Thin ends are not always damaged! *rant*

[Siowiel]

Sorry, this is going to be a rant.

I have rather thin fairy tale ends because I decided I want to see how my hair looks if it is left to its own devices, because, well, I prefer a natural look even if I put a lot of work in my appearance, but I don't want it to show, so I also do not want my hair to look like I get it cut/styled frequently. Nothing wrong with doing it differently, but that's just my preference.
I do take good care of it and have little split ends (I think most people have the odd split end - after having reached a certain length, it gets difficult to be split-free...), and I snip those I see.

Yet many people insist on telling me I HAVE to cut my ends because they are oh-so-damaged. My family is especially diligent in reminding me to get a cut. And it is totally useless to try and explain the difference between damaged hair, thin hair, bluntly cut hair and uncut hair with fairy tale ends.

It seems this is no phenomenon only I experience, under nearly every youtube video showing long hair that's not super thick, there is at least one comment saying "OMG all that damage, you NEED to cut!".
It's also irksome to me that media/society dictate ONE standard of beauty, and being different from that is met with criticism, and this unreflected criticism is harmful in itself, I think, especially to young people.

So... I know there's nothing I can do about it, and it shouldn't get to me, but I do take pride in my hair (A certain amount of vanity in women is normal - right?), so it does hurt me a little bit when people tell me my hair is split/damaged/looks bad. So I just needed to vent!

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I know just how you feel - my sister (a hairdresser) told me I NEEDED to cut all my split ends off - yet I didn't HAVE any - but there was no convincing her! (sigh). So you are not alone in this.

[Zebra Fish]

I'm there with you. I had a deep V cut that I let grow, so imagine the fairy tale ends there. I keep it up most of the time, and I explained my bf what I am doing with hair and he loves it the way it is. I am slightly maintaining now with a straight across cut of 1cm every 1,5 months to thicken the hemline just a bit so I can do braids and the tassel doesn't have to be 20cm long or that the braid doesn't end so thin I dunno with what to tie it with. But that's the only thing that bothers ME. But my friends (not all), relatives and mum... being a pain, so I just keep it up around them. Last weekend I visited my mum and she told me to let my hair down for once as it suits me nice like that - I looked towards bf and we stared at each other for half a minute in disbelief :p I was kind of certain that she told someone else to say about me cutting my hair at that point (yeah I know I sound paranoid xD) but it didn't happen. Still ain't certain what that meant.

I think is the point that people don't know anymore what natural hair looks like. They think it grows equally. Actually, I think most don't pay attentions to that and just comment it "in the way" and don't even think that it could bother or hurt someone.


Yet many people insist on telling me I HAVE to cut my ends because they are oh-so-damaged. My family is especially diligent in reminding me to get a cut. And it is totally useless to try and explain the difference between damaged hair, thin hair, bluntly cut hair and uncut hair with fairy tale ends.

I know this -.- I don't know why all think they know better what I want with my hair. At first I would comment or explain or get mad. Now, mostly when someone says that, I say: I will cut it at the end of the summer (as it is common idea you have to cut more hair after summer coz of summer damage). If it's winter I say: I will cut it before summer so it is easier for me through summer. Only if someone shows more interest in hair care I explain something else.

Ok, so I just did a rant with you :p

[Teufelchen]

Siowiel,

I am totally with you on that, I also have rather thin FTE. I grew it from a deep V-shape and had some episodes of hair loss, which didn't help either.

I also occasionally rant about it, but that does not make it better. I have additionally the problem that my hair has no natural volume. So it is called to thin to grow by most people, even though I am above average in overall thickness.

Just keep your hair the way you like it. I keep it that way and it helps a lot.

[cathair]

I'm sorry, that really sucks :( :grouphug: Some people are just conditioned to think that any amount of taper or thinning means spit ends. I think some people just think any hair over a certain length is damaged. How could anyone think your hair damaged Sarahlabyrinth? You have an amazingly blunt hemline.

I've tried many tactics to make people stop. Explaining, asking them to show me which ends are split, going on in a really long winded way about hair grows (sometimes that one works. Not because they believe me, just because they want me to shut up), pointing out how their hair is unhealthy. None of it works effectively.

It's easier said than done, but you know you are right, those people are ignorant. Try to have confidence in your own decision and ignore them.

If all else fails, Depeche Mode, People are People always cheers me up :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzGnX-MbYE4

[lapushka]

My mom keeps telling me my hair will be thicker when it's cut (which is true, it thins out the longer it gets). Other than that, I get no comments on it, really, so I'm happy about that.

I do hate that most people can't distinguish between true split ends and FT ends.

[spidermom]

I think it's rude that people constantly feel the need to tell you that you look bad. Grrrrrrr; makes me mad!

[Chromis]

I think it's rude that people constantly feel the need to tell you that you look bad. Grrrrrrr; makes me mad!

Quoted for truth!

I do have plenty of split ends, but most of them are not in my hemline, they are somewhere in the middle. It's a good thing I like to wear my hair up, otherwise I'd be fending off a lot of these comments. At knee-length you can imagine I am quite a bit thinner at the ends than the top!

[emilia1992]

Ignore it :)

They're just talking without really thinking - can you imagine if LHCers went up to people with short hair and said, 'Oh my word, your hair is so blunt, and short, and blatantly trimmed. You NEED to grow it out.'?

That would sound ridiculous, and the person spoken to would probably just laugh (and shuffle away from the speaker discreetly). Same course of action needs to be taken here: they criticise because they don't understand what you want for yourself.

[tetisheri72]

My mother thinks I should cut my hair shorter. She thinks I should have it no longer than waist. About 18 months ago, before I learned about taper and all, I went for a trim. I ended up losing 6 inches. I went from hip to waist. I was devastated. The hair wasn't unhealthy, it was all fairy tale ends. (Which I didn't know about then) My mom kept telling me how much better it looked, and how getting rid of all the scraggly ends was good. And how all those ends meant my hair was unhealthy. Gah! Then I started lurking around here, and realized that it was normal for hair to do that.

She and I had a conversation when she told me she wasn't going to get me hair toys for my birthday. She told me that I obviously liked sticks and forks. I explained yeah, I do. I love my hair, and I am proud of it. I may not go out of the house every day, but I put my hair up every day. And I love having pretty things for my hair. Now we just don't talk about my length. In fact, I am pretty sure she doesn't know how long it is. She hasn't seen it down in nearly a year.

[Rosetta]

Some people are just conditioned to think that any amount of taper or thinning means spit ends. I think some people just think any hair over a certain length is damaged.
Unfortunately, I think that goes for nearly ALL people, not just some... :( I've often noticed the same.

Actually, maybe I have some of that conditioning affecting me too, as I instinctively prefer a blunt cut, though my hair naturally grows in a V-shape... :oops: But I try my best to resist it!

[sparrowswing]

I think with the prevalence of hair extensions these days, most people don't know what hair is actually even supposed to look like anymore. And with people constantly damaging their hair to keep up with trends, they just assume any hair that doesn't look like whatever is in the heavily doctored shampoo ads must be horribly damaged. Your average person probably can't even identify a split end, and the general assumption seems to be that ends left uncut for a few weeks incur so much damage that they must be in awful shape no matter how they look.

I'm actually less annoyed by comments like these which are obviously a result of ignorance (though I'll admit I don't receive these as often as many of you) as the people who literally grab my hair and carefully inspect it hoping to find splits or damage as if to prove either that hair can't be as long as mine without being in bad shape or that I must have magical hair that doesn't take damage if I can grow to this length without it looking awful. Why is it so hard to explain that you have to actually take care of your hair if you want it long and healthy?

[AmberJewel]

I got into a "discussion" with my mom last night on this subject. She straightens her hair every day, has little splits and fried hairs popping out all the time, has to keep trimming off damage, etc. So I told her she needs to stop straightening it because it damage. She said no it doesn't, she uses the protection spray stuff. Then she goes off ranting about how my hair needs to be cut, is frizzy and has stringy ends, and would look better straight. I've tried explaining things before and it never works, so I just shut up and let the conversation die. Why can't people just LISTEN and use some COMMON SENSE?

[Katrine]

I'm so sorry you're hearing so much negative feedback about your hair, Siowiel. I have FTE's as well and have just begun to learn to appreciate them. It is a shame that our society puts so much pressure on women to wear their hair a certain way. I wear my hair up most of the time (unless I'm having a really good hair day) partly to avoid hearing comments like you mentioned. Although mostly to protect my ends and prevent tangles.

It's good you came here for support - you're definitely not alone! Just keep rocking those lovely FTE's! :)

[chen bao jun]

I really think this is half the problem with most hairdressers. They can't see your hair as healthy unless you have thick, blunt ends, so no matter what you say, they cut up to this point. The problem with this, if you're trying to grow is that some hair grows faster than the rest and the rest will catch up if you give it time, not if you keep chopping it off.
and the general public just accepts what they are used to seeing and thinks anything else is 'something wrong'. I swear, any time I've asked any non-LHCer for advice about anything hair related, the first thing out of their mouth is, 'when 's the last time you had a good haircut?"
Its pointless to cut my hair even, since its curly and by the next morning it's going to look uneven anyway. Leave me alone. Honestly.

[shutterpillar]

I get told the same thing if I have stopped trimming for a length of time. My hair is fine to top it all off, so it looks significantly wispy if left to it's own devices.

If someone opens that can of worms then I usually go into a spiel about my hair care routine, hair type, and thoroughly explain why they are relevant to my ends not being damaged, thus, typically leaving the critic to wish they hadn't opened their mouth in the first place.

[cosmic crusader]

Just yesterday, my best friend (a hair stylist) was telling me I am approaching terminal at barely waist because of all my split ends. WTF? I have so few actual splits. Because I've only let her trim 1/2" in the past two years, I think she assumes my fairytales/natural taper from S/D = splits. Negative! She also went on to point out to everyone how thin my hair is, even compressing the nape into a ponytail for visual proof when another friend protested, "it looks so thick to me!" /endrant Not going to stop me!

Edited to add: she suggested extensions as well. LOL

[queenovnight]

This reminds me of my sister, a hair stylist. She's obsessed with the blunt cut on long hair, and insists that I cut mine. But hey, it's my hair. I'll do what I want. I've just accepted that yeah, most people have a misconception when it comes to hair.. nothing we can do.

[Siowiel]

Thanks for all your support! That's probably (at least to me) the best part of this community, all the tips and tricks are very valuable, but the community is far more important, although I do not post much, reading is frequently enough to cheer me up.

Unfortunately, it seems I am REALLY not alone with this, sorry so many of you have to deal with this, too. It would actually be easier for me if non-family members confronted me about my hair, because I can give them appropriate comebacks like "Why don't you call your mother? I'm sure she's interested in your opinion...." or simply ask "Why do you say that? Do you think this is appropriate/funny/helpful?". I use this last sentence also on people who harass me when I'm out running, unfortunately, it happens to me at least once a week that somebody calls after me with things like "Run, sweety, run faster!"/"Just five more rounds!" etc. and it is surprisingly effective, because obviously, most people think it IS funny... yeah... not. But family can't be shut up in this manner.

In the end, we have to decide upon our own standards of beauty.





If all else fails, Depeche Mode, People are People always cheers me up :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzGnX-MbYE4

Thanks cathair, that song is really good, and it reminded me, there's a German popsong, which deals with the problem of people gossiping. The English translation of the lyrics has some mistakes, but they are not distorting the meaning:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BadvUZNhZfI

[Beezle]

Thanks cathair, that song is really good, and it reminded me, there's a German popsong, which deals with the problem of people gossiping. The English translation of the lyrics has some mistakes, but they are not distorting the meaning:

Siowiel - Perfect lyrics for your situation and many other occasions that we get criticised. I often over-react to interference and it never helps. I am then just labelled as bad tempered, probably because I "need" a haircut! :rolleyes:

[cathair]

Thanks cathair, that song is really good, and it reminded me, there's a German popsong, which deals with the problem of people gossiping. The English translation of the lyrics has some mistakes, but they are not distorting the meaning:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BadvUZNhZfI

That song is fantastic! I love it :D It's even more relevant than the one I posted. Thanks for sharing it :)

[Shibe]

Just yesterday, my best friend (a hair stylist) was telling me I am approaching terminal at barely waist because of all my split ends. WTF? I have so few actual splits. Because I've only let her trim 1/2" in the past two years, I think she assumes my fairytales/natural taper from S/D = splits. Negative! She also went on to point out to everyone how thin my hair is, even compressing the nape into a ponytail for visual proof when another friend protested, "it looks so thick to me!" /endrant Not going to stop me!

Edited to add: she suggested extensions as well. LOL

Someone who does that to me would not be considered my best friend :-/

[cathair]

Just yesterday, my best friend (a hair stylist) was telling me I am approaching terminal at barely waist because of all my split ends. WTF? I have so few actual splits. Because I've only let her trim 1/2" in the past two years, I think she assumes my fairytales/natural taper from S/D = splits. Negative! She also went on to point out to everyone how thin my hair is, even compressing the nape into a ponytail for visual proof when another friend protested, "it looks so thick to me!" /endrant Not going to stop me!

Edited to add: she suggested extensions as well. LOL

Missed this post... I had a hairdresser tell me I was at terminal just past shoulder when I was about 18. That were where I first learned there was such thing as a terminal length. I assumed she knew what she was talking about because she was more advanced in years. Yet here I past hip *mentally flips that hairdresser off*.

[Mya]

All of that fuss about FT ends, and when you go to the hairdresser these days it's all about layered haircuts, which look like the same. I don't understand.

[Symbiotek]

I get that so often too, especially from my mom. Apparently my hair looks dry and damaged to her, even if my hairdresser had told me quite the opposite the day before. It's so nice when people who've had short hair all their lives start a rant on how to tend your long hair :D Yeah, I know they usually don't mean to insult or anything, but it gets so annoying after hearing the same thing all the time. Yes, mom, I have thin ends. No mom, I will not get layers because of that.

[LongHairLesbian]

All of that fuss about FT ends, and when you go to the hairdresser these days it's all about layered haircuts, which look like the same. I don't understand.

This. Hair dressers are always looking to give you layers, whether it's to give you more "body and movement" (more like stringy and damaged looking unless you heat style it every day) or to take the "bulk" out of your hair. However way they put it, they are essentially thinning out your hair at the ends. Somehow this is okay, but ends that naturally thin out are unacceptable. :confused: I think part of the problem is that people have been conditioned to believe that going to the hairdresser's regularly is absolutely essential, like going to the dentist or something. Maintaining regular cuts, colours, perms, etc. is part of a lot of people's regular schedule to keep their hair looking good. And most hairdressers will tell their clients that they need to trim very regularly in order to have healthy hair. When someone who goes to the hairdresser's every couple of months hears about someone who doesn't go at all/prefers to go rarely, doesn't even trim, they freak out because it goes against everything they've been told by the people they trust with their hair. FTE are a sign that you have let your hair actually grow, and you are "supposed" to trim every 8 weeks! Whatever. Let them do their thing, and you do yours. If they prefer to maintain a short length and trim regularly, that's their decision, but they don't get a say in yours. I might not particularly like shorter hair, but that doesn't mean that I am going to tell people to make a decision that would make me happy and them miserable.

[Red'N'Curly]

Wow. Just wow. I would go absolutely ballistic if friends and family tried to tell me what to do with my hair, especially if it happened routinely. My dad used to be all over my case telling me I needed to wear makeup, wash and brush my hair every day (with curls gah), even shave my legs. I finally had to tell him I didn't care if he chose to see me as ugly, and that it was none of his business. I was going to do what I wanted with my appearance and he could either choose to see me as his beautiful daughter, or think I'm ugly. But he needed to lay off.

[wool]

I have a natural V shape in my hair as well and though i thought id been gentle with it for the past few years since I've been growing it i have been looking at all the blunt cut ends and thought mine was damaged at the bottom. Though the top layer ends are a little more scraggly than the under layers it doesn't look too unhealthy if you look at the ends close up Im at a crossroads though because idk what to do since it is such a deep v and I'm not sure if it is damaged or not on my top layer and i long for a thick blunt hemline!

[Creagan]

I had a conversation with my little sister like this just a couple of days ago. I commented that I was thinking of having my hair trimmed a little bit. She immediately stated that I should cut my hair as soon as possible, because the "ends are really split-endy and gross."

I wanted to have my hair trimmed because the right side of my hair grows much faster than the left and right now it's pretty uneven. The ends of my hair aren't split-endy and gross at all. If I want to find a split end, I have to carefully hunt through my hair for like five minutes. My mom couldn't find a single one the last time she looked, even in my no-longer-bangs which haven't been trimmed in two and a half years.

The same sister really wants me to let her curl my hair, which apparently wouldn't damage it at all because she'd "use a heat protectant." She flatirons her hair daily, occasionally curls it, gets it bleached blond monthly, and sees "no damage" from that because she's "careful." Meanwhile, I have seen her shampoos in our shared bathroom gradually go from the DHS Clear I use to "nourishing" to "repairs damaged hair" to "restores destroyed hair."

The bottles actually say that.

[maegalcarwen]

I got into a "discussion" with my mom last night on this subject. She straightens her hair every day, has little splits and fried hairs popping out all the time, has to keep trimming off damage, etc. So I told her she needs to stop straightening it because it damage. She said no it doesn't, she uses the protection spray stuff. Then she goes off ranting about how my hair needs to be cut, is frizzy and has stringy ends, and would look better straight. I've tried explaining things before and it never works, so I just shut up and let the conversation die. Why can't people just LISTEN and use some COMMON SENSE?

Oh I know its from the 7th of August, but I JUST HAD TO SAY THAT I FACE THIS EVERY-SINGLE-DAY ( when I go out of the house). I have 2b/c, coarse and frizzy hair, and until recently I didn't really find a way of trimming it. I think my Mom tried her best when I was a kid, but since her hair was short back then, she didn't really know better. This changed though, I am so happy that nowadays we can share hair care tips, oils and stuff, she even takes my hair pictures sometimes and comforts me after my yearly hairdresser disaster:crush: Just to add to the "my hair and my mother" discussion here.

But anyway, YES! Why can't straight haired people understand that some hair is just curly? And not the curling-iron curly, what everybody in this cat does now, but naturally curly? Why do they see the "handling" or "taking care" in straightening?! I always tell them the story of me straightening it when I was a teen, and that it caused damage and I had to cut it off, and they seem so surprised... You know, I kinda gave up on this whole "explain my hair" stuff.

At least people always find me easily because of my hair:DD