How do you take care of a child's very curly hair?

[animetor7]

Hi all,

This Summer I have a nannying job which is great! But my one concern is that I am responsible for a young girl with very curly hair, probably 4a or 4b. It's beautiful and I want to keep it as healthy as possible. And here's where I have a problem, I am a 1b so I haven't the first clue how to care for curly hair. I'll ask her mother what she normally does, but her mother also straightens her own hair to death, so I want to take anything she says with a grain of salt. So what are some ways I can take care of this little girl's hair that are gentle and kid friendly?

Thanks,

A clueless straightie

p.s. links to any relevant threads would also be helpful and appreciated!

[Quasiquixotic]

I'm a 1b and my daughter is a 2c/3a. I co wash her hair and detangle it with about a 1/3c of TRESemme naturals nourishing moisture conditioner. I have her mermaid rinse it out and then I put a small about of Shea moisture deep conditioner mask in as a leave in and comb it again when she's out. She has fine i thickness hair so ymmv but I've found that anything more than a small amount leaves her hair greasy and stingy. Basically if her hair is getting wet I use conditioner or some other moisture. If her hair is thicker like medium or course, oils might be helpful.

Other than that I try to braid or bun her hair as much as she'll let me. Dd is 4. It's a no no for curly hair, but as I can brush out her curls without a crazy anoint of frizz, I tangle tease really gently her hair any day she wears it down. It's the only way I've found to keep the tangling to a minimum and thus the tears. As she gets older and can care for her hair herself more we'll phase out the brushing and just do the above part.

She has waist length hair stretched, apl curly.

[lapushka]

Go to the site www.tightlycurly.com and look up the children's hair care section!

[eadwine]

Is this what you mean Lapushka? http://www.tightlycurly.com/technique/tipsforlittleones/

[Freija]

Hi! :waving:

First of all, I think it's utterly lovely that you care enough about this little one and her hair to want to ask for advice. She's a very lucky person to have you taking care of her over the summer - and you'll be able to look after her pretty, curly hair just fine. : )

I grew up with tight ringlets that no-one ever knew how to look after - the adults around me would rip brushes through them, and had no idea about moisturising them. I hated my hair for years, and didn't even know that it was curly; I just thought it was particularly messy and difficult. I finally taught myself how to care for curly hair a few years ago, and although my own curl pattern has got looser as I've got older and it's grown longer, I'm hugely glad that I did - I now have a goddaughter with amazing ringletty copper 3b spirals, and I've been able to help her (1a/1b) mum to look after it. I know type 3 is very different from type 4, but still - hopefully I can give some helpful advice? : )

- The biggest thing is not ever, ever to try to comb a child's curly hair; or brush it; or otherwise detangle it, when it's dry, and/or without a good amount of conditioner. There are sometimes ways for an adult to detangle their own hair dry - even if they are a curly - but it just doesn't work with a little one. It's extremely hard not to pull at all when you're combing somebody else's hair while it's dry, and small children are very sensitive to tugs and snags. Little ones can also be fidgety and impatient, which doesn't mix well with dry detangling (which necessarily needs to be a long, slow, meticulous process). I know the conventional wisdom is not to comb hair wet, but for the above reasons, it's actually a lot better to comb curly hair, and a child's hair, when it is either wet and full of conditioner, or dry but full of a really good, slippy, detangling leave-in. This is especially true for kinky or coily (4a/b/c) hair, because it's so, so fragile.

You can either do full CO washes whenever you want to detangle, or you can just wet the hair and use conditioner on the lengths without washing. You can do that every day if you need to; it will only help her hair to retain more moisture. Otherwise, as long as the hair isn't too knotty, a generous amount of leave-in conditioner on dry or damp hair will be just as good.

- Ultimately, if you ever run into really big problems with tangles, don't panic and don't keep trying to comb through! Detangling shouldn't be difficult, sore, or traumatic for either of you. Just wet the hair, saturate it with a really rich deep conditioner, and leave it for 20 minutes. The tangles should melt away as you rinse and fingercomb.

- Finger-combing really is the best way of detangling, followed by a wide-toothed wooden or seamless plastic comb when you want to put her hair up and need to smooth through it.

- ETA - the TightlyCurly article on combing little ones' tresses is great in its point about gripping/supporting the hair with one hand, so that when you move your fingers or your comb through it, the tension only goes as far as your hand; never all the way to the child's scalp. It makes detangling *so* much more gentle, and it's what I do with my goddaughter's hair.

- Depending on how old she is, and how long her hair is, LOC is probably going to be important. It's basically a way of sealing moisture into curly hair which would otherwise keep getting too dry. Whenever you wash or condition her hair, whenever it's sopping wet, you want to be smoothing through a blob of leave-in conditioner (about the size of a walnut to start with, but more if her hair seems to be very dry and thirsty), then a couple of drops of oil to seal in the moisture. Without the oil, the moisture will just evaporate off again, and her hair will be as dry as ever. After that, while her hair is still very very wet, you can smooth through some product - some curl 'custard' or curl cream, or curl 'milk', or gel - something to give hold and definition, and encourage clumping rather than frizz.

- Distraction is everything with a little one. If you can get her reading a book or watching the television while you're combing through her hair or putting it up, she'll probably be *much* happier to let you do what you're trying to do, and less fidgety, too. Especially if you can position her so that she's sitting down and generally comfortable. Whenever my mum put my hair up, she'd just have me standing in her room while she stood behind me or sat on the bed, and with nothing to distract me (and her being quite rough), I really hated it.

- Try to involve her in what you're doing. If she's helped choose the style, or even the ties or bobbles that you're using, then again, she'll probably be much happier to wait for you while you do her hair.


I also just wanted to say - you've probably already seen it, but I just thought I'd mention it - there's also another forum, called 'Naturally Curly', which might be worth a look? There are loads of people with hair in the type 4s, and lots of them have children. They'll have loads more good advice, and they'll be far more helpful than I can be at advising you on particular products, and putting her hair into actual styles, too (I only have experience of styling/putting up type 2 and 3 European hair, and no knowledge of US products). : )

[Sharysa]

Just for reference, is the girl white or black/African descent? Technically every ethnicity has potential for 4-type hair, but African hair is most frequently in its own category due to specific needs.

However, as a 1c/2a wavy, I do know the basics:

1) Keep her hair braided/bunned as often as possible, and try to teach her to braid/bun so she can manage it herself. Some curly people also prefer braids because it calms their hair down and stretches it without the need for heat or product. Braiding/bunning it while she sleeps will also cut down on tangles.

2) Moisture. Curly and wavy people need WAAAY more than most straight-haired people, especially since her mother straightens her hair. A really good basic technique is to shampoo the scalp only, then condition the length after rinsing.

3) Fingercombing, or at least a wide-toothed comb. Unlike most straight-haired people, less combing for curls/waves cuts down on frizz and tangles because less combing means less disturbing the curl pattern. Detangling hair while wet or damp is a lot easier for curls and waves than with straight hair. However you decide, NO BRUSHES OR FINE TOOTHED COMBS. Brushes almost always mean frizz and poof, or breakage.

[chen bao jun]

Seconding tightlycurly.com best site ever
Sharysa, actually curly hair is curly hair--African curly hair does not have special needs due to being curly. Everything you said applies to my hair--if I had always known how to do those things I would never have had any problems. However, many in the black community feel that we have some 'special needs' due to years of misinformation and lack of knowledge (and many in the black community have NO IDEA how to take care of curly hair and only know various ways to straighten, all damaging)--this lack of knowledge is what creates issues.
The only 'special need' that African curly hair types can have is if the hair is fine and fragile as well as tightly curly. Your point #3 is what solves that--don't comb. Combing certain types, not all types of Afro curly hair is actually just the same as cutting with a scissors--off it comes. some Afro curlies with very fragile fine hair prefer to leave their hair in cornrow type braids or twists for long periods of time--but this creates other issues (many don't care for their hair properly while its braided and then, even more breakage).
But we do have a type 4 hair section on LHC which would welcome your questions and give advice. Which I agree, its wonderful that you are seeking, OP.
By the way, Sharysa, you said nothing offensive and I hope you are not offended by my giving my opinion on what you said. I'm actually very impressed by your knowledge of curly hair. Type 4 is definitely more common in African descent but I have met definite type 4's who are white--most often Jewish, sometimes Irish, very often Hispanic. And a whole lot of Middle Eastern people. Never met it in an Asian descent person, but the other day, someone in another thread who was Asian called me out for saying this, so it seems some of them can have it too, though I've never seen it..A whole lot of the time type 4's keep it straightened or cut off though and you can't tell.

[Aderyn]

Braids/Twist outs/general protective styling is a must.

Detangling when hair is full of conditioner in the shower.

Conditioning once or twice after a scalp-centered wash, then use some sort of water-based leave in and sealant to lock in the moisture.

Be sure to be gentle and use gentle products. Satin scarves, not-massively drying shampoos and conditioners, patience when detangling, etc.

If you're curious about caring for hair that's very curly, I would recommend Chime Edwards and Naptural85 on YouTube to learn some of the basics about the hair texture in general. :)

[jeanniet]

To be honest, I would ask the mother specifically what she wants done. I wouldn't do anything else unless it's cleared by the mother first. If the child's hair already looks nice, then they probably have an established routine, but regardless, it's not a nanny's place to start making changes on her own especially when she has no experience with type 4 hair. It doesn't matter whether or not you approve of how the mother cares for her own hair; it's her child and what she says goes. So ask, and then if you want to make suggestions, go ahead, as long as you're willing to abide by the mother's wishes.

[Jumper]

To be honest, I would ask the mother specifically what she wants done. I wouldn't do anything else unless it's cleared by the mother first. If the child's hair already looks nice, then they probably have an established routine, but regardless, it's not a nanny's place to start making changes on her own especially when she has no experience with type 4 hair. It doesn't matter whether or not you approve of how the mother cares for her own hair; it's her child and what she says goes. So ask, and then if you want to make suggestions, go ahead, as long as you're willing to abide by the mother's wishes.

This. I wouldn't be asking strangers on the internet how it's cared for, I would ask the mother what she does/wants done with it.

[Quasiquixotic]

I don't know. I asked this group of Internet strangers how to care for my daughters hair, because I had no clue and was doing it all wrong. I don't see a problem in using the products already provided by the mom in LHC ways. In my opinion how you wash a kids hair isn't harming the child in one way or another. Sure talk to the mom, but it seems trivial to me, compared to say what to feed her or if she naps. :shrug:

[animetor7]

I did ask the mother, obviously. But I also want to comb her hair etc. in a way that's not going to hurt her. But she just said to comb it and wash it. Which wasn't all that specific. I didn't want to be rude and pry so I figured I'd ask people who know what it's like to take care of this hair type so that I don't hurt the kid in an effort to prevent really nasty knots from forming.

[Quasiquixotic]

I think you are being awesome. :twocents:

[McFearless]

I think you are being awesome. :twocents:

Me too. You've gotten good advice so far. Try de-tangling her hair with your fingers while it is dry prior to washing, and then sectioning the hair into four parts, braiding each section for washing separately. My hair tends to clump up when wet mere minutes after de-tangling and that has helped a lot. You can also ask her if she has any scalp or hair concerns. Check out this (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=1881&page=55&p=2735911#post2735911) thread for more tips.

[jeanniet]

I don't know. I asked this group of Internet strangers now to care for my daughters hair, because I had no clue and was doing it all wrong. I don't see a problem in using the products already provided by the mom in LHC ways. In my opinion how you wash a kids hair isn't harming the child in one way or another. Sure talk to the mom, but it seems trivial to me, compared to say what to feed her or if she naps. :shrug:

But 4 hair isn't 2c/3a, and you're the mom, not the nanny. So it's really very different. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for input, but it shouldn't ever supercede the mom's wishes.

I would really ask the mom to be more specific--what does she use, how does she wash it, how does she comb it, how does she let it dry, etc. It's just not like type 1 or 2 hair, but the mother may be so used to dealing with it she doesn't realize someone else may not know what to do. Some things to ask specifically would be:

Does she CO, shampoo, or a combination of both?
Does she detangle the hair wet with conditioner? Does she use fingers, comb, a brush (Denman or TT)?
Does she use leave in? Creams? Oil?
Does she do anything special to the hair on subsequent days? How often does she wash?
Should the hair be in twists or braids at least some of the time?

This will also avoid the issue of the child telling you you're doing things the wrong way. Some kids don't care, but others want everything done just the way Mommy does it and won't have any qualms about letting you know.

NaturallyCurly is a great resource, but I would also look for youtube videos so you have something visual to help you out.

ETA: Wanted to add that if mom doesn't mind you trying out new products, get some Kinky Curly Knot Today. It's an amazing detangler, and will really help you get past the learning curve.

[CurlyCap]

My first impression was to second Jeanniet, but since then you've stated that you have the mom's blessing. So, yay! Another head of gorgeous Type 4 curls in the world.

I love this tutorial:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL4gbp9JN5A

What I love best about this vid is that you really get to see how much conditioner is needed to easily detangle curly hair. I actually hate going to the hair dresser because this is something they just can't seem to fathom, and they resent how much of their product I'm using.

I personally need the flow of a shower head to detangle my hair completely, but she (the vidder) doesn't. And since you aren't family, if the daughter small enough, you can probably just lay her down on the kitchen counter for rinses in the sink (as opposed to just rinsing her down in the shower like my mom did). Also, in the video she finishes in small cinnabuns/bantu knots, but you can skip a styling step and just immediately put in two-strand twists after the rinse step. That way, after her hair is dry, it is already in a protective style. Also, once her twists dry, her hair will already be heatlessly stretched and ready for other, more elaborate styles.

[CurlyCap]

Ooops. Double post!

But since I'm here, I'll just add:

I sincerely hope this goes flawlessly and without drama, but I also wanted to warn you that talking about hair care with the mom may lead to an uncomfortable conversation.

I frequently get stopped in the street or asked by mom-friends of curly kids (usually type 3 and 4) on how I do my hair. And when I give them a very simple regimen, they often realize 1) It's not what they do with their own hair and 2) It sounds crazy to them. More often than not, my advice is labeled "crazy" or "you can't understand with your hairtype", and they go about their business and don't change their routine.

Maybe you could ask the mom if it would be alright to wash the daughter's hair or to try a new detangling method? Emphasize that you would use affordable, mostly-natural products, and it shouldn't hurt to detangle or style the hair. If mom likes the results, then maybe you can have a more in-depth conversation about how exactly you achieved the results.

[lapushka]

Is this what you mean Lapushka? http://www.tightlycurly.com/technique/tipsforlittleones/

Yep! :D Thanks for specifying the URL!

[Freija]

As I said, I think you're being lovely, too, for caring enough to ask. I was a small child with tight curls (not type 4, but probably around a 3b) and I would have adored anybody who'd known to use enough conditioner, and to only detangle with conditioner, and to not use a brush and not pull. And, for what it's worth, I know that my Dad wishes someone had been able to care for my hair properly, too (he's said as much to me), because he hated knowing that it hurt me every time he and my mum tried to comb it out or tie it back.

I took it as read from your first post that you'd already been told to do things with the child's hair by her mum - you did say that you were going to speak to her about it all! - and of course, depending on how small she is, children get messy, and sweaty, and their hair ends up all over the place by the end of the day... when you're looking after a small child all summer, any small child, it's just useful to know how to give her hair at least a simple, gentle wash and detangling. Honestly, it's not as though you're planning to cut it, or dramatically restyle it! : )


I did ask the mother, obviously. But I also want to comb her hair etc. in a way that's not going to hurt her. But she just said to comb it and wash it. Which wasn't all that specific. I didn't want to be rude and pry so I figured I'd ask people who know what it's like to take care of this hair type so that I don't hurt the kid in an effort to prevent really nasty knots from forming.

[queenovnight]

lapushka had the right idea!

Also, get the mother to try Mixed Chicks products. That line is perfect for children with curly hair. You could also try using a little oil to bring some shine to her curls.

Also, for washing -
With curly hair, you have to be careful. It'll break off if combed while dry. I would recommend only combing her hair when it's slathered in conditioner. You get right through the curls, without causing any damage. Also, you could try using conditioner as a leave in. Just a tiny bit. That works wonderfully on very curly hair.

[ARG]

As a former nanny, I understand that the child will be under your care and you'll be doing most of the bathing, and dressing, and I think it's really sweet that you've taken an interest in the child's hair type and want to learn more about it!

I really have nothing to add, except to make sure with the mommy that there are no known allergies (whether immediate family, or the child).