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View Full Version : I'm out of advice for a young friend..help



truepeacenik
September 23rd, 2008, 04:42 PM
I have a friend, senior in high school who is beautiful and has lovely hair. Except that she lost a chunk to stress, and it is growing back...much curlier.
She's straightening it, but she's getting picked on by boys and girls. One even throws trash at the back of her hair in class.
(I don't want to think what the teacher is doing)

I suggested a bun, but she cannot pull on the section at all and it is basically the topknot, slid back a touch.
The section looks to be six inches shorter than the rest.
Maybe layers overall, but after that, I'm lost.

I've made up some deep moisture treatments for her. She just needs camoflauge!:p

ideas?

melikai
September 23rd, 2008, 04:47 PM
Sorry, this won't be very useful, but she's being picked on because she lost a chunk of hair?! That's just incredible to me.

In an attempt to make this somewhat helpful, could she change her part so that it covers the area?

ladyshannonanne
September 23rd, 2008, 04:52 PM
Do you think there might be underlying issues causing the taunting from the other kids. It just doesn't seem like that big of a deal if there wasn't something going on before. Teenagers can be really cruel to one another, and I wouldn't be surprised if there was some previous issue coming out because her hair looks a little different.

Hope that helps!

Tristessa
September 23rd, 2008, 05:11 PM
This really touched my heart because my senior year of high school, I lost a large chunk of hair above my hairline because of extreme stress. I had a big bald spot. I camouflaged it by changing my hairpart.

While my hair grew back in the same, I empathize with her and my suggestion would be for her maybe to straighten that section of hair in the morning, if she feels okay about using a flat iron. If there are half-ups she can do which would incorporate the hair, that might work too. Can she french braid?

People can be so cruel and I'm sad your young friend has not just stress in her life but also rude people to deal with. I am glad she has a friend like you to help her get through this!

ETA: I'm so sorry, I just reread and saw that she is straightening it. I have a sad feeling that no matter what she does, those kids will still be mean. Maybe the best thing is the reminder that she's just a year away from freedom from those cruel people.

Tabitha
September 23rd, 2008, 05:21 PM
I'm sorry to hear this. I'm free from school but I kind of know how she feels as I currently have a little bald patch at the front of my hair.

Instead of straightening the curlier portion, could she perhaps braid the rest of her hair at night to make it curlier, so it matched up?

Nes
September 23rd, 2008, 06:52 PM
It depends on what she wants to do - i'm sure a haircut (eg something choppy/layered) could do a job of disguising it, but it depends on how she wants her hair to be.

I second the idea of possibly braiding/ragging the rest of her hair so it blends in. What I usually do when I want curls is before bed, seperate my hair into 6 sections and twist them until they curl up on themselves and then secure with snag free elastics. Take them out in the morning and this gives a good lasting curl the next day.

I would suggest that she avoids making any big permanant difference to her appearance based on peer pressure/bullying because she will probably end up feeling resentful if that makes sense?

Nes x

Hue
September 23rd, 2008, 07:22 PM
Would she be comfortable with a French braid worn to school? Hides all sorts of variability in hair.

Darkhorse1
September 23rd, 2008, 07:34 PM
She needs to march right into the office and lodge a complaint about bullying. That is just WRONG. What if she had cancer? Would kids be throwing garbage at her?? NO!

How is her self esteem? She must be feeling just terrible! Poor young lady.

Can she wear a bandana to school? They make such a wide variety now, or a wide fabric hair band, if the hair loss is in the front, that might help with estetics. But, the kids treating her poorly is a whole seperate issue.

Good luck to her!! and HUGS!

Katahdin
September 23rd, 2008, 07:37 PM
Hmm. Would it be possible to go to a salon and just get that chunk of hair chemically straightened? I know it's a huge no-no for longhairs, but she's flat ironing it anyways, and it would take the every-day worry out of it. She could ask the hairdresser to be very careful, and not actually put the relaxing chemical directly on her scalp, but a 1/2 inch down the hair, if that area's sensitive.

I'm sorry to hear she's being teased, but I can't say I'm surprised. Kids are so cruel, and once they have a "weak" target, they'll stick to it. The best advice I have it to try and make it a good thing. There's a kid in my science class who has to use an electric wheel chair, and everyone loves him. He has fun with it, he chases kids around in it (in a good way). I've never seen him teased, ever. If she found a way to make it a cool thing, I bet they'd back off.

Slug Yoga
September 23rd, 2008, 08:03 PM
What about using headbands or clips to hold that section of hair down/back?

And yes, it's so absurd to me that people are teasing her because of this. :mad:

berr
September 23rd, 2008, 08:28 PM
Sometimes I really dislike people. :( Can you or a parent call the school and alert them? Have them observe what is happening? By going in herself she might open up a whole new can of worms. Being caught in the act is a different story. I truly feel for her. I was so skinny and my hair was such a vibrant red through school I was often scorned. I hated it. My crime? I was a 90lb weakling that had a fire on my head. Plus my mother would buy my clothes at the used store and they weren't very attractive. I'll never forget the time she put me in Peter Max colored patterned baggy pants. Geez, I caught hell for that. I hid them.

I like the headband idea. Skinny headbands are in style for the high school girls here. Could she could pull it back and put it in a barrette? Pull the top back to about mid back of her head and secure it while leaving the sides loose? Whatever she does it will need to be something that doesn't draw unwanted attention to herself. She needs to recover from the stress and the bullying.

Top knot area? High ponytail?

Bronwyn Grace
September 23rd, 2008, 09:57 PM
That is so horrible. I agree that she or her parents should make a bullying complaint. Some girls at my school actually sued the school for very mild bullying, and if these kids are causing the poor girl to lose her hair...

As to making it look better... I think a headband would be really cute. I am in high school right now, and a lot of my friends are wearing all kinds. Skinny, thick, patterned... everything. :)

truepeacenik
September 23rd, 2008, 10:35 PM
mom's too busy with the acting out brother, but mom asked my advice on the bully and the hair. Dad died some 14 years ago.
Bullying is allowed, unofficially, and this just miles from Columbine. grrrr.
Yes, it is pathetic that these cretins are doing this.

She wants my hair. Cutting is probably not what she wants to do.
I think I'll invite her to lunch and teach her a few updos.

She basically needs to duck and run: this is senior year.

spidermom
September 23rd, 2008, 10:45 PM
Oh but I feel for that girl. I was a weird kid and bullied continually. If I changed the thing they were tormenting me about, they'd find something new to focus their scorn on. Some of the teachers joined in (but most did not tolerate it; thank goodness). I hope a solution can be found but I fear not.

noelgirl
September 24th, 2008, 01:13 AM
Firstly, these are seniors in high school? Throwing garbage? That is so childish. Not to say that bullying never happened at my high school - but something as uncivilized as throwing things would not have been tolerated. I cannot believe that action has not been taken for that alone.

Anyway, as for the topic at hand - my feeling is that clever updos and toys can hide it. Headbands are pretty big with teenagers lately, it seems - we can thank "Gossip Girl" for that :) So she could probably do a style that incorporates that. I also agree with whoever said that a nice braid would camouflage any inconsistency. Half-ups could also be helpful - I use them a lot to hide canopy frizz.

GlassEyes
September 24th, 2008, 06:20 AM
There's an LHCer here who shaved part of her head at one point. I don't remember who, but she may have some ideas about camoflauge. The only thing I can think of are double french braids, but I'm not sure they'd work.

How far back CAN she pull it? Because if she puts the back in a french twist and pins what can't reach it should disguise it a bit, if I'm thinking the chunk is in the area I'm thinking of.

Oh, and obviously those kids are *******s. I don't even need tosay it.

Altocumulus
September 24th, 2008, 08:48 AM
I'd suggest french braids if she wants to camouflage the different textured hair, but I agree with everyone else that the bullies will just find something else to pick on her about.

Could she enroll in a martial arts training program? That would give her greater self confidence, which is really the only thing that will stop the bullying.

Jean_Grey
September 24th, 2008, 09:05 AM
I think the best advice is probably going to be more about dealing with jerks, than hair advice. :(

Rent a few Pretty in Pink type of movies and have a girl's night with her. Let her know that it's a universal problem.

Periwinkle
September 24th, 2008, 09:14 AM
She could probably hide or flatten that bit with an alice band.

truepeacenik
September 24th, 2008, 09:20 AM
I'd suggest french braids if she wants to camouflage the different textured hair, but I agree with everyone else that the bullies will just find something else to pick on her about.

Could she enroll in a martial arts training program? That would give her greater self confidence, which is really the only thing that will stop the bullying.

see the kid on Oprah recently? that was her sensei's kid. He ran the dojo for the aggrandizement of his son.
She's looking into a new teacher, and possibly form.
She does get picked on. I simply want to get her over this one issue, so she can focus on school and getting out of here.


the particular patch would be seen in an LHC photo.
A lot of these ideas are for at the part loss. think of a kippah/ yamulke/ spiral where men lose their hair. That's the spot.
but she's not to pull on it at all. She liked playing with my ketylos, so maybe that's an option. She wrapped her longer hair around it, then "pinned" it., leaving the new growth alone, but under.
I'm sure you ladies know a real name for that, but since I use only three updos, I don't.

Altocumulus
September 24th, 2008, 09:42 AM
I haven't heard about that dojo, but from your description, it doesn't sound like the kind of place that fosters self-confidence!

So even french braiding is too much pulling? Maybe she could do a half up fastened just in front of the problem spot (maybe with a wide barrette to spread the hair out), and then put all the hair in a loose English braid at the nape? That way the curly hair would be covered by the hair in the half up, but wouldn't be tugged on.

ChloeDharma
September 24th, 2008, 10:01 AM
Sounds to me like her best bet is to work out who the main ring leader is then sort them out publically.....bullies don't stop just because you change your hair, they only stop if it's not worth the consequences.....like a proper smacking letting them know there's more where that came from if they want to try it again.....you'd be surprised how gut-less bullies are when you turn.