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View Full Version : Talk me down / Need hair advice!



citylove
September 4th, 2013, 12:44 PM
I am finally to the length I always wanted (although I am fine seeing what my terminal length is), and I am starting to hate my hair.

I would love to hear suggestions for what I can change to make my hair look nicer. I would like to make sure I have exhausted my options before I make a drastic change.

About my hair:

- First, I have categorized my hair as: 1c/M/ii.
- I wash all of my hair every four or five days, and I wash the roots every 2nd or 3rd day. I use a boars bristle brush to pull the oils down, and I remember to lightly oil about once per week.
- I use a more clarifying shampoo and and a heavy moisturizing conditioner (recently both have been Suave "Professionals" - the Aveda copy line). I find that I need the 'cones to not have heavy hair. I use olive oil when I oil because coconut oil made my hair kind of heavy and sticky and gross (even using the teeeeeeniest amount, I swear).
- I do an S & D mission about every month or so.
- Currently I have not done a deep condition in about two months (oops). My most recent S & D was about 2 weeks ago.

What I perceive as problems:
- It seems limp and bleh when worn down. The newer waves I've found just ... bleh.
- Frizz
- If I can't wear it down (because it feels and looks bleh), then why bother with long hair?
- I don't like braid waves (could I be doing it wrong? maybe I need smaller braids?)
- My new bangs (although I love them) would really benefit from a hot iron to zap the frizz but I just won't do it.


Things that I like:
- pretty buns and up styles
- the feel of my hair on my elbows
- Walking around feeling like a fully clothed lady godiva
- I recently cut in some long bangs and like them - they take away the severity of up dos and balance out my long face/tall forehead


Does anyone have any advice for me? I have been reading these forums for years and years and feel like I've read all pieces of advice, but I am at a loss about how to make them work for me and my hair.

This picture is crap but it's the best I have at the moment.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4KbELIAoJUQTFRVQTZfbmZUOXM/edit?usp=sharing

Panth
September 4th, 2013, 12:53 PM
Suggestions:
- try braid waves again (more/smaller plaits will give you smaller, more numerous waves; french/dutch plaits can help with getting wave right up to near your hairline; a paranda that is longer than your hair will ensure the waves go to the very end)
- try one of the heatless curling methods (pincurls don't work very well at that length, but you could try one method (I've forgotten the name) involving 2 scarves. Basically, you need two thin scarves that are each twice the length of your hair. Pin the tip of one into your hair just behind your ear, then firmly wrap half your hair in a spiral around the scarf. Once you get to the bottom, tuck the ends into the folds of the scarf, then wrap the remainder of the scarf in a spiral back up the stick of hair, so your hair is completely covered. Unpin the tip of your scarf and tie the two ends together. Repeat on the other side. You should get big ringlet-type curls.)

Also, is there a chance that you are wavier/curlier than you realise? You might do well by repeating your hairtyping (wash with shampoo only, air dry with no detangling, manipulation or touching, photograph when dry). If you are wavier you could try the Curly Girl technique.

AmyBeth
September 4th, 2013, 12:54 PM
Sorry all I can say is "Girl, are you crazy?!" That is some gorgeous hair!! What some of the rest of us wouldn't do to be cursed with such misfortune.;)

NuclearApple
September 4th, 2013, 12:58 PM
I think your hair is beautiful.
It's hard to do but accepting your hair the way it is,is one of the most important things in the whole routine.
Your routine is pretty good,and I don't see something wrong in it that makes your hair look bad in your opinion,maybe you could wash it twice-three times a week washing the roost and only spreading the shampoo on the lenght,without rubbing,and try to deep condition twice a month to keep it moisturized and soft.
also,if you don't use a comb to eliminate tangles and then your brush.
hope I helped :o

Mindy
September 4th, 2013, 01:01 PM
For your bangs, could you try styling them with a round brush and blow dryer set on medium or low heat? That would be a lot less damaging than a flat iron, and if you plan to keep the bangs, you'll trim off any damage before it becomes a problem.

As for the length, from your picture it looks beautiful! I would try some different heat free styling methods. Check youtube for ideas. I recently saw a tutorial using pages from a magazine to make heatless waves. I haven't tried it yet, but it looked amazing on the woman's hair in the video.

jrmviola
September 4th, 2013, 01:04 PM
You've got some very pretty hair. I cant leave mine down ever because it floats too much. Yours if very much made to be LONG like maybe Tailbone or Knee...

lapushka
September 4th, 2013, 01:24 PM
First of all, I think your hair looks amazing! There is nothing whatsoever wrong with your routine (can there ever be). If it suits you and you like the routine, then good on you, all the better! I don't think it looks limp and bleh at all. The waviness is a nice touch to it, and it's a wonderful shade of blonde. Also, I don't see any frizz. You could try making your braids a lot looser. That's the only way I like braid waves, with an extremely loose braid!

vendethiel
September 4th, 2013, 01:42 PM
Sorry all I can say is "Girl, are you crazy?!" That is some gorgeous hair!! What some of the rest of us wouldn't do to be cursed with such misfortune.;)

^ My thoughts exactly. Your hair is beautiful! I used to think that unless my hair was straight or had a good amount waves or curls it looked bad. However, I saw a woman with just a bit of body to her hair (think braid waves that pulled themselves straight, so there's just that slightly annoying amount of wave) and her hair looked amazing. My hair still might not look great, but I think we tend to be biased about our own hair's texture. I find that unless someone's hair is badly tangled, ungroomed, or terribly damaged, it looks beautiful even if the body is bleh. So, I'm afraid I'm not very helpful.

rosey4exclaim
September 4th, 2013, 01:44 PM
I think your hair looks beautiful, so I say keep doing what you're doing! As far as frizz goes, I used to have a problem with mine too ... until I started looking at other peoples' hair. Everyone has a little bit of frizz to their hair. Even celebrities. The only people I've seen with naturally smooth hair are Asian, and that's just the way their hair is. Eventually, I learned to accept that my hair will never look like a Pantene commercial ... because it's not supposed to.

spirals
September 4th, 2013, 02:11 PM
I second that about the Pantene commercial. My hair dries a bit frizzy, which I don't mind because my friends say it looks "angelic". But if I want it smoother, I run literally one tiny drop of oil over the surface. I just make sure to really, really rub my hands together well to evenly distribute it before smoothing over my hair. Second, the overall shape of my hair affects how I feel about it. By that I mean the hemline shape and what it's doing on the sides and front. Layers are part of that, too. All one length and blunt hemline work for some people but not for me right now. Maybe I'll try that later.

Pixie2013
September 4th, 2013, 02:52 PM
Have you tried two-strand rope braids to make your braid waves? Rope braids are super-easy to do and very pretty when complete, and when you take them down the resulting braid "wave" is actually more of a spiral pattern. Your hair looks very shiny and healthy. Do you feel like it's just boring when it is all down? Maybe you could try some small accent braids, half-ups, and small accessories like flowers or sparkly clips, or even just putting up a tiny section in the front with a clip or hairpin.

embee
September 4th, 2013, 05:29 PM
Frizzy. Hm.

You know how a cat's fur shimmers in the sun, all the little ends catching the light? Like a halo? How beautiful that is?

That's frizz. :)

Soft and touchable looking.
Well, that's *you*. :)

Hootenanny
September 4th, 2013, 05:38 PM
Have you considered trying the Curly Girl method? Frizz is sometimes a sign that you are curlier than you think; from your pic I wouldn't be surprised if you were actually a 2a. Basically the method involves switching to CO washing and using a leave-in. Many curlies also give up cones, but it's not necessary as long as you clarify once in a while.

In any case, your hair is lovely! Great picture! :)

citylove
September 6th, 2013, 08:08 AM
First, THANK YOU ALL. I really felt the love and appreciate the talking-down-from-ledge. It has made me rethink my expectations for my hair and see things in a new light. A halo type light perhaps, ha ha.

Based on my reading and these suggestions, I did an experiment this morning as a first step to seeing if I have more curlies, and I think I might! Especially the underside of my hair - not sure if that is because the top is more damaged / dryer? I did a full wash (condition, wash, condition), then applied a pea sized amount of conditioner as a leave-in, then applied aloe to the crown because I was feeling desperate. I did not brush it, which never in my life have I gone this many hours without brushing my hair. I am going to give the curly girl method a try -- but I really need to use shampoo. I tried CO, and it really made my hair too heavy (and took too long in the shower, honestly). So I will try sulfate free as the CG method suggests, and see what happens. If anyone has suggestions for a light gel-type product for my type of hair I'd be grateful, I will comb through other suggestions today.

Here's the pic from today ... Am I a 2a?

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4KbELIAoJUQdkxoenBmeHpWVXM/edit

citylove
September 6th, 2013, 08:16 AM
Whoops, pic??

Here it is.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4KbELIAoJUQdkxoenBmeHpWVXM/edit

citylove
September 6th, 2013, 08:17 AM
or here? https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4KbELIAoJUQdkxoenBmeHpWVXM/edit

Coolcombination
September 6th, 2013, 08:32 AM
I love the picture! I want your hair! Firstly clarify/chelate, then consider a trim, long layers or bangs/different style bangs. Try learning different styles, use deep conditioning treatments to control the frizz. Are you stressed about other areas of your life? And could you be taking it out on your hair? Try wearing it half up to control the frizz but still have the feeling of length.


That last pic seems like your more of a 2a/b :)

Wildcat Diva
September 6th, 2013, 08:40 AM
If anyone has suggestions for a light gel-type product for my type of hair I'd be grateful, I will comb through other suggestions today.

Here's the pic from today ... Am I a 2a?

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4KbELIAoJUQdkxoenBmeHpWVXM/edit

Ooh. Oooooh me! Flaxseed gel! It made my 2b hair go into three territory when I used it. YouTube can help if you want to look into making some. It can be frozen to store, into ice cube sizes, but that would be enough for probably two applications.

You have to scrunch it in though.

lapushka
September 6th, 2013, 08:50 AM
Looks like you're 2a overall to me. Nice. Hope the CG method works out for you.

jacqueline101
September 6th, 2013, 09:52 AM
Braid waves, bun waves, and maybe a bling strand.

Hootenanny
September 6th, 2013, 10:04 AM
Looks a good 2b to me, and the interesting thing about the CG method is that the longer you do it, the more waves/curls start to come out (up to a point, of course). You might get significantly wavier. Aloe is actually a good gel to use if you want to attract more moisture into your hair (it's a humectant), but I also HIGHLY recommend WildcatDiva's suggestion of flaxseed gel. Just google it and you'll find recipes. It's cheap, easy, natural, and you have total control over what ingredients you want to add (which is fun to experiment with)!

jen5972
September 6th, 2013, 11:28 AM
First off, your hair is gorgeous!! As someone who made a drastic change many times with my hair and regretted it (and am growing out my latest drastic change), I would recommend you really think long and hard before doing anything drastic. One thing you need to ask yourself is whether going shorter would change any of the issues you are having. Frizz is something that happens at any length. Cutting it won't change a thing. As for being limp, going shorter would help somewhat, but so would things like soft rollers at night when you sleep, or rag curls. When I chopped off my hair this last time in hopes that I would wear it down more, I am still wearing it up a lot, especially with summer. I think it would have to be chin length for me to not wear it up in the summer. I'm actually not a huge fan of braid waves on me either, so I get you there. I much prefer curls on me. There are great rollers like sponge rollers or wrap, snap and go rollers that are easy and work really well. As for your bangs, how short are they? I have bangs, and I blow dry them every day. They are only about 3 inches long, so they get trimmed all the time. I don't worry about damaging them because of that.

citylove
September 6th, 2013, 11:41 AM
Excellent points, Jen5972. Good ideas, thanks. Hootenany and WildCatDiva and others -- how long does the flaxseed oil gel last? If I use it on day one (full wash), can I reapply the next day or does it not work on dry hair? Is it needed on day two or three? Just looking for a clue, I know it will vary based on my hair and everything else.

I'm so grateful for the ideas in this thread!!

LaurelSpring
September 6th, 2013, 09:52 PM
Here is what I would suggest before you do anything drastic. I have been in the same boat with hair just about that long and feeling just the same way. I cut mine and then I was upset. I would suggest to read The Curly Girl Handbook and do everything she says. http://www.amazon.com/Curly-Girl-Handbook-Michele-Bender/dp/076115678X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378525736&sr=8-1&keywords=curly+girl+handbook

I checked it out at the library about 2 weeks ago and did everything she said and now its like I have a whole new head of hair that I never knew existed on my head before. I heard people mention the Curly Girl Method and thought oh its just CO washing, and that is mentioned, but there is much more to it. I am totally sold on it now.

Wildcat Diva
September 6th, 2013, 11:12 PM
Excellent points, Jen5972. Good ideas, thanks. Hootenany and WildCatDiva and others -- how long does the flaxseed oil gel last? If I use it on day one (full wash), can I reapply the next day or does it not work on dry hair? Is it needed on day two or three? Just looking for a clue, I know it will vary based on my hair and everything else.

I'm so grateful for the ideas in this thread!!

I'm really not for sure, I think it might be possible to overload on it. Might try a mister bottle to reactivate it for day two. You could always add a little more gel to your palms as you are scrunching your misted hair on day 2. Hope that helps!

spidermom
September 7th, 2013, 09:14 AM
I go through cycles of this myself - being so unhappy with my hair that all I can think about is cutting it. What helps the most is to put it up, try a new style if I have the time, but mostly get my hair out of the way and do something to get my mind off it. It always happens that one day my hair will be beautiful to me again and I'll be glad I didn't cut it.

citylove
September 10th, 2013, 09:09 AM
Thanks again for all these tips, ladies. I made a paranda with some spare yarn and wore that for the first time yesterday. Today's braid waves are fun!

Alway
September 10th, 2013, 09:18 AM
Can I have your hair? plz? :)

Panth
September 10th, 2013, 12:56 PM
Thanks again for all these tips, ladies. I made a paranda with some spare yarn and wore that for the first time yesterday. Today's braid waves are fun!

Glad you like the paranda braid waves.

One thing to point out (which many people forget) - if you get artificial waves/curls by whatever method (heat, or by braid waves / pin curls / rag curls / etc.) you then have to treat the hair like wavy/curly hair until it goes straight again. You'll get much nicer hair to wear down if you detangle your hair thoroughly, plait it, leave it to set and then unplait and DO NOT COMB OR BRUSH. Just act like a real curly and gently part the segments from the plait a few times, then leave it alone.