Hair Fears and Paranoia

[molljo]

So, for the past 12 years I've kept my hair at shoulder and shorter (including several pixies) because as an adolescent, my hair was basically a sad, sad mess. I went for about four years (6th grade to the middle of sophomore year) without getting my hair cut at all, where I reached about bsl, which, now that I know better, isn't very long at all for the amount of time it was growing. I was a tomboy, so I never really did anything to it, no heat styling except the odd blowdry, no dyes, but I had so much mechanical damage from harsh sulphate shampoos, ripping brushes through wet hair, that I would have so many splits one strand could look like a tree branch, with five or six splits apiece. My hair in the back is quite coarse, which from what I understand from reading here should hold up well, but those were the hairs where all the splits were!

So now that I'm really trying to grow it out to the length I had when my hair was at its absolute worst, I keep having these anxiety-induced nightmares about all those splits and damage, and it's really discouraging me to the point where it feels like a lost cause to grow it out at all. It's like I'm afraid the length=damage, instead of not taking care of it. I know it's silly, but has anyone ever dealt with something like this? Or, to make it more inclusive, has anyone had any hair-related nightmares?

[Misschilly]

Yes, I've had nightmares about someone chopping of my hair!

[vanillabones]

I've had dreams I had short hair again like I used to, but it was a good dream so I don't consider it a nightmare. I've had maybe 2 dreams that my hair was quite a bit longer than it is. I did recently have one nightmare though that I chose to cut all my hair off yet was still reluctant about it and didn't want to but it got chopped off anyway and I woke up so upset thinking it was real. I appreciate my hair more after than and don't plan to ever go shorter again in my life.. never shorter than it currently is... always growing!

[MeganE]

OP, I think that your fears will go away when you grow it out and see that completely different treatment yields completely different hair. If you treat it well, I think you'll find that you will be happy with the results. There's many many different kinds of treatments to improve the condition of your hair, and the more you understand hair in general, especially your own, the better you'll be able to treat it, give it what it wants, make it happy, and let it shine.

I have some random fears and paranoia about my hair too, I don't worry so much about the condition of it anymore, but I worry about how to protect what I have now that it's almost as long as I want it.

There was a thread that talked about the idiotic concern that if you leave your hair wet, mold will grow in it. It was discussed in the context of how ridiculous that would be, and I know it is but the discussion alone gave me this mental image of a huge nest of bluish mold spores living somehow unnoticed underneath my canopy. I've had nightmares about it a couple times since then. I'd say that counts as a paranoia, for sure, since it's clearly completely illogical.

I also work in a hospital and I literally wash my hair with shampoo and vinegar every single time I get home from a shift because I'm so afraid of getting hospital bugs on my pillow. (Even though I never wear my hair down at work.) There's probably MRSA on my pillow from eighteen other methods of contamination, and the wash probably doesn't really prevent the spread from hair to pillow 100% perfectly, but I just can't lay a dry head of possibly MRSA contaminated hair on my little pillow at night without trying to get it out. Good thing my hair appears to like frequent washes!!

Best of luck in growing to you.

[Mizumi]

Tonight I had a nightmare that somebody was chasing me with a pair off scissors and I was running and screaming, lol

[chen bao jun]

Yeah, when I first joined I KNEW that whatever I did, my hair wouldn't get past shoulder blades and was always worrying about that. But not its past there in just 18 months.
So now I worry it won't get to waist...
Worrying is a personality type, I think, but I try to keep it in control and go after what I want anyway.

[molljo]

Thanks for your responses! I know I'm being silly about this, but long, healthy hair to me is so tied to femininity and "prettiness", things I've really struggled with in my life and my self-image. I've had edgy and cool hair, but never pretty hair, and taking this leap of committing to achieving my goal is bringing up a lot of insecurity and anxiety I thought I'd left behind years ago.

[Nightshade]

I have it stuck in my head that one of my aunt's hellbeast children will cut my hair when I'm visiting. I have nothing to back this, but I feel better with my hair up around them :P

[Auburndreaming]

The main thing really is that you've identified that you are worrying about your hair and at least that way you can work from it and improve your thoughts and feeling on it all :)
I've had bad dreams about hair also, my most recent one being that I somehow got black dye all over my 1 inch of re growth haha, felt rather relieved when I woke up though, that is, after the panic had worn off! :D

[Ashflower89]

I've had a couple hair nightmares about it getting chopped into a pixie again. They are scary, but when I wake up and see my real length, I appreciate it SO much more. I've cut and grown out 3 pixies since the summer of '09, and it just feels like I've been stuck in the awkward stages for those entire past 4 years with no break. It hasn't had a chance to get much further than shoulder. So now that I'm cracking down on hair care and growing as much as I can, I'm super excited to make it past shoulder later this year!

[lunalocks]

Yes, nightmares about finding it all cut off, falling out, having it to my knees and then gone.

My childhood sounds pretty much like yours. Add to that a mother who instilled in me that straight hair is bad and did those home perms every summer (outside so it wouldn't stink up the house) and pin curls every night. I had my first salon cut (she talked me into having my almost waist length hair cut to above shoulders so it would be easier to take care of. Right.) My next salon cut was when I was 22. In all those years trims were made with the family shears that cut everything from gift wrap to string to wire. Great for hair, no?

So then I permed it for a almost a decade. Had to have those curls. Then I cut it all off to my ears for a brand new start. But I was certain I couldn't grow it long and healthy, so I settled for a bob for another 5 years. Then came the baby years and having my hair not get longer than BSL. For years. Mostly due to being talked into trimming a lot every 2 months by my hairdresser to keep it looking good. Then I had a life threatening illness, was in the hospital a long time, and came out of it with really crappy hair. A lot of it broken. A lot of it falling out. That was 10 years ago. Then I found my hair guru.

My hair guru had long hair herself and used organic products. She would not blow dry hair but settled me under a hood with warmish not hot air or allowed me to air dry. She told me how to S and D and she snipped of only 1/4 inch each trim because that's all it needed.

So now I am 1 inch shy of BCL. I have never had hair this long before. I still have a ways to go because I keep discovering things I do that do damage without me knowing it (like vigorous exercise in a ponytail where I repeatedly retightened the scrunchie and it broke a lot of hairs) and discovering what works for me (no cones, pre wash conditioner and after wash catnip tea rinse and leave in) and what does not (cones, coconut oil).

SO, you, too can overcome your past conceptions about how long you can grow. It can be done! Good luck.

[woodswanderer]

I have a weird paranoia that someone will cut off my hair at the movie theater if I let it fall behind the seat back. I always pull it around to the front.

[chen bao jun]

I think pulling your hair around to the front in a movie theatre and other really public places like that is not paranoia, it's a wise precaution.

[MeganE]

Seriously! People can be jerks to strangers, and I can think of a few people who would have thought that was hilarious when they were teenagers. I try to keep it away from the public as much as possible, for that reason too.

[QMacrocarpa]

For years I thought my hair just wouldn't grow longer than around BSL, but it turns out I was wrong. It's just that if I leave my hair down all the time it gets very splitty and reaches a false terminal length where it breaks off as fast as it grows. For me, growing waist-long hair (even with my split- and breakage-prone hair) hasn't taken any heroic measures. Basically, it's just a matter of wearing it up most of the time in hair-friendly ways (and in an unsecured braid for sleeping), a little cheap olive oil on the ends now and then, fairly gentle handling, and tiny self-trims a couple times per year.

The thing that actually gave me hope that I might be able to grow my hair longer than I had managed in the past was a few months of frequently putting my hair (a growing-out bob at the time) up in a big octopus clip. It kept my ends in such great shape that I began to feel optimistic.:D

[Bombadillo]

I thought having a nightmare about getting a drastic hair cut was just a exaggeration…until I had one! My heart goes out to all of you who've had this experience.