bad "hair confidence"?

[tlover]

Hi,

I have had long or half long hair since I was about 12 (apl or longer) but I have never really thought of my hair as "nice", "thick", "beautiful" etc when I was longer I did get comments on my hair ("why are you never changing your hairstyle" "you have to many split ends" "why don't you brush your hair") Or not really comments but ideas like you shouldn't wear your hair up if you can't get rid of the bumps that are created by the natural spirals of the hair.

How can you know if you have "good hair" or not if you can not "see it" youre self?

[sarahthegemini]

Hi,

I have had long or half long hair since I was about 12 (apl or longer) but I have never really thought of my hair as "nice", "thick", "beautiful" etc when I was longer I did get comments on my hair ("why are you never changing your hairstyle" "you have to many split ends" "why don't you brush your hair") Or not really comments but ideas like you shouldn't wear your hair up if you can't get rid of the bumps that are created by the natural spirals of the hair.

How can you know if you have "good hair" or not if you can not "see it" youre self?

I think it all comes down to not being so hard on yourself, we all are our own worse critics. Think of it this way, if you saw that (your) head of hair on someone else, what would you think?

Btw I happen to really like the look of curly/spiral-y hair pulled back with the 'bumps'! :D

[Madora]

I could tell I had good hair from my parents and my maternal grandmother. Hair "confidence" was never a problem for me!

[neko_kawaii]

No one has "good hair". Everyone has their own hair.

[TheBalance]

No one has "good hair". Everyone has their own hair.

I agree, I think what it comes down to is being comfortable with and learning to love your own natural hair. It can be tough for some people, especially those that have hair qualities that are not a part of the "mainstream beauty" image. Hair confidence comes from loving your hair!

[Sarahlabyrinth]

I think you just have to learn to love the hair that you do have. I used to hate my hair because it would never sit straight and smooth. Then I came to the LHC and discovered that my hair wasn't supposed to sit straight and smooth - because it is wavy hair! So I had to re-adjust my thinking and learnt to work with my hair to bring out its good points and maximise what it could do.

It' a learning curve. ETA Anyone can have good hair. It's a matter of learning hair care which works for your particular hair. And believing that you CAN do it.

[georgia_peach]

No one has "good hair". Everyone has their own hair. I needed this ^^^. :blossom:

[Rushli]

Just shows how we are all different. I love the bumps curly haired people get when they put their hair up.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Just shows how we are all different. I love the bumps curly haired people get when they put their hair up.

Haha, so do I!

[cathair]

Did you get those kind of comments at school? If so perhaps it was just other people still learning and noticing the differences between themselves and you. If it was later on, then I was have to question someone else's motivation to be so critical. What's it to them?

Do you literally mean you can't see your own hair like other people can see it? You can still take pictures and you can still feel it.

If it makes you happy, it feels like you and you enjoy having it, I think it is good hair whatever it is like, or whatever other people might think of it :)

[~Abi~]

Just shows how we are all different. I love the bumps curly haired people get when they put their hair up.

I used to really wish I had curly hair so I could have bumps and my hair wouldn't look slicked back when put up; I think it's quite pretty. I actually still wish I had curly-ish hair, but that's the only thing I would change about my hair. I'm just happy that my hair is healthy and strong, and that's "good" hair to me!

[ErinLeigh]

I think you have to make your own confidence. If you feel hair is beautiful then it is. It is kind of how I feel about my face. I find it odd. Somedays I can put that aside and rock it like I think I look good. I find on those days when I am saying to myself "hey I am pretty" that those are the days I actually get random compliments on being attractive. Same with my hair. I do not love it. Some days though I accept it and those are the days people comment on my hair looking great. I really believe it is how you feel and present. Something about that energy carries. People feel the vibe and pick up on it.

I am really sorry that someone made negative remarks that stuck with you. It makes me sad people speak out on difference in an unkind way.
Some are just plain mean and are say negative things because they are negative people. Some may have not known it was rude to point something else. Regardless, Their opinion is just that.. their opinion. They are not the decider of all that is beautiful. For every 1 who says something negative about an attribute, I bet there are 100 who admire it.

[Kimberly]

I grew up with a 1a mom who had no clue about curly hair. She would force me to blowdry "those stupid wrinkles" out of my hair and then curl it back up with a curling iron. So it's no surprise I have a bit of a (pun intended) hair trigger when someone criticizes my hair, or if I worry someone might.

[Stormynights]

Comment made to you as a child stays with you forever, whether they are true or not. When I was first starting to play with makeup, I was told that my lips were shaped bad and I should never wear lipstick. I was a makeup model at times (not full time) many years ago. The only time I ever wore lipstick was on stage for a show.

[Kimberly]

Stormynights, sending you a hug. :)

[tlover]

I got the most comments when I was a kid, some from when I was in a small school (9 kids in my class, 62 kids in the whole school).
No girl in the class had curly hair (I also had straight hair but some areas with almost curly hair but that is gone now) so all could make a non bumpy ponytail I just didn't care until I got that remark.


Now I like the way it feels but not how it look, so I'm really afraid that I really need a haircut because of splits (that I can't find but well others saw them so...) or something like that. I also like fairytale ends but I've also got remarks on that all my hairs aren't the same length (is that even possible) and because of that I should cut my hair.

[LadyCelestina]

Just shows how we are all different. I love the bumps curly haired people get when they put their hair up.

Me too!
And I always found it weird that sometimes people with looser curl pattern than me get bumps and I don't.I wish I had curls near the roots.

[pixldust]

I can't understand why people can't just keep their negative opinions to themselves. Small wonder that so many people are unconfident about aspects of their appearance.
When it comes to hair, a lot of people have a narrow viewpoint of what beautiful hair is, that is shaped by the beauty industry and haircare ads. Hair that has been heatstyled to within an inch of its life and loaded with tons of products. I never used to like my hair because it didn't look like the 'ideal'. Finding LHC was a godsend because now I'm starting to appreciate my hair the way it is naturally.
You're never going to be able to please everyone so there's no point in trying to. As long as you're happy with the way your hair looks and you're caring for it the best way you can, it really doesn't matter what others think. I'm pretty sure there are things about their appearance that they're not happy with and would be hurt if others commented on it.

[ErinLeigh]

Pixledust I agree so much. Things said especially to the young carry forever. I try to be so careful to not point out things on anyone. I even am a bit general with compliments in case they trigger something. A bit off topic by my SO is very sensitive about a certain feature. Whether it is pointed out positively or negatively he gets that split second look of being upset. He just prays it is never noticed or has attention called to it. In his mind if it is discussed that means it warranted being noticed. And this thing when noticed triggers major childhood issues of insecurity. I guess everyone has had some kind of number done on their psyche. I wouldn't go back to being young again for anything (unless I could keep my lessons learned from today). You are such a slate for the world to write on.

I have decided I am thankful for my poor memory. I hate remembering this that made me feel awkward.

[sarahthegemini]

I have no idea why people have to make nasty comments. I had a so-called 'friend' that used to always brag about how 'atleast she had nice hair' I uploaded a photo to Facebook once to update my profile pic and she ripped it to shreds because I had one bit of wispy hair. I'm a wavy! Meanwhile she would make complimentary comments to all her other friends ... yeah i'm still bitter.

[Bambi]

I have no idea why people have to make nasty comments. I had a so-called 'friend' that used to always brag about how 'atleast she had nice hair' I uploaded a photo to Facebook once to update my profile pic and she ripped it to shreds because I had one bit of wispy hair. I'm a wavy! Meanwhile she would make complimentary comments to all her other friends ... yeah i'm still bitter.

That is just so annoyingly rude!

[sarahthegemini]

That is just so annoyingly rude!

That was just one example. There are so many more. She was awful. I'm glad I realised how nasty she was and cut her out of my life. She would always be super lovely to others but an absolute cow to me.

[michelle1000]

No one has "good hair". Everyone has their own hair.
very well put

[michelle1000]

If you have splits find someone who will give you a dusting Just trimming the split ends off therefore you needn't loose any length If your hem is off they can slowly over time even it out without making a big chop
I got the most comments when I was a kid, some from when I was in a small school (9 kids in my class, 62 kids in the whole school).
No girl in the class had curly hair (I also had straight hair but some areas with almost curly hair but that is gone now) so all could make a non bumpy ponytail I just didn't care until I got that remark.


Now I like the way it feels but not how it look, so I'm really afraid that I really need a haircut because of splits (that I can't find but well others saw them so...) or something like that. I also like fairytale ends but I've also got remarks on that all my hairs aren't the same length (is that even possible) and because of that I should cut my hair.

[tlover]

If you have splits find someone who will give you a dusting Just trimming the split ends off therefore you needn't loose any length If your hem is off they can slowly over time even it out without making a big chop

I do S&D and when I do find splits its about "half up" in my hair, maby one or two at the ends but not more. But in a way I still belive people that tell me that I have split ends

[queenovnight]

No one has "good hair". Everyone has their own hair.


Oh my. I couldn't agree more.

[Sagi1982]

Theres no thing as good or bad hair, just your hair.

You can't change texture or volume (okay, you CAN change texture, but I don't recommend it), so do the best with that hair you have.

And: splits is kind of normal on long hair.