Ignorant Comments Made to Me Yesterday

[swearnsue]

I went to lunch with my SIL, who is 65 and I'm 60. We were talking about hair and I told her I was going to stop using henna and let my silvers come in.

She was dumbfounded, like she couldn't believe anyone would do such a stupid thing. She asked me why, I told her my silvers were pretty and I like them and tired of using henna every month, especially now that my hair is getting longer it's harder to rinse out.

She told me I HAD to color my hair and if I didn't, I HAD TO CUT IT SHORT or I would look like AN OLD HAG!

I laughed and changed the subject. But good grief, I forgot how stubborn non LHC people can be about age and hair.

She is a nice person and she doesn't mean to be rude, I guess I didn't really explain myself very well that I'm 60 and proud to be this age and have pretty silver hair. I'm retired, so I don't have to look a particular way to fit into the professional world. She is still working, so it's cool that she gets her hair professionally cut and colored and whatever else she gets done to it.

Anyway, I think I'll keep my plans to myself about my silver hair in the future, geez.

[Mitzy]

People are weird.

I am 56 and told my twin daughters that I was going to quit coloring my hair. They were flabbergasted.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I know that my sisters would be horrified if I decided to stop dyeing my hair. It certainly knocks one's confidence though to be told that one would look like an old hag... I guess the fear of what people would say is partly what is stopping me embracing my greys, though I know it has to happen. At least my SO says he loves my hair (and me) no matter what the length or colour.
People absolutely need to keep opinions like that to themselves! Actually I do think that saying something like that reflects what they would think about themselves if they stopped colouring THEIR hair, so maybe there are some self esteem problems there?

[Sterlyn]

I am sorry that your SIL chose to be such an ass. In my opinion the transition to natural hair from colored is a bigger hot button for people than the long hair on a woman past 40.
When I stopped coloring it didn't take very long before I became rather abrupt about the subject, with the exception of my patients and flat out told more than a few that my hair was off the table as a topic of conversation. I found that when I stopped being nice, apologetic and (depending on the situation) polite, I took less crap from folks.

Good luck with your transition :)

[lapushka]

She told me I HAD to color my hair and if I didn't, I HAD TO CUT IT SHORT or I would look like AN OLD HAG!

Well I hope she doesn't *mean* to be rude, because that *is* rude. It made me blush, that's how rude. I felt bad for you receiving such a harsh comment.

[Sterlyn]

I know that my sisters would be horrified if I decided to stop dyeing my hair. It certainly knocks one's confidence though to be told that one would look like an old hag... I guess the fear of what people would say is partly what is stopping me embracing my greys, though I know it has to happen. At least my SO says he loves my hair (and me) no matter what the length or colour.
People absolutely need to keep opinions like that to themselves! Actually I do think that saying something like that reflects what they would think about themselves if they stopped colouring THEIR hair, so maybe there are some self esteem problems there?

I totally agree with this. I think people are projecting their own fears with comments like that.

[butter52]

Ugh why so many people HAVE to give unasked opinions about hair? Its so rude and unfriendly

[cathair]

I wonder what your SIL would make of my white hair then! I must be an old hag at half your age!

I was just making a comparison in another thread just before I read this, about one feeling pressure to cut their hair into a pixie at a certain age, to feeling pressure to dye your hair. If you don't accept one, why should you accept the other? It's interesting to note she only thought you needed to cut your hair if it was white or grey. Nothing else would have changed about it's condition, just it's colour.

[meteor]

Don't let it get to you! It's nothing but one person's opinion, expressed very impolitely.
Personally, I love grey/while hair and I think it makes everyone look more dignified and regal, and I'm sure there are lots of people who think along these lines, as well.
I find that whenever someone makes an uncalled-for comment about what I "should do" about my look, it's enough for me to say that "I just like it this way", and they have nothing to trump that with. Because whatever others say you "should do" is just idle chatter, while it is, after all, 100% your body and your choices.

[spidermom]

About 65% (give/take a few percentage points) are more comfortable when other people are like them. They can't help it. They're not trying to be rude; they're trying to save you by "helping" you fit in.

A witch cackle is useful for situations like this.

[PiXiEmandy]

People need to mind the hair on there heads not ours

[jeanniet]

I think I would've said something like, "Well, I want to be me, so if I look like an old hag everyone else will have to suck it up and deal with it." Good grief, what is wrong with our society that anything implying age is horrible? We all age. Fixing yourself up so you look 30 when you're 60 doesn't make you 30 again. I think it's a lot healthier to accept who you are at whatever age, and maintain a look that's vibrant for that age.

[spidermom]

I think I would've said something like, "Well, I want to be me, so if I look like an old hag everyone else will have to suck it up and deal with it." Good grief, what is wrong with our society that anything implying age is horrible? We all age. Fixing yourself up so you look 30 when you're 60 doesn't make you 30 again. I think it's a lot healthier to accept who you are at whatever age, and maintain a look that's vibrant for that age.

A-freaking-men to that!

[lapushka]

I have nothing against going gray. My mom however, who turns 69 this year, dyes her hair light blonde and *loves* it. That doesn't mean she wants to be 30. She just feels more at ease with herself and neat when her grays are covered. She's dyed her hair all her life. Does it only every 3 to 4 months or so because she hates the chemicals (and no she won't use anything else). It takes minimal effort on her part (she dyes it herself, has always home-dyed) and the gray is hardly noticeable when the roots grow in, it's that light of a blonde. If that makes her more at ease, then so be it. But she's never condemned other people for having gray hair. She even protested heavily when I wanted to have my hair dyed because I have a sprinkling of gray throughout. It's only 2% gray and she sees no need to have my hair dyed for that (flimsy of a) reason! I was really surprised and that's when reality really hit me. I have just a few gray hairs, that's nothing to panic over! Dang it!

[chen bao jun]

I would suggest, maybe don't tell people your plans.
I remember how shocked people were two years ago when I said I was going to grow my hair long now and wear it up (I was fifty-five then).
No one came straight out and said, You'll look like an old hag, but they did tell me it was going to age me, it was not going to be attractive, they would never do that, blah, blah, blah.
People also were quite surprised that I thought I COULD grow my hair long at such an advanced age.
Now that it's what they consider to be long and I do wear it up all the time, I get told how elegant it looks like this all the time. Adn other friends my age are growing their hair longer now too. People just can't envision what they haven't seen.

[YamaMaya]

About 65% (give/take a few percentage points) are more comfortable when other people are like them. They can't help it. They're not trying to be rude; they're trying to save you by "helping" you fit in.

A witch cackle is useful for situations like this.
Unfortunately, good intentions doesn't make it any less irritating, especially if someone says you're an old hag. I told my youngest SIL about my plan to grow my hair to classic and she was horrified and told me I couldn't. She is 15 though so she's young enough to not know better, it's much worse coming from adults who should. Watching people abuse their hair puts my teeth on edge with what I know now, but I wouldn't tell someone "FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP RIPPING YOUR HAIR" in public or in the workplace. If someone's hair style wasn't to my particular taste, I wouldn't just up and tell them to change it, because "I'm not here to decorate your world" goes both ways.

[Ingrid]

Hair colour isn't "the" factor that makes someone look like an old hag. Someone can be a complete hag with their un-greyed hair, because of the nasty way they treat other people.

[chen bao jun]

I don't tend to think of people as 'hags'--I think of that as something out of a Grimm's Fairy Tale. The witch that wants to eat Hansel and Gretel is a hag. I don't think they exist in real life and its just a serious insult in my book. I think people need to be nicer about older people in general (we will all get there if we live long enough) but the harsh way people talk about aging so far as women are concerned seems really indecent to me. She's somebody's mother, grandmother, aunt--certainly she's a human being and there is a beauty that has nothing to do with being a 'sexy little young thing.'

[earthybee]

The ombré affect your hair will have is enough to make most jealous while it grows out. I commend you :applause I'm so sorry you had to deal with that :(

[Allie_snowflake]

I'm going to be growing out my grays shortly. Have a family wedding in August so I can't be too rooty at that time but I'm going to try a henna gloss in a few weeks to see if I can ease the demarcation line a bit. If it looks too awkward, I'll do a full root application and then start growing out again. I've got about .75" of roots and I've got almost 80% white on the sides above my ears and about 60% white/40% ash gray on my crown. I have maybe 20% gray underneath so I'm wondering how it will look as I grow it out. I love how shiny the white and silvers are now that I've found LHC... And to think how much I hated that ash, mousy brown before! It's really silver not ugly at all!

I will definitely have opinions thrown my way. When I was in my early thirties (and bleaching my graying hair blond) my mom made a point of telling me to find a hairstyle quick (my hair was always APL to mid back in my adult years) because she absolutely loathed old long haired women with dull, straggly gray hair. I'll admit, most of the long haired grays I see around town are not in very good health, but I can't wait to have soft, shiny & HEALTHY long gray/white hair.

[Allie_snowflake]

I also have started wearing my hair up at work because I get "comments" from my female coworkers. One actually saw my "compact bun" and was excited that I finally cut off some hair.... Nope, not so... She went back to work with a slight frown. I'll keep wearing it up then let it down once I'm at classic just to see their reactions. Out of sight, out of mind I hope.

[dulce]

The anti long,gray hair bias is still alive.I was told directly by a member on one of the face book gray hair forums a few years ago that all older women with long gray hair looked like witches, and she knew I had long gray hair as I had just made a post about my long gray hair.I eventually left that forum as I found this thinking offensive.I hope over time less women will feel like this.Meanwhile I'll stay long and gray and practise my witch cackle!

[ARG]

I would have jokingly said "Well maybe that's what I'll go for halloween!"

People closest to us have stronger opinions and are less likely to phrase it nicely. I'm sure she didn't mean any harm by it, but it wasn't really necessary for her to express her opinion.

Who knows, maybe you growing out the henna will inspire her and help her see how beautiful silver can be.

[jacqueline101]

I'm not in the gray arena yet but the way she worded her comment to you was like a demand. I think it's rude of her to demand you on your hair.

[browneyedsusan]

I'm sorry SIL was so callous. It's your hair. Wear it however you want--as long as it's legal!

[jeanniet]

I have nothing against going gray. My mom however, who turns 69 this year, dyes her hair light blonde and *loves* it. That doesn't mean she wants to be 30. She just feels more at ease with herself and neat when her grays are covered. She's dyed her hair all her life. Does it only every 3 to 4 months or so because she hates the chemicals (and no she won't use anything else). It takes minimal effort on her part (she dyes it herself, has always home-dyed) and the gray is hardly noticeable when the roots grow in, it's that light of a blonde. If that makes her more at ease, then so be it. But she's never condemned other people for having gray hair. She even protested heavily when I wanted to have my hair dyed because I have a sprinkling of gray throughout. It's only 2% gray and she sees no need to have my hair dyed for that (flimsy of a) reason! I was really surprised and that's when reality really hit me. I have just a few gray hairs, that's nothing to panic over! Dang it!

I don't particularly have an issue with covering gray, although I think at a certain point it often doesn't look very genuine. It's the whole package that bothers me, especially as displayed by women who are public figures. It really freaks my kids out when they ask me how old someone is (Joan Rivers, for example) and they find out she (or he, for that matter) is decades older than they thought. If you want to color your hair because you like the way you look, more power to you. If you're doing it solely because you don't want to look like a hag (what a word!), then maybe there's a problem.

[lunalocks]

My mother is the only one who has told me I MUST dye my hair when I began having noticeable temple sparklies. She is worried it will make HER look old and SHE is 97!

[YvetteVarie]

I may be still some years from going gray but I think graying is a sign of ageing gracefully. So I think you should do it. As long as you are happy with how your hair looks, and as your SO doesn't mind, why care about anyone else?

[Stormynights]

When I quit using color a woman told me that she never expected to see me let myself go like that. I still think it is funny.

[Bitstuff]

You do you :) Try not to take negative comments to heart. Unsolicited advice, loudly voiced opinions -- the more you deviate from what someone expects, the more you will get them. It hurts the most when it comes from those closest to us, doesn't it?

When I was doing SO, my mum thought it was gross and strange. It was so weird because she is usually so non-judgmental. Never mind that the hair was clean and did not smell. It was the idea of not washing it in months that was alien and wrong.

Really, the society is to blame for having certain expectations of women that are NEVER applied to men. How many men colour their grays?

[Beezle]

Your mother's comment is very funny!

My mother is the only one who has told me I MUST dye my hair when I began having noticeable temple sparklies. She is worried it will make HER look old and SHE is 97!

[lunalocks]

I am totally serious, and so is she. And she doesn't have dementia either.

[ErinLeigh]

Its odd how going grey as an older woman makes one a hag yet grey hair among the younger crowd is considered extremely fashionable.
People are bleaching and toning their hair to full gray everywhere I look. It has actually given me ideas how to grow my own out in 10 years (God willing I live that long)

Sue I think you hair is going to look amazing while it grows out. I have seen some grey/red ombres that blow me away.

[Crystawni]

Yeah, men seem to be a bit untouchable when it comes to their greys coming in... They get labels like distinguished, where we get hags, etc.. It's a pain other people feel it's their job to insult others about their choices. To me, it's just another colour to add to the mix, be it white or silver. You earn every one of them, and get to have a unique look as they come in. If others can't respect that, that's their problem. I actually get told (not asked) that I must've paid good money to get my hair coloured the way it is... Um, yeah. :shrug: My hair is soft, shiny and healthy, and a colour a bottle can't replicate. :)

[Nesoi]

Oh I love silver and greys in red hair! I bet you will look stunning.

My husband has been going grey since his mid-twenties and I tell him he looks like George Clooney ;) It's extremely annoying that people don't show the same courtesy to women!

[embee]

heh heh heh - I *am* an old hag, and it's a fine place to be. ;)

Personally, I've learned to keep my hair thoughts and decisions to myself. Except here on LHC.

I always wear my hair in a bun, so people don't know how long it is, which is fine by me. Every now and then someone will ask how I make this updo and if I feel like it, I'll show. They're always startled at my length. :)

Maybe being a loner has a plus I'd not thought of: nobody makes critical comments to me about my hair, but I'm careful not to provoke comments either.

[Pseudoavatar]

Actually I do think that saying something like that reflects what they would think about themselves if they stopped colouring THEIR hair, so maybe there are some self esteem problems there?

I absolutely agree, that was a great thing to point out :)

I'm not getting gray hairs in a few decades (hopefully) yet, but I do find gray/white hair beautiful if it looks healthy. And that's part of the reason why I want to stop dyeing my hair now, I want to be able to really tell what my natural hair color is while I've still got it! (I started dyeing at age 10). And when I'll get grey hairs, I'll just let them show :) It looks far more elegant IMO, than dyeing your hair an unnatural, harsh shade.

[rags]

I'm sorry she said that to you! That was rude and uncalled for!

I didn't get the hag comment, but was told I'd look like a witch instead. And when I started letting it grow out again, I got told by relative strangers (cashier at the grocery store), that if I only dyed it I'd look 10 or 15 years younger. And I DO look my age with. The silvers (I looked younger before). But what's wrong with that?

Also,in this area, the taboo is doubly strong against undyed, LONG hair. The combo gets you the witch comments.

[Lyv]

I love long grey/white hair! I've always kinda felt the opposite about it, to me older women with their natural greys seem more youthful than with colored hair. Even my husband really likes it, the only times he has ever mentioned a women having pretty hair were the few times we saw women with long greying hair and he has told me over and over that he thinks I should let mine change and avoid coloring it lol.

I'm sure yours is going to look great, especially with growing out henna!

[luluj]

The nay sayers will always be there, unfortunately. Your SIL's comment is a reflection of her own insecurities when it comes to aging gracefully. I try my best to not let negative comments bother me, as hard as that can be. Almost all of the negative responses that I receive are the "you know, you would look twenty years younger if you dyed your hair," comments, just like rags mentioned in her post.

I am so sorry that you had to hear such a negative comment, from a family member nonetheless.

[Emanuelle]

Omg. I'm 22 and I LOVE my blonde hair, but I'm also kind of looking forward to going grey..! I think grey hair is beautiful. It's gorgeous.

[butter52]

I actually think avoiding the coments and hiding the hair in buns is not the solution. that is like letting those people win.

I was getting nasty comments for months (from my closest ones!) because I went very short with 23... seems you cant do it right.
So I wore it prowdly, and responded to every stupid comment with a "I dont see how my hair is any of your business whatsoever" Every. Single. Time. Eventually they stoped.
(actually that feeling of rebelion is one of the things im gonna miss when I go back long.. that and not having tangles)

So wear your beautiful witch hair long and proud! They can deal with it.

[Isilme]

Your hair looks awesome now and I'm sure it will looks just as awesome as silver! When I hear hag I think of someone like Granny Weatherwax from Terry Prattchett's Discworld series, nothing wrong with her!

[Crumpet]

Ack! I'm sorry you had this conversation. Whenever I see a woman with natural silver or white hair that is long, I try to make sure to compliment them on it. I usually guess they don't hear it often. The last time I said something though, the woman's husband laughed and said to his wife that everyone loves her hair. Maybe the tide is turning?

[truepeacenik]

I went to lunch with my SIL, who is 65 and I'm 60. We were talking about hair and I told her I was going to stop using henna and let my silvers come in.

She was dumbfounded, like she couldn't believe anyone would do such a stupid thing. She asked me why, I told her my silvers were pretty and I like them and tired of using henna every month, especially now that my hair is getting longer it's harder to rinse out.

She told me I HAD to color my hair and if I didn't, I HAD TO CUT IT SHORT or I would look like AN OLD HAG!

I laughed and changed the subject. But good grief, I forgot how stubborn non LHC people can be about age and hair.

She is a nice person and she doesn't mean to be rude, I guess I didn't really explain myself very well that I'm 60 and proud to be this age and have pretty silver hair. I'm retired, so I don't have to look a particular way to fit into the professional world. She is still working, so it's cool that she gets her hair professionally cut and colored and whatever else she gets done to it.

Anyway, I think I'll keep my plans to myself about my silver hair in the future, geez.

I have no idea how you resisted the urge to say, "old hag? I won't be near there for five years yet."

Come on. I love Bonnie Raitt, but I know she's carrying some years and experiences. That red and sandy stripe is striking, but obviously "done."

I'm struggling with "do I henna?" Mixing the shade to match mine isn't really easy, clean up in my shower is a bear. Eventually it looks like, well, henna.
I've made do with the odd gloss(therefore I know how messy I am with it) for ends going too transparent. There is a definite shift of color at the ends.

I fear the sandy years. Pictures of awe-inspiring going silver women, usually with dark brown or black hair, abound. But not fading reds.
I don't have any good visuals, only some memories of being small and some woman with orange bottle red exclaiming her hair once looked just like mine.

[Radiant]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, and yes, people are ignorant. Probably 10 years ago when my hair was somewhere between hip and classic length my cousin (who's a hairdresser) was visiting from London. He said to me that only immigrant women from "backward" countries have hair that long. That comment always stuck with me. My mom also tends to make comments whenever my hair gets past mid back length, telling me to cut it and that no one should allow their hair to be so long. People are ignorant and they just go with what they think they're suppose to do. 100 years ago it was scandalous to have short hair as a woman, and I imagine coloring would have been thought of the same way. Just be you, and don't worry what others think. I know it's hard though.

[chen bao jun]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, and yes, people are ignorant. Probably 10 years ago when my hair was somewhere between hip and classic length my cousin (who's a hairdresser) was visiting from London. He said to me that only immigrant women from "backward" countries have hair that long. That comment always stuck with me.

A lot of people think this, not just hairdressers with the obvious conflict of interest. Few second generation immigrant women will wear long 'old country' hair. Sad.

[Kimberly]

Really, the society is to blame for having certain expectations of women that are NEVER applied to men. How many men colour their grays?

"The percentage of American men coloring their hair increased from 2% to 7% between 1999 and 2010, according to New Jersey-based Multi-sponsor Surveys, a market research firm, and 11% of men ages 50 to 64 now color their hair." From http://articles.latimes.com/2012/jan/29/image/la-ig-mens-hair-color-20120129

A dear friend of mine who dyes her hair and who won't leave the house without makeup has been trying to convince me to dye my hair for twelve or fifteen years now. On my birthday this year, she said I should dye my hair to attract men, and that it would be just like Cher in Moonstruck. Nevermind a decade or more of age difference between myself and that character, plus Cher's wigs and plastic surgery, why would I want a man who is so concerned with appearances that a box of dye makes all the difference to him? And would I have to also dye my unshaven legs and pits to match? Haha

Anyway, I am certainly not a hag, I am a Crone, and proud I survived to be one.

[AmyBeth]

I'm full of admiration for those among us who let their sparklies shine! It is something I think about a lot, and I know that it would feel great, as growing my hair and leaving it natural (except for hendigo) has felt. I"m still actually wrestling with what seems to compel me to cover those grey roots even though I think I have really nice sparkling greys. Put simply, it almost feels like "giving up" and surrendering to the aging process- as though I have a choice? But I certainly don't look at those who ease into their greys as giving up. It looks empowering and freeing, and I want that too. I'm a few years behind you, Sue, and I like to think I'll get there someday, hopefully sooner rather than later. In my own mind, I want to think I really don't care what other people think or feel about my hair (OK, except for DH), but I have a sneaking suspicion that I would be devastated by such a comment as your SIL made to you. That's so lame, and I'm proud of you for being made of stronger stuff!:blossom:

[HintOfMint]

A lot of people think this, not just hairdressers with the obvious conflict of interest. Few second generation immigrant women will wear long 'old country' hair. Sad.

A Pakistani friend of mine (born there, but moved to the US at a very young age) teased me for using coconut oil on my hair is it was irredeemably old fashioned. :rolleyes:

Also not many brown friends of mine wear their hair long (beyond BSL), unstraightened, or even braided.

As for graying, or the general broader problem of unsolicited opinions about your appearance, it always helps to consider the source. If she can't conceive of graying because she's still working and has external pressures to keep dyeing, then that's her issue, it doesn't have to be yours.

[meteor]

A Pakistani friend of mine (born there, but moved to the US at a very young age) teased me for using coconut oil on my hair is it was irredeemably old fashioned. :rolleyes:

Also not many brown friends of mine wear their hair long (beyond BSL), unstraightened, or even braided.

LOL, wow, that guy/girl doesn't know that, these days, it's irredeemably old-fashioned to be that embarrassed about one's heritage. It's not the 1930s! :lol:

[Agnes Hannah]

My mum said my buns make me look old she hates them and she wants to rip them out. My hair my rules! People can be really thoughtless at times. I am very grey intermingled with darker hairs, I do use a semi permanent, but one that is much lighter to try and blend it all in. She hasn't mentioned that yet....

[meteor]

My mum said my buns make me look old she hates them and she wants to rip them out.
Wow! Don't all those people have their own hair to take care of? Or are they all bald or something so they want to mess with other people's hair? And there are so many LHC-ers who get harassed like that! Next time someone tells me I should go blonder or shorter or whatever else comes to their minds, I'll tell them to become hairdressers since they are that obsessed with changing other people's hair... Funny thing is, that attitude doesn't work well for hairdressers, either! :)

[littlerobot]

My mum said my buns make me look old she hates them and she wants to rip them out. My hair my rules! People can be really thoughtless at times. I am very grey intermingled with darker hairs, I do use a semi permanent, but one that is much lighter to try and blend it all in. She hasn't mentioned that yet....

Moms can be super mean, yo! :shrug:

[pinchbeck]

Your sil's opinion is just that - it is her opinion and this is how she truly feels. I don't think there is anything wrong with having different perceptions of what beauty is and voicing them. If we were all the same we'd be clones. She probably felt comfortable enough and close enough to you to tell you how she feels. For some hiding the physical signs of ageing is important and for others it is not.

My mom is 65 and colours her hair. She stated she's not ready for the grey. I am 45 and have alot of silver hair at my hairline and sides that I choose not to cover up. Due to my decision not to alter my hair colour the silvers age me. It is hard to get used to when for years I looked back at a youthful reflection in the mirror. Now that has all changed and will continue to change. It's finding a way to accept it that will matter in the end and trying not to fight the ageing war which really is a battle that can't be won for most people.

[lapushka]

My mum said my buns make me look old she hates them and she wants to rip them out. My hair my rules! People can be really thoughtless at times. I am very grey intermingled with darker hairs, I do use a semi permanent, but one that is much lighter to try and blend it all in. She hasn't mentioned that yet....

That is pretty harsh as well. What happened to trying to be civil? Gosh, I'm sorry. You just keep on doing what's good for you. If that means doing buns, then so be it! Not everyone has to like the way you do your hair.

[swearnsue]

Thank you for all the supportive replies!

I think my silvers are pretty, very shiny and bright. I've bought a Flexi-8 that is silver tone with garnet (red) beads to wear because it looks good with my red and silver hair.

I forget that people are opinionated and not everyone is as open minded as I am, so when I open my mouth I hear things I don't like. So, my fault.

When I got home I Googled "hag" and got many definitions that all start with the word "ugly", then the rest of the description would be a combination of old, woman, witch, cruel, and child-eating!

I'm going to practice my witch cackling since I'll be embracing my silvers AND my inner hag! he he he cackle cackle snicker snort

[chen bao jun]

"Hag" is just simply not a nice word. I am not into knee-jerk feminism (in fact, I am not a feminist) but I can't help noticing that there is no remotely equivalent word for men. And no, I don't want to 'take it back' or 'embrace' it. Some words need to stay gone and that is definitely one of them. It needs to stay in fairy tales, not be applied to real women who have done nothing except to get old, and what's wrong with that?

I am definitely keeping my grey which is not making all that much of a statement as of yet as a) I don't have much and b) I don't work at the moment, where it really makes a difference apparently and c) my husband doesn't mind it, which is the other place it really makes a difference. So I definitely don't judge others' choices in this regard. I jsut admire the pretty grey I see on brave women. What I have been having something of a 'problem' with recently is that the husband doesn't mind grey hair, but hates buns. He shared with me recently, not in a mean way at all, that he thinks I definitely look 20 years older and not as attractive in a bun. So we have a compromise for the moment, which says he can take my bun down at home, whenever he wants to, and also, if he asks me to, I will. Because he IS my husband and I like to make him happy. Also, he does things for me. For instance, he wears a beard, which he dislikes, because I like beards.
I don't care if I look 20 years older, other than its apparently making him unhappy and I like buns, especially now that my hair has got long enough to be seriously in the way (to me) when it is loose (though it is not long by LHC standards). Sigh.
Just putting that out there, not thread-jacking.

[Andeee]

It's funny, on the one hand you have those who feel long hair is old fashioned and backward and then you have those who pay lots of money for extensions. Also there are those who think buns are for old ladies and then you have tons of young girls wearing buns these days. I think buns are romantic no matter what the age of the person wearing them. They make me think of ballerinas, Spanish dancers and lovely Victorian ladies.

[chen bao jun]

It's funny, on the one hand you have those who feel long hair is old fashioned and backward and then you have those who pay lots of money for extensions. Also there are those who think buns are for old ladies and then you have tons of young girls wearing buns these days. I think buns are romantic no matter what the age of the person wearing them. They make me think of ballerinas, Spanish dancers and lovely Victorian ladies.
I love this!
I think of updoes as being elegant--Audrey Hepburn in her later years, Maria Callas, Princess Grace in later years as well. I guess I do think of them as being for 'a certain age' (like really big diamonds) but in a nice way. You know, grande damewhere you wear your silver hair swept up and show off your statement jewelry whether its from Cartier or Miriam Haskell, at the ballet or opera.. I don't get this, where you go straight from teenager to 'hag'.

[meteor]

I love this!
I think of updoes as being elegant--Audrey Hepburn in her later years, Maria Callas, Princess Grace in later years as well. I guess I do think of them as being for 'a certain age' (like really big diamonds) but in a nice way. You know, grande damewhere you wear your silver hair swept up and show off your statement jewelry whether its from Cartier or Miriam Haskell, at the ballet or opera.. I don't get this, where you go straight from teenager to 'hag'.
You are so right! And those are real fashion icons! They are timeless, and, funnily enough, their styles are back in fashion. When I googled "Grace Kelly updos" or "Audrey Hepburn updos", for example, I'm seeing mostly pictures of current celebrities sporting their hairstyles.

And who can forget ubiquitous styles like this: I see them on young women everywhere!
http://fora.mtv.ca/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/influentialhair1.jpg
http://www.thejoye.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/grace_kelly_updo.jpg
http://media.npr.org/programs/wesun/features/2007/sept/callas300-170c7373684ea633c0e3a7c5a5dd97d7a4816016-s6-c30.jpg
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/cf/39/31/cf3931d62bdd86071a7b824c24f2df6c.jpg

[lunalocks]

I think I just received one of the best compliments ever from my daughter who recently had lunch for the first time with her boyfriends mother. She told me that she was so proud of me for choosing to age gracefully rather than dye, streak, cut short my hair. I would guess that the BFs mother must be doing all of those things.

[meteor]

Aw that's great, lunalocks! :) You have a very smart daughter! :)

[two_wheels]

Yeah, so if rags and luluj are getting nasty comments about their lovely hair... I think it shows other people's opinions are really rather irrelevant.

[lunalocks]

Absolutely. We don't need to be putting each other down for individual choices. Diversity is wonderful.

[roseomalley]

I am 68, my sister is 71. We live 500 miles apart. She regularly phones or texts me just to tell me I need to cut my hair right now. She says between the grey and wearing it up I look like an old lady. She has got my aunts (who are around 90 and dye their hair orange/pink) telling me the same. I have had it. At first, I was sad and lacked confidence, now I just say I like my hair long and up. Whatever happened to, "if you do not have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

[lunalocks]

Your braid is lovely, roseomalley.

The way I shut my mother up is to smile and say "but I'm not going to cut/dye my hair so you can stop talking about it." She has finally stopped talking about cutting, but I still get the "you have to cover up those grays". She brings it up every few months.

[Crystawni]

Thank you for all the supportive replies!

I think my silvers are pretty, very shiny and bright. I've bought a Flexi-8 that is silver tone with garnet (red) beads to wear because it looks good with my red and silver hair.

I forget that people are opinionated and not everyone is as open minded as I am, so when I open my mouth I hear things I don't like. So, my fault.

When I got home I Googled "hag" and got many definitions that all start with the word "ugly", then the rest of the description would be a combination of old, woman, witch, cruel, and child-eating!

I'm going to practice my witch cackling since I'll be embracing my silvers AND my inner hag! he he he cackle cackle snicker snort

Mwahahahahaha*coughsplutter*ha! Hmmm. Mine needs practice, methinks! ;) I'm finding it fun watching my hair change, and creating different effects in updos just by how the streaks do or don't clump together. It kinda has its own grain, like a shimmering piece of exotic wood. Actually, wanting to see the changes is what keeps me from cutting my hair (I used to cut for a change). My weirdo bun the other day, with flash and without:

http://i1340.photobucket.com/albums/o722/Weighting/streakbun_zpse344c203.jpg

And I actually don't see the changes (or full-on grey/white) as aging, in me or others. I have an artistic bent, though, so there's a bit of a bohemian side to me. Seeing coloured hair with a month of speckled regrowth, or hair that doesn't suit the skin tone, looks aging, IMO. I wear my hair with the same youthful zest as I always have, and much prefer natural over manufactured. Bah to the stinging critics who seem to think their opinions are actually directions for us to follow. They have to live with their own choices, so I kinda feel for them. :p

[swearnsue]

I don't think old as a bad thing. Now if I was job hunting or looking for a date then I guess I might have to play the game. But I'm retired and I don't have to do or dress to impress anyone but myself.

So many women that try to look a lot younger than their true age don't really do it right somehow. Having fake looking hair and thick makeup with black harsh eyeliner looks, to me, a little gross in a scary way. I wear a little makeup for special occasions, like the day I had lunch with my SIL I was wearing some makeup, earrings, two Flexi-8s holding my hair up in a bun, a colorful top with a scarf and sandals.

I don't think I looked like with the addition of gray hair it would turn me into a HAG. Good grief. She didn't mean to hurt my feelings, she's a few years older than me and has taken the role of big sister and was trying to "help". So, we're cool, I'm just going to remember to not discuss my hair goals with her! Or anyone else that are not on LHC!

There is actually a product for men called Touch of Gray that is supposed to color just some of a guy's hair but leave some gray on purpose because it makes them look distinctive, distinguished, sexy, mature, successful, etc. But let a woman talk about doing the same thing and she's ugly and old.

Now I'm more eager than ever to have my silvers grow in. Grow silvers, Grow!

[LauraLongLocks]

Whenever I see a long-haired silver or white-headed lady, I always stop her and tell her how much I admire her hair, and her willingness to go against the social pressure and wear her hair in a style other than the Q-tip style. One lady I saw recently had white hair in a french twist type style with a bun sitting fairly high on top. I just had to stop her and ask her to show me how she did it in her hair so I could do it in mine. He hair was TBL!!! It was STUNNING!!! I made her day asking her about her hair, too. She walked away feeling so pretty.

Long white or silver hair is beautiful. If my hair is anything like my mom's it won't go grey until I'm in my 60s. Mom is 67 now and has about 5% grey in her hair. I'm 37 and found two greys on my head a few years ago. That's it.

[dulce]

Crystawni,I love your shiny streaks in a bun! Just gorgeous..

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Me too, absolutely!

[Crystawni]

Ta, dulce and Sarahlabyrinth! :blossom: Hehe, as you guys were in here, I was reading and commenting on dulce's gorgeous hair in Sarah's thread that was inspired by this one (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=123750). :)

[roseomalley]

[QUOTE=lunalocks;2743620]Your braid is lovely, roseomalley.


Thank you. Lunalocks. xo xo

[SnowbirdRose]

Crystawni I am two years older than you and I am jealous of you. Not only of the length of your hair but the color as well! I have very few grays and they are hardly noticeable. Love the bun picture :o

[HintOfMint]

Mwahahahahaha*coughsplutter*ha! Hmmm. Mine needs practice, methinks! ;) I'm finding it fun watching my hair change, and creating different effects in updos just by how the streaks do or don't clump together. It kinda has its own grain, like a shimmering piece of exotic wood. Actually, wanting to see the changes is what keeps me from cutting my hair (I used to cut for a change). My weirdo bun the other day, with flash and without:

http://i1340.photobucket.com/albums/o722/Weighting/streakbun_zpse344c203.jpg

And I actually don't see the changes (or full-on grey/white) as aging, in me or others. I have an artistic bent, though, so there's a bit of a bohemian side to me. Seeing coloured hair with a month of speckled regrowth, or hair that doesn't suit the skin tone, looks aging, IMO. I wear my hair with the same youthful zest as I always have, and much prefer natural over manufactured. Bah to the stinging critics who seem to think their opinions are actually directions for us to follow. They have to live with their own choices, so I kinda feel for them. :p

I literally gasped out loud at how beautiful your hair is. Exotic wood, indeed! Brava!

[chen bao jun]

Crystawni, I am adding you to my list of hair idols (dulce and rags are already on it)

[Andeee]

I love this!
I think of updoes as being elegant--Audrey Hepburn in her later years, Maria Callas, Princess Grace in later years as well. I guess I do think of them as being for 'a certain age' (like really big diamonds) but in a nice way. You know, grande damewhere you wear your silver hair swept up and show off your statement jewelry whether its from Cartier or Miriam Haskell, at the ballet or opera.. I don't get this, where you go straight from teenager to 'hag'.
I love Audrey Hepburn and I was also thinking of Princess Grace, too! It just takes a bit of imagination. And long hair on women can be witchy if that's what you are going for, but it can also be Elven, magical, artsy, bohemian, etc. Those are all things that describe my spirit, so it's nice to have my hair reflect that on the outside. It just takes a bit of imagination. I've got heaps of it! Unfortunately (for them) most people don't have any.

[Crystawni]

Ta muchly, SnowbirdRose, HintOfMint and chen bao jun! :blushing: :cloud9: You guys have made my day! I'm truly humbled! Isn't it funny, though, to get complimented on something you have no control over (well, you can change it, or leave it be, and I'm just leaving it be--length and colour-wise!).


Crystawni, I am adding you to my list of hair idols (dulce and rags are already on it)

Naw, ta! :flower: I'm in great company, then! Along with dulce and rags, I also aspire to luluj, Sterlyn, Teazel, wendyg, and all the other "LeaveitBe'vers" posting on the forum. :D

Andee, you're so right. Your hair is an extension of your inner self, and when it flows unbridled, so does your spirit!

[pinchbeck]

I don't understand how looking old when we are old is a bad thing? Afterall, we are what we are. I am middle aged and look middle aged, so if someone says I look middle aged I am not offended.

My mom is 65 (already mentioned earlier). She looks 'old'. But although she looks old she is still beautiful.

[Undomiel]

Just want to say that you ladies rocking the greys, silvers and whites look absolutely fabulous! I plan to keep my hair long as possible as I age and let the "sparklies" come in :). I tell that to people sometimes and they think I'm nuts. Well, they think I'm nuts with tailbone length hair as it is anyways though lol.

I have an aunt with BSL length hair who went natural and she looks great - not older than she looks at all or a "hag" (I hate that word too btw). Some members in our family scoffed at a photo of her I showed them, but these were women who chopped their hair off at a certain age and need to dye the grey out - mostly due to what society tells them I think or why would they be so rude about my aunt's choice? She looks beautiful! We have the same hair type too so I'm kind of hoping I'm looking into the future and get the same look when I'm older. Here's a pic of her hair:
http://i57.tinypic.com/j0y3r9.jpg

[Undomiel]

^ Edit: Sorry, she's actually more waist length here than BSL

[dulce]

Your aunt's hair is SO gorgeous!!The fact some relatives couldn't see this shows how brainwashed they are.Sad..Leave them be to enjoy their chemical dyes, the expense,and the time consuming,frequent salon visits,the constant roots showing and not the least is the possibility of the link to cancer from some of the dye ingredients.Some people you will never be able to convince,no matter what.

[meteor]

Manwathiel, your aunt's hair looks awesome! :D What a regal, lionesque mane!

Lots of gorgeous hair on this thread! :D

[Undomiel]

Your aunt's hair is SO gorgeous!!The fact some relatives couldn't see this shows how brainwashed they are.Sad..Leave them be to enjoy their chemical dyes, the expense,and the time consuming,frequent salon visits,the constant roots showing and not the least is the possibility of the link to cancer from some of the dye ingredients.Some people you will never be able to convince,no matter what.

Thank you so much! :) And you're totally right. You can't convince them all... just gotta forget 'em and do your own thing else it'd be like :horse: lol

[Undomiel]

Manwathiel, your aunt's hair looks awesome! :D What a regal, lionesque mane!

Lots of gorgeous hair on this thread! :D

Thank you, I'm sure she'd appreciate the compliment :)

[dulce]

Always do your own thing and ignore the outspoken silly anti long anti -silver naysayers.Your head,your hair,your choice..

[Sterlyn]

Just want to say that you ladies rocking the greys, silvers and whites look absolutely fabulous! I plan to keep my hair long as possible as I age and let the "sparklies" come in :). I tell that to people sometimes and they think I'm nuts. Well, they think I'm nuts with tailbone length hair as it is anyways though lol.

I have an aunt with BSL length hair who went natural and she looks great - not older than she looks at all or a "hag" (I hate that word too btw). Some members in our family scoffed at a photo of her I showed them, but these were women who chopped their hair off at a certain age and need to dye the grey out - mostly due to what society tells them I think or why would they be so rude about my aunt's choice? She looks beautiful! We have the same hair type too so I'm kind of hoping I'm looking into the future and get the same look when I'm older. Here's a pic of her hair:
http://i57.tinypic.com/j0y3r9.jpg

Wow, that is some amazing hair, her color is just stunning :thud: Manwathiel please pass on the compliment to your Aunt. I love to see someone bucking the trend and going natural along with length.

[Undomiel]

Wow, that is some amazing hair, her color is just stunning :thud: Manwathiel please pass on the compliment to your Aunt. I love to see someone bucking the trend and going natural along with length.

Thank you so much, will do! :)

[dulce]

Yes,you should show your aunt with the long hair all the positive comments here,she'll be glad to see the support and compliments.

[Undomiel]

Always do your own thing and ignore the outspoken silly anti long anti -silver naysayers.Your head,your hair,your choice..

Yes, indeed. :) And it's okay, I can't hear them half the time under all this fabulous hair.. ;) hehe

[Undomiel]

Yes,you should show your aunt with the long hair all the positive comments here,she'll be glad to see the support and compliments.

Oh, I'll let her know. She'll be really happy to hear that everyone likes her hair. It will make her day :)

[StellaKatherine]

http://i57.tinypic.com/j0y3r9.jpg

Your aunts hair is absolutly stunning! :blossom: My younger sister who is 18, just coloured her hair in an almost identical colour.... The weird thing is, that it is OK to go grey as young and with bleaching, but not OK to get them natural! The world is weird! :confused:

[dulce]

Ah-but dyeing gray while young nets money to the salons but natural grays in older people doesn't net any money ,so natural grays when you are older is disparaged by salons and the beauty industry and dye is encouraged to older women so we'' look younger''.Easy really .[I'm so fed up and cynical about salons these days!]It's all about profits in my opinion.I should mention,that you hairdressers on the LHC forum are not included in these comments as I know you are different.

[SnowbirdRose]

Just want to say that you ladies rocking the greys, silvers and whites look absolutely fabulous! I plan to keep my hair long as possible as I age and let the "sparklies" come in :). I tell that to people sometimes and they think I'm nuts. Well, they think I'm nuts with tailbone length hair as it is anyways though lol.

I have an aunt with BSL length hair who went natural and she looks great - not older than she looks at all or a "hag" (I hate that word too btw). Some members in our family scoffed at a photo of her I showed them, but these were women who chopped their hair off at a certain age and need to dye the grey out - mostly due to what society tells them I think or why would they be so rude about my aunt's choice? She looks beautiful! We have the same hair type too so I'm kind of hoping I'm looking into the future and get the same look when I'm older. Here's a pic of her hair:
http://i57.tinypic.com/j0y3r9.jpg

Manwathiel your aunt's hair is stunning!

[chen bao jun]

Manwathiel, your aunt truly has beautiful hair. It really does look like silver.
Dulce, that's exactly what I think, too and what I was bringing about the hairdresser who wanted to fix the grey I didn't actually have yet. it's all about the profit.
How could anyone possibly 'fix' your hair to look better? Impossible. what nature did is just perfect.

[MedusaWarrior]

Manwathiel Your Aunts hair is just beautiful! It looks so elegant.

[Undomiel]

Hi all :)
Just want to say thanks from my aunt for your compliments on her hair. I messaged her today and she told me that she is very flattered and really appreciates the support. :blossom: :grouphug:

[luluj]

Just want to say that you ladies rocking the greys, silvers and whites look absolutely fabulous! I plan to keep my hair long as possible as I age and let the "sparklies" come in :). I tell that to people sometimes and they think I'm nuts. Well, they think I'm nuts with tailbone length hair as it is anyways though lol.

I have an aunt with BSL length hair who went natural and she looks great - not older than she looks at all or a "hag" (I hate that word too btw). Some members in our family scoffed at a photo of her I showed them, but these were women who chopped their hair off at a certain age and need to dye the grey out - mostly due to what society tells them I think or why would they be so rude about my aunt's choice? She looks beautiful! We have the same hair type too so I'm kind of hoping I'm looking into the future and get the same look when I'm older. Here's a pic of her hair:
http://i57.tinypic.com/j0y3r9.jpg

Your aunt has beautiful hair, Manwatheil, how could anyone not see this? I love her colour, her length and her long layers, she has the exact style I am striving for. I am inspired!

[Feathered]

It is so irritating to me that so many pressures are put on women by society to look" young and sexy". It's really sad when women do this to other women. Looks are such a small part of what makes up a woman and is relatively unimportant compared to what life is about. Society needs to learn to accept women as they naturally are and stop beating women up based on how they look. Beauty has nothing to do with age or sex appeal. It's what's on the inside that really counts. Sadly, I doubt this will ever change in this sex and money driven society of ours. I ,for one, will be myself-with or without the ignorant, degrading comments. I will be the old lady with long, grey hair, comfy clothes and probably no makeup and I will be happy about it.

[HazelBug]

If I go silver one day I think I would be proud to wear it. I've had fun off and on with hair color. But I see it more as a play thing than a necessity. Right now I'm in the process of growing out my natural hair color. I matched it pretty well, but the dyed part is fading. It can be a long journey.