Growing long hair despite negativity

[Ayra]

Hi everyone! After lurking for a long time, I've finally decided to join. :D I have kept my hair around BSL most of my life - my mom always told me my hair is too fine/thin to grow and that it will look terrible long! :mad:

So I guess her general negativity made me think that I really can't ever grow it long without looking terrible... And I never really tried because it felt like there is "no point" in taking really good care of it anyway. Thanks to LHC, I found out that my hair is actually medium thickness and not really as thin as I thought, but it is in fact extremely tapered because of breakage.

Right now I'm at BSL/midbackish length and I'm hoping to reach waist in 8 months or so.

[Nimia]

Welcome, Ayra!

Some mothers have funny ideas about their daughters' hair, don't they? I'll bet there are a lot of us on here who are growing our hair long in part because Mom always made us keep it short.

I admit she was right about keeping it out my face, though. :)

[Ayra]

I think our mothers have a lot of influence on a lot of us when it comes to long hair... It's so hard to stop seeing yourself as the person with "bad hair that doesn't grow out". Although I consciously try to shake it off, it's very hard to let go of that image as it seems to have been hardwired throughout the years. LHC has definitely played a part in changing the way I think about my hair as I'm seeing so many fine and thin haired girls with stunning hair... :)

[hollygraham43]

My mom is one of the main reasons I am growing my hair to Terminal. She always kept my hair super short and shaved underneath. She to this day tells me I need a hair cut and that she is going to cut my hair if I don't.

[browneyedsusan]

My mom let me do what I wanted with my hair, as long as I took care of it.
I recently overheard her telling someone that she is having trouble getting used to my long, red hair. Too many years with the multi-colored pixie, I guess! She's asked me repeatedly why I don't have it cut into a "style", and I've patiently explained that I like to wear it different every day. She struggles with choosing clothes to wear, and how to decorate her home, so having to conjure up new hairstyles constantly would stress her out. I'm creative, and she's not. That's fine. :)

IMHO, most of society has trouble with extra-long hair. They see it as hard to manage and keep clean? :shrug:

I imagine there will come a time when my hair is too long to manage, but until then--> :cheese:

[Islandgrrl]

The only negativity I worry about is my own. and since I love having long hair, I'm not worried.

[Remi]

Taking good care of it is the key! Welcome. I know you will find plenty of help here.

[Cania]

Welcome to LHC! We have plenty of fine haired beauties here, you'll fit right in ^_~

[Johannah]

'YOUR HAIR IS SOOOOO LONG!!' is the kind of thing I hear EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's not that long at all, though. So I know how you feel, haha.

Welcome! :blossom:

[Flourishing]

I identify with a lot of what you've said in your op Ayra. My mum is lovely, but when I think something bad about my hair, it's her voice I hear in my head. And then when I came here, I realised my hair really isn't at all how I (and she) thought it was. And I can't see any reason that with good care it can't be long and nice.

[LittlePrincess]

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear about you mum's thoughts on your hair. I know how it feels though, my Mum used to be super controlling over my hair and made my hairdresser cut it into the UGLIEST bob every single month, UGH! Eventually it turned out it was because she didn't trust me to keep it brushed if it was long, so I grew it out anyway and proved her wrong :). Keep doing what you're doing, ignore the negativity and enjoy your hair being how you like it!!
As someone else said, nowadays the only negativity I get is from myself, I worry constantly about my hair even though sometimes I don't need to. When something goes wrong with it I find it hard to judge when it's got better as I'm so worried about it it still feels bad anyway.

[sophiesparrow]

Hiya! Newbie here too :) Good luck with your journey.

[Ayra]

'YOUR HAIR IS SOOOOO LONG!!' is the kind of thing I hear EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's not that long at all, though. So I know how you feel, haha.

Welcome! :blossom:

I love hearing that. My hair is at about BSL and today someone said "Your hair is getting long!". I was surprised by just how much I liked the comment. It's not even long yet... I can't wait to have waist length (and beyond) hair. I think I will really love it, and it feels like waist is kind of where the "legit" long hair starts. I decided to throw out all residual negativity, and appreciate the beautiful things about my hair.

I remember someone had a signature (sorry I can't remember the members name!) that went something like "No matter how much you hate your hair, someone out there wishes they could have it". And no matter what my hair is like, I know that deep down, I am long hair personality, well, whatever that is :smile:

Thank you so much for all your kind words ladies! :) I didn't check this thread in a while and thought it died or something but was pleasantly surprised to find all the responses here... Also Flourishing, sophiesparrow, and littleprincess, welcome to the community! We have much to learn from the hair pros here :cool:

[Wolfie]

I've always had long hair and for my mom it's the fact that I want it longer that she doesn't seem to get. I'm past waistlength and heading to tailbone and I always say: Gosh mom I wish my hair was longer. And she just stares at me like: Why would you want your hair longer?

[Alun]

Welcome, Ayra!

Some mothers have funny ideas about their daughters' hair, don't they? I'll bet there are a lot of us on here who are growing our hair long in part because Mom always made us keep it short.

I admit she was right about keeping it out my face, though. :)

Hey, I have long hair because my mother wanted me to keep it short, and I'm a guy!

Seriously, nobody much else really objected to it. Not my dad, even though he has conventional short hair. Mind you, he did once say he wanted to grow a beard when he was younger, and that in those days even beards were socially unacceptable.

[Alun]

Double post!

[DarkWanderer]

Welcome, Arya.
My mom forced me to keep my hair around shoulder length most of my life. On a couple occasions, it was cut to chin length, oh how I hated it! I was finally allowed to do what I wanted with it when I got my first job

[AmandaJane]

Hi Ayra!

I'm new here as well. I have very fine hair as well and so does my mom. She always insisted that she couldn't grow long hair because of it. I always had hairdressers that commented on how fine my hair was and that long hair wouldn't look good on me because it would be too flat. After seeing so many people with beautiful and long hair that is also fine, my mind has been changed!

My hair is shorter than yours at the moment but I hope we can both reach our goals of healthy waist length hair!

[The-Ghost-OfYou]

I haven't faced any negativity from my mother, in fact it was from myself! But if anyone tells you it is too long to manage or it will get in the way just tell them that's what updo's are for!

[Ayra]

Update : Hair is waist long now, but way too much damage so it doesn't look waist "long" > : ( :mad:

I am resolved to start wearing it up more and see if that helps!

[unicornlady]

Hey if it means anything to you, my hair is also thin. I had a lot of hair loss due to anemia when my periods started, it never was super dense but now it's very scarce. I was not able to get my hair back to this day no matter how much iron I take I just lose more. But I just accepted it and I'm growing long regardless. I wont let anything discourage me. If it's short I have the same hair, just shorter. It doesnt make my hair "better" or look more dense in any shape or form I've got what I've got. Take good care of your hair and get the best out of it.

[TigerEyes2143]

My husband has this weird thing where he thinks that long hair takes away too many nutrients, but I really don't think this is the case. It's not that long at all yet, ALMOST at armpit level length for me so far. My goal is to get it to the lowest part of my low-back though, just because I don't want to accidentally sit on it. XD

I remember my maternal grandma said a lot that she wanted me to have short hair, or at least keep my hair out of my face since I had bangs a lot when I was a kid. Her haircut was short, so I find that when people are really insistent about conforming to a style, it's their own personal taste that is the driving force. Not actually considering the desires of the person they're talking about, or what might be best for them. =)

Glad to hear you're making progress in having your hair be the way that YOU want it to be, though! Best wishes on getting it stronger and healthier! =D

[b70]

My mother has never had any strong opinions about my hair, we have a similar hairtype (babyfine and straight, dark ashy brown). I have believed all my life that my hair would not look good long, mostly based on the opinions of hairdressers. And now at the ripe old age of 45 I am going to rebel and grow my hair ;)

I have had periods of hair loss in my life - stressful times such as childbirth, divorce, loss of a loved one etc has always led to extreme shedding. I thought my hair was very thin, but I have just joined LHC and measured my hair for the first time - and my ponytail measures 3.5 inches, not including my blunt bangs. So it seems like I have average thickness after all? :)

[b70]

My mother has never had any strong opinions about my hair, we have a similar hairtype (babyfine and straight, dark ashy brown). I have believed all my life that my hair would not look good long, mostly based on the opinions of hairdressers. And now at the ripe old age of 45 I am going to rebel and grow my hair ;)

I have had periods of hair loss in my life - stressful times such as childbirth, divorce, loss of a loved one etc has always led to extreme shedding. I thought my hair was very thin, but I have just joined LHC and measured my hair for the first time - and my ponytail measures 3.5 inches, not including my blunt bangs. So it seems like I have average thickness after all? :)

[b70]

Sorry, double post!

[Kitsunesunset]

I also have very thin hair and it doesn't look good any shorter than where I've kept it the last several years. My mother always kept it short and ugly because she never thought it would look good grown out either. I'm talking the kind of short and ugly that had wings/horns. Blegh. Forget that. Forget them. Grow it out and see how you like it.

[Ayra]

Yep - just continuing growing it - my only regret is that i washed it every day for the past 8 months, and that maybe the reason why I ended up with waist long yet damaged hair...
But I AM THERE, no matter what condition the hair is... :shrug: Although i know that some people say that short hair is better than long damaged hair, I say whatevs :wink:

[lapushka]

My husband has this weird thing where he thinks that long hair takes away too many nutrients, but I really don't think this is the case. It's not that long at all yet, ALMOST at armpit level length for me so far. My goal is to get it to the lowest part of my low-back though, just because I don't want to accidentally sit on it. XD

The nutrients thing is so old. My mom used to tell me that, so I wouldn't grow out my hair (when I was a child). It's odd how people can try and fool you, isn't it? ;)

[TigerEyes2143]

The nutrients thing is so old. My mom used to tell me that, so I wouldn't grow out my hair (when I was a child). It's odd how people can try and fool you, isn't it? ;)
Ha ha, yeah, it is. I think my husband might actually believe this though, so I don't think he's trying to "fool" me on purpose at any rate. And since I wear it up so often anyway, it's basically out of sight and out of mind for him most of the time. XD

[Ayra]

Hey if it means anything to you, my hair is also thin. I had a lot of hair loss due to anemia when my periods started, it never was super dense but now it's very scarce. I was not able to get my hair back to this day no matter how much iron I take I just lose more. But I just accepted it and I'm growing long regardless. I wont let anything discourage me. If it's short I have the same hair, just shorter. It doesnt make my hair "better" or look more dense in any shape or form I've got what I've got. Take good care of your hair and get the best out of it.

:beerchug: Yep I feel this way too, although it does thin out as it grows longer for me, I think... Trimming it a lot seemed to help but like the growth is so slow that way :/

[Mimha]

(...)
I remember my maternal grandma said a lot that she wanted me to have short hair, or at least keep my hair out of my face since I had bangs a lot when I was a kid. Her haircut was short, so I find that when people are really insistent about conforming to a style, it's their own personal taste that is the driving force. Not actually considering the desires of the person they're talking about, or what might be best for them. (...)


This ! How much people HAVE TO judge what should be best for you, grrrrr ! :mad:

I have now understood (rather late in my life, unfortunately) that these people who are eagerly trying to make others conform to their standards are often the ones who have been pressured themselves on the same point. A woman who could not let her hair grow despite her wish because she would get unpleasant remarks from her own mother, family, friends, colleagues, hairdressers, etc. and who has finally convinced herself that it's better for her to give up letting her hair grow, will always have a secret frustration about it. So, not to feel frustrated and sad, she will unconsciously do her best to believe that short hair are best for her and other concerned persons in the similar situation. Of course, the regret has not disappeared : it's just inhibited. So when this person sees that another one allows herself to let her "similarly bad hair" grow (and even worse : enjoy it and be proud of it !!) she will have a strong reaction of indignation. This strong reaction just shows how much constraint she went through and not at all the reality about both her and your own hair.

You should be able to enjoy your hair as per your own preference : WTF does it change to the other's life if your hair is long or short ??? You are the one who deals and cares for it every day. Not the others. You are allowed to enjoy it and get happiness out of it instead of sterile frustration. If this is unpleasant for some other persons, they should think about what problem they have with their own image. What people say tells more about themselves than about yourself^^.

[ovalgal]

I also experienced this from friends and family in my life! This forum is what helped me decide to grow my hair long despite negativity because there are so many people with fine, long, beautiful hair on here. And plenty of knowledge to go around on how to care for it :D

[TwilightShadow]

My mom was kinda the same. She used to take my sister and I to get our hair cut quite often, we never had it past shoulder length when we were kids. she kept saying that we have little hair, though honestly, my sister actually verges on iii thickness, she just has 1c hair and I'm right in the middle of ii hair and mine is 2a (it has been more straight as a child). When I was a bit older (from high school onwards), I put up more of a fight, since I wanted to have long hair; she didn't exactly force me to cut it, but she kept saying that I should every few months. I have cut it a few times short out of my own will, but i mostly kept it between APL and BSL, until I decided to grow it out a few years ago. During this time, I have been told a few times that it's getting too long and thin and I should cut it. Last year, for example, I had it in a regular braid and my mom attempted again to convince me to cut it at least 10 cm and I was thinking: "Whoa, that's almost a whole year's growth for me! Are you insane?" Anyway, for the past several months, she hasn't said anything anymore. Maybe she realized this isn't just a phase and I'm not giving up growing it out. Also, she probably realized my hair doesn't look so bad long.

[vpatt]

My dad wanted my hair long and then so did my husband....I liked my long hair, but I suspect cutting it shorter and shorter over the years was rebellion, lol. That and I thought I was too old....and then suddenly one day I realized I missed my long hair. So I am not worrying about the age thing. I don't know how long it will grow, guess I'll find out.

Good luck and welcome to the community.

[MINAKO]

Thats sad to read, but you came to the right place to detach yourself from that mindset, even if in most cases there will always be alot of dependency on a mothers opinion, its alright to disagree about hair i guess.... because YES!! you totally can grow it out as long as you want and it will look amazing as you take good care of it.
My mom always told me that my hair and everything else about me is beautiful, although i had alot of funny expirimental phases in my teens and continously hated my hair at all stages. She told me if theres anything i dont like about it i shall try something different, end of story.
Now when i sometimes talk about my bob hair phase, which was actually pretty decent shereally ensures me that long hair is much more elegant and unique and i should not think of cutting it as it sets me apart. Her hair and general taste a bit different from mine, but i share haircare tips with her, we do treatments together when i visit. her house and i also help her with root touch ups and trims. Sometimes it can help to encourage the other person from your site, regardless of what they say. Teach her that its all about support if she doesnt already know that. :)