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View Full Version : Long hairs: do you ever feel stereotyped or objectified because of your hair?



LongHairLesbian
March 28th, 2014, 04:52 PM
I like my long hair, but I don't always like the stereotypes people associate with it. I've gotten that I must be "easy" based on my hair length, I constantly get that I must be straight based on my hair length. When I was at work one time, a person complimented me on how long my hair was and how pretty my dress looked, which I appreciated. But then they said "it's nice to see a girl that looks and dresses like a lady, too many girls nowadays are giving up their femininity". Just because I choose to have long hair and wear dresses, doesn't mean that I believe all women should dress as I do, and I don't subscribe to the idea that girls/women should "dress/look like ladies", as if that only means one thing. I feel a bit objectified when people make comments about how "feminine" and "lady like" I am based on my hair length, like I do it to please them or "decorate their world", as the old LHC saying goes.

Do any other long haired ladies experience this? Do you embrace the stereotypes, or do you reject them?

LunaLuvsU
March 28th, 2014, 05:28 PM
I happen to line up with the classic or stereotypical feminine, my hair included. I love having my hair long because it does make me feel more elegant and feminine but I dont think all ladies have to or should. In my opinion there are different kinds of femininity. All in all I think its just up to us to help teach people that they are incorrect. Ignorance fuels stereotypes. If you ever run in to someone who makes a rude or offensive comment I think you, and everyone else, should politely tell them that you find it hurtful. I've learned that when you yell at people for making such comments, especially the ones that dont know or think about the fact that it can be taken as rude, they tend to not hear your words but your anger instead.

MadeiraD
March 28th, 2014, 05:32 PM
It definitely gets me read as straight more than I like (I am totally a bada** barbarian prince, even in heels and a dress *grumble mutter*) and so more traditional than I like, combine with the heels and elaborate makeup people tend not to think I spend much time thinking, or that I'm not as much of an angry angry rage filled feminist as I am, and people tend to assume my husband is dumb or dangerous because of his hair

cheetahfast
March 28th, 2014, 05:54 PM
Hmm, more often than not people who do not know me assume I am gay :shrug:.

I tend to dress in girly dresses, but wear combat boots instead of heels. I'm fairly certain that my hair length is not taken into account.
So far I've never felt objectified because of my hair. I guess one could argue that my BF does objectify me a bit when it is down since he loves it so much (like he goes crazy).

However, I really think it is sweet how much he loves my hair :crush:. Plus, I can use it to my advantage :lol: :wink:.

chen bao jun
March 28th, 2014, 05:57 PM
I am very feminine and always have been. I do like to dress and look like a lady, I love pink (it's my favorite color) and I've always loved doing all the stereotypical feminine things. I used to get flack for this, even from my own mother, who is really a tomboy (though she's 82. She climbed trees until her late 70's, something I can't even imagine trying). I went to boy's schools (I was like the second class of girls in my high school and we were a real minority and I went to an Ivy League really soon after they 'integrated') and all the other women were like, we should do everything just like men to prove we are as good as men, and I was like, I'm as good as anybody but I never wanted to be a man or be anything like a man in my life. I love being a girly girl. Period. Fullstop.
I never did find that wearing short hair and tailored clothes and refusing to have children until very late in life and all of the things they used to say we had to do 'not to let women down' actually made any professor or anyone else behave as if we were NOT women. If they were prejudiced against women, they were just as prejudiced against the ones in pants with no jewelry as they were against the ones wearing frills and pearls (me, even back in the 70's). the only way they got less prejudiced was by seeing you could do the work, which I always could. And THAT has nothing to do with what you are wearing or how you present. I was always one of the two or three with the best grades in the class and no one can argue with THAT.
I like to get on people's nerves. Recently I was on an oh-so-important board at my Ivy League school and here we were in the 2000s and all the women still all insecure and worried about not being treated well and all stiff in their little suits, pantsuits usually with short hair. I just sat at every board meeting wearing a dress and would pull my knitting out of a bag and knit and knit while everybody else pretended they were taking notes on their ipads. At the end my term they were like so shocked that I had also accomplished something they had been trying to get done for about 20 years and had made no headway on, ever--along with a lot of completed socks and hats (which I donate to orphans).
Too funny.
P.S. when I left the board several other people had started knitting during meetings.
Eleanor Roosevelt actually used to knit at meetings all the time. It focuses your attention, actually, to be doing something mindless with your hands. Men should take it up, too, in my opinion.
P.S.S.In my house growing up, my mom was the tomboy and my dad sewed the curtains and sewed my buttons back on and took me out shopping to accessorize my clothing (my mom can't stand doing that). Of course he also repaired the cars and pipes and worked out all the time so that he was solid muscle, and a perfectly masculine man.

Vrindi
March 28th, 2014, 06:24 PM
I am very feminine and always have been. I do like to dress and look like a lady, I love pink (it's my favorite color) and I've always loved doing all the stereotypical feminine things. I used to get flack for this, even from my own mother, who is really a tomboy (though she's 82. She climbed trees until her late 70's, something I can't even imagine trying). I went to boy's schools (I was like the second class of girls in my high school and we were a real minority and I went to an Ivy League really soon after they 'integrated') and all the other women were like, we should do everything just like men to prove we are as good as men, and I was like, I'm as good as anybody but I never wanted to be a man or be anything like a man in my life. I love being a girly girl. Period. Fullstop.
I never did find that wearing short hair and tailored clothes and refusing to have children until very late in life and all of the things they used to say we had to do 'not to let women down' actually made any professor or anyone else behave as if we were NOT women. If they were prejudiced against women, they were just as prejudiced against the ones in pants with no jewelry as they were against the ones wearing frills and pearls (me, even back in the 70's). the only way they got less prejudiced was by seeing you could do the work, which I always could. And THAT has nothing to do with what you are wearing or how you present. I was always one of the two or three with the best grades in the class and no one can argue with THAT.
I like to get on people's nerves. Recently I was on an oh-so-important board at my Ivy League school and here we were in the 2000s and all the women still all insecure and worried about not being treated well and all stiff in their little suits, pantsuits usually with short hair. I just sat at every board meeting wearing a dress and would pull my knitting out of a bag and knit and knit while everybody else pretended they were taking notes on their ipads. At the end my term they were like so shocked that I had also accomplished something they had been trying to get done for about 20 years and had made no headway on, ever--along with a lot of completed socks and hats (which I donate to orphans).
Too funny.
P.S. when I left the board several other people had started knitting during meetings.
Eleanor Roosevelt actually used to knit at meetings all the time. It focuses your attention, actually, to be doing something mindless with your hands. Men should take it up, too, in my opinion.
P.S.S.In my house growing up, my mom was the tomboy and my dad sewed the curtains and sewed my buttons back on and took me out shopping to accessorize my clothing (my mom can't stand doing that). Of course he also repaired the cars and pipes and worked out all the time so that he was solid muscle, and a perfectly masculine man.

This is awesome :) I actually know more guys who knit than girls. Only one of them is gay, the rest made their girlfriends teach them.
I wear less girly things to work because 1) I'm carrying equipment and heels don't work with cameras and cables, and 2) it keeps most people from trying to grab my equipment out of my hands to "help", and 3) it's just more comfortable to wear kicks, jeans, and a t-shirt while I work. But I love looking pretty and have no problem with it. I totally ignore people who try to fit me into stereotypes. A lot of things I do are stereotypical, and a lot of the things I do are definitely not, so good luck trying to cram me into one.

LunaLuvsU
March 28th, 2014, 07:03 PM
I totally ignore people who try to fit me into stereotypes. A lot of things I do are stereotypical, and a lot of the things I do are definitely not, so good luck trying to cram me into one.
Same here! Im quite feminine but there are quite of few things I like that wouldn't be considered feminine like archery, parkour, being totally anti heels, running around in the woods or mud barefoot, etc. We are who we are and I think people should learn to not expect a certain personality, likes, dislikes, and morals because of how they look. A big pet peeve is when people think woman should be the classic feminine.

spidermom
March 28th, 2014, 07:04 PM
No, but honestly I let people have their assumptions and don't go out of my way to confirm or deny unless directly asked. I'd rather remain a mystery.

EdG
March 28th, 2014, 07:49 PM
A long time ago on jury duty, during juror selection, I was dismissed by the prosecuting attorney. Both the prosecution and defense can dismiss a certain number of jurors without stating any reasons. The prosecution undoubtedly thought that I would side with the defendant.

That was a rare instance in which I was happy with a long-hair stereotype. :lol:
Ed

truepeacenik
March 28th, 2014, 10:13 PM
Objectified?
Honey, I have red hair. I've been objectified all my life.
And that was without length.

Sarahlabyrinth
March 28th, 2014, 10:28 PM
Probably, but let them think what they like. People are so quick to judge others because of what they look like/don't look like and generally come up with completely false assumptions.

I can't control the way others think but I try to be non judgemental myself. It's not always easy and sometimes I fail but - I do try.

HoneyDayTripper
March 28th, 2014, 11:57 PM
I do think sometimes I get taken less seriously when it's down. I noticed when I chopped it collar bone length people seemed to take me more seriously.

RoseofCimarron
March 29th, 2014, 12:23 AM
Personally, I don't mind being labeled or thought of as "feminine" because I have long hair. I actually like being thought of as feminine because I didn't look feminine at all for so many years. I do get questions about what religion I am based on my hair length. People can think what they want about me, I usually don't really care. The thing I really hate though is when people I know (and sometimes family) say, "If you ever cut/dye your hair, I will never talk to you again." or "I won't like you anymore if you cut your hair." When people say things like that it almost makes me wonder if that is all I am to the world, just someone with long hair. Not that being someone with long hair isn't pretty darn awesome :), but I would like to hear that people like me for me, not my hair.

DancingQueen
March 29th, 2014, 01:53 AM
I hear a lot of these comments about being 'objectified', especially from women. There is this general 'I am not here to decorate your world' attitude. I think that often, us women misunderstand it when people compliment us. I think this is some leftover feminist thing, that we do by habit. No, we don't have to dress a certain way - but why is it so bad if other people think that we look good or feminine?

Personally, I am happy if people tell me I look good. I dress for myself, and no, it is not my main purpose to decorate their world. But I don't mind if I do.

I don't think she necessarily assumed that you wanted everyone else to dress a certain way - she just liked the way you dressed. It doesn't mean that she found every other style ugly - maybe she just had a preference. :) Being called easy is another thing - I would just ignore those comments as ignorance.

Personally, I would be happy to receive that compliment - I am trying to get in touch with my more feminine side, and I like to 'dress like a lady'. It doesn't mean everyone else have to do that. But maybe that is because I was the ugly duckling growing up, and never really felt pretty. I was often stereotyped as a dork/geek/nerd because of my crazy hair (and probably because I was smart, and actually liked school - I know.) A classmate once told me I had witch-hair. :)

Bagginslover
March 29th, 2014, 03:15 AM
I hear a lot of these comments about being 'objectified', especially from women. There is this general 'I am not here to decorate your world' attitude. I think that often, us women misunderstand it when people compliment us. I think this is some leftover feminist thing, that we do by habit. No, we don't have to dress a certain way - but why is it so bad if other people think that we look good or feminine?

Personally, I am happy if people tell me I look good. I dress for myself, and no, it is not my main purpose to decorate their world. But I don't mind if I do.

I don't think she necessarily assumed that you wanted everyone else to dress a certain way - she just liked the way you dressed. It doesn't mean that she found every other style ugly - maybe she just had a preference. :) Being called easy is another thing - I would just ignore those comments as ignorance.

Personally, I would be happy to receive that compliment - I am trying to get in touch with my more feminine side, and I like to 'dress like a lady'. It doesn't mean everyone else have to do that. But maybe that is because I was the ugly duckling growing up, and never really felt pretty. I was often stereotyped as a dork/geek/nerd because of my crazy hair (and probably because I was smart, and actually liked school - I know.) A classmate once told me I had witch-hair. :)

Top bit of bolding (mine)-could not agree more!!!

Everything I do, I do it for myself, or because I want to, not because its expected of me as a person, or gender. If someone thinks I'm something I'm not because of my actions, great, that just shows them up for the judgemental fool that they are, and it really doesn't bother me.

I can't say that I've ever felt objectified though, and especially not called 'easy' for having long hair!

ErinLeigh
March 29th, 2014, 03:24 AM
Obviously I cant comment on the hair thing but I find the topic so fascinating I want to post. Interesting topic and I love reading responses in these type of threads. Everyone has such unique views!

I think it is human nature to want to categorize the people we meet. People create opinions on based on their own comfort level or biases (depending how they view the world) They need to define, they need to "figure you out." It is a survival instinct to size others or situations up quickly. Are they right? Not really, but people are always going to put you where they need you to be in their emotional bubble anyway, so I do not waste energy trying to prove them wrong unless I have a really good reason.

I really do not care how random people view me, as long as they see me as considerate. I only care about accuracy if their opinions truly matter to me. Examples: Partner, boss, family, friends.
I do not care if some random person thinks I am nerdy, pretty, ugly, feminine, democrat, republican, straight, gay. It doesn't change my life at all. I also don't assume just because someone calls me "hon" or "sweetie" that they are trying to be disrespectful or demeaning. As long as I feel safe, or don't get a bad vibe, I am ok with being put into their mental box. I want people to have a general positive feeling about me as a person, but I am not in a hurry to have them "know me" and what I "stand for." I find that personal and would rather keep that to myself until I care enough to share.

As long as I do not get the sense they are trying to target and define me for hatred I am "meh" about it all. Peoples reactions and words during initial encounters rarely give away their true feelings/ thoughts anyway, so why make myself crazy trying to assume I know how they are labeling me?

Looking back I cared a lot about how others saw me when younger, and lost that feeling somewhere along the way while aging. I do not know if it is a protective mechanism or if time just made me more jaded.

chen bao jun
March 29th, 2014, 07:24 AM
Really you can get upset about anything. As I wrote in another thread, I tend to get upset because people are always telling me I'm pretty (feels like as the first,last and only thing). I feel like that has nothing to do with who I am inside and I don't want to be treated either worse or better (both things happen) because of the accident that the features I got genetically (not through any work or effort) happen to match up with what society thinks is attractive at this period of time. sometimes I really feel offended and I'm glad my husband is around to settle me down--He's like,you're thinking too much, people are trying to be nice and giving you what most people consider a compliment, just say thanks and feel grateful!
I love him because he really knows me and loves who I am inside, including that I'm tense, obsessive compulsive and VERY easily offended--and always think that something is wrong with me. Over critical.
I tend to always feel that people see this exterior and then think all these nice things about me and that when they get to know me, it will be like UGH!

Lucky_Lucy
March 29th, 2014, 07:34 AM
Something that I get a lot is people assume I am straight just because I look *a bit feminine*. Though I rarely wear dresses or skirts, and I am in no way "girly", I do tend to wear make up often and well, I have long hair(it isn't THAT long, but still). Something else that I personally hate is being treated too much like a girl..as in people(men) offering to carry my stuff, or things like that, as if I can't do it myself! + most people look at me wide-eyed when they find out I'm gay; I was tempted to cut my hair short just so I wouldn't get those surprised looks anymore! But I thought better of it...it doesn't matter what others think after all.

jacqueline101
March 29th, 2014, 07:41 AM
I wear my hair up all the time I do it so strange people won't gawk at it. People who don't know me can assume whatever they want. I don't pay attention to people's opinions.

Beborani
March 29th, 2014, 09:45 AM
Well I am Indian so the stereotype is somewhat different--amongst Indians it would be that I am not 'modern' and amongst non-Indians it would be that "Oh she is indian so must be traditional". I am also old enough not to be bothered by assumptions by strangers. I also get mistaken for hispanic with my hair down. I find that mildly interesting. I dont mind decorating the world as long as it is not expected of me.

Stormynights
March 29th, 2014, 09:57 AM
I do dress for other people. If I only dressed for myself I would live in sweats during the winter and shorts in the summer. That is what I wear at home, but when I go out I try to look a little better. I would never want to embarrass my DH or other family members, besides, I have seen those Wal-Mart people emails.

Crumpet
March 29th, 2014, 10:27 AM
P.S. when I left the board several other people had started knitting during meetings.
Eleanor Roosevelt actually used to knit at meetings all the time. It focuses your attention, actually, to be doing something mindless with your hands. Men should take it up, too, in my opinion.
P.S.S.In my house growing up, my mom was the tomboy and my dad sewed the curtains and sewed my buttons back on and took me out shopping to accessorize my clothing (my mom can't stand doing that). Of course he also repaired the cars and pipes and worked out all the time so that he was solid muscle, and a perfectly masculine man.

Chen -- you are awesome beyond belief! I love it when people are just who they are and make no fuss about it. You are amazing.

HazelBug
March 29th, 2014, 02:06 PM
I've always liked to embrace femininity. But I also embrace practicality. So I dress comfortable but more feminine. I also love the femininity that can be brought out with long hair. But nobody has ever said anything strange to me when my hair was long. I only ever got compliments. Maybe I just don't see it because it isn't something that would stand out to me though. I dunno. I've made comments about not a lot of ladies having long hair to other long haired women. But it's an observation. I might say that not a lot of men have long hair either. It's pointing out the rarity of something beautiful be it on a man or woman. I hope that saying something like that doesn't upset anyone. I am a big admirer of long hair, long or interesting beards, and unusual or colorful hair styles.

Crumpet
March 29th, 2014, 02:21 PM
I'm built like a ballerina so people usually assume I'm some sort of delicate blossom (lots of tough ballerinas out there, by the way). In reality, I have both a feminine side and a tomboy, tough side, which is especially visible due to my career and sport hobbies. I embrace the contrast and tend to be more amused than offended when people make assumptions about me when they first see me. These assumptions are dependent upon context, which makes them even more amusing. Humor goes a long way for me!

LauraLongLocks
March 29th, 2014, 04:19 PM
Very interesting reading through these posts.

I've always enjoyed and embraced my femininity, and I am very traditional. I like to wear my hair long, wear dresses/skirts, pretty accessories, makeup, and jewelry and have my toenails painted (I'll skip the fingernails though... I just prefer them short because I'm too practical). I am also tough, and will do the dirty, gross jobs that no one else will do. I just put on my overalls first so I don't mess up my nicer clothes. I'm not squeamish at all, and tend to be the one that rolls my eyes when other females squeal about something being gross or dirty. I also work hard, and have seen my share of life's hardships.

I believe I am beautiful, because I've been told all my life that I am. The thing about outer beauty that I dislike is that I wonder if the only thing people notice about me is how I look. I have a brain and a heart and I'm a real person underneath the olive tone skin, pretty smile, and long dark hair. Even when my husband tells me I'm beautiful, I get frustrated that he's not telling me how clever I am, or that he's not noticing how hard I work, or the wonderful cook that I am, or that I have a serving spirit and give myself endlessly to the care of our large family. I know my husband sees the inner me, but if he doesn't tell me so often enough, I tend to feel like I'm just a piece of meat, only worth whatever pleasure I can give him physically, and how I look on his arm in public. It's really all in my head, I'm sure, but being pretty makes one wonder if that's all people see in you.

At the end of my life, I hope more is said of me than I was beautiful, and had long flowing locks of hair.

makeminea99
March 29th, 2014, 04:54 PM
Very interesting reading through these posts.

I've always enjoyed and embraced my femininity, and I am very traditional. I like to wear my hair long, wear dresses/skirts, pretty accessories, makeup, and jewelry and have my toenails painted (I'll skip the fingernails though... I just prefer them short because I'm too practical). I am also tough, and will do the dirty, gross jobs that no one else will do. I just put on my overalls first so I don't mess up my nicer clothes. I'm not squeamish at all, and tend to be the one that rolls my eyes when other females squeal about something being gross or dirty. I also work hard, and have seen my share of life's hardships.

I believe I am beautiful, because I've been told all my life that I am. The thing about outer beauty that I dislike is that I wonder if the only thing people notice about me is how I look. I have a brain and a heart and I'm a real person underneath the olive tone skin, pretty smile, and long dark hair. Even when my husband tells me I'm beautiful, I get frustrated that he's not telling me how clever I am, or that he's not noticing how hard I work, or the wonderful cook that I am, or that I have a serving spirit and give myself endlessly to the care of our large family. I know my husband sees the inner me, but if he doesn't tell me so often enough, I tend to feel like I'm just a piece of meat, only worth whatever pleasure I can give him physically, and how I look on his arm in public. It's really all in my head, I'm sure, but being pretty makes one wonder if that's all people see in you.

At the end of my life, I hope more is said of me than I was beautiful, and had long flowing locks of hair.

Very well put.

CremeTron
March 29th, 2014, 05:44 PM
I do dress for other people. If I only dressed for myself I would live in sweats during the winter and shorts in the summer. That is what I wear at home, but when I go out I try to look a little better. I would never want to embarrass my DH or other family members, besides, I have seen those Wal-Mart people emails.

So funny! Also true.

Chen Bao- your posts were awesome!!! Love your perspective.

CremeTron
March 29th, 2014, 05:46 PM
I dont mind decorating the world as long as it is not expected of me. Agreed.

So many great posts in this thread. If I quoted every post that resonated it would be another 2 pages long..

emilylightning
March 29th, 2014, 05:57 PM
Definitely!!! My hair's not even that long and I just cut it too, but people are always going to assume I identify as female due to my hair length.
I'm really sick of long hair being categorized as "feminine" and masculinity being "default." Even if I figured I was a trans man, I'd be a long haired trans man! I will be a long hair no matter what gender i identify as! My father is a long hair so I do associate long hair of certain styles with masculinity and androgyny.

Also, I feel like a lot of people objectify women with long hair and that makes me very uneasy. :( People have turned long hair into a fetish and that's pretty icky imo

MadeiraD
March 29th, 2014, 06:16 PM
Definitely!!! My hair's not even that long and I just cut it too, but people are always going to assume I identify as female due to my hair length.
I'm really sick of long hair being categorized as "feminine" and masculinity being "default." Even if I figured I was a trans man, I'd be a long haired trans man! I will be a long hair no matter what gender i identify as! My father is a long hair so I do associate long hair of certain styles with masculinity and androgyny.

Also, I feel like a lot of people objectify women with long hair and that makes me very uneasy. :( People have turned long hair into a fetish and that's pretty icky imo

I know how you feel the gendered aspect drives me batty, my dad has sometimes been a longhair, my husband is a longhair... it shouldn't be gendered. I also agree with the being fetishized thing I mean admittedly I find people with long hair more attractive (short hair on men especially has always been something that kind of "ruins" it for me) but I try not to be gross about my preferences (though I will admit to staring at men with pretty hair in public from time to time) but treating someone's choices about their appearence as if they were made to please YOU is a little gross

Danu
March 29th, 2014, 06:29 PM
@}-`-}-,-'- príobháideach -'-,-{-`-{@

cherrybird
March 29th, 2014, 06:40 PM
My hair has never been at super lengths, but I did notice I was cat-called a lot more when I wore my hair at BSL. When I wore my hair short and worked in a greenhouse I was often mistaken for a boy - until I turned around. I can see now that it was mainly the "short hair is for men, long hair is for women" stereotype.
The second time I went for a big chop a regular customer (different workplace) felt he had to tell me that I would look much better with hair at shoulder length, and assured me he knew what he was talking about because he was a hair dresser. THAT is when I get annoyed, and his need to share his opinion with me, completely unasked, makes me identify with the LHC statement "I'm not here to decorate your world". I'm not going to grow or cut my hair just to make other people happy. I'm growing it because I want long hair.

And he was most certainly NOT a hairstylist.

Danu
March 29th, 2014, 07:11 PM
@}-`-}-,-'- príobháideach -'-,-{-`-{@

Scarlet_Heart
March 29th, 2014, 08:06 PM
No, but honestly I let people have their assumptions and don't go out of my way to confirm or deny unless directly asked. I'd rather remain a mystery.

This! I think as you get older, you naturally concern yourself less with how people perceive you (though not everyone). I used to worry about that a lot and now I lament the time wasted on it. Let people think or assume what they want. If you're happy with what you're doing, that's all that matters. You're the only one who has to live with yourself 24/7.

I really don't perceive anyone judging me on my hair alone, but I don't think about it much either.

MadeiraD
March 29th, 2014, 08:13 PM
When I would cut off my hair, I always have to withstand a lot of "OMG, it was so beautiful!", and just general horror. But... I came to terms with it, when I realized what it was like from their perspective. That don't have hair like mine, and can't do what I do. My family members enjoy talking about my hair, and when I chop it off, it's kind of a big deal. Especially to the women. And they never get used to it.

And honestly? I'm the same way. I hate to admit it. One of my boys has long hair. He lets it grow to waist, and then it falls to me to cut it off to shoulder blade for him. It kills me. I admit to trying to coax him to leave his gorgeous viking locks, long... but alas.

And I even admit that I would be a bit sad if my girls cut their hair. They would be gorgeous if they were both bald (and they were! LOL), but I admit to loving the classic length on my one girl, and the wild unruly curls on my other girl. I love their hair. and my husband... I'm not sure how I would take it if he cut his. It's been long for our 18 year relationship. I love his hair. I love him more, but still... :o


I'd be broken hearted if my husband ever cut off his mane. I'm always hoping he'll grow it longer (and giving him LHC advice to avoid breakage on his delicate bleached strands)

LauraLongLocks
March 29th, 2014, 08:14 PM
I don't mind it. What people see in me is a part of what I am. I am feminine. I am tribal.

So what if they don't realize that I can climb a tree in a blink? Or that I love to fish, and camping and backpacking delight me? There are a ton of things people don't know about me, when they see me. People who I pass when I'm out and about have no idea that I play the ukulele, was raised by my grandmother, lived in Alaska, have given birth at home or in water, love pomegranates, that the towering young man at my side is actually one of my kids, that I own an American mustang, that I'm a pool shark, or that I love Black Adder, or Jane Austen, or that I like a double-shot of espresso with vanilla syrup, that I'm an archer, a woodturner, a homeschooler, that I have raised a fawn, or that I have hunted for my own table. They have no idea that I was vegan for seven years, or that I have donated my hair five times, or that I always cry at anything even remotely tender. The things that make up me, go on and on. They can never know these things about me, unless I wish to inform them. I do not. I'm content to smile, say hello, and continue on my way. And therefore I have no reason to feel annoyed that someone sees me as feminine, pretty, ethnic, or otherwise. It doesn't matter if they think there is more or less to me. They are seeing a facet of myself, because that woman on the surface who has long hair, wears dresses, and has a weakness for pretty shoes... she's part of me too. When my neighbor sees me chopping firewood, I don't feel the sudden urge to explain to him that I'm usually in a dress. When my midwife is attending my birth, I don't feel the need make her understand that I'm not usually this unkempt and loud.

People see what they can see. And that's fine with me. I'm an extremely private person, and yes, my exterior is beautiful. They can see that part of me all they like. Only a few know the rest, and I have no desire to change that. And so what if I have decorated their world? Good. They decorate mine, though they would hardly know it. Fair trade.

Great perspective. I think I will sway my line of thinking to be more like yours.

cherrybird
March 29th, 2014, 08:15 PM
When I would cut off my hair, I always have to withstand a lot of "OMG, it was so beautiful!", and just general horror. But... I came to terms with it, when I realized what it was like from their perspective. That don't have hair like mine, and can't do what I do. My family members enjoy talking about my hair, and when I chop it off, it's kind of a big deal. Especially to the women. And they never get used to it.

And honestly? I'm the same way. I hate to admit it. One of my boys has long hair. He lets it grow to waist, and then it falls to me to cut it off to shoulder blade for him. It kills me. I admit to trying to coax him to leave his gorgeous viking locks, long... but alas.

And I even admit that I would be a bit sad if my girls cut their hair. They would be gorgeous if they were both bald (and they were! LOL), but I admit to loving the classic length on my one girl, and the wild unruly curls on my other girl. I love their hair. and my husband... I'm not sure how I would take it if he cut his. It's been long for our 18 year relationship. I love his hair. I love him more, but still... :o


I think it was more of the fact that I hardly knew him and I didn't ask for his opinion. A few friends expressed a similar one ("I liked your mane...") but I asked if they liked my cut, I value their opinions and they knew me beyond "girl who sells phones and has a haircut I dislike". I think "decoration" implies less of a personal relationship.

I understand when people admire their friends' and loved ones' hair! I probably wouldn't express my disappointment in their haircut unless we were family or something though.

Danu
March 29th, 2014, 08:25 PM
@}-`-}-,-'- príobháideach -'-,-{-`-{@

Danu
March 29th, 2014, 08:34 PM
@}-`-}-,-'- príobháideach -'-,-{-`-{@

cherrybird
March 29th, 2014, 08:44 PM
Well, that and wouldn't you be afraid of hurting someone's feelings? That always sort of stuns me. I know I may be too concerned about others' feelings at times, but truly... a negative comment can have such a negative effect. I was always amazed that people weren't concerned that telling me my hair WAS so beautiful, that it might not send me spiraling into tears... I mean... do you tell a pregnant woman that she used to be so skinny??? :confused:

So true! Especially when you don't know them well enough to express your disappointment in a tactful way. :rolleyes:

Autumn_Fairy
March 29th, 2014, 08:49 PM
Fortunately, the stereotype that goes with it mostly matches me, with some exception, so I don't mind so much. I'm trying to get back to my much longer hair again because I appreciated the way people responded to me when I had it.Stereotypes aren't such a bad thing imo. First impressions will always exist and stereotypes have to originate from somewhere so how can we expect everyone to be read immediately as a 'neutral' upon first encounter? I only consider it a problem if people continue to view me a particular way after having opportunity to learn more about me. Honestly ask yourself if you cannot look at any other person in the world without some preconceived notions based on stereotypes. I admit that I am guilty of this, but I make sure to keep it to myself and attempt to learn 'the truth' if and when the opportunity presents itself. I would never come right out and tell someone what I initially think they are or represent because I know that my thoughts are temporary opinions that are waiting for new information before I come to any definitive conclusions.

Danu
March 29th, 2014, 08:56 PM
@}-`-}-,-'- príobháideach -'-,-{-`-{@

breezefaerie
March 29th, 2014, 09:13 PM
I do feel sterotyped, yes.
I read as straight, and straightlaced to boot and I am neither. I fly under everyone's radar.
Most of the time I don't mind it as I'm an introvert and don't like attention focused on myself. As long as my partner loves my hair, and she does, I'm happy.

Wildcat Diva
March 29th, 2014, 09:15 PM
I am totally on board with Danu and Autumn Fairy. Completely agree with the thoughts expressed. Very well put.

Crumpet
March 29th, 2014, 09:35 PM
One thing I love on this thread is how many of you are confident about stating that you are beautiful. I think that is wonderful! Its good to see women confident in their bodies (and hair!) these days when so many have issues about their appearance.

Aderyn
March 30th, 2014, 12:10 AM
The only sort of stereotype I have ran across is those labelling me as more traditional or belonging to some sort of cult/being very religious. I don't get particularly offended by people saying I'm "traditional" as I do tend toward a more traditional female-role in relationships. Being classed as very religious kind of irks me a bit, though that's largely because I'm not religious, at all.

I don't wear makeup, dresses, jewelry, high heels or the like, so I'm not really classed as that sort of feminine (not that I dress like a tomboy, just not too fond of the super girly-girl style, I usually wear jeans/shirt/cardigan/flats/coat). My feminity extends beyond my wardrobe and as has been mentioned prior in this thread, is just one aspect of me, just one I personally prefer not to flaunt around. People are multi-faceted and it's a shame when one is simply reduced to just one aspect of them.

I don't see anything wrong with that, nor do I see anything wrong with embracing ones womanhood and feminity. Nothing wrong with embracing the tougher side of yourself either.

As for first impressions, I think we all tend to make a snap judgement the instant we meet someone, as is natural. Recognizing the limitations of that judgement, though, is invaluable.

Danu
March 30th, 2014, 02:46 AM
@}-`-}-,-'- príobháideach -'-,-{-`-{@

Siiri
March 30th, 2014, 04:21 AM
I think I finally have long enough hair to answer this thread :)

Actually, no, I don't feel like I have been stereotyped or objectified because of my hair length. I haven't noticed any difference when I'm wearing make up/no make up either. I have had short hair, and was treated the same way then as I am now. But here I feel it's not very common for people to go around and openly comment on other people's appearance (unless the're drunk) - or that's my personal experience in it.

veryhairyfairy
March 30th, 2014, 09:11 AM
I've been really enjoying the discussion in this thread! :flower:

I don't think I have enough personal experience with the topic, though, because I don't usually wear my hair down in public (and I never wear it down when I'm alone). Funny enough, one of the reasons for that choice was the possibility of stereotyping.

I came here to LHC with BSL hair, and one of the things that struck me was the fact that very long hair has societal connotations attached to it. I didn't know that was the case until then, and every experience I read of someone receiving hurtful comments, unwanted touches, aggressive attacks, even, worried me even more.

I worry that a professor will see my long, unkempt hair, and assume I am lazy or dirty or whatever else they associate with long unstyled hair, and then they'll have a bias based on a single aspect of my appearance! (this could affect me because if they see me as lazy they might suspect me of cheating when I get a good grade, etc)
Or a potential employer might think that I'm vain and high-maintenance (and so they don't hire me because they believe I won't work as hard), or males will assume something about my sexuality that gives them 'the right' to be inappropriate because I must want it... and the list goes on.

Now that I think about it, I have similar feelings about exposing my body shape. (I worry I'll be stereotyped based on how I look, and so much of the time I wear clothing that is unflattering and too large)

Wouldn't it be lovely if we could all stop worrying about how society will take possession of our appearance?

I will look to the previous posts of the confident and wonderful women on this board for inspiration in overcoming these fears. :)

sisi33
March 30th, 2014, 09:21 AM
Do I feel stereotyped for having long hair? Not so much. But this may be because I almost exclusively wear my hair up- so I fly under the radar as "uninteresting". Helps to weed people out, in my opinion. But o do notice that when I do wear my hair down, even in a geeky that I get a lot more attention, and people tend to treat me more like I'm a delicate little thing- which I'm not, even though I "look" it. If I were to wear a skirt, "girly" top, heels, and make-up, and ALSO have my hair up, I would have less attention for my femininity than the aforementioned jeans and shirt. :shrug: People are strange.

Frankly, I prefer the more agender treatment that having my hair up gives me.



It definitely gets me read as straight more than I like (I am totally a bada** barbarian prince, even in heels and a dress *grumble mutter*) and so more traditional than I like, combine with the heels and elaborate makeup people tend not to think I spend much time thinking, or that I'm not as much of an angry angry rage filled feminist as I am, and people tend to assume my husband is dumb or dangerous because of his hair
I'm pretty sure that I just fell a little in love with you. :p

RedNymph
March 30th, 2014, 09:32 AM
Objectified?
Honey, I have red hair. I've been objectified all my life.
And that was without length.

Preach. Doesn't matter what length it is, the stigma around our hair color will always be there.

Marika
March 30th, 2014, 10:00 AM
I think I finally have long enough hair to answer this thread :)

Actually, no, I don't feel like I have been stereotyped or objectified because of my hair length. I haven't noticed any difference when I'm wearing make up/no make up either. I have had short hair, and was treated the same way then as I am now. But here I feel it's not very common for people to go around and openly comment on other people's appearance (unless the're drunk) - or that's my personal experience in it.

As a fellow Finn, I agree 100 %. Maybe this is more of a cultural thing..?

Crumpet
March 30th, 2014, 03:31 PM
Danu -- I love what you said about how you are raising your daughters. It makes a difference to have evolved your own thoughts and feelings about beauty and feeling comfortable in yourself. I love it!

Toffeemonster
March 30th, 2014, 03:51 PM
Yeah I've been stereotyped/discriminated against believe it or not. We have gypsies here who would typically be the only ones with long hair, once a kid said to his parents that I looked like one(not meant as a compliment!) and a couple of times I noticed security staff in stores were basically following/watching me, and eventually realized it was because they thought I was a gypsy, who would be known for theft here. I don't dress at all like them so it took me a long time to realize that my hair gave people that impression.

LavenderStar
March 30th, 2014, 03:54 PM
I have felt the stereotype from various family members, in that because growing my hair corresponded with spiritual change and attending a different church then where I grew up... that I a being brainwashed into having my hair long or wearing skirts more often. I had an argument with my sister a while back....she had said that she wishes that I was the same as I was like 7 years ago...wearing tight pants, lower cut shirts, short funky coloured hair, Huge earrings, partying, etc. I had to say that I didn't want to do the things or dress the way I did before, and that I had started to grow my hair long before I decided to come to church.


I said, that you are not living in this body, you are not living this life.What right do you have to tell me how I wear my hair or how to dress?? None. She has not brought it up again.

Toffeemonster
March 30th, 2014, 04:07 PM
Oh and I find it funny, the different cultural stereotypes in reading this thread. I'd never associate long hair with "easiness" of a woman, and I wouldn't naturally couple it with wearing skirts, religiousness etc If anything here I'd say it's a sign of being a little quirky and out of the box.

chen bao jun
March 30th, 2014, 04:45 PM
This is a fascinating thread. I am so interested in what people have to say about their feelings.
My dad was really anxious to make sure that me and my sister were not brought up to depend on looks, which are such a fragile thing. He went to a lot of trouble to make sure that we were educated and felt competent and had skills. He would always say that no one can take your skills away from you, which I have found to be true. He did not want us to be vulnerable, as he felt many women are, to men that pay a lot of compliments for their own reasons (usually not good reasons) and he did not want us to be helpless and dependent, he believed in traditional marriage and wanted that for us, if possible, but on the terms that as a couple you work together and draw from each other's strengths and support each other's weaknesses.
The subject of men doing traditionally 'gentlemanly' things for women has come up--sometimes this has a place. If you are a mother juggling a stroller and two other kids and some packages, it can be very nice to have ANYBODY hold a door open for you. I think a lot of the gentlemanly ideas of how to behave came out of respect for women who as childbearers have periods of their life where they are going to be physically encumbered (either by pregnancy or little kids) and could really use some help rather than just being left to fend for themselves. Like those societies where you see the man striding happily ahead alone and the wife behind him carrying all their worldly goods, sometimes on her head, along with all the kids, while he is free and happy. She doesn't have to be told to keep X number of paces behind him, she can't possibly ever keep up. Recently, at the college where I work, I was very struck one day when we were preparing a room for a conference and moving a lot of HEAVY chairs and tables, how all the women , huffing and puffing and struggling were left to do this while the men stood chatting over coffee. Yes, I could move the furniture, but why should I have to do it alone? I said to the guys, you know it would be nice if you gave a hand with this (especially since they were part of the conference, too) and then they came and helped, saying how they had thought we would be offended if they moved the furniture. !!!!!!

Crumpet
March 30th, 2014, 04:46 PM
Its hilarious that long hair is so many things:
Aging/too youthful
'Easy'/too religious
Straight, rebellious, conservative, quirky, delicate....

Its hard to guess where these stereotypes come from for each person. We'll never figure it out. Enjoy the hair!

LongHairLesbian
March 30th, 2014, 07:54 PM
Wow, I never thought that this thread would illicit this number of great, insightful responses. I loved reading every single one of them. :) Something chen bao jun stuck with me; even if I cut off all my hair, and stopped wearing dresses and perfume and jewellery, that wouldn't stop people from judging me for my womanhood. Eschewing traditional forms of femininity doesn't suddenly stop the judgements and stereotypes women face; they might change a bit, but they are still there. The only thing you can do, is not allow people's judgement to affect the way you view yourself and your capabilities.

I'm involved in debate at my school. It can be a very aggressive, male dominated pass time. You have to be sure of what you are defending, and have the confidence and skill to deliver your points persuasively. It's fairly rare for a woman to place as top speaker of a tournament, and even rarer for a woman-woman team to win the final round of the tournament. Recently, I got to the semi-final of a tournament, something that rarely happens at my school. Instead of dressing very plainly and pulling my hair back, I put on my make up, earrings, my nicest dress with a crinoline underneath, and wore my hair down with a little white flower clipped in on the side. I felt very confident and put together, not only because I was dressed up nice, but because I wanted to show people that you could be a very feminine woman, and still earn a respectable public speaking title. That you could show your long hair, and still give an impassioned, persuasive speech.

chen bao jun
March 31st, 2014, 10:32 AM
Congrats on your win, LHL! that is a great story.

jupiterinleo
March 31st, 2014, 11:12 AM
Yes! Gods, yes. However, if you have boobs/vagina, you're gonna get creeped on no matter how you look, at least where I live.

I used to work at as a cashier and I was constantly hit on by creepy dudes. It would have happened anyway because society is gross, but wearing my hair down (it was around waist-length at the time) made it 10x worse. I finally put it up in a bun or braid 100% of my shifts. And the same dudes would come in and be like "Wear your hair down! I miss it..." Yeah, no.

cherrybird
March 31st, 2014, 11:12 AM
Congratulations! Way to kick butt!

Crumpet
March 31st, 2014, 12:43 PM
LLL -- woot! Congrats on being you and doing so well. I'm super-proud of you.

MadeiraD
March 31st, 2014, 01:41 PM
When I had my series of short 'coming out" haircuts basically the haircuts I got so people would notice I was gay (I like my hair long, but I wanted to pickup girls at the time... so yeah) men hit on me much less

LauraLongLocks
March 31st, 2014, 01:56 PM
Wow, I never thought that this thread would illicit this number of great, insightful responses. I loved reading every single one of them. :) Something chen bao jun stuck with me; even if I cut off all my hair, and stopped wearing dresses and perfume and jewellery, that wouldn't stop people from judging me for my womanhood. Eschewing traditional forms of femininity doesn't suddenly stop the judgements and stereotypes women face; they might change a bit, but they are still there. The only thing you can do, is not allow people's judgement to affect the way you view yourself and your capabilities.

I'm involved in debate at my school. It can be a very aggressive, male dominated pass time. You have to be sure of what you are defending, and have the confidence and skill to deliver your points persuasively. It's fairly rare for a woman to place as top speaker of a tournament, and even rarer for a woman-woman team to win the final round of the tournament. Recently, I got to the semi-final of a tournament, something that rarely happens at my school. Instead of dressing very plainly and pulling my hair back, I put on my make up, earrings, my nicest dress with a crinoline underneath, and wore my hair down with a little white flower clipped in on the side. I felt very confident and put together, not only because I was dressed up nice, but because I wanted to show people that you could be a very feminine woman, and still earn a respectable public speaking title. That you could show your long hair, and still give an impassioned, persuasive speech.


Congrats on your win, LLL! that is a great story.


Congratulations! Way to kick butt!


LLL -- woot! Congrats on being you and doing so well. I'm super-proud of you.

These congratulations probably belong to LHL, not LLL. ;)

chen bao jun
March 31st, 2014, 02:14 PM
Sorry, LauraLL. I shall correct this.

LauraLongLocks
March 31st, 2014, 02:24 PM
Ha! I was just confused and trying to figure out why everyone was congratulating me, lol!

Alun
March 31st, 2014, 02:45 PM
I probably actually fit most of the stereotypes of long haired males. That said, prejudice in the working world is pretty awful, and it extends over to some people thinking I must have some kind of manual job and be uneducated. This doesn't necessarily persist much beyond me opening my mouth, but is still annoying.

Truth is, I grew up thinking I was middle class, but with many relatives who were very much working class. I was a first generation student, but I was surrounded by many people just the same. Ultimately, I see myself as lower working class, although I have a job that sociologists classify as upper middle class, but that is due to education, duh. I never really grew up seeing long hair as indicating low social class, but it seems some other people do, perhaps more so here in the US than in England, which is supposedly more class ridden.

To me, long hair is wrapped up with biker culture, progressive rock music and the hippie movement. I don't have a bike these days, but I do still associate long hair with a set of ideals, and still regard getting a haircut as selling out. If other people cut their hair I don't mind so much, but not me. Not exactly where most of the female members of LHC are coming from, although for some it actually is, I suppose.

Alun
March 31st, 2014, 02:46 PM
(Double post - LHC acting weird!)

Crumpet
March 31st, 2014, 02:50 PM
Sorry, LauraLL. I shall correct this.

Me too! Too many L's for my brain apparently!

;)

Crumpet
March 31st, 2014, 02:52 PM
Alun -- I think there's a lot of prejudice against men with long hair too. I adore it (like many of the women at the LHC!).

JamieLeigh
March 31st, 2014, 03:18 PM
I've been asked what religion I belong to, if I wear a skirt or a dress in public. That doesn't bother me as much as it just amuses me that apparently I have to be religious in some way to want to wear a skirt and have my hair really long at the same time. :p I also get the assumption that I'm some sort of "hippie" because my hair is all natural - no colour, no heat, no trimming - which also doesn't bother me.

My husband has gotten the brunt of it, though, because his hair stays between shoulder and waist (read: every time he gets to waist, he has me cut it back to shoulder again). He's probably one of the most decent guys I know, but there is a general mistrust that he dislikes. He tries not to let it bother him, and not to let other people dictate his style to him, but I know that he feels it. :(

chen bao jun
March 31st, 2014, 05:13 PM
I'm actually extremely religious and have had short hair for many years and dress stylishly so this is hilarious to me that people think you have to have some kind of outward of sign of being religious (or more religious than 'they' think you ought to be).
Reminds me of an article I read years ago where a guy wrote that he hit on a pretty, stylish girl and she rejected him and then he found out from someone else that she was religious and didn't ('gasp!') want to have sex until she was married which caused him to write this article, expressing that his outrage that she had 'tricked' him into thinking she was a 'normal' person (meaning, 'someone who would have sex with some guy that she had just met five minutes ago') by being stylish. His point was that she really ought to take up wearing long denim skirts and grow long hair and put it up in a bun and stop wearing makeup so that guys would know right off that she was a wierdo and wouldn't waste their time hitting on her.
!!!!!!

Danu
March 31st, 2014, 05:41 PM
@}-`-}-,-'- príobháideach -'-,-{-`-{@

Laurenji
March 31st, 2014, 07:21 PM
I don't usually find this to be a problem, since like someone else said, I wear my hair up pretty much always. My husband likes "long" (shoulder to BSL) bu not "super long" (anything past waist) hair, because he says people with super long hair are "weird," but that's really the only stereotype I deal with on a regular basis.

truepeacenik
April 1st, 2014, 12:01 AM
Wow, I never thought that this thread would illicit this number of great, insightful responses. I loved reading every single one of them. :) Something chen bao jun stuck with me; even if I cut off all my hair, and stopped wearing dresses and perfume and jewellery, that wouldn't stop people from judging me for my womanhood. Eschewing traditional forms of femininity doesn't suddenly stop the judgements and stereotypes women face; they might change a bit, but they are still there. The only thing you can do, is not allow people's judgement to affect the way you view yourself and your capabilities.

I'm involved in debate at my school. It can be a very aggressive, male dominated pass time. You have to be sure of what you are defending, and have the confidence and skill to deliver your points persuasively. It's fairly rare for a woman to place as top speaker of a tournament, and even rarer for a woman-woman team to win the final round of the tournament. Recently, I got to the semi-final of a tournament, something that rarely happens at my school. Instead of dressing very plainly and pulling my hair back, I put on my make up, earrings, my nicest dress with a crinoline underneath, and wore my hair down with a little white flower clipped in on the side. I felt very confident and put together, not only because I was dressed up nice, but because I wanted to show people that you could be a very feminine woman, and still earn a respectable public speaking title. That you could show your long hair, and still give an impassioned, persuasive speech.


For what it is worth, I am a member of the National Forensic League.
I don't recall my hair mattering one way or the other. All I really remember are boys in ill-fitting suits speaking too quickly to be understood.

Venefica
April 1st, 2014, 02:47 PM
I have never experienced this, mostly I think because hair beyond mid back is very rare where I live and even that length is pretty uncommon so there really are no stereotype for it. I have never been objectified for my hair ether, most either shrug and just say oh when they discover how long my hair is or they are curious and wonder first if it is real and then how I maintain it. I really have not had an issue.

I am more stereotyped for my bags since I have those short anime girl bangs which is very typical with Goths so many see just my hairstyle and say, oh dyed black hair and those bangs, you must be Goth, but then that is not negative for me since I am Goth.

LongHairLesbian
April 1st, 2014, 04:19 PM
Many thanks to everyone who congratulated me on my success at the debate tournament. :) You are all so wonderful. We didn't end up making it past semi-finals, but we held our own, and everyone told us how impressed they were. My debate partner wore a pretty dress too; we even colour co-ordinated them before the semi-final! Haha :P

Venefica
April 1st, 2014, 04:49 PM
Congratulations on doing well in the debate tournament LongHairLesbian.

LauraLongLocks
April 1st, 2014, 05:24 PM
I have to admit, before coming to LHC, I really think I did have a prejudice against men with long hair. But after interacting with some long haired guys here, I see that I was being absolutely ridiculous. I figured it was some sort of rebellious counter-cultural thing, probably drugs, deadbeats, undesirables... really. I am ashamed of myself to tell the truth. I've done a 180 degree turn around. I think men should be allowed by society to wear their hair however they want, just as women should. In fact, I have decided it would be pretty awesome if my own husband decided to grow his hair long after he retires from the military.

threadOfGold
April 2nd, 2014, 09:19 AM
YES! I always feel like people think that I expect everyone to have long hair and wear dresses just because I do, just because I don't like wearing trousers doesn't mean I don't want other people to. I'm really girly but I respect and admire everyone else what ever they choose to wear/look like!

Jumper
April 2nd, 2014, 09:28 AM
As a former high school debater I can say it definitely was not my hair or being female that held me back. It was the fact that I really just wasn't very good when it got to the higher levels.

It set me up with good speaking skills for life though, once I slowed my speech back down (speaking very quickly was necessary).

chen bao jun
April 2nd, 2014, 10:02 AM
Well, I'm only really attracted to my husband and I can't imagine him with longer hair. I always liked very conservative men because of how well they treat women, in my experience and they tend to keep cutting their hair. However, being a historican I know there is no relation between hair length and masculinity, or ability to fight in combat or any of the other things men do. it just goes according to the current style. All societies have some visual way of distinguishing men from women and hair length is a common one, but its far from universal. so I never had a problem with men having long hair or very long or very very long hair and think its a little silly how it can be important for a man to cut his hair to get certain jobs. My youngest son really wants to grow long hair and has cut it twice not wanting to because he wants to earn money more, which I think is shame.
(He's also a bit impatient and when he doesn't get his hair visibly longer in 3 to 6 months, tends to cut, which means he will get nowhere with it. He's even curlier than me so it is hard to see growth, too)

ETA: I mean I've always like very conservative and traditional men in a relationship context. I don't care if men are conservative or not so far as being friends or coworkers or acquaintances or whatever. And I do draw the line at men having to be clean-shaven. I really dislike the look of being clean-shaven and it jsut doesn't 'read' as 'masculine' to me. My husband gave in and grew a beard e ven though his job didn't like it, eventually, because I disliked him to shave his beard so much. That's just me.

truepeacenik
April 4th, 2014, 10:58 PM
I have to admit, before coming to LHC, I really think I did have a prejudice against men with long hair. But after interacting with some long haired guys here, I see that I was being absolutely ridiculous. I figured it was some sort of rebellious counter-cultural thing, probably drugs, deadbeats, undesirables... really. I am ashamed of myself to tell the truth. I've done a 180 degree turn around. I think men should be allowed by society to wear their hair however they want, just as women should. In fact, I have decided it would be pretty awesome if my own husband decided to grow his hair long after he retires from the military.


It takes a lot to assess yourself this way, and admit it in public. Respect.
I thought about the males I've been in relationships with, starting I high school...ok, middle school... And to a man they were longhairs.
But my girlfriends tend to be shorthairs. Funny.

Zindell
April 5th, 2014, 03:30 AM
Stereotyped yeah... but from the whole package that's me I guess.

Once at work (we are seven females at the same department at the office) we were talking about if some of us were more "hippie prone" than others. Immediately someone pointed me out and I got a bit surprised since I'm a tech person working with web development and the like. I'm quite the geek and love to play computer games and watch TV series.

But... I also have long hair, many cats, live alone in a house because I'm quite frankly disappointed in the relationships I've had so far. (I'm 46). I also promote organic foods and a clean environment sooo....

I guess I have to accept this new lable. :p

ashke50
April 5th, 2014, 03:47 AM
I have had people assume I must be growing my hair because of religion, but they often also assume that that is why I don't drink alcohol, when actually religion has nothing to do with either of those facts, they are just personal choices.
One guy I work with made some slightly odd comments about how I look with my hair down vs in a bun (which is how I wear it to work). He seemed to think that hair down was more " sexually innocent" and hair in a bun more "sexually dominant". I found it odd that he read my hair as so sexualised, but no one else seems to have had that reaction, so probably says more about him than me.
LLL, I'm impressed that you've identified a previous prejudice against long hair on guys, and thrilled that you've reversed it by hanging out here. Good on you for "owning up" on it!

CurlyCap
April 5th, 2014, 04:07 AM
What I've grown used to hearing:
-You must be mixed.
-Is that a weave?
-You must be hair obsessed.
-You must spend all your free time on your hair.
-You don't understand what it's like to have to [insert common hair frustration].
-I want to marry a [insert here], so my daughter has hair like that.
-You need to do your hair. If I had your hair, I wouldn't neglect it.
-You're not better than me. (?!)
-Well, enjoy your hair because it makes up for your face. (Sigh.)
-You're hair isn't long.
-You're hair is like a....[insert insulting analogy]. Sorry! I couldn't think of another way to describe it!
-Can I touch your hair?
-Why does your hair feel like that (I use leave-in products and oils)? EW!

When I cut my hair to a pixie:
***silence****

So while I'm used to getting snarky comments about my hair, it was sort of shocking how I socially disappeared when I cut it all off. While I like my hair for a lot of reasons, it was also an eye opener in starting to learn that in a very visual society, my hair is probably my one playing card. Which sucked mightily, but I observed, I learned, and I moved on.

Soltimus
April 5th, 2014, 05:41 AM
I haven't felt any stereotypes being pulled over my head due to my hair, I think. I've noticed that guys will be more friendly towards me when I wear my hair down and I sort of get in contact with them somehow. Even if it's just saying hi to people at the pub or something. And I think some people might view me as a bit more of a pacifist eco-hippie than I actually am, ha ha. I blame the henna ;)

GrowingOut
April 5th, 2014, 06:23 AM
My friends call me a princess now-a-days, depending on the clothes I wear. (Or an Action-Heroine, it depends on context)

Besides that, I haven't really been given any lip about it or how it defines me.

Jing
April 5th, 2014, 07:54 AM
(snip) I dont mind decorating the world as long as it is not expected of me.

Ditto! I love feeling pretty, and I have nothing against other people appreciating my efforts, but as soon as it is implied that I should look pretty because I happen to be a woman... Nnno, not acceptable. I always wear my hair up in public (because oh my god get out of my faaaace!) unless my bun starts falling out and I can't be arsed to fix it straight away, or if I want to try on a hat, so I hardly ever get met with any particular attitude about my hair.

When I had really short hair (5-10 mm), however, I got a lot of attitude both from strangers and from people I knew. I felt a lot more objectified then than I do on the rare occasions when someone comments on the way I look and dress now, because back then it was more like "that object is doing being-that-kind-of-object wrong and must be corrected!"

Toffeemonster
April 5th, 2014, 08:38 AM
Totally! And actually the last one reminds me that although it is often considered quirky here, I was also told I was "preppy" in my style, which is probably the opposite! I've also been called a goth a few times. Lord these guys need to decide if I'm preppy, goth, quirky or more than likely, a bit of all 3 and more!

darklyndsea
April 5th, 2014, 10:33 AM
I think I give off "I'm not interested in your opinion"/"I don't want random strangers approaching me" vibes, which is awesome as I don't get unsolicited comments on anything at all.

That said, I'm pretty sure I get indirectly stereotyped because of my hair. I keep it covered when I'm outside, and wear long skirts every day, so people probably think I'm religious. I've had two acquaintances ask me what religion I am.

chen bao jun
April 5th, 2014, 11:15 AM
Hey, CurlyCap, things have changed a little in the thirty years since I was your age, but not that much.
For 'must be mixed' people just used to call you 'high yellow' or ask 'do you have white in you' or say 'you're not from here'; there were no weaves; I never remember hearing the words 'hair obsessed' but people still actually ask--"How long does it take you to do all that hair?" I heard "You think you're better than me" so much that I was actually confused about what I was doing to elicit this remark (and it was often accompanied by violence, unfortunately); and as for 'you don't understand' I still hear this constantly as in "you don't understand what it's like to be REALLY black." Hair discussions just didn't happen. People would say "your hair is half -straight anyway(????) you don't know what this that or the other is like." Now I'm more likely to hear, "I would wear my hair natural if it was like yours." Sometimes from people whose hair is actually exactly like mine. I constantly heard 'You think you're cute,' "you're not really pretty, guys only think you are because of that light skin and long hair' and yes, all of the "your hair is not that long" "my cousin in Alabama or Georgia or somewhere else has longer hair than you" or "I have a cousin looks just like you" and yes, the constant, "You need to do your hair. If I had hair like yours I would take care of it." (Whenever I hear that one, I can't help but think, If you had hair like mine, it would still look like yours because you would fry it right off your head just like you did with yours!Trying to make it look different than it is.) But my all time favorite is hearing how 'stuck up' I was for not wanting people to constantly play in my hair.
No one ever said my hair felt 'ew' because this was the age of using products full of petroleum on people's heads (I also lived through the jherri curl age when people's heads literally used to drip grease all over their clothes, their foreheads and everything around them), so I always had less stuff in my head than anyone else I knew. When I got married (my husband is quite dark skinned), all kinds of complete STRANGERS were telling me I should have married him, I was going to 'mess my kids up". Then after I had kids (all of them are handsome and dark complexioned and look somewhat more like my husband) it was the "Are those your kids? Your kids don't look like you." And they would come home from school and say how they wanted to look like me, not like their dad, sigh.
By this time, it was obnoxious white people we lived among rather than obnoxious black people.
Like I said, things haven't changed that much.
I got a pixie once, I hated how it looked but it didn't change things much. Instead of saying how privileged I was with my light skin and long hair, people just concentrated on saying how privileged I was with my light skin and green eyes and they said I *could* cut it off because 'that kind of hair grows back'.
I would give up on people if I actually paid any attention to them.
Just live your life and think how you are a child of God regardless, and He doesn't care what your outside looks like and people's silly things they say are not just silly, but more about them than you.

inanna
April 8th, 2014, 03:20 AM
People probably often read me as religious, a traditionalist or a hippie, depending on what I'm wearing that particular day. But as fellow Finns have told you, it's really not common here for others to comment on your appearance. I live in a small university town, so if you look particularly strange people usually just assume there's some sort of student event going on.

I often dress very conservatively because I find the aesthetic aspects appealing and because vintage-y clothes really fit my body shape, but I really don't agree with an overall conservative mindset. For me, dressing conservatively and having long virgin hair feels a bit like flying in stealth mode. :D