PDA

View Full Version : Have you encountered jealousy of your long hair



longhairvixen
August 2nd, 2014, 09:26 PM
Have you dealt with women jealous of your hair? I had a Scissor happy hair dresser when i was a freshman. may hair wasnt that long. it was waist length, i asked her to cut it half an inch, and showed her with my finger but she butchered my hair up to my shoulder. i looked like dora the explorer :sad:sad chinese lady was just jealous. after that i learnt to cut my own hair.
I
anyone dealt with jealous by a scissor-happy hair dresser, or a friend who insisted to cut your hair short? What about people assuming you wear a weave or extensions? I've dealt with girls like that too.

queenovnight
August 2nd, 2014, 09:35 PM
I wouldn't say that I've dealt with jealous people, but maybe just people that weren't fond of long hair. For instance, my sister is forever telling me to cut my hair. I also went for a salon visit when I was quite young and the hair dresser cut off about 5" of my hair - My hair wasn't suppose to be cut. I came in for a relaxer, not a hair cut. So, she cut my hair without permission. I was too young to stop her, but when my mother realized what had happened (my aunt took me to the hair dresser) she pitched a massive fit.

woodswanderer
August 2nd, 2014, 09:41 PM
I've had people ask me if my hair was all real, but no one has ever tried to sabotage my hair in any way. People have tried to convince me to cut it off saying I should donate to Locks of Love, but that seems to be well intentioned. They all seem to act like I probably haven't heard of Locks of Love and I need to be informed. I haven't had much jealousy that was expressed to me in a mean way. I've had people say that they wished they had my hair, but it was in a complimentary way. I can only think of two instances in my whole life when someone expressed jealousy in a mean way.

Shibe
August 2nd, 2014, 10:04 PM
I'm sorry for what she did to your hair, but I don't see what her ethnicity has to do with it

longhairvixen
August 2nd, 2014, 10:09 PM
locks of love is actually bad. they use them to sell to wig companies! the poor cancer patients dont even get the hair

aztecangel
August 2nd, 2014, 10:13 PM
I've never experienced anything like that. No one has ever told me to cut my hair, or made comments about my hair in general other than compliments. I have had hairdressers mess up my hair on more than one occasion though. The fear of that happening became so strong that I eventually found seeing a hairdresser was too stressful (not to mention insanely expensive) to be worth it. I've been cutting my own hair for years now, and it looks better than any time I had it done professionally.

What the hairdresser did to you is seriously crazy... I don't get how that happened. Didn't you see her moving her scissors to cut it off so high up? Why didn't you stop her??? Ahhh that sounds so traumatic. Jeez. I'm so sorry that happened. :(

Shibe
August 2nd, 2014, 10:14 PM
I would definitely notice myself if the dresser had her hands that high up my length, for sure!

Shibe
August 2nd, 2014, 10:16 PM
locks of love is actually bad. they use them to sell to wig companies! the poor cancer patients dont even get the hair

We are all very aware of LoL ;)

longhairvixen
August 2nd, 2014, 10:18 PM
she turned me around! so i couldnt see. and she didnt just cut it short out of no where. she went inch by inch up and up. im a senior in high school, 3 years have gone by and i have my waist length hair hehe

Larki
August 2nd, 2014, 10:19 PM
If anyone is jealous of my hair, they're too polite to be rude about it. :p The most I've gotten is a few pointed comments from people who dislike long hair in general: "How long are you going to let your hair get?" "When will you cut it?" etc.

Alaska98
August 2nd, 2014, 10:41 PM
I have really bad eyes, and the hair dressers always make me take my glasses off. I have NEVER seen them cut my hair lol

molljo
August 2nd, 2014, 10:49 PM
I don't think jealousy has much to do with people saying rude things about hair. Lots of people dislike long hair in general, so the "you should cut your hair" is meant on their parts as being helpful. Others want to hurt you, and they pick on your long hair because it's an obvious and easy target. Still others simply don't appreciate people diverging from the norm, and they want you to conform.

Hairdressers have no reason to act out of jealousy. Their clients are their paychecks. Some of them are just terrible at their jobs and/or have garbage listening skills.

Wildcat Diva
August 2nd, 2014, 11:01 PM
Yeah, plus jealousy is an emotion that the other person would be feeling, so how would you know that was a motivating factor unless they told you. There are many other factors it could be to motivate such behavior.

MINAKO
August 2nd, 2014, 11:47 PM
I'm sorry for what she did to your hair, but I don't see what her ethnicity has to do with it

Same initial thought :confused: ;)

My cousin hates my hair, because she never learned to properly care for it.When we were kinds mine was short, like abouve shoulder, and hers was waist and always in two braids, once she cut it at the beginning of puberty it never came back, while i did grow mine longer and longer. Both outhairtypes considerably changeddue to genetics and handling and i think i ended upwith the nicer head of hair. Shes not trying to wreck my hair but finds other things about me to mention in a negative way. SO thats my "payback" i guess, lol.
Ionce went to a hairdresser who had much thicker and curlier hair than myself and it was down to her bum, so i was under the impression she'd know what to do... ended up with different legths on both sides, like a whopping 3-4 inch difference, i mean... Helloooh! :rolleyes:

If somebody would dare to cut my hair without me asking for it at all, i couldn't guarantee for myself not to ram my sharpest hairstick between their ribs. That's really a line no one should cross! http://smiley.nowdararpour.ir/evilgrin/14.gif

CrazyGrace
August 3rd, 2014, 01:44 AM
I've actually never been to a salon for this reason. When my older sister was 8, our aunt took her to get her hair curled for a wedding, and several days later when it relaxed out, her hair was about 3 inches shorter. I now have a friend who is a stylist. She keeps asking when I'm going to come in* and let her do a deep conditioning, but between that story and trying to wean my hair off of products, I'm mildly terrified.

I've never had anyone say anything deliberately mean about my hair, but well meaning people do like to give unsolicited advice.

*She is a friend. She has worked with mutual friends with more hair than me. She is perfectly trustworthy, and I feel bad about not being able to let her do it. It is just the salon thing. If she came to my house or something, I'd probably be fine.

Shibe
August 3rd, 2014, 03:14 AM
Whenever I would go to a salon with an ex to get his hair cut, they would always try to pressure me to trim 'just a few inches off'


meh.

Shibe
August 3rd, 2014, 03:19 AM
Whenever I would go to a salon with an ex to get his hair cut, they would always try to pressure me to trim 'just a few inches off'


meh.

martyna_22
August 3rd, 2014, 05:27 AM
My roomate would criticize long hair of other girls in front of me.. didn't mention mine, though. A mutual friend of ours once cut her waist+ hair to collarbone and everybody was disappointed but my roomate felt strangely pleased...

GrowingOut
August 3rd, 2014, 06:13 AM
locks of love is actually bad. they use them to sell to wig companies! the poor cancer patients dont even get the hair

I think Locks of Love doesn't even go to cancer, it goes to Alopecia mostly.

peachyleshy
August 3rd, 2014, 08:12 AM
Not jealous of my hair :/. But I've been jealous of others around me who have longer hair. :(

Johannah
August 3rd, 2014, 09:05 AM
People haven't seen me with my hair down because I wear it up, so no, they're not jealous. ;)

aztecangel
August 3rd, 2014, 05:17 PM
I had no idea so many people disliked long hair! I used to have short hair in my teens/20s, and all I'd ever heard from guys was how gorgeous long hair is on women, and "would I ever consider growing mine longer". Seemed like all the girls I knew were always jealous of women with long, beautiful hair. If there are people who hate it, I definitely think they are the minority.

jacqueline101
August 3rd, 2014, 06:08 PM
I wouldn't say that I've dealt with jealous people, but maybe just people that weren't fond of long hair. For instance, my sister is forever telling me to cut my hair. I also went for a salon visit when I was quite young and the hair dresser cut off about 5" of my hair - My hair wasn't suppose to be cut. I came in for a relaxer, not a hair cut. So, she cut my hair without permission. I was too young to stop her, but when my mother realized what had happened (my aunt took me to the hair dresser) she pitched a massive fit.

I've had unwanted hair cuts high lights and all. The time before the last time my ex now but my old man said there are jealous hair dressers who do this sort of thing.

swearnsue
August 3rd, 2014, 06:17 PM
I don't think anyone is jealous of my hair because it isn't that long yet and very thin. I hope someday to have long silver thud-worthy hair though!

I cut my own hair and spend the savings on hair toys!

Todd
August 3rd, 2014, 07:51 PM
she turned me around! so i couldnt see. and she didnt just cut it short out of no where. she went inch by inch up and up.

My mom tells a similar story - when she was young her mother used to cut her hair and she always did it super uneven - like one side would be several inches shorter than the other. Then she'd "notice" the difference and attempt to even it up by cutting the other side - until it too was several inches shorter than the other. And so on, and so on.

Shibe
August 3rd, 2014, 08:23 PM
Oh that is so so awful :-/

If her mom wanted the quickest way to destroy someones trust, that would do it.

Todd
August 3rd, 2014, 08:32 PM
It probably explains why she's so great when I ask her to trim mine. I ask for 1/2-inch, she cuts 1/2-inch. She's the best!

MINAKO
August 3rd, 2014, 09:02 PM
This thread reminds me of a video of a girl on YT. SHe has truly magnificent hair, like perfect perfect, almost classic, fairytail ends black silk.
Yet some b*tches in the comments have no other thing in mind but to tell her to "cut those split ends" WTF, there's no visible damage at all. I would kill for hair that sleek and shiny! x_x ...but it doesn't mean i would want others who have such to cut it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IV5chjDpXHo

Shibe
August 3rd, 2014, 09:22 PM
Now that comment is definitely jealousy.

Like someone who puts this much pride and care into their hair is going to walk around with a hemline full of splits!

AmberJewel
August 3rd, 2014, 10:19 PM
I think my mom might be jealous of my hair..? We were going to have a contest to see who could get to waist length the fastest, and I won because she kept "trimming" hers. She seemed a bit upset about it all, and now she keeps telling me to cut mine since the ends are fairytailed (she calls it dead ends). I also made the mistake of telling her once about oiling; she can't let that one die either. I don't know if it's jealousy or just ignorance about hair. Mom always cut my hair back up to shoulder length when I was little, but allowed my sister's to grow past classic. I never understood it. Thankfully, I'm old enough to make my own decisions now.

MINAKO
August 3rd, 2014, 10:20 PM
Now that comment is definitely jealousy.

Like someone who puts this much pride and care into their hair is going to walk around with a hemline full of splits!

There were quiet a few saying that, maybe one idiot repeating after the other. Makes me think that some people actually don't know what healthy, virgin, long hair REALLY looks like, cause all they might be used to is some sort of celebrity extensions/lacefront sh!t where it is pretty easy to have a super thick blunt hemline at any length (most still look artificial in a very bad way imho, but that's another story). So i'm wondering if this girls fairytale ends are subjectively percieved as splits or if they know its healthy hair and just put it that way because they cant stand her enjoying the fruits of her labour.

Ah, we keeps having these threads were comments are being discussed and in each and every one of them i find tiny little things that really makes me hate random people so much. I realize that with time i might pick up something as offensive that'S probably not ment to be, but there ARE a hell lot of ignorant or hypocritical morons out there within any social group imaginable... reaching as far as tothose who are actually supposed to make people more beautiful, like hairdressers. If she went for a trim there would be a good chance of coming out with only half of that gorgeous hair left, because you know "split ends", lol! Makes me angry! http://smiley.nowdararpour.ir/fighting/48.gif

Larki
August 3rd, 2014, 10:38 PM
Oh my gosh, Minako - that girl's hair is beyond amazing.

Sarahlabyrinth
August 3rd, 2014, 10:57 PM
You can bet your boots that the girl on that video wouldn't have any split ends, the way she looks after her hair. It wouldn't surprise me if she was an LHCer.

Even if she did have split ends, you would have to be really close to see them, and you just can't see from there...

I lived with one of my sisters for a while (she used to be a hairdresser) and one day she saw my hair down, my ends were slightly uneven and a tad wispy. She stared from across the room and said "You need to cut those split ends off." I replied that I don't have any split ends. She said "OF COURSE YOU HAVE SPLIT ENDS". I repeated that I didn't have any, that I check for them and if I found any I would trim them off myself. She harrumphed and walked off in a huff....

molljo
August 4th, 2014, 12:37 PM
You can bet your boots that the girl on that video wouldn't have any split ends, the way she looks after her hair. It wouldn't surprise me if she was an LHCer.

Even if she did have split ends, you would have to be really close to see them, and you just can't see from there...

I lived with one of my sisters for a while (she used to be a hairdresser) and one day she saw my hair down, my ends were slightly uneven and a tad wispy. She stared from across the room and said "You need to cut those split ends off." I replied that I don't have any split ends. She said "OF COURSE YOU HAVE SPLIT ENDS". I repeated that I didn't have any, that I check for them and if I found any I would trim them off myself. She harrumphed and walked off in a huff....

I think this illustrates the very real disconnect between LHCers and mainstream hair care. Things like taper and fairytale ends especially read as damage to the "outside world". So many people are so uneducated about hair or at the very least experiencing some cognitive dissonance that they truly believe that the only reason hair could be wispy or thinner at the bottom is because it broke off, even though hair clearly doesn't grow in a straight, uniform line.

As for Youtube comments, go to a video on literally any topic, and there will be comments talking trash about the video maker. Some people just enjoy being mean and tearing others down, and I'm not convinced jealousy has anything to do with it. The girl with the lovely hair is clearly proud of it, so it makes sense (in some people's cruel minds) to tell her to cut it off. To them, she's being vain and a showoff and is full of herself and needs to be taken down a peg.

chen bao jun
August 4th, 2014, 01:23 PM
I have never run into a jealous hairdresser. I have run into a lot of hairdressers who are too lazy to want to deal with a lot of hair and suggest cutting off for that reason. Lots of them are used to cycling short-haired women through quickly and don't want to deal with long hair or thick hair drying time, extra product needed, etc.
As for other women/girls being jealous of long hair, I have experienced that, yes, a lot when I was young, that is, a child and a teenager. The other girls used to routinely beat up, pick up, stick chewing gum in your hair, or even cut off a piece of hair anyone who had hair past shoulder length in the black community where I grew up 40 years ago. I believe this a lot less common now that hair weaves are ubiquitous. I hope it will become less common still as people get educated about hair and realize that having long hair is not the preserve of a just a selected few black women but that African hair types in general can grow their natural hair long with the right hair care techniques and some patience. Not that beating other people up because their hair is longer than yours is ever acceptable behavior, whether you think your hair can grow or not.
Even adult black women can be quite nasty about long hair. I don't think they do this to white or Asian women so much, as they feel that this is normal, but some (not everybody) seem to really resent other black women with hair length and the cattiness is incredible at times, I'm happy to give advice to people who say straight out, I wish my hair was like yours, but I don't like being put down.

chomsky
August 4th, 2014, 01:51 PM
My first experience at a hair dresser was at a afro-Caribbean one, the lady openly admitted that she was jealous of my hair, just past my waist, but she didn't cut an excess amount, she refused to cut it all together. I wanted a chin to neck length cut and she outright refused, just me a trim and sent me on my way.

At school it wasn't great though, a lot of 'weave' and 'extension' comments, which got worse as I moved up the years.

LongHairLesbian
August 4th, 2014, 02:31 PM
I've encountered some jealousy since my hair got past waist, but it's never been mean or catty. I don't see myself as being in competition with other women when it comes to looks, I would much rather praise and appreciate another woman's beauty than stew over it. And besides, usually when I tell a girl who is jealous of my hair that I literally never straighten or curl or blow dry or dye or hair spray or back comb or put a brush or comb to it if it's wet or damp, AND that I wear a bun or braid 6/7 days a week (7/7 days during the cold months!), they tend to look a lot less jealous, haha. Almost like, of course your hair is going to be in great condition if you never do anything "fun" to it. :P

Majorane
August 4th, 2014, 02:48 PM
I had one 'friend' when I was 11 who was copying me in everything and then putting me down, y'all know the kind, that kept commenting, in a mean way, on how my hair was greasy while it was not. Hindsight: My hair is fine and shiny, hers was coarse and not shiny. (she had lovely hair though, much thicker than mine-but not shiny). I felt so sirty for a long time and hairconscious.

I do get quite some hairpliments, have gotten them all my life (and my hair isn't long, IS badly split.... but shiny. I'm not humblebrsgging, it's just.... true. :confused:). And I know some collegues and one friend would love to have my hair. But I don't feel that's jealous? Like negative 'Ihateyou' jealous? That only happened once and she was jealous about EVERYTHING so it doesn't count.


I find it very very weird some of you receive all the flack because of hair..... some people are so petty!! Especially Chen's story about women beating each other up over good and bad hair. Unbelievable. So, so strange!

LongHairLesbian
August 4th, 2014, 02:55 PM
Chen mentioned how race is a factor in how your hair is perceived and how jealous or mean other people can be about your hair if it's long, and I think that's very true. I'm white, often perceived to be northern or eastern European, and have naturally straight hair. People assume that my genetics allow my hair to grow very long very easily, and for the most part they are correct. I'm never asked "how did you get your hair so long?" I'm told "You're so lucky" or asked "how long did it take?", because no one believes that I had to do anything in particular to my hair to get it to the length it's at. I've been asked a couple of times if my hair is all real/natural, and when I say yes, I'm not accused of lying, and no one just assumes that I use extensions or weaves. But my experience definitely isn't the experience of a lot of women of colour, because of a extremely nasty stereotypes that say certain textures are incapable of growing long, or that all black women use weaves or extensions, or that you HAVE to be "mixed" in order to retain any amount of length. The last person I dated had fairly long, 3c/4a natural hair that she had been growing out for a considerable amount of time. When we were on a date she said that she isn't mixed, but a lot of people just assume she is, because her hair is long and natural. At least some of those people were probably jealous, and looking to tear her down. :/

LauraLongLocks
August 4th, 2014, 03:54 PM
I had no idea so many people disliked long hair! I used to have short hair in my teens/20s, and all I'd ever heard from guys was how gorgeous long hair is on women, and "would I ever consider growing mine longer". Seemed like all the girls I knew were always jealous of women with long, beautiful hair. If there are people who hate it, I definitely think they are the minority.

There's actually a biological reason for it. At a primal level, what we find attractive in a mate has to do with their overall health and ability to reproduce. Since long hair is a record of good health for an extended period of time, most heterosexual men like long hair on women. We don't even realize it, because it's not part of our cognitive thought process. It's more like an instinctual attraction.

Maybe the jealousy that some women feel regarding other women's long hair is a competitiveness that breeds hate. I am only speculating here.

I had a hairdresser tell me from this photo that my hair needed trimmed because the ends were frayed. I don't know how one could even see whether the ends are frayed in this pic, but she said her it was her professional eyes. Really? Whatever.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Beauty/10572109_674118156010191_9220021431316573059_o.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Beauty/10572109_674118156010191_9220021431316573059_o.jpg .html)

shinyspoon3
August 4th, 2014, 03:56 PM
I think I may have experienced jealousy, but I didn't recognize it until another friend pointed it out to me. I'm still not sure that it is jealousy...

Friend A consistently rolls her eyes when someone compliments my hair, or if someone else asks me about hair care she immediately works to interrupt and change the subject, like it is the most boring topic of conversation possible. She also makes snarky comments about my pinterest board having hair stuff on it. Friend B is really good at braiding hair, and when I say things like, "Do whatever you want," friend A is sure to interject, "She doesn't care. She's not excited about braiding your hair." Then once, while friend B was braiding my hair, friend A joked that my hair looked like tentacles whipping around and attacking her.

I just assumed she didn't like long hair. Talking about hair can be kind of boring to a lot of people, so it's fine if she doesn't like the topic. Or maybe she thinks I'm vain about my hair and need to be taken down a peg. I don't think I am, but maybe it comes across that way. I don't know. Then friend B told me that friend A was just jealous because she can't grow her hair beyond shoulder length. I thought she liked her hair short because she goes to the salon every month to get it bleached and trimmed. When I said as much, friend B pointed out that she spent a ton of money on hair extensions for her wedding. Friend B may be right. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just friend A's personality.

meteor
August 4th, 2014, 04:20 PM
Chen, your story is so terribly sad. :( I do hope that kind of nasty behaviour goes away in all communities.
I have experienced what Chen described about hairdressers being openly upset about the amount of hair/product/time they have to deal with... I spent hundreds of dollars every single time I'd visit a salon and I still felt bad about having taken so much of their time with my hair. Also, that "guilt" made it hard to resist their attempts to thin my hair "to make it more manageable".. All of that ultimately taught me to avoid hair salons altogether.


I don't know if I've experienced jealousy per se, because of how things were worded. One lady I know, whenever she sees me, almost always asks: "Why do you have such long hair?" I say: "Because I like it long." And she keeps repeating: "But why??" But at the same time, she really wants to get extensions (though her own hair is naturally beautiful). I don't think it's jealousy, but maybe just a curious tendency some people have to prefer something artificial and gimmicky, rather than simple and natural.

Also when I was a kid, some girls told me how ridiculously unfashionable and unattractive natural, long hair is. The girls in question were local fashionistas with short, trendy hair (which I really liked, by the way). I personally really loved their style but it was just not for me. :) My own personality is about big, long hair, not trendy multi-colored pixies. I think what was going on was just lack of acceptance of differences, rather than any jealousy. I don't understand why it's hard for some people to enjoy those differences rather than get upset by them. :) How sad would it be if everyone had the same hair cut, like prescriptive hairdressing in North Korea?

I've also encountered people who made absolutely wonderful comments and compliments! :D I've been very, very lucky indeed! I remember I very often got a ton of compliments in hair salons by some hairdressers and patrons. The patrons in particular spoiled me a lot with really kind comments that I didn't expect! I really think most people I've encountered were really wonderfully kind and gracious about my hair rather than putting me down. :D

meteor
August 4th, 2014, 04:38 PM
http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Beauty/10572109_674118156010191_9220021431316573059_o.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Beauty/10572109_674118156010191_9220021431316573059_o.jpg .html)

WOW! LauraLongLocks! What a wonderful photo! So dreamy! :)
You, your hair and the nature around you all look amazingly beautiful! :D

lapushka
August 4th, 2014, 05:19 PM
This thread reminds me of a video of a girl on YT. SHe has truly magnificent hair, like perfect perfect, almost classic, fairytail ends black silk.
Yet some b*tches in the comments have no other thing in mind but to tell her to "cut those split ends" WTF, there's no visible damage at all. I would kill for hair that sleek and shiny! x_x ...but it doesn't mean i would want others who have such to cut it.

I'm wondering just how much of it is ignorance, though, because to some fairytale ends are split ends.

LongHairLesbian
August 4th, 2014, 05:55 PM
You are too humble and generous to say it, Shinyspoon3, so I'll say it for you: your "friend" is J-E-A-L-O-U-S. There is really no need to put you down so much otherwise, even if she did find hair a boring topic. Sometimes people talk about things that aren't super interesting to me, but that doesn't mean I interrupt them or snark at them. And no one that dislikes long hair gets super expensive extensions for their wedding; she probably tried to grow out her own hair, but couldn't. Probably because she is constantly going to the salon to get a cut and colour, which no doubt includes heat styling. I mean, that comment about friend B not caring or being excited to braid your hair? Ummm, how about letting friend B speak for herself, since friend A speaking for her only proves how much of a jealous hater friend A is.

longhairvixen
August 4th, 2014, 06:55 PM
There's actually a biological reason for it. At a primal level, what we find attractive in a mate has to do with their overall health and ability to reproduce. Since long hair is a record of good health for an extended period of time, most heterosexual men like long hair on women. We don't even realize it, because it's not part of our cognitive thought process. It's more like an instinctual attraction.

Maybe the jealousy that some women feel regarding other women's long hair is a competitiveness that breeds hate. I am only speculating here.

I had a hairdresser tell me from this photo that my hair needed trimmed because the ends were frayed. I don't know how one could even see whether the ends are frayed in this pic, but she said her it was her professional eyes. Really? Whatever.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Beauty/10572109_674118156010191_9220021431316573059_o.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Beauty/10572109_674118156010191_9220021431316573059_o.jpg .html)

your hair is so beautiful :crush::love: and you look gorgeous!

LauraLongLocks
August 4th, 2014, 11:04 PM
<blushing> Thank you. I didn't post with the idea of acquiring compliments, but I do appreciate it. I was merely trying to show that people are sometimes opinionated idiots and we do best to give them plenty of room to self-destruct and go on our merry way and not worry about it. Obviously, it is impossible to tell whether the ends of my hair are frayed in that picture, but because the person criticizing it was a professional, I was supposed to swallow her bull, hook, line, and sinker.

neko_kawaii
August 4th, 2014, 11:59 PM
I'm not sure what you would call it when you think someone else dislikes or is envious of what you have, but it isn't jealousy. This might help differentiate envy and jealousy. (http://www.vocabulary.com/articles/chooseyourwords/envy-jealousy/)

Shibe
August 5th, 2014, 12:51 AM
You are too humble and generous to say it, Shinyspoon3, so I'll say it for you: your "friend" is J-E-A-L-O-U-S. There is really no need to put you down so much otherwise, even if she did find hair a boring topic. Sometimes people talk about things that aren't super interesting to me, but that doesn't mean I interrupt them or snark at them. And no one that dislikes long hair gets super expensive extensions for their wedding; she probably tried to grow out her own hair, but couldn't. Probably because she is constantly going to the salon to get a cut and colour, which no doubt includes heat styling. I mean, that comment about friend B not caring or being excited to braid your hair? Ummm, how about letting friend B speak for herself, since friend A speaking for her only proves how much of a jealous hater friend A is.

I was thinking this exactly!

StellaKatherine
August 5th, 2014, 06:42 AM
I don't think anyone been jealous of my hair. Well people have been saying such things like " whish I had as long hair as you do " and such. But I think for the most of the time I've been getting only positive respond to my hair. No one said to me to cut it. Actually one hairdresser said to me, that she would refuse to cut my hair short if I would ask :D

lapushka
August 5th, 2014, 06:59 AM
Well my mom at times lives vicariously through me, because I've always had thick hair, F but thick, and she has always had thinner hair (i/ii). There was a point *I* was actually jealous of her, when I was in my late teens / early twenties. At that time, I had a razored head and she had gorgeous red long locks that she used to twist up in a bee-but / cinnabun thing, right atop her head. She was well in her forties at that time.

florenonite
August 5th, 2014, 07:24 AM
This thread reminds me of a video of a girl on YT. SHe has truly magnificent hair, like perfect perfect, almost classic, fairytail ends black silk.
Yet some b*tches in the comments have no other thing in mind but to tell her to "cut those split ends" WTF, there's no visible damage at all. I would kill for hair that sleek and shiny! x_x ...but it doesn't mean i would want others who have such to cut it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IV5chjDpXHo

I don't think that's envy; a lot of people confuse FTE with split ends because they think the ends are breaking off. And, personally, I think that woman's hair would look better if she cut off a few inches to thicken up the hemline, though I wouldn't tell her to do so because it's her hair and none of my business.

Stribe
August 5th, 2014, 07:42 AM
I have had almost waist length hair twice, when I was in my early, and when I was in my late,twenties, and both times I have had a girlfriend going on and on about how my face features would be so beautifully enhanced if I got a pixie. They went on and on about it and showed me pictures of beautiful models with pixies.


Both times I got convinced, had my hair cut short, and then regretted it soooo much.

Now, when I look back after all these years, I realize they were just jealous of my long hair...:(

MultiCultiCurly
August 5th, 2014, 10:50 PM
Yeah, and unfortunately, it's been from my mom a couple of times :(. There is a lot in the race issue that has to do with it (revealed from other issues) that I won't go into, but with my mom's side being primarily African-American and into relaxers/heat styling, I'm the one with the longest natural hair (by far, everyone else hovers around neck/SL at the very longest). I remember one recent time we were at a children's party and there was an interactive part for the adults/parents and it was rather athletic, and we both had our hair out (if I had known I was participating, it would've been in a bun!) and needed to put it up. I only had a 7 prong metal hair fork (rather large) and some regular flat snap-in hair clips (the kind that keeps frizzies down and front pieces back) with me. She had nothing with her, so I offered her something for her hair and she wanted the fork. I told her that I'd need the fork because I had too much hair (as in for the other clips as a sole method of keeping my hair up), and she was all like, "Rub it in why don't you!" :confused: There was another time similar to that, where we were at a family get-together and I had my hair out and wasn't doing anything particularly strange when my sister pulled me aside later to tell me that our mom's feeling were slightly hurt because she felt I was "flaunting" my hair around the place :confused: Yeah...

Shibe
August 6th, 2014, 12:32 AM
I think your mom has to get over it.

You're her child, for petes sakes. What does she want you to do, chop your hair off or find a way to hide it whenever she's around?

eugh.

Avelyne
August 6th, 2014, 01:16 AM
I've never had anyone make comments about my hair but every time I go to the salon I always end up with just about no hair left. The last time I went to the salon I asked very specifically for a small trim of about one inch and some long layers. I came out with six inches cut off and heavy layers from my ears right down to the ends. My hair was so thin at the ends! It took me years to fix it! Needless to say I don't go to salons anymore.

Drosmand7
August 6th, 2014, 07:49 AM
That has recently happened to me. I told her to keep the length and I went from waist to APL, in one chop - shortest I've ever been!

I've had a lot of people jealous of my hair, sadly some were very close relatives to me. I've always had long hair, it was always part of my identity.. I guess some people hated that. :rolleyes:

chen bao jun
August 6th, 2014, 09:47 AM
My mom definitely has lived vicariously through my hair. I am so glad now she is happier with her own. I can remember when she used to call my hair 'her' hair and said she was the one who grew it so long and she would get way too upset when I did things with it that she didn't like, saying I was ruining 'her' hair.
Yet she also complained like crazy about having to take care of it (because it takes a lot of time) and she forced me to have it straightened when it made me really unhappy and made my father very upset (one of the few things I ever remember his yelling at her about). I can understand now that she didn't have the time to care for it, having suddenly acquired other children and a job, but it did make me unhappy.
She still loves to play in my hair and I actually let her, even though its painful (like I said, she brushes it), because it makes her so happy. Actually, I love to play in hers too, which surprises her and she never let me even see it in its natural state until two years ago when she was desperate because she was going bald.
We have gradually come to terms with each other on this issue.
Considering what our society is like, she is squeezed in the middle. Her mother was half white and had fine, wavy, silky hair that was always at least bra strap, probably type 2b or so. My father had two mixed parents, his dad was half white and his mother had very little African ancestry, Dad was a Creole and you couldn't really tell he was black, unless he told you. All of his family had very long hair and he had by far the curliest they ever have at 3b, 3c. So I came out very fair skinned with green eyes and 3c hair. My mom's dad was full blooded African and she looks a lot like him and has 4b or 4c hair. So she was between two generations. She was way prettier than any of us (certainly prettier than me, my grandmother was also a knockout) but she knew it would have been an asset the way things were back then to have had the hair --and the skin color.
Family life was interesting because I fit in with the Creole relatives and got along well with all my cousins on that side but the cousins on my Mom's side mostly can't stand me and my sister after years of going around with us and having people say that we are prettier or even tell them that they can't be related to the 'Puerto Rican girls'. Puerto Rican is one of the various things me and my sister get mistaken for frequently, all too often people don't associate us with 'black'. Our brothers defnitely look black though so family life is interesting. Not due to the family but due to outside people. I wish appearance was not so important in our society. Hair is just part of it, to tell the truth.
My maternal cousins really do actually hate me (except for two of them who are exceptionally nice people). Not the male cousins but the female ones, and they are VERY nasty. About something no one had any control over. It's sad.

Hrtchoco
August 6th, 2014, 10:00 AM
TBH, I don't think she was jealous of your hair. I think she's just bad at her job.

MINAKO
August 6th, 2014, 10:07 AM
I don't think that's envy; a lot of people confuse FTE with split ends because they think the ends are breaking off. And, personally, I think that woman's hair would look better if she cut off a few inches to thicken up the hemline, though I wouldn't tell her to do so because it's her hair and none of my business. I was a big fan of blunt hemlines for the longest time, but now if you'd ask me i totally would want those wispy last 5 inches and try to grow my hair out to that. It's really just a matter of preference. If it wasn't for jealousy tho, i don't think people would blurt out those comments, i mean some said nothing else, not one nice thing about her hair and right away jumping onto what they percieved as a flaw so they don't have to deal with feeling bad about their own, probably short and damaged hair to begin with.

chen bao jun
August 6th, 2014, 10:25 AM
I didn't see a lot of negative comments on the girl in the vids hair. Two people said it had split ends, 99% of the people admired it and some guys got into a silly argument re:guys and long hair. I think the comments were overwhelmingly positive--and she does have lovely hair. Just not everything is to everyone's taste.

Caraid♫
August 6th, 2014, 10:52 AM
I've had people ask "so when are you going to cut your hair" or tell me that I could cut just a few inches off, or even that I should do a pixie- but I always assumed it was because they actually thought whatever they were saying not because they were jealous. A lot of people just think long hair is weird and they don't understand why people would grow their hair that long! So more than jelousy, I think it's just them trying to get you to conform, which isn't the nicest thing either, but it's less mean-spirited I think. Mostly I'll get either no comments, or nice comments (or people who jokingly say they're jealous which is meant more as a compliment) :)

MINAKO
August 6th, 2014, 10:58 AM
I didn't see a lot of negative comments on the girl in the vids hair. Two people said it had split ends, 99% of the people admired it and some guys got into a silly argument re:guys and long hair. I think the comments were overwhelmingly positive--and she does have lovely hair. Just not everything is to everyone's taste. Yeah, maybe there were just a few, but still i find this behaviour pretty odd, some people seem to have that unbelievable desire to write something nasty, and they will find it, no matter what you present to them. If that gil got a trim they would probably write under the next vid "oh, it's not thaaat long, what is she thinking...". I know, it's YT so who care, but there are people in reality like this as well. They need to shut up, especially if they don't know what they are talking about and confuse FTE with splits, they don't think before they speak, yet they have an awful lot to tell.

chen bao jun
August 6th, 2014, 11:01 AM
Yeah, you are right Minako, saying people have 'splits' is all too often used as a way to put down long hair. I can't see if people have split ends in a video or from just glancing at their hair, only up close, I never know what people mean when they say someone has a lot of split ends. Maybe they just prefer a blunt hemline and dont know how to express that? Because it doesn't make sense.

MINAKO
August 6th, 2014, 12:23 PM
People on the web are so annoying with their know-it-all. It's the equivalent of me commenting on a video of how to make a good beef burger while i don't eat them and never prepared one in my entire life.
As for most of the public i guess perfectly "healthy" hair looks like this http://is.gd/RkzHIB
And goes like this in terms of caring for it http://cdn.c.photoshelter.com/img-get/I0000GjoEeKyqYT4/s/860/688/kate-lord-fashion-08.jpg
XD

Caraid♫
August 6th, 2014, 01:31 PM
People on the web are so annoying with their know-it-all. It's the equivalent of me commenting on a video of how to make a good beef burger while i don't eat them and never prepared one in my entire life.
As for most of the public i guess perfectly "healthy" hair looks like this http://is.gd/RkzHIB
And goes like this in terms of caring for it http://cdn.c.photoshelter.com/img-get/I0000GjoEeKyqYT4/s/860/688/kate-lord-fashion-08.jpg
XD

it's true- I don't think people are used to what real healthy hair at long lengths looks like without the help of extensions, wigs, photoshop magic etc. So when they see long hair in real life that isn't magnificently thick down to the very tips and perfectly smooth, they think it's not healthy enough to be that long. You can enjoy long healthy hair without it necessarily reaching unrealistic heights of magazine perfection! hmph

Vrindi
August 6th, 2014, 01:45 PM
Even the hair stylist I went to last week for a trim (she did a great job, only 1/2 inch like I asked) said she never sees hair as healthy as mine, especially in summer. I think sometimes disbelief, or awe can come across as jealousy, when it isn't at all. Even my boss, when she saw my hair throw its stick and escape its bun stared and said "It's so LONG!" Compliment? Accusation? Judgement? Neither. I think it was just surprise.

I have had people react nastily toward my hair in the past--mostly family members, which makes it difficult to ignore. I've even had people cut it off against my will. But fortunately, I've moved away from negative people and I can deal with negativity better now than when I was younger. Where I live now, if anyone ever says anything about my hair, it's only ever a compliment. If someone doesn't like it, then they're keeping it to themselves. I don't worry so much about what other people think of it, or why they think that way.

Kibeth
August 6th, 2014, 01:51 PM
I've had coworkers sing out in unison "Locks of Love!" when I took my hair down - I don't think that was so much jealousy as "why wouldn't you want to look like us?"

Mostly I get compliments from people - especially people I know. I find that people who already like me are more likely to react positively when I take my hair down. I did have one lady in a teashop get mad at me because I told her I wasn't going to donate my hair. She had repeatedly grown and donated hers. Not my problem.

meteor
August 6th, 2014, 03:13 PM
I've had coworkers sing out in unison "Locks of Love!" when I took my hair down (...) I did have one lady in a teashop get mad at me because I told her I wasn't going to donate my hair. She had repeatedly grown and donated hers. Not my problem.

Argh, that's so sad! :(
The worst part is that LoL throws away hair that isn't completely virgin or has gray strands or is shorter than 10'' or is damp/wet. And if you are lucky and fit their super-strict criteria, they use a whole head's donation to make at best 10% of one final wig.
So why would someone insinuate that one is selfish if he/she refuses to go bald just to have a chance to create 10% of a wig that won't even go to a cancer patient? Not to mention how much better behaved and comfortable synthetic hair is!

(Sorry for the slight thread hijack, guys! :flower:)

chen bao jun
August 6th, 2014, 03:22 PM
Yes, that is so rude to sing 'locks of love' at anybody.
A simple compliment will do.
I find that women my age are now jealous of my hair not because of the length but because I have so much hair. they aren't mean like people used to be when I was young, but want to know what I'm doing to have thick hair at age 57--I've been asked by black, white and Asian women about this. Nobody wants to hear that besides genetics (which I know has something to do with getting through menopause without any thinning) I just don't dye it and don't process it or put heat in it and haven't for the last 14 years. They want to hear I use a special shampoo that they can switch to. Or even better, take a pill.
I know there's ways to color your hair and not have it thin out over time, but most women IRL are not aware of them.
I always remember how my grandmother (same genetics) stopped dying her hair black when she was 80 and it grew out twice as thick. Basically, the thickness completely came back.

MultiCultiCurly
August 6th, 2014, 03:56 PM
@Shibe: LOL, right? *sigh* I just pay it no mind, there's nothing I can do anyhow...

@Chen: Seems like mixed families = mixed emotions about race, which sometimes plays out in strange ways (like feelings about hair, skin tone, etc.). At least you were called the "Puerto Rican girls", we (my siblings and I) were called the "yellow people" :confused: and everything from my lips, hair, body shape, nose and tone were picked apart by my black family. I don't think it was necessarily malicious, so much as their own insecurities coming out....and since I can't control any of my features (and wouldn't change them even if I could--love 'em :o), I tend not to pay it any attention. In the end, it is indeed sad that it matters so much to some.

BTW, about the fairytale ends, it seems outside of hair boards NO ONE has a clue! lol

chen bao jun
August 6th, 2014, 05:06 PM
@MultiCultiCurly, Oh, I got called 'Yellow' so much that I thought it was part of my name. This was 50 years ago, sorry to hear it is still happening to younger people like you.
My cousins are malicious. I won't go into details, but they really are. Even as older ladies.
It's difficult when families are split apart by this. My husband's family has no issues, so its not always like this. He and his sibling are very dark but some of the younger generation are in mixed race marriages with the kids being all different complexions and hair textures and they are still family. I think you are right that it comes because they are secure. As I said before, my husband is very dark and he's handsome and he thinks he is just fine, which is in large part what attracted me to him. He thinks he is fine, he thinks his hair is fine, he has wide features and he thinks they are fine, he has no complexes and if somebody else is silly about race or color, he just shrugs it off. He thinks he is fine and he thinks I am fine, too, he takes people by the content of their character, and loves them for who they are, not what they look like, one of the few people I ever met who can do that.

lapushka
August 6th, 2014, 06:23 PM
Argh, that's so sad! :(
The worst part is that LoL throws away hair that isn't completely virgin or has gray strands or is shorter than 10'' or is damp/wet. And if you are lucky and fit their super-strict criteria, they use a whole head's donation to make at best 10% of one final wig.
So why would someone insinuate that one is selfish if he/she refuses to go bald just to have a chance to create 10% of a wig that won't even go to a cancer patient? Not to mention how much better behaved and comfortable synthetic hair is!

(Sorry for the slight thread hijack, guys! :flower:)

About the hair not going to cancer patients. Alopecia is bad in and of itself. I don't want to upset anyone, any illness is bad! It's just that LoL seemed to exploit the fact of "cancer" to get people to cut their hair off for them, and *that*'s not right! That's what upsets me more than actual donation!

chen bao jun
August 6th, 2014, 06:46 PM
Alopecia is bad, indeed jsut as Lapushka says. I'm sure all of us feel bad for alopecia patients. It's not something I would like to happen to me. However, I would not expect anyone else to cut their hair off for me if it did happen, much less want to force people into it. I haven't heard that it was e ver either alopecia victims or cancer victims desiring these demands for forced shearings and constant harassment some of you get. (fortunately, not me).

MINAKO
August 6th, 2014, 07:47 PM
If i had either one or the other, there's stores like this one http://www.prisila.jp/ and the problem about hair would be solved without affecting anyones head at all. Even if someone insist to buy real hair, don't tell me virgin indian/brazilian/russian/malaysian/chinese/vietnamese hair that is already cut and for sale wont be good enough for somebody? I mean maybe it's not right to expect women of these countries to deliver, but as there is a market for it anyways, who cares if the hair goes to some photo shoot, any girl obsesses with longer hair or an actual cancer/alopecia patient. Don't ever cut your hair for anybody unless you know them personally and know they would appreciate exactly your hair made into a wig. (Now for the "selfish" part... if someone would ask me to do it, even my own mom, i would politely decline, my hair stays where it is unless i'm convinced i want to go back to a bob anyways)

LongCurlyTress
August 6th, 2014, 07:57 PM
I've had people ask "so when are you going to cut your hair" or tell me that I could cut just a few inches off, or even that I should do a pixie- but I always assumed it was because they actually thought whatever they were saying not because they were jealous. A lot of people just think long hair is weird and they don't understand why people would grow their hair that long! So more than jelousy, I think it's just them trying to get you to conform, which isn't the nicest thing either, but it's less mean-spirited I think. Mostly I'll get either no comments, or nice comments (or people who jokingly say they're jealous which is meant more as a compliment) :)

Isn't it nice that we can vent our frustrations here on these threads and we support each other? I think it's kind of special. Well, I for one am green with envy that your hair is so long and gorgeous! Stick to what your heart says to do. It's our hair! People can be so ignorant. I am learning to just say, "I love it long!" or whatever people are criticizing me about. I love.... It makes me happy. etc. It just seems that when people are unhappy and miserable themselves, they put down and criticize others who seem happier than they are. Just sayin' lol :beerchug:

chen bao jun
August 6th, 2014, 09:49 PM
I am also planning to keep my hair on my head. If it could save someone's life, like my child, or my mom, and that was the only way, like being the only match for a kidney or something, then yes, but so long as there are wigs out there, which there are plenty, I'm keeping my hair.

Shibe
August 6th, 2014, 10:39 PM
The older I have gotten the more I find myself not wanting to cut my hair for religious purposes.

Thankfully, I live somewhere where tailbone length hair is the norm- no one will try guilting me into cutting!

meteor
August 6th, 2014, 10:44 PM
Thankfully, I live somewhere where tailbone length hair is the norm- no one will try guilting me into cutting!

Sounds like a dream place for us LHC-ers to move to! ;)

Caraid♫
August 6th, 2014, 11:03 PM
Isn't it nice that we can vent our frustrations here on these threads and we support each other? I think it's kind of special. Well, I for one am green with envy that your hair is so long and gorgeous! Stick to what your heart says to do. It's our hair! People can be so ignorant. I am learning to just say, "I love it long!" or whatever people are criticizing me about. I love.... It makes me happy. etc. It just seems that when people are unhappy and miserable themselves, they put down and criticize others who seem happier than they are. Just sayin' lol :beerchug:

totally! It's great to have a forum to come and talk your heart out about something that the rest of the world thinks is weird, or at best, kind of a boring topic for them :D some people like to nitpick at others people's decisions, but that's their problem!
(have I told you I'm envious of your curls and thickness??)

cdonald2
August 6th, 2014, 11:53 PM
On the other side of the fence, I get jealous of those with beautiful long locks, but not in a malicious way. I always say things like "your hair is so gorgeous, how long did it take to get to that length?" and "I wish I had hair like yours". I am desperately trying to get to BSL for a short term goal and WL for long term. I love seeing gorgeous hair, but i do get a bit envious since mine has so long to go, but I wouldn't sabotage someone else's hair out of envy.

I never understood why one person's hair length is anyone else's business to "correct" :( im so sorry for those who have had their hair cut by hairdressers and cut way too short, I would have been in tears.

Shibe
August 7th, 2014, 12:59 AM
Sounds like a dream place for us LHC-ers to move to! ;)

Sunny Miami :)

fiūrildi
August 7th, 2014, 04:43 AM
Fortunately I haven't encountered jealousy on my hair in the last years (there isn't much to be jealous about at the moment, bleh) :P
A couple years ago I had a very, very unpleasant episode with a hairdresser (one of the reasons why I decided to never come back, and trim my own hair), but I have usually received compliments, not mean comments.

I did receive a lot of jealousy from evil classmates at school. My hair was light blonde, very shiny and soft, not particularly long, but it stood out because of the light colour (classmates had all dark hair). At least twice I returned home from school with a nasty bubblegum stuck in my hair, at the upper part (so that I would have to cut my whole hair). I will never forget my mum trying to take that out with her own hands for literally hours, and saving my hair... I was bullied for 10 years at school, and I'm sure most of the hatred came because of general jealousy.

LauraLongLocks
August 7th, 2014, 11:43 AM
Fortunately I haven't encountered jealousy on my hair in the last years (there isn't much to be jealous about at the moment, bleh) :P
A couple years ago I had a very, very unpleasant episode with a hairdresser (one of the reasons why I decided to never come back, and trim my own hair), but I have usually received compliments, not mean comments.

I did receive a lot of jealousy from evil classmates at school. My hair was light blonde, very shiny and soft, not particularly long, but it stood out because of the light colour (classmates had all dark hair). At least twice I returned home from school with a nasty bubblegum stuck in my hair, at the upper part (so that I would have to cut my whole hair). I will never forget my mum trying to take that out with her own hands for literally hours, and saving my hair... I was bullied for 10 years at school, and I'm sure most of the hatred came because of general jealousy.

That is awful. About the gum, olive oil works extremely well in getting it out of hair, should you or anyone reading this ever have that happen in the future.

brickworld13
August 7th, 2014, 12:06 PM
That is awful. About the gum, olive oil works extremely well in getting it out of hair, should you or anyone reading this ever have that happen in the future.

My mom used peanut butter for gum. She did use olive oil on the rare occasion that we came home from school with lice because it made it easier to pick all the little monsters out.

LauraLongLocks
August 7th, 2014, 12:08 PM
I have heard of peanut butter but watched a youtube where they took it out in seconds with olive oil. Best stuff for gum, and for lice!

brickworld13
August 7th, 2014, 12:17 PM
I have heard of peanut butter but watched a youtube where they took it out in seconds with olive oil. Best stuff for gum, and for lice!

Using it on gum is pretty messy. I'm still so very grateful that mom took the time to pick our hip length hair instead of cutting it off, and she did it quite a few times. I'm pretty sure she had the patience of a saint when it came to our hair.

fiūrildi
August 7th, 2014, 12:18 PM
That is awful. About the gum, olive oil works extremely well in getting it out of hair, should you or anyone reading this ever have that happen in the future.

Thanks for the trick :wink:
My mum used ice at first, so that the gum would freeze, but she might have used olive oil as well. Oh, and I accidentally stuck my own gum in my hair once (when I was little), had the fabulous idea of chopping that part and hiding the lock inside a drawer :applause:

chen bao jun
August 7th, 2014, 02:18 PM
So sorry that happened to you. I'm glad that you usually receive compliments, I'm sure you deserve them!

Fortunately I haven't encountered jealousy on my hair in the last years (there isn't much to be jealous about at the moment, bleh) :P
A couple years ago I had a very, very unpleasant episode with a hairdresser (one of the reasons why I decided to never come back, and trim my own hair), but I have usually received compliments, not mean comments.

I did receive a lot of jealousy from evil classmates at school. My hair was light blonde, very shiny and soft, not particularly long, but it stood out because of the light colour (classmates had all dark hair). At least twice I returned home from school with a nasty bubblegum stuck in my hair, at the upper part (so that I would have to cut my whole hair). I will never forget my mum trying to take that out with her own hands for literally hours, and saving my hair... I was bullied for 10 years at school, and I'm sure most of the hatred came because of general jealousy.

curlylocks85
August 7th, 2014, 06:13 PM
Actually, I had the opposite experience. When I was a teenager, my girlfriends would complain about their hair, then would look at me and say they were glad they did not have "my hair." I wish someone was jealous or even envious of my hair, even if it comes out mean.

chen bao jun
August 7th, 2014, 09:05 PM
Sounds like jealousy to me.

Actually, I had the opposite experience. When I was a teenager, my girlfriends would complain about their hair, then would look at me and say they were glad they did not have "my hair." I wish someone was jealous or even envious of my hair, even if it comes out mean.

irodaryne
August 7th, 2014, 10:06 PM
Fortunately I haven't encountered jealousy on my hair in the last years (there isn't much to be jealous about at the moment, bleh) :P
A couple years ago I had a very, very unpleasant episode with a hairdresser (one of the reasons why I decided to never come back, and trim my own hair), but I have usually received compliments, not mean comments.

I did receive a lot of jealousy from evil classmates at school. My hair was light blonde, very shiny and soft, not particularly long, but it stood out because of the light colour (classmates had all dark hair). At least twice I returned home from school with a nasty bubblegum stuck in my hair, at the upper part (so that I would have to cut my whole hair). I will never forget my mum trying to take that out with her own hands for literally hours, and saving my hair... I was bullied for 10 years at school, and I'm sure most of the hatred came because of general jealousy.

I've read that peanut butter is supposed to be helpful for getting gum out of one's hair.

Jennah
August 7th, 2014, 10:44 PM
:lipssealed:....

Caraid♫
August 8th, 2014, 12:34 AM
Actually, I had the opposite experience. When I was a teenager, my girlfriends would complain about their hair, then would look at me and say they were glad they did not have "my hair." I wish someone was jealous or even envious of my hair, even if it comes out mean.
not a very friend-like thing to say! Really, what kind of a tactless thing is that to say to anyone, let alone a friend... :confused: I am sure you have secret hair admirers out there :D

LadyCelestina
August 8th, 2014, 02:26 AM
Huh...The things that apparently jealousy/envy...Makes me wonder:
This girl in high school always pestered me with straightening my hair.She boasted on how much prettier straight hair is and such.Then come picture-taking or special ocassion,she always winds up with curled hair - in ringlets like I have,not loose curls.

After reading through this thread,it came as a bit of a shock that maybe she was not a female dog,but envious. :bigeyes:

fiūrildi
August 8th, 2014, 02:32 AM
Huh...The things that apparently jealousy/envy...Makes me wonder:
This girl in high school always pestered me with straightening my hair.She boasted on how much prettier straight hair is and such.Then come picture-taking or special ocassion,she always winds up with curled hair - in ringlets like I have,not loose curls.

After reading through this thread,it came as a bit of a shock that maybe she was not a female dog,but envious. :bigeyes:

Yes, it totally seems that she was jealous of your ringlets. Some people give away themselves with their actions :shrug:

JustPam
August 8th, 2014, 04:10 AM
I have had a few people say they are jealous of my hair, but in an admiration kind of way, not a spiteful way.

maborosi
August 8th, 2014, 08:27 AM
I have had a few people say they are jealous of my hair, but in an admiration kind of way, not a spiteful way.

Same here. Generally people are polite about my hair.

Olavi
August 8th, 2014, 11:21 AM
I haven't encountered real jealousy either. Many of my friends have said they are "jealous" of my length/colour/thickness/texture, but it hasn't been in bad way. I'm not quite sure how I should respond to that kind of comments, but so far "I like [feature in my hair] too" have worked.

chen bao jun
August 8th, 2014, 11:25 AM
Someone complaining about their hair and then looking at you and saying 'at least I don't have yours' is very often jealousy. They don't want you to think you have something over them, so they put you down especially if they are a teenage girl.
Its very common to say how awful someone else has things--and then imitate what they have--if you're jealous.
Girls are so spiteful. thank goodness most (not all) women grow out of this stage. I wouldn't be a teenage girl again for anything.

Shibe
August 8th, 2014, 05:07 PM
My sis in law who is 26 never outgrew this phase. Recently got in a row with her and she said my wedding dress looked thrift store, and my daughter is going to call me fat.

I dont have any kids :spitting:

silvurgrin
August 8th, 2014, 09:28 PM
OMG, I love this hair! I want!!!

Bene
August 8th, 2014, 10:05 PM
I'm not a mind reader, so I can't say that I know someone else is feeling any envy over my hair.

Shibe
August 9th, 2014, 11:44 AM
Bene, I can't wait until my hair reaches your length.

Good envy :)

pinchbeck
December 25th, 2014, 11:06 AM
There's actually a biological reason for it. At a primal level, what we find attractive in a mate has to do with their overall health and ability to reproduce. Since long hair is a record of good health for an extended period of time, most heterosexual men like long hair on women. We don't even realize it, because it's not part of our cognitive thought process. It's more like an instinctual attraction.

Maybe the jealousy that some women feel regarding other women's long hair is a competitiveness that breeds hate. I am only speculating here.

My current bf does not like my long hair and wishes I'd cut it to bsl. When I tried out online dating quite a few men I went on dates with told me in a polite way that shorter hair would be more attractive on me - which it is (can't deny the truth). One man in particular stated if I did NOT cut my hair to apl he wouldn't date me because he said he and his friends take pride in their appearance and he expected the same of me adding that blond highlights would also be a necessity.

I don't think all men like long hair. My bf is very attracted to women who are a chubby with pretty faces and very short hair...! Go figure. However, I am not going to gain weight or cut my hair off to please him.

Back on topic. Not many people are jealous of my hair 'cause it's nothing special. It is a common medium thick light brown colour. But, I did have a friend from junior high school make strange comments about my hair on Facebook. She made different comments such as:

1) You look like an Eskimo (don't know how this relates to anything)
2) Are you competing with Cher?
3) Your hair drags your face down

My older son on the other hand once screamed across the street when he saw me walking home on a beautiful warm sunny day, "Cut your hair". How embarrassing that was. It's due the fact that he laughs when he sees women sporting longer than bsl hair and thinks it is gross. Oh well...I can't please everyone and don't care anymore.

MINAKO
December 25th, 2014, 11:13 AM
Ł
One man in particular stated if I did NOT cut my hair to apl he wouldn't date me because he said he and his friends take pride in their appearance and he expected the same of me adding that blond highlights in my light brown hair would also be a necessity

what a douche! i would have instantly found a reason to leave if someone said that to me on a date.

lauren_alia
December 25th, 2014, 12:38 PM
Ł

what a douche! i would have instantly found a reason to leave if someone said that to me on a date.

Seriously! What an entitled jerk. I mean everyone has their preferences, but to demand someone else change their appearance to suit your silly preferences....wow. I think I would have just busted up laughing and just walked out. :spitting:

wilderwein
December 25th, 2014, 12:49 PM
I dont know if it was jealousy, but the hairdresser I used to visit once a year she was "trimming" 5" even tho I would ask for a centimeter, everytime she was convincing me that she needs to take more If I want long hair! Funny thing is that her hair looks fried and its allways in a bob haircut!

Arete
December 25th, 2014, 01:06 PM
I'm glad to have never experienced hostility or other negative behaviors towards me because of my hair. Mostly I get positive comments. Occasionally, someone does the whole "You going to donate?" and then seem confused as to why I would want long hair simply because I like it, and that has turned a bit negative once or twice, but otherwise people either don't care or like my hair.
Sometimes I go in with my mom to her the salon, and the hairdressers there *love* my hair. Almost every time one of them says "I can't believe it's this long and so healthy!" And when I got a trim there, the hairdresser took off LESS than I asked! :laugh:
I hope I never run into a not-so-nice stylist, though granted, I don't think any will be near my hair in the future.

MINAKO
December 25th, 2014, 02:34 PM
Seriously! What an entitled jerk. I mean everyone has their preferences, but to demand someone else change their appearance to suit your silly preferences....wow. I think I would have just busted up laughing and just walked out. :spitting:

sure as hell those guys need to be put in their place and then ignored. well, i was going out with i guy once that i already knew and he commented my outfit (biker boots, casual sweater, microshorts) in a negative way. he's my best friend now, lol. but that was certainly an exeption, talkin negative about my hair would have taken it to the next level i guess, but usually the guys who happen to like me get the idea that its either the complete package or nothing.

CremeTron
December 25th, 2014, 04:26 PM
Yeah, and unfortunately, it's been from my mom a couple of times :(. There is a lot in the race issue that has to do with it (revealed from other issues) that I won't go into, but with my mom's side being primarily African-American and into relaxers/heat styling, I'm the one with the longest natural hair (by far, everyone else hovers around neck/SL at the very longest). I remember one recent time we were at a children's party and there was an interactive part for the adults/parents and it was rather athletic, and we both had our hair out (if I had known I was participating, it would've been in a bun!) and needed to put it up. I only had a 7 prong metal hair fork (rather large) and some regular flat snap-in hair clips (the kind that keeps frizzies down and front pieces back) with me. She had nothing with her, so I offered her something for her hair and she wanted the fork. I told her that I'd need the fork because I had too much hair (as in for the other clips as a sole method of keeping my hair up), and she was all like, "Rub it in why don't you!" :confused: There was another time similar to that, where we were at a family get-together and I had my hair out and wasn't doing anything particularly strange when my sister pulled me aside later to tell me that our mom's feeling were slightly hurt because she felt I was "flaunting" my hair around the place :confused: Yeah...

Oh dear, how awful. My daughter has hair like yours. I was immediately struck by your profile pic. I have been meaning to ask on here about my daughters hair type. She has the same colour too! People often ask me if I dye it which is odd as she is 7- anyway... so sorry about that thing with your mum, that is incredibly strange and maybe there is hair envy. You must feel so self conscious so sorry about that. It is not fair.

I actually have a similar issue. I am mostly black and my hair has a looser curl than a few women in my family and no matter how I abuse always reached below sholder. I know that is not long at all! But others have ear length and similar and I get hate. Makes me so annoyed but in a way I am grateful because I would never envy my daughter or make her feel funny about it and maybe I wouldn't have learned how nasty hair envy is if I had not been on receiving end.

I felt similar emotions when I read your account Chen Bao Jun and I totally got where you are coming from. It is amazing really what slightly lighter skin or whatever can drasticially affect the way one is treated in certain communities. I still feel guilt for being lighter skinned and more curly haired than some of my relatives. It was only having a fair daughter 8 years ago that gave me "permission" to look nice as she will always be better looking n their eyes so I am off the hook. So weird. On another note I limit the time she spends with such people almost to zero. She got to 4 years old when I realised for her self esteem I had better do it! She was even told she does not speak to black people at 4 imagine?! Anyway, getting off track now lol

Halliday
December 25th, 2014, 04:59 PM
no jealousy yet. almost wish i was getting some!! :eye::taz:

Annalouise
December 25th, 2014, 05:00 PM
Have I encountered jealousy for my long hair?
Oh good Lord no! I don't think anyone would be jealous of my fine thin hair.
Not in a million years.

I grow my hair because I love to have long hair. I'm sure a lot of people think I should cut my hair because "its TOO THIN"...bla bla bla...

I get the opposite reaction to jealousy, I get judgement. "ohh your hair is REALLY thinning".... "your hair is too thin to wear long."

hennalonghair
December 25th, 2014, 06:00 PM
no jealousy yet. almost wish i was getting some!! :eye::taz:
..... X x. :lol:.....

Sarahlabyrinth
December 25th, 2014, 06:03 PM
How would you know if a negative remark was made from jealousy, envy or just a dislike of long hair for whatever reason?

MINAKO
December 25th, 2014, 06:06 PM
since i started posting my hairpic on instagram, i get the occasional nonesense violation report on any picture that might give a possibility for people to nag on... like a roman marble statue in a museum would be sexualy explicit and instagram actually removes those pics, cause they dont even seem to look at them before taking action. just silly, but it went along with me starting to flash my mane, so im not exactly sure, maybe someone just hates me for other reasons.

RachelRose
December 25th, 2014, 06:51 PM
I don't know if it was jealousy in my case as much as general hatred of me lol . When I was little I had long hair very rarely trimmed virgin hair that was straight , fine , with a slight wave . A certain relative told me how "stringy" my hair was and how split blah blah blah til my young impressionable mind was convinced to cut it off to my chin . I cried cried cried :( anyway this relatives daughter just happen to have had hip length wavy hair that her mom to good care of. So I think it was a spite thing . Why couldn't she have taught me how to care for my hair ? I think it evened the playing field for her I guess :/

LongCurlyTress
December 25th, 2014, 10:04 PM
totally! It's great to have a forum to come and talk your heart out about something that the rest of the world thinks is weird, or at best, kind of a boring topic for them :D some people like to nitpick at others people's decisions, but that's their problem!
(have I told you I'm envious of your curls and thickness??)

Thank you so much Caraid! Nice to see you again on these threads! Hope grad school is going welll for you. Tell you what? Let's trade hair for a bit! I looove yours too! ;) It's really getting loooong!! :beerchug:

Rinna
December 26th, 2014, 02:28 AM
This thread reminds me of a video of a girl on YT. SHe has truly magnificent hair, like perfect perfect, almost classic, fairytail ends black silk.
Yet some b*tches in the comments have no other thing in mind but to tell her to "cut those split ends" WTF, there's no visible damage at all. I would kill for hair that sleek and shiny! x_x ...but it doesn't mean i would want others who have such to cut it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IV5chjDpXHo

I think many people have no idea what split ends actually are, and think fairytale ends are split ends.

Rinna
December 26th, 2014, 02:55 AM
My mom used peanut butter for gum. She did use olive oil on the rare occasion that we came home from school with lice because it made it easier to pick all the little monsters out.

Acetone is really great at dissolving gum, though I am not confident it'll not destroy the hair, too. I've used it to remove gum from shoes, and it works perfectly.

Halliday
December 26th, 2014, 04:08 AM
I think many people have no idea what split ends actually are, and think fairytale ends are split ends.

Oh, that annoys me so much.

martyna_22
December 26th, 2014, 05:00 AM
Actually.. my roomate has about shoulder length hair and she suffers from hair loss. She expressed surprise that I don't shed much, and at one point said something about short hair looking much better, and that long hair makes one look old, and that she'd heard it from numerous people, including her hairdresser...
But we don't get on that well. She is the lonely type, while I love socialising and take advantage o every opportunity to do so. Therefore she kind of likes to undermine the little things I say or do, just for the sake of it. This whole situation is weird and I'm definitely going to look for another person to live with next year.

I'm 19. I seriously don't think I look old because of long-ish hair. In addition, all my university friends encourage me to keep growing. It's one of the things that make me who I am.

mariechin1234
December 26th, 2014, 06:47 AM
Things should be clear prior cutting off your hair. The hairdresser has no right to cut your hair without permission otherwise it would entail legal action.

CremeTron
December 26th, 2014, 07:22 AM
Scissor happy stylists! Most of us have experienced this!

Trimming hair is boring so they relish the chance to "cut". I also think sometimes it is their inability to cut accurately and so they take a lot off while evening up. Some could be jealous it is not impossible.

I have been turned away from the mirror and had a trim turn into a full blown cut! In 2006, I remember clearly as my husband and son were horrified I came home with 2 inches of hair blown into a style of sorts. After a year of growing, I had a chin length relaxed bob and I went for a trim so it would continue to grow evenly and the stylist got me talking and turned me away from the mirror and voila! It actually looked longer at first as he somehow stretched it with a round brush.

It was awful and I remember the receptionist looking shocked before she hastily adjusted her face aha!

wilderwein
December 26th, 2014, 07:26 AM
I think many people have no idea what split ends actually are, and think fairytale ends are split ends.

My whole hair life in a post! :'( why would they cut my hair, I was asking for a half of inch trim...? *traumatized mode*

trolleypup
December 26th, 2014, 07:21 PM
Acetone is really great at dissolving gum, though I am not confident it'll not destroy the hair, too. I've used it to remove gum from shoes, and it works perfectly.
Goo-gone will remove gum, as well as tree sap & pitch. Camellia oil will remove Goo-gone. Water will remove camellia oil. I was water only at the time.

chen bao jun
December 26th, 2014, 09:28 PM
Peanut butter will take gum out of hair and not harm hair.

chen bao jun
December 26th, 2014, 09:39 PM
Oh dear, how awful. My daughter has hair like yours. I was immediately struck by your profile pic. I have been meaning to ask on here about my daughters hair type. She has the same colour too! People often ask me if I dye it which is odd as she is 7- anyway... so sorry about that thing with your mum, that is incredibly strange and maybe there is hair envy. You must feel so self conscious so sorry about that. It is not fair.

I actually have a similar issue. I am mostly black and my hair has a looser curl than a few women in my family and no matter how I abuse always reached below sholder. I know that is not long at all! But others have ear length and similar and I get hate. Makes me so annoyed but in a way I am grateful because I would never envy my daughter or make her feel funny about it and maybe I wouldn't have learned how nasty hair envy is if I had not been on receiving end.

I felt similar emotions when I read your account Chen Bao Jun and I totally got where you are coming from. It is amazing really what slightly lighter skin or whatever can drasticially affect the way one is treated in certain communities. I still feel guilt for being lighter skinned and more curly haired than some of my relatives. It was only having a fair daughter 8 years ago that gave me "permission" to look nice as she will always be better looking n their eyes so I am off the hook. So weird. On another note I limit the time she spends with such people almost to zero. She got to 4 years old when I realised for her self esteem I had better do it! She was even told she does not speak to black people at 4 imagine?! Anyway, getting off track now lol

Drop the guilt. I've started thinking of it this way. If someone was mad at me because I am short, I would see it as ridiculous because a. I didn't make myself short and b. I can't grow, you know. And skin color is exactly the same. You didn't do it and can't change it. It is extra important now to avoid these toxic people if they won't stop, for your daughters sake. She will pick up all the same messages you got from these idiots and they will male their reality seem like the only reality. As far as hair type, now the information is all over that any hair type can grow with patience and care, sooo if they'd rather be haters with broken off damaged hair than happy people with cared for healthy long hair, don't let them hate on your 4 year old, let them do it in their own little miserable corner.

CurlyCap
December 27th, 2014, 02:44 AM
I live in two worlds regarding hair. In my workplace, there is no curly hair. And there is a very small minority community. So my hair is pretty much ignored. I get a lot of sideways compliments like "Well, you're hair is certainly...voluminous...isn't it?"

I've had friends from work get eyes like saucers when we go out at night and they see people cross the street to ask me questions about my hair or when true haters throw things at me bc of my hair. I've had "real life" friends have fits when parking garage attendants give me free parking bc of my hair. Like I can predict their behavior.

People's responses to hair are odd...but generally they are pretty strong. I've taken to wearing my hair up most of the time not to protect it, but just to avoid comments. Only people who are used to long hair can translate bun size to hair length, and most of those people are nicer about hair comments.

AmethystLily
December 27th, 2014, 05:38 PM
Having type 4 hair that goes past your shoulders can garner stupid comments (or at least, it did where I live). Since there's a stereotype that tightly curled afro hair can't grow long, some people think anyone with "long" (meaning past shoulders) afro hair must be "mixed" or wearing a weave. Whenever I wore straightened hair in middle and high school, it reached past my collarbone, sometimes near APL. People would say things like, "She KNOWS that's a weave!" or "Is it real?" or "She's got some loooong hair!"
I'm not sure if that was all due to jealousy, spite, hatred or frustration with type 4 hair (likely including their own hair), or just the fact that kids and teenagers like to pick on each other. After all, I was the shy bookworm who was picked on for lots of other things too, like being a science nerd, being too quiet, not being trendy or fashionable enough, or not having as much money or the latest tech.

Sock-eater
December 27th, 2014, 05:59 PM
I had a hairdresser once who started to cut my hair into a bob when I was 12 and wanted just a trim for my WL hair. She was stopped by my mum and it was an honest mistake and what she did didn't show, so I think I had the trim for free. I have had hairdressers encourage me to cut my hair shorter and with layers, I think they just want to do something that looks fashionable and is more exciting to cut but that also will get you in the salon more often to have it re-freshed. I wouldn't say it's jealousy, just they're trying to make a living, but if they realized I would be there all the time if they gave me advice and products like I learn about here than they wouldn't need to pressure me and I wouldn't be cutting my own locks now. Other than that, I've had people pull my hair, or spit on it or put gum in it, but that was at school where random bullying was a huge problem for everyone. Mostly, I've had nice compliments from other women about my hair though I think most people have this opinion that it looks less professional than short hair.

Sock-eater
December 27th, 2014, 06:13 PM
Oh dear, how awful. My daughter has hair like yours. I was immediately struck by your profile pic. I have been meaning to ask on here about my daughters hair type. She has the same colour too! People often ask me if I dye it which is odd as she is 7- anyway... so sorry about that thing with your mum, that is incredibly strange and maybe there is hair envy. You must feel so self conscious so sorry about that. It is not fair.

I actually have a similar issue. I am mostly black and my hair has a looser curl than a few women in my family and no matter how I abuse always reached below sholder. I know that is not long at all! But others have ear length and similar and I get hate. Makes me so annoyed but in a way I am grateful because I would never envy my daughter or make her feel funny about it and maybe I wouldn't have learned how nasty hair envy is if I had not been on receiving end.

I felt similar emotions when I read your account Chen Bao Jun and I totally got where you are coming from. It is amazing really what slightly lighter skin or whatever can drasticially affect the way one is treated in certain communities. I still feel guilt for being lighter skinned and more curly haired than some of my relatives. It was only having a fair daughter 8 years ago that gave me "permission" to look nice as she will always be better looking n their eyes so I am off the hook. So weird. On another note I limit the time she spends with such people almost to zero. She got to 4 years old when I realised for her self esteem I had better do it! She was even told she does not speak to black people at 4 imagine?! Anyway, getting off track now lol

I'm sorry that you feel guilty, it's hard not to but you shouldn't. It's not like anyone can help what they look like and you should feel free to dress nicely for you. You know all this ofcourse, but I think it helps being told what you know sometimes too.

As for hair, I've heard that this book is fantastic for understanding the history and culture around African-American hair: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hair-Story-Untangling-Roots-Black/dp/0312283229

I've not read it yet, but I've heard great things about it from African-British friends of mine (I'm in London) and it helped them feel less guilty about their hair. I also heard a podcast about it by Stuff Mum Never Told You which was fascinating, as being White British and basically going to school with 1 African-British person it was not something I'd even thought about but makes sense now that I live above a hair salon specifically for that type of hair. Thought you might find this of interest given your comment if you'd never heard about it.

chen bao jun
December 27th, 2014, 06:19 PM
People tend to admire my hair and of course jealousy also is admiration. I know there are those on the forum who say hair jealousy doesn't exist, but as many here have testified, it does in the African American community, in fact it is a problem there. Hopefully this will ease as information about proper hair care for type 4 spreads. I couldn't honestly say that I ever felt a hairdresser, black or white was jealous of my hair. I felt more as if black hairdressers were so used to taking care of severely damaged and thinned hair that they got angry at the trouble it is time care for thick curly hair. In work situations I'm not sure that people get jealous of long hair do much as they want to enforce tidings and conformity. I am not sure it is jealousy when people tell people to chop because of age, either. Seems more like a conformity thing again. Between sblings, jealousy can be a factor in everything and also it exists a lot between young women because although they will deny it until they are blue in the face, the average young woman is looking for a mate, and anything perceived as an asset will cause friction. Though you can't assume this in individual cases.

wilderwein
December 27th, 2014, 08:09 PM
I'm not sure if it was jealousy, but I was with my best friend wich has almost classical hair length and another girl who trys to grow her hair for years but she always ends up cutting them short. So we had a conversation like:
she "dont you girls want to cut your hair?"
we "no, not really, we try to grow them even longer"
she "but don't you need a change?"
me "noo"
bf "no not really"
she " I feel lately that long hair looks SO BORING AND LIFELESS"
we "=|"

even if she trully believes that, it was offensive for us to tell

picklepie
December 28th, 2014, 12:24 AM
Um, what is this video on YouTube *for*? It's not exactly a how-to, right?

Callifornia
December 28th, 2014, 01:10 AM
I only had it happen once.
My dad's sister and mom said "What do you want to be Lady Godiva or something?" In this really snarky tone of voice when I repetedly kept refusing to let them cut my hair to collar bone length. I was 15, it was a little inappropriate of a comment I thought.
I had TB length virgin hair, they both have shoulder length damaged hair.

CremeTron
December 28th, 2014, 06:58 AM
Drop the guilt. I've started thinking of it this way. If someone was mad at me because I am short, I would see it as ridiculous because a. I didn't make myself short and b. I can't grow, you know. And skin color is exactly the same. You didn't do it and can't change it. It is extra important now to avoid these toxic people if they won't stop, for your daughters sake. She will pick up all the same messages you got from these idiots and they will male their reality seem like the only reality. As far as hair type, now the information is all over that any hair type can grow with patience and care, sooo if they'd rather be haters with broken off damaged hair than happy people with cared for healthy long hair, don't let them hate on your 4 year old, let them do it in their own little miserable corner.

Thank you very much for this. Has uplifted me so much and yes I do try to keep her away from them. She is so light she looks white but has a massive red afro. I want her to be confident and secure and so far she is. Luckily her father encourages her to wear it big and take pride in it. He even takes it out when I braid it for school grrr! But still it is good he likes to make her feel proud. She is only one of two mixed girls at her school and the other girl is quite dark for a mixed girl- about my colour. It pleases me that my daughter does not try to be white or black she accepts she is mixed race and likes her big hair. So far so good.

Awww CurlyCap how horrible. That is awful about the hate you get. Sometimes best to wear it up. I wear my hair up around certain people too probably a smart choice!

CremeTron
December 28th, 2014, 07:00 AM
I felt more as if black hairdressers were so used to taking care of severely damaged and thinned hair that they got angry at the trouble it is time care for thick curly hair. In work situations I'm not sure that people get jealous of long hair do much as they want to enforce tidings and conformity. I am not sure it is jealousy when people tell people to chop because of age, either. Seems more like a conformity thing again.

Ah yes so amazingly true. I think hair that is used to heat is much easier to tame than a head full of healthy curls. I can imagine your hair would be so much more work than thinned and limp relaxed hair!

Oh and I agree with the work thing as well. My hair is pretty fine and thin for a 4a girl and even so I it needs to be up at work to look neat and tidy.

chen bao jun
December 28th, 2014, 11:31 AM
Thank you very much for this. Has uplifted me so much and yes I do try to keep her away from them. She is so light she looks white but has a massive red afro. I want her to be confident and secure and so far she is. Luckily her father encourages her to wear it big and take pride in it. He even takes it out when I braid it for school grrr! But still it is good he likes to make her feel proud. She is only one of two mixed girls at her school and the other girl is quite dark for a mixed girl- about my colour. It pleases me that my daughter does not try to be white or black she accepts she is mixed race and likes her big hair. So far so good.

Awww CurlyCap how horrible. That is awful about the hate you get. Sometimes best to wear it up. I wear my hair up around certain people too probably a smart choice!

She must be a stunner. I have redheads in my family but like auburn, not bright red and they are definitely darker than I am. They have almost what you might call auburn skin as well as auburn hair, lots of coppery tones. Is she a very bright red? What color eyes? Mine are hazel/green depending on clothing color/ lighting. A lot of redheads, auburn hair, light brown haired black or mixed people dye thein hair black because of constant teasing and or questioning. I am so glad your daughters dad is telling her she is lovely and hope she never does that. I don't know how to describe my skin color in a polite way. I am what American black people call high yellow, which is not a compliment. Where I am from, they say I have 'clear' skin, or that I am 'white '. This does not mean I look like a Caucasian-- they would call that 'white white' or 'buckra' (which is not a polite word) and there is a definite difference between white people and white white people. It's a very color struck society there still so to be clear complexion would be an asset, but I grew up in the US where it really isn't an asset at all. Since color isn't a spectrum here but you are either white (Caucasian ) or not, it is just a reason for other black people to harass you, if they are of that mind set. Fortunately, all are not, but there are too many that are. If you would like to star in rap videos or be a basketball players wife or skanky girlfriend on a reality show, you would have a leg up being as light skinned as I am, but that kind of thing has never been my ambition. Even nice black people (not mean or jealous) are always telling me it makes it easier to get jobs and so on to look the way I do, but maybe that was true pre 1960, not anymore. With affirmative action so important nowadays or at least 'diversity' companies would prefer someone who 'looks thepart' better than I do. I have had all kinds of experiences where I have been in photos that were retaken again and again, because the photographer couldn't make me look 'black enough', I have had dark makeup smeared all over me to make me look black on stage under strong light. I could go on and on, but it's silly to complain, it's just the way it is. I always hear blacks complaining about how their natural hair is not acceptable professionally but my experience h a s always been that when I have hair that people think is 'natural' for a black person, but which is actually a lot of trouble for me, I am accepted MUCH better by everyone, black and white. Then they can easily fit me into a category and that makes everyone sooooo happy. One reason I joined LHC was because I had destroyed my hair for the second time in my life to make it look like what people think braid outs are supposed to look like. I just decided one day, looking at the dry mess on my head, that I was going back to MY natural hair and forget everyone else and what they think a black person is 'supposed' to look like.
I just love the fact that there are so many mixed race couples now and so many biracial kids and black adoptees of white families, etc etc. I don't have to go around explain ing myself and giving people little history lessons all the time anymore, or at least a lot less than I used to. I can just say I'm black but mixed race as opposed to, 'I am black.' ' No you aren't.' 'Yes I am.' 'But then why do you look like th a t? ' Or the ever fun , 'what ARE you? ' or ' Why is your mother (brother, cousin,son) black whe you're not?' Blah blah blah blah.
Your daughter should grow up in an even nicer world.

CremeTron
January 3rd, 2015, 08:27 PM
I'm sorry that you feel guilty, it's hard not to but you shouldn't. It's not like anyone can help what they look like and you should feel free to dress nicely for you. You know all this ofcourse, but I think it helps being told what you know sometimes too.

As for hair, I've heard that this book is fantastic for understanding the history and culture around African-American hair: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hair-Story-Untangling-Roots-Black/dp/0312283229

I've not read it yet, but I've heard great things about it from African-British friends of mine (I'm in London) and it helped them feel less guilty about their hair. I also heard a podcast about it by Stuff Mum Never Told You which was fascinating, as being White British and basically going to school with 1 African-British person it was not something I'd even thought about but makes sense now that I live above a hair salon specifically for that type of hair. Thought you might find this of interest given your comment if you'd never heard about it.

Thank you for this. I didn't see your reply before. No, I had never heard of it and it sounds like an interesting read.

Bella-donna
January 4th, 2015, 07:38 PM
Yes I have... when I first met my boyfriend's female friend the first thing she said to me is "You should bleach your hair and dye it lavender" jet black to light purple?! All that bleach would make it fall out. One day she messaged me and said 'your hair is gorgeous, but it's kind of boring. Maybe you should try something new with it." I was shocked.. just such an inappropriate comment. I just responded with , 'no, I plan on having long black hair forever thanks.' She dyed her hair a different color every month and her hair was extremely damaged. My boyfriend later told me that she always said she wished she had my hair.

GreenFairy
January 4th, 2015, 11:32 PM
*Clears throat* Licensed cosmetologist here. *raises hand*

9.999 times out of ten your hairdresser is not jealous enough of your hair to cut it all off. Hairdressers live in a different world. A world where hair reaches its longest point at waist length. If a client walks in with hair past waist length, I guarantee she/he is thinking "does not compute..does not compute".

My best advice: Go to a hairdresser that you trust.. Or someone a fellow long hair recommends... but the best advice when selecting someone to cut your hair,.. look for someone with long hair to cut! Someone with short hair thinks nothing of getting cut on a regular bases.

Be very very very clear. Have the hairdresser repeat what you want back to you. Explain what you expect and explain how important your length is.


.... If you end up with hair shorter than you expect after visiting the salon a.) you failed to communicate your desires b.) the hairdresser messed up and had to keep cutting ( That happened to me once while i was still in the mannequin phase) or c.) the hairdresser thought she/he was doing you a favor by cutting off your "dead ends"

aprilshowers
August 27th, 2018, 04:46 PM
Since I have been starting to have longer hair, people have made comments that my hair is getting so long and that they are jealous. (It was my best friend and my sister.) But I do not think it is a bad thing, but I think it is a compliment :). Makes me want to keep on growing my hair longer!

Hairkay
August 29th, 2018, 08:56 AM
People tend to admire my hair and of course jealousy also is admiration. I know there are those on the forum who say hair jealousy doesn't exist, but as many here have testified, it does in the African American community, in fact it is a problem there. Hopefully this will ease as information about proper hair care for type 4 spreads. I couldn't honestly say that I ever felt a hairdresser, black or white was jealous of my hair. I felt more as if black hairdressers were so used to taking care of severely damaged and thinned hair that they got angry at the trouble it is time care for thick curly hair. In work situations I'm not sure that people get jealous of long hair do much as they want to enforce tidings and conformity. I am not sure it is jealousy when people tell people to chop because of age, either. Seems more like a conformity thing again. Between sblings, jealousy can be a factor in everything and also it exists a lot between young women because although they will deny it until they are blue in the face, the average young woman is looking for a mate, and anything perceived as an asset will cause friction. Though you can't assume this in individual cases.

I can't say that I have much experience or recognised hair jealousy for having type 4 hair longer than shoulder length. That's because of where I grew up in the Caribbean my hair was not exceptional. There were those who had much shorter hair than mine, others the same as mine around bsl and others with longer hair. The only one I think of that may have had an issue with my hair/our hair (sisters) was our babysitter who would pull our hair extremely hard when combing it. Her daughter had very short hair where as ours would be long and thick to her. I can't rule out that part of the problem was that she didn't know how to deal with our hair. My sisters all had hair the same length though hair shrinkage made our hair look slightly different lengths. Even the closest cousins had the usual hair length and hair type between us ranged from type 3 to 4c. Yes family would point out that we had different hair types and some would notice we all had different skin tones.

In school a few asked what I was (was I mixed?), others weren't bothered. I did have a time when I was very young and got targeted by an older girl who wanted to play with my hair and I left her to it until my grandmother said to stop it. In my first secondary school I was one of four children with type 4 hair in a class of type 1 hair and two others with type 2 hair. Most of the type 1 girls kept their hair asl to hip length.
I wasn't noticeable at all. Then I moved schools and I recall being in class when a girl with type 3c/4a, more cotttony than my silky similar hair had a group around her trying to convince her to put a relaxer in her hair. They said it would look wonderful because it was so thick. They said it would rival the most noticeable haired girl in our class who wore a waist long plait/braid that was as thick as our wrists all the way down. It was more noticeable than the two others with type 1 thigh length plaits/braids. Hers was type 3/4 straightened. They said the length wouldn't be the same but still the thickness will stand out. These girls never looked my way. Later the girl they tried to convince said she found my hair much more desirable than hers because of it's shine/sheen. Both of us had the same thickness and length but mine would shrink up more.

As an adult I have heard one ex friend make a comment about my hair in London. Her complaint was that she did not consider my hair to be long enough for my hair type. Her hair was currently a thinning 4 inches of relaxed hair. From pictures of what she called her "long hair" childhood it was never my length. Mostly I am insulated from such things because I don't live the salon life. I take care of my own hair due to my allergies. I got better at managing my hair and finally got more length retention all the way to my hip. Another friend regularly grows her hair to waist and cuts it back so she wouldn't complain about my hair length at all.

Groovy Granny
August 29th, 2018, 11:18 AM
:spitting: I wish :rollin:

Sarahlabyrinth
August 29th, 2018, 11:20 AM
:spitting: I wish :rollin:

Well I would LOVE to have your hair, GG! :crush: So there!

Groovy Granny
August 29th, 2018, 11:51 AM
Well I would LOVE to have your hair, GG! :crush: So there!

Oh thank you :flower:....the feeling is mutual ;)

I was thinking of real life...where they must think I am senile :rollin:

Except for family; they like it and support me :thumbsup:

GrowlingCupcake
August 29th, 2018, 01:25 PM
I've never experienced any jealousy, but my hair also isn't super long or very nice.

I've been jealous of plenty of you =P

littlestarface
August 29th, 2018, 01:44 PM
I doubt anyone is jealous of my hair but I have had a couple of instances where once I was in line at a store and this girl flips my hair and says "oo girl you better be careful with all that pretty hair, someone might come and chop it off". That scared me. Another time another girl was like " you better watch out with all that pretty hair someone might teach you a lesson" terrifying :eek:

GrowlingCupcake
August 29th, 2018, 01:54 PM
I doubt anyone is jealous of my hair but I have had a couple of instances where once I was in line at a store and this girl flips my hair and says "oo girl you better be careful with all that pretty hair, someone might come and chop it off". That scared me. Another time another girl was like " you better watch out with all that pretty hair someone might teach you a lesson" terrifying :eek:

Pft.

I'm definitely jealous of your hair. It's gorgeously long, and so beautifully wavy in all your shots.

Also, those girls seems super creepy.

Groovy Granny
August 29th, 2018, 02:00 PM
I doubt anyone is jealous of my hair but I have had a couple of instances where once I was in line at a store and this girl flips my hair and says "oo girl you better be careful with all that pretty hair, someone might come and chop it off". That scared me. Another time another girl was like " you better watch out with all that pretty hair someone might teach you a lesson" terrifying :eek:

You must know by now that I absolutely ADORE your hair :crush:

But OMG....what terrifying comments for sure :thud: :couch:

Stupid jealous @$$%^&* $ :patrol:

cjk
August 29th, 2018, 02:03 PM
I'm not sure about jealousy, but I do get attention.

Had one woman want to stroke and pet my hair the other day, two guys wanting to bury their faces in my hair and beard, another wanted to braid it, and so forth. That was just last week.

At least several times a week, random men and women want to touch my hair in intimate ways.

littlestarface
August 29th, 2018, 02:09 PM
Pft.

I'm definitely jealous of your hair. It's gorgeously long, and so beautifully wavy in all your shots.

Also, those girls seems super creepy.
Thanks so much lovely :cloud9:


You must know by now that I absolutely ADORE your hair :crush:

But OMG....what terrifying comments for sure :thud: :couch:

Stupid jealous @$$%^&* $ :patrol:
:love: Your always so sweet and kind to me love ya GG!

Very terrifying! I have no idea why I got those comments I was just standing there paying for my ice soda. I don't like when strangers pass by and play with my hair it seriously scares me :| One lady at work passed by grabbed my hair and said woow such beautiful hair" I tensed up real bad, my eyes were so wide I couldn't move an inch :rollin:

Now i';m wearing headscarf all the time even at work now.

Groovy Granny
August 29th, 2018, 02:14 PM
Thanks so much lovely :cloud9:


:love: Your always so sweet and kind to me love ya GG!

Very terrifying! I have no idea why I got those comments I was just standing there paying for my ice soda. I don't like when strangers pass by and play with my hair it seriously scares me :| One lady at work passed by grabbed my hair and said woow such beautiful hair" I tensed up real bad, my eyes were so wide I couldn't move an inch :rollin:

Now i';m wearing headscarf all the time even at work now.

I don't blame you at all!
It's one thing when people admire your hair....though 'touchy/feely' is creepy as it is....even if it is kind of positive.

But malicious and hateful destruction comments are every longhairs nightmare, and it is best you cover up as you are.
People are BAT **** CRAZY these days :tmi: :p

I wish you lived on the East Coast ...or I'll join you in your 'kingdom of roses'...I LOVE THEM ;)

Love you too ((hugs))

littlestarface
August 29th, 2018, 02:21 PM
I don't blame you at all!
It's one thing when people admire your hair....though 'touchy/feely' is creepy as it is....even if it is kind of positive.

But malicious and hateful destruction comments are every longhairs nightmare, and it is best you cover up as you are.
People are BAT **** CRAZY these days :tmi: :p

I wish you lived on the East Coast ...or I'll join you in your 'kingdom of roses'...I LOVE THEM ;)

Love you too ((hugs))

Hahaha I wish! You can come over my house (ie kingdom of roses) anytime if your ever on the west coast :hifive: :bluebiggr

Groovy Granny
August 29th, 2018, 02:25 PM
Hahaha I wish! You can come over my house (ie kingdom of roses) anytime if your ever on the west coast :hifive: :bluebiggr
Sounds good...have never been ;)

We never travel now with our health; plus our little Shih Tzu hates the car .....and I could never leave her!

But thanks ~ I've got your back from afar :hifive:

LadyLongLocks
August 29th, 2018, 03:31 PM
Not very much actually. I hide my hair in public but have had some moments online in the past! Its been peaceful for a long time though.

LadyLongLocks
August 29th, 2018, 03:35 PM
I'm not sure about jealousy, but I do get attention.

Had one woman want to stroke and pet my hair the other day, two guys wanting to bury their faces in my hair and beard, another wanted to braid it, and so forth. That was just last week.

At least several times a week, random men and women want to touch my hair in intimate ways.

Wow...that would be very uncomfortable for me! I started avoiding the attention after I just had enough of this kind of stuff and have been wearing it up since 2007 in public.
If I wore it down I would get too much attention that I no longer want. It was sort of fun at first though.If it cant be seen then nobody gets jealous, in real life anyways.

Groovy Granny
August 29th, 2018, 03:53 PM
Wow...that would be very uncomfortable for me! I started avoiding the attention after I just had enough of this kind of stuff and have been wearing it up since 2007 in public.
If I wore it down I would get too much attention that I no longer want. It was sort of fun at first though.If it cant be seen then nobody gets jealous, in real life anyways.
Yeah that is super creepy stuff cjk :tmi:


But JJJ....I have always been in awe of your hair up :crush:... I could hide my puny bun INSIDE YOURS :rollin:

What an inspiration you have been to me simce 2013...if you only knew how many times I visited your website :flower:

esfand
August 29th, 2018, 04:24 PM
I've had a certain girls tell me I'd look great with short hair while they weren't short-haired themselves, which could be a passive aggressive thing but explicitly telling me to cut my hair because it's ugly or bad? No.

I've had both guys and girls get in my personal space when I have my hair down.

Overall, I get positive attention though. :flower:

cjk
August 29th, 2018, 08:20 PM
Wow...that would be very uncomfortable for me!


Yeah that is super creepy stuff cjk

Really? It's always been like this for me. Gets annoying at times, and I know the attention I get is a bit more than average, but this is typical for me.

My mother used to think I was kidding until, while walking together downtown in a nearby town, a woman parked her car, got out, and started asking to rub my flattop.

It's crazy, but typical for me. And the attention is increasing as my length increases.

Groovy Granny
August 29th, 2018, 10:46 PM
Really? It's always been like this for me. Gets annoying at times, and I know the attention I get is a bit more than average, but this is typical for me.

My mother used to think I was kidding until, while walking together downtown in a nearby town, a woman parked her car, got out, and started asking to rub my flattop.

It's crazy, but typical for me. And the attention is increasing as my length increases.
Wow...I couldn't take that :tmi:
Hope you can find ways to deal with it if it gets to you.
You must have a magnetic personality...or face....or hair ;)

spirals
August 29th, 2018, 11:03 PM
I've dealt with it. I lost her friendship for a while but she sincerely apologized to me from the heart and straight-out admitted she was jealous (her word). I forgave her. I can never hold a grudge against a truly contrite person.

Vanillame
August 30th, 2018, 06:19 AM
Yes a step Aunt, something like the Cinderella story. At age 7 cut my waist length hair to above my ear, like a boy haircut. I was visiting my uncle (my mother's brother) out of state.

Brittny
August 30th, 2018, 09:33 AM
I'm not sure if I would consider it jealously, but I have been bullied at school for having the longest hair before. Often other kids would point out my hair and make little comments here and there. I've even had my own cousin say a few things that hurt my feelings in the past over the length of my hair because she said it was "embarrassing" to walk around with my and my hair. But now that I have grown up a little those things don't bother me as much and I'm still growing. :)

cjk
August 31st, 2018, 01:39 PM
"OMG, that mane. I'm swooning! I've got to run my fingers through it!"

It happened again. I show up to repair a commercial printer and...stroking and petting.

Maybe I need to practice looking mean.

Crna Kosa
August 31st, 2018, 02:27 PM
Only as I child . When I had long hair , maybe tailbone length my cousin used to beat me up because I used to be prettier than her ,but she was stronger and always talked about my hair, she was obssesed. She had apl/bsl hair and when I saw her next year for the holidays she had grown her hair long. Kids are dangerous .

AutobotsAttack
August 31st, 2018, 02:32 PM
Idk. Wouldn’t care if I did or didn’t

lemonlife
September 4th, 2018, 06:03 AM
No one has ever been jealous of my length. But, I have never gotten longer than BSL. I have had people jealous of the thickness of my hair. My best friend, who has super fine thin hair, has admitted to being jealous frequently. Also, people seem to think that my hair looks “messy and unprofessional “ when I let it go to its natural waves.

YvetteVarie
September 4th, 2018, 06:38 AM
I have had people make snarky comments about my hair because I do not relax it bone straight or get the weird and wonderful hairstyles they get done. They normally ask me if I belong to a cult (No, I have severe allergies to fake hair, and relaxing bone straight leads to breakage.).Then they ask me how my hair gets so long and i tell them it's because I take care of my actual hair.

sophia_
September 4th, 2018, 04:55 PM
I guess I live in a place where it's common to have long hair, I regularly see hair longer than mine. I don't encounter too much jealousy, more so a lot of people tell me (rightly so) that my ends are damaged and thin and that I'm holding on to length that needs to go, lol.

Natalia_A00
September 4th, 2018, 09:01 PM
I think very few hairdressers actually listened to what I wanted. They always cut more than what I tell them. It's annoying, that's why I hate going to the hairdresser. And when I tell them that I want to grow longer hair, they say: Omg, EVEN longer hair? That's too much. It doesn't look nice. They also say that there's a point in which hair loses its "charm" (I really don't know how to translate this word lol)
Or something like that. And my hair is only MBL. It's not that long, but it looks really long, I guess.

My friends with short hair always ask me "how much are you gonna grow your hair?". Or "omg that's too long." Or for example, a woman asked me: "aren't you hot with that long hair?" And one of my friends said: "yes, but she's gonna cut it in September." I was like hell the **** no! Not in your wildest dreams! I'm doing S&D to avoid that, the last time I went to the hairdresser I spent all the afternoon crying like there was no tomorrow.

Natalia_A00
September 4th, 2018, 09:06 PM
I guess I live in a place where it's common to have long hair, I regularly see hair longer than mine. I don't encounter too much jealousy, more so a lot of people tell me (rightly so) that my ends are damaged and thin and that I'm holding on to length that needs to go, lol.
I think where I live really long hair is not common at all. Family, hairdressers and friends keep telling me that my hair is super long and well, it's only MBL. They would freak out if they saw someone with classic length hair, for example.

ebillan
September 5th, 2018, 12:06 AM
I think where I live really long hair is not common at all. Family, hairdressers and friends keep telling me that my hair is super long and well, it's only MBL. They would freak out if they saw someone with classic length hair, for example.

Sorry to hear about all the negativity you've been receiving! From your avatar your hair looks really lovely and healthy!
I do frequently get the 'how long are you going to grow your hair?' questions, and my mum tells me I should trim it every time I see her. But it's never meant in a super negative way as far as I can tell!

nikittyy
September 21st, 2018, 04:57 PM
I've received negative comments about how it's thin and lacks volume, if that counts.

Arciela
September 21st, 2018, 05:27 PM
I've had jealousy of my hair, my appearance, my personality..had it all. And still have it.. experienced some this weekend actually! My BF cousin was trying to tell me my hair is so thin..when in reality my pony tail circumference is close to 6" now...she has a lot of self hate issues and taken it out on me before, my BF mom was laughing and told her that I have the thickest hair she has ever seen and told her to stop acting that way. Oh well lol.

In the end I just choose to ignore it and tell myself not to get bothered...people that act that way are not someone I would want to be friends with anyway.

Ligeia Noire
September 21st, 2018, 09:12 PM
Arciela having thin hair, joke of the century...

Doreen
September 21st, 2018, 09:16 PM
I assume that people who make very aggressive comments about wanting to cut my hair off or other mildly threatening/mildly disturbing/definitely inappropriate remarks are jealous. This has only happened 7 or 8 times, but it made me not want to wear my hair down as much. (For context on these comments, I had very long hair throughout all of high school. It was other female students making these remarks primarily, not random strangers in public.)

spirals
September 22nd, 2018, 12:03 PM
Arciela having thin hair, joke of the century...
Exactly. It covers her whole back.

Estrid
September 22nd, 2018, 01:40 PM
I can't think of any action/comment that could've been jealousy, my hair might've been too short for such things to ever happen though. I also don't know if it would be that easy to recognise if it happened. People like different things, so a snarky comment about disliking my hair might just be their true opinion, how am I supposed to know? :p

TarsusIV
September 22nd, 2018, 01:46 PM
Ironically enough, my mom is always jealous of my hair. My hair is thick and long (and it grows pretty fast) and she's always had really thin hair that barely grows. She always said she wishes she could just borrow a bit of mine! But it's all in good nature.

postpixie88
September 25th, 2018, 11:37 AM
Never had any jealousy (my hair isn't long), but I've definitely been on the jealous end of interactions. I would never express it in a mean way, I only want to be loving and supportive, but I have a couple friends who started growing out their hair around the time I tried to grow out mine and their hair looks amazing now. It reminds me where I could be if I didn't cut/dye/other impulsive mistake, so it's definitely frustration towards myself more than anything else but it can feel like jealousy when I haven't been seeing my own progress!

lithostoic
September 25th, 2018, 03:34 PM
Nah my hair is nothing special. There are tons of people in my town with hair longer and healthier than mine. If someone told me they were jealous of my hair I'd tell them they need their eyes checked lmao

martyna_22
September 25th, 2018, 03:42 PM
Not really jealousy, people appreciate it and often speak their mid about it. My mom loves my hair and keeps telling me she wishes she had it like mine (she has hair loss problem and really thin hair herself). Also my hairdresser, my friends etc. comment on how nice my hair is.

thunderseed
September 25th, 2018, 08:17 PM
Well, first of all I don't think anyone hates long hair.

I think there are probably folks who look at long hair and think "wow that's beautiful but I would never want long hair personally because it would get in my way or be too high maintenance etc" but they still appreciate the beauty of long hair and how impressive it is.

But those people that insult long hair are obviously jealous. People only insult other people when they are feeling threatened, and usually that's because they are jealous or feeling like that person is bragging or claiming to be superior so they feel the need to defend themselves. They think, this person has longer hair than me, so I need to look for one flaw in their hair and point it out to them and really exaggerate it so that I can feel better about not having long hair.

That video would be a great example of that, because people might be assuming she's trying to appear "better than them" or like she's showing off her hair or bragging about it, so they feel the need to defend themselves even more so.

Obviously, if you have super long gorgeous hair, and you are walking into a salon full of short haired people, it's basically like a giant "f u" to all of them, only the really confident ones can handle their jealousy with compliments, the others turn to insults.

But on top of that, as soon as you tell your stylist you are just in for a trim and not a real hair cut, she is thinking why are they even here, it's a huge waste of my time and if you start talking about how much you love long hair, they will think you're bragging, which makes them silently hate you even more.

And then if you have a hair dresser who isn't very confident with working on long hair (which is quite a few of them) they will literally be scared to work on your hair, because they are only used to working on people who don't care about damage or mistakes. When people are scared, they have the tendency to become rude. It is easier for hair dressers to work on short hair than it is to work on long hair, just because it's daunting to work on long hair, especially on someone who has a lot of pride in their long hair and won't tolerate mistakes.

At least that's my theory behind why some hairdressers act so snotty, while other's don't. I mean I get people telling me they are jealous of my hair all the time, so I know a lot of people are jealous of my hair, plus I get jealous of other people's long hair, so it's possible for sure. And the thing is, we all know people deal with jealousy differently. Some people just express it in humour and compliments, others become catty and snotty.

cjk
September 25th, 2018, 08:26 PM
The only ones I've had admit jealousy to me, are hair stylists. They take one look at my hair, their jaws drop, and they have to touch it.

Curiously, one of them is also a curly and works at a Deva salon.

Spikey
September 25th, 2018, 09:57 PM
Well, first of all I don't think anyone hates long hair.

I think there are probably folks who look at long hair and think "wow that's beautiful but I would never want long hair personally because it would get in my way or be too high maintenance etc" but they still appreciate the beauty of long hair and how impressive it is.

....They think, this person has longer hair than me, so I need to look for one flaw in their hair and point it out to them and really exaggerate it so that I can feel better about not having long hair.

Obviously, if you have super long gorgeous hair, and you are walking into a salon full of short haired people, it's basically like a giant "f u" to all of them, only the really confident ones can handle their jealousy with compliments, the others turn to insults.


I disagree with this. It is absolutely possible to honestly dislike long hair. In fact, I think many people these days prefer short hair because they like the way it looks. You talk about it as if short haired people are somehow defective and deep down feel bad about having sort hair, so they try to cover their "flaw" by lashing out? This doesn't make sense to me. You assume all people are jealous of longhairs because we are somehow superior beings. No. I have friends that think long hair looks bad on people. They don't do this because they are jealous, they just don't like the way it looks. Human beings have opinions. Just because someone says something negative about your hair, it doesn't mean that your wonderfulness and superiority are making them insecure, they might just hold a different opinion. My two cents.

Todd
September 27th, 2018, 08:12 AM
My dad dislikes long hair. Its probably safe to say he hates it. Not just MY hair (I'm a guy and he believes guys shouldn't have long hair), but everyone's long hair. The TV news will have a new gal doing the weather and if she has long hair, or curly or lots of volume, he'll make a comment. Look at that tacky, unkempt hair! People on TV, customers in restaurants, complete strangers... He'll always make a comment. He's always been this way.

M3DUS4
November 1st, 2018, 04:30 PM
what an awful thing to do. How did you react when you'd realized that she'd cut off so much?

Milkchocolate
November 6th, 2018, 01:12 PM
I was in the womenís restroom the other day and this woman grabbed my hair and pretended to make scissoring motions with her hands with a pretend mad face. I know I should take it more lightheartedly but I donít like when strangers touch my hair!!! =/ then she asked me if I was ever going to cut it and I just said no then walked away lol.

xoAshley
November 6th, 2018, 01:18 PM
I was in the women’s restroom the other day and this woman grabbed my hair and pretended to make scissoring motions with her hands with a pretend mad face. I know I should take it more lightheartedly but I don’t like when strangers touch my hair!!! =/ then she asked me if I was ever going to cut it and I just said no then walked away lol.

WOW, I would be so upset. That is not okay! Personal BUBBLE! Rude :steam

Ligeia Noire
November 6th, 2018, 01:19 PM
You kidding? You took it very well. I would have definetely punched her right in the face.

xoAshley
November 6th, 2018, 01:20 PM
You kidding? You took it very well. I would have definetely punched her right in the face.

:applause

Yes.

Ligeia Noire
November 6th, 2018, 01:22 PM
Man I am open to talk and questions and even touching if they ask but some behaviours are just asking for it... Grrrrr

*Wednesday*
November 6th, 2018, 01:32 PM
I was in the womenís restroom the other day and this woman grabbed my hair and pretended to make scissoring motions with her hands with a pretend mad face. I know I should take it more lightheartedly but I donít like when strangers touch my hair!!! =/ then she asked me if I was ever going to cut it and I just said no then walked away lol.

It's like touching a body part. Sorry you had to go through that.

nycelle
November 6th, 2018, 01:43 PM
I was in the women’s restroom the other day and this woman grabbed my hair and pretended to make scissoring motions with her hands with a pretend mad face. I know I should take it more lightheartedly but I don’t like when strangers touch my hair!!! =/ then she asked me if I was ever going to cut it and I just said no then walked away lol.

Whoa.
I would of lifted my arm and made the knife stabbing motion at her. What a bish..

Dark40
November 6th, 2018, 04:17 PM
Have you dealt with women jealous of your hair? I had a Scissor happy hair dresser when i was a freshman. may hair wasnt that long. it was waist length, i asked her to cut it half an inch, and showed her with my finger but she butchered my hair up to my shoulder. i looked like dora the explorer :sad:sad chinese lady was just jealous. after that i learnt to cut my own hair.
I
anyone dealt with jealous by a scissor-happy hair dresser, or a friend who insisted to cut your hair short? What about people assuming you wear a weave or extensions? I've dealt with girls like that too.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've always dealt with jealousy too but not with being scissor happy. I've had others assuming that I was wearing a weave or extensions. They would pull on my hair to see if it's real or not, and my hair was down my back. Or, what you could say that it was waist length as a child.

Dark40
November 6th, 2018, 04:22 PM
I was in the womenís restroom the other day and this woman grabbed my hair and pretended to make scissoring motions with her hands with a pretend mad face. I know I should take it more lightheartedly but I donít like when strangers touch my hair!!! =/ then she asked me if I was ever going to cut it and I just said no then walked away lol.

Awwwww, Milkchocolate. I'm so sorry you went through that. You did the right thing to answer her back no then walked away lol. I don't understand why nowadays some people that are not into growing or having long hair want everybody else to have short hair? Oh, I understand why. Because, they want people like us to keep up with the latest haircuts and latest trends. But, you do have a right to not follow the latest hair trends.

shaluwm_agape
November 6th, 2018, 05:37 PM
My hair isn't "long" yet but yes I do and the longer it gets the worse the comments get

M.McDonough
November 6th, 2018, 11:00 PM
Have you dealt with women jealous of your hair? I had a Scissor happy hair dresser when i was a freshman. may hair wasnt that long. it was waist length, i asked her to cut it half an inch, and showed her with my finger but she butchered my hair up to my shoulder. i looked like dora the explorer :sad:sad chinese lady was just jealous. after that i learnt to cut my own hair.
I
anyone dealt with jealous by a scissor-happy hair dresser, or a friend who insisted to cut your hair short? What about people assuming you wear a weave or extensions? I've dealt with girls like that too.

Shoulder length? you should have killed her

M.McDonough
November 6th, 2018, 11:08 PM
Yes, all the time. I have an uncle who constantly comments on my hair like every other time we meet each other. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or dislike of long hair since I'm a guy. I don't wanna spend much time around him because of that, but the next time he comments I'm not gonna let it slide.

Milkchocolate
November 6th, 2018, 11:53 PM
Happy you guys understand where Iím coming from about strangers touching the hair! The worst though is when they start dangling it in the air like itís a specimen..hahah oh gosh

WyntreBlossom
November 6th, 2018, 11:56 PM
I havn't experienced this myself, but I refuse to wear my hair down in public unless its braided or bunned, and my hair still isn't super long so that may be why. Still some of these stories are horrible, and make me wonder if I will ever wear my hair down in public on a normal day.

Katsura
November 7th, 2018, 12:23 AM
I haven't experienced any acts of jealousy, my hair is tied up most of the time and it isn't that special anyway. There's a saying in my country that one with good fortune should hide it. I guess jealousy comes easy.

frostedeyes
March 7th, 2019, 07:46 PM
I have experienced jealousy and hairdressers who cut too much off. In fact, getting my hair cut shorter significantly than requested was always the norm for me since they never wanted to deal with my kind of hair and I was always too polite to say that I hated how short they’d cut off.

The last time I went to a hairdresser to get my hair dyed, she kept asking if I wanted a haircut, and I held my ground. I’m not here to make any hairdresser’s job easier. (I have very thick, wavy, coarse hair that takes forever to dry and needs tons of dye.) I’m paying you hundreds of dollars for you to do your job, the way I ask. Not what you think is best for me.

As for jealousy, I have experienced that people tell me how “ugly” long hair is and that it lacks “style”.

Lizabeth94
March 7th, 2019, 08:24 PM
My dad dislikes long hair. Its probably safe to say he hates it. Not just MY hair (I'm a guy and he believes guys shouldn't have long hair), but everyone's long hair. The TV news will have a new gal doing the weather and if she has long hair, or curly or lots of volume, he'll make a comment. Look at that tacky, unkempt hair! People on TV, customers in restaurants, complete strangers... He'll always make a comment. He's always been this way.

Iím so sorry, long hair is great on guys too. Donít listen to him!

Lizabeth94
March 7th, 2019, 08:27 PM
Yes, all the time. I have an uncle who constantly comments on my hair like every other time we meet each other. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or dislike of long hair since I'm a guy. I don't wanna spend much time around him because of that, but the next time he comments I'm not gonna let it slide.

Long hair is great on guys too, don’t listen to him, he needs to mind his own business.

cjk
March 7th, 2019, 10:30 PM
Oh yes, absolutely! Mostly from women and hairdressers.

nycelle
March 8th, 2019, 09:22 AM
I don't assume people are jealous if they say they dont like long hair, or tell me I need a trim, or how a particular style would look better on me.
I get that from women who are very into fashion and current trends, so it makes sense they prefer certain hair styles.

I guess I just don't think most comments come from jealousy.

tekla
March 8th, 2019, 09:31 AM
I don't assume people are jealous if they say they dont like long hair, or tell me I need a trim, or how a particular style would look better on me.
I get that from women who are very into fashion and current trends, so it makes sense they prefer certain hair styles.

I guess I just don't think most comments come from jealousy.

I agree. Sometimes there seems to be a weird tendency to label different opinions as jealousy. Personally I'm very hesitant to read meaning into other people's words or action and prefer to keep an open and positive mind about their motivations. There's also a huge difference between jealousy and admiration with a hint of frustration. Jealousy is a negative, even toxic feeling and rarely anything good comes out of it. Admiration in the sense "I wish I had X as well!" might be productive and encourage people to actively pursue their goals, whatever they are.

tekla
March 8th, 2019, 09:31 AM
Oops, computer froze for a second and I accidentally double posted.

Wavykate
March 8th, 2019, 10:16 AM
I havenít had anyone be jealous to my face but when I met up with a friend after my recent big chop she was so excited, not because she loved it but now her hair was longer than mine and she basically had been secretly seething that her hair would never be as long! Now Iím the one who gets jealous of others hair but itís in the most amazing condition now so shouldnít complain!

SimplySmile
March 8th, 2019, 02:53 PM
I have family that does hair and they would always say when are you going to cut your hair. You need a new style. We should freshen up your look.. I finally caved in and let my cousin chop off my TBL hair to a little above BSL. Worse mistake ever. But now I am on a growing mission! I will not listen to the haters this time!

nycelle
March 8th, 2019, 02:54 PM
I agree. Sometimes there seems to be a weird tendency to label different opinions as jealousy. Personally I'm very hesitant to read meaning into other people's words or action and prefer to keep an open and positive mind about their motivations. There's also a huge difference between jealousy and admiration with a hint of frustration. Jealousy is a negative, even toxic feeling and rarely anything good comes out of it. Admiration in the sense "I wish I had X as well!" might be productive and encourage people to actively pursue their goals, whatever they are.

Well said.

Gem
March 8th, 2019, 08:56 PM
I have a friend who is a very jealous generally, but it's because she doesn't like some things about her life right now. She's jealous of my hair because hers is thinning and she's jealous of my boyfriend because her marriage is in trouble.
It's awkward, but I recognize that it comes from a place of pain and try to handle it gracefully.

AmaryllisRed
March 8th, 2019, 10:02 PM
I've never experienced that mean kind of jealousy. I've had friends express that they wish they could braid their hair like I do or that theirs was thicker/thinner like mine or that theirs would grow as fast as mine. But it's always from people who know me, who are kind about it and mean it in a complimentary way.

Strangers don't know how long my hair is and also strangers almost never talk to me. I have one of those faces. ;)

trolleypup
March 9th, 2019, 01:08 PM
Yes, this morning, "I am SO ****ing jealous. Even as a kid mine wouldn't grow past my shoulders. You look lovely."

Ylva
March 9th, 2019, 01:12 PM
Yes, this morning, "I am SO ****ing jealous. Even as a kid mine wouldn't grow past my shoulders. You look lovely."

That is a wonderful photo!

Begemot
March 9th, 2019, 02:49 PM
Nope, don't think so.

The Lizard Wife
March 22nd, 2019, 09:11 PM
(this is a technically true but very silly response)

Oh yes definitely all the time, Katia_K usually tells me once a week that she's jealous of how long my hair looks and how quickly it seems to be growing out and how she hates me, and I always tell her the same thing:

"Yes good hate my hair more, the hatred makes it grow faster and stronger and more luxurious."

Katia_k
March 22nd, 2019, 09:41 PM
(this is a technically true but very silly response)

Oh yes definitely all the time, Katia_K usually tells me once a week that she's jealous of how long my hair looks and how quickly it seems to be growing out and how she hates me, and I always tell her the same thing:

"Yes good hate my hair more, the hatred makes it grow faster and stronger and more luxurious."

This is absolutely true. Her hair grows like a weed it is already longer than mine, and it seems to thrive on my envy. :D

The Lizard Wife
March 22nd, 2019, 10:31 PM
This is absolutely true. Her hair grows like a weed it is already longer than mine, and it seems to thrive on my envy. :D

Well I'm jealous that her hair can make cute average-sized buns and other neat updos without looking like a giant mop of barely-contained hair that's almost bigger than the back of her head so I guess we're even ;)

SwanFeathers
April 8th, 2019, 10:01 AM
Oh yes, my little sister and I are two years apart, and all growing up we went round and round over who's hair was the longest/shiniest/thickest/most stylish. She has hair so dark its almost black and her texture is pin straight with thick strands, while mine ranged from light to med brown with wavy fine strands.
Luckily now that we are adults we are in a better place. We are the only longhairs in the family so we have to unite to fight off everyone else! She's actually the only peraon outside of LHC that I can talk hair with. :)

Milkchocolate
April 19th, 2019, 12:27 PM
Yesterday a woman asked me over and over again if my hair was ďrealĒ and if they ďreally werenít extensionsĒ. I said it was real about 3 times. Then she immediately asked if I was going to ever cut it short. I said no and she gave me an offended look. Like ..whatís it to you?? Why does it matter to you?? -_- I donít understand why people can be so nosy lol. It just left me kind of annoyed!!