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View Full Version : Ugh - how to get people to leave my hair alone? (school styles)



Periwinkle
September 16th, 2008, 10:58 AM
My hair is not, by most standards, remarkable. It's only BSL, so it's not super-long, and I'm only 15 so it's not like I get people telling me people over 40 shouldn't have long hair :rolleyes:

However, once you've taken into account the fact that I attend a regular state secondary school, I start to become a bit more of an oddball. Practically everyone I know has shoulder-length, straightened, dyed-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life layered-till-there's-nothing-left hair, which 99% of the time they wear down. My hair is BSL, wavy, virgin and always up, so I don't fit the pattern at all (not to mention that most people like to label me as the nerdy type anyway, which makes me stick out even more).

Before I joined LHC, I wore my hair in a ponytail on a daily basis. Since joining, though, I've come to realise just how much my ponytail gets caught on/in things and how much damage that must be doing to my hair, and since perfecting some more contained styles over the summer, I've come to prefer my hair flapping around less.

However, this is not entirely compatible with 1200 11-16 year olds...

Ponytails: like I said, I now prefer something more contained/safer.

Braids: I love braids! They're contained, comfortable and not too remarkable either. However, I'm having issues at the moment (can't reach the ends of my hair and am incapable of braiding over the top/over my shoulder), not to mention that everyone and his dog thinks it's the greatest thing ever to pull on the end.

Sticks: the aforementioned 11-16 year olds derive a great amount of amusement from pulling these out. Also, my school is full of stairs, and I spend my whole day going up and down them, which doesn't work so well with sticks. And finally, my school was built for about 400 pupils and now has three times as many, so as you can imagine, the corridors are an absolute disaster and hairsticks aren't the best things to be wearing!

Forks: as before.

Scrunchie bun: this works okay, but it doesn't hold spectacularly well with my layers. It's do-able, but not for every day.

Bun with pins: not stable and people like to stick their fingers in the bit in the middle :mad:

And with that, I've exhausted pretty much every style I can do. Since coming back to school after the summer, I've had my hair tangled, pulled on, flipped, fawned over, caught, vandalised and stared at, and I'm getting sick of it...help!

Samikha
September 16th, 2008, 11:03 AM
How about a braided bun? I prefer to do a French one and then just curl it to a ball and fasten it with a scrunchie. Unremarkable, and great for sports.

shrimp
September 16th, 2008, 11:04 AM
I wish I had some advice from experience but when I was at school my bsl was fairly standard (ok, I just made myself feel old!).

Hmmm how about a pinned up braid? Make a braid then fold over against your head and secure with pins (I'd suggest a jaw or beak clip, but I can see how it would be a good game to try and remove it).

*goes off to search for her glasses and knitting - ooh and a lap blanket as it's a little cold*

bunnii
September 16th, 2008, 11:11 AM
Unfortunately I don't think there is a way to get them to leave it alone, from my experience at school I was grateful not to have gum put in it everyday. Schools nowadays are so unruly, teachers have next to no control. The only thing I can think of is at your age you'll be leaving school in a year unless you stay until you're 18, so you don't have to deal with it much longer.

LaurelSpring
September 16th, 2008, 11:19 AM
Lets see,

I have a hair zing in my head right now and that is pretty secure without any sharp ends poking out. That or one of those African butterfly type ones. How about: bun with small clippies, trash ties, hair scroos, hat? What was that movie I was watching where the girl always wore a knit cap and then later in the movie you see her and she has this long amazing hair and you never would have guessed because she always kept it hidden. It was that movie where she killed the guy and his spirit was trying to get someone to find his body because he wasnt really dead. Anyway, some ideas.

vidgrl007
September 16th, 2008, 11:26 AM
I was going to say something mean like you could stick a mouse trap in your hair and when they go to sticking there hands in your hair they would get the surprise of a life time:D,but since you cant do that the braided bun would be a way to go.

taliarose
September 16th, 2008, 11:28 AM
From my own experiance this part of school is the worst to go through. You mentioned you have layers. Have you ever though of choping the layers? If you did that you'd have shorter hair which would make you a little less noticable... Not the best of solutions but doable.

I had about BSL hair in middle school. Me being dumb and stupid thought I'd try short hair and went with a popular look at the time. Basically a late 1990 pixie with the back of the neck shaved. Boy did I learn a hard lesson. Been growing it ever since.

Hopefully you wouldn't have to go any shorter than shoulder which should keep away everyone but the vandels....

I hope you find something that works for you and remember you only have one max two years of this hell and you're free. Collage is a time for experimentation and college attendes are much more open to "different" things. :grouphug:

Periwinkle
September 16th, 2008, 11:31 AM
Thanks for the suggestions, everyone!

Samikha - that might be an option when my hair is longer, but right now I just don't have the length for it. I can only get about half a coil and then I run out of hair, and that just looks silly.

Shrimp - I have tried that style but never liked the look - perhaps I should persevere, though? Jaw/beak clips really aren't as an option as my hair physically doesn't fit inside, but I do have a fakkare which works. People tend to ignore clips as they're fairly common for those lucky thinner-haired people who can actually fit their hair inside them, so maybe that would work well. Thanks!

LaurelSpring - I've heard of hair zings but don't know what they are - could you explain? I can't wear a hat because my school has a uniform but a bun with clips might work pretty well - I know I have some of those tiny claw clips left from when I grew out my fringe so maybe I could experiment with those. Thanks for the suggestions!

Periwinkle
September 16th, 2008, 11:34 AM
From my own experiance this part of school is the worst to go through. You mentioned you have layers. Have you ever though of choping the layers? If you did that you'd have shorter hair which would make you a little less noticable... Not the best of solutions but doable.

I had about BSL hair in middle school. Me being dumb and stupid thought I'd try short hair and went with a popular look at the time. Basically a late 1990 pixie with the back of the neck shaved. Boy did I learn a hard lesson. Been growing it ever since.

Hopefully you wouldn't have to go any shorter than shoulder which should keep away everyone but the vandels....

I hope you find something that works for you and remember you only have one max two years of this hell and you're free. Collage is a time for experimentation and college attendes are much more open to "different" things. :grouphug:

If I were to cut out all of my layers, then my hair would be just past my jaw, and it would shrink up even further with the wave. That would also make the line where my thinning ends (my hair is thinned like you wouldn't believe) even more noticable, so it really isn't an option. Pity :(

Yeah, I suppose I am lucky that I only have a year and a half left (yr11s basically leave halfway through the year) - I will definitely be staying in education after my GCSEs, but my school doesn't have a sixth form so I'll have to go to one of the local ones where there isn't a uniform and where people wear much more varied things.

ItalianFlower
September 16th, 2008, 11:51 AM
Wear your hair down as much as possible, or wear hair styles that absolutely highlight its length. Teenagers have a short attention span--the novelty will wear off and you'll just become the girl with the long hair. Also, make it absolutely clear that people are NOT to touch your hair (add a look that will melt bones); tell them that they wouldn't touch your butt or chest without permission or on impulse and that your hair falls under that same category. You'd be surprised how fast word spreads. Other than that, try braided buns, or maybe some of the styles in the articles section that don't have places for curious fingers, like Yvaine's updo, or the wrap around braid. (There are also interesting styles here: http://www.dressytresses.com/hair/gallery/default.asp) A snood might work as well, but solid fabric instead of the "net" kind, and shouldn't go against a standard dress code.

LaurelSpring
September 16th, 2008, 12:02 PM
Here is the hairzing link:

http://www.hairzing.com/

Or if you are in the UK there is a swinky:

http://www.theoriginalswinky.com/

Here is the african butterfly:

http://www.africanbutterfly.com/

There were some other variations on these like the magic comb I think. There were some on ebay. I use it to hold my french twist and it is very secure against my head and comfortable.

lora410
September 16th, 2008, 12:11 PM
I haven't read all the replies, but what about a ficcare?

Periwinkle
September 16th, 2008, 12:23 PM
I haven't read all the replies, but what about a ficcare?

I don't have the money for one right now, but even if I did, there's no way I'd wear something that expensive to school! I don't take anything with me unless it's easily replaceable - it sucks, but that's life.

ItalianFlower I don't want to wear my hair down because (a) it doesn't suit me (b) it catches on things and (c) it drives me up the wall, but maybe I'll have the nerve to do it more when it gets longer, but some of the styles on that site you showed me looked interesting, so I might give them a go! Unfortunately, any kind of head covering at all (apart from religious ones) is outside the uniform rule, but I might investigate those for my free time.

Thanks LaurelSpring - they sell swinkys at my local shopping centre, so are they worth the money? They're quite expensive but I'm sure I could get one if I wanted to.

Manako
September 16th, 2008, 12:35 PM
I remember people poking at my hair in elementary school. I would give them the glare of death, and they would stop playing with it.

In retrospect, its probably why I didn't have a lot of friends in gradeschool, and their intention was to play with it. Later on I regretted that I didn't let people play with my hair, at the time I was worried about people pulling it, and it would have been nice seeing as at the time I didn't know how to style it myself.

In your case, wield the glare of death, because you shouldn't have to worry about people destroying your hair.

Akiko
September 16th, 2008, 12:43 PM
How about hair nets (http://http://www.bunheads.com/stage/HairNets.html)?

Ballet dancers use them to keep the bun in place. And it is quite invisible.

Akiko
September 16th, 2008, 12:46 PM
Sorry the link was not correct. I hope this works....

here (http://www.bunheads.com/stage/HairNets.html)

Brianna
September 16th, 2008, 01:07 PM
Have you ever tried amish hair pins? My updos have never been so stable as when I got my hands on some, though my hair isn't nearly as thick as yours. :)

Periwinkle
September 16th, 2008, 01:09 PM
Have you ever tried amish hair pins? My updos have never been so stable as when I got my hands on some, though my hair isn't nearly as thick as yours. :)

I've never tried them, mostly because I'm loathe to spend so much on hairpins (the shipping to the UK is horrendous). I'm hoping to give them a go, though.

Akiko - I've heard of hairnets but never actually used them. I think I've seen them at the chemist's, though, so that's something else for me to try!

Brianna
September 16th, 2008, 01:13 PM
Oh, I know. Shipping to Norway was horrible as well, but I finally caved in and bought two packs. :o It was well worth it, though.

If you want to try them but you think it's too expensive, you could always try finding more members from the UK on this site and buy some together, though. :) I think I've seen a thread like that somewhere before, actually.

Samikha
September 16th, 2008, 01:22 PM
Thanks for the suggestions, everyone!

Samikha - that might be an option when my hair is longer, but right now I just don't have the length for it. I can only get about half a coil and then I run out of hair, and that just looks silly.


Well, if you can't wrap it round, do it like me :D I just fold it up on itself so you're making more of a bump. Just fold it inwards towards your head. Also, with a slightly loose French braid, you might be able to hide the ends underneath and just bobbypin it in place. It's a very unobtrusive sort of style, and the braid can look as ugly as it likes once it reaches the nape.

Don't know if that's more feasible, but I just wanted to say good luck! School can be truly horrendous (believe me, I remember) but it will end, and you will figure this out.

Boudicca
September 16th, 2008, 01:52 PM
That's a shame that you're having a rough time. There are some things in Claire's Accessories that might suit your hair. There's one called a hairdini http://www.hairdini.com/Hairdini2.html that might work for you. You can do sort of messy french rolls with that, which might be 'fashionable' enough for you to get away without attracting a lot of attention. A folded French plait might also work.

fxdwgchick
September 16th, 2008, 01:53 PM
I don't know about the UK, but simply tormenting someone here in the US is called ASSAULT!! It sounds like complete jealousy to me, as your hair is magnificent!

You could...have a t'shirt made that says "touch my hair and die" but I suppose that's against school code...molesting someone's hair is probably also against code. You could report them, losing a few friends in the process, but hey, if they really were friends, they wouldn't be tormenting you in the first place!.

I would tell each offender that it is offensive to you, and that you have a strict policy about people touching you. It's not a joke to you, let them know that. Tell them that you take pride in your gift, and you won't tolerate the indescretion. They can take it or leave it, either way, your hair is going to last a lifetime...schoolmates fade away. You'll forget the bully's names in no time, so don't worry about offending them...apparently they don't care if you're offended.

Zero Tolerance!

Unnamed
September 16th, 2008, 02:02 PM
Hmm, other than learn to make a really evil glare that makes it clear you don't want anyone stepping within your personal boundaries....

Hmm.

What about (and not sure how this would work with a dress code) tying a small scarf, just a plain colour, over the actual bun, so that no one can poke the actual hair? And tuck the ends in, so it's not obvious on the easiest way to undo it. I'd suggest also having it printed with 'touch and die' but I'm sure that'd be against any dress code. :lol:

Or what about securing with little claw clips around it? Since they're more standard than sticks/forks (and there'd be several of 'em!), would they stand a better chance at being left alone? If not, could also use these to hold the bun, and then put a scrunchy over covering them, since you said that kinda works but doesn't hold well enough.

freznow
September 16th, 2008, 02:06 PM
I've never tried them, mostly because I'm loathe to spend so much on hairpins (the shipping to the UK is horrendous). I'm hoping to give them a go, though.

Akiko - I've heard of hairnets but never actually used them. I think I've seen them at the chemist's, though, so that's something else for me to try!

Bend some double pointed knitting needles in half. Cheap, easily replaceable, and hold hair amazingly.

I typically wear sticks or my Ficcare. (That thing has paid for itself in lazy "throw it up in a log roll" days. And I've never lost a hair toy at school... I mean I think I'd notice if it removed itself from my head!)

I kinda have the death-glare-don't-get-in-my-way personality, so no one's ever tried pulling my sticks.

(And don't you hate no hats? My school even says no head bands or scarves. No nothing! It's crazy. I don't get it...)

lilalong
September 16th, 2008, 02:18 PM
Ugh, I don't know if you want to do this, but here is what worked for me. When I was younger I was really jumpy - when someone touched me from behind I would whirl around and slap their hand away . I always immediately apologized profusely and explained that I'm a bit jumpy when someone comes up to me from behind and I'm really sorry and I hope I didn't hurt them...

Didn't take long until people stopped touching me and not once had I ever tell someone directly to leave me alone or be unfriendly to someone.

Islandgrrl
September 16th, 2008, 02:27 PM
Have you tried or considered hair scroos? I have only one, and if I get it positioned correctly, it'll hold my hair in a bun all day long and be completely invisible. Two would be better and more secure, but in a pinch one could work.

may1em
September 16th, 2008, 02:33 PM
I've never tried them, mostly because I'm loathe to spend so much on hairpins (the shipping to the UK is horrendous). I'm hoping to give them a go, though.

Akiko - I've heard of hairnets but never actually used them. I think I've seen them at the chemist's, though, so that's something else for me to try!

Re: the Amish hairpins. I don't have any, either, but I have had great success with thin metal double pointed knitting needles bent in half (I think they're called Wavelength pins because she invented them.)

LeaM07
September 16th, 2008, 02:38 PM
You could make a braid and fold it under, which would protect the ends and hide some of the length (some instructions/pics here (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/blog.php?b=19534)). If you secure it with a big scrunchie or some kind of large clip, it will also hide part of the braid itself, if you're having trouble getting it to look neat after pulling it over your shoulder to finish it. :)

Chromis
September 16th, 2008, 02:48 PM
Would a sock bun hold in layers? It's pretty hard to tell how much hair is one of those and they are pretty no fuss.

Other than that I'd say learn to death-glare. No one ever dared to play with my hair (perhaps I have preemptive death glare) and it is a very useful skill to learn anyhow!

Shorty89
September 16th, 2008, 02:52 PM
I was going to say something mean like you could stick a mouse trap in your hair and when they go to sticking there hands in your hair they would get the surprise of a life time:D,but since you cant do that the braided bun would be a way to go.I think I love you :DThat as my first thought.

Or how about a tucked french braid? That would work well for your length I think.

Little_Bird
September 16th, 2008, 03:22 PM
Hmm...

Ok, peer pressure. Do you really wanna go on that? I mean, the best thing you can do is go on with the style you prefer and ignore everyone. If they're pressuring you, their dumb. At your age, standing out is the best thing in the world, even if in a negative way (I mean, if your peers see your diferent aspects as negative, like long hair... DUH)... This to me figures to be so stupid.

I myself went throug 9th grade completely alone. I didn't care really. Nor do I now. After arts school it just figures to me that standing out is the best, and peer pressure is one of those things that show how sick is our society...

Just my opinion. I wish you the best luck, and I think you have great hair. So please, just love it and love yourself.

:flower:

Lady Jane
September 16th, 2008, 03:24 PM
Since I joined LHC I've been noticing hair more and all the teenage girls here (Colorado) have long hair! Or at least it's BSL, sometimes longer. Mostly I notice the girls that play soccer near the football fields where my boys play and they have the cutest hair styles. The most popular (I couldn't find a picture) is a messy bun, high on the head, held with elastic or small scrunchie, with pokey ends sticking out all around the base of the bun, then a no-slip elastic around the . . . uh . . headband area. Very poplular here.

I wouldn't over-do the look of death thing. Some people thrive on irritating others and that might provoke them to increase the annoying behavior. I'd just ask seriously, politely, "Please don't do that. It bothers me," and then go back to what you are doing. The less reaction the better if that's what they're going for! Good luck!

Chromis
September 16th, 2008, 04:19 PM
Since I joined LHC I've been noticing hair more and all the teenage girls here (Colorado) have long hair! Or at least it's BSL, sometimes longer. Mostly I notice the girls that play soccer near the football fields where my boys play and they have the cutest hair styles. The most popular (I couldn't find a picture) is a messy bun, high on the head, held with elastic or small scrunchie, with pokey ends sticking out all around the base of the bun, then a no-slip elastic around the . . . uh . . headband area. Very poplular here.

I wouldn't over-do the look of death thing. Some people thrive on irritating others and that might provoke them to increase the annoying behavior. I'd just ask seriously, politely, "Please don't do that. It bothers me," and then go back to what you are doing. The less reaction the better if that's what they're going for! Good luck!

If people are still bothering you after a death glare, than you haven't perfected it yet! :twocents:

Longlove
September 16th, 2008, 07:17 PM
Wow! These days I'm surprised you'd even be allowed to wear hairsticks/forks to school..... On the bright side, they do make for dandy weapons! :cheer:

I have 2 suggestions:

1) A french braid with the tail tucked up under the braid.
2) A low ponytail just loose enough to completely tuck the ends up underneath.

Special note on that last item. I was utterly shocked to see a male co-worker one weekend with long loose hair. Apparently he did that tucked ponytail thing every morning before going to work in a rather conservative office. I never would have known!!...... And don't even get me started on his tattoos!!!

Good luck.

Longlove
September 16th, 2008, 07:22 PM
Ooops!.... I forgot to add something.

In the 3rd grade a boy cut off just the teensiest chunk of my hair. I looked him straight in the eye and told him that if he ever did that again, "....I'll cut something off of YOU!"

The same applies for hair pulling... A yank for a yank.

HTH.

FrannyG
September 16th, 2008, 07:42 PM
I know that you said that you are having trouble braiding your hair to the ends, but you can do it with practice.

The way I learned braids was to practice every day, not more than three times. I found that if I failed after three times, it was best to leave it for that day, in order to avoid frustration.

You can practice when watching TV, listening to music, whatever.

Just don't try to look in a mirror while you're doing it.

I honestly think a French braid or a single braid is your best bet.

Good luck with it. :blossom:

Bene
September 16th, 2008, 11:37 PM
this is a teenager/peer issue as much as it is a hair issue, those years can be awful.... everyone here has given flawless hair advice. i can help in the teen area though .....


practice and perfect your poker face. blank expression. don't show any derision or frustration. body language is everything.


master a bun with a stick. practice it till you can do it in a matter of seconds and so it's sturdy. once you've done this, carry a large supply of pencils. and i mean a LARGE supply of pencils. this is so that next time one of those twerps has the NERVE to mess with your hair, you don't say a word, you don't whine, not so much as a sigh. smile, show them that it's nothing. you quickly and smoothly pull out a pencil, fix your hair and keep it moving. eventually they'll see that it doesn't bother you, and will find another person to hassle.


don't let them see you lose your cool. your hair is something to be proud of, don't let them turn it into something you dread. don't show any weakness. for kids those age, it's like chum in shark infested water.






and then there's the bit of advice that i probably shouldn't give, but having been a teenage girl at one point, it can be useful.


master your backhanded compliment. and you do this by observing. all teenagers have something they're shy or self-conscious about. if they say something about you, without missing a beat, very sweetly and politely point out their fault. do this sparingly.

carolineb
September 17th, 2008, 05:19 AM
sorry, but i had to smile when i read your message!
I am a teacher myself and i think that is the only reason why i am safe and not many dare touching my hair, as said before, practice your braiding technique, i am so awkward, but i still manage now, it is just a matter of time.
But, yes, it would be your best bet! Good luck

pinkprincess
September 17th, 2008, 06:37 AM
You can get wavelength pins in Superdrug, their own brand ones for £1.29. I have them and they are quite good, though probably not as good as proper amish pins. I dont have very thick hair but I can hold a cinnabun with 4 pins.

Masara
September 17th, 2008, 07:20 AM
I had long hair at secondary school (a long time ago)
No-one ever messed with my hair (at least not twice) I think the fact I had mastered the Death Glare really helped. I never wore my hair down: it was mostly in pony tails or braids. I couldn't French braids until I was about 18, but I trained my mum to do them.

I agree with others that it's really worth your while to keep working on the braids, the pulling over your shoulder/above your head thing takes a bit of practise, especially at the length where it's only just starting to be necessary. If your problem with ponytails is more due to the ends catching than the elastic rubbing at the base, maybe you could try doing braided pony tails. They start higher up, so the over the shoulder thing is easier.