Trauma and hair

[slipperlady]

I know that there are old wives tales about people experiencing something traumatic and their hair turns white overnight. We know that the hair that is already grown is dead and that nothing except dye can turn it a different color. The roots however, are a different story. I am wondering about that.
In January I lost my youngest daughter unexpectedly. It so happened that earlier in the day I had gotten 2 feet of hair cut because it was damaged and I wanted a new start without dye. It is now 20 inches long. I have not had it trimmed since then but the new growth at the roots is very much whiter than the old growth. The texture has gotten horrible and I battle fuzziness that I attributed to getting older but now I wonder. Maybe I have just been preoccupied with sadness and haven't been taking good care of it.
I want to look better and not be swallowed up by grief. Color makes me look younger but it just ruins my hair. I am almost 60 years old and am trying to just have pretty, long and natural hair. Is there something I can do to get the shine back? I have started brushing it several times a day and using jojoba oil on it. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know.

[endlessly]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I strongly agree that trauma can most definitely affect the health of your hair. Stress, depression, anxiety can cause hormonal fluctuations that are bodies are not prepared to deal with and unfortunately, this can greatly influence your appearance. Another huge factor is what you're putting into your body versus onto it. Have you been eating well, sleeping, staying hydrated? If you answer no to any of these, this will also affect the growth of your hair. I hope this helps!

[Joyvs]

Hi Slipperlady, I'm so very sorry to hear about your daughter. I can only imagine what you have gone through and continue to go through each day. Life can turn in such unexpected and painful ways, it is really positive to hear that you are working on wanting to feel better for yourself and to not be swallowed up by grief. That's such an important step to take on the path to healing, and I hope you don't mind me saying that I don't think your daughter would want you to be grieving and in pain for her. I'm sure she would want you to be happy and fulfilled in this life. Sending you lots of :grouphug:
In relation to colouring your hair, have you ever tried natural alternatives such as henna/indigo/cassia etc? My profile is very new but I've been a long-time visitor to these boards, and the wonderful people here have a wealth of knowledge to share in relation to using various natural alternatives for colouring and caring for your hair. Colouring using natural proucts can be a really rewarding experience, I was a long-time henna/indigo ('henndigo') user (I've just come back to it again after having some adventures with pixie cuts and going lighter, so I'm starting from very short a bit damaged at the moment) and find the process almost ritualistic in terms of how happy it makes me to use it on my hair, knowing it is good for both me and the environment. You're doing a great job with using jojoba oil, it's wonderful for your hair. Have you tried giving yourself a scalp massage using a little of the oil? If you like the feeling of your scalp being massaged (some people do, some people don't), it can be a great way to help stimulate the blood flow to your follicles as an alternative to brushing (which, if over-done, can sometimes damage hair) and also is super-relaxing for your whole body and helps to relieve tension.

[LauraLongLocks]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, have lost a child. My son died quite unexpectedly, too, and I know what a shock it is. I don't know how it can affect hair, but I have certainly had difficulty reading and concentrating since his death. Be kind to yourself. Eat well, exercise, and get massages/body work done as frequently as you can. It helps. (((Hugs)))

[DweamGoiL]

Just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss.

[slipperlady]

Thank you Ladies for your replies. It has been hard and continues to be but I am trying to move forward.
I don't know anything about henna and am afraid to try it. My hair grows very fast and I can't deal with the roots. So, I thought that maybe I would try to grow old gracefully if I can. I put my efforts into making my face look good with makeup while I try to get my hair in better shape.
Thank you again.

[summergreen]

So sorry to hear about your loss Slipperlady. Lauralonglocks, also very sorry to hear about your son. Wishing you both strength and comfort.

Slipperlady, maybe very gentle temporary or semi-permanent colour if you want to colour your hair? And deep conditioning treatments occasionally? In addition to what everyone else has said about caring for yourself well.

[swearnsue]

The best way to get shine without henna or cassia, is to do a gentle clarifying wash with baking soda and then rinse with vinegar water and warm/cool water.

I also suggest installing a water filter on your showerhead. This way you have most of the minerals and junk filtered out before it gets into your hair, and skin.

That is the quickest overnight solution. For the long term hair health though I agree with the previous posters about taking care of yourself in general so that your hair reflects your health.

Oh, and my gray hairs are different than my natural colored hairs. My grays are coarser and tend to stick out every which way but it's my understanding that this is normal for gray hairs and not due to poor care or bad diet.

[sabrinaclrke]

I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry for your loss. My mother just lost her daughter this past May, and I know how hard it can be. ((Hugs))

[slipperlady]

Thank you all.

[LauraLongLocks]

I don't mean to be a thread hijacker, but I also wanted to say thank you for the condolences.

[thirstylocks]

Have you considered a hair gloss/glaze? It is a process that still has some chemical in it, but it isn't as destructive as hair dye. It makes your hair really shiny. I would also do some research on henna.

I think you should continue oiling, and start trying different kinds of oils, sleeping with your hair up on a silk pillowcase, wearing your hair up generally, and most importantly, eating right and exercising, if you already haven't done any of this.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

[slipperlady]

Not a hijacker at all Laura. I send good wishes to you too.

I will look into the things suggested.