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Henna Girl
July 18th, 2014, 11:21 PM
Just now that my hair got a little past APL and I started to get compliments on how good it looks my husband started nagging that it is too long and I need to cut it because it is not looking good any more. I don't know who to believe! Despite the fact that in the end I will do whatever I want, this is very discouraging and saddening :(

Has any of you gone through this. I really need your thoughts.
Thanks

woodswanderer
July 18th, 2014, 11:29 PM
Gosh, I'm so sorry. Maybe he doesn't like change and can't picture how your hair might look longer. Maybe you could show him a hair inspiration pic to help him see your goal.

RingletedManiac
July 18th, 2014, 11:31 PM
I think you should leave your hair for a while, maybe he'll grow onto it. Ask him why he dislikes it, though? I don't see why it wouldn't look good. Also, sorry for the dumb question, but what is APL length?

woodswanderer
July 18th, 2014, 11:34 PM
Arm pit length

Sarahlabyrinth
July 18th, 2014, 11:41 PM
Tell him you will cut it when YOU decide it is long enough. It's your hair - you decide.

ravenhair44
July 18th, 2014, 11:52 PM
I'm so sorry this is saddening you. Don't let it discourage you. :flowers:

My husband has a love/hate relationship with my hair. He goes thru his phases. :p He recently has said that he misses seeing my hair down because he likes to see it flowing. I was really shocked that he said that. :disbelief So there is hope. Maybe he just needs to get used to it being long. Just do what makes you happy and in the meantime maybe wear your hair up or do some different braids. Hope this helps. ;)

Stray_mind
July 18th, 2014, 11:59 PM
Tell him you will cut it when YOU decide it is long enough. It's your hair - you decide.
This. No one should tell you what to do with YOUR OWN body. Even if it's the person you love. If YOU like how you look with long hair-don't cut it. As you said-you started getting compliments on how good it looks. I don't think one or few negative comments should change your mind. You will never satisfy everyone. And yeah, ask him exactly why he thinks it looks bad.Maybe it's just an awkward lenght? Maybe he likes women with short hair in general? In that case-i don't think his oppinion matters that much, because he didn't marry you only for looks, did he?

missfaroe
July 19th, 2014, 12:02 AM
I agree what the others have already said.
I'm sorry he feels this way, that most be very frustrating for you..

And, by the way, if you keep your hair up most of the time, he won't notice how long it is? :shrug:

kitana97
July 19th, 2014, 12:07 AM
My mother told me that my hair is getting a bit too long, but I don't care. I know what I think is beautiful, and to me that is long hair. I'd suggest trying to let the comments your husband is making roll off your shoulder. Try to not let him or anyone else influence how you feel about something that is important to you. And if he keeps making those kind of comments tune him out or firmly tell him to cut it out.

Addy
July 19th, 2014, 01:05 AM
Hubby prefers my hair short and right now it is... I told him to enjoy it because it will never be this short again! I cut my hair for me and only me and you should do the same. I'm sure he'll still love you with butt length hair!

Dreams_in_Pink
July 19th, 2014, 02:06 AM
*sniffsniff* i smell jealousy :D

Seriously though, what bothers him could also be the compliments you get. Maybe he's afraid you'll get more attention from other guys. Try having it up around other people and down when you two are together, to see if that's the reason.

SkyChild
July 19th, 2014, 02:29 AM
I'd ask him, gently and non-confrontationally why he dislikes it. Maybe it's the amount of time you spend looking after it? Maybe it's what Dreams-in-pink said and he's worried you'll get attention from other parties. Maybe it's because it grabs him when he's near and tries to eat him!

I'd also quietly point out to him that it's your hair and it makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe ask him if he'd like to grow/shave his beard/moustache/mutton chops or shave his head just to please you and see how he likes it?

Marika
July 19th, 2014, 02:57 AM
*sniffsniff* i smell jealousy :D

Seriously though, what bothers him could also be the compliments you get. Maybe he's afraid you'll get more attention from other guys. Try having it up around other people and down when you two are together, to see if that's the reason.

This. It's actually quite common. Same thing happens if woman starts to lose weight.

furnival
July 19th, 2014, 03:27 AM
Just now that my hair got a little past APL and I started to get compliments on how good it looks my husband started nagging that it is too long and I need to cut it because it is not looking good any more. I don't know who to believe! Despite the fact that in the end I will do whatever I want, this is very discouraging and saddening :(

Has any of you gone through this. I really need your thoughts.
Thanks
(Bolding mine) Like others have said, this might be the root of the problem. Some people feel insecure about partners getting positive attention from others. In extreme cases this can lead to controlling behaviour: maybe it's a good idea to gently ask him if he feels uncomfortable with you receiving compliments from others and work on it from there. Telling you your hair looks bad in an effort to manipulate you into cutting it in order to make him feel better is not acceptable behaviour.

(That is, if this really is the root of the problem. Maybe you could post a picture of your hair and we'll give you some honest opinions?)

Aurelinchen
July 19th, 2014, 03:47 AM
Maybe it's me being stubborn, but if I were you, I'd start showing him pictures or point at good looking men on the street that have a different hairstyle/beard than him and telling how awesome they look. Then I'll tell him that this or that long hair style (or bold) would look sooo sexy on him, but that I'd love him even though he has a boring hair/beard style. When he asks me why I do it, I'd say, that when he has the right to "decide" what kind of hairstyle I wear, I can do the same thing with his hair/beard.

FireFromWithin
July 19th, 2014, 04:25 AM
Someone else already said it bust I'll second it as it could be he dislikes change. Especially if you'd had the same hairstyle for a long time. My DBF always says he won't like it when I talk about growing my hair longer. But when I get there he doesn't want me to cut it because now that hair length is 'me'. Perhaps your hubby will have a similar reaction.

Wildcat Diva
July 19th, 2014, 04:34 AM
It could be a lot of things. He is saying that it doesn't look good, and I bet that hurts. Maybe there is something he is not used to yet about your hair as it grows out. Is he being mean, or just trying to be blunt about his opinion?

Also, some people don't understand about how hair tapers for most of us at the ends, especially as we grow out. I know that my ends are going to be thinner now while I grow out, and thicken up later as I maintain at my goal. Also ends can be prone to being dryer and showing damage easily. Perhaps he is a bit critical/ and or ignorant of this, if you have a taper/ dry ends?

jacqueline101
July 19th, 2014, 05:22 AM
I'm sorry you're having this I don't have any advice but I wanted to offer support.

Johannah
July 19th, 2014, 05:38 AM
*sniffsniff* i smell jealousy :D

Seriously though, what bothers him could also be the compliments you get. Maybe he's afraid you'll get more attention from other guys. Try having it up around other people and down when you two are together, to see if that's the reason.

I was thinking about this as well!

Like others said, ask him why. Understanding each other is key in these situations.

arr
July 19th, 2014, 07:10 AM
My husband was rather unsupportive about me growing my hair long as well. He was worried it would look too long and "freakish". Well, i basically didn't worry about it and just let time pass. Lo and behold, the longer my hair gets, he just becomes accustomed to it. Before, he couldn't imagine me having waist length hair. Now that I'm past waist and growing for hip, he said he didn't think i would think it was long enough at hip and would probably aim for BCL or even TBL. He said this with no negativity, just as a statement of fact. Now he even points out other longhairs to me and admires the styles i try. So basically, don't do anything drastic, just let time do its thing and your husband may surprise you.

EdG
July 19th, 2014, 07:43 AM
It's your hair. You get to wear it the way you want.

You can counter by saying that your husband's hair is too short. You can show him the men on this board with classic-length or longer hair. ;)
Ed

Wildcat Diva
July 19th, 2014, 07:44 AM
Yes this ^^^.

Chromis
July 19th, 2014, 07:55 AM
APL is often a slightly awkward length, bet he changes his tune around BSL!

StellaKatherine
July 19th, 2014, 08:22 AM
For some reason people assume that my husband is totally in love with my hair. I hear people saying, that my husband will never let me cut such a hair and so on... They in a total shock when I say that he doesn't care what lenght my hair is. And that actually he doesn't like long hair, or better to say he like short hair on women more. Funny thing as I always had long hair ( except for a moment of madness and about bra strap lenght... hehe). Luckily he thinks it is my hair and I can do what ever I want with it. He said I can go bald , he doesn't care. The hair isn't what he made him love me :D

spidermom
July 19th, 2014, 08:34 AM
I don't think your husband gets a vote.
I don't get a vote about what my husband does with his hair, which is keep it ultra-short. I don't like it, but I love him.

Nadine <3
July 19th, 2014, 08:52 AM
Maybe sit him down and explain how important growing out your hair is to you? I never had problems with my SO but my mom on the other hand told me I should get it cut all the time. I explained to her how I wanted to grow it and how important it was to me and now she offers compliments and even bought me a new coconut oil when she saw I was running low. Sometimes people tend to think it's "just hair" and don't realize just how important it it to us.

Henna Girl
July 19th, 2014, 09:03 AM
Thank you everyone for your encouragement. I already feel much better. I know it's my hair and my decision in the end, but a few word of support can go a long way. :love:

sammiesamm
July 19th, 2014, 09:55 AM
Its kind of nice to know Im not the only one. My huband likes pixe cuts. Anything below shoulder is way too long for him. The problem was for me that I wanted him to think I was pretty and he was the only one I really cared as far as opinions go. Last year he was getting deployed and about a month before he left I cut six inches off to surprise him. I cried for the nexts two weeks :D haha He hasnt asked me to cut it since and is nervous when I get trims now lol In the end if your not happy I dont think he will be either.

chelsea89ms
July 19th, 2014, 10:13 AM
Everyone here has such wonderful advice. I just wanted to pop in and say that your hair in the avatar pic is just beautiful! Your hair looks so shiny and the color is really amazing! :blossom:

Sharysa
July 19th, 2014, 10:50 AM
Wow. APL is at least common if not normal where I live, so I'm surprised that's his limit for "long." Did you start with a pixie or bob when you got married?

roseomalley
July 19th, 2014, 11:00 AM
Yes, it is your hair and your decision, but I do understand how disappointing it is to not have your husband like the look of your hair. Like others have said, I would quietly sit down with him and try to get him to verbalize what he dislikes about it. Now that it is growing longer, you can experiment with different updos and half ups. I will be thinking of you and hope you can stay true to yourself and get hubby's support.

truepeacenik
July 19th, 2014, 11:14 AM
I've always said my partner(s) get a vote, but not a veto.

A once said that he thought the sight of a woman's nape was sexy.
So I learned my first updo.

I ask that his hair is down when we are together, and he's resistant, so we created a compromise.

With my live in partner, who simply refuses to cut his hair, I taught him some strategies to minimize breakage.
He's gained three or four inches in four years, and had some small trims to start ridding old damage. (He's in the Berkeley meet report photo of us at a table. He's in the foreground, back to the camera)

whoa182
July 19th, 2014, 11:21 AM
Hmm must not be nice to not have the support from him. I think he'll come around eventually! Don't worry about it too much. :) Most guys find long hair attractive! Perhaps he's worried about the attention you might get if you had longer hair?

AcornMystic
July 19th, 2014, 11:28 AM
From the way you are explaining it... it sounds as though your husbqnd is uncomfortable with the compliments you are getting on your hair and is now apprehensive. I don't want to read too much into this, but it's possible your man is insecure about your beauty and the compliments you are receiving and through insecurity is acting accordingly. I don't know anything about your relationship or how secure an individual he is, but based on the information you have provided I can only guess that. Just reassure him this is what you want and express that you really would like him to find joy in it as well. Anything you can do to make him feel confidant, secure and even proud of you as you continue to receive compliments throughout its growth. I mean it beats pulling the "this is my body so tough t*tties" like is commonly suggested here. Hope it works out for you. :)

queenovnight
July 19th, 2014, 12:44 PM
I had the opposite. I dated a man that complained about my hair being too short. But all the same, it's saddening when your partner complains about your hair. Saddening, and insulting. The hair is a pretty noticeable feature, so to have the one you love complaining about it.. It's a bit rude, really. But if I were you, I would just tell him to hush and suck it up. It's your hair and you make the choices.

Fairlight63
July 19th, 2014, 12:45 PM
I really sympathize with you! In fact I could have wrote the same post a few yrs. ago. I started growing out my hair 7yrs. ago. We have been married since 1968 & I have had short dyed hair most of the time. Well, I decided to grow my hair out long & for it to be long & healthy looking I did not want to dye it any more. Well, it wasn't long before my DH was saying that I needed to cut my hair - it wasn't even very long yet - only about to my shoulders. He said that long gray (white) hair made me look old. The funny thing is I would get compliments on my hair from everyone else (they liked the color, they liked the braid. etc.) but not from him. So what I did was grow it out long any way but I always wear it up. Every once in a while he would make some comment about my hair but I would just ignore the comment. Now he hardly ever says anything about my hair, I guess that he has given up on me cutting it. I like having it long & not having to cut & dye it all the time. My hair is about hip length & is a LOT easier to care for then when it is short!

Henna Girl
July 19th, 2014, 01:53 PM
Wow. APL is at least common if not normal where I live, so I'm surprised that's his limit for "long." Did you start with a pixie or bob when you got married?

I have always had my hair between chin and shoulder. Never as long as APL !

Henna Girl
July 19th, 2014, 01:55 PM
I really sympathize with you! In fact I could have wrote the same post a few yrs. ago. I started growing out my hair 7yrs. ago. We have been married since 1968 & I have had short dyed hair most of the time. Well, I decided to grow my hair out long & for it to be long & healthy looking I did not want to dye it any more. Well, it wasn't long before my DH was saying that I needed to cut my hair - it wasn't even very long yet - only about to my shoulders. He said that long gray (white) hair made me look old. The funny thing is I would get compliments on my hair from everyone else (they liked the color, they liked the braid. etc.) but not from him. So what I did was grow it out long any way but I always wear it up. Every once in a while he would make some comment about my hair but I would just ignore the comment. Now he hardly ever says anything about my hair, I guess that he has given up on me cutting it. I like having it long & not having to cut & dye it all the time. My hair is about hip length & is a LOT easier to care for then when it is short!


This is exactly what I plan to do ;)

chen bao jun
July 19th, 2014, 02:39 PM
I'm glad you feel better.
It is a nice feeling when you know your husband thinks you look pretty and that you are attractive to him and hard if he says he doesn't like something. In my experience, men tend to not like change. I once heard it said that most women when they get married to a guy are thinking of all the things they want to fix about him while the guy is thinking he wants her to stay exactly the same. I think there is truth in this in a general (doesn't apply to everyone, of course, nothing ever does).
I hope you get your husband's approval again sometime about your hair. Me and mine are compromising at the moment. He doesn't care about whether my hair is long or short but he does dislike updoes. A lot. I have told him I will try to wear mine down when he is around and also that any time we are alone, he can pull out a hairstick and then its down the way he likes.
This is a man who has worn a beard that he doesn't much like for the past 30 years jsut because I love men with beards. So I extra, extra want to keep him happy!
I keep remembering that he is not saying he doesn't love me or doesn't love how I look, just that there is another way that he prefers and that it is great that he is honest and that we have dialogue about it and I do plan to wear it out more when it gets just a bit longer. I'm wearing it out more than I did at first actually, already as I get over the fear that out means it will all immediately break off!

hairpleasegrow
July 19th, 2014, 03:34 PM
Suggest telling your husbandů.. if he doesn't want you pointing out what you don't like about his appearance (for example he should shave/change his shirt/wear different shoes) that he should put a sock in it.

Not too long ago I was getting ready to go out with my girlfriends to a concert , I hadn't been out in 7 months. It was my first time putting an effort into my appearance in quite some time. When I was on my way out the door i asked how I looked and he made some comment about my pants saying" your pants are shiny" in a derogatory tone. ANyways I ended up changing, and I hated my outfit after i changed. I wish i had just worn what i wanted in the first place!

A few weeks later we were having an argument and I brought that up and he said he didn't want me going out looking "hot".

He's probably just jealous and doesn't want you attracting any attention. You worked a long time to get that hair, don't cut it! *&^% him!!! :)

Feathered
July 19th, 2014, 05:40 PM
Personally, I would never trust a man's opinion on how I or my hair looked. I tend to just assume I know better than a man about what I like and want to be. They need to respect my choices and if they can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. I'm a bit independent, I guess, but some men have a tendency to be controlling if they find out they can. I just can't deal with that. I say grow your hair the way you like it and tell him-nicely- to respect your opinion and choices. I do realize that this goes both ways, of course.

stachelbeere
July 19th, 2014, 05:48 PM
my boyfriend and I met when my hair was chin length - it looked really nice on me. Then I was growing my hair out and for a while he was saying how much he liked me with short hair and when it was dyed dark brown (when I was asking him about his opinion). Since my hair reached APL+ he's been really liking my length :D

basically - he might change his mind. If not - it's your hair, not his.

lapushka
July 19th, 2014, 06:07 PM
Personally, I would never trust a man's opinion on how I or my hair looked. I tend to just assume I know better than a man about what I like and want to be. They need to respect my choices and if they can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. I'm a bit independent, I guess, but some men have a tendency to be controlling if they find out they can. I just can't deal with that. I say grow your hair the way you like it and tell him-nicely- to respect your opinion and choices. I do realize that this goes both ways, of course.

I hear you! I think the way you look and the way you dress, for men should enable the response, "yes dear". Whatever is okay with you, should be okay with your husband, IMO.

dulce
July 19th, 2014, 06:37 PM
I agree with Dreams in pink.I think the compliments are unnerving to your hubby.I also agree with doing what you want,it is your hair and head.My hubby styles his hair the way he wants[shaved off!]Hair is a personal thing.Spouses can comment and their opinion looked at, but in the end it is still your hair and your choice.My hubby likes waist length hair on me,when I said I wanted to try longer ,his exact words were''that might be creepy''.I grew to classic,then trimmed back temporarily to waist to get rid of layers and my v cut.And he was upset when I cut back to waist,he had discovered he liked classic length.Moral of story do what you feel comfortable with,spouses do adjust over time..

Velvetbyrd
July 19th, 2014, 06:37 PM
My husband started telling me my hair was to long when it was just touching my ears. My hair is now an inch from apl.

When he gives me a hard time I tell him he just has hair envy. He has shaved his head for several years now. I love him but he dosent get a vote. He teases me I tease him back. If he starts to say something negative I walk away. He's learning.

I still love him

chen bao jun
July 19th, 2014, 07:45 PM
Some women have a tendency to be controlling also--I don't think men are actually more prone to this fault than women.

Seeshami
July 19th, 2014, 09:10 PM
My husband learned a long time ago that he won't just get a piece of my mind but the whole thing if he tells me I NEED to do anything with my body. He may politely suggest his opinion to me and I will politely tell him to shut his face if I don't like it. He knew I was strong willed hard headed and completely unreasonable when he married me, it must be part of my charm


Edit: voice to text fail

woodswanderer
July 19th, 2014, 09:45 PM
My husband learned a long time ago that he won't just get a peace of my mind but the whole thing if he tells me I NEED to do anything with my body. He may politely suggest his opinion to me and I will politely tell him to shut his face if I don't like it. He knew I was strong willed hard headed and completely unreasonable when he married me, it must be part of my charm

We might be related;)

PerkyCurlz
July 20th, 2014, 03:56 AM
Just now that my hair got a little past APL and I started to get compliments on how good it looks my husband started nagging that it is too long and I need to cut it because it is not looking good any more. I don't know who to believe! Despite the fact that in the end I will do whatever I want, this is very discouraging and saddening :(

Has any of you gone through this. I really need your thoughts.
Thanks

I make no judgement about your husband or his motives, but my ex-husband said similar things to me because he was jealous and insecure about other men hitting on me, despite my reassurance that I had eyes only for him.

Maybe ask your husband what exactly he doesn't like about your hair being long? In the end, it IS your hair and you have the right to have it however you want it.

lapushka
July 20th, 2014, 05:11 AM
My husband learned a long time ago that he won't just get a peace of my mind but the whole thing if he tells me I NEED to do anything with my body. He may politely suggest his opinion to me and I will politely tell him to shut his face if I don't like it. He knew I was strong willed hard headed and completely unreasonable when he married me, it must be part of my charm

Odd, it might be one of the reasons I never got married. :lol: ;)

kpzra
July 20th, 2014, 10:08 AM
I asked my husband once if he minded me growing my hair out, his only request was I do something with it at night as it was attacking/trying to suffocate him. Since it was long enough at that point to start doing the same to me I braid it.

Agnes Hannah
July 20th, 2014, 11:02 AM
Your hair, your rules. End of!

Kaelee
July 20th, 2014, 11:16 AM
Some people have the (stupid) belief that hair longer than shoulder length is "unprofessional" or "untidy"....which is stupid.

DF used to tell me (when my hair was BSL) that I had the perfect length hair and I shouldn't grow it longer. Now it's halfway between waist and hip and he tells me DON'T CUT IT!!!! :laugh: So your hubby may change his mind yet.

swords & roses
July 20th, 2014, 12:02 PM
My husband has mentioned in the past that he likes the "sporty" look of chin-length hair on me. I prefer it long (I'm nearly TBL now). And you know what? Me being happy about how I look with long hair makes him far more happy than he'd be if I chopped to short hair just to fit his preference of appearance. Nothing makes him happier than seeing me happy! :) Hope that helps you.

Pantha
July 20th, 2014, 01:36 PM
Hopefully it is just that he can't imagine you with longer hair. I'm not married so I'm not sure what my advice is worth.
As a lot of people have mentioned, talk it through with him, perhaps it is just that he prefers a blunt hem or he's noticed some splits (not that I can see any in your pictures), but allowing him to get involved in a minor way with your hair care may make him enjoy your hair longer. This might sound strange but is there anything you do to pamper him? in return maybe ask him to brush your hair he can start to enjoy your hair as much as you do.


I asked my husband once if he minded me growing my hair out, his only request was I do something with it at night as it was attacking/trying to suffocate him. Since it was long enough at that point to start doing the same to me I braid it.

Sounds like your hair has a life of its own when you sleep, I think mine does too :D

meteor
July 20th, 2014, 07:09 PM
Hopefully it is just that he can't imagine you with longer hair.
This^. Men who really dislike long hair are pretty rare. I had a friend who told me I wouldn't look good with longer hair, but now she says she was completely wrong.
Lots of people have trouble dealing with change, but it doesn't mean they won't like it when it actually happens. ;)

ARG
July 20th, 2014, 08:56 PM
I'm very sorry, I understand how it can be discouraging to hear, especially from someone whose opinion matters so much to you. I too would be devastated if my husband were to ask me to cut my hair, because I have grown attached to it. I started growing it out because he asked me to, and it was a style change for me (we met when I had chin length), but since then, I like it so much more than my shorter hair.

If he were to suddenly ask me to cut it, I would ask him (gently) what his reasons were for wanting my hair shorter, I wouldn't suggest that it was because of the extra attention you are receiving, because that could cause unneeded conflict and such an admission of insecurity needs to come from him confronting his own feelings. I would ask about a compromise, and explain your own feelings toward your hair while repeating that you understand his opinion about it ("I like my hair longer because XYZ, I understand that you don't like it because XYZ, but if we find a way I can have it long and you can enjoy it too, because you have to look at me every day, I think it would make us both happy!").

His definition of "long" may not be any where near your definition. Definitely try showing him pictures of your goal length and discussing it with him, getting him involved in your routine. My husband gets really excited about hair washing day, it means my hair will be down for a few days (our compromise!) and he can play with it.

My husbands good opinion is the only opinion that I strive for, I love him dearly, and I love making him happy, when it comes down to it, its just hair, and if he has a valid reason for wanting me to cut it then I will.

Kat
July 20th, 2014, 10:07 PM
Tell him you will cut it when YOU decide it is long enough. It's your hair - you decide.

Also agreeing with this.


My husband learned a long time ago that he won't just get a piece of my mind but the whole thing if he tells me I NEED to do anything with my body. He may politely suggest his opinion to me and I will politely tell him to shut his face if I don't like it. He knew I was strong willed hard headed and completely unreasonable when he married me, it must be part of my charm


And this too; me to a T.

I think people think I'm a jerk sometimes for this, but other people don't get to dictate how I look, unless they're my boss and I'm at work (in which case they essentially own me for that time, so yes, they get to say what I look like), or I'm sporting some inappropriate look at their event (like if I showed up to their wedding or their loved one's funeral in a bikini or something, in which case I'm being disrespectful to them). Significant others are no exception-- sorry, I don't get involved with people to change them, and I expect the same courtesy; my rule is, if you don't like how I am, you are welcome to leave and go find someone who suits you better, but you are not in any way entitled to ask or expect me to change.

If I'm looking really bad or inappropriate, then in some situations it's okay for someone close to me to clue me in if they think I really don't know-- "you know your butt's hanging out of those shorts right? / Why *did* you wear that bikini to this funeral? /whatever" but general unsolicited comments like "your hair is too long / I don't like you in that eyeliner / you're really wearing a tie-dye shirt? / etc." are unwelcome and I will not take them kindly. (and yes, my former partner and I got into it a few times because I'm unconventional at times, while he's pretty square and worried about what other people think, and there were a few times when I wore something or acted in a way he thought not "normal" enough and when he pointed it out, I replied with how much I cared what he thought of it. That's not, btw, why we're no longer together. My mom and I have similar arguments, though not for the same reasons, and she's also pretty much told how I feel about it or her comments are ignored.)

This is turning into a rant, but it's a big thing for me. I consider that A. I am not here to decorate anyone else's world so I really don't care if they don't like how I look, and B. I am the one who has to live in my body 24/7, so I am the one who needs to like how it looks, not anyone else (and that also includes, if I think my butt's too big, I don't care if someone else likes it, as they're not the ones who have to wear it/try to fit it into clothing/look at it in the mirror). It's hard when significant others/friends/family members don't like the way you look, but I think it would be harder to have to constantly fake it and not feel comfortable in your own skin just to keep other people happy.

I'm also pretty sensitive when a significant other pretty much tells me that "this is the look I prefer, and you ain't it." Because that's pretty much what he's saying. What if he asked you to dye your hair because he likes women with that color, or get/get rid of glasses because that's what he prefers, etc.? I don't tend to take it too kindly when an SO essentially tells me "you're not what I'm attracted to" (then why are you with me instead of someone who has the look you want? If it bugs you enough to say something about it, buhbye and don't let the door hit ya hope you eventually find what you want, and if you love me for me anyway and it's not a dealbreaker, then why bring it up?) or tells me they want me to change to become something/someone I'm not (and yes, the way I choose to look and present myself absolutely reflects who I am as a person. My mom always argues with me that men would like me better if I dressed all frilly and girly. I point out to her that I don't want a dude who's attracted to me because I'm pretending to be someone else...). It doesn't seem a kind or respectful thing to do to someone you love, if you ask me.

Silverbrumby
July 20th, 2014, 10:33 PM
After 22 years or marriage my husband and I have come up with a great way to handle these situations. I tell him what to say to me e.g. "I love your hair. I want you to grow it as long as you wish because it makes you happy!" Hehe. I know this sounds odd but it really works.



Just now that my hair got a little past APL and I started to get compliments on how good it looks my husband started nagging that it is too long and I need to cut it because it is not looking good any more. I don't know who to believe! Despite the fact that in the end I will do whatever I want, this is very discouraging and saddening :(

Has any of you gone through this. I really need your thoughts.
Thanks

gnome82
July 21st, 2014, 04:48 AM
He will just have to get used to your hair being longer :stirpot:.

ErinLeigh
July 22nd, 2014, 04:27 AM
*sniffsniff* i smell jealousy :D

Seriously though, what bothers him could also be the compliments you get. Maybe he's afraid you'll get more attention from other guys. Try having it up around other people and down when you two are together, to see if that's the reason.

I think he is jealous of the attention also.
I can imagine how hard it is for you to hear him say this as we all want our SO to find us gorgeous and for that I am sorry. Personally, I bet he does like your hair but worries others like it more.

Does he have a history of jealousy? I would ask him where this comment is commenting from and watch him for body language to see if he is being truthful in answer.
I would express how this makes you feel good about yourself. If he isn't thinking of self this should make him back down on the comments. If he still chooses to say it needs cut after you share your reason for liking it then be careful, as he is not caring about YOUR best interest, only his own.

You are right to not want to cut hair for him. It is a slippery slope. Then it becomes clothes, weight, job, lifestyle or anything else they feel they are losing control over.

I feel the way Kat does. Her last paragraph summed up how I feel exactly on the subject.

Rinna
July 26th, 2014, 11:07 AM
If your husband genuinely doesn't like your longer hair, tell him about the hair compliments you've been receiving, and every time you get compliment, mention it. That might help him change his mind.

It worked for me when my partner hated a nail design I did. When he first saw it he said he's not leaving the house with me like that... Then I got some compliments on my nails that he witnessed, and he totally changed his mind.

memeow
July 26th, 2014, 11:43 AM
My boyfriend loves my hair the way it is now, but when I told him I wanted it waist-length his reaction was "eww! Gross!". He was really surprised when I showed him it's just a few inches away...

Skade
July 26th, 2014, 11:46 AM
I┤m sorry. I had a boyfriend tell me to cut it once too. And even though we all feel independent and strong in our choices, it hurts.. I tried to explain to him why I want it long, what it means to me, maybe you could do the same. I┤m sure you have lots of reasons you want to grow it long, and maybe it helps if he understands that better. Hope you find something that works for you. Hugs