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View Full Version : Changes in what feels like "me"



Jing
June 24th, 2014, 03:53 AM
Ever since I was a little kid, blue-based black was always my dream hair colour. I used semi-permanent dye to achieve that colour a few times (always been too lazy to commit to monthly root touchups), and I loooved it! It really felt like home and every time, I got tons of compliments (and a few "You dyed your hair? Wait, it wasn't always black?" :p). Then I started growing my hair and didn't dye it for a few years. Until last November. Shiny, shiny blue black once more! Let's not get into how much thickness that cost me, eugh...

The point of the story is that I got just as many compliments as always, both my husband and our best friend were very eager for me to keep the colour, but this time, I did not feel at home at all. I still think it's a gorgeous colour in and of itself, but looking in the mirror just made me feel sad. I've also suddenly developed a strong appreciation for red hair this past year, especially the kinds of darker shades that people are rarely born with but still look natural. I've never been a fan of red hair before.

Hair turned shiny black is bad. Hair turned shiny red is good. Shiny black comes from "chemicals." Shiny red comes from... Alright, spill, have you guys stepped up the subliminal messaging around here? :suspect:

;) Seriously, though, anyone want to share similar experiences? Anything hair-wise that felt like to-the-core you your entire life which suddenly started to feel inauthentic? (And yes yes, shiny black can also be achived with indigo. :p)

hexbomb
June 24th, 2014, 04:02 AM
Actually incredibly similar to yours. My mother had the shiniest, most beautiful black hair. From the time I was little, I wanted that hair. My mother, on the other hand, was so happy I had "nice" hair. (IE: blond-brown, and looked like every white girl in town.) I had plans for years of my life to dye my hair black. I'm adopted, and eventually I met my twin, who along with being with the biological parents, had dyed her hair black. I then realized just how bad I'd look with black hair, (even if we don't get along, twins come in handy sometimes) and abandoned my dream. Shortly thereafter I started going red and loved it ever since.

ChloeDharma
June 24th, 2014, 04:12 AM
For me it was blonde. I was blonde as a child and teenager though by then it was more a summer lightening my hair thing. Then I started helping it, lemon juice at first then a bit of peroxide, by the time I was 17 I was white blonde using peroxide and hair bleach. I did go through a few phases of growing it out but would always feel odd without light blonde hair, despite getting lots of compliments on my natural hair colour and noticing how much shinier and glossy it looked without the damage.

Then one day in my erm....early-ish 20's I was going through a phase of putting in wool braids in various colours. Because they were wool I couldn't wash my hair of course as I had them classic or thigh length and LOTS of them to get huge hair. One day I decided to go for dark red/mahogany ones. The wool was quite fuzzy so they actually looked like dreads and I was amazed at how much I liked the colour. I got compliments from just about everyone who knew me and that seemed to be the moment I decided that red was for me. Unfortunately coming from a hairdressing background I did use permanent chemical colourants which are awful for fading when they are red so I was doing my whole length every time and fried my hair but that's a bit off topic.
Now I can't imagine not being a hennahead. I have tried it a few times, particularly when I was exclusively herb washing and some of the herbs dulled the red a lot but red just feels natural to me now.

Nellon
June 24th, 2014, 04:18 AM
Me, me! Same exact experience lol! When I was young I was always admiring long, black hair. Never thought anything but black would feel as much as "home" or as right for me. Dyed it black eventually, loved it. Now, however, henna is the stuff dreams are made of around here :) Maybe as we change as people the way we view ourselves and what we are comfortable with also change? I think that might just be a good thing?

I've used henna for 2 and 1/2 year and I never tire it seems.
Isn't it something about the shine? The consistency? The fact that it's herbal? The smell even? that makes it addictive? ;)
Good luck in your redhead adventure! :cheer:

Ingrid
June 24th, 2014, 04:26 AM
For me it was the opposite; for years I dyed my hair with henna and LOVED the colour and everything about it because my natural hair colour always seemed too "dull". But then I realised that unfortunately as much as I love the henna colour it does not suit me at all. Now I'm in the process of growing out my natural dark ash blonde hair which I haven't seen in years and I'm discovering it's quite a nice and complex colour in its own way. I still admire henna on others though :popcorn:

Nesoi
June 24th, 2014, 05:06 AM
I definitely relate to this. I was blonde as a child and then as a teenager started dying it all sorts of colours. At 18 I decided go go dye-free and was dismayed to find I was no longer blonde!! So I was a bottle-blonde for a while because that felt like me. Then in my twenties it suddenly just...didn't, anymore, and I died it black! Sometimes with red streaks. I kept it that way for years. At some point I must have gone dye-free again. I don't really remember it but when I met my husband I had chin-length jet-black hair, and five years later when we got married it was waist-length and virgin!

Then the length started to not feel like me, so I pixied and then buzzed. And then THAT started to not feel like me so now I'm growing it again! :crazyq: Seems I still can't really make up my mind. I am not sure that my natural colour really feels like me but I'm too lazy to colour it anymore. I don't look good with red hair (a lesson repeatedly and reluctantly learned) so henna is out. Looks like I'm destined to be a member of the Ash Pride Club :rockerdud

Majorane
June 24th, 2014, 06:35 AM
I was born with reddish chestnutty hair. And since I saw the little mermaid I knew: I'm a redhead inside. I need to be red. I feel like I have red hair. So, at age 12 I started hennaing my hair. Have been a redhead ever since. I am known for my red hair and my redhead personality.

And just last week, I hennaed my roots that I had forgot to do for four months. And when the henna rinsed out and I looked in the mirror, after 16 years of henna, I realised:
This isn't me any more.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN, AND WHAT DO I DO NOW?!

Seriously, I do not get this. How can I not like my red hair any more? Arggggghhghgh...

(Nice to know there's more that have this problem :flowers:)

Nimia
June 24th, 2014, 09:05 AM
Similar story here: blonde as a child, did the bleach streaks for decades as my hair darkened, and then a couple years ago I realized the blonde wasn't working for me anymore. The ash roots and cool highlights were washing me out, but perhaps a more important -- and admittedly kind of nutty -- influence was those "Real Housewives" shows featuring many scary women with bleached hair. I didn't want to look/be anything like them.

So, a couple years ago I went a medium-dark red at the salon. It's ranged from brown-red to cherry, to medium rust with apricot streaks. I can't say it quite feels like me yet, perhaps because the color changed each time I went to the salon (only partly on purpose; at least half the time it was an unintended result that I didn't like). Tomorrow I'm doing my first-ever henna application, and I have high hopes that this will finally be the "me" color that I can live in for the next decade.

Robot Ninja
June 24th, 2014, 10:41 AM
I had a similar experience to yours. I had bottle blue-black hair for years, then I started dyeing it red. I was convinced it was the color I was meant to have been born with, even though it clashed with my skin tone and reds fade like crazy. I went back to purple-black briefly two years ago and it just seemed wrong for me. I was supposed to be a redhead!

Then I found out you can use Manic Panic on unbleached hair, and gave myself the purple hair I've always wanted to try. It looked awesome, it was fun, it was me! Of course, it helped that I got loads of compliments. I'm temporarily back to red because of "responsible adult" reasons and even though it's a cooler red that doesn't clash with my skin tone, it just doesn't seem like me anymore.

spidermom
June 24th, 2014, 10:48 AM
I haven't had a similar experience, just wanted to say that I love blue-black color. I admire it every time I see it. However, I've always known it wouldn't work with my ivory Northern European skin tone.

chen bao jun
June 24th, 2014, 10:54 AM
Of course there will be changes in what you feel, that is the nature of feelings. they are never set in stone. There will be many different 'yous' in that sense during your lifetime especially if you live a nice long life. Nothing wrong with that. I don't think you are 'supposed' to be anything--almost everything about you can change and haircolor is one of the most mutable, people's hair changes on its own, without hairdye or henna. Just do whatever you feel like, so long as it is healthy for your hair--heck, teenagers and older do unhealthy things to their hair all the time and it recovers. It has nothing to do with what the 'real' you is. Just so long as you never get confused about objective reality--I'm currently a person with black hair (and some grey) and if I change that to blonde or red or whatever, I'm still a person with black hair that's been bleached or dyed or both and though its nobody's business but mine, the 'real' me has not come out somehow during this process, nor has 'what I'm supposed to be' happened--just that I prefer to be this color at this time and later I might choose to be something else..KWIM?

Majorane
June 24th, 2014, 11:15 AM
Chen, yes, I know what you mean. However it feels really strange to very strongly identify with a specific personal marker, and then all of a sudden - not anymore. Sure it's just hair, so I am only confused about my redhairedness and brownhairendessfeelings to a small extend as my hair doesn't make me that much more Majorane than my nails do, or my shoes or my clothing.

But if I zoom in on the hairfeelings, then it's REALLY weird to look in the mirror and suddenly think: "no, no, this color that I loved and cherished for so long I still love - but it's not ME any more". I guess a lot of people still are surprised by the fact that flavours and feelings about things change, even though we all know that happens. Especially this happens about things that help us identify as ourselves.

:)

ErinLeigh
June 24th, 2014, 11:18 AM
I was a dyed red head all thru my late teen and early 20's. I was continually complimented on it. It was brought up so much and so often I began to feel a bit of an identity with it.
When I shaved my head I let the pixie stay my natural color which was very dark brown. When I hot shoulder I went to color it I just couldn't. I started looking at my dark eyebrows and skin tone and walked set the box down. This began my foray into light browns and blonds. The few times later that I tried to go red again I received negative feedback and I gave myself negative feedback. The color I adored for 10 years no longer looked or felt right in me. It was very strange.
I still kick the idea of trying red again but I know if I do I will ultimately remove it as something in me has changed how I view the color on myself.

OP This is a very cool thread. I am enjoying it :)

Jing
June 25th, 2014, 05:00 AM
I haven't had a similar experience, just wanted to say that I love blue-black color. I admire it every time I see it. However, I've always known it wouldn't work with my ivory Northern European skin tone.

Oh I don't know about that - I'm Swedish and as ivory as they come, and yeah, compliments all around. I do have medium-dark brown hair naturally, though. It's a lot to do with how well your coplexion handles contrast when you have pale skin. Have you ever tried on a black wig to see if how it'd look?


Chen, yes, I know what you mean. However it feels really strange to very strongly identify with a specific personal marker, and then all of a sudden - not anymore. Sure it's just hair, so I am only confused about my redhairedness and brownhairendessfeelings to a small extend as my hair doesn't make me that much more Majorane than my nails do, or my shoes or my clothing.

But if I zoom in on the hairfeelings, then it's REALLY weird to look in the mirror and suddenly think: "no, no, this color that I loved and cherished for so long I still love - but it's not ME any more". I guess a lot of people still are surprised by the fact that flavours and feelings about things change, even though we all know that happens. Especially this happens about things that help us identify as ourselves.

:)

This. ^ We are never static in who we are, and trying to be is slow suicide for the soul. If I'd kept diligently dying my hair black while growing it out, the realisation might have crept up on me instead of being a revelation, but then again maybe not.

I wonder how many people keep dying their hair a certain colour they no longer feel for because they're afraid to let go of that identity. Disregarding those who keep dying just to cover their greys.


OP This is a very cool thread. I am enjoying it :)

Glad to hear it! So am I. :)

pineconejg
June 25th, 2014, 07:18 AM
I formerly had a love affair with hair color. I was naturally dark blond (now tawny to light brown). I thought my hair was boring. I tried red, I tried highlights. Now I like my natural hair color.

My mom, however... she is in her late fifties and most of her natural color is gray. She doesn't want to go gray so she colors her hair. She uses a box dye at home. When she was younger her hair was gorgeous, shiny, and almost reddish black. As a child, though, she had light brown hair. Now she uses a light brown dye and she looks so washed out. It just doesn't suit her skin tone. I wish she would let go of the idea of her childhood hair color and either go gray or color her hair much darker.

molljo
June 25th, 2014, 04:33 PM
I never felt in love with a color, but I definitely did with a cut. I've had several pixies over the last decade, and having one always felt bold and free until... it didn't. Suddenly I just never felt pretty and I always had to pile on makeup and jewelry if I went anywhere. I'm a very low maintenance kind of person, and daily makeup was never something I was into, and I didn't like that I couldn't just feel happy with myself as myself anymore. Looking cute felt like a duty instead of a special treat, you know? A big reason I cut my hair off the first time was because I thought I had inherently bad hair; it was big and frizzy and dull. When I decided to grow my hair out, I knew I needed a resource to teach me how to actually understand and care for it, which led me here. As my hair gets longer I feel better and better and better about myself, and I'm realizing just how drastically my opinion of my appearance changed when I no longer felt that pixies suited me.

HintOfMint
June 26th, 2014, 10:18 AM
I've had a similar experience with straightened hair. I was a teenager in the early 2000's, so flat ironed hair was all the rage and I always assumed that my round babyface was served well with pin straight hair (that I was too lazy to maintain on a regular basis, but that was another issue altogether).

Now when I have my hair flat ironed--not necessarily blown out straight, but flat ironed into submission--it doesn't look right with my face. Maybe I've just come into my own as an adult, but I'm just not terribly bothered by my hair texture anymore, even the frizz.

leilani
June 26th, 2014, 11:34 AM
Pineconejg I love your sig quote! I've read that book several timesas a kid and to my kids.

leilani
June 26th, 2014, 11:36 AM
Oh and I love this thread as I just stopped recreating my childhood golden blonde and am thinking a lot about this every time I see my reflection with dark hair!

inanna
June 26th, 2014, 12:37 PM
I went for the blue-black for years too, thinking I'd never go back to my very blah typically Finnish ashy brown blonette. I thought dark hair made me look more interesting and it went well with my wardrobe of black, black and black with accents of black.

And then I suddenly felt black wasn't that interesting and grew curious about what my natural colour really would look like. I also wanted to try growing my hair out from the pixie I had felt was a symbol of my new-found freedom. And what do you know, my own colour is not at all blah, I'm loving it!

Agnes Hannah
June 26th, 2014, 01:04 PM
oh my oh my!
I was born with jet black hair, lots of it, then I went light chestnut brown with golden highlights as a child. As I grew older, the brown became boring, so I started to colour it, then I started getting greys, so coloured them too - dark brown, almost black. It suited me and I was happy with this. Then, I decided to go lighter as my demarcation line was not too good, and now I have goldeny bits which are the greys, and a couple of darker hairs here and there. I am definitely light brown now, almost dark blonde, but feel that I am in transition. I don't want to go darker again because I feel that will be a step backwards, yet don't really like the colour it is. I am trying to blend in the greys naturally, so can colour less and less til they blend in. Sigh!

Nellon
June 26th, 2014, 03:16 PM
I never felt in love with a color, but I definitely did with a cut. I've had several pixies over the last decade, and having one always felt bold and free until... it didn't. Suddenly I just never felt pretty and I always had to pile on makeup and jewelry if I went anywhere. I'm a very low maintenance kind of person, and daily makeup was never something I was into, and I didn't like that I couldn't just feel happy with myself as myself anymore. Looking cute felt like a duty instead of a special treat, you know? A big reason I cut my hair off the first time was because I thought I had inherently bad hair; it was big and frizzy and dull. When I decided to grow my hair out, I knew I needed a resource to teach me how to actually understand and care for it, which led me here. As my hair gets longer I feel better and better and better about myself, and I'm realizing just how drastically my opinion of my appearance changed when I no longer felt that pixies suited me.

I'm just like this! I always before felt I had to "put my face on" before going out, and I don't like that feel! I want makeup to be about fun when you want it to be, and then when you don't feel like using it (most days), it's also fine and you can walk around feeling like yourself AND ok and pretty anyways!
Anyways, what's special about makeup anyways if we use it every day? :) I like to put it on once in a while and have my bf go: wow! haha!

peachyleshy
June 27th, 2014, 06:31 PM
Blue black hair is so cool - like a comic book character!
I don't know if I've ever had a hair color that really felt like the real me. My hair is naturally a golden medium brown. Starting in 4th grade I wanted my hair to be lighter and up until I was about 15 I dyed it lighter and lighter. It never really looked blonde, though it was. It just wasn't me. After that I just dyed it different shades of brown. Then I grew all the dye out and it was long! I think my hair is a pretty color, but I don't think it's as flattering as a darker brown is. So after trying out black, which lasted almost two years? I went back to dark brown. Which I like, but it's never quite good enough... hmmph :/

kyle_f
June 27th, 2014, 07:37 PM
Long hair has become part of me. I didn't grow it out because I had always wanted it or anything and for at least a year and a half I certainly didn't look like me in the mirror. But sometime in the last year or so that has changed to where I see myself with long hair when i picture myself rather than a buzz cut which for people who haven't seen me in a long time makes me sometimes unrecognizable if I haven't shaved either. It is kind of odd to think about how our image of ourselves changes with time. I wonder how it will change going forward with regards to hair for me?

Jing
June 28th, 2014, 09:18 AM
Best of luck to those who are on the hunt for the right hair colour! :cheer:

As much as I give a happy sigh every time I see a redhead, I don't think I'll be changing my own colour (until I change my mind!). Every time I take the time to have a proper look at my hair now that it's back to its natural shades, I fall a little bit deeper in love with it. I've come to realise, for one thing, that I have natural streaks, both lighter and darker than the "average" colour of my hair. And that makes me irrationally proud of my genes! :p Thankfully my newfound love of red has finally reconciled me with the copper tones in my hair, though!

Hopeful65
July 1st, 2014, 10:16 PM
I have had bangs my whole life. Nothing else. I was kind of known for my unique way of curling and spraying them. It was my identity, I guess.
Well, one day at age 48 I just up and changed my mind. I started growing them out last October. I was self conscious for a while, but then I started having the people around me tell me that I look better without my bangs. Now I am very happy without bangs. I feel like I will never ever want them again. For one thing, it sure makes life easier having wash & go hair. ;)

AmberJewel
July 1st, 2014, 10:54 PM
I'm similar to most of the stories here except that I never died my hair. I always loved the idea of black hair and wished I'd been born with it, but dyes weren't really an option at the time. Always thought my natural brown was pretty boring. But lately I've been learning to love the subtle complexities of the color and the way the sun can give it lighter gold color strands in the summer all by itself. I've decided that my natural color really does sit me after all. (Henna is becoming tempting though). ;)

Juniper.
July 2nd, 2014, 03:15 AM
For me it was the opposite; for years I dyed my hair with henna and LOVED the colour and everything about it because my natural hair colour always seemed too "dull". But then I realised that unfortunately as much as I love the henna colour it does not suit me at all. Now I'm in the process of growing out my natural dark ash blonde hair which I haven't seen in years and I'm discovering it's quite a nice and complex colour in its own way. I still admire henna on others though :popcorn:

My experience is pretty similar to yours. I spent years as a henna head and absolutely loved it! I got many compliments on my hair colour and really embraced being a redhead. It has been about 18 months since I last did it and that last time wasn't intended to be the last, but I ended up feeling like I had no desire whatsoever to henna again. I felt it wasn't me anymore, and I wanted to be me with my natural hair colour. I enjoyed being a henna head so much but now I really cannot wait for it all to be gone! I'm desperate for all my length to be its virgin, natural blonette.

I also love the colour on others, but on myself I'm so done with henna.