Maybe I should just cut it off

[TheLuckyLurker]

More a vent than anything else; I'm just not having a very good couple of days.

My hair. Just... why do I bother? Growing it to waist is starting to feel more and more like a joke every day. And even if I pull it off, it'll never look the way I want it to unless I do things to it that guarantee it won't stay at waist for very long. It's always dry (unless I wait too long to wash it; then it's a grease pit), it splits for no reason no matter how careful I am with it, washing and drying is so tedious and time-consuming that I dread doing it, it tangles for literally no reason; I can detangle it completely, stay sitting at the chair for two minutes without moving, and if I try run my fingers through it it's full of tangles again! So unless I straighten it, which would fry it in no time flat, I have to wear it up all the time. And even there, since I have to protect ends that seem to split just out of spite, I need updo's that I can securely tuck the ends under. Which for me amounts to cinnabuns and braided buns. The cinnabuns are easier. I don't need all this length for a cinnabun. And if I cut it that short, the washing and drying won't be so ridiculous. I could use the hot air brush or even the flat iron again whenever I felt like it. But that would be four years of effort wasted.

I think what pushed me over the edge on this was discovering the the two giant bottles of Suave almond shea butter conditioner I bought months ago to stock up while I could aren't conditioner. They're shampoo. Shampoo I really have no use for because my stupid, stupid scalp freaks out if I use anything besides generic Selsun Blue. That's also why I can't just CO wash, because god forbid I should be able to do anything that actually saves me time and effort. Shampoo that I can't even return because I no longer have the receipt. It's a good thing I also stocked up on Aussie Moist for the first C of my mandatory CWC, as well as SMT treatments (which don't even do much of anything for my stupid, pointless hair :mad:). That'll have to do until I get paid, but I use the Suave for a reason; it works better than others I've tried.

I don't know. What I'll probably do is wait two weeks, do nothing and just keep stewing over it until I hit the boiling point again. Which could be anything; there's a lot going on (and going wrong) that I can't control, and I suspect a little of this is motivated by the fact that my hair is the one thing I could do something about. In theory, anyway; my plans usually backfire on me.

[Horrorpops]

Hey, I am sorry to hear things are so stressful at the moment for you. It sounds like maybe there is other stuff besides your hair getting to you and it's just all building up in a big pile of frustration.

If I am wrong, and it is jut your hair, maybe a cut isn't a bad idea? Or finding some styles that keep it neat and unable to tangle.

But if it's more than just your hair, I really hope you have some time to look after yourself. Get in some chance to maybe do yoga, writing, drawing, dancing or something you enjoy to relax? I hope you are feeling better and things get easier for you. :)

[Firefox7275]

3b hair is tangly its the nature of the beast, its straight hair that is generally easy to run your fingers through not wavy if curly. Many curlies find the less they detangle the less they need to detangle, especially dry detangling.

Are you working with your hair properties (coarseness, porosity, elasticity) and curl pattern when choosing produce, ingredients she techniques? Are you clarifying, chelating and conditioning frequently enough?

If you have seborrhoeic dermatitis avoid oils and butters rich in oleic acid, stearic acid and palmitic acid since these can worsen the condition.

[spidermom]

Shampoo makes good bubble bath and/or shower gel.

Sometimes I agree that long hair is more trouble than its worth. But the rest of the time I love long hair.

Treat your hair to a nice conditioning treatment and give up on the heat idea. Make the most of your curls.

[mrs_coffee]

I think what pushed me over the edge on this was discovering the the two giant bottles of Suave almond shea butter conditioner I bought months ago to stock up while I could aren't conditioner. They're shampoo.

OMG, I did the same thing!!! I was out of conditioner so when I ran to Walmart I saw the almond shea butter stuff that was sitting in the conditioner section WITH THE OTHER BRANDS OF CONDITIONER. I grabbed a bottle, smelled it, liked the scent and bought two bottles. When I went to use it I squeezed it into my hand and it was obviously not conditioner. I looked at the bottle and saw it was actually 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner, which my hair HATES. Ugh. I was so annoyed.

I just cut off my waist-length hair recently and while it is easier to take care of and I'm glad to be rid of the henna, I do miss my length.

[woodswanderer]

Sorry you are so frustrated right now. I went through a time when my hair was downright evil, but I think it was from using protein. Hope you figure out something that makes you happy.

[TheLuckyLurker]

Thanks. I do feel a little better just for writing that out. I'm still not happy, but I don't feel like I'm half a step away from say "to hell with it all" and hacking at it with the first sharp thing I see, either.

[bunnylake]

This is kind of like what happened to me. I had TBL hair and my goal was Classic, but at a certain point I no longer enjoyed my hair. It was never going to look the way I wanted it to without styling, I constantly worried about damage, and I eventually began to feel like my hair was holding me hostage. I chopped it all off and I've never felt better. It's so easy now, not to mention much more voluminous because all that length is no longer pulling at my roots. With no goal length in mind, I am free to do what I want with my hair. Heat styling, being lazy with it, etc. I still take good care of it, but I'm no longer obsessive.

If in two weeks you still want to cut it, do it. We can still love and appreciate long hair even if we don't have it ourselves.

[hattie55]

It is really a big trouble if hair tangled. I have long hair too, but it's wavy and I love it very much. It is smooth. I comb it only when I wash my hair.

[Horrorpops]

Thanks. I do feel a little better just for writing that out. I'm still not happy, but I don't feel like I'm half a step away from say "to hell with it all" and hacking at it with the first sharp thing I see, either.

Ahh, that's good to hear! Sometimes it's just nice to vent. :)

[truepeacenik]

Go hang on the curlies and wurlies thread and see what those folks say.

They know their stuff.

[winship2]

My hair is tangly and splitty if I use even a speck of protein! Do consider cutting out protein completely and going only with moisture. I like the Giovanni Deep Moisture products. I apply a little olive oil when wet. I cannot tolerate shea butter or coconut oil. Just a thought before you decide to cut :)

[0xalis]

Hair grows back :) And I know this is a funny thing to say on a hair website, but hair is just hair and if it's getting in the way of your life then maybe you truly are better off without it.

[ErinLeigh]

Perhaps do a journal for a month or so. Write your daily feeling about hair. What you love, like and what you wish you could change that is reasonable for your hair type. Seeing it written out daily may help you decide.
Hair is very important so people. I know my hair greatly effects my mood. I wish it didn't but it just does.
I have actually had to give up the idea of a hair length goal. It felt limiting. I want to enjoy hair every day..not just when it gets to a certain place. Letting go of that goal gave me the freedom to appreciate what I have now, yet still gives me things to look forward too. I also don't feel trapped. Now I know its ok no matter what.

If it were me and I had to wear it up daily and I was unhappy about it I would start with a trim. You may love the fresh ends and be eager to grow back the inches cut and restart the journey. Or you may find it was freeing to cut a little and go for more. Either way at least you will know how you feel.
I know its a big choice and I respect the gravity of it because you have invested 4 years into this. That's a long time and I imagine its hard to let go of that. I say go slow and give yourself a time to make a decision.

I am glad you felt you had a safe place to rant this out. I always feel so much better when thoughts are out of my head and listed out. I usually even find after I say it I start to feel a little differently afterwards. Getting it out is so cleansing it takes some of the angst away and you feel more calm afterwards, more able to get a fresh perspective.
How do you feel now that its out of your head?

I wish you great happiness with hair. I want you to enjoy hair as you should, Not feel imprisioned by cinnabuns.
Are there other solutions you haven't considered?
Maybe some light layers to work with the curls? Clarifying the cones out and deep conditioning a few times before putting them back in?

One small thing may help just for not feeling frustrated is taking the shampoo back. Exchange it. Stores will exchange without receipt if you exain and merely ask to get the matching conditioner instead of the mistaken shampoo. Maybe just getting that reminder out of the house will help you smile. It will be your secret triumph over the battle of the hair for a day :)

[Wosie]

I recognise my own feelings and thoughts in the OP you wrote, TLL. If one puts a lot of time and effort (four years in your case) into something, then it hurts when it doesn't go as planned. I also have lots of problems irl, and I'm pretty sure my obsession about having beautiful hair stems from the fact that it's the only thing on me I can change to some extent.

I like the posts that Firefox and ErinLeigh wrote. They gave me something to think about, food for thought, and I hope they'll help you too. Have you thought about just cutting off a wee bit of hair, to see if it'd make a difference? Is it mainly the ends that are tangly, or is the majority of your hair hard to tame?

[bunzfan]

I think most of us at some point or other have felt like that I know I have normally for me there is normally something else going on that is frustrating me I think it may be the same as you.. See if you can do something to make you feel better about whatever is frustrating or upsetting you or as others have said do something relaxing that takes you mind off it for me knitting relaxes me.

[browneyedsusan]

I'm sorry you're feeling so blue!
It does sound like there are other things bothering you besides your hair. Believe me, when it's 1" long, it can still get on your nerves, but for different reasons. --It's sticking straight up. It's only been a month and half of my hair is roots! My neck is cold. I have only one "style". Hair toys are not an option....

FWIW: I have about 5 bottles of shampoo under the sink, from multiple attempts to purchase conditioner, and grabbing shampoo instead. After I brought the 4th bottle home, I about threw it through my window and the next 3 houses windows! :justy: You can use it any time you need soap: body wash, car wash, scrub patio furniture, or toilet bowl cleaner. (I have enough shampoo to last until I'm dead. Just saying.)
Take 10 deep breaths, count backwards from 100, and put your hair up for 2 solid weeks. Don't look at it. Just detangle, put it up and forget about it. Wear some pretty earrings or makeup. Feel better! :flowers:
After a couple of weeks, re-evaluate. :)

[TheLuckyLurker]

I do feel a bit better today.

I haven't spent much time in the curly threads because even though my natural texture is 3b, I never wear it that way. I damp braid it after every wash, so on the extremely rare occasions when it is down, it's in braid waves.

About protein, I already learned years ago that my hair does not like it. At all. Makes it hard to find conditioners sometimes. It also doesn't like humectants, so when I do an SMT I swap the honey for olive oil.

I do regular s&d's; I'm working on getting back into the habit of doing it once a week.

The tangling isn't just the ends; it's the whole shebang. I figured it's probably a texture thing, because the only time my hair didn't do that was when I was flat ironing all the time. I can't do that anymore, so...

Thank you for all the kind words and advice.

[lapushka]

I can detangle it completely, stay sitting at the chair for two minutes without moving, and if I try run my fingers through it it's full of tangles again! So unless I straighten it, which would fry it in no time flat, I have to wear it up all the time. And even there, since I have to protect ends that seem to split just out of spite, I need updo's that I can securely tuck the ends under. Which for me amounts to cinnabuns and braided buns. The cinnabuns are easier. I don't need all this length for a cinnabun. And if I cut it that short, the washing and drying won't be so ridiculous. I could use the hot air brush or even the flat iron again whenever I felt like it. But that would be four years of effort wasted.

Do you use cones or not. Because if you don't, starting to use them might help with detangling. The Herbal Essences Hello Hydration conditioner is a keeper in that regard!

I have seborrheic dermatitis, so I know what scalp issues can do. These types of shampoo are quite drying and you need to condition well after that. Maybe try WCC (conditioning twice after washing). It's a method that helps quite a few people.

Good luck, and I hope something works.

BTW, if you are thinking of cutting a huge chunk off. Try trimming an inch or a few inches back first, see how you feel. Often that helps *hugely*.

[TheLuckyLurker]

I do use cones; I think that's why I don't like the results I just got with the Aussie Moist I used, it doesn't have enough! Maybe; I saw something with -cone in the ingredients, but towards the bottom of the list. I don't know; I guess when I go to buy my beloved Almond Shea Butter conditioner I could look at Hello Hydration. If it has any protein in it I'll have to pass; I think that's why Long Term Relationship didn't work for me.

When I CWC, I get out of the shower and let the conditioner sit in my hair under a plastic cap for 30 min. before rinsing, so I don't know if WCC would be more effective. Although it might be less time-consuming... I guess I could try it next time I wash.

I did an s&d today, followed by a light oiling. It'll be at least two weeks before I do anything more drastic than that.

[browneyedsusan]

*snip* I did an s&d today, followed by a light oiling. It'll be at least two weeks before I do anything more drastic than that.

Atta-girl. Wait a couple of weeks. Try to forget about it until then. Maybe when you revisit it, you'll see it in a new light. :)

[Lostsoule77]

I haven't spent much time in the curly threads because even though my natural texture is 3b, I never wear it that way. I damp braid it after every wash, so on the extremely rare occasions when it is down, it's in braid waves.


I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and are aware that it's not just your hair causing all your frustration. Just a suggestion. Even if you don't wear your hair curly the tips and trips for taking care of your hair are going to be what you need from these threads. Do you follow the curly girl methods for washing or drying? You may find an easier and/or quicker way and get better results. Whatever you end up deciding, always wait two weeks before following through and smaller trims are probably the way to go, at least at first. I always prefer growing to cutting, but that's me. In the end you need to do what makes you happy. :D

Also just bring the shampoo to someplace like Walmart. They accept returns without the receipt. And most places will do an exchange without one. So you don't have to be stuck with them or waste your money. ;)

[mindwiped]

Another thought on what to do with the shampoo, donate it. Battered women's shelters are always in need of hygiene items, and they'd gladly use whatever you can't.

[organicmoon]

my hair was um almost elbow length last summer when I cut 14 inches off. regretted it but what can you do right since then I have taken my hair care a little more seriously. I don't blow dry unless I have no choice like going out in 10 degree weather. I have been using shampoo bars and acv rinses for 3 years now and love it. I oil treatment 1-2 a month with olive, coconut or shea butter. the acv rinses have helped with the former rats nests that were happening to my hair. my hair is no longer fine and dry/brittle but fuller, thicker, faster growing and shinier. it takes patience now I am trying to grow it long again. I do not use commercial products anymore and been extremely happy. but it did take several years of abuse to get on the right track. I also only comb hair when wet and use a boar bristle brush when its dry. Maybe really long hair just wont work for you with your regimen now but if you want it then there are ways to make it happen. there is a lot of good advice on here about things to try but my first tip is ease off whatever shampoo/condish your using and trying something less harsh your hair may adjust making the growing out process much easier. I love CHagrin Valley shampoo bars and swear by them. there is lots of threads on here about their products. usually an adjustment period but its so worth it. I now use acv or citric acid to rinse my hair instead of conditioner. before never could I skip conditioner. maybe you have lots of damage on the ends from previous years? might pay to chop off a few inches and start a new routine.

[YamaMaya]

Try perusing some naturally curly forums and websites to find some tips on how to care for your curls. As for your scalp, you can just use the shampoo that works for you on just your scalp and CO the rest of your hair. Also if it's tangly a good clarify/chelate session might do you some good, along with some s&d to get rid of any snaggly bits of damage.

[TheLuckyLurker]

Okay, I had a couple weeks to think it over, and I'm not going to cut. I'm still not exactly happy with it, but I'm not upset enough to grab the scissors, either.

I think A lot of my upset stemmed from other things, and I zeroed in on my hair because that was the only thing I could do something about without needing permission or cooperation from anyone else.