In a rut and thinking of cutting

[breezefaerie]

I feel like I am in a rut with my hair. I reached my 1st goal, waist, and just am not happy with how my hair looks.
The last time I reached waist, I was hennaing and my hair was lovely and I was so happy with it. This time around, I have let my natural color grow out and am growing in some grays. My hair feels and looks thin and flyaway. It's not particularly shiny and I wear it up every day.
Wearing it up all the time, I feel matronly and unattractive. I love updos on other people, just not on me. Wearing my hair down is a giant pain and it knots instantly and looks messy.

I'm thinking of cutting. My hair is fine, thin and a little wavy. I do NOT want the standard Midwestern bob that I see everywhere here and am afraid to go pixie length as I have a round face and double chin. I am implementing the two week rule, but I think it's really time.

This is something along the line of what I am thinking of: (keeping in mind I am not quite that gray, my face is much rounder, and I have big black framed geek glasses)
http://i913.photobucket.com/albums/ac337/janetsbreeze/f74d2c355e8ff32b97f420f85ae31552_zpsf88d8ea1.jpg

My apologies, I don't have a head shot of my own to compare.

[longhairedlady]

Maybe try different conditioners to smooth your hair and get more shine, and maybe try some bangs and face framing layers to dress up your updos first?

[breezefaerie]

I have bangs now :)
And believe me, I have tried everything to get more shine - cones, cone free, oils, serums, oil shampooing, co washing, etc, etc.

I just don't like my hair right now. And I am so disappointed that I don't like it. My goal of waist was kind of when I thought my hair would magically be perfect if that makes any sense.

[longhairedlady]

I understand! You have to be happy with your hair. If that means cutting back, then thats what you must do! Having long hair doesnt mean anything, unless it makes you happy! You have to like what you see. I think the 2 week rule is a good idea (WISH I would have done that when I cut myself some god awful bangs years ago lol!)

ETA: I do like the pic by the way!

[arihS]

May I ask why you decided to stop using Henna? Was it to grow out your hair naturally? I can understand that (if that was the reason), but if you where happy with your hair then, and not now, maybe it´s worth reconsidering it? You might also try using Cassia and or using Indian herbs, if you haven´t already. Being happy with your hair is most important, I think as well, so if you decide that a shorter haircut will give you that, I would definitely do that:) Once your happier about it you can always decide what you want to do with it next, or just keep it that way.

I really like the picture of the haircut you´re considering:)

[Crystawni]

Perhaps this thread about the pros and cons of each hair length is worth a look: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=119370

I'd forgotten how much of a pain my shorter hair was until I read that thread! Maybe you could look at going shorter, but not a drastic, full-on chop? Just enough to wear your hair down more often, or looser. (BTW, feel the same about my hair being up.) The two week plan sounds good. Use that time to check out other photos of long-hairs of our age-group to get inspiration (although I realise you've already researched this fairly well by the sounds of it).

[breezefaerie]

Thanks everyone :)
I did stop henna to grow out my natural color. I like the color with my grays sprinkled through.

And thank you for the link of pros and cons. I will definitely read through it!

[inanna]

The picture does look lovely!

However, when my hair was that length I whipped it up in a pony tail every time it irritated me, so you might not entirely solve the updo problem. Have you experimented with different types of updos? I find I like braided 'dos better than simple buns, because they give me a softer, less scraped back look.

Imagining your hair will suddenly change texture and behave better when you hit a goal definitely sounds familiar. From what I understand, gray hair is often coarser so if you wait it out you might actually see some change in how your hair behaves as your grays multiply. Of course you can always cut it now, and if your hair does indeed change texture, try growing it out again later. :)

[vsvisionz]

I feel like that all the time with my hair. But every time I cut it I regret it almost instantly. Even if I don't love the particular length I'm at I have to remember that its still a lot better then cutting it off again. I literally cried for days about my hair last time I chopped it off. Shorter hair seems like a lot more maintenance to me.

[breezefaerie]

I do experiment some with updos, but not as much as I could. My go to is a nautilus bun, but I do know how to do more than that - I often just am lazy to be honest :(

I've seen pictures of women with long, gorgeous gray hair both on this site and online. I always wanted that for myself, but right now I don't know if that's for me.

[bunnylake]

I think I'm always going to be that one LHCer who is pro-chop since my own chop last winter, hehe.
If shorter hair is what you want, go for it. I know mine feels tremendously thicker and more voluminous since my big chop, so much that I doubt I will ever go back to long hair even though I love it on others.
I think for thin flat hair, shorter lengths are probably better in terms of adding some volume because there's less length to weigh down the roots.
As for shine, I know people say that ACV or cold water rinses help.

[breezefaerie]

Thanks, it's good to hear from someone who hasn't regretted the big chop!

[spidermom]

I've got a cut in my future, too. We're fighting lice here, and the nit combs are trashing the ends of my and my granddaughter's hair. Half of me wants something short and easy, the other half wants to trim the minimum necessary and grow on. I wish I knew for sure!

[momschicklets]

You know, it sounds as if you have given quite a bit of thought to this..and you've also tried various things to get yourself out of the rut you're feeling. For me, I always come down on the side of believing that you should be able to really love your hair, whether that means dying it different colors, covering your gray, getting layers, getting bangs, growing it long...and yes, even cutting it shorter if that means you can love your hair and feel good about how you look. We all deserve that :)

You could maybe cut halfway and see what you think, or start some henna and give some oomph to the color, have some long blended layers put in to amp up the volume, etc. But in the end if you decide to cut, that hairstyle you chose is very pretty, and it's not that short. Shoulder length can be very flattering. I still agree the 2 week rule might apply here because we all know how looooong it takes to grow hair again. And of course you could always take a length shot to share and then we could jump on and give more opinions :D

[Verdandi]

I was terribly unhappy with my waist length virgin hair a few years back. I decided to chop to somewhere between apl and bsl and dyed it red. I was so much happier! Half a year later I cut a bob with bangs and was even more satisfied. I genuinly loved it. People here sometimes seem very scared of chopping, and I can see why. But hair growd back. Seriously, it does :)

I'm growing out my dye now and I'm back at waist aiming for hip. I have much shorter hair than I would have had if I didn't cut, but I don't regret a thing.

I think the style you posted was great, but I think you should obey the two week rule, if you still want to cut it then, do it :)

[Beborani]

- I know what you mean about feeling matronly. I loved having my hair up when younger--I think it used to look cute but as the face aged I really didn't like the look on me anymore. I also know what you mean by not wanting the same hair cut as everyone else. I dont have any suggestions for you but hope you find something you like. We have to keep reinventing ourselves!

[Nightshade]

For what it's worth, I've always admired your hair :) I'm sorry you're in a slump about it, but I still think it's lovely :flowers:

[breezefaerie]

Thank you everyone for the responses :)
You are all very kind!

[ErinLeigh]

How did you feel when it was shoulder last time? Do you have pictures of it you can look and to maybe help recall your feelings at the time?
Maybe looking back to see if you were happier or less enthused will help you decide? What made you choose to grow back out from shoulder? Were there any lengths in between SL and WL that you enjoyed. Just a few things to ask yourself so you can choose and feel good about decision once made.

I personally love all lengths of hair and can find good in all of them. I like SL a lot for it's versatility. It really going to come down to how do you feel about yourself and hair when it is that length. Another thing, try to think beyond the photos. Hair in real life doesn't always remain like it did walking out of the salon that day. What will your hair look like day to day with the cut? How will it fall naturally? More questions to ask self. Once you have sorted thru it all the answer should becomes more clear.

Whatever you decide, I hope you love it and feel beautiful and happy.

[eva888]

I think that maybe cutting somewhere halfway between what you have now and the picture you posted might be a good idea to start. You might need something less drastic to get you out of your rut. I often do a big chop when I'm feeling particularly unhappy with my hair and I end up feeling even worse about it when it's short.

The two week rule is good though! Keep thinking on it :ponder:

[ravenreed]

I have gone from long to short several times in my life and never regretted it. It sounds like you have tried all sorts of things and given it a lot of thought. I agree with someone above about doing it in stages, especially if you have any qualms. Otherwise, I think the length you have selected is quite flattering, especially for someone with fine hair.

[ashke50]

I second the suggestion to try a vinegar rinse for shine - maybe white vinegar, as it won't change the colour of your silvers.

[torrilin]

I don't think there's anything wrong with a rut if it's a rut that suits your taste. At this point, if my hair is in a bun, it's because I tied it in a celtic knot and stuck in some pins or a fork. Easy, pretty, and holds decently even on my slippery hair. I also do a lot of braids, whether single or double, left down or pinned up. Braids look really good with my streaky ash blond to ash brown hair, and they're comfy. They've been a go to style for me for literally decades at this point, and I'm only 36 :D.

That said, I've gone shorter several times in my life. I don't think chopping hair off is a big deal. It's your head, you kind of need to like what's on it.

[jeanniet]

I cut way back last year and don't regret it one bit. I did do it in stages, but I think I would've been fine doing it all at once. I liked my hair long, but there were disadvantages that I eventually felt outweighed the advantages--conversely, there's only one disadvantage now (I can't really use my pretty hair toys!) and way more advantages, so I'm happy. But I've always been of the mind that it's just hair and I can always grow it again if I want to.

[Stormynights]

Your hair sounds like mine. I was very unhappy with it until I used a poo bar and acv rinse. Now my hair shines for the first time in years. I was really depressed about having to get a new drivers license picture taken. I curled my hair the night before with amish pins by making little mini buns and pinning the centers with the pins. I pulled the sides up with side combs and left the length down. My new picture is better than my old one. This is the best picture I have taken in years. I am happy with my hair now. Today it is back in the bun but I know I can wear it down now if I want to without feeling like I look like a witch.

[breezefaerie]

Thanks everyone - I think I have made the decision to cut and will be making the appointment today.

Now my next issue - I have not set foot in a salon in years. I've done a little research and decided on a place that seems to have good reviews, isn't astronomically priced and is close by (some places cuts start at $75! Maybe I'm out of touch but this seems a lot!).

I'm so nervous. Nervous to make the appointment, nervous to speak to the stylist about what I want, nervous about the outcome. My last big chop, about 5 years ago, I went home and cried. It was a bad haircut and on a whim, granted, but I don't want that to happen this go around.

[bunnylake]

Bring pictures of what you want and be very clear about how much you want cut off. I think a high end salon usually charges $50+ for a cut so unfortunately it's not cheap. Relax and enjoy the salon experience. Good luck :)

[breezefaerie]

Thanks :)
I made the appointment! Tomorrow!

I will try to post pics :)

[bunnylake]

Also - tell them about your last salon experience. They will likely be more careful and sensitive towards you. I didn't go to a salon for years for the same reason and when I finally decided to go back I told the stylist I cried the last time and avoided salons after that. She was super nice to me, very careful with how much she took off, and made sure I was happy with everything she was doing while she was doing it. Just don't be afraid to communicate. :)

[spidermom]

Thanks :)
I made the appointment! Tomorrow!

I will try to post pics :)

No try. Do.

[ErinLeigh]

I would tell them you want the cut 2 inches longer than the picture. That's usually the best way to ensure they get it to where it should be. :) Gives them a little "whoopsie" room in case they need to fix a section.
Good luck with the salon experience. I cannot wait to see before and after photos!

[ErinLeigh]

Also - tell them about your last salon experience. They will likely be more careful and sensitive towards you. I didn't go to a salon for years for the same reason and when I finally decided to go back I told the stylist I cried the last time and avoided salons after that. She was super nice to me, very careful with how much she took off, and made sure I was happy with everything she was doing while she was doing it. Just don't be afraid to communicate. :)

This is true. The best care and cuts I have gotten were after pouring my heart out to stylist and letting them know how fearful I was from past experience. It makes them want to do a perfect job for you. Also keeps their attention on you and not with chatting with the stylist next to them.

[breezefaerie]

Well I did it!

The girl who cut my hair was so nice and did everything in her power to make me comfortable, checking with me at every stage of cutting.
I don't have an after pic yet, but here are my before pics so you can see what I was working with:

No Flash -
http://i913.photobucket.com/albums/ac337/janetsbreeze/photo1_zps424cc308.jpg (http://s913.photobucket.com/user/janetsbreeze/media/photo1_zps424cc308.jpg.html)

With Flash:
http://i913.photobucket.com/albums/ac337/janetsbreeze/photo2_zps012ac184.jpg (http://s913.photobucket.com/user/janetsbreeze/media/photo2_zps012ac184.jpg.html)

I will post after pics as soon as I have them!

[Johannah]

I'm curious about the result! It's great you're happy with it!

[duchess67]

breezefaerie, your hair is lovely, looks pretty thick to me. Wonder why you said it's fine and thin. I am also curious to see your hair after the cut.

[breezefaerie]

Ok, I FINALLY have an after pic!
All my waves are gone, which was a surprise. Apparently my wave pattern doesn't show up until after shoulder length.
I'm still getting used to styling my hair too. Funny though - most people think I am wearing my hair down now, not that I cut it!

My hair is fine and thin. It compresseshttp://i913.photobucket.com/albums/ac337/janetsbreeze/photo_zps22e54020.jpg (http://s913.photobucket.com/user/janetsbreeze/media/photo_zps22e54020.jpg.html) down to nothing and my crown is very thin. I have to be careful of scalp show-through.

[torrilin]

You've still got tons of wave. See how the ends are kind of "flicking" out and they look artfully tousled? That's your wave pattern showing. My hair at the same length would look a lot smoother, and it doesn't really do artful tousle.

[breezefaerie]

Thanks for saying "artfully tousled"! I was thinking "all over the place"!

[torrilin]

Basically, you've got the perfect waves for a shag or the kind of cut where the ends naturally curl up :). (probably other stuff too, those are the ones I notice since stylists love the idea of trying them on me, and they never, ever work... with my wave pattern, it's go architectural and art deco or go home for short hair) And well, we're always our own worst critics. You can probably work on enhancing your natural waves and wind up with a really cute naturally messy kind of look. That's the kind of thing my hair would never do short :). Might as well work with your natural texture.

[breezefaerie]

I FINALLY got the messy, wavy look down today!

I finally like my hair :)

[ErinLeigh]

I am so glad to hear you love it. How does it feel wearing hair down? I still see a lot of wave and hair looks shiny and gorgeous.
How does it look from the front? Did they change the fringe any? I don't expect a pic but just wondered.

[breezefaerie]

It's taking some getting used to - not used to having hair touch my neck and it's hot!
I do have a fringe still, and am finally getting used to having this length.

[Imalath]

I am so glad you are happy with your new length. I'm another one who has cycled from long to short many times over the years, and I never regretted it. Sometimes change can be the best medicine! I think your before-cut hair was lovely, but the after pictures look healthy and shiny. You have a good length for a lot of cute hairstyles to show off your wave pattern, and it's still long enough to pull back on the hottest days, which I find to be very important.

I hope you have fun with it!

[Kherome]

I FINALLY got the messy, wavy look down today!

I finally like my hair :)

Good, glad you're happy! But your before picture was beautiful too!