View Full Version : Lots of whining

May 23rd, 2014, 01:40 PM
I don't know why I feel like whining about my hair. It is healthy, the ends feel pretty decent, and it's long by most opinions. But the face-framing bits are not magically all grown out over night, and my bangs are totally messed up from my accidental whack job (and they don't seem to have grown at all since the day they were cut). And why is it that I have had two months this year where I only grew 1/4th of an inch? That's a rip-off, I tell ya! It doesn't feel any longer to me than it did 6 months ago, even though the pictures and measurements say otherwise. It has grown, but just not at a phenomenal rate. I can't ponytail it and wrap it all the way around my head yet, and it doesn't reach my navel in front yet. It's just not LONG enough yet. And why, when I am complaining about it not growing fast enough, am I reading all the lovely accounts of the merits of microtrimming? I am doing a no-trim year for 2014, right? I don't know, when bunzfan trimmed her hair and it looked so awesome afterwards, it makes me want to cut mine, too.

There's more going on here than stuff with my hair, for sure.

I'm feeling the same impatience with my running. I want to be a faster runner, but I don't want to train. I want to lose 5-10 lbs, but I don't want to give up the large portion sizes. I also want to be pregnant, but don't necessarily want another child to be here. I don't know how that makes any sense at all. I'm relieved that the public school year is winding down because it means I no longer have to drive my homeschooling teenage son to his religion class that our church offers during the school year. That has been a daily grind for me. Of course, the kids still have swim team practice every day, and I am the taxi driver for that. I am so far behind on laundry because one of my washers is broken (the new one... the drain pump is broken on it) and the part won't be in until the end of the month. I want to eat nice healthy meals, but don't want to menu plan or pull out frozen meat in time to have it thawed for a meal. What the heck is wrong with me? I can get my hair and make up all done up nice, but no one ever sees it because I am a stay at home mom. I got my toenails done yesterday because a friend is going to school to be a nail technician and I had her give me a pedicure. I don't even care that my toenails are pretty because no one will ever see them. I think I need a month in my pajamas. Yes, that's what I need: pajamas, chocolate, Doritos, and no outside commitments for a month. Then I can jump back into my life again, full-speed. And the hair? Does it even matter? Nothing I have tried has made my growth rate faster, aside from eating lots of protein. Gosh, this is a lot of random rambling about I don't know what. Burnout maybe?

I think it's lack of down-time. The list of stuff I need to do, or should be doing is endless. So I'm checking out a lot of the time because I'm overwhelmed. What does it have to do with my hair? I have no idea. Maybe this wasn't even about my hair. I'm pretty sure it wasn't, lol! But seriously, why can't it grow faster than it does?

May 23rd, 2014, 02:02 PM
That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Growth can be erratic. It seems to have a mind of its own. You sound like you need a vacation, really. Really, just putting your hair up and forgetting about it for a few weeks, no measuring, no peering into the mirror hoping for instantaneous growth. Sometimes I wished I could put my kids in a closet and forget about them for a while. Trust me, they will be grown and gone so fast that you won't know what hit you. I can only advise you to enjoy the hell out of them while you have them, and laundry is the last thing you need to worry about! Good nutrition doesn't have to mean tons of time in the kitchen. I'm vegan, so I don't know that I can help you there, but other members must have quick ideas for healthy meals.
I hope you feel better soon!:flower:

May 23rd, 2014, 02:41 PM
I have moments with my little brother where I could give him away. He tries to be man of the house and it doesn't go so well. Anyways putting your hair up and retiring your ruler are great. We used to have a thread or group about retiring your ruler back when I first started, but after the big melt down afew years ago I can't find it.

May 23rd, 2014, 03:13 PM
In short? Hair will grow when it will grow... when it wants to, 'cause let me tell you, hair has a mind of its own. :lol: No but seriously, you can go through growth spurts, growth stalls, or pretty steady growth, all of that can happen at any given time.

This is the most important, IMO, of all you've written:

It has grown, but just not at a phenomenal rate.

Ah, to have the patience... ;) :D

And you're gonna have to have some patience, even though your hair might be a slow grower.

It's almost the end of the month. It is *hell* on a larger family to go without a washer. So I sympathize with you on that one. As far as sympathy goes for the slow growth, I have that too. :)

And it doesn't matter if nobody is around to see the pretty hairstyles (wait, we're here, right ;)), just do them for *you* - yes *you*. You're absolutely worth the time and effort.

May 23rd, 2014, 04:04 PM
Aw, it does sound like you need a vacation... Or maybe a date night at least? Get all prettied up and go out and forget about the laundry (either with your SO or with some girl friends). I know the feeling of having an endless to-do list... but maybe it would help to write it all out and prioritize the things that actually really truly need to get done and start there. :flower:

May 24th, 2014, 12:22 AM
I know how you feel about the hair! I feel like my hair has been about the same length for like 2 years. Ugh! What helped me to forget it more was to only measure and take a photo quarterly, so only 4 times a year. I've felt tempted to do so more often, but now that I don't even own a camera, I can't. So I've measured at Christmas and then at the end of March and was so happy to see there had actually been some growth during those three months. The next measure will be at the end of June, so I'm chilling until that. Also your ends probably don't need a trim, but if your peace of mind needs it, do it (using the two week rule, unless if it's just a dusting). Even though you are in a no trim challenge, it doesn't mean someone would judge you if you had a trim. You are who counts here and you are who gets to be the only judge for your hair (even though we all here think your hair is lovely of course).

I also understand your frustration with not being able to show off your hair and other things about your appearance that would make you feel good about yourself. I haven't gotten to show off any of my hairdos or pretty clothes or anything else either in like a year and a half. That's why I haven't even bothered to make any pretty hairdos. At work I've needed my hair to be up out of the way and flat against my head without any hairtoys so it would fit under a hardhat. My clothes have needed to be practical and the kind that doesn't matter if they get ripped, worn or mud all over them. I've felt like a total ugly duck at work and after work aswell, also weekends, because I haven't had any time or energy or a reason to do anything or go anywhere. I've lost a part of me that I liked while doing this.

What I think you need to do is set aside some time for yourself. Sometimes 15 minutes is enough, but I'd say atleast twice a month you need to have a good few hours where you can do anything you want. That's either being alone or out with friends so you can show yourself off, but you need it. Tell your kids you need some "mommy-alone-time" and I'm sure atleast your teenager(s) is old enough to look after the other kids for a while. If they need a meal during that time, pre-prepare (yes, that's a word... right?) something that they can serve and make themselves. Make it fun for them so that they can play cook (and hopefully also cleaner afterwards) for a while. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. If you can trust them with a stove, prepare a big batch of pancake batter for them. If you can't, then something as simple as different kinds of veggies and other things to dip could be fine. That is if your kids are willing to eat veggies.

Either way. Downtime is very much needed by the sounds of it. Try to make it happen. And if something that isn't absolutely needed doesn't get done because you are taking your time off, then don't sweat it. There's always tomorrow, and the next day and the next day...

May 24th, 2014, 12:48 AM
Oh, gosh, I hear you about the washing machine! It's bad enough if it's just two of you, but with all your kids... :eek:

Being a full-time mom to more than one kid is a super-demanding job, and no wonder you feel a little over-stretched sometimes! I think you're doing great fitting in your running and the occasional pedicure. :flower:

I agree, you need some responsibility-free pajama time. Could your extended family help you out with the kiddos so that maybe you and your hubby could have a stay-cation weekend for just the two of you?

Lapushka is certainly right about hair having a mind of its own. I went through a big stall last year (probably stress-related) and now my growth is finally picking back up. Yours will too!

May 24th, 2014, 12:53 AM
You need to spend some time out of the house with good company. Maybe you need to take up a new hobby, too... something to mix it up and be around other people!

May 24th, 2014, 01:45 AM
Yeah, it sounds like this isn't really about your lovely hair! :blossom: I've been going through something similar. Whenever I'm stressed (not always realizing it), exhausted or anxious just in general, I get more obsessed with my hair. I function perfectly fine in my everyday life but I fuss over my hair to dismantle stress in a way. Like it's my security blanket or something.

I agree with others. It sounds like you need some "me time" out of the house. I know it's not always that easy and simple with kids but if you manage to do that, it really pays off! :flower:

May 24th, 2014, 03:11 AM
I get this way when I am run down exhausted. Could you be feeling a little general burnout? For me, these feelings have to pass organically. NOTHING I do moves them along. Hopefully that is not the same for your.

I work alone and my bf is gone 16 days a month so i really never have an "excuse" or "need" to fix myself up lately. The one bright side is though my hair is getting a lot less manipulation, my skin is very clear from not wearing any makeup ever. These are the pluses of having "fumpy" time. Also, when I do finally fix up I feel amazing so that helps.
Only issue now is I am wasting time not losing weight while I am in hibernation mode. I should have lost these 10 extra lbs by now. I guess that needs to go on my ever long list. Heck I haven't even gotten to getting my Driver license renewed. I have een putting everything off lately. Total procrastination month. I always get like this in May right before true summer kicks in.

I relate to every word you wrote. It hit close to home to what is going on in my own world so I totally understand these feelings.
Hoping you have a really fun, upbeat, fulfilling, hair growing, energized, fast running summer!!!!!!!!

Wiggy Stardust
May 24th, 2014, 04:35 AM
It's normal to be impatient. I wish life worked like a movie montage - oh, a few scenes of me mid growth over a nice soundtrack and bam, we're in buisness. I kinda wish my book writing went the same way. Little by little, my book is getting written and my hair is growing. I think to myself... Geez, I wrote 3 pages today, that's pathetic. Similar to how I only grow 1/2 an inch here and there. And then I flip through my notebook at all the filled out spots... And I think... My, how things have come along.

May 24th, 2014, 06:23 AM
Oh boy (((hugs))) I just want to have a moment to commiserate with you as I'm also a stay-at-home mom who homeschools her children, so I very much understand the feelings you've expressed, and I only have three kids....you have just a few more than that ;) Taxi driver, teacher, wife, mother, basically running a household laundromat and restaurant...yikes! It's seriously demanding, and if you don't get *some* downtime for yourself, burnout happens. I feel like running out the door and down the road screaming at least once every spring :D Can you arrange a day off with a friend, or even better, by yourself? Sometimes my husband just knows I've had it up. to. here. and will take over for the day and off I go. He gets days off work...I should too :) As I'm leaving I often feel like "see ya!!! I'm outta here!" but then after a day to myself I come back with a rested spirit and open heart once again. It's like magic.

I don't think this is about your hair at all. But you're taking it out on your hair because it's the thing you do for yourself. Everything else is usually about the kids and the family, which is a wonderful calling you will never regret. But your hair, and the beautiful styles you do and the way you care for it and love it, is something for you. And therefore a reflection of how you're feeling I suppose. So when things get overwhelming in your life, I think it's natural for frustrations to begin to spill over into other things like how you look, or how your hair is behaving and growing. For me I begin to get very critical of my clothing and style and start to feel frumpy all the time. The other day I was in my robe when my husband left for work, and I realized when he came home I was *still* in my robe! I had just had a super busy, stressful day with complaining kids, math I couldn't figure out, a dog that threw up all over the carpet, and health trials some of my family is going through. I apologized to my husband for greeting him in the same bathrobe I was wearing when he left, but he just laughed it off. Couldn't have cared less. But the point is that it really wasn't about my robe LOL it was about how overwhelmed I was feeling and a bit disgusted at my extremely glamorous life :p

I think it's good that you're venting...everyone needs to do that once in awhile. Not only that, I think it's wise you're seeing it for what it is (overwhelmed) and not burying it because I think if you're not careful, you can slip into mild depression. I know I do sometimes. Take it as a signal from your body that you need a break if you can manage to arrange one. Have you told your husband how you're feeling? From your other posts he sounds like a caring man who is sensitive to you and very much aware of how hard you work. No matter how much we love what we do, I think it's good to get away sometimes so we can come back refreshed and ready to go at it again. Hope you can get some much-needed you time! :blossom:

May 24th, 2014, 06:38 AM
Hi LauraLongLocks!!

May I suggest you to lower your expectations if you can. I also find myself far from the goals I fixed, and sometimes get depressed over it.
Some will tell it's just hair (not particularly on that forum, but in real life, yes) but when it's your only confidence it's a bit hard to deny it. Are you happy with what God made you? I'm sure you need to feel useful.
Yes you are a mom, yes you work hard at home. Do you know people abroad need your encouragements? Maybe try to volunteer on a prayer request forum (you said you have a church, that's why I'm telling that.

When I get overly discouraged about my hair, mostly because it's not long enough, I recall there are other girls who have just reached a milestone below me and I am glad I am not there anymore!!
I focus on next step no more, but enjoy by watching shorter hair length than mine that are just beautiful, and suddenly I say to myself that I am part of the beautiful!!!

Jesus is my Lord and Savior, God is my unique Love and I won't get him afflicted with me being afflicted!
How would you react if your son is handsome but finds himself just ugly because he has eyes like yours? You would feel bad I guess. God is sorry to hear that what He intended to be great, you just find it uncomplete...

I'm sorry if I disturb you by my thoughts but I ve been there too and that's what I got to realise.
Enjoy your beautiful you! No need to be seen by anyone! (except your husband...) What you are trying to discard is the very thing most of us girls are trying to achieve.

About the meals, you can cook any meat or fish with steamed vegetables, brown rice. or make big salads with raw and cooked vegetables, drink soups...It doesn't take that much time.
Breakfast: bread, butter, hot drink
Lunch: tomato slices (vinaigrette oil+ACV+garlic), purée, meat or fish
Snack: fruit, dark chocolate
Dinner: greeny vegetables, meat or fish or omelette..


May 24th, 2014, 06:54 AM
From one homeschool mom to another...((hugs)) it sounds like you are on burn out. You need a break. I have been there before, more than once. You need a good nights sleep(or 4) and to relax a bit. ;)

Wildcat Diva
May 24th, 2014, 07:14 AM
Yes, burnout. I'm there too, I live there.

I feel very much how you feel about lots of your things. There is some good advice here already.

Thank you for posting this, because you are not alone.

I will say to you to find little changes you want to make and celebrate those. Enjoy the process too. Like running, enjoy each run, celebrate it. Maybe make a little running log with your times, how you feel about it, or where you ran and mini achievements. Learn the art of self reward.

I am a homeschooling mommy who has always worked part time. My job hours keep going up and up, and when husband lost job for a year I had to work more. We made it, but homeschooling suffered. Now I still work more, there's no return at the changes to my job. I have to keep it, there is nothing else that pays so great five minutes from my front door in a small town community. My mom life is suffering. Homeschooling is going badly. I don't think public school is my answer. I feel like we are all barely going to make it through this life. But hey, I have to remember that we are doing much better than most of the rest of the world. I could feel so blessed if I let myself, even in this pit of overwhelm-ment (yes I just made up a word).

I know not everyone is Spiritual in the same way but the comments up thread are really nice ones for a Christian person like me.

LLL thank you for posting this. I hope you can find a way to feel better soon.

May 24th, 2014, 07:24 AM
Date night last night. I feel better now. Skipped yesterday's run (bad me), but I'm heading out for my run this morning. After we had dinner, my husband and I went to buy some bibs for the baby, and the lady at the checkstand had classic length auburn gorgeous thick hair. I was able to talk hair for a few minutes with her. That was fun.

I'm back to being in love with my hair. It's so soft. The lady at the checkstand told me it was. And what total strangers say to me is all that matters, right? ;)

Now I need to run 6 miles, milk the cow, and crack the whip over some lazy teenagers, ha ha! They should be able to get this house sparkling in no time, and any mom knows a clean house can do wonders for your mood.

I do need to practice gratitude. Thank you for the reminder. My relationship with God and church is changing recently, and it has been unsettling for me. I've become very cynical and jaded, which is unlike me. God isn't any different... I know where I stand with Him and I love Him. It's church. But for so long church=God to me, and so I'm learning to separate my relationship with God from my relationship with church, if that makes any sense at all. Anyway, hair is good, housework will always be there, my running clothes and Garmin watch are calling my name, and my baby is still sleeping, so now is my chance to sneak out and have a glorious 6 mile run without any kids.

May 24th, 2014, 10:24 AM
That's awesome! Yay for date night and hair compliments from strangers! :D

Wildcat Diva
May 24th, 2014, 10:56 AM
Six miles? You joking? You a better woman than me. Gah.

Keep it up.

May 24th, 2014, 12:36 PM
Six miles running and 2.5 miles walking done! I'm training for another half marathon in September, so I need to get my mileage up. I'm not fast by any means, but I am doing better than being a couch potato.

May 27th, 2014, 05:37 AM
I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I go through times like that, too.
It will pass.

I prescribe a girls' night or 3. Everyone has troubles--with their kids, inlaws, health, husbands' idiosyncracies... A laugh with your friends and a reality check helps things along.

Feel better, soon! :grouphug:

May 27th, 2014, 08:24 PM
Thanks. Somehow I'm getting back into my slump with the workouts, but I got a lot of house cleaning done today. That helps some.

May 28th, 2014, 11:18 AM
Laura those runs are amazing! Getting the house cleaned always makes me feel like a million bucks. When my house is not clean I start to feel sluggish and overwhelmed. If I let it get to certain point then I get this weird lazyness that will come over me making me just sit and stare at the mess instead of fixing it. I have to be so careful to not let it get there because when it does its an issue for me to motivate.

I get what you are saying about the church/God situation. I think it is good you have the clarify to identify what is going on.

Honestly Laura when I hear about your life it seems fulfilling, active, busy, loving and nice. With all those great things though... I can see how once in a while you simply hit a little burnout as you have a lot going on. You have such a good disposition and are such a strong woman that I am sure you bounce back just fine. Sounds like a night out was a good idea to begin the pressing the re-set button.

I know we say we want beautiful hair for ourselves, but sometimes those compliment from another really go a long way in making us feel good when we feel in a rut. Sometimes it does feel good to decorate the world :) It feels good when someone appreciates our efforts and gives positive feedback. It is very motivating and encouraging I think.

May 28th, 2014, 04:43 PM
We all have days like this where we just feel like we want it all and we want it now (and you just sang that in your head didn't you? :p) and we're frustrated. It's quite a struggle to keep going with the no trims when you're so used to being obsessed with trimming, but I found the trimming was slowing down my progress, and I've already gotten to one of my milestones by abstaining much quicker than anticipated. I too am growing out fringe and it's gone from eyebrow to about cbl in two years of not cutting it, and I wish it was further along and at APL so I could just say it's part of my hair and not some silly overgrown fringe that won't go into a side braid and look stupid. Growing hair can be a frustrating process, but I see it as a labor of love. I love taking care of my hair and seeing it transform over time. I hope you will find some peace and happiness in time :)

May 28th, 2014, 05:09 PM
I'm feeling major burn out for sure. And this summer doesn't promise to get any easier or slower-paced. Thanks for the words of encouragement. It's a daily struggle for me.