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View Full Version : It's a long journey, and I need your opinions!



Federica
September 26th, 2013, 01:58 PM
Hello guys!
After my introduction today, this is my first thread here!
I lurked here for few days, and saw you guys are really amazing and full of hair skills, and I've go sooo much to learn from your advices!
So, here we go.
As I wrote on my presentation thread, I've always been a longie.
Even though I dyed my hair black since I was 15, at 19 my hair was beyond classic lenght, very thick and shiny and healthy.
I was very attached to it, as you can imagine, I always wanted long hair and took good care of it, despite the dye.
Then, I had the worst year in my life.
My mother got cancer and died, and just a couple of weeks after that my fiancè, who knew how desperate I was for my loss, broke up with me, after confessing he was cheating on me.
My world just seemed to end that day, I was broke.
So I decided to do something crazy to my long, healthy and beautiful hair. I bleached it twice, until my natural dark brown/dyed in black color was a light orange/corn yellow/light grey nightmare, and then dyed everything bright red.
Useless to say I kinda destroyed my whole hair doing this, which started to break everywhere and fall out in pieces. :(
So I had to chop off like 2/3 of the lenght to a layered almost-BSL cut, trying to save what could be saved, dyed the bleached part with a non chemical dye, and waited the re-growth of my natural hair, microtrimming the damage with soooooo much patience.
5 years has passed, and here I am now: I just passed the milestone of WL with just a couple of inches of damage left, but my hair still feel so short :(
Now I decided to stop trimming for at least one year, hoping to reach TBL during this period, then see the condition of the ends, but my ultimate goal for now is to reach back the CL.
This is my very first lenght photo ever, and I would very appreciate every comment and opinion you can give me.
http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/8555/s8lz.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/841/s8lz.jpg/)

Kwantslonghair
September 26th, 2013, 02:06 PM
Awe. So sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost my mom to cancer too. I am sorry about your other losses as well. I don't tink your hair looks bad at all. The waves are pretty. I am no hair expert but you will get good advice here. I would do micro trimming to get rid of the last couple inches of damage.

Panth
September 26th, 2013, 02:24 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*

I can't see the photo of your hair, so I can't make any terribly specific comments. However:

Reducing trims can be beneficial, though a few people find they loose more length this way (as their hair is prone to split when not regularly trimmed and the splits tend to travel up and break off - not all hair is like this). Generally, it depends on what you call a trim. In hairdresser-speak that can be 1-2 inches which is a lot. Here, we usually go for 0.5-1 inch for a trim and microtrims/dusting is also common (trims of under 1/2 inch or so). Some hairdressers won't do this (and some people here are paranoid about their hair) so lots of people do self-trims - either by Feye's self trim method or by using a nifty device called a Crea clip. Another option is S&D (search and destroy), where you look through the hair and only trim hairs that have split ends or fairy knots present. The two less-hassle ways of doing this are to either concentrate on the tassel of your plait or, if your hair tends to split further up, to take small sections of the hair in turn, twist them then gently run your fingers up the twist to make the ends stand out then cut anything that has a split. In any case, with trims or S&D, you should always use super-sharp scissors that are only ever used on hair or you will make a ragged cut that will actually encourage splitting.

Other than trimming, we could probably give you some advice on other parts of your routine. E.g. What is your routine / wash schedule like? What products do you like to use? Do you use heat (straighteners, blowdryer) or dye or bleach anymore? Etc.

Federica
September 26th, 2013, 02:26 PM
Oh thank you Kwantslonghair for your reply, I'm sure here I will find good advices :)
I know I should get rid of the last inches of damage, but it took so much time to get to WL while microtrimming, I just can't wait to have long hair again... sometimes, when I see a old picture of me with beyond classic, I feel like I'm gonna cry.
I envy those people who don't bother for hair changes. I no longer feel like "myself" and it's hurting.
But I think it's just because it's hard to see the actual growth on your own hair, expecially if you don't measure and take pictures of it during the process.
So, I'm full of hope for the future! :D

Federica
September 26th, 2013, 02:40 PM
Thank you Panth, too!
I don't know why you can't see my picture, it seems like it's visible to the users, according to what Kwantslonghair said before...

In the last five years, after the bleach disaster, I never been to a salon again.
Hair dressers are so rude while brushing and they almost always cut more than you asked. Or at least this is my personal experience during all my long-haired life :)
I always washed my hair once a week with a cone free shampoo, apply conditioner, leave it for like 10 minutes, then rinse with cool water. I blowdry at low heat just the 7-8 inches from the scalp, then braid.
I also henna every other week, and dye my silver hair (only the roots) with a non-chemical dye I buy in herbal stores every other month.
I also oil the ends everyday with linum seed oil and sometimes do a leave-in with olive oil.

emilyann
September 26th, 2013, 02:49 PM
If it's not splitting or getting fairy knots, you probably don't need to trim regularly.

I'm going to try to wait until I get to waist length before I trim any damage. I have old highlighting damage that I'm eager to get rid of, but I want waist-length hair. So I will be happy to maintain my hair at waist length for a bit while simultaneously trimming damage off. If I start seeing too many splits or knots somewhere before I hit waist, I will get a small trim to take care of it. You can do the same thing with tailbone-length as your goal.

Kwantslonghair
September 26th, 2013, 03:20 PM
From wa I can see of the ends they don't look bad. You might try oiling your hair, virgin olive oil, coconut oil, argon oil etc. I coat mine with olive oil about once a month or more if it needs it. I use a little argon oil on my ends (the bottom 4 inches) everyday. Look over the advice and try one thing at a time to see what works for yours. I have wanted long hair my whole life and let people tell me what to do. Cut my hair. I will never cut again shorter than waist. It will seem like it takes forever to regrow it but you will see. It will be not only long again but healthy too.

Panth
September 26th, 2013, 03:22 PM
Thank you Panth, too!
I don't know why you can't see my picture, it seems like it's visible to the users, according to what Kwantslonghair said before...

In the last five years, after the bleach disaster, I never been to a salon again.
Hair dressers are so rude while brushing and they almost always cut more than you asked. Or at least this is my personal experience during all my long-haired life :)
I always washed my hair once a week with a cone free shampoo, apply conditioner, leave it for like 10 minutes, then rinse with cool water. I blowdry at low heat just the 7-8 inches from the scalp, then braid.
I also henna every other week, and dye my silver hair (only the roots) with a non-chemical dye I buy in herbal stores every other month.
I also oil the ends everyday with linum seed oil and sometimes do a leave-in with olive oil.

Funny... the picture works if I click on it and go to ImageShack. *shrug*

Anyway, it looks very nice. I love the waves and the hemline suits your texture well. Your routine sounds like it is very good. Unless you have lots of splits, reducing your trimming will probably be fine. Maybe a year with no trims might be a little excessive - just play it by ear and see how your hair looks at, say, 3, 6 and 9 months in. Don't hold yourself to the no-trims thing if your hair isn't liking it - regular dusting can be better for some people.

The only thing I'd say is be prepared for your ends to get a bit more fairytaled. Obviously, if you are trying to grow out your hemline into a straighter one, you'll need more regular trims and bigger ones too. However, as I said, I think the hem shape suits your hair very nicely and I suspect a bit of fairytales will also look nice. Also, you've got one big advantage over a lot of people here - you already know that you are capable of growing your hair to your goal length and you already know what routine you used before to get that. So, you just need to be patient (and maybe learn some fun updos and/or get some pretty hairtoys to make your wait a bit more interesting...).

lapushka
September 26th, 2013, 03:32 PM
Looks like you did great already, growing it back out from BSL to waist+, so keep doing what you're doing. I'm sure there's plenty more tips on this forum, but you did really great all by yourself up until now, so I'm confident you'll be at your goal length in no time. Happy growing! :)

spidermom
September 26th, 2013, 03:48 PM
You are off to a great start. Your hair looks very pretty. Stay busy and your hair will grow while you're not paying attention.

SleepyTangles
September 26th, 2013, 04:02 PM
Hi Federica! I'm sorry you went through such traumathic period - I won't comment on your fiancé behaviour, but I hope you're happy and in better company, now :(. I'm really sorry for your mum.

Your mane looks awsome: very healthy, so I'd say your routine is pretty much perfect. Maybe you can just "dust" your ends, instead of microtrimming, but I'd keep in mind that with damage the only option is to prevent it to travel further up... let's say its my hair that decide if I trim or not :o.
If you already use a wide toothed comb and handle it gently, I can't figure any better treatment for it. You seem very experienced.

jacqueline101
September 26th, 2013, 04:21 PM
Your hair is lovely. You've an excellent start and sorry for the loss of your mother.

pogo0685
September 26th, 2013, 04:23 PM
You have beautiful hair, the ends to me look fine. I have not trimmed my hair since December of last year and as of right now have no plans to trim anytime soon. I coconut oil my ends every other day and it has helped a lot. I can see where you would want your hair to hurry up and grow but by "normal" standards you have really long hair as it is. Not much help when looking at people with classic and longer hair I know, but soon yours will be back to where it once was! Happy growing!!

Audhumla
September 26th, 2013, 04:50 PM
You said you henna every two weeks. Is that a whole head henna every two weeks? That seems like a lot.
I've heard other people saying regular whole head (or whole length I guess) applications dried out their hair and made it wiry so be careful of that.
Probably better to go to the henna thread for advice there.

Federica
September 27th, 2013, 04:47 AM
Thank you all for your replies! I really needed someone to talk to about hair issues, my friends IRL always look at me as I'm a crazy hair weirdo (they don't seem very attached to their hair...)

Stay busy and your hair will grow while you're not paying attention.
Thank you, Spidermom, I think this is the best advice, and of course the most difficult to follow :D


Maybe you can just "dust" your ends, instead of microtrimming
Can somebody explain to me what's the difference between micro-trimming and dusting? Or direct me to the right thread about it?


You said you henna every two weeks. Is that a whole head henna every two weeks? That seems like a lot.
I've heard other people saying regular whole head (or whole length I guess) applications dried out their hair and made it wiry so be careful of that.
I do something called "Sherazade" here in Italy, which consists in 5-6 tablespoons of henna (i use pure lawsonia inermis), hot water (but I also use black tea) and lot of conditioner, I add also a couple tablespoons of honey, a couple of vinegar and some olive oil.
The conditioner and the olive oil help to solve the issue of dryness even though I apply it all over the lenght, I leave it a couple of hours (or more if I can, but it's still working in less time), then wash as usual.
I experimented a bit of dryness on the ends, but in general my hair seems to appreciate this treatment, and it also helps me to hide my silver re-growth (since I'm taking a vitamin complex, my growth hai increased to one inch per month, which is like crazy to me :) )

MissAlida
September 27th, 2013, 05:17 AM
Now you made me regret my big cut last month. :rolleyes: I love V hemlines, I used to have one, but cut my hair into a curly bob recently. Your hair is gorgeous, and I have major hair envy right now. Just keep up the good work, and deep condition. There is a no trimming tread somewhere, you should join them. It'll look amazing in no time. A bit of advice: LHC is overwhelming at first, try not to try out everything at once. I know I did, then came back to old shampoo/conditioner. LHC is great. Welcome to the community. :o

Federica
September 27th, 2013, 05:34 AM
Thank you MissAlida, I really didn't think my hair could rise any envy at all, compared to the others here!
I have to learn a lot about deep conditioning :)
Actually I like my V hemline, but I would like to turn it into a U shaped one. I'm still growing out the front section layers, which takes more time than I imagined.
Don't regret your bob, blunt hemlines are more end-friendly I think, and prevent a lot of damage!
:)

Audhumla
September 27th, 2013, 07:19 AM
I do something called "Sherazade" here in Italy, which consists in 5-6 tablespoons of henna (i use pure lawsonia inermis), hot water (but I also use black tea) and lot of conditioner, I add also a couple tablespoons of honey, a couple of vinegar and some olive oil.

Oh ok. Just be careful you don't get damage from the honey which has an enzyme that generates peroxide when exposed to the atmosphere.
This can be easily avoided by microwaving your honey for a short time before using it as that breaks down the enzyme so it can't produce any peroxide.
Happy growing otherwise :)

SleepyTangles
September 27th, 2013, 07:29 AM
Oooh, you're italian! Always excited to see other italian lhcers, I don't feel we are many... :o
Dusting is basically trimming just few millimeters, instead of more. It doesn't require any different tecnique, but maybe you'll find less easy than trim a ful half centimeter.

Anje
September 27th, 2013, 08:30 AM
Overall, it sounds good and your hair looks great! My condolences on all the trauma that caused you to attack your hair.

My one concern is that you said you're putting linum seed oil (linseed oil or flax oil are the US terms, with flax oil usually being the edible form) on your ends. The reason this concerns me is that it's a type of oil that's known for its ability to polymerize with air exposure, to the point where it's used to make a protective coating on wood. (The term here is that it's a drying oil, and this is indicated by the fact that it has a very high iodine value.) I'd be afraid that it's making a similar coating of buildup on your ends. Therefore, if I were in your position, I'd try a few other edible oils to see if anything else gives you good results and might cause less buildup. Olive oil, sesame oil, sunflower oil, coconut oil, argan oil, camellia oil, and many others get used on ends and you might find you like one of those or something else. Obviously, if the linum seed oil is working well for you and you don't get buildup from it, you're welcome to ignore me and go on doing what your hair likes.

Rio040113
September 27th, 2013, 08:52 AM
I don't really have much to add, I just wanted to say sorry for your loss and compliment your hair, it's beautiful :) love the texture so much!
Rio. (Forum newbie)

AmyBeth
September 27th, 2013, 12:09 PM
I'm so sorry about your mother, I lost my mother to cancer also. I'm actually glad you lost your cheating boyfriend! When my mom died, I cut my TBL hair, too, to just above shoulders, and regretted it. It took me about 10yrs to finally realize that I am a long hair at heart, so you are already ahead of the curve when it comes to reclaiming your hair destiny:). It is very beautiful already, even if it isn't as long as you'd like. Try to enjoy the journey- after all, you will probably never have hair this short again. It will be longer tomorrow. If your damage is still significant, try to wear it up and protect it, or try microtrims. Damage has a way of traveling up the hair shaft and making the hair break off- just like a broken fingernail.

Lady Mary
September 27th, 2013, 12:15 PM
Your hair and waves are beautiful and I love your tattoo. I'm sorry for your loss, stay strong.

ozzy
September 27th, 2013, 05:20 PM
your hair looks very pretty, i hope my hair will be this long and look this good in few years time! happy growing!

Federica
September 28th, 2013, 02:38 AM
Thank you all guys for your support! I knew you were a friendly community but it really means a lot for me :)


Oh ok. Just be careful you don't get damage from the honey which has an enzyme that generates peroxide when exposed to the atmosphere.
This can be easily avoided by microwaving your honey for a short time before using it as that breaks down the enzyme so it can't produce any peroxide.
Thanks Audhumla for this advice, I did'n know that! So many things to learn :)


Oooh, you're italian! Always excited to see other italian lhcers, I don't feel we are many...
Dusting is basically trimming just few millimeters, instead of more. It doesn't require any different tecnique, but maybe you'll find less easy than trim a ful half centimeter.
Are you italian too, SleepyTangles? Great! I'm from Milan, and you? :)
Thank you for the clarification about dusting, I think I've done it before without knowing it was called so :)


My one concern is that you said you're putting linum seed oil (linseed oil or flax oil are the US terms, with flax oil usually being the edible form) on your ends. The reason this concerns me is that it's a type of oil that's known for its ability to polymerize with air exposure, to the point where it's used to make a protective coating on wood. (The term here is that it's a drying oil, and this is indicated by the fact that it has a very high iodine value.) I'd be afraid that it's making a similar coating of buildup on your ends.
Wow Anje you seem to be very competent!
I use a specifical hair product I buy in herbal stores, I just checked on the ingredients and it contains linseed oil, corn oil and Bladderwrack Extract, I used it for a couple of years while I was at CL and it worked fine on me! What do you mean with buildup? Is this oil known for coating the hair with a non-healthy layer? Like... cones?
This is the first time I hear this about a natural oil, I didn't think it was possible...

Agnes Hannah
September 28th, 2013, 03:02 PM
Frederica you have been through a long and painful jouney and your hair has reflected that. Now is your time to be the person you are. I hope you find someone who appreciates you and gives you the love you deserve. Your hair is beautiful, it looks thick and lushious. Welcome to the community, you will find good friends here.x

clioariane
September 28th, 2013, 05:23 PM
How awful, I'm sorry for your loss and your relationship :( honestly I think your hair looks beautiful, I wish I had your length and texture! Good luck growing it to classic.

biogirl87
September 29th, 2013, 12:25 AM
Federica, I am sorry for your loss. Other members have given you good advice about the care of your hair, so I don't feel the need to repeat what they said. I would like to say that your hair looks beautiful and healthy in the pic.

BlazingHeart
September 29th, 2013, 03:03 AM
Linseed oil can produce a coating, yes. Build-up usually shows up as things like tangling, feeling rough/dry, and sometimes breakage. Some people's hair gets very 'clumpy' with build-up (that and a sticky feeling tends to be how I notice build-up). However, it's entirely possible that it works well for you and doesn't cause problems - if that's the case, no need to change. I'd just keep an eye on it, and be prepared to use a clarifying shampoo if you do start getting symptoms of build-up.

Your routine sounds pretty good, though of course using the blowdryer on cold instead of low heat would probably be slightly less damaging. It looks like you've got nice healthy hair and a pretty wave pattern - just let time keep on rolling and you'll be a tailbone in no time!

Tail Feathers
September 29th, 2013, 03:51 AM
i went through something so similar. in 1998. i lost the most important person in my life, someone more than a father to me,
and ...of course... on the same day, my "significant other" abandonned ship. but, without leaving entirely. he convinced me
to cut my near classic-length hair to collar-bone legth and then laughed at me when i did... sure, i should not have listened,
but total absolute grief and mourning obfuscates "clear thinking". we become vulnerable.
(also i was completely alone, in a foreign country and could not even attend the funeral when this happened)
it took me so much longer than you, federica, to get "back on track" and become myself outside as well as inside again.

now, i am about one inch from tailbone. aiming for mid-thigh...

you are so close, too
and your hair is just beautiful now. i would only microtrim until you reach your goal. and then, trim to maintain.

i am so sorry for your loss. and i will refrain from commenting on the behaviour of the person who should have supported you then.

before you know it, i think you will be at your goal. personally, i now keep all men and all their comments
(good and bad) at least arm's length from my heart, brain, ears and hair. (listening to them has literally
devastated what i felt was "physically me" at least three times)
You know what makes you beautiful and happy, i say follow that and you will be at your goal in no time.
Safeguard it when you arrive. and, yes, enjoy the journey.

SleepyTangles
September 29th, 2013, 07:56 AM
Federica, I'm from Pesaro, but I usually "hang out" around Bologna because I study there.

Federica
September 30th, 2013, 04:41 AM
Thank you all guys fot all this support and encouragement!
I feel like finally I found a place to speak freely about hair and all the things that come (and go) with it.
And thank you for sharing your personal issues about hair with me. It means a lot.
Tail Feathers our stories seem to be so similar... It's great for you too to be capable to reach that lenght, I hope I will be there soon, too.
After many years of skepticism about men, I finally found someone who really loves and respects me. I hope that you will reach the peace of your heart too, by your own or with someone else, it doesn't matter. I learned that we're the only protectors of ourselves, and we must avoid everyone who wants to change us and choose instead the ones who want to support.
It should seem obvious but it's hard to really get the lesson :)

Thank you all again :)

FuzzyBlackWaves
September 30th, 2013, 07:12 AM
I'm sorry for your loss, and that you had such an unfeeling partner. Your hair is very beautiful and long; I'm sure you'll have no problems growing it.

Komao
September 30th, 2013, 07:19 AM
Federico, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother and all the other crap you had to go through.
It does make us do some crazy things, sometimes. I'm so glad your hair has recovered, it looks fabulous in this photo.

My wish for you is much happiness and that you get to CL real soon. :o

sakuraemily
September 30th, 2013, 08:33 AM
Your hair is so pretty that not growing it would be a crime!