Hair emergency! Nothing works?

[SadLilGirlie]

Hi everyone. I’m desperately in need of help and advice. I feel like nothing can fix my hair. Since I was 8 years old my hair has been extremely dry and always tangled from my jawline and lower. I never dyed my hair, never use straight or curling iron and barely use blow dryer only when my mom forces me.
I have always loved having long hair but because of my disgusting hair quality it always looks bad and people have always made fun of me for it. Even my mother always tells me how much she is embarrassed to go out with me because of my hair :(

My hair is coarse, medium amount and 24 inches long. It is always healthy from my roots to my ears and sits flat on my scalp which I like but lower than that it gets extremely frizzy and tangled. This made me to always tightly braid or put it in a bun or otherwise people humiliated me.
Last year I got so sick of hearing people that I went home from school and cut 8 inches in the shower to get rid of all the damage but hours after that I started getting split ends immediately.

No matter how much I cut, split ends and frizz always appear as soon as I cut them. I have used all the methods I could think of. I changed my shampoo to sulfate free and used cleansing conditioners and only wash my hair twice a week. I have used olive oil, coconut oil, argan oil, raw eggs, mayonnaise, and honey. But none of them do anything. My hair absorbs the oils and after an hour it’s still dry and disgusting.

The only thing that I recently began to use and it’s kind of working is the African Gold coconut conditioner that use heavy amount of Mineral Oil with Coconut oil which keeps my hair very healthy and prevents split ends and makes my hair tangle free and wonderful. But even with that product I have to reapply every 6 hours or so because my hair absorbs it and starts to get dry again. ( idk how my hair absorbs mineral oil but it does :/ ) Also it makes my hair terribly greasy looking and I can’t possibly go out looking like a grease factory.
Do you guys know what my problem is and how can I fix it? The only thing I know is to go and cry in a corner :(

[chen bao jun]

You sound like a curly girl. have you tried conditioner washing and leave ins? Curlies who don't know it and are trying to wash like straighties, brush their hair and so forth usually have the exact same problems you are describing.
I rarely say this (being a mom) but that is not an appropriate thing for your mother to say to you. At all. big confidence breaker. Try to ask her to stop saying it.

[florenonite]

My first thought was that your hair's secretly curly, too. Don't brush your hair; detangle it with a wide-toothed comb instead.

[Anje]

You do sound like a curly! Next time you wash, detangle in the shower (ideally with a smooth comb while your hair is drenched in conditioner), rinse lightly, and don't touch your hair. Just put a towel on your shoulders and let it drip-dry and see what happens. (Take a picture if you like and share it --it'll help us have a better idea what's going on anyway and will help with the whole hairtyping thing.)

Concerning split ends -- if you're cutting your hair yourself, what sort of scissors are you using? Sharpness of scissors makes a big difference. Dull scissors, scissors that are regularly used to cut things other than hair, etc. are usually the culprit when recently-cut ends all start splitting again.

[Dreams_in_Pink]

Well, i'm a wavy and i've had the exact same problems you're having. I feel for your frustration.
I know i'm not a curly because i followed LHC rules for determining my hairtype and i only had large spirals here and there.

Try to determine if it's curly or not. There was a sticky thread somewhere in this forum about hairtyping.
If it's not, here's what's working for me:

- I always wet-set my hair after wash. I braid scarves into my hair after my hair's %90 dry and sleep with them. In the morning i take them out and lightly oil my hair, concentrating on the ends. When you have wavy hair your hair needs a little guidance to form into a shape.

- Damp bunning. I'm not sure if you can bun your hair, but this works wonders in bringing moisture back: First you detangle your hair. Then spritz your hair with water (preferably distilled) and then oil your ends and length with a penetrating oil (i use food-grade coconut oil) penetrating oils soak into your hair and not leave you with the greasies as you described. Leave the bun on for 2-3 hours minimum (longer if possible).

- Microfiber towel. Get one of these ASAP. They reduce the frizz and drying time dramatically.

- When you blowdry, make sure it's the coolest setting possible. I damaged my hair this way during my school years. Even a little bit of heat can make hair really dry.

- Have you tried CO(conditioner only) washing and WO (water-only) washing? I'm doing WO now (every two-three weeks i apply honey to my roots to remove hair wax) and my hair's been silky ever since i started.

Good luck!

ETA: Also, you mentioned split ends...Aside from the scissors problem Anje suggested, what kind of hair accessory are you using to put your hair up? Cheap, low quality hair stuff can snag, pull and break your hair. There's a reason we're paying a fortune for quality hairtoys. Even those little seams at the sides of plastic stuff can cause mechanical damage when used regularly.
And don't forget to contain your hair in a protective style. Protective means, ends of hair are not exposed. When they're not exposed, they don't undergo much friction and that prevents split ends.

[CousinItt]

You definitely sound like a secret curly. My hair was like that before I learned about proper curly hair care.

Definitely try conditioner washing, as well as sealing moisture into your hair by oiling it when it's damp. I know a lot of people here have had success with mineral oil - personally, I've only experienced drying of my hair with mineral oil, so keep track of what oils affect your hair and how. Personally, I always liked damp oiling with castor oil, even though I'm a finey (it's a heavy oil).

[Nope]

Your hair sounds like it may be protein sensitive, like a lot of people with coarse hair (including myself) are. Try products that don't contain any "hydrolized" ingredients or anything with the word protein or amino acid. I was having a really difficult time with my hair being dry and gross before I realized I was protein sensitive.
I also agree with the above posters as well.

[SadLilGirlie]

thank you so much for your answers. I will definitely check the hair typing and post some pics later today after I shower.
My hair looks straight with a slight wave to the bottom. but even with that I can't run my fingers through my hair because of tangles unless I use the mineral oil product. I also been using the new Herbal Essence naked cleansing conditioner rather than shampoo which made my a hair a bit better but still full of problems.
also with the never brushing thing but it doesn't work because my hair looks like I've been in a fight LOL.

[SadLilGirlie]

I forgot to mention. for cutting my hair I use scissors that my mother got for it's specifically for hair stylists and we sharpen it after a while to make sure it's not dull.

[ARG]

My first thought was you're curly. As I continued reading your post, I wondered what kind of water you have (hard, soft?), and if you've ever used a chelating shampoo or recently clarified? Are you brushing your hair or combing, and are you starting at the root or gently detangling from the ends and working your way up?
Sorry for all the questions!

I would firstly identify your hair type as suggested above (Link to helping you identify your hair type (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=116252)).
As well as find out what type of water you have (if you don't already know).

Also try investing in a satin or a silk pillow case.

[jeanniet]

It definitely sounds like you're either curly or wavy. If you brush your hair, you may not see the curl because the brushing breaks the curls up into frizz. The tangles plus frizz is another clue--brushed out curls will tangle because they're trying to reform into curls.

Washing with conditioner should help. At minimum use a sulfate-free shampoo, and dilute it so you're using as little as possible. Detangle with a wide-toothed comb in the shower, when your hair is full of conditioner. Otherwise, leave it alone. Squeeze water out of your hair (use a t-shirt, not a regular towel) and then let it dry without touching.

Use a leave in--this can be regular conditioner. You'll have to experiment with how much to use, but I'd start with a good tablespoon and work up from there. You might want to seal with oil on top of the leave in.

You might also want to see if you can get hold of a copy of the Curly Girl book. It explains what curls need in much greater detail. I don't follow her routine to the letter, but it's a good jumping-off point.

I'd also like to mention that your hair may not actually be coarse. "Coarse" means your individual hairs are thick. If yours are thicker than a thread, they're indeed coarse. About the same size, they're medium. Smaller means they're fine. Many curlies have fine hair, but think it's coarse because of frizz. I thought I had coarse hair because someone a long time ago told me I did, but in fact it's on the medium side of fine. Fine hair needs a somewhat different approach than coarse hair (it does well with protein, for example, whereas coarse hair usually doesn't), so that's why I brought it up.

[SadLilGirlie]

based on the hair type chart, i beleive my hair is : 1c/M / iii 6 inches

I live in Toronto which has moderately hard water at 6 to 7 grains per gallon which made my hair to start thinning when we moved here so we decided to add a filter on hour shower cap since 4 years ago so my hair grew back again.

So i did what you guys suggested and washed my hair with conditioner, combed and detangled in shower and only put some normal coconut oil without mineral oil or any other product.

so here is a pic while my hair is damp. i will upload another one when my hair dries.

http://i.imgur.com/nZKkJLz.jpg?1

[SadLilGirlie]

one other thing i have to mention is that after I cut a lot of my damaged hair I permed it straight last year in September and I have to say that it honestly made it look healthier, more manageable, and reduced 80% of the frizz. before that my hair used to be 2a but now it is 1c.

[jeanniet]

It's very difficult to properly type hair that's been chemically treated. The other issue is that if you had a straightening treatment, there is likely a certain amount of damage from that, and it will affect frizz to some extent especially if the treatment begins to wear off. The treatment will make the hair look healthier and smoother because it's coated, but underneath there is usually some level of damage because of the methods used to bond the product to the hair shaft (heat). Hair type doesn't really change--it can appear differently depending on how it's treated, but the hair type itself is still the same (grows out of the head the same type).

Changing how you wash your hair, using leave in and oils will probably help a lot with appearance, but won't correct any damage. That has to be grown out. I still strongly suspect that your hair is much wavier/curlier than you thought. If it was 2a before with brushing, it's probably at least 2c in reality.

[SadLilGirlie]

It's very difficult to properly type hair that's been chemically treated. The other issue is that if you had a straightening treatment, there is likely a certain amount of damage from that, and it will affect frizz to some extent especially if the treatment begins to wear off. The treatment will make the hair look healthier and smoother because it's coated, but underneath there is usually some level of damage because of the methods used to bond the product to the hair shaft (heat). Hair type doesn't really change--it can appear differently depending on how it's treated, but the hair type itself is still the same (grows out of the head the same type).

Changing how you wash your hair, using leave in and oils will probably help a lot with appearance, but won't correct any damage. That has to be grown out. I still strongly suspect that your hair is much wavier/curlier than you thought. If it was 2a before with brushing, it's probably at least 2c in reality.

oh you're right. so I guess there is no real treatment unless I grow it out. oh well. I just have to focus on keeping my growing hair safe and healthy. thanks so much for the answer :)

[Clytemnestra]

When I switched to fingers only combing it cut down the breakage and frizz from my wurly hair, rarely I'll use a seamless comb and even rarer use a boar bristle brush. Coconut oil gives me the crunchy dry hair, so I switched to Camellia which is lighter, you just have to experiment to find the right things that will work for you, if your hair is curly it will soak def soak it up in hours, just put more in. I also alternate my protein/moisture treatments, on the weekends I do a treatment and leave it in for several hours at a time. Keep experimenting until you find something that works.

[jeanniet]

Well, as I said you can improve the look and feel somewhat by using oils and conditioners, and possibly protein treatments if your hair does well with them. If your hair is less dry, it will look and feel better.

[MissHoney]

Thanks everyone who gave advice here, I have a lot of the same problem described here even though my hair is very fine.

[jeanniet]

Your hair may also be fairly porous, so doing overnight coconut oil soaks before washes may help.

[ErinLeigh]

The thing that stands out to me in the use of the heavy mineral oil based conditioner being applied again and agin between washes. Mineral oil seals far more than cones and oils. Great if using once to seal but if being applied repeatedly without removing the first application, it could be building up, or simply sealing to much and blocking moisture from getting in.

MO sits on the strands and seals. If you keep applying each time you are just re coating the strands making it hard to moisturize thru the layers applied. Add in washing with gentle shampoos or cowashes and the MO may not be getting removed, slowly adding to more and more dryness inducing buildup.

Dry hair tends to behave like you mention so it could be your hair is needing some deep moisture treatments (and some with hydrolyzed proteins due to hair being chemically treated) applied to clarified hair so they can have a chance to sink in and start bringing something back into hair.
Just an idea.

[Miss_Green]

I have always loved having long hair but because of my disgusting hair quality it always looks bad and people have always made fun of me for it. Even my mother always tells me how much she is embarrassed to go out with me because of my hair :(

No more advice other than what everyone else has said, but gosh, you poor thing! The comment about your mother makes me feel really sad. I hope you will start to feel better about your hair soon!

[chen bao jun]

As stated by someone else, we can't tell your hair type since you had the treatment done, until it grows out. However, I can tell you that if you have curly hair (very very likely) it's probably dry hair and having treated hair makes it even drier. You would probably benefit from getting as much moisture into your hair as possible, I'd try SMTs and/or pre-wash oilings with something penetrating. that helps with the frizzies (which are a common things with straightened curly hair). do try to avoid the constant brushing that one is tempted to do to make the hair at least appear smoother. Brushing aggravates the problem.
another possibility is that you need some protein at the ends of the hair, chemical treatments rob hair of protein and make it weak and breakable and frizzy.
You have some experimenting to do. Good luck. I would read curly hair threads on this forum.

[chen bao jun]

By the way, Mom has insecurities she is taking out on you. Nothing to do with you and your hair is definitely NOT awful or anything to be ashamed about. Hopefully she will work on her issues, moms are people too and sometimes do or say things they shouldn't, try not to let it bother you, if you can't get across to her that she really ought to stop.

[Miss_Green]

By the way, Mom has insecurities she is taking out on you. Nothing to do with you and your hair is definitely NOT awful or anything to be ashamed about. Hopefully she will work on her issues, moms are people too and sometimes do or say things they shouldn't, try not to let it bother you, if you can't get across to her that she really ought to stop.

Yes, exactly!

[spidermom]

As ErinLeigh pointed out, oil and conditioner residues build up a heavy coating on the hair shaft. This needs to be removed from time to time. I recommend that you pick up a clarifying shampoo - I like VO5 Kiwi Lime - and a deep treatment when you can afford it. If you haven't done it before, you should probably shampoo your hair from scalp to tips with the clarifying shampoo twice. Then do the deep treatment according to the directions. I like Regis Designline Hydrating Balm, also Joico KPak (which made my hair shine like glass).

While you're growing it out and trimming off damage, I recommend that you use a coney conditioner or leave-in. There are a lot of good ones available - CHI silk, Biosilk, Renpure Originals leave in treatment. Use these very sparingly; a little goes a long way. You can spread a pea-sized amount among your fingers, then finger-comb it through your length, followed by a regular comb. This will protect your hair and make it a lot easier to untangle. You will have to clarify about once a month or every other month. Although I wash my hair about twice a week, I only have to use a coney product like this once per week or less. The effect lasts.