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View Full Version : Ugh so upset with myself. Hate my hair, dye disaster :(



Sinthia
May 20th, 2014, 07:26 PM
I have made previous posts on here, but to summarize, several years ago I destroyed my hair with a box dye that did not do well. It broke hair off all the way to the roots, and I ended up cutting a bunch off, and following advice on here, and for over a year I stopped using all heat, most hair products ( aubrey organics gel, and a bit of mousse is all I use) , started oiling my hair, sleeping with a silk pillow case, and most recently wearing it up as much as possible.

I HATE my natural color and haven't had it fully that color since I was young. It is dirty blonde. I have been dying it black for years. Once it was ruined, I took some advice and started just doing the roots with a demi, and I was finally content with my hair!!! I made a ton of progress.

A family member of mine works at a salon, and has for a very long time. She was so excited to tell me that she ordered an almost completely organic, ammonia free black dye for me. I was skeptical but she said those who she has used it on has loved it, and it made their hair look great. She was very happy to have ordered this product and offered to use it on me. I let her, after talking about it and thinking that it would be okay.

Left the salon, my hair is back to where I started. Frizzy, dry, broken hairs up to the roots, broken hairs all over that I cant wear it up or down without frizzies everywhere. I am absolutely LIVID at myself for doing this. I should have known better!!

I had her cut 2 inches off while I was there before noticing how damaged, and now I want to cut it all off because I am so upset, but I look terrible with short hair. My double chin stands out like a sore thumb with short hair :P

I have thin coarse hair, and honestly I am feeling so depressed over this. I have been crying for days, and making my poor husbands life miserable. I am 6 months pregnant so I am hormonal to begin with, and every time I see my hair in the mirror I just become furious and depressed, and nothing snaps me out of it for several hours. I hate over reacting over hair, but this just sucks :( Even writing this now , I am so angry at myself, and just blah. Over hair..how silly I know.

I am deep conditioning, oiling, etc, I am not going to cut it off really short because I know that will make me feel worse, and I know it will eventually grow again, but I am just so so down :(

I am toying with the idea of doing hendigo, but the process seems like such a pain for me. If only I had thicker dark hair :(

Thanks for reading, I am not expecting a response, it just feels good to vent .

embee
May 20th, 2014, 07:39 PM
I'm sorry you've had such a mess, especially when your pregnant and could be so happy.

When I was pregnant with my 2nd I cut my hair and had a tight perm, sort of a poodle look. It was horrible! I don't know what I was thinking, it was just awful and every time I saw myself in the mirror I was horrified all over again. Unfortunately DH was into taking family photos and there are a number of me with this terrible hair.

It's too bad you don't like your natural color, that would make things so much easier all 'round. Are you sure your hair is still "dirty blonde"? It might have gotten darker over the years.

Kome
May 20th, 2014, 07:39 PM
Keep oiling and doing deep conditionings. Give it a couple of months. It WILL get better. I've fried my hair many times going bright colors and your hair will eventually calm down and get better. If you still need to trim up in the ends in a couple of months then do it, but in the meantime try and wait and just oil a lot. Maybe keep it in a braid for now so it soaks a lot of the oil up. Just my take. Hope it looks better soon. *hugs*

FallingDarkness
May 20th, 2014, 07:41 PM
Oil as much as possible, and maybe join the wear your hair up for a month/few months/year challenge too to help protect it. I'd recommend trimming off a half inch every month as well so that you won't be losing length but you'll be slowly getting rid of the damage.

earthybee
May 20th, 2014, 07:59 PM
A few months ago I made the mistake of getting highlights "thinking" my henna would look nicer over it. Instead they fried it and ever since I've been really treating it kindly. The shine is slowly coming back it does get better I promise!

totie
May 20th, 2014, 07:59 PM
aww hun, I know how you feel, I've just been through a similar situation. After joining here in 2003 I was totally committed to growing out my hair to waist length which I did. After years of growing and cutting and regrowing I finally reached my dream goal of long thick waist length hair...and I LOVED it!!! but...and here's where the horror starts...someone (my own family member) told me I was too old to have so much hair and their comment made me really doubt myself, even though I loved my long hair I went and got it cut to my shoulders...and I cried :( but....there's more...Lol...I moved house and the stress of uni/kids etc got to me so I decided to go to a hairdresser and asked them to trim it into a nice shape so I could wash and go and to put a few foils through it to lighten it up and cover up my greys. This is the nightmare part of my story...after growing and luving my thick dark blonde hair for years, I walked out of that hairdresser with my hair shorter then when I first joined here. It was heavily foiled and hacked at, severely layered hair!!! I sat in my car and cried my eyes out. then I continued to cry for the next month. I felt as if I was grieving, as if someone I loved had died and I couldn't understand why I was so down. Finally after endless hours of chats with my mum & sisters I realised I was grieving for my loss. I wanted to feel my hair brush past my elbows again, to feel it down my back. I missed playing with it while stopping at traffic lights and chatting to my girls. I wanted my 4 little girls to brush it at night putting endless plaits all through it. I wanted my hair back!! So now I sit here starting my journey again, relearning to love my hair in the state it's in now. thankgoodness I knew enough about caring for long hair that i've been able to treat it well, using sulfate free shampoos and conditioners and argan & coconut oils to put in much needed moisture and basically just let it grow. it's only just now after 5 months just sitting on my shoulders but one side at the front is cut about 2 inches above my ear as a side fringe and it looks totally stupid. But I refuse to let it get me down anymore. I trusted the hairdresser and myself but somehow I lost my gorgeous hair. So I need to trust myself again. And Im starting again. This time I will have it even nicer because I know in my heart I already love it in it's worst state...Im loving it while it's ugly and that brings me freedom to release it to be beautiful! I hope sharing my story helps with yours ♥ Lise

CaitlinM
May 20th, 2014, 08:20 PM
Oh honey! I'm so sorry this is happening to you!

It's incredibly irritating and frustrating and it takes so much time to get something back, but I always try to remember one of the things my mother says about hair "Hair is a renewable resource." It'll come back, you just have to wait.

Are there any changes you can make to your routine to make yourself feel better? Anything like getting a scalp massage with oil, or buying yourself a book/pretty scarf/massage?

ExpectoPatronum
May 20th, 2014, 10:38 PM
First off, I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how it feels to not really like your natural color and to have dyeing cause more damage than you anticipated.

Second, oil oil oil and OIL. I dyed my hair twice in a week, once with a dye that dried the life out of my hair. I've been using gentle shampoos and conditioners and oiling it and my hair is back to what it was before - and it's still the dark color I prefer! I highly recommend alternating different oils. Overnight oilings with coconut oil is good to re-strengthen hair and to help with damage and I really like using jojoba and argan oil to seal in moisture to help combat dryness.

It will take some time, but oils really do help.

HintOfMint
May 20th, 2014, 10:44 PM
Oh no, I am so sorry! Please don't be so hard on yourself, it'll grow out before you know it. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will get better. And we've all been there with hair disasters. When I was young, my father had to go on an extended assignment overseas for six months and my mom wanted to surprise him when he returned. She decided to get a perm and... well... with her hair length, it was rather... Bozo the Clown-esque. I was maybe five at the time, so I had no real filter and told her she looked silly (something I still feel terrible about). She was absolutely devastated. My dad couldn't care less, he was just happy to see her. It grew out and she laughs about it now, but at the time, oh, my poor mother.

ErinLeigh
May 20th, 2014, 10:47 PM
I am so sorry. DO NOT beat yourself up. She painted a picture that did sound good. You aren't bad for believing that.
I have no idea what she did to fry your hair but my heart goes out to you. I have been butchered and fried in salons numerous times and it is depressing and it does effect you deeply. These feelings are normal and I imagine it is so much harder while being pregnant.

One the plus side hair grows nicely usually when pregnant. Another thing is a lot of times when hair gets fried it does settle down a bit with careful care.
Deep conditioning treatments will help. Briogeo Don't Despair, Repair! Deep Conditioning Mask, Redken Extreme Builder Plus, Loreal Naturals Mega Moisture, SMT's...whatever works for you of course...but these are ones I like. Add some cowashes to routine if you can to give hair a break. Oils like coconut, argan, jojoba, avocado can help soften and smooth. A really good leave in can help reduce extra breakage too.

You can trim what you feel comfortable with and baby the rest. If front has breakage you can disguise by wearing dutch braid across side on front, or use mini clips to twist the front back. Wear the hair up a while to give it a break..and more important, relax. It will be ok and can get lots better.

When I came here in October I had serious chemically fried hair. I posted a thread called "brazillian blowout gone wrong." If you google that it will lead you to the link with pics and you can see how bad it was. It has also been heavily bleached with highlights which stylist then dumped an ash color on top off. Hair went thru a lot in October. My signature pic was taken only a month after so don't despair. A month of oiling, deep conditioning, being gentle, cowashing etc did bounce it back much more than I could have imagined in a short time.

When I did the Brazillian/Keratin and it fried my hair...guess what? It was my second time having one of those "treatments" fry hair. They were exactly one year apart actually. October 2012 and 2013. You are definitely not alone.

This is just a bump in the road. It isn't forever.

Congratulations on the pregnancy by the way :) Focus on your health and baby now. The hair will settle. Just pamper yourself with treatments. It can and will help. You know what to do, you have been here before. You just have to forgive yourself. Things happen and it IS going to be ok.

spidermom
May 20th, 2014, 11:19 PM
Been there, sorta did that, except it was with perms. The first was so pretty that about a year later I had it repermed because with the grow-out it had lost its shape. The second perm made my hair look like cotton candy. So bizarre! It barely curled, just fluffed out all over. I decided to cut very short, which made it curl up tightly, then I dyed it red, which didn't suit me at all. I felt like the ugliest woman in the world. Sigh ........... I definitely know how you feel. Sometimes the harder we try to be beautiful, the worse it gets.

Dark blonde hair can be a beautiful color. Find some pictures to admire. Loving your hair as it is will make your life so much easier.

YamaMaya
May 21st, 2014, 03:50 AM
The phrase, "It's no use crying over spilt milk" comes to mind. You made a poor choice, but ultimately, what's done is done, and all you can do now is come away from it wiser. Try some shea butter and coconut oil on damp hair for awhile, or maybe SMT, which can be found here (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=128)

Sinthia
May 21st, 2014, 09:17 AM
Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and words of wisdom. Such a lovely place here!

lapushka
May 21st, 2014, 10:16 AM
Maybe it is about time you settled for your natural color. I'm so sorry that dye ruined your hair, but maybe this is a sign that dye is just not the way to go for you.

I was dye and bleach happy for a while, until a chemical cut and burn happened and then I said enough is enough, and settled for my blonette/brunette color (hate the term "dirty blonde"). My hair is hip+ right now and healthy as can be. There was a time when it wasn't.

blue_eyes
May 21st, 2014, 11:55 AM
I've been there as well. I've always hated my natural color too (it looks either dirty blonde or light brown depending on the light), so I'd dye it black then want to go blonde & I'd bleach it. It always looked awful and I'd dye it black again. I did this 4 or 5 times in about 3 years. On my last attempt I had so much breakage it literally broke in chunks. It was horrifying. I haven't touched dye since and I'm trying to just grow out my natural color, but it's tough when you don't actually like your natural color. I just try to think of the end result: long, healthy hair. I'm trying to learn to love my natural color along the way.

I wish you luck & hope you feel better! Dye disasters are awful. Mine was 9 months ago and it still horrifies me like it just happened yesterday.

Sinthia
May 21st, 2014, 12:14 PM
I honestly hate my natural color, and my image is part of my career, so the black hair is a huge part of it lol. I just have to really learn to stick with what I know is okay, and always avoid what causes terrible damage! I definitely learned my lesson.

glitterbug
May 21st, 2014, 12:50 PM
Hey don't worry it's just hair and it will grow back. ;)

two_wheels
May 21st, 2014, 02:40 PM
The thing with dark blonde is it's difficult to see the prettiness of it until it's quite long, the colour develops with length. And maybe it doesn't suit your complexion or style as much as black, I don't know.

I do know that when I dyed my hair dark and the roots grew in, the area at the crown looked terribly thin. Now I've grown it out, it doesn't look thin at all. Also, from reading some really cool insights on this forum, I have made peace with my natural colour.

Not trying to tell you what to do/what not to do, just to illustrate that your feelings could change about your colour, if you want them to.

lapushka
May 21st, 2014, 02:43 PM
Do you know what was so different about this dye, since your family member said it was ammonia free and natural? You must have reacted with something in the dye. What stops this from happening in the future. As long as you don't know what causes your hair to break off, *any* dye can potentially be dangerous. So what now?

ErinLeigh
May 21st, 2014, 03:11 PM
Did the demi roots only that you did work well, and it was just this one mishap that caused issues?
Have you tried applying coconut oil to the hair before the color? It seems to help a lot and can prevent some extra damage. I have been using it on my roots and I am noticing the difference in the dyed hair that used the oil vs the lengths that were dyed without it.
I would also check out some henndigo threads if you are thinking about it just to see how the colors look and to see if roots only can be done after initial application.

I totally understand wanting to continue to dye and just wanting support and tips for doing it in a way that keeps hair looking good. If you are committed to the black and don't plan on trying to bleach it out it shouldn't be much issue at all if you can figure out what went wrong this time. It really sucks your hair got ruined after all you hard work and I would be very curious to know what did go wrong. Did stylist color the length too and agitate the old damage from long ago?

Natural hair isn't for everyone and there is nothing wrong with seeking support when these awful incidents happen. We have seen it done right, we know it can work..then someone comes along with a "new non-damaging marketing ploy" and damages our hair and it is quite upsetting. We get mad at ourselves and deal with the shoulda, coulda, woulda's but it doesn't fix it. WE have to fix it. Hair color done right does not have to result in hair breaking off. We just have to know what does work and remember not to stray from the routine that IS working.

georgia_peach
May 21st, 2014, 03:28 PM
*snip* But I refuse to let it get me down anymore. I trusted the hairdresser and myself but somehow I lost my gorgeous hair. So I need to trust myself again. And Im starting again. This time I will have it even nicer because I know in my heart I already love it in it's worst state...Im loving it while it's ugly and that brings me freedom to release it to be beautiful! I hope sharing my story helps with yours ♥ Lise THIS ^^^^ to the infinite! (I added the bolding.) Words of wisdom indeed, Totie.

Jennah
May 21st, 2014, 03:51 PM
Hi Sinthia!

First of all, congrats on your pregnancy! What a Blessing! :flower:

And about the hair, you mentioned that you liked your hair black, so I guess the color isnīt that bad, at least you didnīt mention it, so hopefully the color rocks!!!

And about it being more dry, well, the hair has been through a bit of shock but with care itīll be good as new, promise! It may be that your hormones are making it a bit more sad?

Hope itīll all be back to normal soon and your hair nice and shiny! With a new baby to boot!!! :cheer:

battles
May 21st, 2014, 04:23 PM
I'm not sure if this will help, but the Blonette Pride (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=80416) thread helped me appreciate my hair color much more. Maybe you should take a look. :)

LauraLongLocks
May 21st, 2014, 07:40 PM
Oh, so sorry this happened! I hope it grows back healthy, and quick! No advice beyond what you have already been given here. I just feel for you.

totie
May 28th, 2014, 06:13 AM
THIS ^^^^ to the infinite! (I added the bolding.) Words of wisdom indeed, Totie.
Thanks georgia...I like to think my words bring comfort, with someone benefiting from my loss and pain...makes it all worth it x


on a positive note, my 4 babies, now aged 7,8,9 & 11yrs all have waist length amazingly gorgeous hair, all because I have taught them to love their hair and hairdressers aren't allowed near them...Lol.

This pic was about a yr ago, the eldest now has hers past waist too :)

http://i1076.photobucket.com/albums/w449/totiegirl14/a6209fd8-093e-46d6-a2c7-c9a5e666852a.jpg (http://s1076.photobucket.com/user/totiegirl14/media/a6209fd8-093e-46d6-a2c7-c9a5e666852a.jpg.html)


and mine about a yr before it was all cut off... SIGH!! :confused:

http://i1076.photobucket.com/albums/w449/totiegirl14/e7831c72-234b-4fae-b8f5-a5f6f3565847.jpg (http://s1076.photobucket.com/user/totiegirl14/media/e7831c72-234b-4fae-b8f5-a5f6f3565847.jpg.html)

Sinthia, if you have a little Princess, just know she will also have beautiful hair, whatever length she chooses because of the pain you went through with your hair!!