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bibijay
December 28th, 2013, 12:36 PM
Disastrous hairdresser colouring job has left my shoulder length hair fried, snapping and generally in an awful state. I have been trying for decades to grow my hair seriously long, and it was just starting to approach mid back, so this is a real setback.
I am seriously tempted to stop colouring and let my highlighted and lowlighted "bronde" hair revert to its natural 100% gray.
I'm a young looking 52, still like to dress up and still get a fair bit of attention for my looks! I know it sounds vain and silly, but Im afraid if I go gray Im going to lose my looks and become old before my time!
What doesn't help is that I tried it before, a few years ago, and got a lot of resistance from daughter who,said I looked 10 years older. Plus I have to be honest, I think I did get some of that "middle aged invisible" feeling that people talk about - which disappeared as soon as I went back to colouring my hair!
i might try and post a couple of pictures - am a newbie so not sure if I can do this?
Anyway - I would so appreciate your advice and opinions please everybody?

bibijay
December 28th, 2013, 01:05 PM
I am trying to post 2 pics of my hair from Flickr, following advice from Greenfire on this forum, so apologies if I do it wrong and it doesn't work!!

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2860/11609427663_7504a85edd.jpg

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5532/11609450073_8a6859fa74.jpg

bibijay
December 28th, 2013, 01:09 PM
It worked!! So - the top photo is me with my hair grown out to gray, a few years back. The bottom photo is when I caved in and started colouring again.
I know it looks better in the lower photo, but in fairness it had been blow dried and waved by hairstylist, whereas the gray pic was just washed and home dried.
I am really fed up of dying it, especially as it is now frazzled to a crisp! What I'd like is to go gray, and let it grow really, really long!
Please share your opinions - should I let it go gray??

durgidog
December 28th, 2013, 01:38 PM
I think the grey color in your hair is lovely, I still see a lot of blonde and I like it the way it is. However, At 45 I cover my greys with henna and I understand why you may not be able to embrace your sparklies right now. There are two natural herbs that you can use to color grey to blonde: catnip or cassia. The color isn't permanent from either so you have to redo but both herbs are great conditioners for your hair, there's lots of info on both in the forum, just do a search. Good luck with whatever you decide!

allycat
December 28th, 2013, 02:04 PM
I agree with durgidog. Cassia could be perfect for you. It gives a nice yellowish cast, and it fades fairly quickly so you could change your mind back and forth whenever you want to, and still grow it long. Maybe do a quick google image search on "cassia on gray hair" to get an idea. Good luck!

bibijay
December 28th, 2013, 02:06 PM
Thank you durgidog! I will look up catnip and cassia now!

melesine
December 28th, 2013, 02:19 PM
I think this is something that you really have to decide for yourself. I've done the same as you, I quit coloring for a year, about 5 years ago and while my gray is a beautiful shiny silver I felt old. I was at least 30% gray then and I'm over 50% now I'd say. I've debated quitting coloring again, but I'm not ready be gray yet. So now I'm down to trying to figure out if I want to continue chemical dyes, go the henna/indigo route or play around with vegetable dye. My daughter says if I let the gray come in I can just use manic panic without having to bleach LOL.

By the way, I have colored my hair continuously since my teens and been everything from blond to black including pink.

durgidog
December 28th, 2013, 02:26 PM
My daughter says if I let the gray come in I can just use manic panic without having to bleach LOL.

That is EXACTLY what I'm looking forward to when I get solid grey coverage, just not looking forward to growing out the henna.

AmyBeth
December 28th, 2013, 02:55 PM
I think if you are serious about "seriously long", chemical dyes might not be compatible with your goal. I really admire those who can embrace their greys and long grey hair usually looks stunning! I am just soo not ready for it. I've tried very hard to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for grey hair, to no avail. I would not be happy with the grey/before picture on myself. I have been serious about growing my hair and turned to hendigo, because I'm a natural brunette, and the condition of my hair has never been better. Cassia provides many of the same benefits as henna, so you should really look into it. It's also not permanent, so you're not stuck with it, if you don't like it.
You actually can have fun with Manic Panic, but it will most certainly not hang around on grey hair. It will fade really fast.

Yozhik
December 28th, 2013, 03:26 PM
I think your natural color is beautiful! :flowers:

If you don't want to go grey, however, why not consider a non-chemical dye (henna, indigo, cassia rinses)? Or is it roots upkeep that bothers you more than damage?
I agree that it's a personal decision - I love other women's grey hair, but I also know that from behind people might judge one to be much older if they have grey hair before they get to look at your youthful face. :shrug:

lapushka
December 28th, 2013, 04:43 PM
I don't think the second picture looks better, it just looks different. I *love* that first picture, it's a gray color to be jealous of. Such a nice shade of gray! Be proud of it rather than hide it!

GRU
December 28th, 2013, 06:03 PM
My temples are FULL ON WHITE/GRAY, big fist-sized areas of white on each side of my face, whereas there isn't much gray in the rest of my hair at all. For this reason, I've been using a mixture of cassia and henna to color my hair for the past few years, and I'm very happy with it. I never colored with dyes because my hair is very porous and dry because of its curly texture, and I knew that using chemicals would only worsen my hair's condition.

My natural color is a strawberry blonde, which is why I add a bit of henna to my cassia -- my goal isn't to color ALL of my hair, but to just bring the white hair closer to my natural color. I love that cassia/henna don't damage my hair at all, and because I'm not drastically changing my main hair color, my roots aren't ugly when they grow back in.

I think you'd be an excellent candidate for cassia coloring. It would be conditioning to your hair, and offer the blonde tones you're looking for. And because it's a translucent color, you don't have to bother with adding in lowlights or highlights -- your natural underlying tones will come through on their own!

Saldana
December 28th, 2013, 06:07 PM
I stopped coloring nearly a year ago, and when I pull my hair back (as I do almost all the time now), it's almost completely white. And yes - people do treat me differently; in fact, today at a store, I was enthusiastically told about the 'Senior Tuesday Discount' day, even though I just turned 53 and am not anywhere near the eligible age - the 20-something clerk simply presumed, based on my hair color. Additionally, the invisibility factor is definitely coming into play, especially by men.

On the plus side - I no longer am pouring either toxic chemicals or messy/fussy 'natural' colors on my head every 3-4 weeks. The hair that I have now is thick, glossy, shiny, and completely virgin. Also, I am not particularly in the market for a romantic partner - and when/if I find someone, I want him or her to find me beautiful exactly as I am...because I *am* beautiful. My white hair is gorgeous and luminous.

It's a very individual decision, though...if you're not ready to embrace the silver, then keep coloring! It's your hair, your life.....and those who love you will support whatever decision you make for yourself. :)

Sterlyn
December 28th, 2013, 06:10 PM
I'm not sure I would ever offer an opinion to someone as to whether they should or shouldn't continue to dye their hair, it is an extremely personal decision. As for feeling older or invisible, less attractive, letting myself go or all the other various reasons I have heard for keeping up the dye, they have turned out to be not an issue for me now. That was not the case when I started the journey 2 years ago at age 46. Family, friends and complete strangers offered opinions on it, some encouraging, some much less than that, but in the end I realized it was my decision alone. I was done with dye after nearly 20 years, no matter what anyone thought or said. And no I did not feel very confident or settled about it for the first year or more. I was only sure that I wasn't dyeing my hair ever again, and whatever grew out of my head was what I was going to live with.

I really do love my color now, and am comfortable with whatever category that might put me in for some people. Stopping the dye is easy, dealing with the 2 tone hair is usually the difficult part. If you've grown it out before, I'm sure you are aware of the challenges. The more contrast between the natural color and the dyed hair, the harder it seems to be for people. Your hair being a softer blonde may blend better as it grows out. There are a lot of women that start the transition and then change their mind and decide they aren't ready yet, all decisions are valid in my book.

Wanting to grow my hair to longer lengths was a big part of my decision, I was using permanent dye and it was destroying the texture of my hair, and I realized it would never be long or remotely in healthy condition until I stopped. I am pleased that my hair is in better shape than it's been since I was in my twenties. When I dyed my hair, it fell out by the fistful, now I don't shed very much at all. So yeah for me it was very much worth it.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and as others have added, there are a lot of options available to help blend the gray that are gentler to hair, if that's what you decide you want.

fritillary
December 28th, 2013, 06:17 PM
I'm with Sterlyn, here. I don't think anyone should tell you what you should or shouldn't do with your hair. It has to come from within you, and for good reasons. Do you have a gut leaning one way or the other? If so, think about that and ask yourself why. It may help to write a list of fears and thoughts, pros and cons, etc. I will say that after over 20 years of dyeing my hair I have decided to stop all together. I'm 35 years old and probably 25-30% of my hair is white, especially at the temples. I'm excited - almost giddy - about letting my silver show. :) Plus, I didn't want to stop dyeing fifteen years down the road and have that hard line of delineation. But either way you decide, make sure it's for YOU and no one else. Good luck!

HintOfMint
December 28th, 2013, 06:37 PM
I think your natural color is very pretty and still has plenty of blonde in it left. However, if your interest is looking attractive according to mainstream standards and enjoying the attention that comes with it (absolutely NOTHING wrong with that, by the way) and your current color has been getting you that, I'd keep coloring and find a way to ease the breakage and damage you've incurred. Coconut oil is supposed to be the gold standard in preventing dye damage, so for touchups, keep that in mind. Protein post-dye is also supposed to be good.

The broader question of whether to go gray (or long, or unlayered, permed, dreaded... etc) and potentially forego positive attention from the largest number of people is a very personal decision. It's even harder when contrary opinions come from people we value (I remember being a teenager trying to help my mom dress more "fashionably." Oy. What was wrong with me???). If you really like your natural color and don't want to deal with the hassle of hairdye and the damage that comes with it, AND you're willing to roll your eyes at the naysayers AND face a possible revisiting of the "middle aged invisible" feeling you've described, then absolutely go natural. It's really rewarding to live your life with a little irreverence. But if you don't want to do that, it's totally okay too.

Caldonia Sun
December 28th, 2013, 07:00 PM
It really is a very personal decision for you alone.

I colored for 15 years and at 45, my scalp went berserk! I had no choice but to stop. I cut off my shoulder length medium brown hair, stripped the color and let it grow out. The transition was disconcerting, to say the least, and it took a while to really feel like myself. Within a few years, I decided to let it grow and now I've come to really like what I have. I also realize there's a good reason why our hair changes color gradually; it's much easier to accept at a slower pace.

I don't feel like my silver makes me look older, but I am sure others see me that way - I will be 60 in a few months. I am much more aware of the prejudices against women as they age and the pressure to always strive to look younger. It's ridiculous and if anything, makes me feel defiant against those attitudes with a nice big F**K YOU!

Ferryl
December 28th, 2013, 07:00 PM
I think your natural hair color is extremely pretty. My husband is in his 30s and is having some white poke out of his dark brown hair and I'm actually super excited about it! But as everyone else has said, only you can decide what you do to your hair. I also agree to ignore all teenagers responses because those ages often have uniquely inaccurate perspectives about the world. Good luck with whatever you decide.

ravenheather
December 28th, 2013, 09:42 PM
I think your hair is pretty its natural color. But also agree that there are hair friendly alternatives that would be great on you if you aren't ready yet.

ladonna
December 28th, 2013, 10:47 PM
I think your grey are a pretty color, I actually thought they were the highlight's until I scrolled down. My hair is going grey, I'm 31 and I'm not going to henna anymore since I don't really care now that the shock has worn off.

ErinLeigh
December 29th, 2013, 12:49 AM
Do you do all over color or root only application? I go pretty light for my naturally very dark brown hair but I get very very little color damage. I only do roots and never even pull the color thru last 5 minutes to "refresh"
I just started adding coconut oil also to prevent some more color damage so I am pretty happy right now coloring.

Whether to go gray or not is up to you. It is really a personal choice. Some love the natural hassle free new look, but others feel aged. I feel I look young for my age so I understand what you mean about feeling older with it. I personally just am not ready for that. Some people do associate gray with age. We may not like to hear it but it is true.

All that being said I think you would look good with either. Your gray hair looks great in the pictures. I really like it. It has an interesting depth in the natural look photo. Kinda looks like natural highlights to me. :) If my hair color was like your naturally I would be a happy camper

bibijay
December 29th, 2013, 02:31 AM
What fantastic responses! Thank you everybody, I feel really supported - just wish I had found this forum the last time I tried to go gray!
I have decided to wait to decide! It's only a month since my last colouring and what with the damage (which was a one off by the way, hairdresser left colour on too long), there seems to be virtually no re growth as yet, well, maybe less than a centimetre.
I think I can go 3 months before it becomes too obvious (my hair grows quite slow), and am thinking if I decide to delay a bit longer I could use one of those hair mascaras on the roots?
But - overall - my leaning is to go gray, and grow it really long! And treat myself to gorgeous natural hair goodies!
Thanks again everyone, your comments are so nice!
I would love to see more photos of gorgeous long grays, so please put up a pic if that's you!? Thank you!

Andeee
December 29th, 2013, 02:32 AM
I'm going to be 50 in March and am at a similar place as you. My hair has been dyed a dark brown (close to my natural pre-grey color), so when I do decide to stop the line of demarcation will be huge and I don't want to cut the length! Has anyone else just gone with it rather than cut it?

While my hair stylist swears the dye she uses is much much less damaging than anything bought at a drugstore, etc, I still know it's not the greatest thing for my hair. I have stopped letting her pull the color through the length. We only do the roots now.

I have heard about the coconut oil thing and may try that next time, but at some point I do think the dyeing will have to stop. I have always looked young for my age, but I know as soon as I let all those white hairs show people will no longer look surprised when I tell them my age. I'm married so random male attention isn't important, and for some reason that seems to have stopped ages ago anyway :confused: not sure why as I think I'm pretty :o

I am at a crossroads!

Andeee
December 29th, 2013, 04:32 AM
ErinLeigh, what is your method for using coconut oil before coloring? I'm due for my next color in a couple weeks (I go to a salon) and would like to try it this time.

spidermom
December 29th, 2013, 09:10 AM
I know we have at least one member who quit dyeing her hair "cold turkey" and put up with the line of demarcation for a year or so. After that, her hair looked fairly natural because the dyed color was fading as her natural gray and brown color grew in. She's not active with LHC now.

I never used permanent color and just let the silver/white come into my golden blonde naturally.
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/snailbraid.jpg (http://s25.photobucket.com/user/spidermom/media/snailbraid.jpg.html)

Then I got temporary copper color put in for my daughter's wedding.
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/2181e47a-8260-4ab1-9dbb-d0bcbf388b75_zps8ba6afe6.jpg (http://s25.photobucket.com/user/spidermom/media/2181e47a-8260-4ab1-9dbb-d0bcbf388b75_zps8ba6afe6.jpg.html)
It did make me look and thus feel younger.

It turned out to be not-so-temporary because my hair is porous. So I'm growing out my silvery color again (5 months into it), but it looks fairly natural since the coppery color has faded as my natural color has grown in. I can see the line best when my hair needs to be washed, so I'm washing my hair a bit more often than I would have washed my natural color. Oh well.

swearnsue
December 29th, 2013, 09:31 AM
I think your natural color is very pretty. Don't dye your hair for anyone else, even your daughter, unless it's what YOU want to do.

Firefox7275
December 29th, 2013, 09:42 AM
Oo
Do you do all over color or root only application? I go pretty light for my naturally very dark brown hair but I get very very little color damage. I only do roots and never even pull the color thru last 5 minutes to "refresh"
I just started adding coconut oil also to prevent some more color damage so I am pretty happy right now coloring

I do much the same, roots only and my hair is way less damaged and porous (other hair habits have also changed) than when I 'refreshed'. I don't dye over coconut oil but instead do one or two long treatments on dry hair the week before, then add a tablespoon of oil to the box dye bottle.



Proven beneficial ingredients for aftercare of dye damaged hair include coconut oil, hydrolysed protein, ceramides, 18-MEA and panthenol.

Andeee
December 29th, 2013, 09:45 AM
Spidermom your hair looks great both grey and colored! My color probably won't fade as it's very dark brown and permanent, and the grey (white?!) coming in will be about as huge a contrast as you can possible get! However, I do think that when I decide to stop coloring I will just have two-toned hair and maybe make a feature of it somehow--I just won't want to lose the length.

Sterlyn
December 29th, 2013, 11:06 AM
There is a salt and pepper thread http://http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=16951 (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=16951) with quite a few pics in it, although I don't know if you have enough posts to see some of them yet. The thread has been around a while, but worth checking out for inspiration, there are some stunning long silver haired members here.

Sillage
December 29th, 2013, 12:59 PM
Andeee, what about hair color removers?

I dread the day I stop dying... I have no idea what my transition is going to be like :/

Juanita
December 29th, 2013, 03:47 PM
I have long silver grey hair. It took me around 5 years to grow out all the dye because I wasn't willing to cut off any length. So it was about 7/8 years ago I stopped dying. My hair is much softer now and much less damage prone. In hind sight I probably should have cut some length off to speed up the process.
If you do FaceBook there is a very supportive group on there called Grey and Proud with members from all over the world who are transitioning or have grey / silver/ white hair. Also the Salt and Pepper thread on here.

dulce
December 30th, 2013, 09:56 AM
I also went gray after continued dyeing caused my shorter hair to break,thin out, get some bald spots, go frizzy,flat and brassy looking..Now it is much thicker,[no more bald spots]nice and shiny and I LOVE my streaky,''icy''frosted looking almost classic longer hair..The money I spent at salons cutting and dyeing I can afford to indulge my ficcare cravings now.I no longer go to salons at all now,hubbie or my creaclip cut my hair.I now really regret all the time and money at salons I spent trying to hide my gray those years.I had bought into the silly myth that gray was ugly and had to be hidden at all costs, silly me!IF I could redo the past ,knowing what I know now[how pretty my silver was/is],I would never have coloured.Gray is not the right term,silver is better due to the sparkles.And to think how much I used to hate my silver roots,ironically they used to be so much shinier than my dyed hair..But you have to make your own decision based on what's best for you.

bibijay
December 31st, 2013, 04:00 PM
I am pretty determined now to stop the chemical dying and go gradually back to my natural gray, but I have ordered some cassia, on the advice of another long hair, hoping this will smooth the transition a little and hide the demarcation line between my dyed and natural hair. I decided I don't even want to put chemical root cover-up mascara on my hair, am so sick of the horrible damage from the last trip to hairdressers. Hoping cassia will turn the white hairs gold just while the chemical dye grows out, and so blend them in a bit?

dulce
December 31st, 2013, 04:08 PM
I had thin silvery ash blonde highlights[just a few] put in twice the first year of gray transition to blend in the dye demarcation line as I didn't want to cut.Worked well for me,as the highlights grew out I had the fashioneable ombre hair for a few years till the highlighted ends were slowly cut off over time.

bibijay
January 1st, 2014, 11:45 AM
Your hair looks beautiful in your picture! I don't know if my hair could ever look like that, as the longest it's ever been is just below shoulder length but above APL. I would love long silver hair that I could put in a plait!

dulce
January 1st, 2014, 12:00 PM
I've never had it this long in my life,my average length was BSL when younger.I cut to a dyed pixie in my mid 40's- mid 50's.My dyed hair went brassy brown,the gray roots showed 2 weeks after each dye job and my hair thinned and broke off.I thought it was age related hair loss but after 10 years was SO fed up I decided to stop dyeing and grow long .When I announced this at the salon I had 2 hairdressers gang up on me saying gray hair would make me look so old and long hair was unfashioneable,obviously I didn't listen to them! To my surprise ,my age related hair loss reversed as I stopped dying and hot blow dryers.Now at 61 have gray/light brown butt length fairly thick hair. I no longer go to salons as the pressure to cut and dye is too annoying.Hubbie or my creaclip cut my hair.You may be surprised to see how well your hair grows if you look at your hair care methods,tweek them a bit.Even at older ages many can still grow long healthy hair.My hair has been more fragile since menopause[am not on HRT] so if I was still dyeing I'd hate to see what it's condition would be like today.Am surprised at the length I have today[didn't ever think it was possible for me] and plan to grow longer.. so try!!A funny note,those gray roots I used to hate so much used to be so much shinier than my dyed menopausal hair,you'd think that would have clued me in earlier .Another funny note,my hair thickened up enough that I had to cut a layered v,my v is almost at classic] this fall [hubbie did awesome job!!] to reduce the hair weight and 5 years ago I thought I had age related hair loss with my dyed hair due to the thinning ,breaking and a few bald spots,all of which have disappeared now.

Andeee
January 1st, 2014, 12:45 PM
Love reading about your hair journey, dulce! I didn't even think about the possibililty of post-menopausal hair being more fragile...hmm...and I'm on the way there.

dulce
January 1st, 2014, 12:49 PM
When I checked up on it ,it is due to the loss of estrogen,it may not affect all ladies but I got osteoporosis and increased allergies as well as more fragile hair.Estrogen modulates the immune system and affects bone density as well as skin and hair.I dyed from 20-40 with no problems,as I approached menopause my overall body took quite a hit..I won't take HRT,so diet[more protein,less carbs,more healthy fats] yoga and exercise helped,plus daily 5 min scalp massage and stopping any damaging hair practises really helped.Almost all salon practises are damaging to some degree,so I don't go anymore ever for anything..The last time I went they used a stiff sharp bristled nylon plastic brush through my hair,tangling it and I could hear my hair snapping and breaking,she finally angrily handed the brush to me as I complained it was hurting.NOT a pleasant experience.

bibijay
January 1st, 2014, 02:43 PM
Sad to say I agree about hairdressers, I've had so many bad experiences with them over the years. That's one of the reasons I want to go gray, because I'm fed up of walking out from a salon with my hair snapping and fried, or cut too short, or coloured too strong! You are a fantastic inspiration!

dulce
January 1st, 2014, 04:32 PM
Thanks BIBIJAY!!!

chen bao jun
January 2nd, 2014, 07:30 AM
I didn't see a lot of difference in the two photos. maybe the grey is more visible from the front?

I don't have personal experience in this area as I am a 'slow grey-er'. However, here are some things to think about:
1. If you go grey and can't stand it, you can always dye easily and quickly. but growing out dye is harder, especially if you have long hair.
2. Society has a prejudice against age in general and against gray hair as a sign of age. I have a friend with the most beautiful gray hair ever. she has been grey since her early 40's and I used to be really jealous of the striking look of her hair and how lovely she was with still youthful face. However, she lost her job and was counselled by many that grey hair would be a problem getting a new job. She did not want to colour but finally gave in. as of yet, she has no job. However, she is being treated entirely differently with dyed hair, especially by men who now see her as a 'possibility'. If you are in the market for a guy, you might want to consider this. If you have a husband who will be upset by grey hair, I would also consider that. My husband says he does not care (but of course, I am not grey, so this is theoretical at this point on his part).
3. Colour does mess with your hair, but I wonder if you would like more information about cassia and other 'natural' colour, also, before trying that. My thought is that cassia might be very permanent, like henna, if it turns out that you don't like it. I would ask a lot of questions. i also would test it on an inconspicuous part of your hair.

I think taking some time to consider this is a good idea. Personally, I have a prejudice in favor of the grey (which I really don't see in your hair from the back, I would not have called that grey) but its up to what you decide you want. Good luck.

dulce
January 2nd, 2014, 09:49 AM
Chen is right ,there is a definite bias against gray hair and especially long gray hair worn loose on post menopausal women and other ages too,I have had numerous unsolicitated rude comments on my hair by strangers [usually older dyed short haired women my age who think it innapropriate] in public when it is loose,a few good comments too.Hairdressers generally dislike my hair it seems too.It seems people either love it or hate it.I wear it in a back braid or pony with a ficcare now as I never seem to get the nasty comments with those hair styles.Loose seems to annoy people more.But the more of us that go gray and long,eventually it will make it more acceptable in general society.Not all men dislike gray,at 61 am surprised at getting the odd man flirting with me at stores or in lineups,even a few younger guys.In my 40's with a dyed pixie no-one[men or women] ever looked at me twice and I never got any comments,either good or bad,I felt invisible. So not all men dislike gray hair ,especially if it's long.In a business setting an elegant chignon or French braid with earrings and stylish classy outfits should alleviate the dowdy,old fashioned perceptions of long gray hair.It can take the appearance of expensive frosting and highlights due to the silver streaks.Best of luck in whatever you decide.To be free of ''roots'' is wonderful,your hair is healthier and you save so much time and money not chasing those roots constantly.I had the opposite experience with my gray hair compared to chen's friend with gray hair but until you try it ,you'll never know.It's always worth a try.You can always dye back later if you aren't happy.

bibijay
January 2nd, 2014, 10:30 AM
Thanks so much for your detailed post, really helpful. Firstly, I'm married and hubby happy for me to go grey - actually he's very "Mr Natural" and anti the whole chemical dye thing, so grey would make him happy! But I have to admit to being vain and foolish and enjoying my looks regardless of being married! I don't mean men by the way, I just like feeling proud of how I look and happy with my appearance. Nevertheless, I am 52 and, although young looking, age is a reality! Wrinkles, saggy bits, you know, the whole caboodle. And in a way I feel like embracing my maturity, not by going gray and starting to dress like my granny! But by going gray and flaunting it proud and honest!
However, having said that, the cassia seems like a sort of in-between step that hopefully will allow me to make the shift from "bronde" to gray more gracefully. I was under the impression that cassia washes out and does not stain like red henna, and would really appreciate confirmation of this from anyone who's tried it?
Finally, am worried the gray photo I posted was not the truest - maybe the flash made it look blonder than it really was. So am going to try and post a photo that shows the gray more obviously! Might take a while to dig one up!

bibijay
January 2nd, 2014, 11:01 AM
Here goes another attempt to post some pics of my grey hair, from a few years back. I want to show more views as several people have commented that it doesn't look grey! Am a bit clumsy with all this, so hope the photos come up ok!

http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3677/11712743513_8a4d730d6b.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/112761431@N02/11712743513/)
2 grey (http://www.flickr.com/photos/112761431@N02/11712743513/) by bibijay (http://www.flickr.com/people/112761431@N02/), on Flickr

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5540/11712829094_13d89d1627.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/112761431@N02/11712829094/)
1 grey (http://www.flickr.com/photos/112761431@N02/11712829094/) by bibijay (http://www.flickr.com/people/112761431@N02/), on Flickr

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5514/11713167956_cca8c8d04b.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/112761431@N02/11713167956/)
CIMG3543 (http://www.flickr.com/photos/112761431@N02/11713167956/) by bibijay (http://www.flickr.com/people/112761431@N02/), on Flickr

Hope the photos come up ok!! If so, does it look more grey? What do you guys think about the colour? Thank you!

lunalocks
January 2nd, 2014, 11:09 AM
Yes. Go natural if you want to grow long. I get push back from my MOM!!! (who is in her 90's!) because she thinks my greys (and I still son't have many of them) will make HER look older.

Hopefully your daughter has changed her mind in these past few years.

My DH would be THRILLED if my hair was completely grey. And he loves my silver strands. Unfortunately, I may never go completely grey. My almost 97 yo mother still has a lot of brown hairs mingled in witht he white ones. Also, when i see long, white or grey hair, it is STUNNING. I say, go for it.

I have been using catnip tea rinses and leave ins and have heard that it covers grey. It has made my hair feel great and stopped ends form splitting and I do think that the greys are tinted a pale brownish red. I am told this washes out (I don't know because I reapply it every time I wash) so it might be worth a try if you truly want the white hairs covered a bit.

lunalocks
January 2nd, 2014, 11:29 AM
I wanted to add 2 things. One is that I was past 50 when I realized that maybe, just maybe I COULD grow my hair to waist. I stopped using heat, requested trims to be 1/4 inch and wore my hair up most of the time. I also stopped wearing a ponytail after discovering the damage even scrunchies caused. I made it to waist. I was so thrilled and surprised. Then to hip. Wow. Now I am almost to BCL and hope to reach tailbone next year this time. My goal is classic by the time I turn 60, 3 more years. My hair grows slowly, but I think I'll make it.

Second, when I DO wear my hair down, I never get negative comments (except from my mom) and, even tho I wear a big fat gold band, men have started to flirt with me. This didn't happen to me in my 40's. Ever. This is when I wear it down. When I wear it curled and down (about twice a year) they go gaga. It is really funny.

dulce
January 2nd, 2014, 11:47 AM
Lunalocks-ha ha, funny,unexpected experience isn't it!!Bibijay-your curly ,shiny. hair is a beautiful colour!!Have you thought of trying to grow it longer,it will be so unique and striking.Your hair has a beautiful icy,frosted look,that looks like you spent big bucks to get but it's free!How great is that..

bibijay
January 2nd, 2014, 11:55 AM
Oh thanks so much again everyone, really positive responses, I am EXCITED about the project now thanks to you!
;)

dulce
January 2nd, 2014, 11:57 AM
Bibijay,you and I must be married to the same man!!Hubbie was the one when I was in my 50's encouraging me to go long and gray[I initially thought I was too old]

chen bao jun
January 2nd, 2014, 12:01 PM
It still looks just artistically streaked to me. I would not know you did not do that on purpose and would not call it 'grey', though white streaks are noticeable on the sides in a ponytailed photo.
Dulce, I have been a hair fan of yours forever.

Bibijay, I think all of us like people to think we are pretty. My husband also likes it when other people think I am pretty and I don't want to give that up! But maybe I won't have to. My grandmother was stunning at 80. Everyone used to say, what a beautiful woman (unfortunately I do not resemble her).

I have maybe 10-20 white hairs in the middle of my head that get kind of buried in curls so the impression I give is of not being grey. I don't know what opinion to have about this--it just is this way. If I follow the family trend, I should be noticeably greying only when I reach my 70's, though there are exceptions. My brothers and sister all have the same black hair I do but I am the oldest at 56. My one brother shaves his head completely. He was very ill last year (actually in a coma for weeks) and while he was in the hospital, his hair all grew back. All were shocked to see that he has a very full head of coal black curls at age 48. People who did not know our family assumed the only reason a man would shave his head completely bare was either thinning hair or to hide grey.
He shaved it off again as soon as he was able.
I am encouraged to read of people who started growing hair at older ages and now have tailbone length. By the time I am sixty, I would love if I did too--whatever color it is!

dulce
January 2nd, 2014, 12:36 PM
I was initially sad to discover my hair at 61 is not solid,pure silver,but white in my bangs and sides and light brown mixed with silver in the back so indoor flash pics make it look more golden than it is.Outside it looks more gray.But am now used to to my mixed bag of natural colour hair,everyone's gray/silver shades are really unique to each person .

Red Rapunzel
January 2nd, 2014, 12:53 PM
Disastrous hairdresser colouring job has left my shoulder length hair fried, snapping and generally in an awful state. I have been trying for decades to grow my hair seriously long, and it was just starting to approach mid back, so this is a real setback.
I am seriously tempted to stop colouring and let my highlighted and lowlighted "bronde" hair revert to its natural 100% gray.
I'm a young looking 52, still like to dress up and still get a fair bit of attention for my looks! I know it sounds vain and silly, but Im afraid if I go gray Im going to lose my looks and become old before my time!
What doesn't help is that I tried it before, a few years ago, and got a lot of resistance from daughter who,said I looked 10 years older. Plus I have to be honest, I think I did get some of that "middle aged invisible" feeling that people talk about - which disappeared as soon as I went back to colouring my hair!
i might try and post a couple of pictures - am a newbie so not sure if I can do this?
Anyway - I would so appreciate your advice and opinions please everybody?


Bibijay,

I love your natural gray color - a blend of grey and some darker natural color: It is lovely! I do actually prefer it over your dyed color. Key is, how do you look from the front with your grey hair? Does the grey wash out your face (like it would mine)? If your daughter said you look "10 years older" with your natural grey and you also get a feeling of being "middle-aged invisible" from others when you are grey, then grey may not be your best look if you wish to appear younger. However, your strong desire to finally grow your hair "seriously long" might just override the opinions and reactions of others as well as your reluctance to look older - does it? You have to decide which is stronger: Your desire to, for once, have really long hair or your desire to look more youthful. Might grey hair adversely affect your career? If not, should the opinions of others matter that much? I knew a woman who, on stopping dying her hair, looked 20 years older - but not having to be enslaved to dying her hair was worth it to her! What is most important to you?

Also, it might be that switching to a more knowledgeable and skilled hairdresser could make it possible for you to grow dyed hair really long. Years ago my hairdresser started dying her grey hair and she looked fantastic! She also was ironing her hair and said that the dye actually somewhat protected her hair from heat damage due to the coating of dye over the hair shaft. Her hair always looked awesome, shiny, and healthy even though it was both dyed and flat-ironed. Sooooooo, maybe the biggest problem you have is your hairdresser: Maybe she doesn't know what the heck she is doing when she colors your hair and, in the process of dying it, may be damaging your hair (since you indicated that she has left your hair "fried, snapping, and generally in an awful state"). She may also be "frying your hair" when she styles it. Find someone else to do it!!

If you really can't decide, then you could just let your hair return to its natural grey for a while: It you decide that was a mistake, you could always go back to dying it.

Also, a decision-maker I have used (with pretty good accuracy) is to hold a pendulum (a small ball, stone, or other item on a chain or a string) over the palm of your open hand. Decide in advance that, after asking yourself the question "Should I go grey?" if the item swings lengthwise that means "yes" and if it swings widthwise that means "no". Then just relax and ask aloud the question: Should I go grey?. Your body will very subtly make the pendulum swing the way you most deeply feel about the answer to the question. In other words, if you really deeply do want to try grey most - then the item on the pendulum will swing in a lengthwise fashion up and down your palm indicating "yes" in response to your question of "Should I let my hair go grey?" Try it. It works for me.

So your choices are: 1. Get a better hairdresser who knows how to color without causing damage.
2. Let it go grey.
3. Keep coloring - but maybe switch to a more benign coloring agent rather than the usual hair dye. Also, check what you are using to shampoo and condition your hair at home: You may be inflicting the damage yourself!!

I recently discovered a line of products that is making a huge difference in the way my usually dry hair looks and feels: Try Aveeno hair products. They are very gentle and my hair has never before felt so soft. Not dry anymore!! I use Aveeno "Nourish & Moisturize Shampoo", Aveeno "Pure Renewal Conditioner" (Sulfate-free), and also Aveeno "Nourish + Condition leave-in treatment". They are inexpensive - got them at WalMart. What a difference!! Baby-soft hair!

Good luck to you in your quest for long hair! It's not too late for you!

Red Rapunzel

Red Rapunzel
January 2nd, 2014, 12:58 PM
Dulce,

Looks beautiful to me! I like the mixed colors!

Red Rapunzel

Sunshineliz
January 2nd, 2014, 01:59 PM
I think it looks wonderful gray and I love it's mixed artfully streaked look. :crush:

I'm in my mid-30s now and I have been graying since I was 20 (I dyed once out of pressure from my MIL about 9 years ago and then just let it grow out.) Most days I like it and it makes me unique. I look young for my age and I think for the most part I just confuse people who see me. There is the automatic assumption that people with gray hair are old, so it confuses people to see it with a young face. I had a friend tell me that when she first saw me from behind (in the sunlight I really light up silvery) she thought I was old, but then she saw me from the front and couldn't decide how old I was. Young? Old? No idea. She had to ask how old I was. Lighting makes a difference like I said, and when I'm in incandescent light indoors I've had a few people just think I'd highlighted my hair. But I've found that when I am well-groomed I tend to have people think I'm younger than when I'm just looking like a tired mom in my pajama pants LOL.

As another example, my older sister is 41 and her hair is solid pewter. She confuses people all the time. Her face literally looks like she's a young 20s. Once she was going to the theatre and the clerk hadn't seen her face yet and she was offered the senior citizen discount but then when she looked up the person just stammered confusedly at her and then apologized.

Another member I know is using cassia and she is very happy with it. It is blending very well with her hair as she is growing out her henna and she's said she'll stick with cassia until she is ready to fully embrace the silver. You do what is best for you, but the cassia sounds like a good plan to me.


ETA: And do check out the salt & pepper thread--that's where us silvery people hang out. :)

bibijay
January 2nd, 2014, 02:42 PM
Ok, I will check out the Salt and Pepper thread! Thanks everybody, it's so great having such a wealth of experience to tap into here!

dulce
January 2nd, 2014, 02:58 PM
With gray hair ,makeup,brighter lipstick and some eye makeup, and earrings all help prevent that washed out look and a bright scarf around the neck also helps.I don't do any of these things but have seen pics of people on gray hair forums that do this and they look great.

DelynofRhondda
January 2nd, 2014, 05:19 PM
What a beautiful thread! BibiJay, I find your natural colour quite stunning and...natural.

I do understand the peer pressure to dye, Dye, DYE and not look old, Old, OLD. Dulce had some excellent comments about make-up & accessories. Contrary to popular belief, "little ole grey haired ladies" look better with amped up contrast. If you wear make-up try turning up the wattage with lip colour...bright not dark. Black mascara better defines fading lashes. Taupe or dark blonde eyebrow colour, too. All of our hairs lose pigmentation.

There are so many ways to create contrast and draw the eye away from what society derides as a flaw. I'm glad we don't live in Dynastic Egypt ;-) Everyone shaved their entire bodies O_o. Gimme mah grey hayah doon to dayah!

p.s. Glad to be back among the living and LHC once again. And to read a positively uplifting thread first.

bibijay
January 7th, 2014, 03:30 PM
Thanks Delynofrhonddha, and everyone else! For the really supportive comments. I've got one centimetre of grey so far, so can't really claim to be on the road to silver yet! Am humming and hawing a bit to be honest, sometimes thinking of trying a herbal colour (has anyone tried Logona??) and will definitely do a strand test with the cassia I've ordered, when it eventually gets here (local post takes forever). But all in all, I have to say, the grey thing tempts me, I seriously want to be brave and "myself" enough to do it! So will keep looking at gorgeous grey role models for inspiration.

breezefaerie
January 7th, 2014, 03:39 PM
I love your hair - looks like you colored it that way on purpose!

I've been slowly turning white, and I am about 20% white now. It took me about two years to grow out the bright red henna I had been using for about a decade and I am so glad I did.
My father has pure white hair and I am hoping mine will take after his.

vanillabones
January 7th, 2014, 03:50 PM
I really love the grey color. I vote yes, grow it out!! :bluesmile

LaurelSpring
January 8th, 2014, 04:23 PM
I have been using a Cassia/Catnip mix for years now. I love it and it works great for me. It makes my silvers a nice blonde color that blends really well. You can play with the mix by adding a bit of henna for a more coppery color. I also add a bit of buxus to make it darker blonde. It also gives the rest of my hair a nice warm hue. Using the Cassia has been a great transition for me from chemicals. Now I am at a point of trying to decide whether to give that up. I told myself that I wasn't going to buy any more after this last batch. I really want to see what it looks like natural but I do so love the warm shiny look of the Cassia mix so we'll see.

bibijay
January 10th, 2014, 02:51 PM
The cassia as a transition is exactly what I was hoping to use it for, but yes sometimes I just wonder if I should ditch the colour altogether and face the grey. But - I don't want to cut much off my hair, in fact I want to grow it long long long! I don't mind taking the blonde off an inch a month, but that still means I'm going to be living with 2 tone blonde/ grey hair for ages.
So cassia seems like a good way to ease into it.
By the way apologies for constantly changing my spelling of grey/ gray! I think the US and UK spellings are different, and I keep confusing myself chopping and changing!

DelynofRhondda
January 10th, 2014, 04:09 PM
Hi BibiJay! Spell grey or gray or that new word greige LoL anything but tired, dull, old :wink:

Have you thought of using periodically a purple shampoo specially made for blonde & grey hair? It's like using bluing in a load of whites. Every once in awhile, I'll use about a pea-sized drop to purple shampoo. Followed with a cold water rinse of weak chamomile tea. It does brighten the white hairs & makes them quite sparklie.

My daughter, a natural platinum, had to use purple shampoo regularly when on swim teams. She'd end up with turquoise hair from the chlorine pool water. That's how I first learned about it.

You can always wear your hair in kicky plaits & updos to highlight the multitones in the hair. Women pay good money to get their hair dyed in stripes, swatches, ombré, etc. Show it off and tell anyone who asks, "My stylist does a fantastic job with cutting edge colouring techniques." Stick some cute flowers, leaves, fruit & berry pins or clips into the buns for decoration.

If your hair isn't damaged beyond salvage, wear it long. Wear it out & proud. Remember: Grey IS a natural colour.

:joy:

Soltimus
January 10th, 2014, 04:24 PM
I think you should definitely look into the herbal alternatives we've got, as people have already mentioned, if you're not entirely ready to give up the dye. It'll be super healthy for your hair as well and may give it some life that'll in the end make you feel more confident in your grey locks should you choose to got that way at some point.

My MIL has had jet black TBL hair all of her life except for the past many years the colour was from a bottle. She finally got tired of the constant touching up of her snow white roots and just grew it out a few inches and CHOPPED! It's looking lovely now and really suits her. I'm so incredibly jealous! Also my husband it 37 years old and has completely grey hair (except for a ginger beard) and I think it looks awesome and stylish.

bibijay
January 23rd, 2014, 12:16 PM
Second thoughts / cold feet kicking in!! I've got about an inch of grey roots now, and am seriously reconsidering going to grey. It's just so scary!! I've been looking at pictures of silver haired women who look cool and gorgeous, but keep remembering how I felt last time I tried it, and how afraid I was of looking "old".
The thing is, I'm 52, I look young and funky, and I like the idea of having long grey hair and looking cool and devil may care about it! And giving up on the whole dye maintenance thing, and growing my hair really long and strong. But am worried the reality will be a grey frazzled mess that makes me look witchy or faded and past it.
If anyone can remind me why I should keep on with the grey please tell me, cos I need to hear it now!
Thank you everyone!

Cheyne
January 23rd, 2014, 12:25 PM
I, too, am intentionally going grey. My roots are a little over 2 inches now (haven't colored since October) and I am seeing my hair's true color for the first time in 30 years.

I am 51, and can't wait for the grey to be long enough to cover my entire head-then the only "color" I will have will be in my braid or bun updo. Then it will be a very long journey to let that grey grow to tailbone-but even if I kept coloring the same amount of time would pass.

Stick with it, Sister Bibijay! I'll post a pic of my roots here in a day or so when my daughter comes home for the weekend and we can compare ;)!

dulce
January 23rd, 2014, 12:33 PM
I am 61 and have nearly classic length thick gray streaked light brown hair,my dyed shorter hair 5 years ago was fried and dyed and breaking off so I decided to stop dyeing and go gray and long,which I couldn't before as my hair was too damaged..Without the dye and hot blowdryer my hair thickened up and grew very long ,I don't miss the time and money spent on salons,the chemicals on my hair and I enjoy not looking like all the other 61 year old ladies,sometimes it is fun to look different! The colour of your hair does not make you look old[salon myth that brainwashes us and is meant to scare us into colouring],They said that to me too!Your weight,wrinkles,how you dress , how healthy your hair looks,they matter much more..Oops,forgot I posted previously several pages back,just noticed now.

dulce
January 23rd, 2014, 12:37 PM
Here is my ''natural''grayish undyed hair..http://i1123.photobucket.com/albums/l545/chicaaa1/DSC00677.jpg (http://s1123.photobucket.com/user/chicaaa1/media/DSC00677.jpg.html)
I love the freedom of no chemicals on my scalp and no pesky root worries..sorry for big pic!Ignore nay sayers,if I'd listened to them I'd still have my dyed fried thinning pixie which showed roots after the second week of colouring.So do what you want and ignore what others think or what you think they will think!Your head,your hair,your choice.And Bibijay,your hair colour and wavy texture as a ''silver'' looks a lot like mine as a ''silver''..

dulce
January 23rd, 2014, 12:57 PM
Last pic,my sweater abovehttp://i1123.photobucket.com/albums/l545/chicaaa1/long%20hair/DSC01328.jpg (http://s1123.photobucket.com/user/chicaaa1/media/long%20hair/DSC01328.jpg.html) isn't the best colour,should have worn blue[looks super with grayish hair] Hope I've been able to help you see that silver isn't so bad,also if you wish to go very long it is easier without any chemicals or dyes on your hair..I had grown out my dyed orangy brown pixie to arm pit length then decided at that length to stop all dyeing but didn't want to cut it off but to continue to grow longer while transitioning to silver,so I did a few thin salon platinum silver highlights to blend in the dye demarcation line once it was about 3 inches long,then just continued to grow more,no cut was needed. And it was super easy to grow out the highlights..They eventually turned into that fashioneable ''ombre '' look till I slowly cut them all off in mini trims.

lapushka
January 23rd, 2014, 01:19 PM
Second thoughts / cold feet kicking in!! I've got about an inch of grey roots now, and am seriously reconsidering going to grey. It's just so scary!! I've been looking at pictures of silver haired women who look cool and gorgeous, but keep remembering how I felt last time I tried it, and how afraid I was of looking "old".

Another reason why it's so scary is because the first few inches of growing out *any* hair color is awkward! Once you get past 4 to 5 inches or so, it will get easier. But right now, it's not going to be too pleasant for you!

dulce
January 23rd, 2014, 01:26 PM
Try headbands or scarves as headbands for those first few silver root inches..and team with big hoop earrings!

cathair
January 23rd, 2014, 01:44 PM
I agree with lapushka about the roots.

Don't know if this makes you feel any better but it's worth a try...



The thing is, I'm 52, I look young and funky, and I like the idea of having long grey hair and looking cool and devil may care about it!

I am 28, I have 3 pure white streaks and started going white at 15. I also have very dark hair, you are lucky in some respects at least you hair was a light tone to begin with.

You don't have to be ancient to have white/grey hair. I think it's just you can't tell when people are naturally greying, because so many people dye their hair as soon as the first white one pops up, because people fear being judged solely on that, which is awful. If everyone could see how white everyone else was underneath, it wouldn't be a big deal at all. I honestly believe skin condition makes people look older than their hair.



And giving up on the whole dye maintenance thing, and growing my hair really long and strong. But am worried the reality will be a grey frazzled mess that makes me look witchy or faded and past it.

I would imagine dying it in the long run will make it look more frazzled. Although I know that contrast between your hair colour and the white can be a disconcerting. This will more than likely improve when you roots grow out more, because you hair is lighter anyway.

I don't think that permanent dye [aside maybe henna and neither you nor I are red heads] and having long hair mix well, I think it's very tricky to do well. Which means using deposit only dye and probably weekly maintenance. Who wants to spend the rest of their life being a slave in terms of time or money to hair dye? I can think of so many better things to do with my time.


If anyone can remind me why I should keep on with the grey please tell me, cos I need to hear it now!
Thank you everyone!

I don't know if I have given you any reasons good enough to not dye. But I just wanted to say hang in there, it sounds like you are going through an awkward stage that will pass, if you can hold off.

breezefaerie
January 24th, 2014, 06:47 AM
The first few inches of grey are the hardest. You are almost through your transition phase!

spidermom
January 24th, 2014, 07:04 AM
I think it's completely worth any awkward stage you might be experiencing. We all had to grit our teeth and power through one awkward stage or another. Mine was growing from pixie to APL. My hair poofed straight out before it got enough weight to start hanging down. Don't believe me?
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/BOONEW.jpg (http://s25.photobucket.com/user/spidermom/media/BOONEW.jpg.html)
My goth niece did my makeup, but the hair was completely natural, air-dried hair. If I could get through that (the big-barrel curling iron was my friend) without cutting back to pixie, you can get through growing out your natural hair color.

Teazel
January 24th, 2014, 03:46 PM
But am worried the reality will be a grey frazzled mess that makes me look witchy or faded and past it.

You won't know until you try it, but, looking at your photos, I'm confident your hair will be absolutely stunning - especially once any dye damage is trimmed away. You decided to ditch the dye for good reasons, so stick with it! :cheer:

DMARTINEZ
January 24th, 2014, 04:09 PM
I think your hair will be stunning longer! I am one of the silver and gold ladies.:) Im originally strawberry blonde,and went white,so I have silver and gold hair. ;)

jt623
January 24th, 2014, 04:25 PM
My mom's hair looks gorgeous colored with cassia coloring only. I hope to eventually do the same.

Andeee
January 25th, 2014, 12:46 AM
Second thoughts / cold feet kicking in!! I've got about an inch of grey roots now, and am seriously reconsidering going to grey. It's just so scary!! I've been looking at pictures of silver haired women who look cool and gorgeous, but keep remembering how I felt last time I tried it, and how afraid I was of looking "old".
The thing is, I'm 52, I look young and funky, and I like the idea of having long grey hair and looking cool and devil may care about it! And giving up on the whole dye maintenance thing, and growing my hair really long and strong. But am worried the reality will be a grey frazzled mess that makes me look witchy or faded and past it.
If anyone can remind me why I should keep on with the grey please tell me, cos I need to hear it now!
Thank you everyone!
I have all of these same fears!!

I have been following this thread and am getting braver because of dulce's and others' comments and suggestions.

I hate being a slave to dye and also the cost! I go every 6 weeks and we only do the roots now and it really hasn't been too damaging at all, but my previous sentence says it all.

I don't want to cut my length at all and am hoping, if I do this, that it will just be those first 5 or so inches of grey coming in that will be the hardest to get through (with my dark brown length remaining--I will not cut!!).....

Stray_mind
January 25th, 2014, 01:28 AM
I like your grey hair. It looks soft and i like the different shades going on in there. I think you should give it a shot.. If you don't like it, you can go back to dying later.. :)

bibijay
January 29th, 2014, 08:47 AM
Hello again everyone. I've been caught up in life events for a few days so haven't been able to come back here, but am still really preoccupied with the grey or not to grey conundrum and trying to come up with solutions. I thought about natural colour, Cassia, Logona etc, but have decided it would be expensive and time consuming, and possibly not successful, so overall not for me. I don't want to cut my length, so going grey means the horrible "skunk" demarcation line between the old dyed hair and the new grey roots, and as my hair grows slowly I am looking at a year or 2 to get through this.
I have come up with a strategy! Am going to try and convince my (rather bossy and very anti-grey hair) hairdresser to follow my plan, and in order to try to get her to actually listen to me and do what it is that I ask, I've come up with 6 "guidelines", outlined below:-
HOW TO GROW OUT GREY ON COLOURED DAMAGED HAIR

1. After you've grown your roots out an inch or more, to minimise further damage to the fried hair, ask your hairdresser to colour the ROOTS ONLY of your hair.

2. Explain to your hairdresser that you would like her to LOWLIGHT ONLY - NO BLEACH.

3. Ask your stylist to add the lowlights colour on just SOME of the roots of your hair only, you do NOT want to cover all of the grey! THIS IS IMPORTANT!
You want some roots to show their natural grey, so that later on these grey roots will become grey streaks.
This is exactly what you are looking for, in order to ease into grey without the harsh demarcation "skunk" line between dyed hair and grey roots.

4. After this root touch up, the previously bleached lengths and ends of your hair will be lighter coloured than the roots. To blend the darker-mixed-with-grey roots with the lighter lengths and ends, ask your stylist if she thinks it's safe to risk continuing these lowlights through from roots to ends on A FEW strands of hair, on the T section only.
The result you are looking to achieve is - some strands of hair will be coloured and some grey, visually breaking up the line between the roots and your previously colored hair.

5. As the hair grows, your hairdresser should touch up some of the roots, and add just a few lowlights here and there, to keep the grey and the old colour blended.
6. At each visit to the salon, ask your stylist to GRADUALLY REDUCE the number of root touch ups and lowlights she adds, until slowly the grey begins to become the dominant colour.

In this way you can make a smooth transition to grey, without having to go through the awkward and obvious "growing out hair dye" phase.

Does this sound feasible?? It just seems to me it might help me get over the psychological hurdle of going grey "cold turkey", and might silence the nay-sayers (daughter etc) for a little while at least, till I can get the grey hair thing off the ground.
I really do want to do it, but am not sure I can live with that unbroken 2 tone dye/grey line while the grey comes in, and am hoping the lowlights here and there will help.

bibijay
January 29th, 2014, 08:50 AM
Dulce your hair is beautiful, and your hair ornament looks stunning!

SkyChild
January 29th, 2014, 08:59 AM
Dulce that hairtoy is beautiful!

I LOVE seeing grey-haired ladies with long hair. There's literally only one in my village and her hair is SO dazzling. It makes such a change from seeing ladies who should be grey but are instead a flat or fake brown or blonde. It's also a lovely change from ladies with grey hair that seem to think they have to chop it all off and have that Granny-perm!

Stick at it bibijay! It'll be much less scary when you start seeing more of your colour than the roots.

bibijay
January 29th, 2014, 09:02 AM
I had thin silvery ash blonde highlights[just a few] put in twice the first year of gray transition to blend in the dye demarcation line as I didn't want to cut.Worked well for me,as the highlights grew out I had the fashioneable ombre hair for a few years till the highlighted ends were slowly cut off over time.

I just Re-read this, Dulce - it's basically what I'm hoping to achieve as set out in my last (very long!) post. But now I'm wondering if I should be asking hairdresser for silvery blonde highlights, instead of lowlights, to blend the colour? The thing is I'm a bit frightened to ask for highlights or bleach at the roots, after what the hairdresser did to my hair last time she bleached it! Will lowlights blend the grey as well as highlights?
Also just to note, I live in an isolated rural area and don't have the option to switch to another salon/ stylist.

dulce
January 29th, 2014, 01:39 PM
If you don't trust your hair dresser ,low lights might be safer.There is a lot of potential for hair damage with improperly done highlights,I would think.All you need is something to mute the stark dye demarcation line when you first start to grow out the roots.Once your roots are near shoulder length it will all blend in together.I did highlights twice only the first year[thin and just a few] and then just grew it all out.Low lights could be done the same way,as you grow out your highlights or lowlights you will be sporting an ombre look for awhile at the ends,but it can be very pretty! Hubbie loved mine..

bibijay
January 30th, 2014, 07:45 AM
I found an article in the New York Times which is so pertinent and which I think anyone grappling with the "to grey or not to grey" issue will enjoy! I'm not sure I'm allowed to post links?? Have looked through site support and couldn't find anything, so am posting the whole article below as it is brilliant, sums up the issue with wit and vigour! I hope posting a copied article is ok here - have cited author and date etc.

June 21, 2013
She’s Done With Washing It Away
By LEAH ROZEN
I’m 57 but look like an old lady. That’s because my hair is gray.

Or at least I must have looked ancient to the millennial at the ticket booth at a Manhattan art house I recently visited on a weekday. I was catching a late afternoon movie, admittedly at a time when much of the audience is in their sunset years. The ticket seller was yakking away on her cellphone so I simply named the film I wanted to see and proffered a $20 bill; she handed back a ticket and my change.

It was only when I went into the theater and handed the ticket to the ticket taker that I realized her colleague had sold me a senior ticket, available only to those who have hobbled across the advanced threshold of age 65. It cost $9; the regular price is $13. The ticket seller’s automatic ageist assumption based solely on my hair color (I’m neither particularly wrinkled nor stooped) was my gain. I did not go back to correct her mistake.

Chalk one up for gray power.

But being gray makes me an anomaly. Most women my age, at least in the not-especially-rarefied circles in which I travel, dye their hair. It’s easier and less painful than a face-lift or Botox injections, those other popular weapons in the ceaseless battle for eternal youth. That’s a struggle from which I’ve opted out.

I let my hair go au naturel three and a half years ago. This anti-makeover happened immediately after I quit my longtime job as a movie critic at People magazine. (I volunteered, enthusiastically, for a companywide buyout because I couldn’t bear being obligated to see one more Adam Sandler movie.)

As part of the job, I had appeared regularly on TV. I used to pop up on ABC’s “World News Now,” HLN’s “Showbiz Tonight,” NBC’s “Today” and elsewhere to wax wise about movies and the entertainment industry.

As you may have noticed, the TV news and infotainment business suffers from white fright. Other than Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer, almost no one in broadcast journalism (and it’s even rarer for a woman) has a hair color suggesting imminent AARP membership. It might scare off viewers in the demographic (18- to 49-year-olds) that advertisers covet.

The unspoken rules were clear, and I abided by them. For more than a decade, I scurried to the hair salon every couple of months to have my hair dyed a warm brown, a hue close to my original color (using semi-permanent color, which washes out).

From the start, though, I always kept a skunk-like gray streak at my right temple and, eventually, at both temples. I called it my Cruella de Vil streak. (Had I been more pretentious, or in another line of work, I would have labeled it my Susan Sontag streak.)

Every time I sat down in the colorist’s chair, I vowed that the minute I quit my job, I would also stop doing television and cease dyeing my hair. Upon bailing from my post, I did both, and I’m happier for it. Way happier.

WHY GO GRAY in my mid-50s? Because I can. I am in the fortunate position that I am not looking for another full-time job. I don’t have to appear youthful or try to disguise my age to compete with recent Justin Bieber fans for employment. If I remind some whippersnapper of his mother, great; maybe he’ll call her.

There were additional reasons to go gray. Foremost among them, I’m cheap. How cheap? I walk two extra blocks to save 50 cents on a gallon of milk and will hop a cab, rather than taking the subway, only if it’s pouring buckets or after 1 a.m.

Coloring your hair is expensive. It was costing me north of $800 annually to tint my tresses at my neighborhood Manhattan hair salon. For that amount, I can jet round-trip twice, albeit in coach, to visit Los Angeles, where I proudly fly my freak flag as the only nonblonde of practically any race or age in the entire city.

I’m also lazy. Going to the hair salon every two months for a couple of hours was a hassle and a waste of time. I’d rather be home working or out riding my bicycle in Central Park or meeting a friend for lunch.

And being contentedly single proved an advantage in making the color switch. I didn’t have to ask my husband or significant other if he minded being seen squiring around an obvious incipient geezer. (Since I’ve gone gray, more than one female acquaintance has told me that she’d like to do the same, but her husband keeps vetoing the notion.)

My final reason, and the clincher, was my mother. She had long advocated for growing old gracefully, by which she meant not indulging in any fashion trend when it came around for a second time (like bell bottoms and platform shoes), not wearing your skirts too short once your knees capitulated to gravity, and not dyeing your hair.

She had gone fully gray in her 50s, snow white in her 60s, and looked fabulous. “I dress to show it off,” she once told me, explaining that she wore mostly black, gray and various shades of blue.

IF MY GOING GRAY is in any way a political statement, it’s a passive but shimmeringly visible protest against the cult of youth. We can’t all be young forever and — news flash! — some of us don’t want to be. Hey, my silvery locks signal to one and all, I’m getting older and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. Deal with it.

Besides, I am in good company. Plenty of brave and beautiful women have already blazed the age-appropriate tress-test trail. Think of the novelists Katherine Anne Porter and Toni Morrison, Katharine Hepburn and Jamie Lee Curtis, the politician Ann Richards, Emmylou Harris and the chief of the International Monetary Fund, Christine Lagarde.

I’m sure each had her own reasons for letting nature take its course, but I would also bet they’ve all made the same discovery that I have: life is so much easier this way.

That’s the real reason to go gray. Blondes may have more fun, but we gray gals have it made in our shade. No having to worry about getting our hair colored, about bad dye jobs or our roots showing, or about trying desperately to look younger than our years.

You can just be you, only grayer.

dulce
January 30th, 2014, 10:09 AM
Great article!! Not to mention gray comes in gloriously different shades unlike a generic dye bottle where all the'' warm browns'' look the same colour on everyone and the dyed colour is never as shiny as undyed silver hair..I think some men fear gray due to preconceived ideas of the very short permed gray salon dos so prevalent in our culture .All I can say is long gray hair worn loose for most men is appealing,even 30 year old guys have complimented me on my hair and hubby loves it.My previous dyed pixie never got me a 2nd glance or any compliments from hubbie or the public.Not knocking pixies on others but that was my personal experience in my life.Obviously pixies don't suit me.I used to feel invisible with my dyed pixie but no longer do,with my long gray hair.I don't care if gray makes me look old,I am older,no amount of dye will change that fact.Surgery could help but I refuse to do that option.Why are we so scared as a nation to look our age?I want to look good for my age but why would I want to look younger..You can't turn back the clock,but there is an enormous billion dollar beauty industry trying to convince us we can and they reap the financial profits from that,I believe personally it's all money based.

alexis917
January 30th, 2014, 04:41 PM
I think grey hair looks so cool!
I can't wait until I'm old enough to be a wizard...(well, witch.)

Sterlyn
February 1st, 2014, 07:05 AM
Great article bibijay. Loved the term "white fright", haven't heard that one before but it's an apt description of the knee jerk reaction many have towards natural hair that has varying shades of silver in it.

Dulce, I agree with you that the beauty industry has a vested interest in keeping women feeling insecure/fearful about allowing any signs of aging to show, with hair color being in the forefront. I too do not care how old someone may think I am because of my hair color. But I truly I think my natural hair color is just as flattering if not more to my skin tone than my dyed hair was. Once you get past that initial reaction that a person must be 70 to have hair this color, the actual color itself doesn't really age me more or less. For many other women this has turned out to be the case as well, I have seen countless pics on other websites that support that (such as GGLG facebook page). I also agree that for me personally I don't find the negative reaction from most men in IRL that a lot of women seem to think there should or will be. Also DH loves my hair too, which is good cause I wasn't changing it back if he didn't.

I think as people get used to seeing more women with transitioned hair, and as it gets more common the prejudice will ease and it will be become just another choice, like red, blonde, brunette or black, without all the crap attached to it. At least that's my hope:)

Scarlet_Heart
February 1st, 2014, 09:16 AM
I'm 30 and I've got a good amount of gray already. I've decide to stop dying and just let it grow out because right now, there won't be a very noticeable demarcation line. If I wait until it's mostly gray, then it will be obvious where I stopped dying. I'm still playing with the idea of using semi permanent dye until I'm older and ready to be gray, but for now I'm just leaving it alone.

Sterlyn
February 1st, 2014, 09:55 AM
I'm 30 and I've got a good amount of gray already. I've decide to stop dying and just let it grow out because right now, there won't be a very noticeable demarcation line. If I wait until it's mostly gray, then it will be obvious where I stopped dying. I'm still playing with the idea of using semi permanent dye until I'm older and ready to be gray, but for now I'm just leaving it alone.

I did the same thing with demi's for several months before I took the plunge. It did give me an extra inch or so with a much softer color. It didn't help much with the actual grow out for me as the rest of my hair was colored pretty dark and my roots where screamin' silver. You are right, depending on the contrast, that line can be really hard to deal with. LOL, when I decided to quit I was way past the point of subtle anything regarding a grow out. I did know that I wanted to grow my hair long and there was no way I was spending years growing it out, then to be faced with either chopping it off or another 4 years with crazy looking hair, while it all grew out......

Guess I rambled on with all that to say that I think you are wise to think about a game plan for an exit strategy , if that's how you think you are leaning. For me it's all water under the bridge now, but man o' man there were days I regretted waiting as long as I did when I was in the middle of all that. :p

Peggy E.
February 1st, 2014, 10:24 AM
I have never colored my hair, which began to grey in my 40's.

this culture does have an unhealthy obsession with youth, but boomers have made an impact on every age through which we've progressed, and passing through our middle and senior years will be no different.

I think this is probably why we are beginning to see more gray/white/salt & pepper appearing in advertising and other formats which influence social opinions. media is turning the once dreaded head of gray hair into one that is to be appreciated for its beauty. those bearing these locks are also represented as healthy, active and sexy.

there's no denying that the budlike blush of youth is a precious gift to enjoy, but every age of life holds its own unique gem of beauty to be nurtured and appreciated - moving from one to the next should not be done in dread, the progression fought tooth-and-nail, but embraced for the adventure of the beauty and grace that lies ahead.

my opinion, of course.

Migranny
February 1st, 2014, 10:39 AM
I enjoyed reading that, Thank you!

bibijay
February 2nd, 2014, 10:59 AM
Have found such a great inspiring photo for those of us battling the pressure against grey/gray hair! Will try to post it now (newbie clutz alert!) - if it works, its a photo from the New York Times,January 25, 2013, tag line 'Flaunting their gray hair, whether short or long: Cindy Joseph, third from left, and Dianna Jewell, fourth from left, organized a "Silver Sisters Strut" last fall in Times Square.'
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2013/01/25/booming/25gray-booming1/25gray-booming1-articleLarge.jpg

I admit, Cindy Joseph is a model, and we can't all look that glamorous, but think it shows that looking cool, sexy and stylish doesn't mean dying your hair or hiding your grey.

Sterlyn
February 2nd, 2014, 11:11 AM
I have never colored my hair, which began to grey in my 40's.

this culture does have an unhealthy obsession with youth, but boomers have made an impact on every age through which we've progressed, and passing through our middle and senior years will be no different.

I think this is probably why we are beginning to see more gray/white/salt & pepper appearing in advertising and other formats which influence social opinions. media is turning the once dreaded head of gray hair into one that is to be appreciated for its beauty. those bearing these locks are also represented as healthy, active and sexy.

there's no denying that the budlike blush of youth is a precious gift to enjoy, but every age of life holds its own unique gem of beauty to be nurtured and appreciated - moving from one to the next should not be done in dread, the progression fought tooth-and-nail, but embraced for the adventure of the beauty and grace that lies ahead.

my opinion, of course.

Peggy E, I just wanted to say that I liked what you said and agree with it, wholeheartedly. :)

Caldonia Sun
February 2nd, 2014, 11:29 AM
Great article, bibijay!

Wildcat Diva
February 2nd, 2014, 12:06 PM
I think the idea of growing it out is really great. And yes, you could try cassia or henna or something else, even dye, later on if you don't like it. I mean you could always grow it out naturally, and then dye it later if you hated it. And I think that growing it out might be easier without the challenge of dealing with dye.

cloudcatcher
February 8th, 2014, 02:42 AM
A couple of years ago, I stripped out the color I'd been putting in my hair for a few years as my hairdresser kept cutting my hair shorter and shorter as I got older. Then I let it grow out white and it is at 25 inches from forehead to BSL, almost waist. People actually would come up to me and touch my hair and I got a lot of attention, but women my own age thought I was older and people kept saying things like, "Well, my mother...." so I knew I was reminding people of their mothers! I didn't like it. So, I used a very translucent demi-color that I just adore. It's a Clairol Pro product called Radiance gloss treatment and is just like Natural Instincts used to be before they changed the formula. I used to use 9N in Natural Instincts and was happy with it, then I quit using it as I hated the gel when they changed the formula. I hated the two process color then highlight thing the hairdresser did. God, talk about damage. And the stuff from Whole Foods, herbal color, left my hair a crispy mess when I used a white enhancer color.

The Clairol gloss color is a demi-permanent, very transparent, so my almost pure white hair still comes up as several shades of neutral blonde when I use 8N. I oil it every night on the ends and put a bit of conditioner, too, and put it up in ubuntu curls with octopus clips for soft waves. I look a LOT younger. I haven't had this color since my twenties and I love it. I gradually went silver from dark ash blonde and then to white at 50. Now, it's a nice varying color of neutral blonde again, so goes with my skin tones. The color gloss is mixed with a special developer that goes with it and it would be very easy to add other colors to it. Anyway, I don't miss my white/gray hair. People were always saying, "You have such YOUNG LOOKING SKIN!" If my skin is that young looking, then maybe my hair should not look like my grandma's did in her 80s. As my mother says, "A little hair color and makeup can do a lot for a woman." I used to scorn that advice. NOT anymore. She is absolutely right. I may BE old, but I don't have to LOOK old. On the other hand, when it was blonde and silver, it looked naturally highlighted, so I didn't touch it. I didn't mind being the lady with the silver hair, but I didn't like being the lady with the white hair!

PS: For even color, I always use a neutral protein filler and the drabber drops from Sally's when I color. I could highlight a little, but the translucency of the product seems to be doing it for me.

cloudcatcher
February 8th, 2014, 02:45 AM
Wildcat Diva said: "I think the idea of growing it out is really great. And yes, you could try cassia or henna or something else, even dye, later on if you don't like it. I mean you could always grow it out naturally, and then dye it later if you hated it. And I think that growing it out might be easier without the challenge of dealing with dye."

That was true for me. It grew fast.

Sterlyn
February 8th, 2014, 03:03 PM
A couple of years ago, I stripped out the color I'd been putting in my hair for a few years as my hairdresser kept cutting my hair shorter and shorter as I got older. Then I let it grow out white and it is at 25 inches from forehead to BSL, almost waist. People actually would come up to me and touch my hair and I got a lot of attention, but women my own age thought I was older and people kept saying things like, "Well, my mother...." so I knew I was reminding people of their mothers! I didn't like it. So, I used a very translucent demi-color that I just adore. It's a Clairol Pro product called Radiance gloss treatment and is just like Natural Instincts used to be before they changed the formula. I used to use 9N in Natural Instincts and was happy with it, then I quit using it as I hated the gel when they changed the formula. I hated the two process color then highlight thing the hairdresser did. God, talk about damage. And the stuff from Whole Foods, herbal color, left my hair a crispy mess when I used a white enhancer color.

The Clairol gloss color is a demi-permanent, very transparent, so my almost pure white hair still comes up as several shades of neutral blonde when I use 8N. I oil it every night on the ends and put a bit of conditioner, too, and put it up in ubuntu curls with octopus clips for soft waves. I look a LOT younger. I haven't had this color since my twenties and I love it. I gradually went silver from dark ash blonde and then to white at 50. Now, it's a nice varying color of neutral blonde again, so goes with my skin tones. The color gloss is mixed with a special developer that goes with it and it would be very easy to add other colors to it. Anyway, I don't miss my white/gray hair. People were always saying, "You have such YOUNG LOOKING SKIN!" If my skin is that young looking, then maybe my hair should not look like my grandma's did in her 80s. As my mother says, "A little hair color and makeup can do a lot for a woman." I used to scorn that advice. NOT anymore. She is absolutely right. I may BE old, but I don't have to LOOK old. On the other hand, when it was blonde and silver, it looked naturally highlighted, so I didn't touch it. I didn't mind being the lady with the silver hair, but I didn't like being the lady with the white hair!

PS: For even color, I always use a neutral protein filler and the drabber drops from Sally's when I color. I could highlight a little, but the translucency of the product seems to be doing it for me.


I am glad that you have found a color that you love, I think that is really what this hair color debate is all about (or should be), that your hair makes you happy and feel good about yourself.

As you can see from my avatar, I do indeed have color that is more frequently seen on someone in their 70 or 80's. I came to grips with people misjudging my age because of it a while back and am not bothered by it, I figure it goes with the territory. I was mistaken for being in my 60's this summer (I was 47 at the time) by several sweet ladies in their mid to late 80's, however they also thought I looked great and had the most beautiful skin for my age ;)...... I did not hear any of the actual conversation, as it happened at my friends hair salon, I stopped by to chat with my friend and these gals were there, she told me about it after the fact. I was not bothered by this in the least and thought it was sorta funny, my friend did not think it was funny and was actually kind of aggravated by it. She is in her 60's, and colors her hair, and is a hairstylist by profession. I think it bothered her that what I was doing (or not doing) to my hair was causing people to judge us as the same age. I could have cared less, and told her, "hey they thought I had beautiful skin for my age, doesn't really matter what that number is".

While I completely respect your feelings about your own hair color, I have to respectfully disagree that silver/white hair automatically makes someone look old. Yes those women misjudged my age, but they thought I was attractive and commented as such, my hair color did not take away from my perceived attractiveness to them, it added to it. Yes having this color at my age does cause confusion for people regarding how old I actually am, but I'm ok with it. To state that silver/white makes someone look old out of hand, is just falling back into the "white fright" stereotypes talked about in the original article. Some women (men too) look great with their natural color and I guess I am lucky that my natural color does go well with my skin tone, but I am not the only one. And I would disagree with the last part of your mother's statement, not everyone needs hair color, I think my own color does indeed do "a lot for me" and I'm grateful that it does, because it is so much easier than my previous routine.

heidi w.
February 8th, 2014, 04:45 PM
Your gray hair is beautiful. Part of it is white, which is lovely.
heidi w.

LaReineJaguar
February 8th, 2014, 04:48 PM
I think gray hair is really pretty!

dulce
February 9th, 2014, 10:20 AM
I so agree with Sterlyn,very well said.Gray does NOT automatically make everyone look old or drab..it can be very sexy,check out Yasmina Rossi and many of the other 60 year old long silver haired models in the fashion industry today[more examples-Pia Gronning,Alex B]Dye doesn't hide age.I can spot a dyed head from across a room easily,and dye with white roots showing is not my cup of tea[anymore].Those white roots grow back so fast and just really stick out even if they are small.Your weight,skin condition,how you dress will age you faster than gray hair in my opinion.I dyed from 30 to 55 and now wish I hadn't bothered,a lot of time and money wasted plus it thinned my hair out badly,which did not thicken up till I stopped all dyes.But not everyone will feel the way some of us do ,so the hair dye industry will continue to thrive especially with beauty salons trying to scare us into colouring.When I announced some 4 or 5 years ago that I was going to grow my hair long and go silver at my salon,2 stylists ganged up on me at the same time telling me how old and unfashioneable it would look and how my skin was so good,so why would I want to go gray.I had a dyed,thinning pixie at the time. So glad I listened to hubbie and not them,now I'm silver streaked with butt crack length thick long hair cut in a layered v which I absolutely love..As a dyed pixie ,no-one ever gave me a 2nd glance but now even 30 year old guys will comment positively on my hair .There are some who hate my hair,but overall,I do get a lot of positive comments.So do what makes you happy,whether it is dye or go natural but realize blanket statements like gray hair ages everyone and won't look nice are incorrect.It is a widely held belief by the general public because it is actually promoted heavily by salons and the beauty hair industry.Fighting gray is an absolutely wonderful money maker for them so of course they won't promote gray.

bibijay
February 10th, 2014, 07:55 AM
Hello again! Am reading the comments here with great interest and personal involvement! My grey is now really starting to show, particularly at he front and, for some reason, the underneath layers. Both these parts are white-silver, which looks ok at the front, but on the underneath layers makes me look a bit balding when I put my hair up, which is not a great look! I am hoping this will not be the case when the white roots don't contrast with the dark blonde ends, but we'll see. Roots on top are more steely grey.
I have had several close calls with losing my resolution. I actually made an appointment to have my roots done, but cancelled it in the end! Am worried about a family wedding in May, by which time I will be very much 2 tone, and still dabbling with the idea of a few silver hi lights or darker lo lights to ease into the grey. I think lo lights might drag the growing out as, at the moment, because hairdresser over bleached my hair, it's really quite light blonde. This actually makes the grey roots a bit less noticeable, and I think lo lights could work against this.
I understand the points about grey being ageing, I worry about it, I don't want to be mistaken for hubby's mother! And I am 5 years younger than him already! But I also have a group of women friends my age who have all gone grey and all look fab. One in particular is beautiful and sexy, grey hair and all, and it's because she's fit, lively, and youthful. The grey hair does sort of announce you're no longer a girl, but it doesn't need to make you feel any less of a woman!
I will try to post some pics of my roots in the next days, and meanwhile will try to hold on to my resolve. I cannot swear I will do it! I want to, but it is scary! Seems like a big thing, silly though it is.

dulce
February 10th, 2014, 09:55 AM
I understand ,my white came in underneath too,when I do a high halfup it looks a bit odd as it's so white on top,so to even the ''look ''out ,I gently add a bit of gray powder eyeshadow with a thin brush to add some delicate thin darker streaks of gray.It works like a charm! Just takes a few seconds and it lasts till you wash it out.I am white in the bangs with white side streaks and a few streaks on top,plus light ash brown mainly in the back but white underneath so all the under white shows if I do a French twist,high bun or high half up.Have grown used to my streaky,silvery hair and now buy hair toys to accent my multi coloured silvery look .The ivory Tokyo acetate ficcare looks especially awesome with this type of hair colouring[Bibijay]..I think it's fun to look different from the salon goers! Heck,I couldn't even gray evenly but I was so sick of constant gray roots and thinning hair due to the dye that I knew no matter what I'd never go back to dye and my hubbie loves the long silver streaked hair.

dulce
February 10th, 2014, 10:02 AM
A hat for the wedding would solve your problem if you decide to tough it out.

dulce
February 10th, 2014, 10:07 AM
Instead of ''gray'' which has such a negative media image,think of it as a silvery blonde,that is actually more accurate as the colour gray is such a monotone flat colour and most people's ''gray'' hair is definitely not monotone but more variegated, and not flat but sparkly.

dulce
February 10th, 2014, 10:16 AM
The media/beauty industry portrays gray as old and dowdy so a lot of people have bought into that.A lot of women gray in their 30's but dye to hide it till they are much older.So it is not only old ladies who have gray.As more women of all ages start to learn to like silver and see it's potential,only then will the beauty industry/salon dowdy gray image change.How many older women[past 50] have really long gray hair?Not many as they are all brainwashed that it is innapropriate,the exact same thing that has happened to gray hair.And it's all just to make millions of dollars,that's what makes me mad.Women should be able to have different choices but because of all the negative propaganda they feel they can't.

chen bao jun
February 10th, 2014, 02:11 PM
Dulce, I loved reading your story. I never realized you had had a dyed pixie, I'm so glad you decided to go natural. I love looking at your photos, your hair is so stunning.
I also don't think dyed hair makes a woman look younger. And I also think its just a mass-marketing thing. I happen to be a slow grey-er with almost entirely black hair still naturally at age 57, but it doesn't make me look as if I were 20 years old! I still look like an older lady, albeit one with black hair. Also, I realized a few years back that all my friends had been assuming I dyed my hair anyway! They are all so shocked when we're in a situation (camping, a women's retreat or something) when they realize it is is not dyed! So here we have a situation where (almost) everyone is dyeing their hair and everyone knows everyone else is doing it and so what really is the point? Who is fooled? AND it's expensive and as Dulce says, it makes your hair thin. All these ladies are thinking menopause is thinning their hair and its actually hair dye. As I found out when my maternal grandmother stopped dyeing her hair after thirty years and suddenly all this THICK (gorgeous) white hair as opposed to thinning black hair.
I understand it makes a difference when seeking a job and there are also ladies whose husbands don't want them to grey and I understand that, too. But I do basically think its silly and usually doesn't make you look younger and/or better (not that younger is necessarily better). I don't intend to dye mine when it comes in, especially as I am allergic to everything and would probably go bald or something, not just thinner. but of course in the end, its a personal choice.
My black hair doesn't look half as nice as Dulce's silver.

dulce
February 10th, 2014, 04:40 PM
Aaw,thanks Chen but your lovely thick hair is gorgeous too!It's such a shame women are treated this way by salons,being afraid to show their gray due to the salon proganda against gray hair and also afraid to have gray ,long hair, that still makes me mad.

Beborani
February 10th, 2014, 04:56 PM
Is it just salons though? In India nearly all middle class women AND men have been dyeing their hair black since my parents' generation started greying (70-80 yrs old) with basic home dye. There were very few salons when I was younger and most older women dont visit them. My mother is one of few who doesnt and has naturally darker hair and I maybe inheriting that that but everyone assumes I dye my hair anyway. Henna is also popular amongst some men and women in India and they have probably been hennaing for even longer though flaming red hair is dead giveaway amongst dark-haired population! But black haired older men and women dont look young at all I agree.

dulce
February 10th, 2014, 05:02 PM
When I decided to gray ,decided I would ,no matter how it looked.I had a medium skin tone with a bit of gold or warm tones in the skin so for years when I was a teen and 20's and 30's, had long, light brown hair and blonde highlights-beachy type of colouring so expected cool white,silver hair to look awful on me.But surprisingly the silver mixed colours I got look good.Mother nature really does know best.The gray that comes in will match your skin.Just make sure you don't judge it ,if there is still some dye left in the hair,that fools the eye and you can't really see your true gray colour till all the dye is cut off.

dulce
February 10th, 2014, 05:06 PM
In north America salons rule,in India,it may be a cultural thing,but either way it's a shame that so much pressure is put on older women to have to look a certain way,so wrong in my book.

Beborani
February 11th, 2014, 01:22 PM
In north America salons rule,in India,it may be a cultural thing,but either way it's a shame that so much pressure is put on older women to have to look a certain way,so wrong in my book.

If anything it is anti-cultural in india as you are expected to age gracefully in traditional culture--this impulse is mostly to look younger which might work on a greying 30 yr old but absurd on 65 year or 75 yr old. My point is that salons maybe contributing to this but they are feeding that basic human impulse to fight ageing.

Kwantslonghair
February 11th, 2014, 02:20 PM
I see a lot of blond in it yet...looks like if you do let it go grey it will be a pretty color of grey....I color mine but only do my roots every so often...I use the same color so I dont put any on my other length...I run it thru just before I rinse it out...it seems to give my roots a little lift too

hairpleasegrow
February 11th, 2014, 03:20 PM
I'm so against salons and the dependance they create for people to keep going back. I wish i had found the alternative ...the LHC years ago. I think your hair looks equally beautiful either way, but I think it would be worth a try to grow it grey. Why not?! take the less expensive alternative! If you dont like it when you get to your desired length, then maybe consider dying it. i say give your pocketbook and your hair a break. i bet you will inspire lots of your friends to do the same. there is something very sexy about people who embrace themselves at any age i find these people to be more youthful....also hair length is associated with youth or so some say (i did not make that up i read it somewhere) :)

UP Lisa
February 12th, 2014, 11:06 AM
I think you need to consider your coloring. Some people look great in Gray. Others do not. Generally those with "Cool" coloring look best with Gray hair in my opinion.

bibijay
February 19th, 2014, 08:38 AM
Ooer! Hairdresser appointment for Friday week, as I really badly need a trim. Much as I'd like to grow it without cutting too much length, the damage from last colouring is pretty bad, and I need an inch off the ends. Am nervous as hairdresser always pushes me to colour, plus it's now reached the ugly 2 tone stage - grey roots an inch to 2 inches long, then faded yellow mid lengths and ends!! Daughter disapproves, and auntie says maybe I should colour, everywhere I look all the women have dyed hair, so I feel a bit of social pressure!
Nevertheless I think I want to keep with the grey and hope it will be silver. Am hoping it will look good with my olive complexion and dark eyes. I don't know if I agree about cool complexions and grey UP Lisa - I always think italian and American Indian complexions look good with silver hair?! Also I've never felt right as a blonde but had to go that way cos brown against 100% grey was too much upkeep.
Anyway I wish this blimmin 2 tone in between stage would hurry up, And I wish my hair didn't grow so slowly!

dulce
February 19th, 2014, 08:49 AM
I have an olive complexion and dark brown eyes and I'm pleased at how my gray looks on me.Remember people end up with different shades of gray which is unique to them,it's not like box dye where everyone looks the same.Be careful of salons,the pressure will be enormous ,I stopped going and now cut my hair at home .I get cuts that are not cut shorter than I asked for plus no pressure to cut short and dye..You have to decide what you want then be strong.Everywhere I look most women are dyed and those that aren't are gray and very short.At 61,no-one in my area has hip plus length hair and silver...

bibijay
February 19th, 2014, 09:31 AM
Thanks Dulce once again for the pep talk. I am scared! I periodically almost cave in and then I get my resolve back, but honestly don't know if I will see it through till the awful 2 tone dye line is gone. Have dabbled with getting high/lowlights or using cassia to blend the line, but worry it's just prolonging the problem. Sometimes feel tempted to have a crew cut! But I have a huge hooter so not a great look on me!
Dulce I meant to ask you where you got the lovely blue sparkly hair ornament you're wearing in one of the pics you posted on this thread? Thank you!

dulce
February 19th, 2014, 10:25 AM
It's a lilla rose special of the month flexi 8 clip.I did the highlights temporarily at the beginning,I didn't see it as prolonging the time for me,it just blended everything so I could keep my hair length and keep transitioning.If I hadn't done that,no way could I have looked at that dye line for years .And cutting was not an option for me,so anything that made it easier for me was ok in my book.Your hair is close to what mine was in the dyed colour,if your hair is the length shown in your avatar,then it will be transitioned in little over a year..My advice is to do some thin subtle highlights a few times[less each time] to blend everything ,then just grow out the highlights,you keep your length and end up with the fashioneable ombre look which is pretty and so easy to grow out.The ombre looks great with our lighter hair, blends super well with the silver,I was actually was sad when mine was slowly trimmed off and gone over time.There is no need to cut very short in many cases, just to go gray superfast , in my opinion, then still have to grow it[length] all back again later,seems counter productive to me .But most do it that way.