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StellaKatherine
May 28th, 2014, 02:46 PM
Do you ever feel wanting something so bad that the feeling with you every single day ?

I don't remember when this happend for the first time. I was enjoying my hair as it was untill couple of years ago. My hair grows fast, grows long but it isn't very thick. My mom has double the hair that i have... And here it goes. Everytime i make a braid, make a bun i have this feeling of wanting , needing desperately a thicker hair. I know i have what i have and i should be happy... but i can't, i just want... Everytime i see a girl with a thick braid and i cant stop staring and admire it and hope i would have it. My husband saying i should be happy as thicker braid would feel heavy, but i can't help it :( This is stupid, but i want so badly :(

nicolezoie
May 28th, 2014, 02:54 PM
Just a thought: My hair isn't overly thick, and it is thinning some as I get older. The longer it got, the more dense my updos became, and it gave the illusion of having thicker hair, when I really don't. At its thickest, my ponytail circumference was just above 4" and now it is in the low-mid 3s, but you'd never know it.

furnival
May 28th, 2014, 02:58 PM
Yep, I've felt like this before. I deal with feelings like this by forcing myself to see how lucky I am in what I've got. Not just with hair, but everything. It's easy be become so distracted by what you haven't got that you lose sight of what you have. Your hair looks beautiful, and I'm certain there are people out there who would love to have hair like yours. How would you feel about your present hair if you lost it due to chemo or alopecia? You wouldn't be bemoaning its lack of thickness, you'd wish you'd appreciated it while you had it. You can't change your hair, but you can change your perspective. Going through life wanting more than it's possible to have is a recipe for unhappiness.

StellaKatherine
May 28th, 2014, 03:02 PM
Just a thought: My hair isn't overly thick, and it is thinning some as I get older. The longer it got, the more dense my updos became, and it gave the illusion of having thicker hair, when I really don't. At its thickest, my ponytail circumference was just above 4" and now it is in the low-mid 3s, but you'd never know it.

Yeah this is why i mostly wear buns nawadays as it almost looks like i have some good amount of hair lol Today made a 4 strand braid, it looks little thicker that way so i try not to touch it as then i will feel how small it really is :D

martyna_22
May 28th, 2014, 03:05 PM
I know what you mean. I get this a lot, not only with hair, but also with other things in life. What I am, have, or do is never enough.
:grouphug: But remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. Your hair is lovely as it is. Twice as much hair at classic length (which I see you want to achieve) would probably be too much work (at least to me). And with medium thickness you probably won't get tired of it. That's fewer tangles and less time to dry as well :)

StellaKatherine
May 28th, 2014, 03:06 PM
Yep, I've felt like this before. I deal with feelings like this by forcing myself to see how lucky I am in what I've got. Not just with hair, but everything. It's easy be become so distracted by what you haven't got that you lose sight of what you have. Your hair looks beautiful, and I'm certain there are people out there who would love to have hair like yours. How would you feel about your present hair if you lost it due to chemo or alopecia? You wouldn't be bemoaning its lack of thickness, you'd wish you'd appreciated it while you had it. You can't change your hair, but you can change your perspective. Going through life wanting more than it's possible to have is a recipe for unhappiness.

Yeah this is what i keep on telling me. Like my mom's hair doesn't even grow as long as my does and this could be much worser. Lol i just have one of those days..... :D

StellaKatherine
May 28th, 2014, 03:10 PM
I know what you mean. I get this a lot, not only with hair, but also with other things in life. What I am, have, or do is never enough.
:grouphug: But remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. Your hair is lovely as it is. Twice as much hair at classic length (which I see you want to achieve) would probably be too much work (at least to me). And with medium thickness you probably won't get tired of it. That's fewer tangles and less time to dry as well :)

Yup and if even with my hair it is too hot to keep hair down at summer tme, then what would it be with having 2 times more hair ? Positive thinking ! Yeah ! Good points!

lapushka
May 28th, 2014, 03:25 PM
In all honesty... Things like this, to throw a different perspective at you, make me creeped out. I have iii hair, and it feels like there are people out there wanting something you have (that you can't do a thing about anyway - I was born with this head of hair). It makes me feel objectified, a "thing", only there for the greed of others. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I agree with furnival. Try and look at this from a different perspective, look at what you do have, and BTW ii isn't thin - at all. It's *normal* thickness. If you can't live with that, that's bad.

lazuliblue
May 28th, 2014, 03:27 PM
StellaKatherine your hair really is beautiful, I can't wait until mine looks like that! I hope that soon you really love it again :)

I do sometimes think to myself 'I wish my hair was thicker' and today I was wishing that I had even waves all over rather than curls at the front and straight bits at the back. But I stop myself quickly, because I know that really, with a circumference of 3 inches, I am very lucky to have the hair that I do.

spidermom
May 28th, 2014, 04:28 PM
Your hair is beautiful, and it's true - really thick hair is a pain! Literally. If it's down it feels like a blanket and if it's up the weight pulls against my scalp. No fun at all.

But what's probably really happening is that you are distracting yourself with thoughts of hair. There's something else that you should be dealing with.

chen bao jun
May 28th, 2014, 07:43 PM
My hair is as thick as anybody could possibly want, but even when it reaches 35 inches (if it does) it will look much, much shorter, due to curls.
I do notice that I focus on this more when there is something else that I would rather not think about, as spidermom says.
I'm sorry that others' envy gives you bad feelings, Lapushka. I used to struggle with this but now (most of the time) I'm able to think that its their problem, not mine. Like you said, you can't help the way you were born and everything has both 'good' and 'bad'. I never feel that people here on LHC are envious about thick hair really though so much as there is a fantasy of what it must be like that's not too realistic.

vanillabones
May 28th, 2014, 08:01 PM
My hair is probably half the thickness of yours and I feel/think about this every day. :( I know I will never have thick hair. I may never even have 'normal' hair.
I don't think I will ever be happy about having thin hair but I have accepted it. I'm thinking of trying to style my hair again by curling (hopefully with no heat), and/or blowdrying the roots and crown of my hair to get some lift. Seriously it looks like I have bald spots! My hair is almost too thin to hide the scalp.

BrendaLoan
May 28th, 2014, 08:01 PM
I think that this "Wanting something that you can't ever have..." thing happens a lot when you join to the Long Hair Community haha ;). You find the most amazing manes all in one place, and start wishing your hair was thicker, longer, curlier, straighter, etc (or maybe it's just me :confused:) . It is all about perspective I guess... At the end, it all comes down to learning to love what you are given and making the best of it

Anyuta
May 28th, 2014, 08:15 PM
Yes, happens a lot on a daily basis, and if it's something you can buy/get than that's an easy fix. But for things like hair... or whatever comes with genetics, than yes, it's about talking yourself out of that in the right time. :( Just looking around or concentrating on other things you possess that you are happy with and wouldn't change helps.

LauraLongLocks
May 28th, 2014, 10:06 PM
The grass is always greener...

Really, sometimes I get frustrated with my fine hair that doesn't seem thick enough for me. Other times, I see styles on my hair and length shots that are very pleasing to me, and I am super happy with what I was given in the genetics department. The more I work with what I have and stop complaining about it, the more I love what I see. Indeed, I have very nice hair, and every hair type can be very nice, if it isn't forced into being something it will never be.

jacqueline101
May 28th, 2014, 10:20 PM
They always say there is someone somewhere that would love to have your hair. It's beautiful and your hair doesn't look too thin or too thick. It looks just right.

Tall Blond(ish)
May 28th, 2014, 10:22 PM
When I find myself fixating on little things like that, I try to get outside of myself. I try to reach out to others who need help with problems that are far more pressing than whatever is bothering me. Solving real problems is far more satisfying than dwelling on minor things I can't change.

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 01:12 AM
In all honesty... Things like this, to throw a different perspective at you, make me creeped out. I have iii hair, and it feels like there are people out there wanting something you have (that you can't do a thing about anyway - I was born with this head of hair). It makes me feel objectified, a "thing", only there for the greed of others. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I agree with furnival. Try and look at this from a different perspective, look at what you do have, and BTW ii isn't thin - at all. It's *normal* thickness. If you can't live with that, that's bad.

Oh i am so sorry! I really didn't mean it like that!!! I didn't mean to make the ones with thicker hair feel creeped out :( Damn now i really feel bad about it all :( My own mom has huge amount of hair and i love to do a hairstyles on her as it is a nightmare for her to do it herself ( so she saying ) I guess i just always wondered why i didn't get her hairtype as mine is the most thin hair in my family...

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 01:23 AM
Thank you all for the positive feedback! I think my post turned out worser than was intended, I blame it to my english not been a mother language and a strongly bedtime writting :) I am not jealous as such to those with a thicker hair. I do not spend hours thinking about it - it just came out when i take a photo of my braid and suddenly i was like " Omng it looks so thin, i didn't know it looked that way ". Anyway i am really sorry if it sounded like i am blaming anyone or anything like that, i don't ! It was just not a good hair day for me yesterday and this is what happend :D

Federica
May 29th, 2014, 02:42 AM
I understand how you feel.
I've always wanted to be a ginger so badly, and everytime I see someone with natural red hair I stare at those magnificent shades of red/brown/orange and feel a massive admiration.
BTW I think that everybody wants the things they never can get, and for what's worth I think your hair is beautiful and doesn't look thin at all!

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 02:49 AM
I understand how you feel.
I've always wanted to be a ginger so badly, and everytime I see someone with natural red hair I stare at those magnificent shades of red/brown/orange and feel a massive admiration.
BTW I think that everybody wants the things they never can get, and for what's worth I think your hair is beautiful and doesn't look thin at all!

Thank you for your kind words, much appreciated! Yeah you a totally right we humans , especially women tend to want something we do not have. My sister has some amazing natural silky culrs and she keeps on ironing it every single morning to get it straight - crazy isn't it ? :) And yeah there is something special in a red heads isn't there ? :D

eadwine
May 29th, 2014, 03:52 AM
I just wonder.. before going to hair sites and such and learning about hair toys and all that.. did you feel that you had thin hair?

Thinking of myself.. I would love to have it just a bit thicker. I grab my paranda and it is. However.. before I started actually paying attention to my hair I never thought of it being thin or thick. I never gave it a thought that I might wanted it thicker as it just didn't occur to me that I might want it to be.

Basically: this is a side effect of hair forums ;) Grass greener situation ;)

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 04:09 AM
I just wonder.. before going to hair sites and such and learning about hair toys and all that.. did you feel that you had thin hair?

Thinking of myself.. I would love to have it just a bit thicker. I grab my paranda and it is. However.. before I started actually paying attention to my hair I never thought of it being thin or thick. I never gave it a thought that I might wanted it thicker as it just didn't occur to me that I might want it to be.

Basically: this is a side effect of hair forums ;) Grass greener situation ;)

Good question. Actually now that i am thinking the first time ever i really hated my hair was when i take a photo of my own braid to see how it looked. That is when I actually realized that it wasn't as thick looking as i thought it would. I almost wish i would never had taken that photo and would have continue admiring others hair without wanting anything for myself lol

Ingrid
May 29th, 2014, 04:16 AM
Good question. Actually now that i am thinking the first time ever i really hated my hair was when i take a photo of my own braid to see how it looked. That is when I actually realized that it wasn't as thick looking as i thought it would. I almost wish i would never had taken that photo and would have continue admiring others hair without wanting anything for myself lol

I can certainly relate to this. Before I decided to stop dyeing my hair, I decided to take a picture of how my hair looked for the first time. I realised that it was actually incredibly thin, dry and damaged, and that made me very sad because I remembered my hair looking much healthier. Since then I've just been focusing on improving my hair and trying to make sure it is the best it can be. I don't have aspirations to make my hair look like someone else's hair but I certainly admire healthy hair!

Wosie
May 29th, 2014, 04:31 AM
StellaKatherine, I don't think there is any need for you to apologise. Everybody gets these feelings every once in a while--it's very human and I'm sure everybody can relate. :)

I think the 10cm+ circumference (iii) classifier which is considered thick here at LHC is very thick, not just thick. Your hair looks nice, healthy and just right to me.

Now I'm pretty curious, what is your circumference? It looks to be about the same as mine, so I'd like to hear if I'm right. *^_^*

Theobroma
May 29th, 2014, 04:33 AM
I just wonder.. before going to hair sites and such and learning about hair toys and all that.. did you feel that you had thin hair?

No -- just the opposite, actually, because I grew up with everyone telling me how super-thick my hair was. And I've never had a circ of more than 8cm.

I do think the hair forums skew our perception of what is and isn't thick. There's a comment upthread where somebody said they'd never had "overly thick" hair... with a circ of four-and-a-half-inches! By real-world standards that's super-thick any day. I don't know whether to be weirded out or amused at the idea that three inches or so is "thin". :hmm:

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 04:38 AM
I can certainly relate to this. Before I decided to stop dyeing my hair, I decided to take a picture of how my hair looked for the first time. I realised that it was actually incredibly thin, dry and damaged, and that made me very sad because I remembered my hair looking much healthier. Since then I've just been focusing on improving my hair and trying to make sure it is the best it can be. I don't have aspirations to make my hair look like someone else's hair but I certainly admire healthy hair!

It seems the best thing to do is never photo our hair :D I know i can get my hair little thicker as i have LOTS of small hairs all over my head right now. I should really just focus on taking good care of what i have now and just patiently wait for the shorter ones to grow up. Heh that famous patience lol

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 04:43 AM
StellaKatherine, I don't think there is any need for you to apologise. Everybody gets these feelings every once in a while--it's very human and I'm sure everybody can relate. :)

I think the 10cm+ circumference (iii) classifier which is considered thick here at LHC is very thick, not just thick. Your hair looks nice, healthy and just right to me.

Now I'm pretty curious, what is your circumference? It looks to be about the same as mine, so I'd like to hear if I'm right. *^_^*

Thank you for been so understanding ! <3 The last time i measured it was 7 and a half when in a low ponytail and almost 8 when high ponytail. I do have lots of shorter hairs about 1-2 cm long ones all around my head from using a brush i got from hair salon 2 month ago ( no need to say the brush will never be used again ). Am i crazy to not be happy enough ?

florenonite
May 29th, 2014, 04:46 AM
FWIW, every time I try to do a bun I wish my hair were thinner :lol:

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 04:50 AM
FWIW, every time I try to do a bun I wish my hair were thinner :lol:

So it goes both ways , does it ? :D

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 04:56 AM
No -- just the opposite, actually, because I grew up with everyone telling me how super-thick my hair was. And I've never had a circ of more than 8cm.

I do think the hair forums skew our perception of what is and isn't thick. There's a comment upthread where somebody said they'd never had "overly thick" hair... with a circ of four-and-a-half-inches! By real-world standards that's super-thick any day. I don't know whether to be weirded out or amused at the idea that three inches or so is "thin". :hmm:

For my wedding day i had my hair done professionally. My hairdresser was like " Omng your hair is so thick and long and healthy". And i was like WTF? Did you never really see a thick hair? Go on internet and you see a really thick hair, mine is nothing !

Stray_mind
May 29th, 2014, 07:26 AM
I have this feeling too sometimes, when i want my braids and my hair to be thicker. My ponytail circumference is 3.14 inches. My BF once told me when trying to massage my head "You have so many hairs that i don't see where your scalp is"... That made me happier and i know i have a lot of hair, it's just that it is fine and compresses more and looks thinner than it would look on a person with the same amount of coarse hair. Nowadays i try to convince myself that it's not all about thickness though. I'm focusing now on having HEALTHY hair. And if it's healthy, it also looks and feels thicker on it's own.

lapushka
May 29th, 2014, 07:59 AM
Oh i am so sorry! I really didn't mean it like that!!! I didn't mean to make the ones with thicker hair feel creeped out :( Damn now i really feel bad about it all :( My own mom has huge amount of hair and i love to do a hairstyles on her as it is a nightmare for her to do it herself ( so she saying ) I guess i just always wondered why i didn't get her hairtype as mine is the most thin hair in my family...

No, it's just *everybody* drools over thick hair, even on LHC (the last place you'd expect there to be non equality between the strands) and it gets old - fast. Every hairtype has its good and bad sides and you'd think that would be honored here. If there's even one picture of thick hair on here, everybody jumps on it, it's disgusting. Every hairtype deserves the same attention! My mom has i hair bordering on ii, and it's something she's had to embrace. As I'm disabled she helps me take care of my hair and it's really made her see the downsides to having thicker hair. No the grass is not all greener on the other side.

But you are totally entitled to your emotions and feelings on the matter!

ErinLeigh
May 29th, 2014, 08:52 AM
Some curlies may want to be straight, straights to have wave, thin to be thick, overly thick to be thinner/lighter. Tall people may want to be shorter, short people want to be taller. It is just the minds way of exploring the "what if's" in life. It usually occurs when something else is really bothering you that you haven't identified so you hyper-focus on something tangible instead.

You may wish for a little more thickness while meanwhile someone else is wishing to have what you have. It is a circle. We all admire traits in others that we do not have because they are a curiosity. It is normal. Anyone can understand being wistful for something. There is nothing wrong with a little wishful thinking as long as it doesn't start to become an obsession and cause angst in not appreciating your own attributes.

Thicker hair will not chance anything about your life. It's just easier to think "life would be so great if I had X"."
How many times do we read people post how great they expected their hair to be once they hit waist or classic for example..only to read they are disenchanted when that magical hair moment of feeling perfection didn't occur when they hit their goal. I don't think your feelings are much different than those.

If you want to feel thicker hair there are ways to do that. You could do sectioned buns, add a paranda to your braid, do triple braids and braid those together for a thicker look, do heatless curls to add volume,, use bun boosters or many other things. You can have the best of both worlds really. You could also start focusing instead on the condition of your hair and taking pride in how healthy it is. In my opinion length and thickness do not matter near as much as hair in optimal condition. Hopefully you start to find the perspective and find pride in all the great things about yourself appearance and otherwise. It will help these longings fade.

For what it's worth I see your hair pic in the signature and think "beautiful."

eadwine
May 29th, 2014, 08:54 AM
I hear you Lapushka!

We recently had a meeting here with someone who was 1 very curly and 2 very thick haired to boot.

We couldn't even get that 10s bun that I did to work, too thick.

She wasn't able to do much, updo wise.

stachelbeere
May 29th, 2014, 09:35 AM
I have this feeling too sometimes, when i want my braids and my hair to be thicker. My ponytail circumference is 3.14 inches. My BF once told me when trying to massage my head "You have so many hairs that i don't see where your scalp is"... That made me happier and i know i have a lot of hair, it's just that it is fine and compresses more and looks thinner than it would look on a person with the same amount of coarse hair. Nowadays i try to convince myself that it's not all about thickness though. I'm focusing now on having HEALTHY hair. And if it's healthy, it also looks and feels thicker on it's own.

I love how your ponytail circumference equals Pi :D

and yes, sometimes you just have a lot of fine hair. Keeping it healthy is key.

StellaKatherine
May 29th, 2014, 09:48 AM
I love how you girls make me see the other side!

ErinLeigh , you are right i have other things on my mind that i probably trying to forget by focusing on my hair. But right now the hair is easier than the real life staff :) And thank you for you compliment, it is sweet of you to say so <3

LongHairLesbian
May 29th, 2014, 11:03 AM
No, it's just *everybody* drools over thick hair, even on LHC (the last place you'd expect there to be non equality between the strands) and it gets old - fast. Every hairtype has its good and bad sides and you'd think that would be honored here. If there's even one picture of thick here on here, everybody jumps on it, it's disgusting. Every hairtype deserves the same attention! My mom has i hair bordering on ii, and it's something she's had to embrace. As I'm disabled she helps me take care of my hair and it's really made her see the downsides to having thicker hair. No the grass is not all greener on the other side.

But you are totally entitled to your emotions and feelings on the matter!

I've also noticed that thick hair is seen as the hair ideal, on LHC and often IRL as well. And I agree that it isn't, nor should it be, the be all and end all! My hair isn't nearly as thick as many people's on this board; I'm estimating somewhere between 3-3.75 inches. The average range is excellent. Just enough to do substantial looking braids and buns, but not enough to require the extra effort washing/styling/detangling. Thin hair can also be so beautiful; AspenSong and Rags come to mind as ladies that have such beautiful, soft, long hair that is thin and very well taken care of. I'm sure it looks gorgeous when it floats delicately in a gentle breeze; thicker hair ladies have strands going every direction, not as pretty of a sight. :lol:

Grass isn't always greener on the other side indeed! I feel more and more grateful for my average thickness as my hair gets longer, as the weight seems to increase with every new milestone. I was at work the other day, and decided to wear my hair down. Two hours into the shift, I was getting seriously annoyed. Hair over my shoulders and front, making an audible *thud* sound every time I pulled it back and let it drop against my lower back. So I did a quick side braid. Fine at first, but it started to feel heavy and was pinching my strands, so ended up undoing it and throwing my hair into its usual bun, taking care to distribute the weight evenly. It made me think of how much weight and bulk thick haired ladies have to deal with, if I'm getting annoyed with my ii volume. My aunt has EXTREMELY thick hair, probably a 5-6 inch pony, and she is envious of how long I'm able to grow my hair, she says she could never grow her hair so long. When we are always looking at what we can't have, we don't stop to appreciate what we do have. OP, your hair is a gorgeous colour and texture, it is long and average thickness. No reason to wish for anything else, you've got lots of luck as it is! ;)

chen bao jun
May 29th, 2014, 03:19 PM
LHC is the only place I have come across where its 'the thicker the better'. In real life, it's good to be thick UP TO A CERTAIN POINT. I was always way past that point and at best people were sorry for me, at worst they were really rude and nasty. I can compare it to long hair in real life--there's a point at which people start telling you to donate or that you must be dirty and things like that. Except with long hair, you can cut it off though you may not want to--with thick hair you really can't do anything. Getting it thinned just means the thinned part will grow (quickly) and make the rest stick out even more because of the shorter hairs under there and it all appears thicker and totally out of control.
People whose hair is 'too thick' in real life can seriously suffer, with everything from inability to wear most hairstyles (except if its the 80's); hairtoys, combs and brushes breaking (we laugh about it on LHC but in real life, especially in your younger years, this is frustrating and embarrassing);very hard to figure out how to take care of the hair; excessive drying time; can't fit hats (at my graduation, I needed a mortar board bigger than the football players did--and it still didn't fit)--there's a lot of things you would honestly never think about that happen. You can't ever escape notice ('the one with all the hair' or less politely, 'the one with the bushy hair') and yeah, people who are actually going bald are jealous of you (I am sympathetic to that situation), but no one else. You are definitely NOT the girl in the shampoo or hair product commercial. Those girls might have moderately thick hair sometimes, but they never have really thick hair because its just too hard to style--and set fans blowing it? Ha! That would not be attractive.
I wouldn't change my hair for anything at this time of my life--but it got me a long time to get here. I have a lot of things I appreciate now (I listed them on a thread recently) and LHC has contributed to that a great deal with all the tips and tricks there are for thick haired people on here, and the ability to talk to a group of people, larger than I would ever meet in real life, who understand because they have been there. And on here there are great threads for fine-haired people, too, and for thinning people and support and friendship for everybody. But Lapushka is right, there is this definite vibe of being jealous, not of thick hair per se, but of the FANTASY of what thick hair is like, that has nothing to do with actually dealing with it in real life. People see a photo of huge bun or a thick braid, and think, 'I'd like to have that' and go into spasms of self-pity about their own perfectly beautiful hair, and its bad for them and bad for everybody as it seems to just spread from thread to thread, a lot of misery instead of the joy that should be here.
Not accusing the OP of doing this by the way. this is just a general trend I have noticed and I happen to be spouting off here, but its nothing to do with her.

duchesswannabe
May 29th, 2014, 03:30 PM
My husband said to me only a few years ago: "I have a feeling that even if you did have _______________ (the skintone and hair length, color and texture of a woman young enough to be my daughter who was walking in the opposite direction, which I said I wished I had), you still wouldn't be happy." He rarely gets annoyed with me, and he was telling the truth. We get too used to looking at ourselves in the mirror and get bored. I think that is a part of it.

HintOfMint
May 29th, 2014, 03:51 PM
No, it's just *everybody* drools over thick hair, even on LHC (the last place you'd expect there to be non equality between the strands) and it gets old - fast. Every hairtype has its good and bad sides and you'd think that would be honored here. If there's even one picture of thick here on here, everybody jumps on it, it's disgusting. Every hairtype deserves the same attention! My mom has i hair bordering on ii, and it's something she's had to embrace. As I'm disabled she helps me take care of my hair and it's really made her see the downsides to having thicker hair. No the grass is not all greener on the other side.

But you are totally entitled to your emotions and feelings on the matter!

Bolded mine.

I'm sure it wasn't meant with any ill intent, but your phrasing really rubbed me the wrong way. I'm a bit sensitive to people saying that anyone "deserves" attention (or affection, praise, whathaveyou). It's a loaded word for me. I've had to deal with a beloved friend blow up at me for not dating him because he "deserved" to date me and I wasn't being "fair" with my affections. Everybody is allowed to have their preferences, and as long as they aren't being a bully or insulting anyone for not fitting in with said preferences, there's nothing wrong with having them.
Some hairtypes get quite a bit of attention, but I don't see the point in regulating it or shaming people for paying compliments. People like what they like. Also, LHC seems to be one of the most inclusive places I've seen, so it's not like anybody here is running around saying, "If you have x, y, or z, you have no business growing long hair!"

YamaMaya
May 29th, 2014, 04:26 PM
Sometimes I wish my natural shade wasn't so dark, that way I could maybe try to experiment with dyes other than black. Alas, it is not so, and I've decided to just grow out virgin because no one can tell my hair is dyed anyhow and it's not worth the additional damage. I've actually had people argue with me about my own natural color and insist it's black when it's in fact a very very dark brown. I can't even tell where my demarcation line is anymore.

I also wish I could have a tiny waist and a flat stomach, but alas, that's a far off pipe dream in and of itself :p

Sharysa
May 29th, 2014, 04:27 PM
People whose hair is 'too thick' in real life can seriously suffer, with everything from inability to wear most hairstyles (except if its the 80's); hairtoys, combs and brushes breaking (we laugh about it on LHC but in real life, especially in your younger years, this is frustrating and embarrassing);very hard to figure out how to take care of the hair; excessive drying time;

But Lapushka is right, there is this definite vibe of being jealous, not of thick hair per se, but of the FANTASY of what thick hair is like, that has nothing to do with actually dealing with it in real life.

This. ALL THE TIME.

Most people's awkward stages end at APL or BSL. Mine lasted FROM APL/BSL to almost waist-length, because my hair only looked good in half-ups or braided. When I had it down, it was too long to lie neatly and too short to wave properly, and that sucked. Now at the waist/hip range, I feel better about wearing it down because it finally stopped doing the triangle effect (after nearly two years, and a small but key change in my hemline).

I can't do buns because my hair's STILL not long enough to not have bits poking out, and it's too heavy anyway.

I have to schedule my week around my hair because as Chen mentioned, it takes HOURS to dry. My hair is the type that goes from wet to damp in about an hour, but it STAYS damp for the next four to eight hours. Yes, even in hot weather.

Eighty percent of people posting about wanting thicker hair or asking if it's too thin? Usually, they have perfectly normal hair that shouldn't be worried about.

---
Also, HintOfMint, Chen most likely didn't mean to be insulting when she said that "disgusting" comment.

It's just so irritating to hear LHC people fawn over how they want hair as thick as possible when they don't know anything about how it actually has to be maintained. Or how a good number of thick-haired people had problems when younger, because hormones or peer-pressure (or both) were wreaking havoc on us. My hair was straightened for four years. Almost daily.

Then I had it layered AND I had to keep straightening it, because in my high school, layered hair and straight hair were in.

I also have very scant memories of triangle hair in middle school. Thankfully, it was when we were too young for people to care about it.

divinedobbie
May 29th, 2014, 04:34 PM
A lot of my thoughts have already been voiced but I do want to say this much. All my life, every single person I know has wanted thick hair. I don't think it is a LHC phenomenon. Since I was a kid, my family and friends and even their parents, boyfriends, hairdressers, etc told me that my hair is fine and thin. They praised other girls with thick hair. I grew up with a skewed mentality, especially with a mother who constantly complained about her thin hair. Then I found LHC and found out that at 2.5", my hair is average. It's on the thinner side of average, but it's still average. LHC actually had a really good and powerful influence on me and I no longer really worry about my hair being thin. Yes there are days when I do wish that my hair was an inch or even half an inch thicker but it's no longer something that makes me feel bad about myself. There's two sides to every story.

lapushka
May 29th, 2014, 04:44 PM
A lot of my thoughts have already been voiced but I do want to say this much. All my life, every single person I know has wanted thick hair. I don't think it is a LHC phenomenon. Since I was a kid, my family and friends and even their parents, boyfriends, hairdressers, etc told me that my hair is fine and thin. They praised other girls with thick hair. I grew up with a skewed mentality, especially with a mother who constantly complained about her thin hair. Then I found LHC and found out that at 2.5", my hair is average. It's on the thinner side of average, but it's still average. LHC actually had a really good and powerful influence on me and I no longer really worry about my hair being thin. Yes there are days when I do wish that my hair was an inch or even half an inch thicker but it's no longer something that makes me feel bad about myself. There's two sides to every story.


Exactly. Everybody deserves the same kind of attention! Because thicker hair isn't "better" hair! ii is *normal*, perfectly normal. And i is thin and equally as beautiful.

queenovnight
May 29th, 2014, 05:14 PM
Yep. Definitely felt this way.. like, daily Lol. I desperately want wavy hair. When I have my hair curly, I just feel unattractive and sad. But alas, I was born this way. I wasn't meant to have glorious wavy locks -.-

JadedByEntropy
May 29th, 2014, 11:26 PM
I also wish I could have a tiny waist and a flat stomach, but alas, that's a far off pipe dream in and of itself :p

AGREED

:horse: The thing I'd want is normally thick ii hair that's straighter,:slap: but I add waves and fluff because only some people can get this almost-80s hair without backcombing. I don't like it, but people do, and its all i got. :magic: you have to learn to love the qualities others see sometimes, especially if you see none in yourself.

ErinLeigh
May 30th, 2014, 02:04 AM
I love how you girls make me see the other side!

ErinLeigh , you are right i have other things on my mind that i probably trying to forget by focusing on my hair. But right now the hair is easier than the real life staff :) And thank you for you compliment, it is sweet of you to say so <3

I do the same thing for the same reason. Hair is an escape. I can focus on that and stress about it because deep down its a "safe" stress, unlike the real issues. I tend to have anxiety so I would rather focus and stress on things that don't truly scare me if that makes sense. It's a coping mechanism I have so I don't obsess about my real problems. I totally get it. I safely started obsessing about condition since that was the only thing I could control.

My secret wish though would be naturally lighter colored hair. I hate having to lighten so many levels so I always fantasize about how great it would be to have blond to light brown hair. I do also wish my hair was a little thicker just so I didn't have to fear thinning hair when I age (eek what will left) but I like having fine/ to thin/normal hair and always have. I enjoy the lightness of it. My hair feels weightless and I just love that feeling since I am prone to migraines. I wish I had thicker sometimes so there is "hair to spare" in the event of a shed or something.
Just another irrational obsession of mine I am sure.

two_wheels
May 30th, 2014, 04:30 AM
i/ii/iii is not a score, it's a fact. Unless your hair has been seriously mistreated, it's not something you can change. I do feel we treat it like a score here, sometimes.

I can see why chen bao jun and lapushka find it too personal for this very reason. I imagine it's like having a certain body shape that is perceived as being desirable but actually can be inconvenient. Having things like this pointed out constantly is quite reductive and overwhelming.

lapushka
May 30th, 2014, 06:35 AM
i/ii/iii is not a score, it's a fact. Unless your hair has been seriously mistreated, it's not something you can change. I do feel we treat it like a score here, sometimes.

I can see why chen bao jun and lapushka find it too personal for this very reason. I imagine it's like having a certain body shape that is perceived as being desirable but actually can be inconvenient. Having things like this pointed out constantly is quite reductive and overwhelming.

Yes, I do feel as if it's treated (not what I'm saying): "yuk thin, *damn* only ii, yaaay iii" and nothing else matters. Why is thin hair treated as pitiful, anyway? It's a hairtype worthy of attention like any other. My mom is i bordering on ii and I am iii, and still we manage to get along without envy. Shocker. I like her thin hair, it's gorgeous in its own right.

If you happen to have iii hair and an entire community jumps on you, drooling, (so to speak) it can be overwhelming.

Monsoonu
May 30th, 2014, 06:51 AM
I wish my hair would even hold a curl or wave longer than 5 mins, I see pictures of even ladies on here with beautiful waves and loose curls and turn green with envy.

However by hair is poker straight and know there are people who would kill to have hair as straight as mine without using heat.

chen bao jun
May 30th, 2014, 07:31 AM
I don't feel overwhelmed by LHC's fondness for thick hair. I have been startled but affirmed by the community's feeling that thicker hair is better. It makes me feel (for the first time in my life) that my thick hair is 'okay' and even desirable. However, I feel sad that this seems to be at the cost of so many others suddenly feeling that their hair is NOT desirable once they come to this forum. Having gone through this all my life, I don't like to see anybody in the position where they don't like something about themselves, especially not to the point of obsession. I guess I just don't want anybody to think that just one thing is 'better' and I think that's what Lapushka has been trying to get across too.
It will never be that everyone gets the same attention, its not a perfect world like that, but at least people inside themselves should not be made to feel deficient. And honestly, probably because I have always been a super-thickie, I do love thin, light, floaty, ethereal hair.
I also think some are not getting the point that we have been trying to make--which is that people on both sides of the spectrum get attacked. It can be hard to understand as someone with thin hair who has always been told that thicker hair is better that there is a point at which society considers hair to be TOO thick--but it really is true. That bothered me more than the inconveniences of dealing with thick hair--the rudeness and actual abuse about it.
Like if you are a 4 ft 10 woman, it might be hard to empathize with the troubles of a 6 ft. 2 woman--but they are real, nonetheless. What's happening on this board though, is like at the 5 ft 4 through 5 ft 7 women have suddenly decided that they 'need' to be 6 ft.2 and are acting as if they are 4 ft. 10.
No offense is meant to anyone by the height analogy--I do not think there is anything wrong with any height and actually do have friends both 4 ft. 10 and 6 ft 2 who are beautiful women (though they have stress about it).

two_wheels
May 30th, 2014, 07:45 AM
Ah, I see what you mean- sorry to put words into your mouth :blossom:

The height comparison is good as it's similarly immutable. I think nobody wins from assigning good/bad to extremes of a spectrum like this.

I am glad that LHC has made you feel better about the way you are. It has definitely made me feel better about my medium-everything hair (colour, thickness, waviness) which I always thought was too boring and needed fixing.

StellaKatherine
May 30th, 2014, 08:10 AM
it is like i've opened a Pandora Box :) In a way i've been fighting with stardard body size whole my life. I hate that fashion magazines have only super thin ladies, but at same time i hate that trend where they put photos of a skinny girl next to curvy girl and talk bad about skinny girl. I am againts the body discrimination, fatshaming/ skinny shaming all the sort. Every woman, every man are real and unique. I just realized that same thing comes to our hair. Why should some particular hairtype even be considered the best, the more beautiful ? I am actually now happy about starting this post as it really made me think! Every single hair type is beautiful and unique like the person who is caring it! Every single one must be appreciated, loved and taked care off!

Yesterday i found out that i actually have a waves in my hair , WOW!!! And for the first time in a very long like i finger combed my hair loving every strand as they are mine! If i can accept my looks, my weight ... then my hair deserves to be accepted like it is as well!!! I just hope I can keep this state of mind for a long time :D

neko_kawaii
May 30th, 2014, 08:21 AM
Like others have said, the trick is in finding pleasure in what you have. I love that my 3 inches drys in one hour. Some people may have double braids that are thicker than my single braid, but I wouldn't take their drying time for more dramatic lace braids. Doesn't mean I don't admire thicker hair, but admiration is not the same as desire. Those who feel overwhelmed by admiration should keep that in mind. I feel the same way about curls. Curls are amazing! I love looking at them, but I do not have the patience required to take care of them, let alone my own 2a waves.

eadwine
May 30th, 2014, 08:46 AM
Let's replace i ii and iii with A cup, B/C cup and DD cup.

DD is better! Heck no.. my poor back!!


But you can see where the personal comes in when you do that :)

StellaKatherine
May 30th, 2014, 08:50 AM
Let's replace i ii and iii with A cup, B/C cup and DD cup.

DD is better! Heck no.. my poor back!!


But you can see where the personal comes in when you do that :)

Actually... i have a DD cup and no way my back hurts :P I could lecture about the perseption of the cup sizes, but it would not belong to this subject hehe But i understand your idea :D

florenonite
May 30th, 2014, 09:35 AM
I don't feel overwhelmed by LHC's fondness for thick hair. I have been startled but affirmed by the community's feeling that thicker hair is better. It makes me feel (for the first time in my life) that my thick hair is 'okay' and even desirable. However, I feel sad that this seems to be at the cost of so many others suddenly feeling that their hair is NOT desirable once they come to this forum. Having gone through this all my life, I don't like to see anybody in the position where they don't like something about themselves, especially not to the point of obsession. I guess I just don't want anybody to think that just one thing is 'better' and I think that's what Lapushka has been trying to get across too.
It will never be that everyone gets the same attention, its not a perfect world like that, but at least people inside themselves should not be made to feel deficient. And honestly, probably because I have always been a super-thickie, I do love thin, light, floaty, ethereal hair.
I also think some are not getting the point that we have been trying to make--which is that people on both sides of the spectrum get attacked. It can be hard to understand as someone with thin hair who has always been told that thicker hair is better that there is a point at which society considers hair to be TOO thick--but it really is true. That bothered me more than the inconveniences of dealing with thick hair--the rudeness and actual abuse about it.
Like if you are a 4 ft 10 woman, it might be hard to empathize with the troubles of a 6 ft. 2 woman--but they are real, nonetheless. What's happening on this board though, is like at the 5 ft 4 through 5 ft 7 women have suddenly decided that they 'need' to be 6 ft.2 and are acting as if they are 4 ft. 10.
No offense is meant to anyone by the height analogy--I do not think there is anything wrong with any height and actually do have friends both 4 ft. 10 and 6 ft 2 who are beautiful women (though they have stress about it).

And then the woman who's 4'10" sees all these 5'4" women angsting about being short, and it makes her feel like there's something really wrong with her. I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, StellaKatherine, but I have seen threads like this before where women with ii hair feel inadequate about it, and then someone with i hair comes in feeling distraught because if ii hair is unacceptably thin, where's the hope for hers? Just something to bear in mind :)

StellaKatherine
May 30th, 2014, 09:41 AM
And then the woman who's 4'10" sees all these 5'4" women angsting about being short, and it makes her feel like there's something really wrong with her. I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, StellaKatherine, but I have seen threads like this before where women with ii hair feel inadequate about it, and then someone with i hair comes in feeling distraught because if ii hair is unacceptably thin, where's the hope for hers? Just something to bear in mind :)

You know what ? This is exactly what i started to think about after posting. There are those who really have trouble with having very few of the hair eather genetically, illness, stress and all the other issues. Me writing that i want MORE could be like a slap over the face :( Definitely not something i wanted or want anyone feel.

StellaKatherine
May 30th, 2014, 09:43 AM
Florenonite, Btw, i am 5'8 and you would think i am not very short , but when i was a teenager and in my early 20s i was couple of times told that i could model if i would be slightly taller. So with my hight i left feeling like slightly too short lol

Loviatar
May 30th, 2014, 10:57 AM
I have a question, no not a question, more an observation.

If a member has thick hair, she can choose to get it professionally thinned out if she doesn't like it being that thick. (I realise this can cause as many issues as layers do, but bear with me.) She then posts a photo of her hair in an updo or loose or whatever on LHC and people comment. You might get the odd person saying "layers aren't for me" or whatever, but I doubt she'd come in for much criticism.

A fine haired, thin haired member buys a paranda made from hair, or a rat, or has extensions. She posts photos. (ETA: I do not mean coloured wool parandas where you can clearly tell it is a woven-in piece.)

Scenario One: If she is ashamed of having thin hair (I too believe that LHC as a whole believes "the thicker the better", and my RL friends do too) then she does not mention the paranda, rat, or extensions. But someone notices the glue or clips and calls her out on it. The thread deteriorates into accusations of cheating and it not being real hair. Scenario Two: she does mention that it is a paranda, rat, or extensions. But the thread doesn't get as many positive comments as it would if it were her 'own' hair.

I have seen a thread a few years back where this community ripped apart a girl who posted hair photos, because they believed she was wearing inserts/extensions. If the members hair had been 'home grown' the thread would have been very different.

I'm a III finey, who knows how to take care of seriously thick hair (5-6" circ) due to a close friend having this attribute. I'd trade my regular III for her super thick III any day even knowing that if she cuts past shoulder it goes triangle crazy, and knowing the weight of it. But equally i'd trade my big bum for her small one, and another friend would trade her own boobs for mine. It happens a lot.

two_wheels
May 30th, 2014, 11:04 AM
That's an interesting thought experiment, Loviatar. I am not sure what I think. To be honest there is something I find uncomfortable about extensions compared to thinning out of thick hair, but I am not sure what it is. I hope I wouldn't join in with the tearing apart, though. Going to ponder that one.

StellaKatherine
May 30th, 2014, 11:12 AM
About extentions. I have lately very weird thing happening. People come to me ( cooworkers, friends , some family ) and say, that WHEN i cut my hair they WANT my hair for hairextentions lol Totally weird :rolleyes: I do not feel strongly about extentions, my sisters do weraiar them sometimes to make a certain look and they look lovely. Loviatar i hope to never see anyone teared apart in such a way! I've seen this happening in a different situations on a different forums and that isn't pretty :(

Sharysa
May 30th, 2014, 11:14 AM
Not to steer this thread further off on its tangent than it already is, but whenever I tell people about my weight and forget to tell them my height, everyone's ALWAYS gushing about how I'm only 110-120 pounds. And then when I realize what a can of worms I've opened and tell them that I'm five feet tall, suddenly everyone goes "holy crap so tiny, never mind."

I can't reach the high shelves, it takes me about two or three months to show muscle, and any sort of blood test/needle-sticking SUCKS because it takes about ten minutes to find a vein. Thank god I'm not afraid of needles. XD

To bring it back to the main topic of wanting different hair, I always wanted SOME sort of lighter hair when I was younger. To Teenaged-Me, black hair was boring because I live in the minority-heavy San Francisco Bay Area and the vast majority of people had black or brown hair. I knew that trying to get highlights like everyone else was an uphill battle at best, so it was especially boring for me since I didn't have the coveted blue-black shade that's the Asian ideal.

And now that I'm in college, everyone loves my hair. I like my hair as well, but about three-fourths of the hairstyles I see anywhere are completely pointless on me, so I'm restricted to the hairstyles I know will work (braids and half-ups) or trying to adapt new ones to be visible on black hair.

StellaKatherine
May 30th, 2014, 11:39 AM
Sharysa my mom has a really deep brown hair, like not yet black but very close and i always thought it was looking amazing. Hers has little red sparks when on sunlight. As a child i thought that sun loved my mom's hair so much that sended kisses to her :D

Sharysa
May 30th, 2014, 12:03 PM
That's adorable! :D

chen bao jun
May 30th, 2014, 06:30 PM
Well, this is not quite true, actually, Loviatar. There was a thread recently in which members were discussing using parandas, but made of fake hair, to make their buns bigger and no one had a thing negative to say. Nobody was lying and pretending it was their own hair though. I think the issue with the person years ago may have been 'full disclosure'. If the person was pretending that it was all their own hair and not mentioning the use of extensions, yeah, the group as a whole would get upset. Because the point of this group is how to grow hair. If people see members with very different hair after being on here a while, but its just simply that they are putting extensions in, there's very different from encouraging people that they CAN grow their own hair. It's then just a matter of what extensions to buy, so yeah, people would come down on that.

It's a matter of something being fake vs. being real. You didn't mention the most usual scenario. Person with thin hair comes on LHC and sees many photos of beautiful, natural thin and fine hair. there is even a whole thread devoted to just to that, as well as many well loved and admired members posting their beautiful thin hair all the time. The newbie is then encouraged that her own hair can be beautiful and starts learning how to grow her own hair long, take care of it and make gorgeous buns with it which are admired (there are also threads on here such as 'post your tiny buns' with have a lot of posts).
So its not really a situation on here where a person has only the two choices of having naturally thick hair and being admired or faking thick hair because that's the only thing people on LHC admire.
People on LHC would not be calling out the thick haired member who got her hair thinned and/or got layers, because she would have done nothing fake. You are not really comparing apples to apples in your analogy, because adding something fake (and then not mentioning it on a place dedicated to improving your natural hair, which is lying) is just not the same as getting your hair thinned.
And you might look up threads about having had hair thinned. There is not a lot of satisfaction with this process. Many with thick hair do get layers for lightness--but many with thin hair get layers, too. Actual thinning though has a lot of issues with it--however, you cannot say that it is a process which involves deception that goes against the purpose of the whole forum.
P.S. Looking up the threads where people have admitted to getting fake hair (which people on here do), especially extensions, what I see happening is not that people are nasty about their extensions or calling them out for being fake (if they were honest)--what I see are warnings about the dangers of extensions and how they will actually make your thin hair even thinner. Many have come to LHC AFTER trying the extensions route and facing this issue.


I have a question, no not a question, more an observation.

If a member has thick hair, she can choose to get it professionally thinned out if she doesn't like it being that thick. (I realise this can cause as many issues as layers do, but bear with me.) She then posts a photo of her hair in an updo or loose or whatever on LHC and people comment. You might get the odd person saying "layers aren't for me" or whatever, but I doubt she'd come in for much criticism.

A fine haired, thin haired member buys a paranda made from hair, or a rat, or has extensions. She posts photos. (ETA: I do not mean coloured wool parandas where you can clearly tell it is a woven-in piece.)

Scenario One: If she is ashamed of having thin hair (I too believe that LHC as a whole believes "the thicker the better", and my RL friends do too) then she does not mention the paranda, rat, or extensions. But someone notices the glue or clips and calls her out on it. The thread deteriorates into accusations of cheating and it not being real hair. Scenario Two: she does mention that it is a paranda, rat, or extensions. But the thread doesn't get as many positive comments as it would if it were her 'own' hair.

I have seen a thread a few years back where this community ripped apart a girl who posted hair photos, because they believed she was wearing inserts/extensions. If the members hair had been 'home grown' the thread would have been very different.

I'm a III finey, who knows how to take care of seriously thick hair (5-6" circ) due to a close friend having this attribute. I'd trade my regular III for her super thick III any day even knowing that if she cuts past shoulder it goes triangle crazy, and knowing the weight of it. But equally i'd trade my big bum for her small one, and another friend would trade her own boobs for mine. It happens a lot.

LauraLongLocks
May 30th, 2014, 08:01 PM
it is like i've opened a Pandora Box :) In a way i've been fighting with stardard body size whole my life. I hate that fashion magazines have only super thin ladies, but at same time i hate that trend where they put photos of a skinny girl next to curvy girl and talk bad about skinny girl. I am againts the body discrimination, fatshaming/ skinny shaming all the sort. Every woman, every man are real and unique. I just realized that same thing comes to our hair. Why should some particular hairtype even be considered the best, the more beautiful ? I am actually now happy about starting this post as it really made me think! Every single hair type is beautiful and unique like the person who is caring it! Every single one must be appreciated, loved and taked care off!

Yesterday i found out that i actually have a waves in my hair , WOW!!! And for the first time in a very long like i finger combed my hair loving every strand as they are mine! If i can accept my looks, my weight ... then my hair deserves to be accepted like it is as well!!! I just hope I can keep this state of mind for a long time :D

Having been the skinny girl for most of my life, I have always resented these photos where they bash the skinny one for not having curves (with captions that say, "Which one is more beautiful/womanly?). If I put on more weight (which I have since reaching my 30s... about 5-10 lbs more than when I was in my 20s) it doesn't go to my boobs and hips and make me look like I have a better hourglass figure. Nope, it goes straight to my middle and I am an apple shape. It doesn't look GOOD on me to carry more weight. Having the figure I have doesn't bother me one bit, and knowing I can't put extra weight on and have it look good is just fine with me. I'm okay with being who I am, and I like my figure. I just hate when my body shape/size is criticized as being too skinny/small/bony (though I don't get the bony one too much anymore since putting on a few extra pounds in my 30s).

As for hair thickness, my mom is an i and I was on the thinner side of ii until I began taking better care of my hair and now I'm about 7.5 cm circumference, which is smack dab in the middle of average. I always loved thick hair because Mom always complained about her thin hair and always pointed out how inadequate it was. I thought my hair type was just like hers and so I picked up on that attitude and though mine was inadequate, too. Maybe as a child mine WAS thinner, and Mom said it was and I thought my hair was just thin and not very nice because of it. It's not until I got here to LHC and listened to some of the thicker haired ladies talk about the downsides of having super thick hair that I realized how grateful I should be for my own hair type. It's perfectly wonderful (and so is thick hair, but for different reasons)! And I've been trying to tell my mom the same thing. One of my daughters has thin hair like Grandma's and my mom actually apologized to that daughter for passing on the genetics for that type of hair. I wish she hadn't done that because my daughter already knows her hair is much thinner than her sisters' and mine, and it only reinforced the feelings of inadequacy. My other daughters go on about how their hair is thicker than their sister's and I am sure it bothers her. I try to put a stop to it, but I'm not able to undo the damage already done, and I'm not always in hearing range of everything they say to one another. I love her thin hair. I love my mom's thin hair. I think every hair type is beautiful.

Today while I was shopping I saw a natural afro, shoulder length, that was just amazing. I should have stopped her and told her how beautiful it was, but was short on time and the store was super crowded. Every hair type is beautiful.

chen bao jun
May 30th, 2014, 08:49 PM
Laura LL in that photo in the red dress in your siggy, your figure looks just fine.
Sharysa, my grandmother was very petite like you, I always thought that was a lovely sort of look. she had 6 healthy kids, lived to 92 years old and never weighed more than about 100 lbs in her life--well perhaps a little bit more when pregnant. she's the one who had the two plaits each as thick as a fist, that she could 'sit on'.
I have an unusual figure, I got a book on how to dress when I was around 30 years and learned how to emphasize what I want to and to de-emphasize what I want to. And I learned how to sew. I really do think half of the problem of american women hating their bodies is that clothes fit no one properly. Clothes that don't fit really emphasize any so-called 'figure flaw' and also make you look like you have problems when you actually don't. My mother is always saying that where she was born, you went to the dressmaker and she fit your clothes to flatter you. so you only had one or two dresses, but they looked nice. While in America, the women buy the clothes off the rack by a size #, and you don't have a hope of getting into them unless you are exactly 5 ft 6 and your waist is exactly 10 inches smaller than your bust, and your hips are exactly 2 inches larger than your bust, no matter what size they say they are, and everybody knows the clothes don't look quite right (even with all the lycra that they now use to cut corners, instead of using darts and pleats and so forth), so they all think they need to lose ten pounds, the American solution to absolutely everything.

LauraLongLocks
May 30th, 2014, 10:25 PM
Laura LL in that photo in the red dress in your siggy, your figure looks just fine.


Thank you. I think that was my point. I look fine just the way I am, even though I've been a "skinny" girl my whole life. (Just not as skinny as I used to be... te he he)

ErinLeigh
May 31st, 2014, 03:42 AM
This thread has taken an interesting turn I must say. I guess I just don't see the problem with having a fantasy preference..even if it is one shared by a larger percent of the population. I see it being no different than wishing your hair was straighter, wavier, less frizzy, darker, blonder or shinier. It surprises me such strong feelings are stirred by the mention of such a particular preference.
I would think it would be one thing to tell OP some pitfalls of the other side so she can gain a little perspective..but seeing her apologize leads me to feel she felt somewhat shamed for expressing desire and for that I am uncomfortable.

Marika
May 31st, 2014, 04:33 AM
I agree with Erin.

StellaKatherine said she would like to have thicker hair (not even thick as possible) and it leads to this!? I'm getting scared to write especially in a foreign language if every word is scrutinized (even misunderstood?) like this.

I like my hair but I still wish it was thicker, longer, stronger and naturally flaming red without any taper ever. Not going to apologize for that.

two_wheels
May 31st, 2014, 04:48 AM
I don't see it as OP bashing, more that the conversation turned towards examining a general attitude of some of our community to praising thickness and feeling bad if hair is thin. In fact, in light of that discussion the OP's concern is totally understandable.

Of course everyone can prefer whatever aesthetic they want, but when lots of people are praising the same thing over and over, an aspect you don't have much control over- I find that a recipe for disappointment.

eadwine
May 31st, 2014, 05:18 AM
chen bao jun: just pointing out that Loviatar has been here quite a while longer than you have been. It might be a situation much older and thus different from the one you are using as an example ;)

skyblue
May 31st, 2014, 05:27 AM
I didn't read the whole thread but looking at your avi that half up braid looks bigger then my braid using all of my hair and the bun under it looks awesome your hem line looks good and solid in your siggy I think your have gorgeous hair, be happy with your hair and its thickness, cause there are those of us who would love to have your thickness lol! Don't worry over things that are beyond your control just be happy with that gorgeous head of hair hon

florenonite
May 31st, 2014, 06:53 AM
It's a matter of something being fake vs. being real. You didn't mention the most usual scenario. Person with thin hair comes on LHC and sees many photos of beautiful, natural thin and fine hair. there is even a whole thread devoted to just to that, as well as many well loved and admired members posting their beautiful thin hair all the time. The newbie is then encouraged that her own hair can be beautiful and starts learning how to grow her own hair long, take care of it and make gorgeous buns with it which are admired (there are also threads on here such as 'post your tiny buns' with have a lot of posts).
So its not really a situation on here where a person has only the two choices of having naturally thick hair and being admired or faking thick hair because that's the only thing people on LHC admire.
People on LHC would not be calling out the thick haired member who got her hair thinned and/or got layers, because she would have done nothing fake. You are not really comparing apples to apples in your analogy, because adding something fake (and then not mentioning it on a place dedicated to improving your natural hair, which is lying) is just not the same as getting your hair thinned.


I would disagree. In both cases - thinning or extensions - a person is changing their natural hair. One isn't more fake than the other.

I don't think either is a bad thing, unless you're deliberately trying to pass it off as the way the hair grows out of your head. But I do think Loviatar's onto something that if you make a modification that makes your hair 'less desirable', and you're not open about that modification, it's okay, but if you make a modification that makes it 'more desirable', you must share or you'll be seen as 'fake' or a 'cheater'.

StellaKatherine
May 31st, 2014, 07:00 AM
This thread has taken an interesting turn I must say. I guess I just don't see the problem with having a fantasy preference..even if it is one shared by a larger percent of the population. I see it being no different than wishing your hair was straighter, wavier, less frizzy, darker, blonder or shinier. It surprises me such strong feelings are stirred by the mention of such a particular preference.
I would think it would be one thing to tell OP some pitfalls of the other side so she can gain a little perspective..but seeing her apologize leads me to feel she felt somewhat shamed for expressing desire and for that I am uncomfortable.

I am little too sensitive and emotional myself. Take everything little too much to my heart and would never EVER want to be the one giving anyone bad feelings or the worst - hurt. This sometimes results in me reacting little too much :)

StellaKatherine
May 31st, 2014, 07:01 AM
I agree with Erin.

StellaKatherine said she would like to have thicker hair (not even thick as possible) and it leads to this!? I'm getting scared to write especially in a foreign language if every word is scrutinized (even misunderstood?) like this.

I like my hair but I still wish it was thicker, longer, stronger and naturally flaming red without any taper ever. Not going to apologize for that.

It is hard to write on a foreign language isn't it ? Especially when trying to write about how you are feeling. Sometimes feelings are hard to write even when on mother language :)

StellaKatherine
May 31st, 2014, 07:05 AM
I didn't read the whole thread but looking at your avi that half up braid looks bigger then my braid using all of my hair and the bun under it looks awesome your hem line looks good and solid in your siggy I think your have gorgeous hair, be happy with your hair and its thickness, cause there are those of us who would love to have your thickness lol! Don't worry over things that are beyond your control just be happy with that gorgeous head of hair hon

Awww, thank you for your kidness :heart: I promised myself to love my hair more :)

Loviatar
May 31st, 2014, 07:15 AM
chen bao jun: just pointing out that Loviatar has been here quite a while longer than you have been. It might be a situation much older and thus different from the one you are using as an example ;)

Thanks Eadwine. Yes, it was when I was a much newer member, maybe only in my first couple of years here? I was quite surprised by it, in the same way I was surprised when a lady with rainbow hair was discussed in a similar negative way.

Chen I will have to go look up the paranda thread you mentioned, thanks.

chen bao jun
May 31st, 2014, 10:28 AM
Well, maybe I am wrong. I am in fact a member of only two years. I hope I did not come across as disrespecting Loviatar. I was only saying that's not what I have seen, and I am certainly open to correction.
I do hope the OP didn't feel shamed.
It's just a discussion and we have different opinions (most likely as in all discussions), opinions that are heavily influenced by our personal experiences.
Florenonite, I think we are in agreement that the problem is when the person is lying, more than that they are modifying their hair. I do think this is important on a forum where the point is teach people to grow their own hair. But (in my limited experience), I have thought there was room here for people modifying in both directions, so long as they were honest. Besides the recent paranda threads (on using human hair as parandas) there are also threads on saving hair to use as 'rats' to plump up buns, many people using sock buns etc. etc. Maybe you are right that thinning your hair is a modification just as much as putting in extensions (I would never thin my own hair, for the record, not that it really works anyway, or not for very long). I am quite willing to grant that. However, layering hair? Is that so different from a regular haircut? And people with both thick and thin hair do that--in fact, I'd almost say that that's the norm.

Beborani
May 31st, 2014, 11:08 AM
Stella nothing wrong in wishing you had inherited your mother's thick hair-- we all wish we had inherited xyz traits of our family. As for objectification no one objected to the thread about stealing hair.

fiğrildi
May 31st, 2014, 01:49 PM
Do you ever feel wanting something so bad that the feeling with you every single day ?

I don't remember when this happend for the first time. I was enjoying my hair as it was untill couple of years ago. My hair grows fast, grows long but it isn't very thick. My mom has double the hair that i have... And here it goes. Everytime i make a braid, make a bun i have this feeling of wanting , needing desperately a thicker hair. I know i have what i have and i should be happy... but i can't, i just want... Everytime i see a girl with a thick braid and i cant stop staring and admire it and hope i would have it. My husband saying i should be happy as thicker braid would feel heavy, but i can't help it :( This is stupid, but i want so badly :(

StellaKatherine, I wonder if you have ever tried Cassia? It would give you volume and thicker-appearance if done once a month or so. I've got fine hair, and similar thickness than you (when it's not frizzy), and cassia gives me crazy volume. It looks like I have the double amount of my real hair :eyebrows:
So, maybe it could be an interesting option for you. Double interesting if you want its extra-brightness and healthy properties! It might last for a short time though, but hopefully will help and make your wish come true for some days ;)

StellaKatherine
May 31st, 2014, 02:03 PM
StellaKatherine, I wonder if you have ever tried Cassia? It would give you volume and thicker-appearance if done once a month or so. I've got fine hair, and similar thickness than you (when it's not frizzy), and cassia gives me crazy volume. It looks like I have the double amount of my real hair :eyebrows:
So, maybe it could be an interesting option for you. Double interesting if you want its extra-brightness and healthy properties! It might last for a short time though, but hopefully will help and make your wish come true for some days ;)

Hmm i never try that one. I shall read more about it. My hair naturally goes "wild" when open , especially after been washed and looks thick. It is the braid which sometimes makes me desire for more thickness ( i am braid addicted ).So far i decided i will try my best to get my hair in a best shape it can be. I lost some hair from using bad brush and shorts hair of 2-5 cm long all over the head. I am guessing i could get some more thickness when they grow up and hopefully won't do this brush mistake ever again!

florenonite
May 31st, 2014, 03:05 PM
Maybe you are right that thinning your hair is a modification just as much as putting in extensions (I would never thin my own hair, for the record, not that it really works anyway, or not for very long). I am quite willing to grant that. However, layering hair? Is that so different from a regular haircut? And people with both thick and thin hair do that--in fact, I'd almost say that that's the norm.

I'd argue that that, too, is modification of one's natural hair. Anything other than non-damage-induced fairytale ends is. And there's nothing wrong with any of it. That's pretty much my point; there are a lot of modifications we make to our hair - almost everyone on this forum has done at least one of them - and the only time anyone thinks twice about it is if you're doing it to make your hair appear thicker. Even the recent thread on hairy parandi was asking if it was acceptable; have you ever seen a thread wondering if it's cheating to get layers?

CousinItt
May 31st, 2014, 03:48 PM
We all crave things we don't have from time to time. I think it's pretty normal, and I think we can all understand the feeling. The trouble comes only if you are unable to accept that you can't have it.

Loviatar
May 31st, 2014, 05:39 PM
I didn't feel disrespected by your comments at all, Chen :flower:

Silverbrumby
June 1st, 2014, 10:18 PM
Do you ever feel wanting something so bad that the feeling with you every single day ?

I don't remember when this happend for the first time. I was enjoying my hair as it was untill couple of years ago. My hair grows fast, grows long but it isn't very thick. My mom has double the hair that i have... And here it goes. Everytime i make a braid, make a bun i have this feeling of wanting , needing desperately a thicker hair. I know i have what i have and i should be happy... but i can't, i just want... Everytime i see a girl with a thick braid and i cant stop staring and admire it and hope i would have it. My husband saying i should be happy as thicker braid would feel heavy, but i can't help it :( This is stupid, but i want so badly :(


I feel the same way and have to keep readjusting my thinking so I don't get sad about not being able to grow my hair to waist with virgin well taken care of hair that has had over eight inches cut off to thicken the hemline past bsl but it hasn't changed it at all these past three years. Bsl seems to be it with a few, less than 300 or so, hairs that make it past that.

i count my blessings where I have them. I think it's hard to not hyper focus on what you wish you had.