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View Full Version : Grrrrr.... my hair hates everything!



Kirin
September 15th, 2008, 07:53 PM
My hair used to be bleached beyond recognition, shampooed the heck out of with whatever was cheap, avoided conditioner as i'm greasy, never put my hair up, blow dried and used curling irons........

and it grew like a weed.

Now? I've tried everything under the sun, shampoo bars, CO, WO (what a disaster!), smt's, coconut oil, putting my hair up, not brushing, barely combing, henna......

and my hair grows slower than molasses, is lank, stringy, flat, no body whatsoever and my faint wave is gone. For all this time I should be able to at least make a braid! Nope. its just hanging out at arm pit length and has been for a while. Its coarse, weird feeling half the time, and just bleh. I wont tell you how I -look- but its dreadful!

I keep returning to, and now have returned to a traditional hair care regime, with two exceptions of the only things that worked. Carrot oil and Henna.

I honestly feel like some odd breed trying so long, and nothing works, nothing. In the past two days i've slathered my head with cones, soaked it in a mineral oil hair treatment, and used straight on shampoo and my hair goes........

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.....

Am I that abnormal that no natural homeopathic hair treatment does anything for me? I can't believe I'm alone in this, its almost an alienating feeling. I had desired so badly for natural things to work and kick out chemicals, but its just not happening.

CopperHead
September 15th, 2008, 08:59 PM
I just do what works for me and if that involves some not so natural products, then so be it. Giovanni and Nature's Gate work great, but some other natural things don't. Oil and my hair just do not get along, so I use Carol's Daughter or Villianess Whipped in my hair as leave ins. Goth Rosary works well too. I have no problem with cones so I use them as I feel fit. If your hair likes the other products, then go for it. We are supposed to enjoy our long hair, not stress over it. :)

annarose
September 15th, 2008, 09:06 PM
You are not alone Kirin, I have been here for three years, tried every single thing that has been written about and STILL can't find anything that works :shake:

And my hair has gotten thinner and lost it's fabulous curls :sad.

I think it was better bleaching and blowfrying too.

Katze
September 16th, 2008, 01:25 AM
My hair used to be bleached beyond recognition, shampooed the heck out of with whatever was cheap, avoided conditioner as i'm greasy, never put my hair up, blow dried and used curling irons........

*snip*

and my hair grows slower than molasses, is lank, stringy, flat, no body whatsoever and my faint wave is gone. For all this time I should be able to at least make a braid! Nope. its just hanging out at arm pit length and has been for a while. Its coarse, weird feeling half the time, and just bleh. I wont tell you how I -look- but its dreadful!

I keep returning to, and now have returned to a traditional hair care regime, with two exceptions of the only things that worked. Carrot oil and Henna.

I honestly feel like some odd breed trying so long, and nothing works, nothing. In the past two days i've slathered my head with cones, soaked it in a mineral oil hair treatment, and used straight on shampoo and my hair goes........

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.....

Am I that abnormal that no natural homeopathic hair treatment does anything for me? I can't believe I'm alone in this, its almost an alienating feeling. I had desired so badly for natural things to work and kick out chemicals, but its just not happening.

dear Kirin, I'm sorry you are going through this! Having posted very often in a similar frustrated mood, I can only sympathize, and offer what's worked for me.

First of all, I have no idea what you mean by homeopathic hair treatment. Here in Germany homeopathy is quite common, but I have never heard about it for hair. Maybe you are being sold something that isn't what it claims to be?!?

What pops out the most from your post is that your hair sounds like it's not getting clean. For me, my hair would often get like that when I tried too many things, but it also now gets like that on its own, unless I shampoo, twice, *without* conditioning afterwards. Sounds crazy, but it makes my ends softer, my crown have more body, and my hair shiny and all one piece rather than stringy and dull. It's a cheap and easy remedy - and I recommend sulfate conditioners too.

Other than that it sounds like you are impatient - another problem I know very very well. I've been here, what, 3 years now? and my hair has never gotten past BSL, because I have to trim off the damaged, thin ends and am trying to make all the layers catch up. My hair IS in much better shape than it was, but it has not grown at the rate of many people who joined when I did. Nor does it look good in updos. But when I look in the mirror, it IS better off than it was.

I think you need to be kinder to yourself and your hair. Back off on trying new things for a while, just stick to something that WORKS. Natural is probably better - no mineral oil or 'cones - just be gentle to your hair and try to forget about it.

hope you are feeling better!

ljkforu
September 16th, 2008, 04:00 AM
Be gentle on your hair and do what you know works. I don't think anyone here wants to be thought of as the hair police. (Smiles)

aisling
September 16th, 2008, 04:23 AM
I think Katze is on to something, my advice would be: clarify when your hair feels like you described at first. It really sounds like your hair is not getting clean and you're trying to be so gentle and nice with it, trying all these alternative methods. Well, it's obviously not working, it's time to bring out the sulphate shampoo again and really wash your hair from root to tip with that, even do the lather, rinse, repeat routine. Then you can pamper your ends with a deep treatment and go on from there and see how it feels. My scalp rebels if I don't wash it with sulphates every now and then and I get buildup on the length, natural isn't always better, I think.

Also, remember, a watched pot never boils, growing hair isn't fast ever. It took me almost three years to get from a little above BSL to tailbone length, ages really but you have to be patient. Hair can also grow in cycles, a few months you get nothing and then, bam!, one inch just like that. Patience is really needed if you want long hair without getting extensions.

ChloeDharma
September 16th, 2008, 05:51 AM
Kirin, well i hardly make a secret of being a fan of the natural approach, but you do need to listen to what your hair tells you. I tried giving up cones with some damaged hair left from colouring and it wasn't a good idea. For me a mixture of natural with some coney help worked for my hair at that time, and i do think that sometimes the synthetic causes of damage need synthetic treatments to make them bearable.
You sound like you are growing out alot of damage already so maybe cones and mineral oil (i can't say that my hair has ever liked mineral oil but if it's helping then go for it....i almost envy you because if my hair liked it i could use the hesh jasmine oil as a leave in for the smell!).
But also, damaged hair just does break off more hun, your hair might have seemed to grow more when you was doing those things, but i expect it was shorter too. As it's longer and already weakened then it will be less resilient now. Maybe start trimming a bit more often? Trimmed ends do seem much more resilient.
But anyway, don't give up....just keep your hair up and out the way, minimise your routine and then i'm sure you will start noticing growth again.

Shanarana
September 16th, 2008, 07:10 AM
I know how you feel. My sister for example has long hair that she does nothing to but shampoo and condish and blow drys and flat irons and her hair always looks great and grows too. Doesn't seem fair that we take extra care and don't always see the results quick enough.

Sometimes I think my hair was better before doing all that I do to it now, but in reality I know it is more healthy and strong. I just do what works for me. Coconut oil has been my biggest find and friend with my hair care. Not everything works for me, but when I find something that does I usually just stick with that. Lots of trial and error and patience.

Curlsgirl
September 16th, 2008, 12:05 PM
I have gone slower than most also because of breakage from old damage and having to do more trims to get it cut off. You have been given some awesome advice here. Try to be patient. If it's lank and dull, you're most likely getting buildup. I agree with a shampoo with some kind of sulfate at least occasionally. Even "natural" products and oils can build up. Give it more time. I see you only joined in December of last year. That is not enough time to see the length from bleached, abused hair get healthy! It's just not! Keep treating it well and try to concentrate on other things. I KNOW how hard it is!!! Hugs to you!!!!

Kirin
September 16th, 2008, 03:49 PM
Actually, thats just it, I dont have ANY damage. All the old dyed parts and such were cut off long ago. I went to a pixie to be done with it over a year and a half a go. I am still hanging out for four months now at APL. I stopped using bleach then, and cut it all out, and went with Henna instead, its all I use.

I havent flatironed, blowdried or used a curling iron on this APL hair, there's not even a split end. its just the overall YUCK of my hair.

I didnt try things all at once, but one at a time, at least a two month shot for each, with exception of WO..... that lasted Two weeks until my husband refused to sleep with me ha! I tried shampoo bars after that........ when i could comb out waxy bits of ...well, ew, I knew that wasn't working. ACV afterward made my hair fall out, bigtime and dried into a dry, revolted mess!

CO, that was the longest I'd done anything, shampooing with a sulphate poo at least once every two weeks for build up. It seemed okay, but got worse and worse with the passing weeks.

Coconut oil (and many oils) make me break out terribly, the only one that doesn't is carrot oil!

For all the things I've tried, it just has gotten worse and worse. I've clarified, and things are good, but if I return to the usual CO ....... disaster.

I've now decided to heck with natural (homeopathic, home made stuff like smt's are with this), and go the more conventional route. Currently I'm using the past two days Aussie shampoo, and Biolage conditioner (coney) and there is peace in the land, at least for the most part. My hair is still wirey and snappy feeling near the ends, but its loads better than before.

What I am aggrivated at, is that for all the goodness natural things are supposed to do for my hair, why do none of them work? It just doesn't make sense to me at all. Thats where i am frustrated, its almost like its not fair! I -want- to be natural with my hair, but not at the sake of me having to hide my hair!

I know this sounds rediculous, but I do feel like some kind of outcast or freak of nature that none of this works for me. Almost every natural product I've used has ruined my hair and required alternate things to fix (lets not get into the disaster of baking soda!).

For now I guess I just have to stick with what works. If its chemical laiden, so be it!

spidermom
September 16th, 2008, 04:28 PM
I've been very happy with Nature's Gate products used CWC and diluted. Lately I'm using something new called Save Your Hair, Save Your World, and it's incredible. I got it at a clearance warehouse, which is good because it's kind of spendy.

Sometimes I think that my hair picks up on the fact that I'm paranoid about damaging it and splits merely to get a reaction and be amused by my distress. I'm going to get the last laugh when I go back to burning it with a flat iron! (not planning this any time soon)

danacc
September 19th, 2008, 08:15 PM
Kirin, you're not alone on any of these things. CO worked for about half of the people who tried it and answered this poll (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=6736), and didn't work for the other half. The same poll showed that WO works for a minority of those who tried it. Shampoo bars? Of those responding to this poll (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/poll.php?do=showresults&pollid=80) who tried them, they worked for 40% and didn't work for the other 60%. SMTs worked for most who tried them (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=6740), but still, you're not alone in having hair that doesn't care for them.

If anything, these polls are biased towards alternative hair care since there is so much good information about them shared on this site. And there's still 50% or less success for CO, WO, and shampoo bars.

CO is no more "natural" than mainstream shampoo-and-conditioner. Shampoo bars and baking soda are both alkaline and will lift the hair's cuticle--not good. I know for some people, shampoo bars or baking soda keep their scalp happy. But it upsets the hair, at least while washing. The ACV rinse, on the other hand, is acid, and will cause the cuticle to close again. Since you react badly to ACV, just stay away from shampoo bars and baking soda. (I personally don't get the shampoo bar=natural assertion, either. Yeah, you can do it at home, but that doesn't make it "natural". There is a caustic substance and a chemical reaction required to make soap... Ok, stepping down and away from that particular :soapbox:soapbox now.)

If you're looking for milder ways to take care of your hair, you can try diluting your shampoo a lot; most are far more concentrated than you need to get your hair clean. You can also try sulfate-free shampoo. Or maybe alternate diluted sulfate-based shampoo with sulfate-free.

And if your hair is happiest with full-strength sulfate shampoo, by all means stick with that. It's all about finding what works for you. If what works for you happens to be the mainstream stuff, then take advantage of the lower cost and convenience of that!

Eirinn
September 25th, 2008, 06:30 AM
My hair used to be bleached beyond recognition, shampooed the heck out of with whatever was cheap, avoided conditioner as i'm greasy, never put my hair up, blow dried and used curling irons........

and it grew like a weed.

Now? I've tried everything under the sun, shampoo bars, CO, WO (what a disaster!), smt's, coconut oil, putting my hair up, not brushing, barely combing, henna......

and my hair grows slower than molasses, is lank, stringy, flat, no body whatsoever and my faint wave is gone. For all this time I should be able to at least make a braid! Nope. its just hanging out at arm pit length and has been for a while. Its coarse, weird feeling half the time, and just bleh. I wont tell you how I -look- but its dreadful!

I keep returning to, and now have returned to a traditional hair care regime, with two exceptions of the only things that worked. Carrot oil and Henna.

I honestly feel like some odd breed trying so long, and nothing works, nothing. In the past two days i've slathered my head with cones, soaked it in a mineral oil hair treatment, and used straight on shampoo and my hair goes........

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.....

Am I that abnormal that no natural homeopathic hair treatment does anything for me? I can't believe I'm alone in this, its almost an alienating feeling. I had desired so badly for natural things to work and kick out chemicals, but its just not happening.

I'm so with you in this!

My question is: Why do you want to use *all natural* at all costs? It is such a trend here but thinking 'Natural is better then chmical cause 'chemical' means 'unnatural' (plastic or what?)' doesn't make natural products work... Notice that it's a mainstream vs alternative thing here - so it's more about psychology, beliefs and lifestyle that real effectiveness. Why chemicals are bad?
I, myself, had to face the truth recently that all this 'natural products' and 'protective updos' do much harm to my hair. And so now I'm S&C-er, conehead, down-wearer, narrow-teeth-comber and chemical dyer. Oh, and from time to time blow-drier-er:D And I was surprised how much it changed - my hair turned from flat, stringy and ratty to bouncy and flowing. I just stopped deceiving myself.
I'd say try it and remember - you just can't say that something is bad or good for all hair in general cause hair is a very individual thing:flower:
So my advice is: don't *believe in natural* - watch your hair:)

Miss Hidley
September 25th, 2008, 07:07 AM
I know it sounds obvious but maybe if you have cut a lot off your hair recently you were using too large a quantity of the products for your hair? Lots of the people on this site who describe their routines have way more than pixie hair, and its possible you could have given yourself extra buildup using too much of the natural products you used, especially if you are used to having hair which is extremely damaged (= tends to drink conditioner etc)
anyway just a thought!

redtea
September 25th, 2008, 01:30 PM
There's a lot of good tips here which seem like they're worth trying. Another thing I thought of, as a former bottle blonde myself, is that the texture of my bleached hair was a lot different than my virgin hair. My blonde hair grew just fine and it also styled better - my virgin hair is smooth and much more limp. Maybe you're just really used to the feeling of your blonde hair? At one point I cut off all my blonde hair which left me with all short virgin hair. The feeling of my hair was completely different and in a lot of ways I didn't like it. Needless to say, after a couple months I went right back to the bottle.

I really don't see the problem with using sulphates and cones if they work for you. For me at least the only major problems I've ever had with my hair have come from too much bleach or heat styling, not sulphates or cones.

Hairytale
September 25th, 2008, 02:00 PM
I'm afraid I got no special advice for you (besides watching your hair and what it likes, but it seems you're already doing that), but perhaps this will cheer you up a bit: the length around APL was the most horrible length for me. My hair didn't seem to grow and it didn't behave as I wanted it to do. Suddenly, it was creeping towards BSL and then it finally was BSL!
Now, just past BSL, it's the most wonderful length I ever had (never had longer hair).
So, what I want to say: keep your head up and be patient, even if it is very difficult, your patience will pay off! :cheese:Some cheese might also help. :cool:

hobbitgirl
September 25th, 2008, 02:05 PM
Do you take any meds or supplements? I know my hair got very thin when I had to be on medication for a year or so. It perked up after I got off the meds and managed to gain some weight.

Also, 100% naturual isn't for everyone I suppose, and there's no crime in it. I always said George Burns was a great example of someone whose body was meant to smoke. We're all put together differently.

Starr
September 25th, 2008, 02:16 PM
Just remember: Poison Ivy is natural, but that doesn't mean it's good for you. So are mosquitos, but they can still give you malaria.


It's important to remember that what may work for others may not work for you. . . that doesn't mean your way is wrong, it's just different. I'm a curly, my hair loves conditioner, hates shampoo, likes henna in moderation, and is indifferent to cones. My friend has straight classic length hair that she dyes black once a month, uses full sulfate shampoo on, and only conditions on occasion with cone laden conditioner- and her hair looks and feels great!

Flaxen
September 25th, 2008, 08:11 PM
Am I that abnormal that no natural homeopathic hair treatment does anything for me? I can't believe I'm alone in this, its almost an alienating feeling. I had desired so badly for natural things to work and kick out chemicals, but its just not happening.

You're not abnormal, and you're not alone. :grouphug: Have some cookies. :cookie: :cookie:

I've just spent the last...oh, three years or so trying to find a way to care for my hair with products I could make myself and which would NEVER be discontinued or reformulated. :steam *Ahem* I've only recently come to realize that it's not going to happen for me because they all make my hair look grades of terrible. I've gone back to ready-made products, as synthetic chemical-less as I can find because... well, why not, and I am thrilled with the results I'm getting. Thrilled, I say. :joy: Or, maybe I shouldn't say, otherwise the products will be discontinued or reformulated. :lol:

Anyway, one very wise LHCer, who also just happens to have floor length hair, once said:
You have to use what works, not what you want to work. ~Lady Godiva

julya
September 25th, 2008, 08:59 PM
Flaxen, I am worried about products that I like getting discontinued too. That's why I've tried so hard to make WO work for me. It didn't. Now when I find a shampoo or conditioner I like I buy 3 or 4 bottles. At least I have a stash that will last a few months.

And Kirin, like Starr said, just because something is natural doesn't mean that it is good for you. Like lemon juice, it's natural, but I wouldn't put it on my hair. Stick with the cones and normal shampoo if it makes you love your hair.

Teacherbear
September 25th, 2008, 09:29 PM
Kirin, don't fret so much. I've tried a number of things but finally found what works for my hair: Giovanni Smooth as Silk shampoo, SAS conditioner, Direct Leave In. Sometimes I'll do a CO. Very rarely I'll use some other product on my hair.

I've abandoned oil, heat treatments, vinegar rinses, protein. I'm just glad that I like my routine and that I don't have to keep trying something new! :)

Find what your hair likes and stick with it. Whatever it is! :cheese:

spidermom
September 25th, 2008, 09:32 PM
CO is no more "natural" than mainstream shampoo-and-conditioner. Shampoo bars and baking soda are both alkaline and will lift the hair's cuticle--not good. I know for some people, shampoo bars or baking soda keep their scalp happy. But it upsets the hair, at least while washing. The ACV rinse, on the other hand, is acid, and will cause the cuticle to close again. Since you react badly to ACV, just stay away from shampoo bars and baking soda. (I personally don't get the shampoo bar=natural assertion, either. Yeah, you can do it at home, but that doesn't make it "natural". There is a caustic substance and a chemical reaction required to make soap... Ok, stepping down and away from that particular :soapbox:soapbox now.)


Thank you so much for posting this. I thought I was the only LHCer not in favor of using alkaline products like soap on hair specifically because it forces the cuticle to open, which, like you said, is NOT good. (plus the sliminess of soap creeps me out) The scalp doesn't like alkaline products, either.

Longlove
September 25th, 2008, 10:16 PM
I'm certainly not an expert. But is it possible that you have dry/damaged ends that are breaking off, thereby minimizing the appearance of the growth that is happening?

Just like my skin, my hair freaks out when I try a several different things in a short span of time.

Try to relax....the "cone cops" won't come after you. :)

Katze
September 26th, 2008, 02:21 AM
Thank you so much for posting this. I thought I was the only LHCer not in favor of using alkaline products like soap on hair specifically because it forces the cuticle to open, which, like you said, is NOT good. (plus the sliminess of soap creeps me out) The scalp doesn't like alkaline products, either.

I have to second this. My sensitive scalp does better when it's left alone, or, for a reset, gets a vinegar rinse. On the other hand, a deep shampooing with sulfates also seems necessary a couple times a month or so....go figure...