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View Full Version : I think my gf has wavy/curly hair... intervention?



intrigued
September 25th, 2013, 08:55 AM
So I've been poking around the forums for a little bit now, and I had read through this post yesterday - http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=115499 - by lady sleepsalot. Then later in the day my gf had washed her hair and was letting it air dry a bit. I noticed that she had pretty extreme waves (more so than the later pictures in that post, so I'm thinking a solid 2b), which I hadn't noticed much before. She finished up by blow drying her hair. She blow dries and brushes a lot and usually ends up with fairly "big" straight hair, when she has it down, or maybe it starts to get a little wavy after a couple days off-washing. She also uses a straightener semi-frequently. Oh, and she blow dries her hair because if she leaves it wet I think she has some itchiness/flakes. I've seen other posts about some of this stuff separately, but I was hoping you all might be able to give me some direct advice on a couple things.

First, I know, barring pictures, it's hard to tell, but do you think my assessment is right that she naturally has wavy/curly hair, or would there be anything else that could cause it to seem wavy while drying? Would the next logical step be to have her try the "curly girl method" or some variation of it? I've found a few sites that have a run-down, does this one seem to cover everything - http://www.wikihow.com/Follow-the-Curly-Girl-Method-for-Curly-Hair - or does anyone have a better one?

I'm also looking for your perspective on if/how I should even approach passing on this information. For background, I am very much an over-researcher and a fixer/problem solver. From my past experiences of overdoing that, my first instinct is to maybe not bring it up at all. She has her routine which has worked for her for years, and my hair is at 5 inches for the first time ever after being buzz cut for my entire life, so I don't want to be the "know-it-all" with no real experience. My hair isn't even long yet, so it seems wrong to be giving her advice on hers. On the other hand, it seems like a shame not to pass on some information that could make her happier or make her day easier. So, basically, I'm also looking for any opinions on whether I should even broach the subject in the first place, and if so, how I should go about that.

jupiterinleo
September 25th, 2013, 08:59 AM
The next time she gets out of the shower, maybe you can try saying, "Your hair is so wavy! You should let it dry on its own--it might look very pretty!" or something along those lines. If she's not into it, she's not into it. Does she know about this site? You can be like, "Hey, I found a cool website about hair care. Check it out when you get the chance." :D

Bagginslover
September 25th, 2013, 09:02 AM
I wouldn't try to push the idea on her, but maybe tell her you noticed the waves when it was wet, and you'd reall like to see her natural texture as you like wavy/curly hair. If she's open to showing you, then maybe suggest you research methods of caring for it together (very important to include her, its her hair after all, and you don't want to look pushy or controlling).

Bear in mind though, she may not want to wear it in its natural state, lots of women don't, and thats totally ok.

Firefox7275
September 25th, 2013, 09:10 AM
Sounds naturally wavy to me! Check out Naturallycurly forums, specifically the stickies on the general haircare board and newbies board, the 'before and after threads, check out YouTube especially Waterlily716 and the Devachan channel (CG authors hair salons). That Wikihow is overly simplistic, you do not have to conditioner only wash to follow the Curly Girl method, in fact that's probably not the best move for anyone with a possible scalp issue or very fine/ thin hair - you can use a super gentle sulphate free (ideally anionic surfactant free) shampoo.

I'd approach it by complimenting her waves next time on being "pretty/ gorgeous/ sexy" or other term she would love to hear from you you see them and/ or doing an "OMG come check this out!!!" with the 'before and after' threads that you 'happen' to have been browsing. Certainly that's how I had my lightbulb moment, some of the befores had MY poofy/ 'straight' unmanageable nightmare (AKA sorely abused wavy hair). If she seems disinterested she might not be ready to stop fighting her hair and embrace her waves, if she seems really intrigued you can Google for further information together or purchase the Curly Girl Handbook by Lorraine Massey as a random gift.
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/2/112354-before-after-wavies.html
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/general-discussion-about-curly-hair/47609-post-your-before-after-cg-pics.html

intrigued
September 25th, 2013, 10:00 AM
Some great ideas. I really like the "compliment it next time I see it" idea, I will probably use that. I don't think referencing her here or there will help much, she's pretty much antithesis to me, and I can't see her spending any time online researching this kind of stuff. She usually doesn't even want to be involved in the research process. IF she's open to trying something, she generally wants me to have already filtered through it. I honestly am happy either way if she wants to keep going the way she is or try something new, I just hate knowing there's that option that might work really well but that she is totally unaware of it, and probably always would be.

After browsing through some other pages on the method, which, at its heart appears to just be cone-free CO washing, I think maybe I'll even just try it myself and see how it works out. A new conditioner showing up in the common areas might spark her to ask questions, which is probably the best approach I could hope for.

Flor
September 25th, 2013, 10:02 AM
I've been reading the thread you're talking about as well and I also now discovered that I'm more likely 2c. Although I can get my hair to look like 1b/c if I just comb it while it's air-drying. Now I don't see this recent discovery as a requirement to wear curls/waves all the time. I like it that I can easily go either way without heat styling though.

Another example is my mother in law. She knows very well that she has wavy hair. And she hates it with passion. It's not about making it look nicer to her, she just likes it straight, period. I compliment her on her wavy hair every chance I get (not much chance for that though, she blow-dries it religiously in a salon), but I can tell that while she appreciates the compliments, she still feels miserable with her hair when it's not super sleek and straight.

So yeah, no all women are willing to rock their natural hair pattern, even if they know how to get the best of it. I'm sure your girlfriend will find it interesting to know that she could have nice waves/curls with a specific products/care, especially if she ever showed interest in curls by styling her hair with rollers or curling iron. But you definitely don't want to push her into dropping her styling choices in favor of natural pattern.

Firefox7275
September 25th, 2013, 10:08 AM
After browsing through some other pages on the method, which, at its heart appears to just be cone-free CO washing, I think maybe I'll even just try it myself and see how it works out. A new conditioner showing up in the common areas might spark her to ask questions, which is probably the best approach I could hope for.

CG honestly is not limited to conditioner only washing, in fact it does not even have to include co-washing you can still use a super gentle shampoo. CG is gentle non damaging cleansing, using conditioners without ingredients that build up (not only silicones but waxes and butters can be a problem) or damage the hair (esp. drying alcohols, sulphate surfactants), applying conditioning and styling products to dripping wet hair (this is a huge part), no brushing or combing other than when detangling in the shower so low manipulation, gentle drying method that encourages curl definition and discourages frizz. All parts of the method work synergistically, I've tried various aspects individually and they only have limited results.

intrigued
September 25th, 2013, 11:06 AM
@Flor - Yeah I definitely don't want to discourage her at all in her current method, just make sure she's aware of other options if she's interested, especially since she does frequently use heat styling, which is damaging, and she's recently been talking about wanting to grow her hair longer (probably ~apl now).

@Firefox7275 - Interesting. Well I know I am definitely over-simplifying it, and was doing that intentionally because I think if I'm going to present any of this information at all, I'd like it to be as straightforward as possible. At some level it will always be "what works best for the individual", but you have to start somewhere. So what would you suggest as a "starting point" routine, with as much specifics as possible (what types of products to use/when, and even specific brands if you have them)?