Is long hair really ageing?

[Henna Girl]

Since I started growing my hair a few months ago I started hearing that longer hair adds years to your age and I have been advised against growing my hair. Is this true? I am not young anymore (46) and I definitely don't want to look older :( please give me your feedback and thanks a lot.

[GetMeToWaist]

I actually think it makes women look younger, since it's more feminine and beautiful. Don't listen to people who say things like that, they're idiots :rolleyes:

[tlover]

I Think the opposite (edit: meening that it makes you look younger, getmetowaist hadn't written when I wrote)
Maybe because most over 30 cut their hair short around here.

and there's alot of other things that matters to (for example the only one in Town that I know have longer hair than me is close to 50 but she looks like 30 tops, but then she's "Young in her ways" to)

[Henna Girl]

Thanks a lot GetMeToWaist that makes me feel better, because I really want to grow my hair but I don't want to look older.

[flemeister]

Even if long hair left down did make you look older, then surely a sweet updo would be the answer? At least you've got plenty of variety and possibilities with longer hair. :)

Maybe I'm just a little sad that my mum prefers to keep her hair in a pixie now, after many years with a nice chin length bob, and awesome BSL locks before that.

[Henna Girl]

Thanks tlover, this is true, older women start to cut their hair shorter and shorter as years go by. Maybe because it stops looking as healthy with age.

[Henna Girl]

Even if long hair left down did make you look older, then surely a sweet updo would be the answer? At least you've got plenty of variety and possibilities with longer hair. :)

Maybe I'm just a little sad that my mum prefers to keep her hair in a pixie now, after many years with a nice chin length bob, and awesome BSL locks before that.

you are right an undo is definitely cute and younger looking. I started growing my hair after my 19 year old daughter started nagging me to do so, and so far I am liking it :)

[martyna_22]

It all depends on the hairstyle, I think. But generally I'd say that it makes one look younger if anything :) Try growing, you can always go back to short hair if you hate it, the other way around - growing - takes a little longer. But once you're in the whole hair journey, you can't get out (speaking from experience) :) Happy growing!

[kaydana]

I think it generally makes people look younger. Most people cut their hair shorter as they get older, so the association people make is short hair = old, long hair = young. Every single person I know who has cut off their hair, without exception, has instantly added years to their age. My mum grew her hair back out to about APL after having short hair for most of my childhood, and if you were given a picture of her then and a picture of her now you would assume that the picture of her back then is the more recent one, because the short hair made her look so much older (or the long hair makes her look younger, whichever way you want to look at it).

[restless]

Being a woman and getting older is a tricky combination when it comes to the hair. If your hair is long they say it´ll add years to your face so you should cut it to look younger. Cut it short and youre now looking like most middle aged/older ladies out there and nobody will mistake you for being a teenager with that ´do anyway.

On the other hand you often hear how long haired women should cut their hair when they turn 25 (or whatever age) because the hair makes them look like little girls and its time to grow up. But then again, didnt we just state that it makes you look old having long hair?

My conclusion? You just cant get it right ;)

[GoddessLocks]

I think it makes them look younger. A girl I work with is 45 and has waist length hair. She looks like she's only in her early 30s. Plus there is this new commercial for women that talks about sex at an older age and it shows this lady with long gray hair and another with long colored hair and they look younger and more youthful. So I just think it's people who don't know crap that say this lol. Maybe they are jealous? Lol

[Henna Girl]

I am loving all your supportive replies! Now I am more certain I want to grow my hair. Thank you all!

[pixldust]

I think the whole 'long hair makes you look older' thing is rubbish. There is nothing more ageing than those uniform, ultra short verging on manly crops that older ladies are made to feel that they must have. Well cared for long hair looks much nicer.
Fair enough, if a woman decides she wants a pixie because she likes the look then more power to her. But I think it's sad when ladies get their hair chopped off because they've reached a 'certain age' and feel that it is what is expected of them.

[ravenreed]

I think it depends on the shape of the person's face. Updo's definitely make me look older.

[queenovnight]

I disagree but I have also heard this said several times. When I told a family member that I was growing my hair to hip, she replied with "Really long hair can make you look old." I personally don't agree with this. I think that long hair adds youth.

[Toffeemonster]

I think it makes you look younger, think society has fallen for a hairdressers lie on this one.

[Madora]

Thanks tlover, this is true, older women start to cut their hair shorter and shorter as years go by. Maybe because it stops looking as healthy with age.

I beg to differ with your last statement. Hair does not stop looking healthy as you age. It is all in how you care for it..whether long or short, that makes the difference.

Hair alone does not make you look older.

[EdG]

I associate long hair with people in their 20s and early 30s. It is rare to see long hair on someone past 40.

During a recent travel, I noticed a lady with an absolutely amazing bun. It was so striking that I was tempted to ask her if she was a LHC'er. When she turned around, I could see from her face that she was much older than I had thought from her hair.
Ed

[dulce]

I agree with Toffeemonster and Madora! I am 61 with getting close to classic silvery hair.Dyeing and blowfrying wrecked my shorter hair,once I stopped both, my hair got thicker and healthier and was able to grow it very long.I hate those short mannish old lady cuts and those permed heads,but to each there own..Many older ladies experience hair loss due to the constant dyes,blowfrying and perms etc.My hair loss reversed once I stopped going to salons,now I never go[cut at home] and my hair has never been healthier.Not all hair loss can be stopped but a lot of it is caused by the factors I mentioned.I thought I had age related hair loss but it wasn't, as I found out after changing my hair care.

[dulce]

Wrinkles,age spots[not using sunscreen],being overweight,not exercising resulting in weakened muscles which contribute to osteoporosis and poor posture,choice of clothes style, and my personal opinion-short mannish cuts,I think these all contribute to looking ''old'' more than long hair.
Rather than worry about looking ''old'' go for looking the best you can at whatever age you are.Just to show how silly all these myths are,I have been accused of trying to look like a teenager by some disapproving older dyed short haired ladies.Yet I have gray hair,they dye and cut short as the hairdressers tell you this makes you look 10 years younger.So where's the consistency in this?It's all nonsense[brainwashing] and perpetuated by a salon industry raking in enormous profits with all the constant dyes,cuts and perms and salon ''set'' curls ,especially of older ladies.My late mom used to go once or twice a week regularly to the salon for her dyed short,curled hair which was super high maintenance and very lucrative for the salon.

[Toffeemonster]

Well said Dulce, I think your hair is amazing. I'm always so taken back when I see someone with beautiful gray hair, it's so unusual but still very beautiful and youthful(in an honest way).

[marymonster]

I don't think it is. My mother just turned 53, her hair is armpit length. Not super long, but she wants to grow it much longer. I don't think it makes her look older.

[browneyedsusan]

I'm about your age, and I think I look great! :)

:lala:

The rest of the world can stick it.

[DweamGoiL]

Long hair symbolizes youth, health, beauty, sexuality, innocence, etc. All these attributes are not what society wants us to represent as women reaching middle age. This is just 1950's sexist propoganda that has never gone away. Before that, most women kept their hair long into old age, but then all of a sudden, women became decorative keepers of the 'modern' home and were expected to stay home and take on a passive caregiver role instead of valuable contributors to the family unit. Look at modern celebrities and I am only using them as archetypes of societal expectations, there are plenty of middle age women that rock/rocked long hair (Demi Moore, Madonna, Sarah Jessica Parker, etc.) In fact, the age at which you are considered old has been pushed back substantially and women are allowed to be sexual objects for a longer time rather than shriveling up and desiccating from the inside out.

What would you say looks younger:

This?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VADrU3ZN84c/TwlmMnIVqzI/AAAAAAAArdM/CWme_MsqnN4/s1600/faye_faires_couch_1966.jpg

or this?

http://www.colourbox.com/preview/2305306-694391-a-pretty-middle-aged-woman-with-a-very-sincere-smile.jpg

I think the answer is in the insanely obvious proverbial pudding!!!

[Lyv]

I think it's the opposite. When I got my hair cut everyone there told me that I looked older and more mature with it short which I think is true, now I look my age but when it was long everyone thought I was a lot younger.

[dulce]

LYV,that's sort of funny,short hair makes young people look more mature say some people and salons to us , yet short,dyed hair makes older ladies look younger[so say the salons to us older ladies]It just shows-wear your hair the way you want and ignore all the myths,brainwashing and just straight opinions everyone likes to throw at you.The only thing that matters is what you want..If you listen to salons it appears short hair is the panacea for everything[and it is more lucrative for them]Sorry to be down on salons but personally I'm fed up with all the contradictory nonsense they spout to us females.I'm getting cranky in my old age.

[Beborani]

I always look younger than my age to other people but recently I got mistaken for someone too young to drink coffee (what age would that be 12?) with my midback length naturally dark hair down and in casual clothes. So I would say no! It is not ageing!

[longishhair]

Does it matter what other people think?

IMHO, it is not hair/makeup/clothes that makes a person attractive. An attractive person imo is one who
- carries him- or herself with confidence
- keeps him- or herself tidy and clean, this includes head hair and beard/moustache care
- wears clothes which are flattering to one's shape (neither potato sacks nor baggy pants nor skirts so tight and low one can see way too much)

I started wearing whatever I please many years ago. People look at me and treat me totally differently when I do with my hair/clothes as I please as opposed to what society wants me to, because "trendy" clothes (which I couldn't stand ever since the beginning of time no matter the style) made me feel horribly uncomfortable, while wearing my style clothes made me way more confident.

[spidermom]

Aging makes people look older, not hair.

[Nadine <3]

I don't think so. When I was younger (I'm still only 21) people would comment on how much older and how mature I looked when my hair was in a shorter, layered style. Now that my hair is longer at almost APL, my mom keeps telling me I should have it cut and styled again, because I look about 13 lol It's true, but I won't cut it.

[tlover]

I agree with Toffeemonster and Madora! I am 61 with getting close to classic silvery hair.Dyeing and blowfrying wrecked my shorter hair,once I stopped both, my hair got thicker and healthier and was able to grow it very long.I hate those short mannish old lady cuts and those permed heads,but to each there own..Many older ladies experience hair loss due to the constant dyes,blowfrying and perms etc.My hair loss reversed once I stopped going to salons,now I never go[cut at home] and my hair has never been healthier.Not all hair loss can be stopped but a lot of it is caused by the factors I mentioned.I thought I had age related hair loss but it wasn't, as I found out after changing my hair care.

age can make youre hair thinner, that depends on youre genes too. My grandmother (84 years old WL hair) has really thin hair but she does not dye, blowdry, perm etc (she washes her hair once a week, and I don't Think she Cuts her hair at a salon but I'm not sure) she just have thin hair in her genes.

I'm not saying that long hair makes you look old, just that how long/thick hair you have dosn't only have to do with if you go to a salon or not.

[spidermom]

P.S: age 60
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg (http://s25.photobucket.com/user/spidermom/media/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg.html)
OMG, just look at all the hair dragging my face down.

Gravity works.

[lapushka]

Nice picture, spidermom! A picture tells a thousand tales. It proves it to you, hopefully that long hair doesn't age you.

Another vote here to the gang that says, no it doesn't age you, on the contrary. I'm almost 42 and I have hip+ length hair and growing towards TBL, so... the longer the better!

[dulce]

TLover,,yes,some cases of thin hair are related to health issues,medications and genes and have nothing to do with salons.But in my case it was related,also I belong to several ''gray'' hair forums and quite a few older ladies there have reported the same experience as me.Their hair thickened up noticeably after stopping dyeing and damaging hair practises so there is a link for some people.Spidermom,you look great!!

[meteor]

I never understood that statement either.
I think having a ton of hair is one of the easiest and most effective ways of looking younger and healthier. Think of all the queens who wore wigs as they were aging and they did look younger. Or think of today's celebrities who get extra-long extensions or grow out their own hair and end up looking younger - e.g. Demi Moore. Without big long hair the attention is naturally drawn to wrinkles and age spots. Long hair steals the show and you can never tell a woman's age if you see only her hair.
It's the lack of hair that can make one look older (e.g. due to thinning or balding).

I think the reason behind cutting hair after a certain age is traditional and goes back to ancient times: there is this idea that when you are young you are supposed to flaunt your physical beauty to attract a mate, but as you get a busy family life, you are supposed to "lose your vanity" and hide or cut your hair to be more business-like. Of course, it's all BS, but I think this idea got engrained in some people, so they see very long hair is "inappropriate" for older ladies. And I totally disagree with this idea.

[dulce]

Up to the 1920's in this society, most women even older ones wore long hair,then the ''flappers'' came in,hair salons,cuts and perms became the fashion in our society.So I personally still believe salons have a big part in this.There is some truth to meteor's comments,as a new mom in today's society you are supposed[encouraged] to get the '' mom'' cut.

[DweamGoiL]

Thank you dulce and meteor for agreeing with my earlier post in this thread :)

[dulce]

DweamGoil,that pic of the older lady that you posted looked so much like my late mom[hair/clothes] it was scary..They could have been twins.

[DweamGoiL]

Yeah, my mom had an awful beehive like monstrosity for a long time as well. She was only in her 40's when she started it and never quite stopped *shudders*

[dulce]

My mom looked like this all her life till she died.Nothing wrong with it if that's what you want but I used to feel so sad for her as a kid, uncomfortable,ugly hard curlers every night at bedtime[I couldn't imagine sleeping like that-so uncomfortable looking],a ''set'' and ''style'' and a wash each week or twice a week at the salon,a cut monthly,a perm regularly too plus a regular salon dye job..That's another one of the reasons I liked long hair all my life-so much less maintenance .My mom's hair seemed to rule her life[she fussed over it constantly and wore scarves anytime she went out to protect her ''do''] and at a young age I decided that was so not for me!I hate high maintenance anything in my life.I did go dyed pixie in my mid 40's for awhile and hated the regular cuts and regular dye jobs.

[cathair]

My Mum has a friend who had very thick shoulder-ish length grey hair. She recently cut it to above chin and I think it put 10 years on her. I was surprised to find my Mum did too, she isn't even a fan of long hair. But she has a lot going on and it made her happy, to fair play to her.

ETA: also my aunt used to wear her hair in a grey bun. Everyone said it made her look old, so she cut it into a curly pixey with blonde low lights (her hair was more wavy before). That really did put a lot of years on to her, she did look better before.

[MadeiraD]

I don't think it's aging at all, my mom's in her 50s and has had her hair WL for a long time (she cut it recently because a hairdresser fried it with highlights) but I think it suits her fine

[LauraLongLocks]

Have you seen Franny's blog? Great inspiration for growing long hair after whatever the cutoff age is: http://frannyslonghair.blogspot.com/

I'm 37, and when I reach 40 years old, I'm going to have my longest hair ever, be in the best physical shape of my life, and have the healthiest skin possible.

[DweamGoiL]

My mom looked like this all her life till she died.Nothing wrong with it if that's what you want but I used to feel so sad for her as a kid, uncomfortable,ugly hard curlers every night at bedtime[I couldn't imagine sleeping like that-so uncomfortable looking],a ''set'' and ''style'' and a wash each week or twice a week at the salon,a cut monthly,a perm regularly too plus a regular salon dye job..That's another one of the reasons I liked long hair all my life-so much less maintenance .My mom's hair seemed to rule her life[she fussed over it constantly and wore scarves anytime she went out to protect her ''do''] and at a young age I decided that was so not for me!

I feel the same too. If that's what you are into...more power to ya, but I always wondered what my mom's hair really looked like if it were ever to be free of the multiple layers of "Aerolaq". My grandmother had long hair until she died at 92 and it was just lovely. Ok, a bit on the thin side, but what do you expect for a woman of 92, who was on a severely restrictive diet and bed-ridden the last 12 years of her life? Even in pictures of my mom when she was young, she always had a pixie or something ridiculously short because it was the only way she could keep it straight. She loathed her natural wave and found it hard to deal with.

[Henna Girl]

Thank you everyone for your support. Omg! it is great to be a LHC member, you all are so inspiring.

[Mythago]

I agree with all the previous comments that long hair actually makes a woman look younger rather than older. I understand why older women keep their hair short and enjoy it, but it's just not for me. I also disagree with statements people sometimes make that short hair is easier to care for. It may be easier on your arms since you aren't doing any up-dos, but it definitely isn't easier in terms of trips to the salon for trims! At 36 I am loving growing out my hair and can't wait to reach BSL. I look at the arm strain as good exercise and I despise salons, so this is what is working for me :) Being able to have the option of hair up or hair down is also such a fun thing. With my angled bob it was down or down...no other choice. I love having the freedom to look how I want from day to day! Thank you ladies (and gentlemen) for all the long hair inspiration!!!

[merseaone]

Since I started growing my hair a few months ago I started hearing that longer hair adds years to your age and I have been advised against growing my hair. Is this true? I am not young anymore (46) and I definitely don't want to look older :( please give me your feedback and thanks a lot.

What do you mean you aren't young at 46... girl I'm 57 and I am still young! Age is a number, promise! I was just reading on another forum where I posted a picture of myself with two different hairstyles and everyone said they liked me with bangs but my hair should be shorter because women of a "certain age" should wear their hair short. Poo on that! I told them that the longer my hair gets now shows how long it has been since I beat cancer!

My Avatar is with just bangs. (Oops, I changed my avatar!) But this is how I like to wear my hair:

http://static.knittingparadise.com/upload/2014/3/9/thumb-1394390082004-me_011.jpg

[dulce]

Merseaone,don't know if I'm the only one but I can't see your posted pic in your comments.

[dulce]

Ok,now I can!

[Fericera]

For me personally, if I leave it hanging straight by my face with no layers yes it is ageing but that's just because of how my face is.

I've seen tons of older women who look amazing with longer hair. If leaving it straight looks bad, just pull it half back, braid it, or put it up and you can't fail!

[dulce]

There is a strong predjudice many older women have with other older women with very long hair,they feel it innappropriate sadly.They have fallen for the anti long hair myths so widely promoted in this society.I left a few gray hair forums because of it.If I post a pic of my hair in a French twist or full updo-lots of likes.If I post a pic showing my length down in any way,very few likes or comments[ignored] yet the short haired ladies are always inundated with positive comments.It's very noticeable.Hair to the shoulders on those forums is talked of as ''long''.Very different to here.

[cdonald2]

agreed. most older women i know have short hair. My aunt who looked super youthful (about 60 at 87) had very long hair she always wore up

[Lady Mary]

I think it makes women look younger, actually. I see a lot of very short hairdos on older women where I live and they all kind of look the same. On the area occasion, I see BSL-TBL hair, I take notice. It's just so lovely and youthful to be able to grow that kind of hair.

[momschicklets]

Spidermom your hair is just lovely....youthful looking and very feminine.

I fell into the trap last year of thinking that because I turned 40, I needed to cut my hair short. It's so easy to get sucked into that mindset! As soon as I did it, I got a lot of comments that it made me look "mature." (read: older). I don't mind looking my age, but I don't want to look older! So much for getting my hair cut to look younger! I realize now I was just insecure about who I was and felt the need to conform to what society says women should do at a certain age....and how completely silly. Now I regret it and am obviously growing it out again....and the longer it gets the more I feel like myself again. :) I will never do that again.

[merseaone]

P.S: age 60
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg (http://s25.photobucket.com/user/spidermom/media/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg.html)
OMG, just look at all the hair dragging my face down.

Gravity works.

You look marvelous!!!

[Henna Girl]

Merseaone and spiderwoman, both of you look great!! I am definitely not listening to this rubbish that long hair is ageing anymore.

[dulce]

Momschicklets-I fell for it too![dyed pixie]The pressure to conform in your 40's is tremendous.Luckily I smartened up!Never again.And I repeat, you look lovely Spidermom!Love the soft layers and bangs around your face.Very feminine and pretty.

[pixldust]

P.S: age 60
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg (http://s25.photobucket.com/user/spidermom/media/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg.html)
OMG, just look at all the hair dragging my face down.

Gravity works.

Spidermom, I hope I look as good as you do when I'm 60. Both you and your hair look fantastic.

[chen bao jun]

I don't care what makes me look younger. I am not young. I am 57. I know many beautiful women (beautiful inside and out) who are not young. Thats not my ideal. Being young was nice (I liked it) but I feel that a certain grace and poise only come with age. I would rather look like an elegant 57 than a wannabe 25. So I am neither cutting or growing my hair in the hope that I will look younger, I am wearing it how I want to .
My grandmother was the most beautiful woman I ever knew. When she was in her 80's people would stop and stare and ask 'who is that gorgeous woman'. She didn't dress young, she didn't dress old, she just dressed in a classic way, fitted dresses, pearls, head held high. She really cared about other people and was very kind, I think it showed on her face. (Plus she had amazing bone structure, good luck in the gene pool, but she wasn't lovely only because of that.)
She had somewhat long hair (brastrap) but wore it up so you couldn't tell a length. It looked gorgeous down too (only at night). She had this pair of mabe pearl earrings she wore, stunning.
My other grandmother was not the beauty that my maternal grandmother was, but everyone said what beautiful hair she had and she never cut it--why should she? she had plaits as thick as my wrists and she could sit on them. she lived to be 92 and kept her hair to the last minute, probably because she had beautiful hair.

[chen bao jun]

Beauty does not equal hot and sexy. I think a lot of the time when people think old women aren't beautiful, they just mean that they are not playboy bunny material anymore. So what? Why is that an ideal?

[jeanniet]

Aging makes people look older, not hair.

Hahaha, so true! I really don't give a rat's hiney whether I look older or younger with either short or long hair. I don't really care whether other people think I look like a butterfly or a toad, for that matter. I grew my hair out because I wanted to, and cut it for the same reason. Whether or not I look older or younger than my age is waaaaay down on my list of priorities. I'm not out to impress anyone. I think a good outlook and healthy lifestyle will keep you younger than anything else.

[MadeiraD]

Hey some old women are plenty sexy, Debbie Harry anyone?

When I get really old my hope is to look like the witch from Big Fish

http://www.cgsociety.org/stories/2004_3/big_fish/images/07d_witch.jpg

[Nedertane]

As a purely visuo-spatial thing, maybe. It's probably dependent on texture and style. After all, some colors age some people, while others do the opposite.

As a cultural thing, I'm more inclined to say yes, just because, as others have mentioned, it can "signal" that one has opted for the more "mature" style. In the end, I think it's down to one's behavior and attitude, so don't worry, OP! :)

[dulce]

I have torn my rotators[shoulders] 3 times now but just stick to low braids,low buns,french twist,low ponys and avoid the high up dos,so even with limited shoulder mobility long hair is still feasable.

[teddygirl]

I find that long hair looks more youthful, however I find that up-dos tend to age women.

[EdG]

P.S: age 60
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg (http://s25.photobucket.com/user/spidermom/media/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg.html)
OMG, just look at all the hair dragging my face down.

Gravity works.Spidermom, you are beautiful. :thud:
Ed

[LauraLongLocks]

I find that long hair looks more youthful, however I find that up-dos tend to age women.

Interesting that you think updos age women. I think long hair looks great up or down.

[sycamoreboutiqu]

Not in the least.

I will be 60 this fall and don't plan to quit growing. I think having longer hair is unique and sets me apart from other women my age. I can't imagine how much older I would look with a short cut - yuck ! I love the look of updos and love going out in a long braid. It is always interesting how many people don't notice the length at all (if I wore it down though there would be stares as most times it is huge when let loose), but then there are always a few perceptive people that go OMG if your braid is THAT long your hair must be super long. I always get a chuckle out of that, it makes my day.

[Crumpet]

This thread exemplifies the saying around here: I came for the hair and I stayed for the people.

I think I look younger with my hair in certain hairstyles (braid, down, ponytail/peacock), and a bit more mature with it in a bun, but I don't think the length ages me. I agree with others that the 'mature woman haircut' tends to signal age. Whenever I see an older woman bucking the trend, I'm usually intrigued and I usually compliment them. My favorite was a woman with WL white hair. When I said something to her she turned to me and said 'thank you'. Then she turned to her friend, poked her in the ribs and said, 'see!'.

Oh, and we also learned that Spidermom is a stone cold fox.

Carry on thread, carry on...

[Henna Girl]

I'm about your age, and I think I look great! :)

:lala:

The rest of the world can stick it.

You do look great in both your photos :) I agree.

[Henna Girl]

Not in the least.

I will be 60 this fall and don't plan to quit growing. I think having longer hair is unique and sets me apart from other women my age. I can't imagine how much older I would look with a short cut - yuck ! I love the look of updos and love going out in a long braid. It is always interesting how many people don't notice the length at all (if I wore it down though there would be stares as most times it is huge when let loose), but then there are always a few perceptive people that go OMG if your braid is THAT long your hair must be super long. I always get a chuckle out of that, it makes my day.

You have beautiful shiny long hair. I agree, you shouldn't stop growing your hair. It makes you look so unique and special.

[emilia1992]

I don't think that long hair makes people look older - look at Professor Mary Beard, for example. She looks great with long, natural hair - and she's on TV all the time too.

[Siowiel]

I think many people claim old hair is ageing, in contrast to the often heard advice to women beyond 20 or 30 to cut their hair in order to look more mature, because our society is uncomfortable with women who claim an attribute many people (falsely!) associate exclusively with youth and sexiness. Women are supposed to come with signs on their foreheads proclaiming their age and therefore their acceptability to mainstream society. And then out come the pseudo-arguments: It ages you! It doesn't look professional! In age, hair thins too much to be worn long! Old people can't care for long hair!
And women who have bought into these arguments can be quite fierce in their attempts to make other women conform, be it jealousy, be it a general bitchy attitude towards other women. I have never met men, unless they are very young and immature, having a beef with long hair on women beyond 40 or whatever age.

[browneyedsusan]

Spidermom, you are beautiful. :thud:
Ed

Amen, brother!

[clioariane]

I don't think so. My mother is 51 and has hip-length hair, and it looks great on her.

[shutterpillar]

I'm not really sure what started this "long hair ages you" thought in people's heads, but for me, long hair looks more youthful. I hope to keep at least BSL hair well into my golden years unless for some reason my hair is unable to comply. Even then, I don't think I'd ever go for the standard old lady perm. ;)

[Caldonia Sun]

What does it really mean to look older or younger and why does it even matter? Why do others try to shame women into doing things they may not want to do to attempt to fit some image? What's the payoff?

[veryhairyfairy]

Just joining in the general "NO." :D Also joining in with the posters who think it shouldn't matter! Who gives a rat's booty?

That being said, my experience has been similar to what others have posted (people say I look younger with longer hair), but the weird thing is I almost never wear my hair down (or even in braids). So all of this is happening with buns??? I'm 24 now and I ALWAYS get carded for things you only have to be 18 to buy, whereas when I was 18-19 and had short hair, I almost never got carded. Mysterious...


This thread exemplifies the saying around here: I came for the hair and I stayed for the people.
<snip>

Oh, and we also learned that Spidermom is a stone cold fox.

Carry on thread, carry on...

Agreed on both counts! :D

[Agnes Hannah]

Spidermom you are gorgeous, and your hair is fab!
I just love long hair, always have and am growing it now to please myself not other people. If they don't like it they know what they can do! If they want to wear their hair short/permed/spiky etc that is their business. Growing mine long at 48 is mine.

[Madora]

Not in the least.

I will be 60 this fall and don't plan to quit growing. I think having longer hair is unique and sets me apart from other women my age. I can't imagine how much older I would look with a short cut - yuck ! I love the look of updos and love going out in a long braid. It is always interesting how many people don't notice the length at all (if I wore it down though there would be stares as most times it is huge when let loose), but then there are always a few perceptive people that go OMG if your braid is THAT long your hair must be super long. I always get a chuckle out of that, it makes my day.

ScyamoreBoutiqu, I like your style! Keep on growin'!

[mrs_coffee]

Even if it is, I don't care. We all age, we all die. Looking younger isn't going to stop the process so, yeah. I do what makes me feel good about myself, not what makes me look "young." Youth is overrated anyway.

[moxamoll]

I think the only reason to cut your hair as you age is if it becomes difficult to care for; for example if arthritis in your hands means you can't comfortably hold the comb long enough to detangle or if you can't work behind your head to do updos anymore. The only time long hair is "aging" is when you can't take care of it.

[longishhair]

Even if it is, I don't care. We all age, we all die. Looking younger isn't going to stop the process so, yeah. I do what makes me feel good about myself, not what makes me look "young." Youth is overrated anyway.

Ditto. I don't get the whole fuss about why it's so bad to look one's age... well, maybe that's just me :)

[Henna Girl]

Yesterday I went out with a friend that hasn't seen me since my hair was chin length, and she said that I actually look so much younger now with longer hair, yay :happy dance: so the "long hair is ageing" thing is just a myth after all.

[Frida]

Ditto. I don't get the whole fuss about why it's so bad to look one's age... well, maybe that's just me :)

I'm another one that doesn't see what is so horrible about ageing. It's natural and it's a part of life. Besides, it's going to happen whether you like it or not. I intend to keep my hair long as I get older and I refuse to dye it. I don't care what anyone thinks!

[Jumper]

People think I'm still in high school but I'm actually 22 with a bachelors degree... Hahaha. If my long hair is aging me I don't want to know what short hair would do, make people ask if I'm in middle school?

I do find some updo's make me look older, like any time I pull the hair back too tight to my head I think I look much older than I am.

[YamaMaya]

They probably said that out of jealously. I find that many people will try to discourage women from growing their hair after a certain age. Ignore the naysayers and do what makes you happy.

[katelinn]

Both my aunt and my mum are 58 this year and both stopped cutting their hair a few years ago. My mum had chin length hair in her 30ies and 40ies and my aunt had pixie for over 30 years.They both look younger and "fresher" than 15-20 years ago.

Also, and old-ish lady I know..she's in her 60ies I think..she had shoulder length hair..and cut it short last year...unfortunately it added 7-10 years in how old she looks.

My advice is, if you like long hair...let it grow!!

[duchesswannabe]

It's funny how people will accept other aspects of life as "that's the way it is" but looking as old as you are would indicate to some people that you are sick or need the dreaded makeover. I don't understand people; never will.

EDIT: Sorry, I lost the quote. This is in response to other posters who asked what is wrong with looking your age.

[itsnikki]

P.S: age 60
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg (http://s25.photobucket.com/user/spidermom/media/2f94fdaa-a2c3-4bd7-b3d9-d8e9386a0516_zps42853b13.jpg.html)
OMG, just look at all the hair dragging my face down.

Gravity works.

You rock longer hair! Seriously! Doesn't make you look older at all! :)

[itsnikki]

It's funny how people will accept other aspects of life as "that's the way it is" but looking as old as you are would indicate to some people that you are sick or need the dreaded makeover. I don't understand people; never will.

EDIT: Sorry, I lost the quote. This is in response to other posters who asked what is wrong with looking your age.

I agree! I was mistaken as being much younger for the longest. I really didn't like it.. Come on, what 18 year old wants to be told she looks 13! Now, I feel I look 30. My age. Nothing wrong with it! I really dislike the pressure to look younger. I think it's silly, because I can point out a beautiful person at any age! (My grandmother for instance. She has shorter curly hair and the prettiest smile I've ever seen! She is so beautiful to me!)

[Alun]

A friend I went to university with cut his hair short when he went bald, and quite honestly the haircut made him look older. Of course, I admit I'm biassed, but I swear he didn't look as old when he had long hair (when I say long, truthfully not LHC long), even without any hair on top! I realise there are people who will say that male pattern baldness with long hair is not a look they think guys should go for (including apparently most of the poor guy's family), but by cutting it he aged overnight, and looked a good thirty years older than his chronological age.

Now that may be a bit O/T, as what happened to him is unlikely to happen to any of the ladies here (I think Trolleypup is the only other guy that has posted in this thread), but I don't think anyone looks younger due to a haircut, whatever stylists may say to pad their pockets/purses or WHY.

[Long_hair_bear]

No. My long hair makes me look younger, more elf or maidenlike. I love long hair on most anyone, but guys particularly. I think most people look better with long hair. Its all a matter of opinion of course. :)

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I think what is more important is how you feel when you look in the mirror. If you're happy with your hair long, it doesn't matter how old you are.
Who cares if people think you look older, if you feel young and emit confidence you can pull of anything you like.
Personally I think it is important that people do what makes them happy regardless of what other people think.

One thing I have learned from being more, "alternative", is older women will always look at me and go "I wish I could pull that off!"
My response is always "Why can't you?" And usually they say "Because I'm old! Old people can't do that."
What? You can't do something because of age? You are an adult, you can do whatever the heck you want with your body.
Who cares if people look at you and think you're too old for whatever look you are trying to pull off, because people like me will see you and think "When I am that age, i will be doing that same thing! You rock."

Its all about confidence. If you have confidence in long hair, you can always pull it off, no matter how old you are.

[LauraLongLocks]

When I think of the women I've known who are older than me with long hair, it is always flattering on them. I'm 37, and I don't give one bit of attention to the argument that I need an "age appropriate" hairstyle now that I'm over 35. Most people actually guess me to be younger. I've been told recently that I look to be 28... not sure if the person was trying to flatter me, but hey, I'll take it.

I don't know... here's a no makeup pic of me last month. What do you think?

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Hair%20Gallery/006-2.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Hair%20Gallery/006-2.jpg.html)

And here's one with my hair down. Also no makeup.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Hair%20Gallery/002-8.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Hair%20Gallery/002-8.jpg.html)

Is my hair really pulling my face down and making me look older? I think I look darned good for being 37, and having 11 children. When I'm 40, I want to have the longest hair I've ever had in my life, be the fittest I've ever been in my life, and have the nicest skin I can possibly have.

[arr]

I think you look beautiful, Lauralonglocks. I think you look closer to 30 than 40. You have a happy radiant face. I also think your long hair contributes to your youthful look.

[ladylowtide]

I just wanted to agree with everyone in this thread. I think it operates similarly in all stages of life. At almost 23 I almost always mistaken for younger, while my same age peers with bobs and pixies are mistaken for late 20s and early 30s. Also my mother who is early 60s had a pixie for years, I encourage her to stop coloring and cutting. Now she has a fashionable shoulder length salt and pepper do and she looks late 40s early 50s. I think that whole dragging your face down thing is just something jealous women say to someone with hair that they envy. Just saying.

[HoneyDayTripper]

I think it depends on the health of the hair and other factors like the style of the person, how their skin looks, etc. Dry, limp hair that looks damaged could be aging. When I cut my hair to collar bone, I thought it aged me up a few years, but now that it's longer it aged me down.

[momschicklets]

LauraLongLocks your long hair doesn't age you one bit...it's very feminine, soft, youthful and beautiful! :blossom: And wow...eleven children? What a blessing!

[browneyedsusan]

I think what is more important is how you feel when you look in the mirror. If you're happy with your hair long, it doesn't matter how old you are.
Who cares if people think you look older, if you feel young and emit confidence you can pull of anything you like.
Personally I think it is important that people do what makes them happy regardless of what other people think.

One thing I have learned from being more, "alternative", is older women will always look at me and go "I wish I could pull that off!"
My response is always "Why can't you?" And usually they say "Because I'm old! Old people can't do that."
What? You can't do something because of age? You are an adult, you can do whatever the heck you want with your body.
Who cares if people look at you and think you're too old for whatever look you are trying to pull off, because people like me will see you and think "When I am that age, i will be doing that same thing! You rock."

Its all about confidence. If you have confidence in long hair, you can always pull it off, no matter how old you are.

^agree^
I turned heads with a teensy pixie, that I colored the dickens out of, when all the other moms were sporting SL hairdos. All of my friends were "You look so cute/edgy/spunky with an inch of hair. I could never do that!"
"Umm. Why not?"
"My husband wouldn't like it, I wouldn't look as cute/edgy/spunky as you, insert lame excuse here."
What is wrong with people? Do they not have any spine??? Not that I'm the most confident girl in the world, because I'm not, but as long as small children don't shrink in fear, I think I look good enough?




When I think of the women I've known who are older than me with long hair, it is always flattering on them. I'm 37, and I don't give one bit of attention to the argument that I need an "age appropriate" hairstyle now that I'm over 35. Most people actually guess me to be younger. I've been told recently that I look to be 28... not sure if the person was trying to flatter me, but hey, I'll take it.

I don't know... here's a no makeup pic of me last month. What do you think?

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Hair%20Gallery/006-2.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Hair%20Gallery/006-2.jpg.html)

And here's one with my hair down. Also no makeup.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Hair%20Gallery/002-8.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Hair%20Gallery/002-8.jpg.html)

Is my hair really pulling my face down and making me look older? I think I look darned good for being 37, and having 11 children. When I'm 40, I want to have the longest hair I've ever had in my life, be the fittest I've ever been in my life, and have the nicest skin I can possibly have.

I'm almost 48, and feel the same way. (Minus 9 children--I only have 2! You are a lucky girl!) I have similar goals for my 50th birthday. :)

[Crumpet]

LLL -- holy *****! You look gorgeous. Those bangs work perfectly on your face and the rest of your hair -- well, its gorgeous. You look fantastic! And raising 11 kids? That's a huge accomplishment. I would never guess your age, but more importantly, you look wonderful.

[patienceneeded]

Hair isn't aging. Aging is aging. Now, if only we could stop getting older...no one would look old.

I'm being facetious again.

It's all in your perceptions. If you think long hair makes you/others look older, then it will. If you believe firmly that long hair is youthful and you/others look younger/better, then you do. Period. It's perceptions and aesthetics.

[SkyChild]

LLL I would have guessed at late 20s too! Well done - you're a babe!

[lunalocks]

At my daughter's fancy, high school dance (it was a waltz evening with her orchestra playing waltzes and kids and parents and members of a local ballroom dance club attending, dressed to the nines) I was mistaken, from the back, to be a teenager! A (cute) high school boy passed me going up the stairs and did a double take when he turned around to look at me. I was 55 at the time. My hair was curled and almost hip at the time.

I am now almost TB. I do get pressure from the older ladies in the family to cut my hair because "it just isn't appropriate" to have long hair after age, oh, 30. They consider me the rebel, the black sheep, the hippie. I remember when my aunt caved into the pressure and cut her waist (or longer) hair. She cried for days and sank into a depression that lasted months. But she kept it short and permed anyway.

I have never seen my mother with hair longer than chin, or unpermmed. She also dyed it for years and years. Now she presses me to dye my very few silvers because, she says, it makes HER look older (my gosh, she's in her 90's), and does not support my long hair. I keep it up around her. I don't think she has any idea just how long it really is.

I think a severe, tight bun does add some years to my age, but a looser, softer updo is quite flattering.

[rachelbethany]

I am 24, and I would believe you if you told me you were 28. I wish I looked that healthy and alive sans makeup! I think your bangs are quite youthful. Maybe if your hair weren't so healthy looking and you didn't have the bangs framing your face, but pulling off long hair (or any hairstyle) is all about the details.

[LauraLongLocks]

I think you look beautiful, Lauralonglocks. I think you look closer to 30 than 40. You have a happy radiant face. I also think your long hair contributes to your youthful look. Thank you. I think it looks youthful, too.


LauraLongLocks your long hair doesn't age you one bit...it's very feminine, soft, youthful and beautiful! :blossom: And wow...eleven children? What a blessing! Yes, they are a blessing. I love them so much.



I'm almost 48, and feel the same way. (Minus 9 children--I only have 2! You are a lucky girl!) I have similar goals for my 50th birthday. :) Thanks, and great goals to have. Love your new signature pic. Your hair looks lovely and so long!


LLL -- holy *****! You look gorgeous. Those bangs work perfectly on your face and the rest of your hair -- well, its gorgeous. You look fantastic! And raising 11 kids? That's a huge accomplishment. I would never guess your age, but more importantly, you look wonderful. *blushing* Thank you! The bangs are growing out now, after having them for 2.5 years... I'm done with them. Loved them, but yeah, I'm ready for a change. There are always clip-ins.


LLL I would have guessed at late 20s too! Well done - you're a babe! *more blushing* Thanks!


I am 24, and I would believe you if you told me you were 28. I wish I looked that healthy and alive sans makeup! I think your bangs are quite youthful. Maybe if your hair weren't so healthy looking and you didn't have the bangs framing your face, but pulling off long hair (or any hairstyle) is all about the details. Thank you. I have enjoyed the bangs, but I'm ready to let them go. I hope I still look good when they are grown out. If not, there are always clip-ins. I'm certain I will prefer no bangs when I'm running/exercising. They really get sweaty on my forehead. The bangs are just below my eyebrows now. I'll wear clip-ins if I miss them. :) (besides, that'll help my ponytail circumference, too!)

See, OP? Long hair looks hot, at any age!

[Henna Girl]

When I think of the women I've known who are older than me with long hair, it is always flattering on them. I'm 37, and I don't give one bit of attention to the argument that I need an "age appropriate" hairstyle now that I'm over 35. Most people actually guess me to be younger. I've been told recently that I look to be 28... not sure if the person was trying to flatter me, but hey, I'll take it.

I don't know... here's a no makeup pic of me last month. What do you think?

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Hair%20Gallery/006-2.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Hair%20Gallery/006-2.jpg.html)

And here's one with my hair down. Also no makeup.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b270/Bestbirth/Hair%20Gallery/002-8.jpg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/Bestbirth/media/Hair%20Gallery/002-8.jpg.html)

Is my hair really pulling my face down and making me look older? I think I look darned good for being 37, and having 11 children. When I'm 40, I want to have the longest hair I've ever had in my life, be the fittest I've ever been in my life, and have the nicest skin I can possibly have.

You look beautiful and young Laura, I wouldn't give you more than 30 . Your hair is healthy and looks great, all this with 11 children! may god bless them all :)

[MadeiraD]

11 children, lady you are impressive! I hope I look as good as you after 2.

[Vrindi]

Long hair does not make you look older. This is a social construct that is designed to make women look the way society thinks they should look, and does not take into account the fact that a woman has her own brain, can do her own thinking, and can decide how to wear her own hair. If you want short hair, rock a pixie. If you want long hair, then don't let anyone try to convince you with idiotic reasoning that you can't do it because you're __ years old. If you want to look like a 40-year-old, then get the same haircut as every other 40-year-old. Things that make you look older: drinking, smoking, bad diets, too much sun, not taking care of yourself, stressing over how you look and how you measure up to strangers' expectations. Long hair is not on that list. You have been old enough to decide how to wear your own hair since you learned how to talk. Now, you are an adult and you get to tell people that you'll make your own decisions, thanks much.

Also, there are plenty of people who will tell you that you look older/worse/younger/whatever, when the truth may in fact be the opposite, because it is threatening when you go against society's rules, and jealousy can also be an issue. People will always have crap to say about someone who does their own thing, and people will also secretly, and not secretly, have a deep respect for those same people, even when others are trying to knock them down.

Also, why does "looking older" have to be such a bad thing?? Get over it! Everyone ages. And everyone can look stunning at any age. Just because you don't look the same kind of stunning at 60 as you can at 16, doesn't mean you can't radiate beauty. But if you worry about what other people think about how you look, as if you exist to please them (you don't), then you're blocking your own radiance.

[MadeiraD]

I think it's also that hair is a sexual signifier, longer is generally considered "more carnal" "more sexy" and people (read: misogynists) get really upset when they think about older women doing it.

[mrs_coffee]

I think it's also that hair is a sexual signifier, longer is generally considered "more carnal" "more sexy" and people (read: misogynists) get really upset when they think about older women doing it.

This is an important point! It's like those stupid lists telling women what men don't like to see us wearing. Every time I read one of those, I want to buy and wear every single thing on the list as some kind of douchebag repellent.

[LauraLongLocks]

This is an important point! It's like those stupid lists telling women what men don't like to see us wearing. Every time I read one of those, I want to buy and wear every single thing on the list as some kind of douchebag repellent.

Douchebag repellent? I need to buy myself some of that... lol!

[swearnsue]

I'll tell you what's ageing; trying to figure out my taxes this year. And good grief, health insurance! Could they make it any more difficult. Do I have to be a fricking accountant/lawyer/medical professional to make it through life?

Seriously though, I would card LLL before I sold her a beer. She looks like she's probably over 21, but just to be sure I'd ask for ID.

[Crumpet]

This is an important point! It's like those stupid lists telling women what men don't like to see us wearing. Every time I read one of those, I want to buy and wear every single thing on the list as some kind of douchebag repellent.

Absolutely! I feel the same way myself!!

[chen bao jun]

I think it's also that hair is a sexual signifier, longer is generally considered "more carnal" "more sexy" and people (read: misogynists) get really upset when they think about older women doing it.

Hmm, why is it then that its mostly women that tell other women that their long is age inappropriate, while men tend to admire long hair at any age? Also, I don't know what men you know, but the men I know are fine with women 'doing it' at any age. Way too fine with it. More respect (and less 'sex object') would be good.

"Also, why does "looking older" have to be such a bad thing?? Get over it! Everyone ages. And everyone can look stunning at any age. Just because you don't look the same kind of stunning at 60 as you can at 16, doesn't mean you can't radiate beauty. But if you worry about what other people think about how you look, as if you exist to please them (you don't), then you're blocking your own radiance."

I agree with this quote. Laura LL is very pretty and I don't know what age she looks (I'm bad at that) but if she DID happen to look like a pretty 30-something instead of pretty 20-something, would that really be so terrible? I don't get that. Why are we all so afraid that we just might possibly look like our actual age--horrors! THAT seems mysogynistic to me (since it's women that get devalued just for getting older--witness all the movies in which the 60-something leading man has a 20-something actress for his love interest--and a 30-something woman playing his mom.) Wierd.
I just mention Laura's name because her photo is up. I admire Laura like crazy. I love moms of more than the requisite 2.5 kids. And she certainly is pretty in my book.

[Tressie]

Well, IMHO, long hair generally doesn't make "older" women look older. I do feel that many of the women I attend church with do not approve of my hair, but they don't say anything negative. They don't say anything, as in "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." LOL! I don't care, however, so I suppose that's a good thing. I have had an older lady compliment me on my hair, but she is a sweetheart so it's not surprising that she compliments everyone. A nice role model that! I must confess that I am inclined to resist pressure to comply with what is expected in hair and fashion. I have always been this way though. (o:

[ravenreed]

Because in the U.S., at least, you face more age discrimination in the work place as a woman than you do as a man. Many, many, many women dye their hair and fight off looking older because they fear for their jobs and livelihoods. Because for all that we have made great strides forward in equality, women are still valued more for their looks by society than for their accomplishments. Our society equates youth with beauty. It sucks, but there it is. And finally, because frankly, although I know I am going to get older, I sure don't want to look it any sooner than necessary.

FWIW, I haven't yet had one person, male or female, tell me that my long hair is inappropriate at 44.


Hmm, why is it then that its mostly women that tell other women that their long is age inappropriate, while men tend to admire long hair at any age? Also, I don't know what men you know, but the men I know are fine with women 'doing it' at any age. Way too fine with it. More respect (and less 'sex object') would be good.

"Also, why does "looking older" have to be such a bad thing?? Get over it! Everyone ages. And everyone can look stunning at any age. Just because you don't look the same kind of stunning at 60 as you can at 16, doesn't mean you can't radiate beauty. But if you worry about what other people think about how you look, as if you exist to please them (you don't), then you're blocking your own radiance."

I agree with this quote. Laura LL is very pretty and I don't know what age she looks (I'm bad at that) but if she DID happen to look like a pretty 30-something instead of pretty 20-something, would that really be so terrible? I don't get that. Why are we all so afraid that we just might possibly look like our actual age--horrors! THAT seems mysogynistic to me (since it's women that get devalued just for getting older--witness all the movies in which the 60-something leading man has a 20-something actress for his love interest--and a 30-something woman playing his mom.) Wierd.
I just mention Laura's name because her photo is up. I admire Laura like crazy. I love moms of more than the requisite 2.5 kids. And she certainly is pretty in my book.

[LauraLongLocks]

I'll tell you what's ageing; trying to figure out my taxes this year. And good grief, health insurance! Could they make it any more difficult. Do I have to be a fricking accountant/lawyer/medical professional to make it through life?

Seriously though, I would card LLL before I sold her a beer. She looks like she's probably over 21, but just to be sure I'd ask for ID. Here, here! Taxes and health insurance this year... oye! Wow, not sure if I look over 21... last time I bought wine for cooking I was carded and didn't think anything of it. Ha! That's so funny, since I have a 22 year old daughter.


Hmm, why is it then that its mostly women that tell other women that their long is age inappropriate, while men tend to admire long hair at any age? Also, I don't know what men you know, but the men I know are fine with women 'doing it' at any age. Way too fine with it. More respect (and less 'sex object') would be good.

"Also, why does "looking older" have to be such a bad thing?? Get over it! Everyone ages. And everyone can look stunning at any age. Just because you don't look the same kind of stunning at 60 as you can at 16, doesn't mean you can't radiate beauty. But if you worry about what other people think about how you look, as if you exist to please them (you don't), then you're blocking your own radiance."

I agree with this quote. Laura LL is very pretty and I don't know what age she looks (I'm bad at that) but if she DID happen to look like a pretty 30-something instead of pretty 20-something, would that really be so terrible? I don't get that. Why are we all so afraid that we just might possibly look like our actual age--horrors! THAT seems mysogynistic to me (since it's women that get devalued just for getting older--witness all the movies in which the 60-something leading man has a 20-something actress for his love interest--and a 30-something woman playing his mom.) Wierd.
I just mention Laura's name because her photo is up. I admire Laura like crazy. I love moms of more than the requisite 2.5 kids. And she certainly is pretty in my book. Loved everything you said! I plan to grow old gracefully. Maybe I'll be one of those Dick Clark kind of people and not age until I'm near death and then I'll go downhill all at once and die, ha! But seriously, there's nothing wrong with getting older. I'm excited to get a few gray/white/silver hairs someday (though if I take after my mother, I will have about 20 grays by the time I am 70). I want to be my best self at every age, and when my hair is long, it just feels like me.

[mrs_coffee]

I want to be my best self at every age, and when my hair is long, it just feels like me.

That's the most important thing. You feel your best when you have long hair. I happen to think it looks lovely on you, but ultimately my opinion doesn't really matter. :)

[LongHairLesbian]

Lol at the idea that long hair "pulls your face down"- it's gravity that does that. :cool: Haha. Such nonsense. It's as ridiculous as the "common knowledge" that says short hair gives you more volume. Nope, my hair is still stick straight and flat, now I just have less of it. Forget the naysayers, and do what makes you feel like "you". :)

[wavyhair]

long hair doesent make you look older but alot of women get female pattern baldness /receding hairline or thinner hair due to lack of estrogen during menopause whitch can make hair flatter, thinner and some have a very wide part whitch isent flattering or small scale bald patches alot of women try to cover them up by brushing there hair this way and that way then they get so bord of covering up there thinning areas they get it cut short for easiness and give up this is usualy the case rather than looking older. im 48 and havent had any grey hairs or hair loss so far ,so dont think it will happen to you keep healthy look after your hair and keep your hair !

[Vrindi]

Hmm, why is it then that its mostly women that tell other women that their long is age inappropriate, while men tend to admire long hair at any age?


Because of competition and jealousy. If one woman can't have (or doesn't have the patience to grow) long, beautiful hair, then she doesn't want another woman around her who does for comparison— especially if the men around admire it. Better to pressure that woman to chop it so they're on more equal terms. Sad and disgusting, but true. We women oppress each other as much as anyone else.


Because in the U.S., at least, you face more age discrimination in the work place as a woman than you do as a man. Many, many, many women dye their hair and fight off looking older because they fear for their jobs and livelihoods. Because for all that we have made great strides forward in equality, women are still valued more for their looks by society than for their accomplishments. Our society equates youth with beauty.

This is also true, and a good point. I think I lose sight of this issue, because although mine is related, it's a little different. I'm a creative woman working in a technical field (video) which is mostly male. When I walk on set with my equipment, I have all kinds of people rushing over to me, grabbing my (very expensive) camera equipment out of my hands to "help" me carry it. They don't do this to the men in the crew. (Dude, I realize I'm comically small in comparison to my production bags, but I work out, and clearly I'm not struggling, and while I appreciate the "chivalry," in this case it's disempowering and assumes I'm weak and can't do my job, so kindly GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY EQUIPMENT and let me do my job. K thanks.) In my case, if I look too "pretty" or girly, it's death to my professionalism. I wear makeup, and I always look nice, but you will never see me wearing heels or overly-fashionable clothes to work. I tend do look more indi-hipster. I get a little leeway being a "creative." I'm expected to look a little different, and I use that to my advantage. But I forget that other women really have to rely on beauty in order to get the attention on their work, whereas I have to downplay my looks so people will look at my work and not me. It was not fair of me to say "get over it."

[nakima]

Wear your hair the way you want, I do and i'm 53 and I have always looked better with long hair than short and people always guess me 10 to 12 years younger. So when you look in the mirror and like what you see then thats what you need to do. It doesnt matter what other people think.We're in this world having our own journey it's not about what (they) think. Who ever they is? :)

[chen bao jun]

I've always handled being a woman the same way I handle being black. sure there are people who have prejudices but life is too short for me to worry about it. I figure that if I am the best qualified I possibly can be and make sure I have skills that no one else else does (which I do, not that no one else does, but that few people have), people in need of those skills are not going to care if I am blue, yellow or green with purple spots, whether I am male or female or young or old. so far this has worked very well and taken me exactly where I want to go. I figure God has a place for me and that nothing is going to get in the way of that. So I don't really care what age I look, so long as I am clean, neat, polite and feel comfortable with my appearance (which I currently do with long hair).
I have seen my mother do this all her life--she is 82 now and being the best at what she does remains in demand everywhere, when she wants to work. and people listen to what she says. sometimes when she shows up, people are surprised that someone with her qualifications and experience is black, but she doesn't have time to make a issue of this or worry about it and trust me, once she starts talking, they are not thinking about that anymore at all.

[chen bao jun]

Also, I have quit telling people what age I supposedly 'look like.' I just tell them the age I am. Nobody else has to do this, but that's what I'm comfortable with.
I may be an army of one, but I think this is the best way to fight 'ageism'. I just don't want to hear 'how young' I possibly look, because I think it honestly has nothing to do with anything. I couldn't have half the things I have--long marriage, adult kids, years of experience, hopefully some wisdom gained, if I was actually still a young woman. I want the young women to look at me and think they have something to look forward to, not years of decline and wishing for their youth back (troublesome as youth can be when you actually have it. It really is an insecure time of life).

[harpgal]

Aging makes people look older, not hair.
How true! Aging isn't something that any of us can do anything about. It happens, no matter what. However, hair length is something we can do something about. Looking like a dandelion gone to seed is not what I want to look like. I love my hair; no other opinion matters.

[ravenreed]

Good for you that you can overcome such things. I imagine a lot depends on the field that you work in, and how desperately you need a paycheck. I noticed when I worked in worked in a Seismology Lab that things were a little different from what I had been familiar with. The only women who wore feminine clothing were the secretaries. The women on the science side of things definitely dressed differently (very gender neutral) to make darn certain that everyone didn't mistake them for the secretaries.


I've always handled being a woman the same way I handle being black. sure there are people who have prejudices but life is too short for me to worry about it. I figure that if I am the best qualified I possibly can be and make sure I have skills that no one else else does (which I do, not that no one else does, but that few people have), people in need of those skills are not going to care if I am blue, yellow or green with purple spots, whether I am male or female or young or old. so far this has worked very well and taken me exactly where I want to go. I figure God has a place for me and that nothing is going to get in the way of that. So I don't really care what age I look, so long as I am clean, neat, polite and feel comfortable with my appearance (which I currently do with long hair).
I have seen my mother do this all her life--she is 82 now and being the best at what she does remains in demand everywhere, when she wants to work. and people listen to what she says. sometimes when she shows up, people are surprised that someone with her qualifications and experience is black, but she doesn't have time to make a issue of this or worry about it and trust me, once she starts talking, they are not thinking about that anymore at all.

[ravenreed]

FWIW, people have always guessed that I am younger than I am. No matter if my hair was long or short, whether I was fat or thin. I get astonished looks when I mention having sons old enough to drink. Personally, I think my face may finally be catching up with my age. I know my hands and decollete have. My hair would be a giveaway if it wasn't currently a lovely purple. I think it is mostly my attitude that confuses people.

[chen bao jun]

You are very beautiful and with your bone structure, you will be beautiful forever. Keep handling your age with grace.

How true! Aging isn't something that any of us can do anything about. It happens, no matter what. However, hair length is something we can do something about. Looking like a dandelion gone to seed is not what I want to look like. I love my hair; no other opinion matters.

BTW, this is me at 60:

<picture removed by request>

[chen bao jun]

Good for you that you can overcome such things. I imagine a lot depends on the field that you work in, and how desperately you need a paycheck. I noticed when I worked in worked in a Seismology Lab that things were a little different from what I had been familiar with. The only women who wore feminine clothing were the secretaries. The women on the science side of things definitely dressed differently (very gender neutral) to make darn certain that everyone didn't mistake them for the secretaries.
Good for you, working with seismology, that is a very interesting field.
I came of age in the late 60's and early 70's, I went first to a high school and then to a college (Ivy League) that had only recently admitted women and in both of them women were rare and our abilities and intelligence were openly suspect. As for 'needing a paycheck' I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth and my mom is not only a woman of color but she is an immigrant from a third world country. we started out in the US living in slums and ghettoes in the inner city. this was back when racism was open and not disgraceful, either. so I am not talking out of my hat. I have always found that what you think of yourself matters more than what anybody else thinks about you and you KNOW I am not going to start worrying about my age after living life just fine (in fact, being quite successful) for all these years with what are supposed to be bigger strikes against a person, if you let yourself think in those terms. Avoid bitterness, treat people the way you want to be treated, never let anyone convince you are a victim and don't just do 100% if you can do 150%. that's my advice and I do think my age and life experiences give me at least some credibility.

[ravenreed]

As someone who came out of the foster care system and beat astonishing odds (Over 60% of those who age out of foster care end up dead, in jail, or homeless their first year out. A minuscule amount make it to college at all.), I am very grateful and don't assume that everyone in the same boat will the good fortune to do the same. In my case there was an element of luck involved- being smarter than the average soul who goes through the system, pure luck that I didn't end up in a group home, pure luck that I ended up with excellent foster mother (the second home I was placed with btw) who kept me in one spot and let me age out of the system while providing support afterwards... there was quite a bit of help along the way. Then there was my own sheer stubbornness. Of course, I had the misfortune of ending up in foster care at all. I went to 12 schools between kindergarten and high school. Can you imagine how amazingly confusing that was? I am not boasting when I say that only someone very bright could have kept up with her education at all... So no, I don't expect the average foster care escapee to have the stamina, intellect, stubbornness, the self esteem, and determination to even consider college. I know that I am a result of a unique set of circumstances.


Good for you, working with seismology, that is a very interesting field.
I came of age in the late 60's and early 70's, I went first to a high school and then to a college (Ivy League) that had only recently admitted women and in both of them women were rare and our abilities and intelligence were openly suspect. As for 'needing a paycheck' I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth and my mom is not only a woman of color but she is an immigrant from a third world country. we started out in the US living in slums and ghettoes in the inner city. this was back when racism was open and not disgraceful, either. so I am not talking out of my hat. I have always found that what you think of yourself matters more than what anybody else thinks about you and you KNOW I am not going to start worrying about my age after living life just fine (in fact, being quite successful) for all these years with what are supposed to be bigger strikes against a person, if you let yourself think in those terms. Avoid bitterness, treat people the way you want to be treated, never let anyone convince you are a victim and don't just do 100% if you can do 150%. that's my advice and I do think my age and life experiences give me at least some credibility.

[itdontmatter48]

I surely hope not since I am 51 with tbl hair. I think some people are close minded and I do not need their permission.

[duchesswannabe]

Also, I have quit telling people what age I supposedly 'look like.' I just tell them the age I am. Nobody else has to do this, but that's what I'm comfortable with.
I may be an army of one, but I think this is the best way to fight 'ageism'. I just don't want to hear 'how young' I possibly look, because I think it honestly has nothing to do with anything. I couldn't have half the things I have--long marriage, adult kids, years of experience, hopefully some wisdom gained, if I was actually still a young woman. I want the young women to look at me and think they have something to look forward to, not years of decline and wishing for their youth back (troublesome as youth can be when you actually have it. It really is an insecure time of life).

The only thing I miss about youth are people that gave me pleasure or wisdom that are no longer walking the earth experiencing life with me. Other than that, a lot of it was a big fat pain, and I am unlearning now so much of the brainwashing I and many others endured as a young person.

[ravenreed]

I miss the certainty. When I was younger everything seemed so much more concrete and straightforward. I was convinced that if I just tried hard enough that I would eventually have the answers to everything. The older I get, the fewer answers I have and the more questions I end up with.


The only thing I miss about youth are people that gave me pleasure or wisdom that are no longer walking the earth experiencing life with me. Other than that, a lot of it was a big fat pain, and I am unlearning now so much of the brainwashing I and many others endured as a young person.

[duchesswannabe]

I miss the certainty. When I was younger everything seemed so much more concrete and straightforward. I was convinced that if I just tried hard enough that I would eventually have the answers to everything. The older I get, the fewer answers I have and the more questions I end up with.

Thanks; I forgot about that momentarily. :)

[FuzzyBlackWaves]

My mum is 44. She has hair nearing classic and still gets id'd when she tries to buy alcohol.

Similarly I'm 21 and have MBL hair and people confuse me for a teenager when I have no makeup on. And I'm humongously tall.

[ravenreed]

I miss the certainty. When I was younger everything seemed so much more concrete and straightforward. I was convinced that if I just tried hard enough that I would eventually have the answers to everything. The older I get, the fewer answers I have and the more questions I end up with.


The only thing I miss about youth are people that gave me pleasure or wisdom that are no longer walking the earth experiencing life with me. Other than that, a lot of it was a big fat pain, and I am unlearning now so much of the brainwashing I and many others endured as a young person.

[Vrindi]

Good for you that you can overcome such things. I imagine a lot depends on the field that you work in, and how desperately you need a paycheck. I noticed when I worked in worked in a Seismology Lab that things were a little different from what I had been familiar with. The only women who wore feminine clothing were the secretaries. The women on the science side of things definitely dressed differently (very gender neutral) to make darn certain that everyone didn't mistake them for the secretaries.
^^ This right here. I love my pretty sun dresses and skirts. I will NEVER wear anything remotely like that to work.


How true! Aging isn't something that any of us can do anything about. It happens, no matter what. However, hair length is something we can do something about. Looking like a dandelion gone to seed is not what I want to look like. I love my hair; no other opinion matters.

BTW, this is me at 60:
<picture removed by request>

Your hair is amazing.

[VJG]

I do not consider long hair ageing at all. It remains truly beautiful at all ages. I am always delighted when I see older women with longer-than-BSL hair. It's rare but it can be so very lovely.

[ErinLeigh]

Your eyes and skin are what age you. They naturally age. It is human. But does hair add to that? No, not length. Maybe shape, cut and color can add or subtract years but really it is all in the face. Some cuts may flatter more but length itself to me is more "youthful" just due to association.

I can never understand why people say long hair past middle age in inappropriate? Why? How? It is wrong to feel sexual or pretty past 40?
What if the reasons aren't even for appearance but for comfort? Can one not feel comfort past middle age either? Must we toss our identities and become someone new? I happen to like myself. Why should I give up who I am because it is "appropriate"

Why is it society tells us we must look young, yet if you have "youthful" hair you must cut it? How does that make sense. How does an aging cut become appropriate and youthful when it is an "old lady" cut by association?

[Autumn_Fairy]

I've heard this before too. I think long hair on anybody makes them look younger because long healthy hair is a sign of overall good health which implies youthfulness.

On a more general aesthetic level, I can sort of understand the argument. Hair length and style is an individual thing and some people do feel that it makes them look older, some don't. You should do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and happy. If you love long hair, you will look younger as a result of the confidence it gives you to have it.

I personally feel like most short hair styles make me look older, but everyone is individual.

[SunlightShines]

:lol:I don't think it's hair length that makes us old. It's the life we live that does that. I've had long and short hair and no matter what the length, someone always says I should have it the opposite of what it is. I'm 47 and trying to grow it long again, because that's how I like it. LOL...and it gives my wrinkles something to hide behind!

[Autumn_Fairy]

:lol:I don't think it's hair length that makes us old. It's the life we live that does that. I've had long and short hair and no matter what the length, someone always says I should have it the opposite of what it is. I'm 47 and trying to grow it long again, because that's how I like it. LOL...and it gives my wrinkles something to hide behind!

I love that last reason. . to hide the wrinkles! lol Never thought of that. haha

[LaurelSpring]

I started here in 2008 when I was about 45. I don't know why the urge to grow started. It just did. I got a lot of flack from a couple of friends who said I looked matronly when my hair was up and scraggly when it was down. At that time it made me feel younger and more sexy. I loved it. I started calling it my mid life crisis as a joke. I got as far as tailbone and then I started slowly getting shorter. Now, in the last couple of months for some reason it has started to feel all wrong for me to be super long. I cant explain why or how it changed for me. Instead of feeling younger and sexier I started feeling older and weighed down. In the last couple of weeks I have gone from below waist to just above bsl. I just made my last 2 inch cut today. Now, today, this length feels wonderful. Now, at this moment I feel younger and sexier with this length and I can still do all of the updos and things I enjoyed doing at the longer length. It was more some sort of internal shift rather than dependent on any external stimuli. I guess this is my long winded way of saying to be true to yourself and what feels good to you.

[mrs_coffee]

I can never understand why people say long hair past middle age in inappropriate? Why? How? It is wrong to feel sexual or pretty past 40?

I actually think a lot of people DO have a problem with women past a certain age looking like a sexual being. We're supposed to shrink into the background after 40 and lose our sexuality, or at least keep it hidden.

I really love where this thread has gone. Such valuable discussion happening here. :)

[PixxieStix]

Honestly I think it really depends on the woman as to what hair style suits her best and gives her a youthful appearance, as well as how she styles it. Some looks are more flattering than others, but really, as long as you like your hair, who cares what others think?!

[Rufflebutt]

Honestly I tend to think of short bobs when I think of old ladies.

And it depends on the individual. Face-framing bits or bangs along with long thick hair tend to look more youthful in my opinion. But I can see how long center-parted hair can add years by making the face appear longer than it really is and emphasizing the "gravity".

But all in all, you should do what you want with your hair.

[Rufflebutt]

You rock longer hair! Seriously! Doesn't make you look older at all! :)
Ditto. Cutting off all her hair would make her look OLDER!

[Theobroma]

I've worn my hair up all the time for the last four years. It's around classic now, though very few people know this as it's always in a bun and pulled straight back from my face.

The other day I was visiting the neighbours and the lady stared at me and said, completely without provocation, "you look at least ten years younger than you are".

So yep. Long hair and updos are soooo ageing it isn't funny! :D

[Chiquita Banana]

I think that generally long hair makes you look younger. It definitely does for me. Many have told me that women my age shouldn't have long hair (41) but I could care less what they think. I like it long. My husband likes it long. Even my kids like it long. I'm keeping it long.

[roseomalley]

I agree with wavyhair, who posted earlier in this thread, the thinning out and bald spots are what ages more than the length. I am 67 and used to have lots of fine hair. Unfortunately, my hair has thinned out. The front, especially. I no longer have lovely, softening bangs. I need the bang hair to fill in my hairline. This puts me in a quandary...I no longer can soften the look around my face with bangs. I wear my hair up in a French twist or braid. I am very careful to check no bald spots are showing I so wish I could make it less harsh looking.

[chen bao jun]

Ravenreed, thanks for posting about your experiences in the foster care system and the statistics. It is good to make people aware of this. Kids deserted by their parents do indeed have the odds stacked against them in all kinds of ways that the general population does not understand. I know something about it because family members have been foster parents trying to help. My sister is doing that right now and during our childhood many family members did that (most of my aunts). I am also close to friends who have adopted from the Ukraine (obviously before this past month!) and it is even worse there than here. I help out a lot with their adopted children and am close to the kids and we talk (I speak some Russian, not very well, but enough to make me helpful). It is admirable that you had the smarts/luck/grace to do so well in spite of this and I can see how you would want to be careful to not have the odds against you in any way that you have control over, having been in that position where the odds were against you and you had no control.
It is also great that you keep a heart for those stuck in the system and remain aware that the opportunities that came up for you are not available to everyone. that is why I think it is so important for those of us can help to be aware of the situation so that we DO something.
I do that think that getting older as a woman is not really comparable to what children go through when they have been deserted, though. It is not a disability of some kind to be an older woman (just as it is not a disability to be black) and I think trying to pretend to be a younger woman is actually on some level comparable to being a very light-skinned black person and pretending that you are white for job or other purposes (I have family members who have done this and it is not an uncommon thing to do even nowadays)--that is, not attacking the problem at the root but just making sure that you personally are not affected by it. It seems to me to be sort of saying that being older is bad or 'deficient' just as pretending to be white seems to be agreeing that being black is deficient.
and I must stand my ground with saying that in life, bitterness about anything will hold you back, even if it is a valid thing to be bitter about, and that it is important to always do your best and never feel sorry for yourself.

[chen bao jun]

roseomalley, my mom at age 82 really had good results with getting ridding of thinning and actual bald spots by rubbing this into her scalp consistently. the bald spots are gone and the thinning has filled in
maybe worth a try?
http://www.amazon.com/Jamaican-Black-Castor-Oil-8oz/dp/B003CTTZQQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1395940644&sr=1-1&keywords=jamaican+black+castor+oil

[ravenreed]

I am not bitter at all. I am, as I said, grateful. Nor am I a victim, as I am very much a survivor.

I wouldn't call being a woman or black a disability, but a disadvantage. We all have areas of privilege and disadvantages. Some of us start with more than others. While I don't think my situation and being a person of color or female are on the same level, there are gradients of disadvantage, and I do think being a woman in our society still has a significant level (Although perhaps not as much as being a person of color. I don't know.). It is much better than it was, certainly. However- Why are older women so often left in poorer economic circumstances than men in the same age group (women are twice as likely to be in poverty than men in old age)? Why is it that women are being given all these messages about what we should do with our hair, our clothes, our makeup as we get older? What are the comparable messages that men get as they get older? I am sure there are plenty of aspects to this that I haven't even thought about because it is not a demographic that I have spent much time with until recently. My mom is retired and getting older, and she is surrounded by cute LOLies (little old ladies), so I am suddenly made much more aware of an aspect of life that I haven't thought much about until recently, to be honest.

FWIW, I haven't ever been one to care much about what society thinks about me. I dye my hair because it reflects who I am, not because I am afraid of what others will think of me. If I was trying to fool people, my hair wouldn't be bright purple. I am sure that I get more disapproving looks at my color choice at my age than having long hair at my age. Lol! However, I watched my mother in her last years of working, dealing with ageism as well as sexism in a very male dominated field, and trying to hang on for just a little longer so she would have some level of financial security in old age. She could have gone proudly in with gray hair, and they would most likely have found a reason to fire her. It took her ages just to find a job in her early 60's, so she knew that she was unlikely to find another. While she wasn't fooling anyone about being a young woman, she certainly wasn't willing to advertise that she was old enough to retire. Especially since it was right during the financial meltdown and her entire retirement had taken a huge hit. She couldn't have retired then if she had wanted to.

I can only speak for my own experience in life. I think everyone has to find their own place to draw the line in the sand, and I am not one to decide where it should be for someone else. I recognize that we all have different levels of comfort based on our life experience, and for some it is easier to be outspoken and stand out. Some never will. Me, I am a scrapper. I will shake my fist and rail at the gods themselves.


Ravenreed, thanks for posting about your experiences in the foster care system and the statistics. It is good to make people aware of this. Kids deserted by their parents do indeed have the odds stacked against them in all kinds of ways that the general population does not understand. I know something about it because family members have been foster parents trying to help. My sister is doing that right now and during our childhood many family members did that (most of my aunts). I am also close to friends who have adopted from the Ukraine (obviously before this past month!) and it is even worse there than here. I help out a lot with their adopted children and am close to the kids and we talk (I speak some Russian, not very well, but enough to make me helpful). It is admirable that you had the smarts/luck/grace to do so well in spite of this and I can see how you would want to be careful to not have the odds against you in any way that you have control over, having been in that position where the odds were against you and you had no control.
It is also great that you keep a heart for those stuck in the system and remain aware that the opportunities that came up for you are not available to everyone. that is why I think it is so important for those of us can help to be aware of the situation so that we DO something.
I do that think that getting older as a woman is not really comparable to what children go through when they have been deserted, though. It is not a disability of some kind to be an older woman (just as it is not a disability to be black) and I think trying to pretend to be a younger woman is actually on some level comparable to being a very light-skinned black person and pretending that you are white for job or other purposes (I have family members who have done this and it is not an uncommon thing to do even nowadays)--that is, not attacking the problem at the root but just making sure that you personally are not affected by it. It seems to me to be sort of saying that being older is bad or 'deficient' just as pretending to be white seems to be agreeing that being black is deficient.
and I must stand my ground with saying that in life, bitterness about anything will hold you back, even if it is a valid thing to be bitter about, and that it is important to always do your best and never feel sorry for yourself.

[chen bao jun]

Your posts are interesting, Ravenreed.
I just can't see myself as being disadvantaged. Definitely not by being black. To me, this is just a variation in appearance the same as having blonde hair as opposed to brunette hair or blue eyes vs. brown, and I've never been able to see it as having any meaning whatsoever or anything to do with who I am inside. Of course I know that there are people who attach all kinds of meanings to it, sometimes negative, sometimes positive, but I never can manage to feel that this is very interesting, much less of any relevance to me. It just seems like being lazy in your thinking and accepting things as fact without questioning, something I have never been prone to. People are all unique, you can't make any assumptions about them based upon their outside without being wrong, wrong, wrong--although doing this does seem easy.
I put it in the same category as being 'good-looking' according to society's standards. All of my life people's #1 first remark to me has been "You're so pretty". And the accompanying stereotyping has gone along with that too--but maybe you know this. Pretty=empty-headed, because obviously this is SUCH a benefit that anyone whose outside looks good to others must have coasted through life depending on their looks and never ever used their brain for anything. This goes to a ridiculous level, from other women telling me I don't understand this that or the thing that they've experienced that I've experienced too, 'because you're pretty', to being accused of getting jobs because of my looks (though I have an Ivy League education) to being gravely, gravely ill or having a family tragedy and being 'comforted' with--'But you still look so good!' I also put this in the category of not knowing anything about ME (because I am not my exterior, and as they say here on LHC, I'm not here to decorate anyone else's world). I ignore this too (and am very careful not to do it to others. Not to treat anyone in a certain way or assume anything about either because they are or are not attractive according to society). One (blackness) is supposed to be a disadvantage and the other ('prettyness') is supposed to be an advantage, but its all just the outside which means--NOTHING.
So far as being a woman, that's not your exterior, that goes to the very core of your being, where your DNA is coded XX instead of XY. Nothing can ever really change that (while I've lived in other countries where I could not convince anyone that I was black and as we all know, a car accident or the inevitable fact of aging takes away 'pretty'). But again, I think this is mostly what you make of it. A person could point out, for instance that there are so many old ladies alone because the men mostly die younger (stress and overwork). My mom has gone on to a whole other life since my dad passed away and just loves being over 80. She has a decent amount of money, I guess, but she of course, like me, thinks in the terms that one does in a third world country. There are no poor people in the US, or very very few--nobody here lives the way she grew up. there is 'inequality' here--everyone is not the same rich, but you know, when I used to live in the ghetto, my relatives would come from abroad, important people in my home country and hang out with us in the 'slums' for months, enjoying the indoor toilets and the running water and the supermarkets full of food of all kinds, flour that doesn't have weevils in it and rice without straw to pick out and all the disadvantaged kids who still had great teeth and straight limbs and no diseases like rickets--I would never deny we have problems to fix here but a lot of this is really, really relative.

[roseomalley]

Chen Bao Chun, Thank you for hearing my plea with your suggestion of Jamaican castor oil. I am going to order it and give it a try. Your mom is my hero!

[Ennapic]

No, the only thing that adds years to your age is the years you have lived ;)

I celebrated being 40 then 50 and next year at 60 - watch out!

[ravenreed]

My goodness, how off topic can we wander? This has been a fascinating side convo, I cannot lie.

I would argue that the older women I have known have worked just as hard as the older men, whether in or outside the home. I was far more stressed with toddlers underfoot than at any job I ever worked. Add to that the women who worked outside the home were often single parents and all the stress that entails... well you can see where I am going with that.

As for third world poverty, I would hope that being a first world nation that we wouldn't have that same level of poverty. However, the numbers of children going to be hungry and families that are homeless seem to be growing, rather than shrinking. Food insecurity is on the increase, and food banks are turning people away. I don't see it as relative, I see it as a crisis that desperately needs addressing. Unfortunately, I also see it as a trend that will be likely to continue.

The fact that you have such innate resilience might make it difficult for you to see the points I am making. They are a part of your psychological makeup, whether from genetic or cultural reasons, or even experiential reasons. Alas, not everyone possess that resilience. I think that even more than intellect, resilience is a key factor in surviving difficult circumstances.

Ah well, I have derailed this thread enough. I wish you well, Chen Bao Jun.


Your posts are interesting, Ravenreed.
I just can't see myself as being disadvantaged. Definitely not by being black. To me, this is just a variation in appearance the same as having blonde hair as opposed to brunette hair or blue eyes vs. brown, and I've never been able to see it as having any meaning whatsoever or anything to do with who I am inside. Of course I know that there are people who attach all kinds of meanings to it, sometimes negative, sometimes positive, but I never can manage to feel that this is very interesting, much less of any relevance to me. It just seems like being lazy in your thinking and accepting things as fact without questioning, something I have never been prone to. People are all unique, you can't make any assumptions about them based upon their outside without being wrong, wrong, wrong--although doing this does seem easy.
I put it in the same category as being 'good-looking' according to society's standards. All of my life people's #1 first remark to me has been "You're so pretty". And the accompanying stereotyping has gone along with that too--but maybe you know this. Pretty=empty-headed, because obviously this is SUCH a benefit that anyone whose outside looks good to others must have coasted through life depending on their looks and never ever used their brain for anything. This goes to a ridiculous level, from other women telling me I don't understand this that or the thing that they've experienced that I've experienced too, 'because you're pretty', to being accused of getting jobs because of my looks (though I have an Ivy League education) to being gravely, gravely ill or having a family tragedy and being 'comforted' with--'But you still look so good!' I also put this in the category of not knowing anything about ME (because I am not my exterior, and as they say here on LHC, I'm not here to decorate anyone else's world). I ignore this too (and am very careful not to do it to others. Not to treat anyone in a certain way or assume anything about either because they are or are not attractive according to society). One (blackness) is supposed to be a disadvantage and the other ('prettyness') is supposed to be an advantage, but its all just the outside which means--NOTHING.
So far as being a woman, that's not your exterior, that goes to the very core of your being, where your DNA is coded XX instead of XY. Nothing can ever really change that (while I've lived in other countries where I could not convince anyone that I was black and as we all know, a car accident or the inevitable fact of aging takes away 'pretty'). But again, I think this is mostly what you make of it. A person could point out, for instance that there are so many old ladies alone because the men mostly die younger (stress and overwork). My mom has gone on to a whole other life since my dad passed away and just loves being over 80. She has a decent amount of money, I guess, but she of course, like me, thinks in the terms that one does in a third world country. There are no poor people in the US, or very very few--nobody here lives the way she grew up. there is 'inequality' here--everyone is not the same rich, but you know, when I used to live in the ghetto, my relatives would come from abroad, important people in my home country and hang out with us in the 'slums' for months, enjoying the indoor toilets and the running water and the supermarkets full of food of all kinds, flour that doesn't have weevils in it and rice without straw to pick out and all the disadvantaged kids who still had great teeth and straight limbs and no diseases like rickets--I would never deny we have problems to fix here but a lot of this is really, really relative.

[chen bao jun]

I agree that the off-topic discussion has been interesting. Respect your point of view, still disagree. I think your life experiences probably make it difficult for you to see the point I am trying to make, which is that attitude counts a lot more more than most people think. Anyway, threadjack over, back to the subject! Also wish you well.

[Venefica]

The idea is that as one age usually the face begins to sag a bit as the skin get less flexible and then having something hang beside it adds to the sagging effect and so long hair in that theory make someone look older. Now here is the thing it all depends on your face, how you wear your hair and so on. For the most part for me I think someone look older when they cut their hair short as it is so common, you have ladies with beautiful long hair but when they get to 40 they drop showing skin and cut their hair to a pixie, they might as well put on a middle aged lady uniform. I do not think long hair look aging, in fact I think long hair look beautiful on anyone, if one have a problem with he drooping thing though wearing one's hair up and not just having it hang there might be more flattering, however most women aged 46 do not droop, most women aged 60 do not droop and many never droop they just get some lines in their face which just make them look more dignified.