View Full Version : Hair/Life Crisis!!

April 1st, 2014, 06:32 PM
I'm in a period of transition and I feel lost in almost every way. I'm really uncomfortable with the way I look, and I have been gradually (gradually because I'm super broke all the time) trying to fix that and look the way I want to look.

I have thin, limp hair, its about bra strap length, but looks shorter because of its thinness. I do not have money for fancy products or hair toys. I don't have excessive amounts of time, but I do have a fair amount. I'm fairly young, I like trendy hairstyles and I don't like a lot of the bun hairstyles I have seen on this website, partly because my hair is so thin they look silly. I have random shampoo and conditioner from the dollarstore. I wash maybe twice or three times a week and condition every time I get my hair wet, I follow all the right rules, no heat, metal free hair ties, wide tooth comb. The only product I use is a silicone based anti frizz cheap thing and a hairspray (for work)

I'm simply not happy with the way my hair looks most of the time. When I leave it alone and do nothing with it (air dry, no braids etc) it's boring and flat and thin and just not good (not what I want) I've tried hundreds of different heatless curl methods, they just don't work for me, they are always frizzy and way too messy and over curled and they just never work. I've tried heatless volume methods and they usually don't work, large curlers work a bit, but the effort isn't the worth the mediocre result. My hair is too thin to pull off the trendy braided styles I see.

I usually keep my hair in a bun on top of my head, occasionally with one french or english braid at night. I'm super unsatisfied and insecure about my hair and want to fix it!!! I know growth is just a matter of patience and consistency (I want another 4-5 inches) Style can be helped though. I was thinking of buying a blow dryer and learning how to style my hair that way, only doing it once a week and then just maintaining it until I wash/deep condition/whatever with decent products and not dollar store products. (I can get them on sale at winners, like marshalls) I also might use rollers with the hair dryer.

tl:dr: Would I seriously impede my quest for longer hair by doing a protected blow out once a week? Would this damage it too much and destroy my growth? Once a week with protectants and deep conditioners. Has anyone else done anything like this? Has anyone successfully made their hair feel/look thicker and less limp and thin? also my hair is fairly blunt cut with a few wispy bangs and dirty blonde almost brown/lighter on the ends.

How I want my hair to look:
like this (http://www.pinterest.com/pin/48554502207195698/), obviously my own colour though.

like this when it's up. (http://www.brandymelvilleusa.com/clothing/tops/aspen-tank-002.html)
with volume on both

April 1st, 2014, 06:38 PM
Well because your hair is fine it's actually extra delicate, so I wouldn't recommend the blow out. If we could see a photo we might be able to be more helpful to you.

One heatless curling/waving method I might recommend is braid waving or bun waving (damp bun or damp braid, allow to dry, lovely waves).

I can also suggest the use of rats (basically a hair net filled with your shed hair, though you can buy commercial ones if you think that's gross) can be used to add volume on top, and sock buns for a bigger bun.

April 1st, 2014, 06:42 PM
It's not really fine, its medium thickness, I just don't have a lot of it, its healthy too. Bun waving gives me a frizzed out mess, and I don't like the look of braid waves on my hair. I've been trying for years with heatless curls and I'm done trying and being disappointed.

I've been using a hair donut, and yeah you're right it does help in buns! What do you think about curling irons? Would they be more or less damaging then blow dryers?
Thank you for replying!!

April 1st, 2014, 06:48 PM
I have thin, fine hair and I find that French braids give me volume that lasts almost a full day without any kind of product enhancement, and the waves end up being more like curls than waves, at least for me. Although I am currently in the process of trying to learn to do a French braid, so mine probably aren't totally "correct" right now.

April 1st, 2014, 06:54 PM
Are you sure you're 1A? I ask because of the frizz. You mentioned that you wash 2 or 3 times a week and condition every time you get your hair wet. Have you done the hair typing? Your results sound like many people who have waves but brush them out and are left w/ frizz.

After your next wash, try to add a tiny bit of oil to the ends, some gel to the roots, flip your hair over and clip loosely to the top of your head, allow to dry this way. if nothing else, it would give you volume in your roots. If you do have some waves, this might encourage them to come out to play.

April 1st, 2014, 06:57 PM
Also not to get all amature psychiatrist on you, but you mentioned you're in a transitional period in your life, is it your hair that's making you miserable or are you putting your stress on your hair?

Nadine <3
April 1st, 2014, 06:59 PM
I blow dried my hair trying to achieve the same thing. It was great for awhile but then my hair started breaking off and becoming frizzy everywhere. I wouldn't recommend it. I found that the best thing for my hair was just keeping it healthy, damp buns and braids for pretty waves. I'm sure you hair looks better than you think as we tend to be really hard on ourselves. I thought my hair was horrible until I joined here and started learning how to work with my hair, instead of getting up every morning and try to beat it into something that it is not.

April 1st, 2014, 07:05 PM
Seconding the question about your hair type. I thought I had straight hair until I came here. It turns out that my frizz and my 'bad hair' was really waviness trying to come out! I'm so much happier with my hair now that I know my hair type and I can deal with my hair properly.

Also, a lot of the hair care here is really inexpensive. For example, coconut oil made a huge difference on my hair. Just by the pure, cold-pressed type in a big jar. It should be less than $10 for a jar that will last you over a year (its hard for me to estimate since I use it for both hair and skin -- my jar is going strong 9 months later).

Heat may seem like a temporary fix, but will cause more damage long-term. I would suggest you consider re-evaluating your hair type first. Others may have some good suggestions for you too.

April 1st, 2014, 07:11 PM
Just thought I would suggest putting your hair into a french twist using a claw clip, and letting the ends stick out above the claw clip and maybe pulling some long side bangs out to frame your face? Hoop earrings or studs create a pretty sparkle or shine and some makeup and don't forget your lipstick! :) Best of luck to you. This too shall pass. This has been a horrible cold winter for many people. Try to get some fresh air and go for a walk outside if you can. This will make a world of difference!

April 1st, 2014, 07:13 PM
Curling irons would be more damaging than blowdryers.
My worry is if you feel hair "just hangs there" now then you may find it does more so when longer and has more weight. The hair is going to look the same, just longer since you wont be able to change the texture or type. I think once you learn to love you hair texture you will feel much better. Most people who say they dont like their hair type I mostly find do not realize others are yearning for it. I imagine you hair is gorgeous as is and you just arent seeing it.

If you really are that unhappy and cannot seem to find a heatless method you like perhaps try blowing it out using a cooler setting and then add a bit more heat at the roots and lift with round brush. It could offer some bounce and shine to the hair. As far as damage, yes blowdrying can damage but it doesn't have to be a no no. It will depend on you own individual hair type. I know several people with waist plus hair that blow dry and hair looks great. Then I know some with short hair and their hair looks parched. It varies but you can reduce the look of damage by waiting until hair is mostly dry before blowdrying, use heat protectant, and brush gently when styling.
Have you tried just bloedrying the bangs with a round brish and leaving the rest? Sometime having the bangs set right changes the whole look. If you plan on keeping bangs short you can feel better about stlying just those. Maybe loose bun bun, dry the bangs, let the bun down and just fluff it on cool for a few seconds? I do that a lot to spare my hair and I feel ok when just the front is styled.

As far as heat free, have you tried lightly oiling it a bit than damp bunning? I have ultra frizzy and can reduce a lot of frizz doing that (hair is too short now but it used to work)
The oil and bunning when lightly damp makes a big difference for me. It I do it soaking wet or without oil I get crazy bends in my hair :/

As Maderia said the donut will fill the bun.. That could get you the look in the second picture right away and then maybe you will enjoy so much you won't have to worry about heat styles so often. You can just do it on the days you want to wear hair down and styled. If that ends up being a few times a month it still isn't that often. Blowdryers on a medium to cool setting aren't that hot. You just will need to watch and see how your own hair reacts.

You could also try steam rollers to get the loose curls you seek. I myself have a hard time with heat free methods not working for me but I always hope when hair gets longer that will change. Which methods have your tried? I recall seeing some pics here of looser curls. Maybe the ones you are trying are too tight? I will see if I can find their method.

I wish you the best in finding something that makes you happy :)

April 1st, 2014, 07:36 PM
Thanks everyone! To address some of the questions,
I'm sure its straight, its only frizzy when I try any kind of heatless curl. It just comes out bent and gross.
Kina- I will try that out! Thank you!

MadeiraD- I've let my appearance fall to the wayside for almost 3 years now, not caring at all what I wear or how I look. I'm sure its my appearance that is bothering me, I'm sure I wouldn't feel so bad about it if my life was also perfect, but I know it does bother me and looking better makes me feel better.

My hair has waves when it is layered and short, but it is blunt cut and longer now and it almost pin straight.

LongCurlyTress- that's not really my style and I can't wear earrings because I have stretched loves, but that sounds very pretty and I thank you for the encouragement!

ErinLeigh- This is exactly my concern, the longer it gets, it's still going to be the same texture, so that's why I want to use heat to style it, now and when its my goal length.
I don't actually have a blow dryer right now, and it will be kind of a big purchase. I also need a proper haircut, I cut my own bangs and they don't look terrible but they are too thin to do much with.

I have tried all kinds of damp bunning, my hair either comes out bendy and awkward and frizzy and overcurled, or it does nothing but make my hair feel dry.

I have tried any kind of heatless curling you can think of. If you can think of it, I've tried it. Rag, sock, foam curlers, sponge curlers, velcro culers, pin curls, barrel pin curls, bendy rollers, braids, buns, headband, twists. etc etc etc

Thanks again, I think I've come to the conclusion that I can handle a little bit of heat as I'm growing it out, and more when I don't care about it growing longer. I want to enjoy my hair, that's the reason I'm growing it, and I don't fully align with the super hyper careful techniques and attitude of this community. I don't care if my hair is a little damaged as long as it looks good and feels good and I like it.

I think I'll buy a dryer and use it weekly.

April 1st, 2014, 07:46 PM
The only other thing I can think to suggest is damp curling dirty hair (I find that a bit of grease really avoids frizz when I curl)

April 1st, 2014, 07:57 PM
Everyone's hair is different. You will have to experiment a bit using heat. Your hair may be resilient and able to handle a blow out once or twice a week. Plenty of people grow their hair long while still using heat! Not everyone's hair type can, though. Keep the receipt in case you decide to return the hair dryer. :)
Also maybe you need a bit less conditioner. My hair gets very flat when I use too much conditioner. I really only need a little on the ends of my hair. You could try pampering yourself a bit, too. Scalp massages would be really relaxing and encourage growth.

April 1st, 2014, 08:09 PM
You can always blowdry it on warm instead of on high. If your skin can handle the temp, your hair probably can too.