View Full Version : Coping through the bad hair days
blue_eyes
November 20th, 2013, 09:22 AM
And I don't mean just the odd day where your hair doesn't cooperate :P I mean, how have you motivated yourself to keep working towards your goal, even when your hair looks like a shredded rats nest & you'd shave it if you didn't have to leave your house for the next 2 years. Do you have a photo of your dream hair that you keep for inspiration? Do you tell yourself one day it will all be worth it? Do you just wear it up and forget about it?
My hair looks like such a mess due to huge amounts of breakage. I'd cut it all to shoulder length, but at this point that wouldn't solve my problem because some of the broken sections are much shorter than shoulder right now. I'm trying to stick out the next several months until everything is shoulder or longer, and then I'll probably have to cut it. Since my goal is waist I find this very discouraging :( I just want to know how anyone growing out a disaster has dealt with the situation.
florenonite
November 20th, 2013, 09:43 AM
Have you considered trimming off your new growth every month? Sometimes with damage even removing 1/2" at a time can make it a lot more manageable.
Other than that, doing something like an SMT (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=128) and wearing it up to prevent further damage may help.
abauer789
November 20th, 2013, 09:56 AM
And I don't mean just the odd day where your hair doesn't cooperate :P I mean, how have you motivated yourself to keep working towards your goal, even when your hair looks like a shredded rats nest & you'd shave it if you didn't have to leave your house for the next 2 years. Do you have a photo of your dream hair that you keep for inspiration? Do you tell yourself one day it will all be worth it? Do you just wear it up and forget about it?
My hair looks like such a mess due to huge amounts of breakage. I'd cut it all to shoulder length, but at this point that wouldn't solve my problem because some of the broken sections are much shorter than shoulder right now. I'm trying to stick out the next several months until everything is shoulder or longer, and then I'll probably have to cut it. Since my goal is waist I find this very discouraging :( I just want to know how anyone growing out a disaster has dealt with the situation.
I am right there with you!!! Mine is grown out to below the ear and I so desperately want it to be at about my shoulders to chop it off and be done with the damage! I have been growing it out for a year last month...this is really hard. I am in a funk lately. I have been going in and out of a hair funk all year!! At least we are not alone! :o
abauer789
November 20th, 2013, 10:20 AM
And I don't mean just the odd day where your hair doesn't cooperate :P I mean, how have you motivated yourself to keep working towards your goal, even when your hair looks like a shredded rats nest & you'd shave it if you didn't have to leave your house for the next 2 years. Do you have a photo of your dream hair that you keep for inspiration? Do you tell yourself one day it will all be worth it? Do you just wear it up and forget about it?
My hair looks like such a mess due to huge amounts of breakage. I'd cut it all to shoulder length, but at this point that wouldn't solve my problem because some of the broken sections are much shorter than shoulder right now. I'm trying to stick out the next several months until everything is shoulder or longer, and then I'll probably have to cut it. Since my goal is waist I find this very discouraging :( I just want to know how anyone growing out a disaster has dealt with the situation.
Its me again...I guess I didn't answer your question on coping mechanisms! Obviously I don't really have any so I am happy to hear what others have to say. Mostly I try to baby my hair and get it trimmed fairly regularly. I really like my natural color (which is what my goal is - to be all natural!) so that is keeping me going. I didn't think I would judging by the roots but now that it is past my ears, I really like it! What do you do to keep motivated?
MeowScat
November 20th, 2013, 10:58 AM
Wear it up all day and all night. Baby it, moisturize it but stop looking at it. I've been doing this for a couple years now and I'm so glad I did.
Mine looked so bad that not only did the compliments stop, I was told I needed to cut it. What a bummer. I'm so happy that I put the scissors down, and started wearing buns. Now when I wear it down (rarely) the compliments have returned and my hair seems "suddenly" much longer. It's actually exciting to hide it for a while, then be surprised at the growth that I wouldn't have noticed if I had worn it down everyday. Plus, it was protected the whole time.
It's a journey, so have patience. :)
blue_eyes
November 20th, 2013, 11:31 AM
Its me again...I guess I didn't answer your question on coping mechanisms! Obviously I don't really have any so I am happy to hear what others have to say. Mostly I try to baby my hair and get it trimmed fairly regularly. I really like my natural color (which is what my goal is - to be all natural!) so that is keeping me going. I didn't think I would judging by the roots but now that it is past my ears, I really like it! What do you do to keep motivated?
My goal is to be all natural too, but I've only got about an inch of virgin roots so far. I've been taking biotin & MSM since the summer and just started castor oil treatments about 4 weeks ago. I was hoping to get an inch of growth a month, but for what I've measured I'm still only getting 0.5 inches. I think that's what has me the most discouraged today.
As far as coping I've mostly been babying my hair like crazy and looking at photos of the hair I want to have some day lol. I'm very much a 'I want to look good NOW' type of person, so the idea of having ugly, broken dyed dark hair and blonde roots growing out for 2 years horrifies me! Plus I hate the way I look when my hair is up...but I suppose I should try and get used to it. At least that would hide the breakage and protect it. I can't really think of any other ways to hide it.
ErinLeigh
November 20th, 2013, 12:13 PM
I just cut my hair from the pic in my avitar to SL. It was a bummer as I was excited to grow it longer. I had passed APL and was really excited about the possibility of growing long hair. I was pretty close to my goal and happy.
Unfortunately I had chemical damage so I had to make a choice. Grow new hair, wait and cut...or cut now.
My damage went higher than SL since the keratin that ruined it was applied to whole head. I had broken hairs sticking up and out everywhere. I wasn't willing to go super short, but also knew I couldn't feel happy with a length full of damage. I chose to cut to SL with layers.
For some reason cutting to SL made a major change. It no longer breaks off even tho obviously the keratined hair is still on my head all the way to root, and you cant really see the damage now either. Yet before I cut, when you looked at my hair all you saw was the damage.
Although I was sad to cut I knew I had to because I personally feel anxiety when I can feel/see lots of damage.
So am I bummed I am now a lot farther away from my goal? Sure. But was it worth it ? I have to say yes...and since it WAS worth it to me to lose length to make hair look nicer, I can be ok with my decision with no regrets or worrying where I would be today length wise. My decision came down to do I want to look nice today, or in a year? My lack of patience answered that one :) I wanted my hair cut asap so I could immediately start regrowing. I worried if I grew then assessed and cut I would be moving backward.
That being said, if length is important, another choice can be to simply bun it up for a year and forget about it. DO SMT's and oiling, air dry some cowashes yada yada...Some of the damaged hair may end up looking a lot better eventually and you may find you don't have to cut off as much as you think. That way you are actually moving toward goal length now and won't have to deal with growing a few months just to cut off and have to start over 6 months from now.
How are you wearing your hair currently?
abauer789
November 20th, 2013, 12:16 PM
My goal is to be all natural too, but I've only got about an inch of virgin roots so far. I've been taking biotin & MSM since the summer and just started castor oil treatments about 4 weeks ago. I was hoping to get an inch of growth a month, but for what I've measured I'm still only getting 0.5 inches. I think that's what has me the most discouraged today.
As far as coping I've mostly been babying my hair like crazy and looking at photos of the hair I want to have some day lol. I'm very much a 'I want to look good NOW' type of person, so the idea of having ugly, broken dyed dark hair and blonde roots growing out for 2 years horrifies me! Plus I hate the way I look when my hair is up...but I suppose I should try and get used to it. At least that would hide the breakage and protect it. I can't really think of any other ways to hide it.
I think we are hair twins as I am the same person who wants it now! The past year has been rough, I am not going to lie...but hang in there! I just had lunch with a friend and we discussed the wear it in a ponytail concept and low and behold MeowScat mentioned the same thing. So starting tomorrow I am on a mission to wear it up for awhile. I did it once before during this past year at another low point and it TOTALLY worked. Thanks MeowScat for the recommendation! And hang in there blue_eyes we CAN DO IT!!!!
abauer789
November 20th, 2013, 12:16 PM
My goal is to be all natural too, but I've only got about an inch of virgin roots so far. I've been taking biotin & MSM since the summer and just started castor oil treatments about 4 weeks ago. I was hoping to get an inch of growth a month, but for what I've measured I'm still only getting 0.5 inches. I think that's what has me the most discouraged today.
As far as coping I've mostly been babying my hair like crazy and looking at photos of the hair I want to have some day lol. I'm very much a 'I want to look good NOW' type of person, so the idea of having ugly, broken dyed dark hair and blonde roots growing out for 2 years horrifies me! Plus I hate the way I look when my hair is up...but I suppose I should try and get used to it. At least that would hide the breakage and protect it. I can't really think of any other ways to hide it.
I think we are hair twins as I am the same person who wants it now! The past year has been rough, I am not going to lie...but hang in there! I just had lunch with a friend and we discussed the wear it in a ponytail concept and low and behold MeowScat mentioned the same thing. So starting tomorrow I am on a mission to wear it up for awhile. I did it once before during this past year at another low point and it TOTALLY worked. Thanks MeowScat for the recommendation! And hang in there blue_eyes we CAN DO IT!!!!
Liz_park
November 20th, 2013, 12:18 PM
Hey blue eyes!
So, one thing about biotin and MSM...it takes about 3 or 4 months of taking it to see real differences in your hair growth rate and thickness. So you should just be *starting* to see a difference now. Castor oil is great too, as is coconut oil.
The suggestion to keep your hair up is an excellent one. I used to hate having my hair up, but once my hair was just below shoulder, I learned to do updos and buns and that really helped with the quality of my hair, and also with forgetting about how long it was. I also found that silk headbands helped to accessorize.
Another way of coping that I have found helpful is to exercise! I think the circulation helps with hair growth somehow. I try to do about 30 minutes of cardio or yoga or weights each day.
If you're not already doing so, avoid hair stylists like the plague. I realize that there are probably a few good ones out there, but all of the ones I have met have chopped and layered my hair like crazy. Almost all of my hair setbacks are because of stylists. I recommend that you self trim. That way you can control how much is cut and where.
Also, document your progress! I have been taking one photo a month since I started. It's amazing watching your own hair grow over time! I find that looking at my own hair growth is very encouraging. It's so pleasing to see the progress and growth you've made, not just in length, but in quality of hair.
leslissocool
November 20th, 2013, 12:28 PM
I ecco wear hair up, and exercise.
I also think protein treatments, and use something to cover up the damage like a serum. I would oil weekly and do every 2 weeks a protein treatment. I had amazing results with babyface protein treatment mixed in heavy mosture mask.
My hair is so dark henna doesn't show at all, so I used A LOT of henna when my hair was a chemical damage. But honestly, trimming is your best bet. I would trim to shoulder and wear up after that if really the mess cannot be masked.
ErinLeigh
November 20th, 2013, 12:31 PM
Have you considered color oops or vanish and then cutting some blended layers into SL hair? And after the dye strip maybe Elumen or something to tone it? If you really hate it that much, and can't wear it up then perhaps once good cut and dye removal plus toning will get you in a place where you can start fresh. It is one thing to grow out hair when it looks nice now, it would be another to absolutely hate your hair for the next 2 years.
IS it really that bad or are you being hard on yourself. So it sounds like you are growing out dye and damage? How bad are the broken pieces? Is it very noticable when worn down or is it more damage that you know is there, but can be hidden with cones?
blue_eyes
November 20th, 2013, 01:52 PM
@ ErinLeigh
Wow! I applaud your decision to cut! :) My hair is very fine and straight, and I typically wear it down. I am growing out both dye & damage, and you are probably right about me being hard on myself. The broken pieces are about 6 inches long, and the rest is about 12. People I've asked have said they don't notice, because when it is down it mostly blends together. However, because the ends are missing about half the thickness, they look very thin. I just washed it today, did a treatment, and added argan oil to the ends, and it looked pretty good. I guess if it wasn't for the fact that about half my hair broke off I wouldn't be considering cutting it. I can hide the damage of the lower half...I just hate how thin it looks and not having all my hair at one length. It almost looks like really awful layers haha.
As for the color, it really isn't too bad. It's all dark brown (though not totally even, it isn't that noticeable either), and my roots seem to be blending in alright thanks to a semi-perm dye I used about 2 months ago.
@ abauer789
It's so good to know I'm not alone :P we do sound identical haha. My hair is really thin looking and a ponytail only makes my short chunks of hair more noticeable :( I think a bun would work better for me. It's too bad, I love ponytails! It's so tough when you like to look good, and take so much pride in your hair...and then you've got a lot of breakage. It's shaken up my confidence a lot :(
@ Liz_park
I hear you on the hair stylists! NEVER AGAIN. The last cut I got was after I had a lot of breakage. I lost about 12 inches of length and the stylist tried to hide the breakage. She also cut the remaining length to one length (I had a V cut with layers before, so she got rid of that). I too have had nothing but setbacks with stylists. I wanted hair that was one length in order to stop the madness :P I will definitely be self trimming from now on.
Thanks for the info on biotin & MSM. I originally read that it'd take a month or two to kick in, but if it takes longer then I think I'm just about to hit the 4 month mark! I won't give up :)
Thanks for everyone's advice & opinions! I have some days where my hair bothers me more than usual. I take a lot of inspiration from the people on this board who have grown out their hair from hair cuts and disasters :P Someday it'll all be over!
muddblood21
November 20th, 2013, 02:12 PM
I feel your pain! There are a few things that have made me feel better when I look at my hair and want to shave my head.
Keep it up and out of sight--if I leave mine down, I tend to get discouraged when I see the brassy blonde bottom half and the cooler, medium blonde top half that clash and make me feel like I look insane. It also helps me from obsessing over the growth. If I am not constantly looking at it, I notice the growth more. I have also learned a huge bonus to keeping it up: it is also kept safe from damage/tangles/elements.
Pinterest!--If you don't already have a pinterest.com account, sign up and start an inspiration board! I have one with loads of beautiful hair and when I get discouraged, I just go on a pinning spree.
Treat myself--If I am having a really bad "my hair looks like crap and I hate it" day, I do the SMT. It makes my hair feel and look better and it makes me feel better.
Being honest with myself--I know for a fact I fried my hair. I have damage. It will have to be cut off. These are facts I know to be true. Trimming a little at a time is an option, but I have chosen to wait it out until it is all long enough to cut off all the damage/different color at the same time. Because I chose this route, I also have to be SUPER careful with my hair right now so I don't add to the damage. I hope to get some proper shears to S&D or do a micro trim myself soon. Until then I strive to keep my hair protected, moisturized, and not be so hard on myself. Don't give up!;)
ErinLeigh
November 20th, 2013, 07:21 PM
Muddblood SMTs really do help on a bad day don't they :) I love them so much I actually do mini ones (co wash with honey/conditioner mix) twice a week.
I am going be to in a honey rehab facility one day. I just love the volume and softness I get from these honey co washes and can't stop. lol
I have to say, they reverse the appearance of a lot of my damage. My signature pic was taken this month and I really cant "see" the damage in it. That is what got me thru the hardest part. Honey, plus a light coney serum to seal it up for when I need to be seen in public. If you would have saw my hair in October you would see what I mean. It was a fried puffy dry tangled mess.
BlueEyes I am glad to hear it was just a bad day and that you know your hair isn't as bad as you think when you are down in the dumps. That makes me happy to hear. Sometimes we are a lot harder on ourselves. No one sees what we see. Always remember that.
Bombadillo
November 20th, 2013, 08:28 PM
What a coincidence that this was started today as I was thinking all day that I was positively done with growing my hair. I was ready to go back to the tried and true crew cut and have my long hair fun thru beard growth.
I wore my first french braid while I was at work today and though some of my coworkers thought it was feminine I did my best to own it despite the fly a ways that were more annoying than usual. What finally got me to change my mind was thru looking at others-mostly girls, some guys- and seeing that I was quite normal or even a little above average in the hair department. I also counted off the reasons why I like having longer hair and remembering all the awkward stages that I went thru to get here (looking like both characters from Dumb and Dumber, airplane wings, constantly being poked in the eye, et cetera. I guess the real secret was to get away from the mirror and see my hair for the long term and the perspective of anyone who might people watch on me. Hope this gives some inspiration for your own moments of uncertainty.
abauer789
November 21st, 2013, 07:48 AM
@ ErinLeigh
@ abauer789
It's so good to know I'm not alone :P we do sound identical haha. My hair is really thin looking and a ponytail only makes my short chunks of hair more noticeable :( I think a bun would work better for me. It's too bad, I love ponytails! It's so tough when you like to look good, and take so much pride in your hair...and then you've got a lot of breakage. It's shaken up my confidence a lot :(
Thanks for everyone's advice & opinions! I have some days where my hair bothers me more than usual. I take a lot of inspiration from the people on this board who have grown out their hair from hair cuts and disasters :P Someday it'll all be over!
Good morning blue_eyes! I have my hair in one of those claw clip thingys today. And it is raining here so it was a good choice all the way around! I remembered something else I have been doing that is helping. I use Aveda Clove Conditioner on my hair from the ears down. It really does help tone down the damaged brassy hair that didn't really hold the dye from a year ago when I had the permanent color to close to my natural to cover the bleached highlights. Not sure what your hair color is but it is great to bring out a nice warmth in dark blonde to brunette hair. Hope you are having a good day! I feel better today...thanks to everyone's good advice here at LHC! :p
Sunny_side_up
November 23rd, 2013, 08:34 AM
After a few days of not wearing pony tails anymore and sticking to the claw clip and ignoring my hair im back on track with not feeling fed up as I was a week or so ago. My hair shows about 6cm of new growth(since may) and the rest of the length down to my armpits is dry looking box dyed hair, which im definitely oiling more often with a little run through of coconut oil. Wearing it up this way for me is good! And remembering back to the past this is how I grew out my shaggy layered hair. My new claw clip is definitely a boost for me. Its the type of clip that matters to me too. this one doesn't have the 'talon' shape rather more blunted ends.
magfish
November 23rd, 2013, 06:18 PM
I feel like I've been having a bad hair /month/. I'm just stuck at a totally ****ty length- what can you do with almost-APL hair?? On top of that, I just found pictures of my hair when I thought it was the longest it's ever been, and it was barely waist, and I still miss how long it was. Ahhh hair grow faster!
I think I'm going to buy myself a pretty flexi8 or two to help me feel better about it all, one a littttle too big because then I can grow into it. Hmmm.
Nadine <3
November 23rd, 2013, 07:54 PM
I just slather my length in Olive oil, french braid it, and decorate it with a cute head band. It's the only style that stays in really well for me right now at my length (collar length with lots of layers)
I wear it like that for a few days in a row, then when I shampoo the oils out I'm always amazed at how shiny and soft it is.
ravenheather
November 24th, 2013, 07:54 AM
My solution to bad hair is pick a length you can live with grow to there and microtrim out the damage. And in the meantime put it up and forget about it.
blue_eyes
November 25th, 2013, 09:49 AM
Thanks for all your replies, and all the wonderful advice!
I will probably try micro trimming as my hair grows out. I just want it to grow faster so that the broken chunks catch up to the rest of the length of my hair. It looks as though someone cut huge amounts of my hair to shoulder length, while the rest is APL. If I could get all the short chunks to APL then I'd just cut all my hair to that length. I'm having a hard time with the idea of shoulder length hair right now, so micro trimming & wearing it up are probably my best options. I'll also be trying a SMT!
It's nice to know we aren't alone in coping with the bad days! :)
ravenreed
November 25th, 2013, 02:38 PM
0.5 inches of growth is normal and nothing to be discouraged about. It is unlikely that you will find any product that will double your rate of growth. I always find such claims highly suspicious.
My goal is to be all natural too, but I've only got about an inch of virgin roots so far. I've been taking biotin & MSM since the summer and just started castor oil treatments about 4 weeks ago. I was hoping to get an inch of growth a month, but for what I've measured I'm still only getting 0.5 inches. I think that's what has me the most discouraged today.
As far as coping I've mostly been babying my hair like crazy and looking at photos of the hair I want to have some day lol. I'm very much a 'I want to look good NOW' type of person, so the idea of having ugly, broken dyed dark hair and blonde roots growing out for 2 years horrifies me! Plus I hate the way I look when my hair is up...but I suppose I should try and get used to it. At least that would hide the breakage and protect it. I can't really think of any other ways to hide it.
blue_eyes
November 28th, 2013, 03:49 PM
So, since starting this thread I've tried to implement some of the advice I've been given :) (especially the Pinterest idea!)
I'm just wondering how everyone has found the patience when you know you've got 2 years of growing ahead of you!
I realize that it is one of these situations where you have no choice but to wait...and really, considering I don't have to do anything but let my hair grow, it should be easy. But it isn't! Ahhh! How does everyone cope?! :P
Liz_park
November 28th, 2013, 05:48 PM
The best advice I ever found for coping was from browneyedsusan who says that she "put it up, and pretends it's fabulous!". That's what I have been doing. Putting it up with a bit of light oil to protect the ends has made my hair healthier and stronger, and I don't notice it so much.
As long as I don't do anything silly, one year from now my hair will probably be BSL, and two years from now it will probably be waist. You just have to take care of it, and also sort of forget it :)
~*~Aspen~*~
November 28th, 2013, 05:59 PM
My solution to bad hair is pick a length you can live with grow to there and microtrim out the damage. And in the meantime put it up and forget about it.
I agree with what raven said.. Baby it, put it up, and forget about it..
You can even find yourself a nice hat or something.-
But, find something else to do, maybe some exercising?- Skin nuturing?
You can always do what we said and then go to the hair salon and have a deep treatment/massage every/other month because I bet you deserve it.! cHECK the length then, find a hairstylist that will love your hair too and take it from there.!
Good luck girl!
ravenheather
November 28th, 2013, 07:06 PM
When you feel impatient just remember in two years you can have waist length hair or short hair. It's just a choice.
Addy
November 28th, 2013, 08:17 PM
Ignore it! It will grow! lol
MaryO
November 29th, 2013, 04:18 AM
Just put your hair up night and day and seriously before you know it it will be much longer! I have been wearing my hair up (into some kind of topknot) for a month or more now because of the heat and was very happy to find that I could make a little braid this morning! :-) (My hair isn't very long at all yet!) But hair grows and it's like gardening- if you watch it the whole time nothing happens- good luck!
HintOfMint
November 29th, 2013, 02:06 PM
How do you feel about curls? There are lots of heat-free curling methods and it's great for hiding damage and giving you something new to make you feel good about your hair.
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