How to deal with negative comments from your SO?

[ebba]

Hello all!
So last January i got the worst haircut of my life. Since then it has barely grown and it is frizzy, thin, short and nasty. Since then I have been doing my all to grow it out and /never/ wear my hair down. I have worn it down maybe 3-4 times at home since then and two of the time my boyfriend has told me that i should really grow my hair long. It happened again today and he played with my hair making it frizz up and with a funny look on his face he told me that i should grow it out, implying its unattractive nature ATM. I have spent so much money and time trying to fix this mess and it really hurts for it to be pointed out like this

Has anyone dealt with something like this that can give advice? Am I just being over sensitive?
thanks!

[jacqueline101]

Is it curly if so try the curly girl methods. If not argan oil is good for frizzy hair.

[minxe]

Suggest he change something superficial about himself and see how he likes it.

[Anje]

Have you told him that this upsets you? Even something simple like, "I agree that it's a bad haircut, but your doing this just makes me feel worse about it. Please stop." He might think he's just messing around and not harming anything if you don't communicate with him that he's upsetting you.

[PraiseCheeses]

Unless there's some underlying context which I'm not seeing (entirely possible given that I wasn't there!), is it possible that he's aware of your hair goals and this is his way of expressing his support for growing it out? Did he directly say that it looked bad? Many posters on here have said how happy it made them to hear their SO tell them they should grow out their hair - it means they'll be supportive of the hair journey. Perhaps he likes your hair and would like more of it? I'm so sorry to hear you had a bad cut and have been struggling for so long; it's really easy to see comments like his through the lens of our own frustration. :blossom:

In any case, the next time he tells you to grow it out, tell him "This hair ain't gonna grow itself, buster!" and plop down in front of him and make him give you a nice long scalp massage. :p

[sweetinlace]

I second communicating your feelings. Definitely don't be passive aggressive. That won't lead anywhere but towards an arguement.

[Deekers]

I would try not to take offense to it, and then in the nicest way possible, just say that you are currently growing it out but that it takes time, and you would appreciate any positive support he has for you, but that it would help if he would keep negative comments to himself because you are sensitive about it. Then, change the topic.

[MaryMarx]

I agree with the others. Hopefully you just haven't told him his comments bothers you, and if you do so he'll probably stop. :)

[spirals]

Praise Cheeses said what I was thinking. Maybe he meant that your hair is beautiful and more is better. Maybe you could ask him if that's what he meant, and if not, that will open up a discussion.

[Arien]

I would say that it doesn't sound like negativity to me. More like an opinion or a suggestion. I wouldn't take offence :).

[cherry blossom]

I would say that it doesn't sound like negativity to me. More like an opinion or a suggestion. I wouldn't take offence :).

Methinks the same too.. infact sounds like SO misses ur previous hair style...

[Coolcombination]

He is just being an bloke who doesn't realise how people think. Just act hurt and when he asks you why explain that you can't stop thinking how horrible your hair is especially because he thinks so too. This will hopefully lead to him explaining his feelings.

[Silver Sister]

Tell BF: I don't like it when you...(fill in the blank).

[LadyCelestina]

Tell him straight and blunt how you feel.While I believe there are guys who get the idea of what they are doing wrong from these mind games and suggestions,most of them will understand you better when you just simply say that you don't like their comments.

[Firefox7275]

Suggest he has a manhood enlargement operation.

[intrigued]

Like others have said, it's not possible for us to know the whole situation, but the first thing I thought was that this is not at all an insult. He just likes your hair better the way it was, which it seems like you do too, so your goals are aligned. Good thing, right? Guys tend to be straightforward with that stuff and their conversational style leans towards "presenting facts". He just wants to let you know how he feels and be honest about it. If you don't tell him otherwise, he likely won't figure out on his own that these comments are hurting you. How are you reacting when he's made these comments? You didn't mention that yet.