I'm so angry. I hate my hair.

[Kome]

I'm so tired of getting in "manic" moods and doing something stupid to my hair. I hope someone else understands this. I always do something stupid with my hair when I'm in a "good" mood. This last time I bleached my whole head, but only for like 10 minutes, thinking it wouldn't do that much damage. Well... I had to cut off several inches. My hair was perfect. It was silky and happy and beautiful and now it's ugly and frizzy and poofy and always tangles... and SHORTER. I went from TBL to above Waist. I hate it! I hate my hair so much now. I have a shaved side, and then a shaved side growing out, and effed up bangs that I am trying to grow out. I just want it all one length and healthy. I don't usually regret doing things to my hair and can handle the strange things I do, but this last time I just effed everything up. SO unhappy. I feel like I should shave my whole head and just start over. I'm really upset, I know, but I dunno what else to do. I just henna'd again and I still feel like it looks like crap. The ends are so dry and thin and to fix it I'd have to cut off like another four inches and I just can't do it. I need some comfort. I want to cry. :(

[LauraLongLocks]

I probably don't fully understand, but I'm sorry you are unhappy with what you did to your hair.

When I get that boredom with my hair that makes me want to cut, or do something damaging, I try to learn a new hairstyle. I've been thinking of doing a streak of some demi-permanent color in my bangs for a very long time, about 2.5 years. I haven't done it yet. I thought about cutting bangs for about 2 years before I did it. So, I guess I'm not quite as impulsive.

[windyballoons]

Hey, that's hard to cope with. But take a deep breath!

I think if your hair is in really rough shape, then just let it be for a little while. Anything you do to it right now will just make it worse. You made changes when you were manic, and you regret them- don't make more changes now that you're upset! Deep condition your hair, wrap it up in a tshirt and stop looking at it!

Don't blame yourself for hair mistakes you made when you were manic. When you're manic, you're sick- it's not your fault! Be kind to yourself!

When you want to make changes to your hair, try imposing a waiting time limit on yourself. It sounds like you want it to be better now and you keep trying to find ways to make that happen. Well- it won't happen. I'm sorry, but your hair is messed up and the only way you can fix it is wait for the damage to grow out, just like waiting for a wound to heal. I'm not sure if you will be able to follow that rule when you're manic- you know your condition better than me. Is there someone who could help you?

In the meantime, if looking at your hair upsets you, can you afford to invest in a headcovering of some sort or a wig?

One more thought- is there other stuff going on in your life that you're taking out on your hair?

I know this must be really frustrating for you. But you will get through it. I hope you feel better soon.

[wrh452]

I have the same exact problem. I know that with me, nothing helps except time. It has been about 4 months since my last manic freak out and I am on meds now and feeling better about it. Just try to baby it with oiling and wear it up so you don't have to look at it.

[Yozhik]

First of all, :grouphug:

It'll all be all right - don't worry about doing anything else right now with it. I'd drink a nice hot beverage and sit down and just try to relax. Get a good night's sleep and then try to objectively think about what you want with your hair goals next.

It might also help your impulsiveness and regret cycle if you can figure out what kind of thinking/behavior makes you want to do drastic changes. :flower:

It'll all be all right - I know you are really upset right now, but this, too, shall pass! :flowers:

[Kome]

Hey, that's hard to cope with. But take a deep breath!

I think if your hair is in really rough shape, then just let it be for a little while. Anything you do to it right now will just make it worse. You made changes when you were manic, and you regret them- don't make more changes now that you're upset! Deep condition your hair, wrap it up in a tshirt and stop looking at it!

Don't blame yourself for hair mistakes you made when you were manic. When you're manic, you're sick- it's not your fault! Be kind to yourself!

When you want to make changes to your hair, try imposing a waiting time limit on yourself. It sounds like you want it to be better now and you keep trying to find ways to make that happen. Well- it won't happen. I'm sorry, but your hair is messed up and the only way you can fix it is wait for the damage to grow out, just like waiting for a wound to heal. I'm not sure if you will be able to follow that rule when you're manic- you know your condition better than me. Is there someone who could help you?

In the meantime, if looking at your hair upsets you, can you afford to invest in a headcovering of some sort or a wig?

One more thought- is there other stuff going on in your life that you're taking out on your hair?

I know this must be really frustrating for you. But you will get through it. I hope you feel better soon.

All good thoughts. I try and keep it in a braid a lot. I just feel fed up with it right now. I probably do take things out on my hair a lot. I'm just tired of having to wear it up. I'm so tempted to cut more off because I hate how it feels on the bottom, but I know I'll regret it. Being patient is not something I'm very good at. And it's probably not as bad as I think it is. I'm just really obsessive about my hair. Bleh. Thanks for the ideas.

[Kome]

First of all, :grouphug:

It'll all be all right - don't worry about doing anything else right now with it. I'd drink a nice hot beverage and sit down and just try to relax. Get a good night's sleep and then try to objectively think about what you want with your hair goals next.

It might also help your impulsiveness and regret cycle if you can figure out what kind of thinking/behavior makes you want to do drastic changes. :flower:

It'll all be all right - I know you are really upset right now, but this, too, shall pass! :flowers:

Thank you. I will try and just oil it and braid it again tonight. I trimmed a bit off last night because I just couldn't stand it. *sigh* I guess I'll just braid it every day for the next year? Heh. :P

[spidermom]

Why not just go get a great new haircut? It can do so much for your morale.

[windyballoons]

It's ok to be fed up, irritated, and frustrated with your hair sometimes- that's normal! I also get sick of wearing braids all the time, lol. I don't blame you. Patience is hard, especially in our culture of "now". So, hugs to you!

[HintOfMint]

I completely understand manic moods and wanting to make big, extreme changes when you're happy as opposed to unhappy. With a handful of exceptions, I've toyed with cutting my hair pixie short when my confidence was at an all time high and I thought I could pull off anything. My friends had to talk me out of it (and good!). I've also toyed with rose gold highlights, ombre dye... etc., also when I was quite happy.

Fortunately, I have a cheap and lazy streak that prevents all of these ideas from coming into fruition. I'm sorry your manic spell didn't result in a good outcome. :( It will grow out with time, and some TLC can go a long way.

[RedNymph]

Girl preach. I'm trying to grow out an awful haircut, all uneven and ugh....One thing I relied on is hair gel and ponytails, I needed to get my hair off my face.

[Lilybeany]

Poor angel. I too have bi popar to name but a few things. Add in pms to that and well I have had my fair share of say we say devastating hair times. It was around your age that it peaked too. All I did was accept that my mood was to blame and try and have a plan for the next time. I got some good looking wigs and clip on pieces and that worked.Sometimes I just rocked my cut or colour with brash confidence and smiled at my self knowing it would grow back.Im nearly 48 and moods have settled a bit and I have waist bleached cut.I grew this from a black bob. Black long hair was a bad day as was bleaching it back and having to chop.But I grew it back. Sending you a cuddle..Sleep on it..put on best face and clothes and start over.

[monsoonstorm]

Poor angel. I too have bi popar to name but a few things. Add in pms to that and well I have had my fair share of say we say devastating hair times. It was around your age that it peaked too. All I did was accept that my mood was to blame and try and have a plan for the next time. I got some good looking wigs and clip on pieces and that worked.Sometimes I just rocked my cut or colour with brash confidence and smiled at my self knowing it would grow back.Im nearly 48 and moods have settled a bit and I have waist bleached cut.I grew this from a black bob. Black long hair was a bad day as was bleaching it back and having to chop.But I grew it back. Sending you a cuddle..Sleep on it..put on best face and clothes and start over.

This is good advice. Perhaps when you start to feel manic, start wearing the wigs more then? Go crazy, dye them all sorts of colours and just go wild that way? Or maybe get some Manic Panic type dyes in advance, then if you feel the urge to get creative on your own hair, go that route instead?

Try not to be too harsh on yourself, I know it's gutting, especially in the depression that generally follows mania, but in the grand scheme of things there are much more destructive things that could have happened during mania. Hair will grow again. (Little consolation, I know)

[Kome]

Thanks guys. I have my bangs reserved for any hair craziness. I dunno why I overstepped my rules for my hair this last time. I blame a new medicine I started. This was a few months ago. Anyways, it's not important now. I just have to be patient. Maybe I'll do more french braids. Those are pretty. I like the idea of wigs at some point. That would be fun. Thanks for the advice guys. :)

[spidermom]

By the way, by a great new haircut, I meant something that maintains as much of the length as possible but gives it shape so that you feel pretty when you look at it.

[lapushka]

Well... no use crying over spilled milk. I mean, what's done is done. All you can do now is baby your hair as much as possible, and most importantly let it grow. Make sure you hide or even get rid of your scissors, in case you make another stupid move. :( Don't get me wrong, I take this seriously. Getting manic in the medical sense is serious and you often can't help yourself, but take it out on something else next time, a cute new outfit (go buy something like a cute scarf, sweater, ...), or something like that. Or take it out on the hairtoy section on Etsy!

[Kome]

Well... no use crying over spilled milk. I mean, what's done is done. All you can do now is baby your hair as much as possible, and most importantly let it grow. Make sure you hide or even get rid of your scissors, in case you make another stupid move. :( Don't get me wrong, I take this seriously. Getting manic in the medical sense is serious and you often can't help yourself, but take it out on something else next time, a cute new outfit (go buy something like a cute scarf, sweater, ...), or something like that. Or take it out on the hairtoy section on Etsy!

Hair toy section on Etsy sounds good... hehe. I could make a new hairtoy! I'll figure something out. Hiding the scissors sounds like a good plan... lol. Thanks.

[LaurelSpring]

I have done impulsive things that I regret. The best thing you can do is really remember how this feels so you can know how you will feel if you get an urge to do it again. That is the only way I was able to stop and it took quite a few times for me to figure it out and remember. I still do things on a smaller level (like fringe or layers) and I still get upset and have to learn and remember again. It will take at least a year or more to grow out my last impulsive layering/chopping.

[monsoonstorm]

Well... no use crying over spilled milk. I mean, what's done is done. All you can do now is baby your hair as much as possible, and most importantly let it grow. Make sure you hide or even get rid of your scissors, in case you make another stupid move. :( Don't get me wrong, I take this seriously. Getting manic in the medical sense is serious and you often can't help yourself, but take it out on something else next time, a cute new outfit (go buy something like a cute scarf, sweater, ...), or something like that. Or take it out on the hairtoy section on Etsy!

If you are doing this, I suggest linking a disposable credit card with a set limit.

I'm sure a 2k credit card bill will be regretted just as much as a hair cut. Debt can grow, just like hair =\ I'm not sure that encouraging spending in a manic person is a good idea. Fairly often people in manic phase can rack up thousands of dollars worth of bills in a very small amount of time. At least in a store you can possibly get refunds, but on etsy/ebay that is a lot less likely, and even if a refund was allowed, then you have the issue of postage and all of the money you have to spend there.

Do you recognise when you are manic? Is it likely to happen again or was the last one med induced? If you can recognise it it may help you actually put a plan into action.

[spidermom]

If you are doing this, I suggest linking a disposable credit card with a set limit.

I'm sure a 2k credit card bill will be regretted just as much as a hair cut. Debt can grow, just like hair =\ I'm not sure that encouraging spending in a manic person is a good idea. Fairly often people in manic phase can rack up thousands of dollars worth of bills in a very small amount of time. At least in a store you can possibly get refunds, but on etsy/ebay that is a lot less likely, and even if a refund was allowed, then you have the issue of postage and all of the money you have to spend there.

Do you recognise when you are manic? Is it likely to happen again or was the last one med induced? If you can recognise it it may help you actually put a plan into action.

Good point!

[heidi w.]

Next time you think you want to change it, hit the pause button, and think about this time and how you feel. THEN decide. I would oil the length only. It'll help with moisture and a bit of shine too. Just hit the pause button. You have to learn to take it easy.
heidi w.

[redtuss]

I had the same manic mood-fits as OP when I was younger! Always messing with my hair colour and style :) At the moment I didn't want long hair so it wasn't as important for me but I still get the urges nowadays but they're easier to ignore :)
It will get better!

Try to do something nice instead, like an SMT-treatment, a scalp massage-session with lovely oils and letting the hair soak a good while, try to learn a new braid or bun style that you don't know or just do a 100 (!) strokes with a BBB instead! That should keep you occupied for a while and not harm your hair :) Or put in some non-permament colour like Manic Panic if you want to play around with colour.
Or even try to experiment with make-up instead of your hair?

If you have a hair dresser you trust you could always try and get it a new style that you love so much you don't want to mess it up, it might help!

Edit
BTW - do you sleep alright or do these fits come late at night/in the middle of the night?
I used to get the worst "cravings" late or in the dead of night when I was young. I shaved my entire head about 3 in the morning once (but it was a great style for me so it wasn't necessarily a bad choice - I loved it!) so it surely can get worse at nights.

If you do have trouble sleeping I would absolutely suggest you try and get that taken care of, try to be strict about getting to bed and taking the time for your sleep. The bedroom, if possible, should be a place for strictly sleeping, not watching telly, not being on the computer, not talking on the phone or texting or using the phone to browse the internet. Just sleeping.
If you are still living with your parents or only have one room of your own try to make the bed your holy place for sleeping, you could put up some curtains/fabric around it so it's covered from distractions/temptations.

And if you can't fall asleep, get up and do something relaxing without turning the lights on to max - get a glass of water/milk, eat a banana, give yourself a face massage and a rinse, floss or brush your teeth again extra carefully, read a few chapters in a book or write something.
Don't use the computer though, it is a time-consumer and the light of the screen affects the brain so that it gets even harder to fall asleep!

Good routines, as boring as they might sounds, are actually very important.

[cranberrymoonz]

*hug* Sounds awfull, but It'll be allright! You just need to focus on something else for now. Put it up and out of the way and leave it for a few weeks. Then see if you still want to cut it. Try to see things in perspective: it's only hair. There are worse things;)

[Firefox7275]

Maybe in future invoke the two week rule, run strand tests on shed plug hole hair when you run the skin patch test, cut layers or bangs or length in stages not one big chop.

[bekahleigh]

I fight the urges to change my hair quite regularly. I used to give in to it, and hate my hair for months until I did something new and hated that too. It's tough stuff, and it sucks your so unhappy with it right now. But it will grow, and you'll work on fighting the manic moods, and it will all work out :)