Huh. An LHC Quadruple Whammy.

[HintOfMint]

I was getting ready with an old college friend and we were both doing our hair in front of the mirror. I ask her a question about my bangs, as I was still getting used to them.

Unfortunately this prompted her to unload all sorts of opinions about my hair. She proceeded to tell me to cut my hair from hip to about APL, cut in tons more layers (it's already layered), cut my hair more often (when she asks me how often I cut my hair and I tell her it's about 2-3 times a year), and, to top it all off, to get a keratin treatment. Four recommendations all within the space of a few minutes. It must have been a new record.

She's a keratin treatment devotee and was flat ironing her highlighted hair in the mirror as we were speaking. Her ideal hair is something decidedly more high maintenance than I have the patience or money for.

So what say you, LHC? How many pieces of advice in one fell swoop have y'all been given?

[ExpectoPatronum]

My most recent one was from my mom. She told me to go ask *stylist family friend* to thin out my hair. shudder:

That was kind of a double whammy because if I went, (which I never would!), I probably would have gotten a trim...and she's the type who gets cut happy. I asked for a half inch trim, and my hair went from BSL to shoulder length. :/ I stopped going to her after that.

[browneyedsusan]

LOL!
It sounds like Friend has had some pent-up ideas about your hair for quite a while!

I haven't had too many at once. A few people ask how long I'll grow it, but that's all. (Thankfully, no one has asked about my color in a while. Henna is so nice, and I'd tell them way more than they wanted to know!)

You'd better get cracking! You've got a lot to do: make a haircut appointment for a major cut with layers, book lots of follow up appointments, and get a keratin treatment. -- :spitting: --

[martyna_22]

It reminds me of my roomate in high school :) She'd always criticize anyone with long hair when I was around telling me it's not the First Communion time anymore, and going to about shoulder length is the best option. She'd also recommend me to wash every single day (I wash every other day), dye it (with a commercial dye, henna wasn't something she predicted :P). It wasn't all at once, but during the first and second year I got the precious advice above.

[lilin]

I'm always amazed how many opinions people have about someone else's body that they feel they just have to share! Geez. Would it kill them to just... not?

I've never really gotten a lot of comments on my hair, apart from nice ones from familiars. I guess people can just tell I don't welcome their commentary over my body. My bestie sometimes has a giggle at my poof on a bad hair day, but we're terrible, and she's allowed. I give as good as I get. :D

Oh, there was one instance from a guy friend/roommate type thing, but it's an inverse-LCH whammy. It was the first time I cut my own hair (apart from hacking off a chunk of bangs when I was 6). And I was ambitious about it. I was going from long -- longer than I am now -- to very short. Barely long enough to qualify as a bob.

He told me he didn't like short hair on girls, with a tone that implied this is supposed to mean something to me. I told him "Too damn bad." *ker-SNIP*

Kept it short for 2 or 3 years and loved it. Now I'm going for a personal "hair record." I'm probably only 3 or 4 inches away from breaking my old one, and I'm loving that too.

[spidermom]

I don't get advice about my hair, either, except from my father (who I seldom see or talk to). He would like for my hair to be short and permed like someone from the 1950s.

[Bitstuff]

My most recent one was from my mom. She told me to go ask *stylist family friend* to thin out my hair. shudder:


Thin out you hair? NUTS!

[chen bao jun]

Some people are like that. You ask them a question and they think you mean you want to hear their opinion on everything. Its not just hair. I have had people unload on me after I asked for a little opinion about painting a wall in my house (knock walls down, redo the whole kitchen to put in an island, basically change the whole house); my childrearing; even about how I react together with my husband.
You just cut them off if possible and don't ever ask their opinion about ANYTHING again.
You can pretty expect that almost everyone who is NOT on LHC is privately thinking that ALL of us need to get haircuts and treatments and just--fit in everybody goshdarnit!! whether they say so out loud or not. I don't really care as I am usually looking at THEM thinking, do you honestly think you look nice with that fried hair? It's just two completely different aesthetics and there isn't a compromise between them, you think one way or the other way and that's it.

[Carolyn]

No one has ever given me advice on my hair other than my mom. I know better than to ask for advice from anyone.

[MissScarlett67]

I had a guy once say to me..."wow, you're the prettiest redhead I've ever met. Most are really ugly."

I mean, really, was that SUPPOSED to be a compliment?

At the time I was completely stunned and didn't have a snappy comeback.

[Beezle]

Hint of Mint - oh, that's just terrible. How did you recover from that? Or did it all add up to something too amusing rather than insulting? I imagine you saw the flat iron doing a mysterious, uncontrolled flick and flattening her nose!

And MissScarlett :rolleyes:. Was that a back-handed compliment or just back-handed?

[Nadine <3]

I have a friend who regularity tells me I should flat iron my bangs...I look at her bangs, and they're flat ironed to death and pancaked to her forehead... I don't want mine to look like I used a hot iron on them, thanks...

I think people really just need to shut up about other peoples appearance. It's rather rude to start listing off all the things you think they need to do or change.

[Nadine <3]

I have a friend who regularity tells me I should flat iron my bangs...I look at her bangs, and they're flat ironed to death and pancaked to her forehead... I don't want mine to look like I used a hot iron on them, thanks...

I think people really just need to shut up about other peoples appearance. It's rather rude to start listing off all the things you think they need to do or change.

[lapushka]

Unfortunately this prompted her to unload all sorts of opinions about my hair. She proceeded to tell me to cut my hair from hip to about APL, cut in tons more layers (it's already layered), cut my hair more often (when she asks me how often I cut my hair and I tell her it's about 2-3 times a year), and, to top it all off, to get a keratin treatment. Four recommendations all within the space of a few minutes. It must have been a new record.

Wow, that's a lot of pent up "energy". :rolleyes: I wonder how long she's been frustrated with your hair, come to think of it... who does that?

[lilin]

No one has ever given me advice on my hair other than my mom. I know better than to ask for advice from anyone.

Yup. It's kind of sad. Why can't we ask, "Up or down?" without someone launching into a list of everything they hate about how we look?

The OP asked a really simple question. Why the need to go on a tirade about it?

chen bao jun, yup, exactly. Just different ideas about what makes hair appealing. I kinda get it, since my bestie is kind of like that. Her hair is very damaged, and she knows it. To her, it's worth it to have an ever-changing rainbow of color and, with enough work, really cute pin-uppy styles. Yes, it will never get long with this kind of treatment, and yes, she has to spend a lot of time trying to make the damage look better, but she creates things with her hair that I can't, wanting to keep my hair virgin and strong and grow it out.

She'd never tell me "My way is better, you should radically change your hair." She's honest about what the effects are. I'm honest that if you want it long and healthy, you have to take a pass on the desire to do something radical whenever the urge strikes, or heat styling your hair every day, and some days it might feel "boring." We have our paths.

[Adiro]

Haha, I have to laugh a little. How about living with a mother in law who is an old fashion hair stylist? She herself has short blond hair, and she thinks that every woman over 40 should have short hair,because long hair makes me look old!!!! and blonde, because blond hair makes me look younger!!! and she hates HATES doing anything on long hair,but when she trims I say 1 cm and I am losing 5 inches, and of course I get a blow dry and iron after. And My brown hair will never be blonde without double bleaching, which sadly my husband ( her son) wants me to do. BTW, my husband also thinks that my hair is too long.....:(

[Lindenare]

I'm amazed what people feel free to say in response to a simple question. I'm fortunate; the worst hair critic I've ever had to deal with is my mother, who thinks I look best with my hair at shoulder length. (I'm unsure she likes very long hair on anyone.) However, she hasn't made me get a haircut since I was old enough to decide when I wanted it done, she doesn't even mention trims until my ends look very uneven when I see her, and she trimmed my hair exactly the way I wanted her to through my teen years. In the end, I value my mother's input and trust her to be honest, even though we don't have the same opinions on long hair. Reading this thread, I really wish everyone could be like that.

[Ayra]

Mothers are the worst critics for a lot of people it seems! It was definitely that way for me and I still get uncalled for advice and comments.

[truepeacenik]

I had a guy once say to me..."wow, you're the prettiest redhead I've ever met. Most are really ugly."

I mean, really, was that SUPPOSED to be a compliment?

At the time I was completely stunned and didn't have a snappy comeback.

"You're the most honest a$$hat I ever met. But most know to STFU around redheads."

As my friend once sang,"redheads own the world."

Yeah, he dated a redhead for years. He claims he was 6'7" then. He's more...5'9".

Most advice in a single encounter? Three hair comments and a "why don't you dress better and put on a spot of make up?" There might have been a wear a bra comment in there. I tuned out. Probably was something about razors.

[Beezle]

Haha, I have to laugh a little. How about living with a mother in law who is an old fashion hair stylist? She herself has short blond hair, and she thinks that every woman over 40 should have short hair,because long hair makes me look old!!!! and blonde, because blond hair makes me look younger!!! and she hates HATES doing anything on long hair,but when she trims I say 1 cm and I am losing 5 inches, and of course I get a blow dry and iron after. And My brown hair will never be blonde without double bleaching, which sadly my husband ( her son) wants me to do. BTW, my husband also thinks that my hair is too long.....:(
Oh, Adiro, I think you've got the worst possible situation. Most people only have to put up with the occasional criticism (or bunch of criticisms) from someone they can either walk away from, or tell to shut up. You can't do either! My commiserations, not that that helps one iota. But from your picture I can see you have enviable, gorgeous hair. It's hard to ignore constant negative comments, especially when you live with the commenters, but that hair is too stunning to lose. And imagine how bad you'd feel if you gave in to their wishes and cut your hair, and then you wouldn't even have your lovely long hair as a consolation when it all got too much. Rebellion is good for the soul! :thumbsup:

[MissScarlett67]

truepeacenik - I love it! Great comeback!

[In2wishin]

So far I think I have only gotten two at a time, but they are the same two my Mom always tells me: get it cut and get it thinned.

Side note: yesterday I was at my cousin's funeral and I ran into my childhood hairdresser (back in the 60's, early 70's) who long ago sold her beauty shop and retired. Naturally the conversation turned to hair and she commented that "all the young girls these days have such pretty long hair" and also that she likes to remind their mothers not to put their hair in tight ponytails or it could start falling out. She also knew right away what I was talking about when I mentioned that I make my own stuff in order to avoid formaldehyde because of an allergy. I was reminded again why she was the most popular hairdresser in my small hometown: she styled according to the client's wishes and kept up with the trends but wasn't a slave to them. She likes hair in all of its forms and looks.

[Adiro]

Oh, Adiro, I think you've got the worst possible situation. Most people only have to put up with the occasional criticism (or bunch of criticisms) from someone they can either walk away from, or tell to shut up. You can't do either! My commiserations, not that that helps one iota. But from your picture I can see you have enviable, gorgeous hair. It's hard to ignore constant negative comments, especially when you live with the commenters, but that hair is too stunning to lose. And imagine how bad you'd feel if you gave in to their wishes and cut your hair, and then you wouldn't even have your lovely long hair as a consolation when it all got too much. Rebellion is good for the soul! :thumbsup: Thank you, Beezie, you're so right , Rebellion is good but I am afraid daily rebellion might wear me down, I know it did, in the past. my hair got to be this long just because I was pregnant twice in three years, and I refused "care" and cutting based on health reasons and superstition related to baby.

[xoChesleyy]

Earlier today, my dad suggested that I grow out my natural hair color, wait until my roots are to my chin, then chop off the henndigo. No thank you! :p

[jacqueline101]

Has anyone ever thought she said those mean things because she's jealous of your hair. She's jealous because you have long hair and it's not fried from all the things she does.

[truepeacenik]

truepeacenik - I love it! Great comeback!


Yeah.... Kind of shows it's "born red."

[hairpleasegrow]

Has anyone ever thought she said those mean things because she's jealous of your hair. She's jealous because you have long hair and it's not fried from all the things she does.

My thoughts exactly. If you got it bleached and layered she'd say "you shouldn't have cut/bleached your hair….." and she'd pass you the straightener and say something like "if you use a straightener it helps hide the damage" . I know someone like that.

Who are all these people with their rude comments. I have a friend that is trying to get me to go to the hairdresser. I guess she doesn't like my cut that I gave myself. Too bad . I think it looks pretty good. At least it was free and i didn't have to make some small talk at the salon for an hour

[jacqueline101]

My thoughts exactly. If you got it bleached and layered she'd say "you shouldn't have cut/bleached your hair….." and she'd pass you the straightener and say something like "if you use a straightener it helps hide the damage" . I know someone like that.

Who are all these people with their rude comments. I have a friend that is trying to get me to go to the hairdresser. I guess she doesn't like my cut that I gave myself. Too bad . I think it looks pretty good. At least it was free and i didn't have to make some small talk at the salon for an hour

That's exactly what the friend is trying to do to her. I haven't been to the salon my self since I got terrible layers I think 2 years ago. I've joined the self trimming on my bangs no trims for a year on the rest. Like you said it's free.

[lilin]

My thoughts exactly. If you got it bleached and layered she'd say "you shouldn't have cut/bleached your hair….." and she'd pass you the straightener and say something like "if you use a straightener it helps hide the damage" . I know someone like that.

Who are all these people with their rude comments. I have a friend that is trying to get me to go to the hairdresser. I guess she doesn't like my cut that I gave myself. Too bad . I think it looks pretty good. At least it was free and i didn't have to make some small talk at the salon for an hour

Yup, I agree too. There seems to be a very narrow range of acceptable hair to most people. "Too short" and you're not pretty anymore. "Too long" and they start to have hair envy, and accuse you of being untidy or old-fashioned-looking.

Textured? Get that mess under control with a straightener. Pin straight? You need to curl it to give it body. Dark? Bleach it. Light blonde? No depth, get some low lights.

:rolleyes:

I think a lot of people who allow themselves to live according to expectation like to make sure everyone else is doing the same so that they don't have to feel bad about not doing what they'd like to do.

[chen bao jun]

Well, I have a strong set of opinions about how hair looks best myself, but I KEEP IT TO MYSELF. If someone asks me if they need a trim, I say something like, I think it looks fine but I don't mind fairy tale ends, what do you like? I don't tell them, no, and you need to stop bleaching your hair and BTW, I think its straightened too much and speaking of how you look, you'd look WAY better plus/minus 15 lbs. And get a whole new wardrobe.
!!!!
I wonder if some of this is a function of all those extreme makeover type shows and the talk show hosts that are always making people over.
Re: the red-headed remark, some people just have no filter. I remember when I was young though, I used to get this sort of thing a surprising amount of time, re being black. (I know times have changed for the better because my young nieces and friends don't EVER report similar remarks. this is like 40 years ago, in the midst of integration). White guys my age used to (not constantly, but it was always memorable) say things to me like, "I don't usually find black women to be attractive, but you are gorgeous." "You are so pretty, you don't look like the other black girls." Soo-this is what you think, but why exactly do you feel I need to hear this? I'm not walking up to your pimply self and saying some white guys are attractive, but not you!!!!
Thought is free but there's reason God didn't make us mind-readers. So you can keep some of them INSIDE YOUR HEAD.

[In2wishin]

Has anyone ever thought she said those mean things because she's jealous of your hair. She's jealous because you have long hair and it's not fried from all the things she does.

Why does everybody think that bad comments come out of jealousy? They don't. Those making the rude comments either really don't like long hair or they really don't like non conformists. My guess is that most don't like it when people don't conform to society's standards. Guys who shaved their heads were receiving very rude comments until enough did it that it became an acceptable look.

[sarahthegemini]

Why does everybody think that bad comments come out of jealousy? They don't. Those making the rude comments either really don't like long hair or they really don't like non conformists. My guess is that most don't like it when people don't conform to society's standards. Guys who shaved their heads were receiving very rude comments until enough did it that it became an acceptable look.

This is what I can't stand about LHC - people seem to think that everyone loves long hair and those that say otherwise are secretly jealous. Err no. Some people just dislike long hair okay?

[EdG]

This is what I can't stand about LHC - people seem to think that everyone loves long hair and those that say otherwise are secretly jealous. Err no. Some people just dislike long hair okay?Just for grins, I typed "short hair community" into Google. Google returned a fashion magazine and community forum. Apparently, the Long Hair Community has a polar opposite. :lol:
Ed

[sarahthegemini]

Just for grins, I typed "short hair community" into Google. Google returned a fashion magazine and community forum. Apparently, the Long Hair Community has a polar opposite. :lol:
Ed

Haha! :lol:

[queenovnight]

I've been given more than I could handle.

"You should trim a few inches and maybe dye it brown. Your hair would be so pretty brown! You'd look good with short hair too! It would suit you better and look more professional. You know, long hair on short girls can make them appear heavier right?"


-.-

[jacqueline101]

Why does everybody think that bad comments come out of jealousy? They don't. Those making the rude comments either really don't like long hair or they really don't like non conformists. My guess is that most don't like it when people don't conform to society's standards. Guys who shaved their heads were receiving very rude comments until enough did it that it became an acceptable look.

Because from experience they put people down for something turn around and tell their friends they wish they could do what it is they're putting that person down for doing. I didn't say every comment was made out of jealousy I was just bringing another view point into the light. Of course you are talking to a nonconformist name another female contractor. I do hear crap about that too and then the same ones that put me down for it turn around tell others they wish they'd start their own company. I did something they wanted to do. Yes people can back stab when they're are jealous.

[jacqueline101]

Yup, I agree too. There seems to be a very narrow range of acceptable hair to most people. "Too short" and you're not pretty anymore. "Too long" and they start to have hair envy, and accuse you of being untidy or old-fashioned-looking.

Textured? Get that mess under control with a straightener. Pin straight? You need to curl it to give it body. Dark? Bleach it. Light blonde? No depth, get some low lights.

:rolleyes:

I think a lot of people who allow themselves to live according to expectation like to make sure everyone else is doing the same so that they don't have to feel bad about not doing what they'd like to do.

When I was a renter years ago I lived next to a beauty salon. It was great as far as education goes. Hair dressers would butcher simple hair cuts cutting it shorter or different if they didn't like a certain cut. I heard one hair dresser say we like nice hair not plain hair.

[lilin]

This is what I can't stand about LHC - people seem to think that everyone loves long hair and those that say otherwise are secretly jealous. Err no. Some people just dislike long hair okay?

I don't think it's so much jealousy of long hair itself, but rather jealousy that someone is doing what they want to do regardless of society's opinion, when they feel they can't. People get that way about a lot of different things -- they feel inhibited, so they want everyone else to be too.

[Entangled]

I agree with some of the sentiments being said here. As a girl with a "dirty blonde" head of hair, I've felt a lot of pressure to dye, highlight, straighten, curl, and layer my "boring" hair. That pressure comes both overtly and subconsciously. The well intended gushing ("you should TOTALLY let me do _____") often sends the message "Your hair is blah; I can fix it!" Those comments really affected my hair-esteem when I was younger, because while I used the excuse of not allowed to do trendy things with my hair, in reality I lacked the skills to maintain such hairstyles. Often, these people just want to see a completely different style on those with plain, boring, or simple hair. Short hair, being the norm, is seen as artsy and expressive, while long hair is seen as traditional and boring. What many don't understand is that not all of us are trendy. Not all of us share the same brand of beauty ideals. Those comments are often given by people who subscribe to a different beauty ideal when it comes to hair, and consider our hair outside of it, and therefore more ugly. Many people see long hair as a blank canvas and not as a work or art in itself. I've seen the same thing go with makeup, as I rarely wear it. When I mentioned that I thought it would be fun to try some for school, I had several girls line up to volunteer! Just as I get braid-happy on others' hair, they get style happy on ours.

On the other hand, there are some jealous, manipulative people out there. I've met a few of them, and know that some people aren't happy unless others aren't. However, I've found that these people are in the minority.

There are also those who genuinely dislike long hair and consider it unkempt, ugly, and ridiculous. They tend to think longhairs are lazy, or overly vain. Either way, they want to see someone adopt their beauty standards and stop defying the norm.

Then, there are those who like long hair and short hair alike, but have never tried real long hair (not extensions) for themselves, due to the time and commitment it takes. Most people I've met fall in this category.

Let's face it: some people hate long hair. It unnerves them, regardless of condition. Some people love it. (Just look at the folks here!) Some people find it interesting or attractive, but never take the time to try it themselves. Some people view unprossesed hair as an opportunity. Often, we're not going to change anyone's mind. We can just smile and move on, or address an issue if someon is hurtful. Then, we can come here and get smothered in hair loveliness! :cheese:

[Duchess Fuzzy Buns]

I agree with some of the sentiments being said here. As a girl with a "dirty blonde" head of hair, I've felt a lot of pressure to dye, highlight, straighten, curl, and layer my "boring" hair. That pressure comes both overtly and subconsciously. The well intended gushing ("you should TOTALLY let me do _____") often sends the message "Your hair is blah; I can fix it!" Those comments really affected my hair-esteem when I was younger, because while I used the excuse of not allowed to do trendy things with my hair, in reality I lacked the skills to maintain such hairstyles. Often, these people just want to see a completely different style on those with plain, boring, or simple hair. Short hair, being the norm, is seen as artsy and expressive, while long hair is seen as traditional and boring. What many don't understand is that not all of us are trendy. Not all of us share the same brand of beauty ideals. Those comments are often given by people who subscribe to a different beauty ideal when it comes to hair, and consider our hair outside of it, and therefore more ugly. Many people see long hair as a blank canvas and not as a work or art in itself. I've seen the same thing go with makeup, as I rarely wear it. When I mentioned that I thought it would be fun to try some for school, I had several girls line up to volunteer! Just as I get braid-happy on others' hair, they get style happy on ours.

On the other hand, there are some jealous, manipulative people out there. I've met a few of them, and know that some people aren't happy unless others aren't. However, I've found that these people are in the minority.

There are also those who genuinely dislike long hair and consider it unkempt, ugly, and ridiculous. They tend to think longhairs are lazy, or overly vain. Either way, they want to see someone adopt their beauty standards and stop defying the norm.

Then, there are those who like long hair and short hair alike, but have never tried real long hair (not extensions) for themselves, due to the time and commitment it takes. Most people I've met fall in this category.

Let's face it: some people hate long hair. It unnerves them, regardless of condition. Some people love it. (Just look at the folks here!) Some people find it interesting or attractive, but never take the time to try it themselves. Some people view unprossesed hair as an opportunity. Often, we're not going to change anyone's mind. We can just smile and move on, or address an issue if someon is hurtful. Then, we can come here and get smothered in hair loveliness! :cheese:

Hair-esteem :spitting: hahaha! I suffered from poor hair-esteem for years... I like your post- very well stated. :)

[peachyleshy]

I don't really get advice on my hair... Unless I ask my husband for his opinion. But then he doesn't necessarily give me advice. My sister did tell me I should get my bangs cut like the girls in the Korean drama shows we like. I didn't agree....
But I've never had anyone unload opinions like that on me. How annoying!

[Rinna]

My mom always has opinions regarding my hair that have nothing to do with my hair and everything to do with how she feels about herself at the moment.

She'd tell me my hair reeks and needs washing (sometimes when I just washed it), ask if I started brushing it yet (I never brush) and go on about how great I used to look with a pixie (I'm at waist now). Then, sometimes, she'd tell me it looks good and what did I do with it? (Nothing new!)

Took me a while to understand that every single comment mom makes about my appearance, positive or negative, is her projecting her mood, and really can't be trusted.