Curly 3a+ daughter of 1b/1c Mom

[Quasiquixotic]

So my daughter has curly hair. It makes lose corkscrews with enough moisture in any climate. In humidity it goes wild. I need some help. The ladies at the 3s thread have been really helpful and I CO wash her only and LOC every time, detangle full of conditioner wet only. But I need some help. Her hair frizzes and knots like CRAZY when she wears it down. Which is her favorite way to wear it. I need to "wash" her hair almost daily to stay on top of the knots or she cries real tears when I try to comb it out. Even with lots of detangler and Knot Today in her hair. (She's become a bit of a product junky...)

Hair ties are asking for trouble. So braids are difficult, pony tails are difficult. Buns work great when she's with me, but she's 4 and isn't ready to wear a stick or fork to preschool...plus why arm her (or other children with a stick). So I'm thinking flex's but still...that's $14 for a small for something she could just loose or get tired of wearing and want to take out of her hair.

How do you get a child to wear their hair up?? Or how can I keep the knots at bay?

Her hair is super fine and i thickness, She's 3a right after getting wet, they fad to 2c/3a by day 3 after a bath. It's about hip on her wet and shrinks to just below apl dry. Her hair is going to be amazing when she is old enough to take care of it - i.e. not touch it, wear it up etc etc. But right now it's a huge source of pain and battle between us. I remember reading Quixii talking about how her parents made her brush her hair all the time, and I worry I'm that parent.

Halp!

**Mods my title is misleading. I was going to make a thread on advice for curly children of straight haired parents, but then made it specific. My dd isn't 3a+...

[browneyedsusan]

Ask her how she likes it. Go over the pros and cons of long hair with her. If it's stressful keeping it long, it might be better to cut it back until she can care for it herself. My DD17 has hiplength 1B hair, and we went through that when she was little. We cut it above shoulder, and our relationship improved a great deal. It still tangled, but we were able to fingercomb with condish in the tub to take care of most of it. --Hairties and braids might be do-able again for you?-- As it grew out, I'd ask her if she would prefer to trim it back, or grow it longer. She kept it around SL until she was 8 or so, then sporadically grew it. It was always up to her, and I helped her with it if she wanted me to. (I still help her if she wants. I teach her if she wants to learn. Otherwise, I stay out of it. It's good that she becomes more independent, and makes her own decisions with their own consequences.)

FWIW: Darling Sister has 3 hair. Darling Niece does too. They kept it short when she was little. It worked out fine. (Darling Niece lost her phone while sleeping once. It was in her hair. lol! )

[restless]

How about banana clips for ponytails and a piece of yarn or satin ribbon to tie off the braids with in case the hair ties are causing her troubles? Theyre cheap and come in many different and fun colours :)

Edit: Spin pins for buns?

[lapushka]

Do you use a Tangle Teezer on her hair. If not, get one, pronto! Use it in the bath or shower with lots of conditioner and don't bother detangling after that. It will sort itself out. And I also didn't want to wear my (classic length) hair up to school, but my mom simply made a rule, yes a rule, that for school it had to be up and out of the way. That was just the way it was, and I didn't (dare) question it. My mom was very adamant about it!

[Quasiquixotic]

Sidenote: So we had had a few days without a bath/detangle and I had her take one last night. Trying something new, because I knew there would be knots, I put a 2 handfuls of oil (hemp) in her hair and then a handful of conditioner. Bunned it with an acrylic stick and let her play for about 40 min. Took it down, combed her hair out. It was mostly painless, but there were some big knots. I actually shampooed her hair, with my Shea Moisture shampoo, to get some of the oil out. Just did her crown and squeezed the suds through her length. Then conditioner. Then LOC. She has slept on spirals all the way up to her roots. If I could do this in the morning and get her to plop or squish her hair :thudpile: this is the first time I've gotten curl that high in Colorado. Only before in Florida visiting family. I love curly hair!

I has asked her if she would rather have short hair or long hair. I've told her that we have to brush our hair or it will make one big knot and we have to cut it off. (Ask me how I know :eyebrows:.) she says she WANs long princess hair - or my hair. It breaks my heart that she doesn't like her hair. I am trying everything I can think of to help her see how awesome her hair really is, and still she doesn't like it. But also doesn't want to cut it :/

So maybe a strong rule is what we need. She does well with those. Hair up during the day. Down for special occasions. I do have a tangle teaser, I'll try it in the bath. I've just been using a wide tooth comb on her.

I'll have got try to get a photo of the awesome curls. Thanks all. I think this frustrates me because I'm so invested in her hair. Maybe I need to step back more and let it be hers. Even though she is 4.

[rags]

My DD is probably a 2c, and until the last few years I was 1a/1b, so I understand! They weren't around when DD was little, but I definitely second a TT! My MIL had Alzheimer's and I helped care for her the last years of her life. She was extremely tender-headed and would try to stop you combing her hair. She LOVED the TT I bought her! Her hair was probably 3b.

[ooglipoo]

My 10yo DD has 3a+ hair, too. When she was that age, I just had to power through the fuss. She didn't want her hair cut, so we did little poufs, and those helped. Just little pony tails, maybe 2 maybe 4, just wherever she wanted them. We took them down at night.

Oh, yes! A satin pillow case helps oodles. DDs hair would tangle lots at night because she's an active sleeper.

I taught her how to finger comb and she would help me, but mostly, we just had to grin and bear the crying horror of brushing it out (used a Tangle Teezer and oil or detangler...)

Still, at 10, she has vicious knots, and I have to help her with it.

The struggle is real, and lasting. You'll do okay, just settle into the knowledge that it will get easier, but it's never going to change. Accept the omnipresent knots and just do the daily duty of a comb out. :flower:

ETA: Braids help a lot, too. I used to have to bribe her to keep her braids in while at school.

[brickworld13]

My sister used to be that way. Mom was pretty strict with rules. She gave us some options. Learn to take care of it yourself, suffer through the pain of mom taking care of it, or get a haircut until you are ready to do one of the other options.

Those banana clips are phenomonal on curly hair. They make such a cute updo and they are really cheap so easy to replace if lost or broken.

[sumidha]

Would she wear a scrunchie? They're so cheap to make it wouldn't be the end of the world if she lost a couple, and they're definitely nowhere near as dangerous as a fork or stick.

[Hootenanny]

I know you said that braids are difficult, but honestly, that's one of the best solutions. Would she accept them if you mixed things up? Like, English braid(s) one day, French another, rope another... ?

[CurlyCap]

Compromise?

Ponytail/English braid secured with a scrunchie M-Thu with Friday ipecial bc she gets to wear it down (and you can detangle it on a Saturday when you have more time)?

To be honest, your daughter's problems sound the same as mine....and I'm 30! I was a huge fan of scrunchies growing up bc they hold like a rock in curly hair, are relatively non-damaging, CHEAP, and you can have a whole basket of every color under the sun.

My dad also used colorful hair yarn like this:
http://www.mpmschoolsupplies.com/p-6543-art-yarn-neon.aspx?gclid=CJurl5uP3MACFchhfgodVhEA6A
Again, lots of colors, held like a rock, and felt pretty.

To be honest, curly hair is a commitment. My dad literally got down on his knees and thanked god the day I woke up as a kid, brushed and braided my own hair for school. I thought it was funny, but in retrospect I kinda get it. As an adult, I still do a little jig when I wake up and my hair hasn't mutated overnight.

I think perhaps not focusing on displaying her curls most days might be best. Let her hairstyles show that she has curly hair, but don't worry so much about the curls being perfect. Up, out of the way, but not tight and pulled back.

[ooglipoo]

To be honest, curly hair is a commitment. My dad literally got down on his knees and thanked god the day I woke up as a kid, brushed and braided my own for school. I thought it was funny, but in retrospect I kinda get it.



:rolling:

This is exactly true, a commitment.

[Quasiquixotic]

Thank you for all the wonderful comments! I'll look into banana cilps and scrunchies for her. Braids are hard because even though her hair is curly it's fine and there isn't much of it so it falls out of braids. the best I get is twin french braids. but even then the parts around her face will be out by the end of the day, or one curl will section will escape half way down.

Curly hair is a commitment, effort but so pretty. I never realized this before now. and yeah 90% of the time her hair isn't at its best. unbrushed slept on curls.

That is more or less the line I've taken - we take care of your hair or we cut it short. (She's 4 and not quite there in caring for it without me. I let her help as much as possible - put conditioner in her hair, try detangling it, etc etc.) But I can't help be feel like it's a threat to get her to let me detangle her hair. Basically let me "pull" your hair or we will cut it off, ending the one part of her hair she likes. Sigh. It will get easier but won't change - good way to but it Ogglipoo.

Thank you all :)

[ARG]

My own DD isn't very curly, she has the baby curls with fine hair that tangles so very easily.

I style it in a cinnabun with little claw clips to keep it up. They don't seem to bother her at all (she's 2), and its so easy to use, plus if I lose them I'm not too worried about it.

[princesspoppy]

I'm a curly daughter of a mum with straight hair! when I was a kid I almost always wore my hair down and my and my mum just dealt with it, with the help of lots of detangling spray! Other than that I would sometimes wear a braid or two, which I know you said didn't work for your daughter :( and I definitely wore a lot of scrunchies which I used to love. Actual buns and updos were a bit too much for my scalp at that age.

If she can handle updos though, how about spin pins or a french twist with those small plastic pins?

[Quasiquixotic]

So I've been trying Cones in her hair. Oh my word, night and day. I can comb it! It doesn't knot as much. Yes she loses some curl, but I'm so okay with that if it means she isn't crying every time I pick up a comb!

[divinedobbie]

That's great news! :D

[ooglipoo]

Super! I do cones with my girl, too. Aussie brand stuff works well for her. What did you try? Sometime we even break out the coney serum...

[Quasiquixotic]

First I tried Aubree Organics because it was what I had stashed at my grandmother's place. But I used Dove conditioner last night and :magic: I didn't even put her hair up to sleep and (fellow curlies - look away) I could brush her hair out this monring to do a top knot braided bun.

[ooglipoo]

Oh, yeah. That Dove worked great, too. I forgot about that stuff! Glad you found something that works. :D

[Hootenanny]

Great news, Quasi! I'm inordinately happy when curly-haired problems are solved. :lol: