funny--23 hairstyles that don't work

[chen bao jun]

It has a tiny bit of bad language at the very beginning and then no more. I swear this is what 'regular people' (not-LHC) seem to think.
http://the-toast.net/2014/04/02/hairstyles-dont-exist/

[Lirona]

"Only devil hands can make a fishtail braid."

Hilarious article!!

[neko_kawaii]

"Only devil hands can make a fishtail braid."

Hilarious article!!

I was just coming back to say that I'll take "devil hands" as a compliment.

My SIL was just admiring a toy I'm working on and lamenting that nothing stays in her straight hair. Her hair is waiver than mine *sigh* but there is no convincing her that it is possible.

[woodswanderer]

I didn't know the general population was aware of infinity buns.

[Larki]

Haha how on earth can someone's hair slide out of a ponytail?! Are they just not securing it? :p

[chen bao jun]

I have a friend whose hair can slide out of a ponytail. Very silky and pin straight hair and it is also fine and thin. If she puts a tight elastic on it it breaks off and every other thing in the world just slides off. So its possible. She would need something specialized to hold her hair, but would not be willing to pay the money.
She has beautiful hair--she is one of about two people I know who have healthy natural hair who aren't on LHC.
As for the infinity bun, I don't think the person who wrote the article is talking about a real infinity bun. I think she thinks she's making up a name.

[Tall Blond(ish)]

I'm inclined to agree with finger waves, the fake bob, and blow-drying with a round brush.

[spirals]

#4 (flat ironing) is me! LOL

[Marika]

Oh, my hair slides out of a ponytail all the time! :D And Flexi-8s and even Ficcares! And those silicone ties I use for braids, they come off in seconds. It's gotten even worse now that I use less cones. Weird (and a little bit frustrating)!

[Islandgrrl]

Hilarious article! I especially like the dry shampoo bit!

[YvetteVarie]

I laughed like the Lion King hyenas when I read it. Its so hilarious. And I do agree about fishtail braids, only devil hands can do that

[CremeTron]

Devil hands!

I have attempted fishtail braids so many times and failed I just have to agree..

[martyna_22]

French braiding is just something my hands refuse to make as well :D

[Dreams_in_Pink]

Loose waves do not exist. Straight hair that has been artificially curled comes in exactly two forms: I Just Took The Curler Off This Second and The Curl Is Gone, I Have No More Curls. Loose curls forsooth.

Now your hair is the same, but with powder in it. Nothing happened.

These two lines i agree %100. The rest made me ROFL :D

[Dessi]

I can't believe some people would agree with all of those things.
''2. Having A Bun That Doesn't Slowly Migrate Off Your Head''
I can make a bun in the morning and it would be the same when I go to bed. :D (well, depends on the bun)
''21. That Thing Of Where You Wrap A Tiny Strand Of Hair Around Your Ponytail Elastic To Make It Look Like Your Hair Generated Its Own Ponytail''
I've never had a problem with this one.

[julee]

12, 4 and 2 I completely identified with! When I used to wear a ponytail to school, without fail. by the end of the day it had parted in the side :D. And the few times I have flat ironed it does virtually nothing for my hair, it just makes it fluffier.

[Cania]

This made me chuckle, thank you ^_^
I love the 'Festival Hair' one especially. And her hatred of back combing!

[chen bao jun]

She is very obviously a fine and silky 1a, probably with LOTS of fine hair.
If I was to write it about my hair, I'd have some of the same, but mostly different issues. for instance, fingercurls, that works just fine in my hair. And I can do crown braids easily, because my braids want to stick up in the air anyway. (Think Pippi Longstocking, but more so). And of course I can braid my hair. It wants to stick together. (she's right about fishtail braids though). However, she's pretty much accurate about the flat iron--my hair will still be curly, but hot--and now with some added frizz--no, LOTS of added frizz. And I also never got the dry shampoo thing. My hair would still be dirty but more itchy with powder added to it. And I would NEVER get the powder out. I can't brush. And probably when I shampooed my hair would still be full of powder, only all gunked up in there. Ugh.

[spidermom]

no sense of humor here, I guess

[jacqueline101]

I agree about the devil hands and fish bone braids. I can't do one at all.

[rags]

I laughed out loud at these, especially the inside out braid (a skinned braid? :lol: ) and the fishtail braid. I can only fishtail over my shoulder, so. I sympathize with that one!

My ponytails also part and slide off my head. Silicone braid end bands slide out too. It's one reason I've quit using coney conditioners - NOTHING stays in my hair when its full of dimethicone. But baby fine and thin hair here - not a normal hair type for long hair.

[Macaroni]

She's a stone cold riot, I ♥ her!

14. Finger Waves ,,,"Pinch your nose and tomorrow you’ll have different colored eyes."

2. Having A Bun That Doesn’t Slowly Migrate Off Your Head "They just…slide down and out, like a drunk friend who doesn’t want to keep walking."

[RapunzelKat]

Too funny!! :lol: Thank you for sharing, chen bao jun!

As a 1A finey, I can empathize with a lot of those. I definitely also suffer from migrating bun syndrome! :p

[Feathered]

That was really funny. I've never heard the claw clip called a "prison" before. That cracked me up, as well as the description of trying to blow dry hair with a brush. I agree with that ,even though I no longer blow dry my hair. I can't imagine being able to crown braid my own hair either. Way to complicated for me.

[AmyBeth]

I could have written that article. I'm hopelessly dense when it comes to doing anything at all with my hair, except I can do a simple English braid. I could even add a couple- high pony tails and buns are impossible because they hurt too much! All of the weight of either are being supported by one or two single strands of hair which cannot tolerate the pulling for more than 5 minutes! Doesn't matter what I use- spin pins, sticks bobby pins- they all hurt. It's gotten worse the longer my hair gets because it's even more weight on the one or two strands. Funny article, though.

[Nimia]

The hair products one got me: "Now you have goop in your hair. It doesn’t do anything. It’s just goop, and now you have to wash your hair again." As far as gel or anything else meant for styling and holding hair in place or in a certain shape, I agree. If it does hold, it looks shellacked and I comb it until it doesn't, but then it doesn't hold. And now it looks dull and wrong.

[Impulsive]

I'm going to have to agree with the parts about dry shampoo, the flat iron, and the blow dryer. Especially the blow dryer, which I've never had any luck with - in addition to the hair blowing everywhere, the brush always gets stuck in my hair. It is a curse, I think.

[stachelbeere]

ah :( can't see this article

[duchess67]

Hilarious, had a good laugh! Thanks chen, you made my day!

[leilani]

Very funny :-)
I relate to the comment about goop, also.never felt willing to put sticky product in nice, clean, silky hair.

[GoddessLocks]

Funny! I can sympathize with some of them. I have not mastered the french braid. Maybe I will as my daughter gets older :)

[patienceneeded]

Very funny! Thanks for sharing. I appreciated the whole tongue-in-cheek sarcastic sense of humor. So many of those I completely agree with!

[MeowScat]

That was awesome, thanks for sharing! There were more than I'd like to admit to agreeing with. :D

[torrilin]

Ah, another 1something F, probably in the no man's land between I maybe can stuff it in a braid and holy **** hair sticks work. Depending on thickness and your height, that's going to put you in the APL to waist range.

Ponytails are a stopgap so you don't slit your wrists in despair. They don't work well. But with practice you can get 4+ hours out of one, and they make swim practice a lot less miserable with shortish long hair. Pair with a hat if it's hot out and your hair is too short to stay in a bun. Bend over so the ponytail dangles towards your forehead, anchor it in place with your hat. You'll look like a total dork, but if it's that hot out, you're doomed anyway. Elegant is a lost cause, so you might as well aim for not dead of heat stroke.

The only cure for the braids thing is practice. Lots of practice. I could braid a doll's hair by age 5 or 6. I couldn't braid my own hair til age 15 or so, and I couldn't do a French braid til age 25. I still can't do a fishtail braid. I wish I were joking, but I'm not. It's a complicated skill, and it takes a lot of spatial know how. If you're bad at spatial stuff, it will not be an easy skill to learn.

Sock buns still escape me, mostly because I haven't tried 'em. Well that and my hair is long enough now that a fully rolled sock bun is my only hope. I look at the instructions for it and...

Tie my hair in a knot. This is really the one that gives it away that the author is a 1 and F. Technically, I can probably tie my hair in a knot before APL, especially if we're talking stuff like Aphrodite knots. As a practical matter tho, I'll rarely do knotted styles until I'm on my way to waist. I need AT LEAST 27" of hair to get a plain knot bun to hold, and with shorter hair, my double buns are so small I haven't found anything that is both grippy enough and small enough to anchor them. Physics? How the hell does it work? Once I'm on my way to waist tho, I can do plain knots or Celtic knots and life is good.

Heidi braids... In theory, they're doable at barely BSL on me. In practice? They're starting to hold pretty good now that I'm around TBL and I can almost get each twin braid to wrap the whole way around my head. My twin braids are thin enough that I can catch them both in the little bitty half inch long claw clips. Grab 2-4 of those, and I have a nicely anchored hairstyle. 1F hair needs a lot of help with anchoring. A lot. No matter your thickness, 1F hair will tend to spit out hair toys. (really, 1 hair period tends to spit hair toys) Heidi braids also have that problem of hiding hair toys or getting enough toys for the style to stay that twin buns do.

Diffusers are as near as I can tell just plain not for 1F hair. Our problem is our hair tends to get wet and then form this tiny lump held together with surface tension from the water. Really, blow dryers aren't for us either. It can seriously take over an hour to dry my hair with a blow dryer without a diffuser. With a diffuser it can hit epic totals that make my air dry times look sane. There's a reason I air dry...

But yeah, all my sympathies to the author.

[chen bao jun]

Torrilin, you are as funny as the author!
I was sure she had slippery fine, hair. that difficult if you want to do anything other than just let it hang there--which looks beautiful when you are a type 1. Silky and lovely. Now me, type 3a--I can do all kinds of things easily so far as manipulating hair, but then again, I often NEED to . Now that I'm on LHC, my curls come out beautifully more often than they used to, but its still all to often, 'cloudy with a chance of frizzball hair' if you know what I mean.

[starlamelissa]

Devil hands... Heh.

[torrilin]

:bow:

Thanks Chen!

The problem is that while it may *look* like it's just hanging there, it's actually forming a personal defense field around you. A lot of 1F hair will just float around the owner because each strand is so light. And it tends to form massive tangles while it does so. And for me at least, it tends to touch my face and be pretty tickly. Not fun :-/.

I figured out stuff that worked mostly out of desperation and a lot of trial and error. Not fun when all the advice you get tells you to do things that just don't work. And I'm sure most of us have run into that one.

[RapunzelKat]

You know, I have no trouble at all with fishtail braids... I wonder what that says about me... :hmm:

[chen bao jun]

that you have great fine motor skills?

You know, I have no trouble at all with fishtail braids... I wonder what that says about me... :hmm:

[chen bao jun]

Torrilin, you have me laughing out loud. That floating thing looks nice to others (though I know tangles are no fun). My hair would never float. It would, however) and does even at bra strap length if not moisturized, stick straight out sideways--not a good look. Floating hair looks ethereal, sticking straight out sideways, hmm-bride of Frankenstein? The other day, I made a french braid going upwards and it STAYED sticking up in the air like an Indian warrior feather--interesting in theory, but oh, my. When will it get enough weight that it goes down instead of up or out or both?

i don't need to anchor my crown braid with anything. Literally. I french braid each side of my hair going towards the front, it keeps sticking straight out in front of me like two horns until I tie the braids together, pull them backwards and tuck the ends in. and they just stay where I put them. My hair always stays exactly where I left it. As I said, even if that would be straight up in the air. Gravity means nothing when your hair is curly enough.


:bow:

Thanks Chen!

The problem is that while it may *look* like it's just hanging there, it's actually forming a personal defense field around you. A lot of 1F hair will just float around the owner because each strand is so light. And it tends to form massive tangles while it does so. And for me at least, it tends to touch my face and be pretty tickly. Not fun :-/.

I figured out stuff that worked mostly out of desperation and a lot of trial and error. Not fun when all the advice you get tells you to do things that just don't work. And I'm sure most of us have run into that one.

[torrilin]

Yeah, all hair types have challenges :). I'd like to *try* having my hair stay where I put it tho. It would be novel. Even if it was straight up... My hair physically can't do straight up, no matter how much hairspray I throw at it.

RapunzelKat, probably it says that you really like fishtails, or you learn spatial stuff better than me. I've got learning disabilities that make certain kinds of math and spatial things extra hard for me. Braiding is definitely affected. I don't think I'm the slowest learner on here about it either, but I'm slow. Add in that I'm legally blind without my glasses, and learning hair styling pre-YouTube was erm... exciting. One of the first thing stylists do is ask you to take off your glasses...

I'm really lucky I had a supportive mom. While she likes her hair short, she tried her best to help me find stylists who would listen to me (even as a 6 year old or 8 year old), and get me books or lesson time. No one ever told me I couldn't have long hair, or that something was impossible. I really wish all kids had that :).

[chen bao jun]

My son has a learning disability. I wish he would say the nice things about me that you say about your mother. I did try to help as much as I could given the information I had at the time. It made me a better teach--I was very sensitive to my learning disability students after all the mistakes I made with my son (who also happens to be a genius. Literally. The two things go together more often than people think).

on another note, I kind of enjoy the wonky things my hair does. It's always surprising me in an interesting way. at least that's how I feel. I wouldn't really want different hair, sideways and all.

It's just interesting reading hair information because it basically never applies to my hair at all. LHC is really where I have had the most luck.

[kitana97]

Haha that was hilarious! Sounds like she's had many failed attempts. I remember the first time I tried to french braid my hair and ahhhh it was horrible, but after practicing day after day I finally got it.