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mariakatija
January 11th, 2014, 10:16 AM
So my 80 year old grandfather just told me that my sister's hair is better than mine. Now I agree that my sister has beautiful hair, but can one person's hair really be better than another's? I'm pretty upset over his comment. I don't have thick skin. I can try to brush off the comment saying that it's only his opinion, which it is, but it still hurts. How do you guys deal with people comparing your hair to others'?

Johannah
January 11th, 2014, 10:26 AM
I can understand your reaction. I don't think you can compare everyone's hair with one another. It's something personal. Personally, I think all natural hair is beautiful.

You got lovely hair by the way. I've seen a picture in another thread :p

mariakatija
January 11th, 2014, 10:29 AM
I love all kinds of natural hair, too. And thank you :)

swearnsue
January 11th, 2014, 10:33 AM
Why would your grandfather even say such a thing I wonder? Try to ignore the comment and try not to let what he said interfere with your relationship with your sister.

Verdandi
January 11th, 2014, 10:41 AM
That happend a lot to me as a child, my younger sister had long, wavy blonde hair and mine was plain brown and straight. I also had a classmate once in middle school who told me boys don't like girls like me with long hair but prefered short hairs like hers (this was just a few weeks after she'd cut hers to SL, looking back she probably said that because she regretted her own cut :p ).

I try to find the reason to WHY they would say that, and if I don't find it, I try to shake it off. There will probably always be people with better hair (what is "better hair" anyway? Does it have to do with length? Color? Thickness? Texture? Condition?) than me, but as long as I'm happy with my hair I figure no ones comments should take that happiness away from me. Especially not when it's just their personal opinion.

Enjoy your own hair and try to shake that strange comment off!. You got lovely hair!

sarahthegemini
January 11th, 2014, 10:47 AM
I really don't understand why your Grandfather would make such a blatantly rude statement, ugh. That would upset me too.

Firefox7275
January 11th, 2014, 11:17 AM
Beauty really IS in the eye of the beholder. I've seen people elsewhere say all kinds of deeply unpleasant/ offensive things about ultra long hair, yet here we admire and covet it. My mother dislikes my bright berry pink hair yet on the street it elicits many compliments. Natural waves and curls are another divisive issue, especially amongst those of African heritage.

chen bao jun
January 11th, 2014, 12:38 PM
Yeah, my family was always comparing too, not just with sisters but with cousins (and I've 50 or more first cousins).
I don't know why people do this, it's very hurtful and usually not truth. I've seen pairs of sisters with one being called 'the pretty one' who looked just exactly like the other one so many times that it's absolutely crazy.

Llama
January 11th, 2014, 12:44 PM
As long as you like and accept your hair, rude comments like that won't phase you. Silly to compare anyways.

vanillabones
January 11th, 2014, 12:53 PM
If someone has something to say about my hair it is either a statement or something hurtful about the texture and hair type so I am used to these kinds of comments. I'm sensitive too but you just have to not care because it is your hair and learn to love the hair you have. Knowing this makes me truly not give a damn what anyone says about my hair - it's mine and I won't change it or give up.

LauraLongLocks
January 11th, 2014, 12:58 PM
It was very mean and hurtful for your grandfather to say that. It seems to hurt the most when people that you want acceptance and approval and unconditional love from give you criticism, about anything. My uncle always said to my cousin that she had "them hips" from her mom's side of the family, like she could do anything about the genetic size of her hips! The woman wasn't fat. Finally at a family gathering, he hadn't seen her in years, and he said, "I see you still have 'them hips.'" She went into the bathroom and cried. He finally apologized, but what an idiot for being so mean! As if he had room to talk! He had (and still has) a big pot belly. Anyway, some people need to learn manners. I'm the sort of person that wouldn't put up with being treated that way at all, and so if my grandfather said something like that to me, I would reply, "At least my manners are better than yours," with a big smile on my face. Seriously, he was being very rude by saying that to you. I would never put up with that kind of treatment.

DelynofRhondda
January 11th, 2014, 01:54 PM
<---------- Peek over there at my age. Yes, I still feel shamed and degraded when family makes unkind remarks or comments.

Speak up for yourself?!? Pishaw! That gives them more right in their own eyes to comment further. "I was only joking." "Lighten up, it was in fun." "Do you have to be so sensitive?" "You're too serious." "My what a drama queen you are." Always another dig. Always another tweak.

An arched brow. A direct stare. Stony silence. Combined. Ofttimes that is the only recourse...and the least expected response.

Cheers to all tender hearted people wherever we may be! Now, go practice the soundless scathing comeback. It's liberating, too. No need to formulate witty retorts or ruminate on pithy one-liner coulda/woulda/shoulda-s.

Oh, I'll always be "short & squatty all a-double s no body." Maybe "nothing but eyes, teeth, and hair."

:grouphug:

mariakatija
January 11th, 2014, 08:56 PM
Why would your grandfather even say such a thing I wonder? Try to ignore the comment and try not to let what he said interfere with your relationship with your sister.

He's not the nicest person apparently. My sister and I get along well :)


That happend a lot to me as a child, my younger sister had long, wavy blonde hair and mine was plain brown and straight. I also had a classmate once in middle school who told me boys don't like girls like me with long hair but prefered short hairs like hers (this was just a few weeks after she'd cut hers to SL, looking back she probably said that because she regretted her own cut :p ).

I try to find the reason to WHY they would say that, and if I don't find it, I try to shake it off. There will probably always be people with better hair (what is "better hair" anyway? Does it have to do with length? Color? Thickness? Texture? Condition?) than me, but as long as I'm happy with my hair I figure no ones comments should take that happiness away from me. Especially not when it's just their personal opinion.

Enjoy your own hair and try to shake that strange comment off!. You got lovely hair!

Thank you :)


I really don't understand why your Grandfather would make such a blatantly rude statement, ugh. That would upset me too.

Me neither :(


Beauty really IS in the eye of the beholder. I've seen people elsewhere say all kinds of deeply unpleasant/ offensive things about ultra long hair, yet here we admire and covet it. My mother dislikes my bright berry pink hair yet on the street it elicits many compliments. Natural waves and curls are another divisive issue, especially amongst those of African heritage.

Your hair sounds awesome!


Yeah, my family was always comparing too, not just with sisters but with cousins (and I've 50 or more first cousins).
I don't know why people do this, it's very hurtful and usually not truth. I've seen pairs of sisters with one being called 'the pretty one' who looked just exactly like the other one so many times that it's absolutely crazy.

I understand the thing about cousins as well. My family also says that my sister sings better than me. It's like they want to hurt me because they know I love singing :(


As long as you like and accept your hair, rude comments like that won't phase you. Silly to compare anyways.

It's hard for me when it's coming from someone I'm close to. I do think it's silly to compare as well.


If someone has something to say about my hair it is either a statement or something hurtful about the texture and hair type so I am used to these kinds of comments. I'm sensitive too but you just have to not care because it is your hair and learn to love the hair you have. Knowing this makes me truly not give a damn what anyone says about my hair - it's mine and I won't change it or give up.

I hope to one day be like you :)

mariakatija
January 11th, 2014, 09:01 PM
It was very mean and hurtful for your grandfather to say that. It seems to hurt the most when people that you want acceptance and approval and unconditional love from give you criticism, about anything. My uncle always said to my cousin that she had "them hips" from her mom's side of the family, like she could do anything about the genetic size of her hips! The woman wasn't fat. Finally at a family gathering, he hadn't seen her in years, and he said, "I see you still have 'them hips.'" She went into the bathroom and cried. He finally apologized, but what an idiot for being so mean! As if he had room to talk! He had (and still has) a big pot belly. Anyway, some people need to learn manners. I'm the sort of person that wouldn't put up with being treated that way at all, and so if my grandfather said something like that to me, I would reply, "At least my manners are better than yours," with a big smile on my face. Seriously, he was being very rude by saying that to you. I would never put up with that kind of treatment.

I'm sorry about the situation between your uncle and cousin. I could try arguing or asking him why would he say something like that but he's the type of person that he always has to be right. I rather not waste my time or energy.


<---------- Peek over there at my age. Yes, I still feel shamed and degraded when family makes unkind remarks or comments.

Speak up for yourself?!? Pishaw! That gives them more right in their own eyes to comment further. "I was only joking." "Lighten up, it was in fun." "Do you have to be so sensitive?" "You're too serious." "My what a drama queen you are." Always another dig. Always another tweak.

An arched brow. A direct stare. Stony silence. Combined. Ofttimes that is the only recourse...and the least expected response.

Cheers to all tender hearted people wherever we may be! Now, go practice the soundless scathing comeback. It's liberating, too. No need to formulate witty retorts or ruminate on pithy one-liner coulda/woulda/shoulda-s.

Oh, I'll always be "short & squatty all a-double s no body." Maybe "nothing but eyes, teeth, and hair."

:grouphug:

I hate those responses we get when we try to speak up for ourselves. But it's nice to see them become angry when they realize that your argument makes logical sense and theirs doesn't.

spidermom
January 11th, 2014, 09:39 PM
I agree - too rude. Some people are that way, though. At my BIL's wedding, DH and I were standing beside one of DH's uncles, and the uncle told DH "your brother sure has better taste in women than you do." OMG; I was standing right there! I felt hurt feelings bubbling up, then told myself that I didn't care what that fat old pedophile had to say (he had molested DH in the distant past). Also the new SIL looked very beautiful on her wedding day; she deserved the center of attention.

hairpleasegrow
January 11th, 2014, 10:41 PM
When I have a bad hair day or compare my hair against someone else's (who clearly has better hair than mine) I find it helps to be grateful for whatever hair you have been blessed with and be thankful you have hair, some people don't have hair sometimes because of genetics or illness. Also what other people think of me or my hair is non of my business and out of my control.

Arwenlily
January 11th, 2014, 10:49 PM
I used to be really insecure about my hair, especially when I was younger. My hair was very curly but also very frizzy because I was using all of the wrong methods for my hair such as shampooing with a sulfate shampoo, brushing, and blow drying my hair. I also had no idea how to style it, so I would always cut it relatively short and straighten it. How awful .... Well finally I have learned to embrace my hair, my curls, and actually love my hair and care for it properly. As I started to love my own hair, I began to notice how beautiful natural hair is. I love how everyone has a different texture and some are straight, wavy, curly, or a combination. I love the different lengths and hair colors .... thickness and fineness. All types of hair are beautiful once you begin to notice.

HaileComfort
January 11th, 2014, 11:00 PM
Speak up for yourself?!? Pishaw! That gives them more right in their own eyes to comment further. "I was only joking." "Lighten up, it was in fun." "Do you have to be so sensitive?" "You're too serious." "My what a drama queen you are." Always another dig. Always another tweak.

An arched brow. A direct stare. Stony silence. Combined. Ofttimes that is the only recourse...and the least expected the soundless scathing comeback. It's liberating, too.:

THAT is some great advice.

spirals
January 11th, 2014, 11:58 PM
spidermom, your response at that wedding was the epitome of class. What a strong character you have!

pixldust
January 12th, 2014, 02:12 AM
I think when a family member makes a hurtful comment towards you they either expect you to laugh it off or not say anything at all. I don't think they even put their brains in gear and consider how they would feel if they had a similar comment directed at them. Older family in particular sometimes seem to think they have a right to make these comments and not be challenged. My mum is terrible for doing this. She used to make comments about the top of my legs and my hips, an area I'm sensitive about because I'm pear-shaped. The last time she did it I got so angry I said that no wonder I'm insecure about the way I look when she says things like that. Obviously she didn't realise it bothered me because she seemed flustered and started backtracking and apologising.
Bottom line is, your grandad making those kind of comments is not acceptable. Maybe saying, calmly and politely, that though he may think saying stuff like that is a bit of a joke, to you it is actually quite hurtful and you'd appreciate it if he tried not to do it in future. Hopefully if he sees that he's upsetting you it might shame him into shutting up.

gnome82
January 12th, 2014, 03:23 AM
I am sorry that this has happened to you. :blossom: I would have hurt feelings too. In the past when this has happened to me from a family member, I have not been able to have a comeback as I was stunned. Hopefully in the future if it happens again, I will respond by saying how I feel.

mariakatija
January 12th, 2014, 07:40 AM
I agree - too rude. Some people are that way, though. At my BIL's wedding, DH and I were standing beside one of DH's uncles, and the uncle told DH "your brother sure has better taste in women than you do." OMG; I was standing right there! I felt hurt feelings bubbling up, then told myself that I didn't care what that fat old pedophile had to say (he had molested DH in the distant past). Also the new SIL looked very beautiful on her wedding day; she deserved the center of attention.

That is so rude and disgusting! I'm sorry that happened to you. Just because one person doesn't find you attractive, doesn't mean that you aren't. Everyone is! For every adult in the world, at least one person finds them attractive. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And if you find yourself attractive, you are!


When I have a bad hair day or compare my hair against someone else's (who clearly has better hair than mine) I find it helps to be grateful for whatever hair you have been blessed with and be thankful you have hair, some people don't have hair sometimes because of genetics or illness. Also what other people think of me or my hair is non of my business and out of my control.

I think all natural hair is equally beautiful as long as it is taken care of properly. Don't compare you hair! Yours is just as lovely. My mother, and sister too, have thinning hair because of genetics. I still think they have beautiful hair regardless! Keeping my fingers crossed, since I'm still quite young, that I have inherited my dad's full head of hair. Yeah, it is true that what others think of you is not our problem but their problem.


I used to be really insecure about my hair, especially when I was younger. My hair was very curly but also very frizzy because I was using all of the wrong methods for my hair such as shampooing with a sulfate shampoo, brushing, and blow drying my hair. I also had no idea how to style it, so I would always cut it relatively short and straighten it. How awful .... Well finally I have learned to embrace my hair, my curls, and actually love my hair and care for it properly. As I started to love my own hair, I began to notice how beautiful natural hair is. I love how everyone has a different texture and some are straight, wavy, curly, or a combination. I love the different lengths and hair colors .... thickness and fineness. All types of hair are beautiful once you begin to notice.

I'm glad you started embracing your curls! I agree that all types of hair are beautiful. I love all the diversity! It keeps things interesting.


I think when a family member makes a hurtful comment towards you they either expect you to laugh it off or not say anything at all. I don't think they even put their brains in gear and consider how they would feel if they had a similar comment directed at them. Older family in particular sometimes seem to think they have a right to make these comments and not be challenged. My mum is terrible for doing this. She used to make comments about the top of my legs and my hips, an area I'm sensitive about because I'm pear-shaped. The last time she did it I got so angry I said that no wonder I'm insecure about the way I look when she says things like that. Obviously she didn't realise it bothered me because she seemed flustered and started backtracking and apologising.
Bottom line is, your grandad making those kind of comments is not acceptable. Maybe saying, calmly and politely, that though he may think saying stuff like that is a bit of a joke, to you it is actually quite hurtful and you'd appreciate it if he tried not to do it in future. Hopefully if he sees that he's upsetting you it might shame him into shutting up.

I'm sorry about your mother's comments. I also think that all body types are beautiful. I've had an eating disorder in the past and eventually realized that the media is wrong and is just trying to make money off of our insecurity. It's not healthy for people to be skinnier than how they naturally are. Your mother had no right to put down your body. I really should have said something. Oh well. :/


I am sorry that this has happened to you. :blossom: I would have hurt feelings too. In the past when this has happened to me from a family member, I have not been able to have a comeback as I was stunned. Hopefully in the future if it happens again, I will respond by saying how I feel.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you too. :( Next time I should also say how I feel.

frizzinator
January 12th, 2014, 08:02 AM
He doesn't care about hair. He was hoping to get a response from you because you care about hair. When the grandchildren are hanging around, the old folks like to have some fun.

stachelbeere
January 12th, 2014, 08:09 AM
:grouphug: that was very rude of him! How can you even compare two completely different human beings!! don't take it personally. I have a difficult family as well that likes to point out things they dislike about me. Don't let it get to you!

Rio040113
January 12th, 2014, 08:27 AM
Not strictly the same thing but my mother, at the height of my Trich, compared me to ''Phil Mitchell (http://static.whatsontv.co.uk/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/media/Phil%2520Mitchell-Eastenders.jpg)''. :rolleyes:

Rosetta
January 12th, 2014, 08:39 AM
...if my grandfather said something like that to me, I would reply, "At least my manners are better than yours," with a big smile on my face. Seriously, he was being very rude by saying that to you. I would never put up with that kind of treatment.
Maybe it's just me, but replying like that to such an elderly person (80, and one's grandfather at that) is imo showing worse manners than the original comment (though it was inconsiderate)... :bigeyes:

Marika
January 12th, 2014, 09:03 AM
IMHO, respect must be earned.

I''ve always been 'the fat sister' so I know how you're feeling...:flower:

mariakatija
January 12th, 2014, 10:01 AM
He doesn't care about hair. He was hoping to get a response from you because you care about hair. When the grandchildren are hanging around, the old folks like to have some fun.

I wish that was true. But I don't think he meant it that way. He said my sister's hair was "more hard". His English is not very good.


:grouphug: that was very rude of him! How can you even compare two completely different human beings!! don't take it personally. I have a difficult family as well that likes to point out things they dislike about me. Don't let it get to you!

It's so silly to compare, but it still hurt. I like my hair overall though.


Not strictly the same thing but my mother, at the height of my Trich, compared me to ''Phil Mitchell (http://static.whatsontv.co.uk/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/media/Phil%2520Mitchell-Eastenders.jpg)''. :rolleyes:

That's not very nice. I'm sorry about your mother's comment.


IMHO, respect must be earned.

I''ve always been 'the fat sister' so I know how you're feeling...:flower:

I respect all people until they do something that makes them unworthy of it. Once my grandfather told me that I should set the table and not him because he's not a woman. So, I left him to set the table. He may be old but he's in excellent health and has no right to make blatantly sexist comments.

*BrunetteBeauty
January 12th, 2014, 03:12 PM
I sometimes think the elderly are just really blunt or going a little senile. As long as your hair is healthy what does it matter to compare everyone's hair? We're all different and that is unique. I think your hair looks absolutely beautiful btw.

SunlightShines
January 12th, 2014, 04:10 PM
My sister does stuff like that to me all the time. But only if there is an audience! The last time she rudely compared my hair to hers, I snapped! I turned to her and said; OMG...I didn't know there was a competition. Congratulations...what did you win? Then I very loudly snorted, laughed and walked away. I left her standing there with her mouth hanging open, and it felt great! ;)

mariakatija
January 12th, 2014, 05:24 PM
I sometimes think the elderly are just really blunt or going a little senile. As long as your hair is healthy what does it matter to compare everyone's hair? We're all different and that is unique. I think your hair looks absolutely beautiful btw.

The elderly can be characters. Thank you :)


My sister does stuff like that to me all the time. But only if there is an audience! The last time she rudely compared my hair to hers, I snapped! I turned to her and said; OMG...I didn't know there was a competition. Congratulations...what did you win? Then I very loudly snorted, laughed and walked away. I left her standing there with her mouth hanging open, and it felt great! ;)

Haha. You go!

mindwiped
January 14th, 2014, 08:53 AM
My sister does stuff like that to me all the time. But only if there is an audience! The last time she rudely compared my hair to hers, I snapped! I turned to her and said; OMG...I didn't know there was a competition. Congratulations...what did you win? Then I very loudly snorted, laughed and walked away. I left her standing there with her mouth hanging open, and it felt great! ;)

Loved this! Sorry it happened, but thanks for sharing your solution.