PDA

View Full Version : People telling me to cut my hair



Estrid
August 9th, 2014, 09:46 AM
Hello everyone!

I would have had long hair years ago if I hadn't had so much negative feedback from the people around me, telling me to chop my hair off. It is my fault that I eventually did it every time but I am quite sure that I wouldn't have done it if I didn't hear how "good I look with short hair" all the time :/

Mostly it is my mother who starts talking about cutting my hair when it reach a certain length (this one, just at the shoulders, my hair is quite thick, has alot of volume/body and it looks the most awkward at this length). She pulls out pictures of "how good I looked with a short pixie", and goes on about it every now and then. But it's not just my mother, the female friends that I have had (and have) are also overly supportive about getting me to cut off my hair. I have always ended up cutting my hair after a while, a result of me turning their opinions into a little voice in my head saying: "I want to do it".

How do you all deal with people telling you to cut your hair? How do you avoid taking in the option and considering it? My hair is not long right now and I dislike this length, which usually means that I am more prone to just cut it off one day which I know I would regret.

Johannah
August 9th, 2014, 10:02 AM
It's your hair and you should not listen to somebody else and do thing you will regret. In the end, it's all about making YOURSELF happy, not somebody else! :blossom:

That said, I know what you mean. If I told people I wanted to grow my hair until my hip, they started laughing with me. It doesn't 'fit' in this society and peoples reactions can be really mean sometimes. What helped me to not cut my hair, was watching other peoples pictures (yay for this forum!). I also made an account on tumblr to see long hair pictures and positive quotes. Surround yourself with positive thoughts. If someone gives critiques on your hair and wants you to cut it, tell them it's your decision and you won't change your mind and start talking about something else. Eventually they'll stop. At this point, I feed myself with negativity. If people tell me to cut my hair, I want to grow it even longer ;)

And yes, APL hair definitely is a weird stage IMO. I had APL hair when I started growing my hair long. It's too long to wear it down because it gets in your eyes, too short for proper updo's. But when your hair grows, and it will, you can wear it up. It's all worth it in the end! I never thought I would get this far when I first started, and now the same people who used to laugh with me, give me compliments on my hair. You'll get there!

curlylocks85
August 9th, 2014, 10:03 AM
If someone tells me I should cut my hair to a pixie or just short in general. I tell them that I dislike shorter hair on myself and I prefer it long. I thank them for their opinion and do what makes ME happy. The awkward lengths are just something I accept. I tell myself it will grow and soon I will be beyond the awkwardness and I will be okay. :)

Majorane
August 9th, 2014, 10:21 AM
I feel your pain! I look great with a bob, and thus have bobbed my hair many a time when I was in the awkward stages. What helped me to stop doing that was: 1) use the two week rule. Wanna cut? Okay, I can. After two weeks of thinking about it. Aaaaand out the window the pre-PMS impulse cuts went!
2) I told my friends loud and clear that I wanted to grow my hair out long and that I rather have their help and support than their honest opinion of what looks nice on me. Which was very blunt. And also worked. I find that blunt works a charm, but then again most of my friends are as subtle as a brick through your windscreen.

Also, buy a pretty hairtoy you can grow into! I recently had a Wavering Moment, but looked at all my great faithful sticks and couldn't bear the thought of orphaning them.....

Hairitic
August 9th, 2014, 11:01 AM
Yup, "Thanks for your opinion." PERIOD. Then tell yourself that you WANT and WILL HAVE loooong hair regardless of others opinions because that is what YOU want and you DESERVE to have YOUR hair YOUR way. 'Nuf said? :p

Estrid
August 9th, 2014, 11:02 AM
Thanks for your answers :) And believe me, I have told them several times that I didn't like the pixie cut on me (the short haircut I usually cut to is a bob) and that I want to save my hair out. My mother usually nevermind what I say and bring it up again and again and again. I've ignored her for years without that behaviour stopping. I don't know why she is so against long hair on me, she got long hair (MBL/WL) herself! >_>

I joined this site to get some more motivation, to surround myself with happy thoughts about long hair :) I have never bought any hairtoy before and I am very unsure of how to put them in, but I guess that is something you learn when your hair is long enough, maybe I should buy one and put it on my nightstand as motivation :p

I don't like to tell people how long I want to grow my hair because every time I tell them I want to have long hair they just say: "well, shoulder length isn't that bad on you, you could keep that"... I want it to be atleast MBL, when I told them that they just frowned and changed topic. I don't know why they don't like the thought of long hair on me. Maybe I should just avoid the topic as much as possible with people around me.

Chromis
August 9th, 2014, 11:10 AM
I'd make sure not to bring the topic up at all. People are weird about random goals (be it hair or working out or saving for a vacation) and I find it is easier to not share them until after I have accomplished what I am after. Hair is an odd enough goal, that I would only share it with other LHC-type folks. Other people usually just don't get it.

You'll likely find that if you can power past the awkward length, the comments should slow down a lot! Especially once you are able to put it up (which was the most annoying thing about that sort of length to me, always in the way!) If you keep cutting though, you will always fall into that awkward trap at a certain point.

Firefox7275
August 9th, 2014, 11:17 AM
Broken record technique, repeat the same sentence WHATEVER is said, repeat repeat repeat. Don't make a defensive statement but an assertive one "I have decided to grow my hair out", "I do not want to discuss this" or "It is MY hair". You could even attack "why don't you lose weight", "you should shave your head".

Madora
August 9th, 2014, 11:24 AM
Thanks for your answers :) And believe me, I have told them several times that I didn't like the pixie cut on me (the short haircut I usually cut to is a bob) and that I want to save my hair out. My mother usually nevermind what I say and bring it up again and again and again. I've ignored her for years without that behaviour stopping. I don't know why she is so against long hair on me, she got long hair (MBL/WL) herself! >_>

I joined this site to get some more motivation, to surround myself with happy thoughts about long hair :) I have never bought any hairtoy before and I am very unsure of how to put them in, but I guess that is something you learn when your hair is long enough, maybe I should buy one and put it on my nightstand as motivation :p

I don't like to tell people how long I want to grow my hair because every time I tell them I want to have long hair they just say: "well, shoulder length isn't that bad on you, you could keep that"... I want it to be atleast MBL, when I told them that they just frowned and changed topic. I don't know why they don't like the thought of long hair on me. Maybe I should just avoid the topic as much as possible with people around me.

Estrid, repeat after me "It's MY hair. I can do what I want with it! I am not here to decorate your world!"

As for hair toys, nothing could be easier than a Flexi-8. I'm not much on hairtoys, but I did love the 2 I purchased. Here's a link: http://www.flexi8.com/

Estrid
August 9th, 2014, 11:44 AM
Haha! I don't think I could attack someone unless I dislike them alot xD But I will try to stand my ground a bit better, or well, I do already say it pretty clear, I am sure I don't sound in doubt about it, but I need to get a bit more strong with myself so that I don't walk around thinking about it afterwards. It is ultimately my own thoughts that have made me cut my hair.

Those flexi-8s are kinda pretty, thanks for the link! ^^ I am a bit more earthy as a person though, they look a bit too sparkly for me :p Is it harder to use hairtoys made out of wood? I remember seeing some in a store and falling in love, I regret I didn't buy any :(

StellaKatherine
August 9th, 2014, 11:58 AM
I had this too.. I cut almost classic length hair to APL because everyone was saying how I was TOO old for long hair (I was in my late 20s). How I should FINALLY have a REAL hair cut. They say if you tell a child every day, that he/she is stupid - with time the child will believe so as well. I think, that is how it is with hearing about needing a cut. Now I am growing my hair again, but not anymore hearing about needing to cut my hair. You know why ? I now know much more hairstyles for my long and know how to take care of it. I think my mom was the most annoyed by my simple english braid that I was wearing ALWAYS! After I started experimenting with hair toys and styles I even got my mom LIKING my bun photo on the facebook and she even said it was beautiful!!! HA! So I would suggest for you to learn styles that work with your length and get some hair toys. I am sure the attitudes will be changing around you and even if not.... You will enjoy your hair more , I promise that! Good luck! :flowers:

StellaKatherine
August 9th, 2014, 12:03 PM
I wear a lot of wooden hair toys and I think they are easy to wear!

Actually as you have no hair toys. You should join the RAOK list here -----> http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=124665 It is the place where those girls who want to gift something to someone who has not much of hair toys - can do so! You might get something there and try out :)

Chalky
August 9th, 2014, 12:17 PM
I get the same from my dad :shake: Ever since I started wearing it up most of the time and always wearing it up around the house I guess he is not reminded to bother me with those silly questions :lol:
It's great that you joined this awesome community! Reading post here helped me a lot and I'm sure it will be the same for you! You could start tracking how your hair growth here on the website and that will definitely make you not want to cut your hair ever again :)

Estrid
August 9th, 2014, 01:03 PM
Thank you all for your answers :) I think it will get alot easier when my hair is a bit longer, like apl, because then the awkward length issues would be gone.

At the moment I can't do much with my hair, a ponytail I can manage if I use bobby pins... but most other things that I have tried my hair is either too short or too thick for :/

chen bao jun
August 9th, 2014, 01:04 PM
Take it as a compliment that people say you look good in short hair. A lot of people don't look good in pixies.
But tell people, if they bring it up, thanks, I'm glad you liked it, but I want to experiment with another look for a while. After all, I can always cut it if I don't like it!
Don't bring the subject up yourself.
Its true that a lot of people end up liking things after advising you against. A lot of people just don't like change and if you've always looked a certain way, they've become comfortable with that.
My mom has been very supportive about me growing my hair long now (that I can take care of it and she doesn't have to. she didn't like to, it's thick). But my husband has been a bit difficult. He kept saying he didn't care what length but that he hated the buns which make me look (quote) 'like an old lady'. This has been going on for two years. However, we went out yesterday and he made a point to say that I looked really, really pretty 'even in that bun.'
I'll take it.

Estrid
August 9th, 2014, 01:16 PM
I guess it is a compliment, but I really didn't like how I looked in it so to me it's just weird :D I rarely bring up the topic, but I got into it today without thinking about it because a friend had cut her hair. I guess it will be as it is, maybe they will stop when my hair is longer and look better or maybe they will try even harder to make me cut it off x) I will just try my best to ignore it and just let my hair grow.

truepeacenik
August 9th, 2014, 01:17 PM
I looked just fine with mid back hair, and one close to pixie looking shag. Doesn't mean I don't look fine now.

It's my hair. I maintain it, pay for the potions and accoutrements, deal with fall out if it violates work dress codes or whatever.

People can have opinions.
They are like armpits, everyone has a couple and the generally stink. ;)

MINAKO
August 9th, 2014, 01:22 PM
What Johanna said, seek the positivity of the thing you genuinely like the most and your fascination of others long hair will reflect back on you and enable you to keep going. Well, i guess you are in good hands now that you came here. Welcome to LHC! :) :flower:

spidermom
August 9th, 2014, 03:01 PM
"The subject of my hair is closed. Period."

lapushka
August 9th, 2014, 03:34 PM
If someone tells you you look better with short hair, there comes doubt. I know this all too well. The thing is not to doubt yourself and to harden yourself against that sort of thing. Tell yourself you look better with long hair, and that you're growing it out, and tell people who try and interfere that too. I have to agree with Johannah. It's your hair, and you'll do with it what you want!

RoseofCimarron
August 9th, 2014, 04:22 PM
Oh, I hate it when people do this! I totally understand how you are feeling, sending you internet hugs. :grouphug:

Like others are saying, remember that your hair is YOUR hair, nobody else's. It took me eight years and a 14-16 inch chop to realize that. When I had almost-knee-length hair people were always telling me to either cut it shorter or to never cut it. When I did cut it back to tailbone hardly anyone was happy with it (except me!), and I learned not to listen to other people and do what I want (I also learned who my real friends were, because so many shunned me :rolleyes:). Just do what makes you happiest, and when your hair is at a length that you like, it looks perfect on you. :blossom:

allycat
August 9th, 2014, 04:27 PM
I'm always amazed that people get pressured by others about their appearance. I must have a "don't mess with me" face. If someone did that I would pause, and with my quietest, most menacing look, say "My hair? is not open for discussion."

:cool:

LongCurlyTress
August 9th, 2014, 04:55 PM
If I just tell people, "I like my hair long! It makes me feel pretty!" Or "I love my hair long!" Most of the time, this shuts them up. :guns::pins::draw::horse::hollie:

Sarahlabyrinth
August 9th, 2014, 05:10 PM
I get where you are coming from. My family were forever telling me to cut my hair short, saying that it doesn't suit me, that I'm too old for long hair, that I look like a hippie or a witch with it long, plus it will get all tatty and full of split ends. They even used to pull out old photos of me with a short bob and say that I used to look so wonderful like that, and didn't I think I should have my hair like that again and that I would look so pretty like that? Well, BLECH!!! I just repeated that it was my hair and I would rather have it long than short.

I was out with my mum last week, she saw my hair loose (it is almost hip length) and said that it was looking really pretty and long and that I should wear it loose more often. She was the one who told me every time she saw me that long hair looks bad on me....

You know, if you just keep your hair up around those people they won't be as tempted to tell you to cut it off...

lapushka
August 9th, 2014, 05:21 PM
You know, if you just keep your hair up around those people they won't be as tempted to tell you to cut it off...

This. ^^ Very much so. It might be a good idea to "hide" it like that. I wear mine up 6 days out of 7, more for convenience sake than anything else, but it works. Nobody thinks anything of it.

Firefox7275
August 9th, 2014, 05:57 PM
I had this too.. I cut almost classic length hair to APL because everyone was saying how I was TOO old for long hair (I was in my late 20s). How I should FINALLY have a REAL hair cut. They say if you tell a child every day, that he/she is stupid - with time the child will believe so as well. I think, that is how it is with hearing about needing a cut. Now I am growing my hair again, but not anymore hearing about needing to cut my hair. You know why ? I now know much more hairstyles for my long and know how to take care of it. I think my mom was the most annoyed by my simple english braid that I was wearing ALWAYS! After I started experimenting with hair toys and styles I even got my mom LIKING my bun photo on the facebook and she even said it was beautiful!!! HA! So I would suggest for you to learn styles that work with your length and get some hair toys. I am sure the attitudes will be changing around you and even if not.... You will enjoy your hair more , I promise that! Good luck! :flowers:

Your post made me smile, think you for sharing!

molljo
August 9th, 2014, 06:37 PM
Everyone's given you great advice with how to deal with the people who tell you to cut, but not so much with sticking to your goal of not listening to them. I was a compulsive chopper for *years* and what's helped me the most when I get the itch to cut it all off I go through the growth threads and read through, watching/reading about people's growth journeys. You'll find that so many people before you have been through awkward stages, have experienced the frustration at not being able to put it up or feeling like it's not worth it to grow it out, etc., but then you see that a few months later their hair grew, and suddenly it looks better, and they can do this or that with it. It's such a blessing that this community has been around for so long, because you can follow members' journeys from very short to very long, and it's so helpful and inspiring.

Nellon
August 9th, 2014, 06:45 PM
Estrid: I find it so sad that the people around you who should be supportive of your wishes and goals are instead sabotageing them. Now, that's not being a good friend, imo. Hope you find some nicer more supportive people to hang out with also sometimes :) Negative people are not good for our health and self image.

Caraid♫
August 9th, 2014, 08:25 PM
It's kind of fun to defy people sometimes if you think about it! :laugh:
seriously though, long hair forums are great, because you get a chance to talk about hair as much as you want and so much inspiration and encouragement that you dont always get from the real world on the subject. I've been told I should do a pixie too! I just said "mmmm... nah I don't think I'd like that" -there's not much they can argue with there! I've also told people I can't cut it, I'm conducting a long hair experiment to see how far it'll grow (not true since my goal isn't terminal, but whatever) :lol:

Estrid
August 10th, 2014, 01:16 AM
Thank you all for your answers ^^ They help a lot!

I definitely think this forum will give me the motivation I need, everyone got so long pretty hair in here :p What other people say probably won't affect me as much now that I know what I am going for, before it has just been "longer hair" which is not the most clear goal. Now when I see that there are different stages to it it will be fun to reach a new length, first goal will be apl and that will take a year, but I'm looking forward to it :)

fiğrildi
August 10th, 2014, 06:24 AM
Thank you all for your answers ^^ They help a lot!

I definitely think this forum will give me the motivation I need, everyone got so long pretty hair in here :p What other people say probably won't affect me as much now that I know what I am going for, before it has just been "longer hair" which is not the most clear goal. Now when I see that there are different stages to it it will be fun to reach a new length, first goal will be apl and that will take a year, but I'm looking forward to it :)

Indeed, I'm sure that here you'll get all the motivation and positive comments you need! Because we love long hair in here! :wink:
Wishing you a happy growing! If you reach APL, you'll see how easy it is to keep growing longer and longer. And just like others said, just don't pay attention to people around you telling you to cut your hair... it's not their business :flower: