope........

The defence mechanism thing is very real. The more left-handedness has become accepted the fewer " Lefties are the only ones in their right mind" mugs and other pro lefty tchotchkes are around. it's hard when people look at you with distaste when you stick your pen in your wrong hand and offer the wrong hand for shaking hands. Which they did when I was very little in the conservative family I grew up in. But my own father didn't realise I was left-handed until the teacher pointed it out when I went to school. Because in the mirror you look right-handed. Or standing opposite. Most humans like right handedness. Most US presidents since televised debates have been left-handed. They seem to be raising their right hand on the telly.

Whatever makes you " different" can get you negative comments. It's natural to repair your self esteem. They're all jealous and I am special (-;

Oh and nobody cares a jot when I write left handed in front of them now. And my six year old thinks that it's usual for people to marry their own gender. Times do change.

hanne jensen
October 20th, 2014, 08:55 AM
My Goodness! After reading this whole thread, I bless my Mother (God rest her soul) for teaching me that if I can't say something nice, say nothing. Has common courtesy gone the way of the dinosaur? Am I really that old fashioned?

I have a question for the long haired members because I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone uncomfortable. Is it bad to tell a stranger that their hair is beautiful? Just say, "You have beautiful hair" and just continue on my way, not pressing them into a conversation?

Madora
October 20th, 2014, 09:18 AM
My Goodness! After reading this whole thread, I bless my Mother (God rest her soul) for teaching me that if I can't say something nice, say nothing. Has common courtesy gone the way of the dinosaur? Am I really that old fashioned?

I have a question for the long haired members because I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone uncomfortable. Is it bad to tell a stranger that their hair is beautiful? Just say, "You have beautiful hair" and just continue on my way, not pressing them into a conversation?

That's perfect, hanne jensen! Tell them it is beautiful and go..unless they want to speak about it!

And yes, in many cases, common courtesy has gone the way of the dinosaur! Rare to find it these days! People would rather cut you to ribbons than say anything pleasant. They seem to enjoy belittling you. Be it You Tube or Facebook, the absolutely horrid remarks are enough to turn your stomach. And while I'm ranting and raving, what ever became of a simple "Thank you" for help rendered...or information provided...or entertainment provided (a la You Tube)??? Gee, when I think of some of the splendid videos I've seen on You Tube...and all the work that went into them (and believe me, as a very inexperienced You Tuber, it IS work!) a simple "thank you for sharing" would be appreciated by the author! But you rarely see it! No! Instead they are lambasting the author for a myriad of other nit picky things about their video instead! Geez!

Chiaroscuro
October 20th, 2014, 12:01 PM
Hi lauravt. I hope you are feeling better by today! H_U_G_S!!

I think humans are designed to be mostly in a herd so that we survive and society runs well. There are only a few people who are willing to break from the herd, and they always are picked on. Hair is a very important identifier in society--it is one of the first things we notice, and how it is presented can tell us a lot about a person. Your co-workers were just being herd animals and probably didn't even know they were doing it. Being part of a herd has advantages, so I think we are designed to want to be like others to some extent. Most people fit into some type of group---the hippies, the yuppies, the conservatives, etc.

I live in the US, and it seems to me that people are becoming so individualized that it is even hard for them to find marriage partners because no one is like themselves. For instance, most Americans used to be Christians, but now we have many religions, atheists, and people who are a combination such as someone who would say, "I was brought up Catholic, but my Dad was Jewish, and now I practice a little Buddhism, and I think Islam has a few good points I incorporate, too, so I consider myself to be spiritual but not religious." Then so many of us have travelled around picking up different habits from different parts of the country. We have access to an infinite number of activities, resulting in a unique combination of interests for each of us.

I have a friend who wants to marry someone "just like her." Only problem is how can she find a person who has the exact background, and the exact list of hobbies, and the exact outlook towards society, while living in a society of endless variety?

There is some good in trying to be part of a group and conforming to that groups' expectations and parameters, so that one has the support of the group. That is a very long, clumsy way of trying to explain why sheep will always 'baaaaa' whenever they see another trying to break from the herd. In a roundabout way they were probably trying to help you conform so that you can be happy and graze at ease in the middle of the herd.

I just arrived back from a very long trip---forgive the loopy logic, please.

I think hanne jensen and Gertrude made really good comments.

hanne jensen
October 21st, 2014, 09:01 AM
That's perfect, hanne jensen! Tell them it is beautiful and go..unless they want to speak about it!

And yes, in many cases, common courtesy has gone the way of the dinosaur! Rare to find it these days! People would rather cut you to ribbons than say anything pleasant. They seem to enjoy belittling you. Be it You Tube or Facebook, the absolutely horrid remarks are enough to turn your stomach. And while I'm ranting and raving, what ever became of a simple "Thank you" for help rendered...or information provided...or entertainment provided (a la You Tube)??? Gee, when I think of some of the splendid videos I've seen on You Tube...and all the work that went into them (and believe me, as a very inexperienced You Tuber, it IS work!) a simple "thank you for sharing" would be appreciated by the author! But you rarely see it! No! Instead they are lambasting the author for a myriad of other nit picky things about their video instead! Geez!

This is why I don't do Facebook. People here in Denmark have committed suicide over being ragged on at Facebook. I think I prefer being a dinosaur.

Thank you for answering my question.

Rosetta
October 21st, 2014, 09:30 AM
I think people comment because long hair is out of their range of experience. It takes a lot of time to do that, and it makes people think about whether they like it, hate it, wish they had the dedication,etc. It's kind of like the reaction to extreme peircings, tattoos, or rainbow hair, but different in that long hair takes a lot of time but is easy to erase, unlike the aforementioned examples which don't take a long time but are permanent.

ETA: Also, when styles are short and change quickly, hair is something easily changed, and thus not very significant. Many people have a flippant attitude towards hair. However, long hair *cannot* be a trend-- it takes too much time, (and dedication, if you're growing really long--hair is fragile). So I think there's an attitude difference, especially with people who've never tried to go for long hair. People with short hair tend to think longhairs are overreacting. Long hairs tend to think people with short hair are being rude/disrespectful for their personal choices. Long hair is often a choice. It's not a different cut. It takes years to be long. That is definitely a comunication barrier.
This was really excellently put!!


People have opinions and assume everyone wants to hear them.

How did I know the jealousy card would come up? :rolleyes: Not everyone loves long hair so to assume anyone that says they don't must be jealous is simply preposterous and quite frankly egotistical.
As was this, too. (I've always felt this way about all the "they're just jealous" comments so prevalent here...)


ETA:
And yes, in many cases, common courtesy has gone the way of the dinosaur! Rare to find it these days! People would rather cut you to ribbons than say anything pleasant. They seem to enjoy belittling you. Be it You Tube or Facebook, the absolutely horrid remarks are enough to turn your stomach. And while I'm ranting and raving, what ever became of a simple "Thank you" for help rendered...or information provided...or entertainment provided (a la You Tube)??? Gee, when I think of some of the splendid videos I've seen on You Tube...and all the work that went into them (and believe me, as a very inexperienced You Tuber, it IS work!) a simple "thank you for sharing" would be appreciated by the author! But you rarely see it! No! Instead they are lambasting the author for a myriad of other nit picky things about their video instead! Geez!
I've actually seen that ("thank you for sharing/posting") many times... So it's not that rare. And while I completely agree about Facebook, please don't put Youtube on the same level, it's a great place to find old songs, music or tv clips you couldn't find anywhere else :)

squirrrel
October 21st, 2014, 11:50 AM
I would definitely agree that half of it is outside what people are used to. And possibly their ignorance is leading to questions about practicality? " How can she clean it? Does she know how to look after it? It's not going to be easy to wear it like that and deal with daily life! It's too long!!!" I can see those kinds of thoughts intruding. Being a complete newbie I first noticed knee length hair in a story - a point I picked up on a couple of months ago. My first thought was along the lines of how long it must take her to put it up, the second was on the issue of cleaning it - was the bath nothing more than a mass of hair? Being a pre 1930's type story, someone pointed out it wouldn't have been washed often, nor in the bath... Since then my eyes have been opened somewhat, but I'm still learning (great place to learn about long hair here!) and have come to realise that to get hair to grow that long you really do need to be able to take care of it...

Keep up the good work!

As a side note... Monsoonu I loved that story! What a lovely little girl! :)

UniqueWabbit
October 21st, 2014, 11:58 AM
It's called jealousy. And it's ugly. Your hair, on the other hand, is beautiful. Thus, the jealousy. It's a vicious cycle.

AmyBeth
October 21st, 2014, 01:19 PM
I think that the herd mentality has something to do with it. We are a social species. Confirmatory bias might play a role. "I am OK. I do things this way. Therefore, anyone who does differently is wrong." I also think there might be a fair amount of social, shall we say, awkwardness at work. Such long hair is somewhat unusual and leaves some people at something of a lack of words. They probably really mean no offense, but don't know what to say, feel they must say something so out it comes, without much thought as to their word's effect. Simple thoughtlessness. I would give it no more thought than they do.
Sometimes I wonder why I never get such comments. Maybe because my hair isn't that long yet, maybe because I always wear it up. If I ever do get ANY kind of comment, good or bad, I think I will feel like I've "arrived".:p

Sarahlabyrinth
October 21st, 2014, 03:10 PM
And another thing... why do so many people think/say that long hair is "dirty"??????????????

truepeacenik
October 21st, 2014, 03:15 PM
It's called jealousy. And it's ugly. Your hair, on the other hand, is beautiful. Thus, the jealousy. It's a vicious cycle.

Have you not read the previous pages?

I think jealousy is invoked to make the person who was insulted feel better. It is well meant, but wrong.

As for the commenters snarling on long hair to gain..whatever it is they gain...being the crab pot, are we not also in an echo chamber? Don't we come here for support, and tips, and enabling to be longhairs?

Aurum
October 21st, 2014, 04:16 PM
And another thing... why do so many people think/say that long hair is "dirty"??????????????

Honestly, I think this one comes from the "dirty hippie" mentality of the '60s. Though times have changed, the stereotype has stuck around.

arr
October 21st, 2014, 04:34 PM
I'm going to be honest, before LHC I thought hair past waist/hip was definitely weird, maybe even kind of unattractive. I truly wasn't jealous, it just seemed so strange and unusual because I very rarely saw it. Then I found this site looking for healthy hair advice and started seeing all these pictures of super long hair. I'm going to be honest again, I thought it was kind of freakish. I don't know why, I think it was just so strange to me to see hair down to the knees or ankles for instance. Well, with time and exposure to this site, now I truly feel super long hair is beautiful and I want some for myself! I think it became familiar to me from spending so much time on this site. I distinctly remember an old friend of mine whose hair had gotten to hip and I commented on it (I was that person!) I said wow your hair has gotten so long, are you going to cut it soon? Looking back, I just somehow felt hair wasn't supposed to get that long, that it was against some unspoken rule. So basically from my own experience I think people aren't exposed to long hair enough to understand and be comfortable with it, which is true of many things in life. once a person gets some understanding, knowledge and exposure, they can begin to appreciate its true beauty.

squirrrel
October 21st, 2014, 04:46 PM
That's where I'm at I think Arr... Still somewhat amazed when I see the beautiful ankle length or longer hair. This is entering a new culture for people who haven't experienced it before. A little like the culture shock that happens when you realise you don't have to use traditional shampoo and conditioner to wash your hair. It's a bit of a surprise at first, you wonder how on earth it can be kept clean without those things, and then you slowly start to learn and explore.

If people are just hit with the shock of it, without voluntarily choosing to enter the culture and therefore be somewhat more prepared for the shock, they can be very outspoken and hurtful as they express their shock... Further down the line they may come to be more accepting. I guess it depends on the attitude. I hope I don't come across as 'ankle length hair - yuck?!?' - it's not meant to come across like that. It's meant more as 'Oh, OK then... I've never seen anything like this before... I'm going to stand back and watch, and see if I can learn something here... And maybe that length of hair just isn't for me, but that's OK, it's obviously something other people like, and that's just as ok! :)

Chromis
October 21st, 2014, 05:32 PM
Have you not read the previous pages?

I think jealousy is invoked to make the person who was insulted feel better. It is well meant, but wrong.

As for the commenters snarling on long hair to gain..whatever it is they gain...being the crab pot, are we not also in an echo chamber? Don't we come here for support, and tips, and enabling to be longhairs?

If that is the case, then why do all of the threads people start after chopping off most of their hair always get such positive comments on a long hair site? We aren't a very good echo chamber for long hair in that case :lol:

Wildcat Diva
October 21st, 2014, 08:19 PM
Have you not read the previous pages?

I think jealousy is invoked to make the person who was insulted feel better. It is well meant, but wrong.




Well, I'm with you on that one. However, perhaps they read the pages but still disagree, no matter how compelling my and others' arguments to the contrary.

ZeppHead
October 21st, 2014, 09:06 PM
Obviously the comment was hurtful and bothered you enough to come here for support. I'm sorry you endured that and had to hear negativity about something you love and hold dear. If you didn't you wouldn't have it right? In life you will always come across arrogant people and take into consideration that it may not have meant to come across the way it did and probably wasn't meant to make you feel like that. If they don't understand what it's like to love your hair,grow long and be proud of it then they probably don't understand that the comments about length would make you upset.

Anyway keep enjoying your hair and forget about it!:)

Fufu
October 22nd, 2014, 02:13 AM
To each his/her own.

All I feel is that we don't judge people by their hair.

AmyBeth
October 22nd, 2014, 03:45 AM
And another thing... why do so many people think/say that long hair is "dirty"??????????????

I've heard other members mentioning comments like this. I'm mystified by this. I wonder at what point does longish hair go from pretty and stylish to dirty by virtue of its length?

veryhairyfairy
October 22nd, 2014, 09:22 AM
I've heard other members mentioning comments like this. I'm mystified by this. I wonder at what point does longish hair go from pretty and stylish to dirty by virtue of its length?

I've always wondered if the long hair-dirty thing is mostly due to a lack of heat styling. I've seen some very polished looking heat-styled hip+ hair that girls were going crazy for, but my unkempt similar length is hardly ever commented on. :shrug:
But also, it's entirely possible that people think (kind of rightly, as I've experienced) that longer hair touches dirty things and whatnot. I can't tell you how many times I've been icked out to see my ends touching the floor while I tie my shoelaces, or watched in helpless horror as my braid flopped into the cats water bowl.


As for the OP, I'm sorry that your co-workers were so insensitive. Like others have said, I really think a lot of the negativity has to do with a combination of shock at something unusual and herd mentality.
There was an experiment where an animal in a wild herd was marked with paint, and without fail predators went for that animal when attacking. Since reading about that I've wondered if there's a connection with our species being total jerks (in general) to people outside the 'norm'. It's almost like an instinct because they see that you stand out, which makes you a target.

Anyway, my post is all just coffee-fueled mumbo jumbo to me right now, but we support your hair here! :grouphug:

MidnightMoon
October 22nd, 2014, 09:29 AM
I've always wondered if the long hair-dirty thing is mostly due to a lack of heat styling. I've seen some very polished looking heat-styled hip+ hair that girls were going crazy for, but my unkempt similar length is hardly ever commented on. :shrug:
But also, it's entirely possible that people think (kind of rightly, as I've experienced) that longer hair touches dirty things and whatnot. I can't tell you how many times I've been icked out to see my ends touching the floor while I tie my shoelaces, or watched in helpless horror as my braid flopped into the cats water bowl.


As for the OP, I'm sorry that your co-workers were so insensitive. Like others have said, I really think a lot of the negativity has to do with a combination of shock at something unusual and herd mentality.
There was an experiment where an animal in a wild herd was marked with paint, and without fail predators went for that animal when attacking. Since reading about that I've wondered if there's a connection with our species being total jerks (in general) to people outside the 'norm'. It's almost like an instinct because they see that you stand out, which makes you a target.

Anyway, my post is all just coffee-fueled mumbo jumbo to me right now, but we support your hair here! :grouphug:


I think that by dirty they don't mean/aren't thinking of the hair getting into dirty places but more like being dirty from not washing, or that having too much would somehow cause one not to be able to wash it properly.
Also, I have found some people disgusted even by their own hair, like it's a dead thing "hanging" there. Yes, it is dead, but it's not like it's a dead rat hanging from one's head...

veryhairyfairy
October 22nd, 2014, 09:40 AM
I think that by dirty they don't mean/aren't thinking of the hair getting into dirty places but more like being dirty from not washing, or that having too much would somehow cause one not to be able to wash it properly.
Also, I have found some people disgusted even by their own hair, like it's a dead thing "hanging" there. Yes, it is dead, but it's not like it's a dead rat hanging from one's head...

Yeah that's a good point. I get the feeling from comments I've received that longer hair is somehow intrinsically dirty, so maybe they do think that I can't wash it properly so it's always dirty. :hmm:

Angels+Eyeliner
October 22nd, 2014, 10:14 AM
I think the 'long hair is dirty' thing comes from a bunch of strange parts of our memories. When do people normally see extremely long hair? In the media. And under what circumstances do we see that? In hippies, who 'don't wash', or in our pre-Victorian ancestors who didn't wash anywhere near as much as we feel the need to now.

On top of that, the actors and actresses representing these characters almost always wear wigs or extensions for their long hair. Thinking recently about The Hunger Games and Divergent, both protagonists have pretty long hair (and the buns/braids to go with it) but the actresses have short crops. So, mentally, we come to associate long hair with the unwashed masses of the past because you just CAN'T have hair that long in 'real life'.

We've been programmed into the beauty shop mentality of healthy hair being trimmed every six weeks, and washed every other day (or every day) with the sort of shampoo your stylist recommends. Seeing a longhaired beauty in real life makes you think that she's a drop-out from this society, not that she's made her own choice. Somehow, people don't always click that you can still wash your hair if you don't have a stylist to tell you what to buy, and that you don't need to hack it off every few weeks to be healthy.

Short hair is seen as more of a choice. If you don't cut your hair, it will just grow. Admittedly it probably won't grow very long and it won't look very nice, because if you genuinely just stopped treating your hair at all it wouldn't look very good at all. So people think that to get your hair that long you must have stopped caring for it. Ergo, it's filthy.

Since all of you longhaired lovelies have beautiful hair and take a lot more care than the average shortie does, no one really has to worry about the ick factor of being near a longhair. But it's still countercultural (as I said, beauty shop mentality). Because your shoft shiny hair indicates that not only have you not stopped caring about your looks, you care greatly about having hair outside of the norm. It's like people saying that dreadlocks are dirty, or punks with spikey pink hair are dirty. You spend a lot of time caring for and maintaining a look. The last thing anyone wants is to be itchy, or to get a case of lice or something (something that people always assume are lurking in dreads).

Since your long hair demonstrates your 'outside the pack' mentality, people on a subconscious level feel challenged. Perhaps not as much as to think you're bringing down society as we know it, but if they haven't noticed your length before something will change. The way they interact with you has altered. They feel they should acknowledge your decision, but don't know what to say. Some of them might be confused and suggest a cut/you donate as a way of bringing you back to the standard from which they communicate. And then there will be some mean ones out there who will be personally offended by your decision. But the latter is the way of the world, and we're not hear to please them.

Wildcat Diva
October 22nd, 2014, 10:18 AM
...and, we've made it full circle to 'we are not here to decorate their world.' :D

AmyBeth
October 31st, 2014, 02:13 AM
Most of us are women- I can't even begin to imagine the stigma that some long-haired men must face!

maegalcarwen
November 1st, 2014, 07:26 AM
Exactly!!! What an excellent answer. I was going to post something but you pretty much said it all.
Well written!

I have to agree as well...

truepeacenik
November 1st, 2014, 11:58 AM
If that is the case, then why do all of the threads people start after chopping off most of their hair always get such positive comments on a long hair site? We aren't a very good echo chamber for long hair in that case :lol:
KNIT. I have refrained from posting when I think a cut sends someone back to Usualville. So only those who will say something positive post. It's an echo chamber in that the poster wants to hear they still look good, or wants even the longhairs to approve.

Wildcat Diva
November 1st, 2014, 12:02 PM
Right. I don't want to be the one to say, better you than me.

Entangled
November 1st, 2014, 12:12 PM
Also, I think most haircut compliments are often not about the result, but congratulating the change. I know I've complimented people on haircuts for no other reason than to show support. Often when people compliment haircuts, they are acknowledging that someone made a serious choice and touching base with the person to let them know "I'm a good friend and I support your choice" when they say "Nice haircut!" Now, there are definitely times where you adore a person's haircut or think it suits them, but often it's like exchanging niceties in the halllway or with strangers.
"How are you?"
"Fine, how are you?"
Great, have a nice day, regardless of what's actually going in in your life. (<--American culture, or at least where I am.)

Elizabeth E
May 16th, 2018, 01:29 PM
I also find it annoying. But I think people who have such opinions are mostly jealous. It's true that anyone can have short, 'styled' hair. But not everyone can have long and beautiful hair.:wigtongue

Milady_DeWinter
May 16th, 2018, 03:28 PM
*Answering to the first post, but can apply on almost anything*

Just 2 words: social conventionalisms. And a phrase that I've repeated until exhaustion all my life: you never get out of high school. High school is a sum up of all adults you'll meet during your life. You can guess i wasn't a happy teenager :rolling:

Dark40
May 16th, 2018, 05:19 PM
Hi all,
Now that my hair is creeping up on classic it apparently is now "weird" long. I wear it bunned 99% of the time. Today at work a I briefly took it down to shake it out and put it back up and you wouldn't believe the commotion it caused.

That's too long. Are you going to grow it to the floor? (Followed by a giggle). You should cut at least 6 inches off. If you wear it up all the time what does it matter how long it is?

Ugh. Normally I don't care what people think but it really irritated me today for some reason. Why would anybody care how long my hair is? Especially enough to get upset about it?
Thanks for listening....=)

I really hate it when people make comments about hair as long as classic and beyond. I think it's beautiful on others! I don't think it's weird at all. Now, I think when you're talking about floor length and dragging the floor length hair that is really weird. I'm like you, I don't what people say about how long my hair is either, and all people want nowadays is for you to have shorter hair to follow the latest trends. Because, where I live people are always wearing their hair short or either wearing weaves and extensions. I don't care what people say about my long hair either. Mine is not as long as yours. It's creeping around waist length.

AutobotsAttack
May 16th, 2018, 05:47 PM
I’ve always wondered if people realize how insignificant most of their comments are to people who are rather indifferent to them, or who vaguely associate with them on the most platonic level.

I feel like if people realized that, most of these unnecessary comments and so called “opinions” wouldn’t be uttered in the first place.

ursaV
May 16th, 2018, 06:11 PM
They are actually jealous and turning to their social network for a contrary bias to keep standards low. Also happens when people are all eating donuts and you bust out a badass paleo lunch and everybody makes a joke about it. Or when you are trying to excel at work and everybody else brags about how lazy they are. They are maintaining low standards for themselves to maintain a sense of social integrity so none of them feel lower than the other. It's a fear-based reaction, people are afraid of being singled out. Also known as "crabs in the pot", everybody pulls everybody else down to their level. It's why alcoholics and users end up using again, their "friends" drag them back down because of the threat of a sober person in the group raising standards. Even though this is done at the expense of one person at a time, invariably everyone is teased about SOMETHING now and then, so it goes around and comes around anyway.

Glad this thread was resurrected so I could read this. Perfect! Awesome! Longhairs have strong constitutions!
People always have something to say unfortunately. I'm honestly afraid of bad or demeaning comments about my hair in the future, I don't like to be *noticed* very much in social situations, if anyone knows what I mean... Its prevented me from dressing how I want as well. I know I shouldn't care but it's hard.

MoonRabbit
May 16th, 2018, 07:02 PM
I really hate it when people make comments about hair as long as classic and beyond. I think it's beautiful on others! I don't think it's weird at all. Now, I think when you're talking about floor length and dragging the floor length hair that is really weird.

Maybe people who see classic length hair find it odd just as you find floor odd.

Glitch
May 16th, 2018, 07:02 PM
Glad this thread was resurrected so I could read this. Perfect! Awesome! Longhairs have strong constitutions!
People always have something to say unfortunately. I'm honestly afraid of bad or demeaning comments about my hair in the future, I don't like to be *noticed* very much in social situations, if anyone knows what I mean... Its prevented me from dressing how I want as well. I know I shouldn't care but it's hard.

I agree :/ Likewise, there are often terrible things said about women who choose to have very short hair (especially where I live). Anything out of the norm is just "the craziest thing ever" to many and it baffles me that some people actively try to impose their preferences on others.

blushy
May 16th, 2018, 07:21 PM
I definitely agree with what knifegill said, I believe people who say those things are jealous...hair that long is beautiful, rare, and hard to achieve. Don't listen to people's negativity. You should be proud of your long hair because it is gorgeous :o

AngelAki
May 16th, 2018, 08:44 PM
I'd say reasons are as follows:

1. Jealousy
2. Upbringing
3. Personal taste
4. Troll

Ligeia Noire
May 16th, 2018, 08:47 PM
It might sound arrogant and haughty but oh yeah it takes patience, care and a good lifestyle to grow hair this long, so yes I am not going to cut it anytime soon if I can help it and damn sure I am proud of it and anyone that complains about it, can just f off, that is why I dress how I want and do not care, life is too short and I am not a spring chicken, if I do not do what I want now when will I do it? When my body and health decay?
Humans are just too self absorbed to think they need to offer their view on the littlest thing.

Rustam
May 16th, 2018, 11:02 PM
I agree with what a lot of what has been said on here. I think hair is a fairly prominent characteristic. People use hair as a means of self expression a lot and people use it to identify people and to categorize them too. So when it is different than the norm they take notice and make judgements based on it, though they seem to be wrong pretty often. I am definitely learning not to worry about those things, though they still bother me, and probably prevent me from enjoying my hair as much as I might otherwise.

Otempura
May 16th, 2018, 11:09 PM
Jealousy is a nasty thing, and teasing is a weapon used by those who do not have the guts to go for the things they really want in life. That or they're just not nice people. I would simply ignore them.

spidermom
May 16th, 2018, 11:29 PM
Although it might be true occasionally, I think it's arrogant to assume any negative remark arises from jealousy. Believe me, everybody does not want what LHC considers rare and beautiful. One person's treasure can be another person's garbage, and I've heard all kinds of garbage remarks about long hair. Some people are concerned about the hygiene of it, for example, and it's true that many with ultra-long hair avoid washing it as often as they would if it were shorter. I know I did; I hated having wet hair hanging all over me for the hours it took to dry. (I've had hair down to my thighs but lately have been keeping it around shoulder length because it's so much easier to deal with.)

*Wednesday*
May 17th, 2018, 08:36 AM
I agree with Spidermom. This = Jealous is being used too loose. I like to keep things in perspective regarding the OP’s situation. Classic is long hair and would certainly draw attention if you are playing (fixing an updo) with it in front of your co-workers which never saw the length. 99% of the time up they missed the 1% down? I guess in the OP’s case, it was ALL unusually negative if what is in her post is quoted verbatim. Beautiful classic length hair would only draw admiration from my part.

Margarita
May 17th, 2018, 09:09 AM
Jealousy is natural in all humans but, besides being natural, is actually evil at some point. I have felt it, we all have. Long hair draws attention of being stared in a bad way, and in friendly ways at times. Thats why a lot of people convice or badly comment towards another person's beautiful long hair to cut them, so he/she can be like her haters. I admire long hair, and thats why i want to have them, and i try everything to achieve it. Jealous people have poison on their tongues, and they try to feed you with their poison.

shaluwm_agape
May 17th, 2018, 09:15 AM
Im going to chime in here i agree with the jealousy but it isnt because you have long hair persay its more the commitment that it took to grow it. Not many people can commit to anything and if they do, its not intentional. It just something they feel they need to do to avoid themselves

I just recently hit APL and my goal is classic virgin hair. I told a family member & the first thing i was told was "you'll get bored before the year is out & chop it off or dye it."

Guitargod
May 17th, 2018, 09:34 AM
I had a teacher in elementary who was of the opinion that long hair was only for young women and older women should act their age... She disliked it if she saw someone with long beautiful hair and they turned around and had an old face. Needless to say I found that position a bit silly.

Lizabeth94
May 17th, 2018, 09:48 AM
My hubby, as much as love him, frequently says he wishes i wouldn't grow my hair out past armpit or bra strap length. He considers hair longer than that to be freakishly long and ugly. Back when we were dating and i had a pixie cut, he told me loves "long hair," but as it turns out, our definitions of what counts as long are very different. I personally call sl-apl to be medium length, and it is my least favorite length. I like my hair to be either super short or super long, not halfway in between. I am currently approaching shoulder length and entering my dreaded medium length stage, so the topic comes up frequently, especially when i try to excitedly show my hubby pictures of my hair goals. Also my mom and dad don't like super long hair either. My mom wishes i would cut back to a pixie and frequently says so. My dad wishes i would either cut back to pixie or grow no more than shoulder. :rolleyes:

TheLuckyLurker
May 17th, 2018, 09:36 PM
Re: jealousy. I agree there's a lot of that, but it's not the hair itself. I think it's a combination of two things: first, it takes a lot of dedication to grow your hair out instead of getting extensions, and a lot of people don't have that. I don't mean for hair, I mean in general. And they don't like to see someone who does have that level of dedication, because it makes them feel bad that they don't cultivate that in themselves. And second, if you grow your hair down to say, your knees or something like that, it's a very long term thing. There's no way you're doing it because it's popular at the moment. Which means you're doing it solely for yourself, with no care for whether it's in style, or on-trend. That takes confidence, especially once people start loudly proclaiming their dislike/disapproval, and you ignore them and keep doing what you want. And seeing someone confident enough to do what they want and not care what other people think can inspire anger (because they can't bully that person into changing they way they want) and envy, because they want to be like that but aren't. And aren't willing to do the work to become that way. That's what I think.

cjk
May 18th, 2018, 11:01 PM
Beards of substance get similar responses, a combination of hateful resentment and love.

I honestly believe it is a combination of factors including, as the person above me said, an expression of freedom and individuality, coupled with the expression of the fact that you do indeed March to a different drummer.

One of the most common comments I get from men is "I wish my wife or employer would let me grow my beard." With men, particularly, long hair is viewed similarly. Far too many look for validation externally...my wife won't let me grow my beard, my employer mandates short hair, and the like.

Living for yourself, deciding for yourself, is a foreign concept to many. Too many.

fhairyqueen
May 20th, 2018, 01:21 PM
I don’t get how someone’s hair can be “too long” or “too short”
It’s up to the indivisible whose hair it is
If you can physically grow super long hair which not everyone can then why not

LadyArwen
May 20th, 2018, 03:38 PM
hmm I do wonder about this...some people love it, and others hate it. I have been on the fence to cut it a while (people around me usually have shorter hair that is dyed and styled...like victoria beckham)...I feel like I have been on this journey of becoming more a more feminine for several years now, and hair is just one of the expressions of that!

Milkchocolate
June 16th, 2018, 12:37 PM
There’s a lot of factors that could go into someone loving/ hating someones long hair. I think it all depends on the circumstances. One could simply not be a fan of long hair and move on from the subject, or as I’ve had in a recent experience, a relative of mine was encouraging me to cut my hair the day a stylist came over. She kept pleading me to cut it, while my boyfriend was saying I shouldn’t because he loved it. That same relative has scalp problems and has an inane amount of hair fall (I’ve tried to help her because I know that must be a difficult thing). In the end I decided not to, just because maybe I feel like she might have been projecting onto me. I’m still going to try to help her because I genuinely want her to be well. I hate using the word “jealousy” it makes me feel so icky. But how I see it is if someone thinks about something that’s on you too much, it’s because they probably secretly desire it. You don’t see someone obsessing over how bad something looks because they can move on.

Dark40
June 16th, 2018, 12:56 PM
Hi all,
Now that my hair is creeping up on classic it apparently is now "weird" long. I wear it bunned 99% of the time. Today at work a I briefly took it down to shake it out and put it back up and you wouldn't believe the commotion it caused.

That's too long. Are you going to grow it to the floor? (Followed by a giggle). You should cut at least 6 inches off. If you wear it up all the time what does it matter how long it is?

Ugh. Normally I don't care what people think but it really irritated me today for some reason. Why would anybody care how long my hair is? Especially enough to get upset about it?
Thanks for listening....=)

Congratulations on creeping up on classic! I'm like you, I don't care what others say about how long my hair is. Or, if I need to get a haircut and that it's too, "long." I've always admired extremely long hair all of my life, and I'm not even near classic yet but when I reach that milestone I don't care what people say about me wearing it up all of the time. Or, if they tell me, "I need a haircut," I'm just going to ignore them.

Cayy
June 20th, 2018, 05:47 AM
It’s kind of the same thing with people who have extremely short hair; they see it as an extreme. I’ve noticed at my work, people even comment if I wear a little bit of eyeliner, commenting all day on my “wings”. I think sometimes it has to do with how you normally have your hair; if it’s always down and long, people will see it as a norm and eventually stop commenting on it; but if you wear it down once, then they always have some thing to say :p I don’t mind the “wow your hair is getting long!” Comments but I think any negative views people could kindly keep to themselves.

xsampa
June 20th, 2018, 06:28 AM
I would argue it’s just the result of unspoken assumptions about what counts as a normal hair length. Because long (as in WL or more) hair is longer than the unspoken average, people will generally think of it as different and hate/care about it.

Pumpkin3826
July 19th, 2018, 11:52 AM
I wonder this all the time!!! I have one person in particular who always has something to say.. She is my sisters best friend and I don't see her often but every time I do I get a comment about how long it is.. For example she has said "Wow, you are looking very amish.." First off amish women put there hair up in a bonnet so there is that, but really who would say that!! Then I got the comment "So are you going for the little house on the prairie look?" Ugh.. Some people. I just learn to anticipate it from her and ignore it. I would rather be different and happy then conform to everyone's "norm" and be miserable. I am so glad there is the LHC where people understand!

Nera
July 19th, 2018, 01:11 PM
bc they jelly:)

MoonRabbit
July 19th, 2018, 01:25 PM
It's just personal choice. All because I love and have long hair does not mean people envy me, they simply prefer to keep hair at a shorter length. Just how I don't like having my nails grow long. But long nails especially fake ones are really trendy right now. I don't see the point of them, yet others can say that to me about my hair.

The only thing I don't understand is peoples need to voice these comments in a negative manner.

Ligeia Noire
July 19th, 2018, 02:48 PM
I wonder this all the time!!! I have one person in particular who always has something to say.. She is my sisters best friend and I don't see her often but every time I do I get a comment about how long it is.. For example she has said "Wow, you are looking very amish.." First off amish women put there hair up in a bonnet so there is that, but really who would say that!! Then I got the comment "So are you going for the little house on the prairie look?" Ugh.. Some people. I just learn to anticipate it from her and ignore it. I would rather be different and happy then conform to everyone's "norm" and be miserable. I am so glad there is the LHC where people understand!

Someone actually called my workplace asking for the Amish Lady.... My boss was like who?.... I am close to be an Amish as a cat to be a dog... but hey we all laughed our butts off

Dendra
July 19th, 2018, 03:10 PM
Someone actually called my workplace asking for the Amish Lady.... My boss was like who?.... I am close to be an Amish as a cat to be a dog... but hey we all laughed our butts off

That's a good one :laugh:

Dark40
July 19th, 2018, 07:48 PM
I think people hate/care about long hair so much is because of envy or jealousy. They are just jealous because your hair is at a beautiful extreme length, and theirs is not. I remember when I was little a lady pulled my pigtails saying, "Give me some of that hair!" And, at the time it was almost hip length!

mrsmushroom
July 21st, 2018, 07:34 PM
i've had people make comments about how i should cut my hair soon or i'll "start to look like a hippie". my hair is only a couple inches above waist-length.

Dark40
July 22nd, 2018, 09:30 PM
mrsmushroom, your hair is at a very nice length! I wouldn't even worry about what others say or think about my hair. BTW, your hair is a couple of inches above waist-length! I see it on your profile picture. :)

Rebeccalaurenxx
July 23rd, 2018, 12:29 AM
It has nothing to do with jealousy...
Sometimes people just have opinions and there’s nothing absolutely to it. Lol.

Like, I’m a LHC member but I still think ankle length + hair isn’t cute.
Am I jealous? No. I just don’t find hair that long to be very attractive.
That’s my opinion.
You don’t have to like it but that’s what I think.

When someone, be it stranger or friend..
Whether or not someone takes it personally is up to them.
It’s all about how you perceive yourself and what you think.
What someone says to you is OPINION but it does not make it FACT.


Opinions are a lot like buttholes, everyone has one.

cjk
July 23rd, 2018, 11:07 AM
Anyone who presents themselves as an outlier gets attention, good and bad.

My hair isn't yet long enough to get a lot of attention but my beard is. And people care, deeply, about my beard. Between the inevitable comments of awesome beard I can't grow one, awesome beard I wish my wife/job would LET me grow one, and if you cut it you'd look so much younger...I grow weary.

But I just count most as compliments, no matter how oblique.

The only time it was a problem was the guy who grabbed my beard and started yanking...hard. Technically I was assaulted.

Ylva
July 23rd, 2018, 11:25 AM
They are actually jealous and turning to their social network for a contrary bias to keep standards low. Also happens when people are all eating donuts and you bust out a badass paleo lunch and everybody makes a joke about it. Or when you are trying to excel at work and everybody else brags about how lazy they are. They are maintaining low standards for themselves to maintain a sense of social integrity so none of them feel lower than the other. It's a fear-based reaction, people are afraid of being singled out. Also known as "crabs in the pot", everybody pulls everybody else down to their level. It's why alcoholics and users end up using again, their "friends" drag them back down because of the threat of a sober person in the group raising standards. Even though this is done at the expense of one person at a time, invariably everyone is teased about SOMETHING now and then, so it goes around and comes around anyway.

Gosh, this is so true. I haven’t gotten any particularly stupid hair comments, I think, which I’m of course happy about, but I am only close to TBL at the moment, so maybe they will come later. I had this exact experience with my ex though, unrelated to hair, but anyway. I’m just glad that over time I see more and more how messed up HE was and not me. Funny how a hair forum can help with that. :)

nycelle
July 23rd, 2018, 11:55 AM
I don't think most people are jealous, or really care either. It's just a personal like or dislike, nothing more.

But they should probably hold back if they're going to be rude about it.

Dark40
July 23rd, 2018, 04:32 PM
I agree with nycelle. If someone has a dislike or something negative to say about my hair. They should hold back saying something rude about it.

Belle03
August 4th, 2018, 02:55 AM
I get a mixture of compliments & insults. Some people have never seen an African American woman with hair past their shoulders. The majority of people think my hair is fake. When people find out it's real, they want to pull my hair. That's one of the reasons why I like wearing my hair pinned up. No one can touch or pull my hair.

lapushka
August 4th, 2018, 09:57 AM
I get a mixture of compliments & insults. Some people have never seen an African American woman with hair past their shoulders. The majority of people think my hair is fake. When people find out it's real, they want to pull my hair. That's one of the reasons why I like wearing my hair pinned up. No one can touch or pull my hair.

That is awful! Shouldn't be like that at all. I follow plenty of curly girls on YT (a boatload) and their curl pattern ranges from 2c all the way to 4c, and they have all taught me how to take better care of my hair! Some have short hair, others (like 22nd century woman) have butt length hair - it is amazing!

Arciela
August 4th, 2018, 12:55 PM
I do know some people who seem to obsess over each others hair, and often times they try to tell me what to do with mine. I just ignore it..goes in one ear out the other lol. My mind is made up with what I am doing with it!

From my experience, they do it for many reasons - bordem, insecurites, just wanna get their two cents in, etc. The worst one I ever deal with is my BF cousin. She is extremely insecure and always tells anyone with long hair to cut it. Again..goes in one ear and out the other haha.

Dark40
August 11th, 2018, 06:50 PM
Arciela, i totally agree with you on that note. I think people in today's society always think that people with long hair should cut it to keep up with the latest short hair trends. I'm like you, I've made up my mind to keep it long, and that's what I want, and going to do.lol