hair donation questions outside of the USA?

[metztlie]

I'm amazed, really amazed.
All you girls and guys out here who get all these questions about donating your hair (or just telling you to do so).
I got this question from my mother yesterday.
A friend of theirs has cancer and commented on my hair to them.
Not about having it or that I should donate, but just that she adored it.
So my mom asked me if I would consider donating it to her.
And I would in a heartbeat if she asked me.

And then it hit me.
I never EVER had that question before.
Are there any of you outside of the US who had this question asked?
And where those strangers, or is it just a US thing?

[cathair]

My brother cut off his hair, because someone with cancer said they would make it into a wig if he did. He had much thicker and straighter hair than mine. Then they didn't use it. His hip length ponytail still lives in a wooden box at that person's house to this day. I thought it was very sad, but my brother fortunately didn't seem too bothered.

[metztlie]

Ohw that's just mean.
Fortunately your brother doesn't mind.
It would freak me out.

[cathair]

I have the feeling he felt like it was time for him to cut his hair anyway and it maybe gave him a reason to do it. I would have been very freaked out too though! Fortunately no one has ever asked for mine :) If people feel like they can and it gets put to good use it's a very generous thing to do.

[Timea]

no one ever asked me to donate my hair. plenty told me to cut it because it was unfashionable though.

[metztlie]

If people see me and think I would care about fashion, they need glasses ;)
So never heard that one.
I think it's a stupid reason to cut your hair.

[MINAKO]

Totally honest, if i'd knew someone with cancer and they would personally ask me to cut my hair, i would not do it. The fake hair market is booming anyways and there are plenty of synthetic or real human hair choices for wigs available that don't cost a fortune, so no way!
If i would want to cut it anyways i would not have a problem giving it away, but then again i would never send it to an organization like LOL, bacause they resell it, so the donation doesn't really work out at all.

[chen bao jun]

I think it might be expensive and complicated to arrange to make a wig out of someone's donated hair by yourself and probably more than a person with cancer (who is busy with dr. appointments and sick with radiation) can deal with. Probably the person thought it was a good idea then found it was too difficult to manage with cathair's brother's hair. It was a very loving gesture on his part whether he wanted to cut his hair at that point or not.
I have had friends and a sister in law with cancer and they simply bought synthetic wigs which are easily available and cheap and non-itchy and some of them didn't even wear wigs--one wore a baseball cap all the time when she was bald and others wore scarfs. In all these cases, though they were sad to lose their own hair, it was not the biggest thing on their mind. And then they recovered and grew their own hair back. It is now 10 years since my sister in law had cancer and she has back the thickest head of silky hair you can imagine, it looks like more than she initially had, actually.
All this to say that I do not see that someone should be guilted into cutting their hair off even for a friend who has cancer, and it is actually an odd friend who would ask for such a huge gesture. If you yourself want to shave your head in solidarity or something, that is sweet, but I just totally don't get the point with this, people have cancer and lose their hair so nobody else should have long hair, thing.
For the record, my dad died of a very virulent form of prostate cancer that the men in my family tend to die of. He had chemotherapy and radiation and did not lose his hair, but he lost his life instead. He was very vain of his gorgeous and very thick black hair which made him appear to be years younger than he was (he died at 70, still barely grey), but it was not a priority with him anymore in his last days. I remember people telling him how handsome he still was and his saying that yes, he looked better than 99% of his contemporaries but he was going to look good in a coffin, so what was the point.
I just think some perspective is needed here and some things are not about looks and cancer is one of them, honestly. It's about recovery--and if people survive then their own hair usually grows back rather quickly. there are people on these boards who have had cancer and been bald and recovered and now have extremely long LHC hair.

[metztlie]

Totally honest, if i'd knew someone with cancer and they would personally ask me to cut my hair, i would not do it. The fake hair market is booming anyways and there are plenty of synthetic or real human hair choices for wigs available that don't cost a fortune, so no way!
If i would want to cut it anyways i would not have a problem giving it away, but then again i would never send it to an organization like LOL, bacause they resell it, so the donation doesn't really work out at all.

That's the reason I'm pretty sure she won't ask ;)
And the fact that she told me that synthetic wigs are a lot more comfortable than real hair ones.
But if it would be arranged and she'd only need hair I'd do it.
I would feel honoured.

I would never donate to lol or such (oh the horror stories).

[cathair]

My brother would have helped them with getting the wig made, but after a few synthetic wigs were tried, I think the idea just lost it's appeal. Of course you are right chen bao jun all that matters is surviving when it comes down to something as serious as this. But this persons hair did not grow back after radiotherapy, it was permanently lost.

[chelsea89ms]

Looking at pictures of synthetic vs human hair wigs I honestly can't tell the difference, but thats just me. Im shocked that LOL resells the donated hair, thats just awful. Its a terrible thing when people try to get you to cut your hair when you don't want to. I have never been asked to donate my hair. If I was I would explain to them that having long hair is important to me, not to mention it grows at a snail pace. A friend has tried to talk me into getting a bob saying that my curly hair would look so much better. As much as I love her it is my hair and I would never get it cut unless thats what I wanted.

[chelsea89ms]

Whoops just realized you were asking about outside the US, my apologies.

[Timea]

If people see me and think I would care about fashion, they need glasses ;)
So never heard that one.
I think it's a stupid reason to cut your hair.

me neither i don't care about fashion. :)

[FireFromWithin]

My mum is currently undergoing chemo and the fact that she's lost most of her hair is secondary. The fact that the treatment makes her exhausted and causes her lots of pain is the main issue. But she knows it will be over soon. She's over half way through and although she does have to worry about possibly burning her scalp in the sun she isn't keen on wearing a wig at all as it would be very hot and uncomfortable. She has hats and a few funky scarves.

I think one of the main problems with losing your hair during chemo is that it's an outward sign that you are sick as well as a constant reminder. Many people, like me, have a lot of their own belief of their appearance in their hair or a lot of their self worth. Everything about the illness gets mixed up in this. In my mother's case, she started trying to avoid losing her hair but the pain of the cold cap wasn't worth it and she has always had short hair that she didn't care overly much about. She looks good with no hair, I think she'd look good with any hairstyle. I'm just glad that she'd alright, I know many people are less lucky is catching things so early.

[Wosie]

FireFromWithin, I'm sorry to hear about your mother. :( I truly wish for a speedy recovery for her. :blossom:

---

No, I have never gotten the question. A big reason for this is because my hair hasn't been unusually long since I was ~15, and also, I don't think this is a thing in Sweden. I would be very surprised to get the question, no matter how long my hair was.

[lapushka]

My mum is currently undergoing chemo and the fact that she's lost most of her hair is secondary. The fact that the treatment makes her exhausted and causes her lots of pain is the main issue. But she knows it will be over soon. She's over half way through and although she does have to worry about possibly burning her scalp in the sun she isn't keen on wearing a wig at all as it would be very hot and uncomfortable. She has hats and a few funky scarves.

I think one of the main problems with losing your hair during chemo is that it's an outward sign that you are sick as well as a constant reminder. Many people, like me, have a lot of their own belief of their appearance in their hair or a lot of their self worth. Everything about the illness gets mixed up in this. In my mother's case, she started trying to avoid losing her hair but the pain of the cold cap wasn't worth it and she has always had short hair that she didn't care overly much about. She looks good with no hair, I think she'd look good with any hairstyle. I'm just glad that she'd alright, I know many people are less lucky is catching things so early.

Wishing your mom a good recovery. I hope she'll be well again soon! :) :flower:

[chelsea89ms]

I am sorry to hear that, I hope she feels better soon.

[chen bao jun]

I hope your mom has a great recovery.
I am sorry about the person who never got their hair back, but at least they are alive. My dad has been dead 14 years now, I know it is selfish to want him back but I would love to hear his voice again and see him, I wouldn't care if he were bald or what he looked like at all. I wish my youngest son could remember him at all.
What's a cold cap?

[Rosetta]

I've never, ever had that asked from me, nor have I never heard of anyone else being asked such a question (apart from this forum), so it really seems to be a specifically US thing.

(My best friend went through chemo two years ago, and this didn't even enter our or anyone else's mind...)

[metztlie]

FireFromWithin I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she gets better soon.

The reason anyone I know who battled cancer would wear a wig, was so they can get outside without being stared at and just enjoy being outside.


But why is it so big in the US? Are there a lot of commercials?

[Rosetta]

The reason anyone I know who battled cancer would wear a wig, was so they can get outside without being stared at and just enjoy being outside.
Of course they'd want wear a wig, my friend did too (she even got a free wig via health authorites at the start of her treatment), but I really don't know why the wig would have to be made of hair of someone you know...! I guess that's just totally strange to us even as an idea.

[lapushka]

But why is it so big in the US? Are there a lot of commercials?

I think it's been all over news segments and news shows over there. Particularly promoting the LOL organization.

[Kimberly]

Last thing I need is some nosey, pushy jerk reminding me of the chronic pain, mutilation, and fear of reoccurrence I have to try to ignore every day. Too many of these Locks of Love jerks, along with well-meaning Relay For Life clods, pressure people they don't know. They either don't know or don't care if they might be causing some cancer survivor or sufferer to have hours of horrifying flashback-style nightmares that evening. No, all they know is that it is considered righteous to donate your hair, and that it is convenient when you were feeling like getting a new style anyway and some salon is giving free LOL cuts. And once you've donated your hair, you get to feel holier than those whose hair is still on their heads, even if some of that hair is still on the heads of actual quiet cancer survivors.

I never wanted anyone to donate their hair for me, even when mine was falling out by the handful. All I wanted was someone to offer to vacuum my room, so the crunchy bits in the carpet wouldn't hurt my feet and make me feel as if I was living and potentially about to die in filth. But that doesn't come with a free hair cut, or an event in a park with a lot of balloons. Why is it that people brag and brag about donating their hair, or walking a few laps at a giant party, but the people who actually drive a cancer patient to appointments, pick up their groceries, clean their catbox, hold their hand -- those people don't get a purple t-shirt proclaiming them a hero?

Sorry that this is sort of a vent-y post. I am holed up in my house today avoiding the local RFL, because (thanks to nagging a-holes when I was sick) the logo makes me feel ill.

[kaydana]

Last thing I need is some nosey, pushy jerk reminding me of the chronic pain, mutilation, and fear of reoccurrence I have to try to ignore every day. Too many of these Locks of Love jerks, along with well-meaning Relay For Life clods, pressure people they don't know. They either don't know or don't care if they might be causing some cancer survivor or sufferer to have hours of horrifying flashback-style nightmares that evening. No, all they know is that it is considered righteous to donate your hair, and that it is convenient when you were feeling like getting a new style anyway and some salon is giving free LOL cuts. And once you've donated your hair, you get to feel holier than those whose hair is still on their heads, even if some of that hair is still on the heads of actual quiet cancer survivors.

I never wanted anyone to donate their hair for me, even when mine was falling out by the handful. All I wanted was someone to offer to vacuum my room, so the crunchy bits in the carpet wouldn't hurt my feet and make me feel as if I was living and potentially about to die in filth. But that doesn't come with a free hair cut, or an event in a park with a lot of balloons. Why is it that people brag and brag about donating their hair, or walking a few laps at a giant party, but the people who actually drive a cancer patient to appointments, pick up their groceries, clean their catbox, hold their hand -- those people don't get a purple t-shirt proclaiming them a hero?

Sorry that this is sort of a vent-y post. I am holed up in my house today avoiding the local RFL, because (thanks to nagging a-holes when I was sick) the logo makes me feel ill.

The people who really care don't want the purple t-shirt. Knowing that they've helped someone, even if it's just a little bit, is enough of a reward.

If I know someone's donated their hair my first thought is "attention seeker" not "oh what a wonderful and special person they are." Wonderful and special people sacrifice their time and energy to improve the lives of others for the sake of improving the lives of others, attention seekers make small but very visible sacrifices that require minimal time commitments and make very little difference.

[Kimberly]

The people who really care don't want the purple t-shirt. Knowing that they've helped someone, even if it's just a little bit, is enough of a reward.

If I know someone's donated their hair my first thought is "attention seeker" not "oh what a wonderful and special person they are." Wonderful and special people sacrifice their time and energy to improve the lives of others for the sake of improving the lives of others, attention seekers make small but very visible sacrifices that require minimal time commitments and make very little difference.

That's it exactly! What a solid post.

[FireFromWithin]

Thank you for the kind wishes for my mum! And a cold cap is exactly what it sound like. A cap attached to a large machine that freezes your scalp to -6 degrees Celsius to prevent hair loss. Only if you touch your hair for two days afterwards you can damage the hair follicle and cause it to permenantly fall out. Mum got through one session and only because I was there to help, hold her hand, distract her, give her foot massages. She didn't do it the next time and got used to the idea of having no hair for a few months.

Kimberly I wish people didn't feel the need to pressure anyone with things like this and wanted to send you big hugs for whenever you get flashbacks.

Here it's mostly running for research fundraising. But there's also not much pressure to do that which is good. The adverts a bit of a kick in the teeth sometimes though.

[Nadine <3]

The people who really care don't want the purple t-shirt. Knowing that they've helped someone, even if it's just a little bit, is enough of a reward.

If I know someone's donated their hair my first thought is "attention seeker" not "oh what a wonderful and special person they are." Wonderful and special people sacrifice their time and energy to improve the lives of others for the sake of improving the lives of others, attention seekers make small but very visible sacrifices that require minimal time commitments and make very little difference.

Really? My best friend donated her hair a few years back. She certainly was not seeking attention when she did it, she honestly just wanted to try and help. People who haven't had cancer don't know what it's like and we can't all hold someones hand when they go through it. Regardless of where the hair went, it was a nice gesture that she made. Sure there are people who flaunt it and announce "Oh yeah I donated my hair to all the poor cancer patience, BLAH BLAH BLAH...but not everyone who donates their hair is an attention seeker.

My hair has never been long enough to really get this question, but a friend of mine does and she just says "maybe" and leaves it at that.

[Kimberly]

FireFromWithin, thank you, and hugs to you and your mom!


Thank you for the kind wishes for my mum! And a cold cap is exactly what it sound like. A cap attached to a large machine that freezes your scalp to -6 degrees Celsius to prevent hair loss. Only if you touch your hair for two days afterwards you can damage the hair follicle and cause it to permenantly fall out. Mum got through one session and only because I was there to help, hold her hand, distract her, give her foot massages. She didn't do it the next time and got used to the idea of having no hair for a few months.

Kimberly I wish people didn't feel the need to pressure anyone with things like this and wanted to send you big hugs for whenever you get flashbacks.

Here it's mostly running for research fundraising. But there's also not much pressure to do that which is good. The adverts a bit of a kick in the teeth sometimes though.

[Mya]

Never happened to me or to anyone I know. Actually, never heard of that happening elsewhere other than the USA and I honestly hope it will stay that way (of course I also hope it will stop in the USA). Since hair is part of the body, and physical inviolability is a human right, the widespread assumption you have to give up a part of your body for a higher cause is creepy and sounds like an echo from uncivilized times. So it kind of irks me when I read about the attempts to guilt LHCers into hair donation. Still, as other posters highlight, all that display of generosity often is far from people's real needs.

[kaydana]

Really? My best friend donated her hair a few years back. She certainly was not seeking attention when she did it, she honestly just wanted to try and help. People who haven't had cancer don't know what it's like and we can't all hold someones hand when they go through it. Regardless of where the hair went, it was a nice gesture that she made. Sure there are people who flaunt it and announce "Oh yeah I donated my hair to all the poor cancer patience, BLAH BLAH BLAH...but not everyone who donates their hair is an attention seeker.

My hair has never been long enough to really get this question, but a friend of mine does and she just says "maybe" and leaves it at that.

People who really want to help, help. They don't just chop off a foot of hair and call the job done. :shrug:

[Mya]

FireFromWithin I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she gets better soon.

The reason anyone I know who battled cancer would wear a wig, was so they can get outside without being stared at and just enjoy being outside.


But why is it so big in the US? Are there a lot of commercials?

It seems to me (mainly from the news about stars) that in the USA there's a huge market of charity and good deeds in general, not only LoL. Or at least there's much advertising of those. I think it compensates for the lack of welfare state.

[Kimberly]

Really? My best friend donated her hair a few years back. She certainly was not seeking attention when she did it, she honestly just wanted to try and help. People who haven't had cancer don't know what it's like and we can't all hold someones hand when they go through it. Regardless of where the hair went, it was a nice gesture that she made. Sure there are people who flaunt it and announce "Oh yeah I donated my hair to all the poor cancer patience, BLAH BLAH BLAH...but not everyone who donates their hair is an attention seeker.

My hair has never been long enough to really get this question, but a friend of mine does and she just says "maybe" and leaves it at that.

It is unfortunate that your friend's quiet donation has been overshadowed here by the result of masses of vocal, visible, rude a-holes who feel it is okay to try to use guilt in order to extort charity from strangers. If all the donation seekers really did leave off with a simple answer like "maybe" or "no" I wouldn't be posting here. I'm glad your friend hasn't encountered the aggressive type of donation demander.

Incidentally, if someone wants to help cancer sufferers and isn't sure how, I would suggest contacting a local hospice for suggestions that won't take any longer than getting a haircut. :blossom:

[lapushka]

People who really want to help, help. They don't just chop off a foot of hair and call the job done. :shrug:

Yes, you could always volunteer for cancer organizations or the like, or even help patients with daily tasks - if you so choose. It's easier to go and chop your hair off and think you actually did something (what did you do, exactly?)

[Kimberly]

It seems to me (mainly from the news about stars) that in the USA there's a huge market of charity and good deeds in general, not only LoL. Or at least there's much advertising of those. I think it compensates for the lack of welfare state.

Nonprofits are big business in the States. I mean, aside from the fact that someone running a not-for-profit corporation can still draw a fat salary and live a really nice life, celebrities and businesses often get involved in charity for the publicity. Slap a pink ribbon on any piece-o-crap product and watch it sell like mad (generating far more profit than the tiny percentage they pledge to donate for every purchase). Offer free haircuts to LOL donators and get a feature story of free publicity for your salon in the local paper. Donate some balloons to a Relay for Life event and put up your company's name on a big banner, and deduct the cost of the balloons and banner from your taxes -- cheaper than buying ads! Company getting bad press? Make a high-profile donation to some worthy cause, get lots of positive press (and don't forget to take your tax deduction). And if you are a celebrity who needs more buzz, why, you can go on Oprah and donate a few inches of hair!

All of them will tell you how much they care. Some of them do.

[lapushka]

Nonprofits are big business in the States. I mean, aside from the fact that someone running a not-for-profit corporation can still draw a fat salary and live a really nice life, celebrities and businesses often get involved in charity for the publicity. Slap a pink ribbon on any piece-o-crap product and watch it sell like mad (generating far more profit than the tiny percentage they pledge to donate for every purchase). Offer free haircuts to LOL donators and get a feature story of free publicity for your salon in the local paper. Donate some balloons to a Relay for Life event and put up your company's name on a big banner, and deduct the cost of the balloons and banner from your taxes -- cheaper than buying ads! Company getting bad press? Make a high-profile donation to some worthy cause, get lots of positive press (and don't forget to take your tax deduction). And if you are a celebrity who needs more buzz, why, you can go on Oprah and donate a few inches of hair!

All of them will tell you how much they care. Some of them do.

I think that's well put, and the bottom line, tax deductions and your own profit. This is unlike the regular joe who will donate out of pocket without being able to get said tax deduction (maybe if he contributes well enough).

[kitana97]

Totally honest, if i'd knew someone with cancer and they would personally ask me to cut my hair, i would not do it. The fake hair market is booming anyways and there are plenty of synthetic or real human hair choices for wigs available that don't cost a fortune, so no way!
If i would want to cut it anyways i would not have a problem giving it away, but then again i would never send it to an organization like LOL, bacause they resell it, so the donation doesn't really work out at all.

I agree with you. Honestly, I would be upset if someone asked me to cut my hair in order to make them a wig. That would be an extremely personal thing and I would even say rude as well to ask and anyone who knows me would know that I value my hair. I see my hair as a part of my body, just like my arm or leg. It's probably a bit unhealthy to have such an attachment to it, but I've always been that way.

[metztlie]

Nonprofits are big business in the States. I mean, aside from the fact that someone running a not-for-profit corporation can still draw a fat salary and live a really nice life, celebrities and businesses often get involved in charity for the publicity. Slap a pink ribbon on any piece-o-crap product and watch it sell like mad (generating far more profit than the tiny percentage they pledge to donate for every purchase). Offer free haircuts to LOL donators and get a feature story of free publicity for your salon in the local paper. Donate some balloons to a Relay for Life event and put up your company's name on a big banner, and deduct the cost of the balloons and banner from your taxes -- cheaper than buying ads! Company getting bad press? Make a high-profile donation to some worthy cause, get lots of positive press (and don't forget to take your tax deduction). And if you are a celebrity who needs more buzz, why, you can go on Oprah and donate a few inches of hair!

All of them will tell you how much they care. Some of them do.

Okey so I'm not native in english and I needed to read that twice ;)
Here we can get tax-cuts for (considerable) donations as a person.
The pink-ribbon thing is here too, but on a small scale. You can see some product in some stores, but you don't drown in them.
Just like the good will commercials, which pop up once in a while.
Mayb it's like Mya said, they don't need to exist because of our health and wellfare system.

[Kimberly]

I will try to use less slang. I'm sorry my post was difficult to read!

These corporate charity campaigns are usually mercenary (to make money), not humanitarian (to help people). They do not make up for the bad American health and welfare systems. They are not intended to do that. They are only intended to make the corporation more money, and helping people is only a side-effect of that. If they could make more money by doing something with bad side-effects, they would do that instead.

Some small businesses, where the owner has the ability to decide to do things for reasons other than profit, do donate and volunteer. Most corporations, however, treat charity as a marketing tool and a way to get a tax deduction. In some cases, most of the money collected is not donated -- the company claims that most of the money collected was needed to pay the expenses of collecting and giving the money! Some non-profit companies do this, too. They collect a lot of money, but give little of it to needy people, while paying very high salaries to the corporate leaders. At least one nonprofit company we all know the name of collects a lot of hair but gives little help to anyone.

The huge corporate advertising-and-charity-collection campaigns in the US are usually not about helping people who need more help than the heath and welfare system provides. It is about profiting from the situation. I think it is more accurate to say that the bad health and welfare system opens up greater opportunities for greedy corporations to make added profits.


Okey so I'm not native in english and I needed to read that twice ;)
Here we can get tax-cuts for (considerable) donations as a person.
The pink-ribbon thing is here too, but on a small scale. You can see some product in some stores, but you don't drown in them.
Just like the good will commercials, which pop up once in a while.
Mayb it's like Mya said, they don't need to exist because of our health and wellfare system.

[sofo]

Never heard of this being an issue in Sweden. My hair isn't long enough to get those questions I guess (almost BSL). My mother had cancer (finished chemo and radiation recently) and I actually asked her if she wanted my hair, but she replied that no one uses real hair in wigs anyway. She bought a really nice synthetic wig and I realized how many people that I see everyday that could have wigs without me noticing. I actually thought the wig was nicer than the hair she had before chemo (mostly because of the color that was too dark for her). I had no clue wigs could look that real. She says that the way to discover wigs is to look for really good color jobs. No one uses that much color on real hair since its too expensive to touch up the roots with that many colors every month.

The wig is itchy though and she seems to prefer to not use it at home. But that would probably be the case regardless of what hair is used in the wig. Apparantly its quite nice to have the wig ready and not deal with tangle hair in the morning after sleeping or the wet tangly mess after shower. She have heard that its not that uncommon for people to continue with wigs even when the hair grows back....