This Youtube Guru and pondering my priorities; plus a rude comment about my braid

[sagremus]

I was admiring this Youtuber's hair, and watched her hair care video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqFP8BBzsic


She looks so beautiful and happy with her hair. I love eccentric styles and colors and if I was younger, I would be tempted to try something like this. I have an eccentric color similar to hers right now that I am growing out using LHC principles.

But sometimes I look at those girls frying their hair with curlers and teasing and spraying and blow drying and have trouble deciding what's best. My natural hair is a dull ashy blonette, fine textured, and although on the thicker end it has virtually no volume. I braided my hair for dinner with my friends and noticed a couple of men looking at me from another table. One of them came up to me and it turns out he was gay and wanted to give me 'fashion advice.' He told me my braid made me look like I belonged on Little House on the Prairie. He also criticized my outfit and tried to point out another girl nearby who looked better. I am very self conscious about my hair and body lately as I had a massive shed from medication I was taking (see other posts) so this really bothered me. I looked at him and was appalled, and he tried to back pedal and apologize, I gave him a disgusted look and turned away.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am struggling between growing out my natural dull color/flat texture and feeling ashamed of it, but having thick and healthy hair. Versus the opposite - feeling sassy about my hair/color but frying it to hell. With my past bleaching I had a few scary moments where my hair was really bad. Also my massive shed has brought home how I need to care for my hair better. But sometimes it leaves me feeling like a plain Jane or "Little House on the Prairie" as that man put it.

[Quixii]

I'm appalled that someone would come up to you and give you insulting, unsolicited fashion "advice!" How rude! I'm sure your braid looked just fine.

As to your predicament, if I were you, I'd play around as much as I could with less damaging ways to play with my hair. Like, I don't want to fry or damage my hair. So I have loads of fun with Manic Panic and the likes, so I have fun colours but no damage. I don't bleach my blonette hair first, and it still shows up pretty vibrantly. If you wanted something more permanent, henna is supposed to even be good for hair. Healthy hair doesn't have to mean no fun colours, if you really don't like your natural colour.
Similarly, playing with rag curls or braid waves or other methods of adding volume or texture or whatever to your hair can be a fun and damage-free way to change things up. :)

[sagremus]

Thanks, I know - if it didn't happen to me, part of me wouldn't want to believe it. I think society is reaching new lows lately. I was absolutely shocked, as was the person I was with. Who has the audacity to say these things? What is wrong with people? I was enjoying myself, too, before this occurred. I would never do this to a stranger.

[stachelbeere]

I think it was so rude of him to come up to you and tell you these things, he had no right. What a j**k.

Also, there are so many no-heat styling options, just browse youtube and check various methods of curling the hair. I think what looks favourable and non-Little-House-on-the-Prairie is what you do to the front of your hair and how you frame your face to emphasise its best features. I like to check let's make it up1's channel (http://www.youtube.com/user/LetsMakeitUp1) because she has a very similar face shape to mine and the same hair texture. She has good ideas that are (or were - nowadays she uses so much heat...) TLHC friendly.

Also :D I've been checking this particular girl's videos too recently. And I was CRINGING watching what she was doing with her poor hair here:

pulling and ripping her WET hair through curlformers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z288zgvzfWk)
frying her hair and getting it stuck in a scary curling device (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt2txqEriJA&feature=c4-overview&list=UUGwPbAQdGA3_88WBuGtg9tw)
getting it fried and tangled by this scary curling blowdryer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJx5QLOeC3U)

About henna - think about it REALLY well before you apply it. That stuff stays forever.

[Flor]

Well, for starters I wouldn't listen to some random dude's fashion advice EVER, whether gay or straight. I'm very opinionated as well, but I'm also well-mannered, so I choose to keep my opinions to myself. 1) Out of fear of accidentally offending someone. 2) Because I recognize my opinion is subjective. I very much expect everyone else to do the same. Unfortunately, some people are just idiots and are best ignored.

[Night_Kitten]

WOW, some people are just unbelievable jerks! That guy had no business remarking about your appearance in such a negative way, that is just disgusting behavior! I don't know what's wrong with that dude, but the problem is definitely with him, not with you....

I second Quixii - perhaps try less damaging ways of coloring, like less damaging commercial dyes or natural products such as honey lightening or cassia?
From what I've read cassia adds shine and can also give more volume, as it coats the hair strands...
Also a clip-in strips of lighter shade that will create highlights, or wild-colored clip-ins can be a way to play with color without exposing your hair to the dye, and the advantage is you can change the colour every time you want or mix it up the way you want without having to grow out or bleach out the previous color :)
Also trying different styles and updoes to find the ones that make you look elegant and/or fancy can be a fun way to experiment with different looks and play with your hair :)

[Firefox7275]

I like 'Little House on the Prairie', in the UK we are having reruns of that and 'The Waltons' at present so I am in heaven. Pretty confident braids long predate LHOTP and will likely be around long after that idiot is dead buried and forgotten. Didn't your friends tell him where to get off? Do you really look like you care about being a fashion sheep as much as he clearly does?

Not sure what his sexual orientation has to do with the price of rice tho, lack of manners is lack of manners.

[thistledown]

I has a lady do that to me once........ignore him! It's your hair what business is it of his? You didn't ask for his opinion. I was so shocked when it happened to me I just muttered 'thanks' and keep on going, I wish I had've told her where to go now though!
Vanessa

[Squiggy]

That man needs a lesson in manners! Even though he clearly didn't like your hair and style, I bet at least one person thought you were awesome!

Everyone has their own opinion, but the only one that matters is yours! And while I do love that particular YouTube channel, I just cannot get on board with how she treats her hair. The cut and color don't bother me, it's the rough handling that makes me cringe. Every. Single. Time!

[browneyedsusan]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. That man should be ashamed of himself! (If I was with you, I would have probably punched him in the nose!) Let that nonsense slide right off your back. I wonder how he feels about chemo patients, tattoos, birth defects, veterans who've had their faces reconstructed from grenade shrapnel? What a doofus. :knuckle:

[spidermom]

Oh dear! I've gotten unsolicited make-over advice in the distant past, which I appreciated at the time because I was clueless. I don't think I changed my look all that much, though. I didn't have the money, plus DH (then BF) thought it was rude and told me to ignore it.

As for your hair, there are temporary colors that you could use to boost the color, and they gradually fade away without doing damage. I've got a coppery color in my hair right now, and I've really enjoyed the change. (I'm not sure what it is; my hair stylist chose it for me.)

[woolyleprechaun]

Perhaps mess around with a deposit only dye? It's my 'I need a change but don't want damage' staple :)

[Panth]

I agree with everyone else: the man was horrifically rude. Also, there are lots of good options for non-damaging colour changes or styles.

However, no one has really mentioned this, so I shall: you are the one living with your hair on your head. If having long hair by LHC principles makes you feel boring and ugly, then damned well do the funky colours and damaging techniques! No one should go around doing something like that when it makes them miserable! LHC (or at least the saner portions of it) is not about "no damage, at all cost!", it's about accepting that damage can restrict your growing length and being knowledgeable about and coming to terms with how much length/condition you are willing to exchange in return for doing fun, enjoyable things with your hair!

[ravenreed]

What is wrong with Little House on the Prairie? It isn't my favorite look, but it isn't the worst thing I have seen either. I need to love my hair. If that means a bit of damage along the way, I can live with that. I wore my hair in a high pony the other day because I have been feeling frumpy lately. Yeah, I had some tangles and needed to baby it for a few days after, but for one whole day I felt glorious when my hair was blowing in the gentle breeze.

ETA: That Youtuber is pretty funny. I enjoy her videos but I can't say that I would follow her for hair advice. However, she has a look she LOVES and that is great. It works for her.

[jacqueline101]

I'd ignore him be the better person.

[Vrindi]

Wow. I can't believe that guy came up to you and said those things. Did he preface his "advice" by saying he was gay, as if that's some kind of license? Lame.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Sounds like you responded appropriately though.

As for your hair, healthy hair in it's natural color and texture has it's own, unique beauty. I think ashy blonde is one of the prettiest colors. If you wanted to brighten the color, you could try things like honey and chamomile, which have conditioning properties. It could bring out some more of the golden tones. It would be subtle, but you wouldn't have to feel guilty about dyes or bleach. I haven't tried cassia yet, but that sounds like another great option.

My hair is dark blondette, and although I have great natural highlights, sometimes I get tired with the color too. I'd love to play with some Manic Panic on the ends, but my hair is recovering from a bleach disaster years ago, and I don't want to dye it anymore. Instead, I have several colored parandas that turn a "little house on the prairie" braid into something magical that gets me compliments everywhere I go. I've also started investing in pretty hair sticks and toys. These things are awesome because most people can't wear them, but long hairs can. Also, I wear simple English braids all the time, but I'll also wear 4 and 5 strand or rope braids just to look different. Or I'll let my braid be intentionally loose and drapey. Studied negligence is a thing, and if anyone comments, literally just look at them and say, "studied negligence," then turn away.

Oh yeah, I loved Little House. I'd probably have looked at the guy, said, "Thank you! That was one of my favorite shows! You're so sweet to come up to a complete stranger and pay such a nice compliment. You look really nice too. Have a nice day!" You can take anything you want to as a compliment, even if it wasn't intended that way. You get to choose how to take things. :) Besides, when you take insults badly disguised as "advice" in a complimentary fashion, it takes all the power away from the insult, and leaves the insulter utterly defeated in their goal, and hopefully thinking about why they were trying to be a jerk to someone so happy.

[AmyBeth]

Wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Why would someone think it's a good idea to go up to a perfect stranger and criticize their appearance. Bad manners much?
I would encourage you to reject the outwardly imposed standards that says your hair color, texture, whatever is in some way inadequate. Who is that man, or anyone else, to say that something is wrong with your hair and that it needs to be fixed? If your hair is long and healthy, or a work in progress, it's yours. You have to live with it. Remember, "I'm not here to decorate your world."

[Peggy E.]

I think there's been enough said about the idiot who butted, uninvited and rudely, into your pleasant day only to open his mouth and exude world-class stupidity.

Your hair is just that: YOUR hair. You know what needs to be done to grow it long and healthy, but if it isn't the beautiful look you have in mind, if it is not the hair you feel announces to the world that you are here and a force to be reckoned with, then it is not adding to your life and your self-esteem.

Add those exciting colors you long for to your hair, but take the extra care to do them so that the damage caused is minimal. You've been given several great ideas for doing this.

We are all individuals with differing desires and diverse personalities. It's important that we be allowed to set ourselves free to enjoy these special traits, to embrace the differences and not be afraid to live our lives to the fullest.

Enjoy your hair - Love your life!

[Unicorn]

It's worth remembering that no matter what you do to your hair, no matter what hair nature gave you, someone somewhere will not approve and someone somewhere will love it. I tend to pay more attention to the second group, even on days what I don't like my hair. Personally I'd regard LHOTP hair as a compliment, he just lacks taste.

Unicorn

[door72067]

after the thing that was said to me in a "sensitive" aisle of a store recently, I believe anything...people have no boundaries these days

and why equate a braid with Little House on the Prairie? Bo Derek wore braids and *she* was a "10"

[TheHowlingWolf]

Gross!!!! Ugh, I can't believe some people! It seems like some men (gay or straight) think women are only placed on this earth to look good for them and so they think women should do whatever the man thinks looks best despite what SHE wants/likes to look like. I mean, I understand if you went up to him and asked him for advice or his honest opinion, but to just come up to you?!?! That is so rude! If I were you I would have yelled and him and probably gotten a bit violent lol.

[spirals]

I love Vrindi's advice! Choose how to take it.... I actually had to do that at work yesterday, not about hair, but about something else. I was going down a road where I was assuming what someone else was thinking about my abilities, and I decided to choose the more complimentary thought, since I didn't really know what was in her head. And the negative thing I perceived turned out to not be true. OK, I don't want to go on and on, sorry--but that was a revelation to me.

But of course this rude man was thinking negative things and you know for sure he was, but still you can choose to take it as a compliment, as in "He's saying I don't exemplify the current fashion. I have a classic style, and classic endures and is remembered and long-revered." And hey, if you do want to change it up, you can. I personally like pinpoint bleached highlights on ash blonde hair. They don't turn brassy like they do on my golden brown hair. And the damage is contained to very small sections while the overall head of hair is healthy. Or you could do a "fancier" single braid like a rope or 4- or 5-strand. If you want to be with the current trend, do your single, 3-strand braid to one side. But you absolutely do not have to pay any attention to His Rudeness.

[Celtic Morla]

I probably would have looked at him and asked "When did being gay equate with being a fashion stylist?"

I do not bow to any fashion , do not dye my greying hair nor wear fashionable clothes, not much makeup BUT I have done some darn good makeup and posing on models DH and I have worked with. If you watch behind the scenes in a lot of places you will find a lot of the people in the back are plain janes/joes

[chen bao jun]

Growing up in NYC and going to high school near the Village, I got my fair share of fashion 'advice' from gay men, mostly friends (but the advice was always unsolicited) also. I went to China with a gay man two years ago (as part of a large group) and we went shopping together and lo and behold, my style was not up to HIS standards either and he also was not shy about letting me know it.

This is just my personal experience of course. There were perhaps lots of other gay men around who weren't volunteering their opinions, and I didn't notice them, but only noticed the ones who were out front with it because they were--out front with it.

And this is my personal opinion. I don't mind them giving me advice. In most cases, these have been very witty people, great fun to be around, who expressed their opinions in an amusing way. (If you were on a tv sitcom, telling the girl with the braid that she looked like Little House on the Prairie could very possibly come off as funny, rather than hurtful, in the hands of the right screenwriter. And then the stylish gay character and the style challenged girl could go shopping together, and stop off on the Tyra Banks show for one of those makeovers with the obligatory haircut, etc. etc.)

However, I don't ever feel the need to follow any of their advice. All I have to do is to take a look at one of the women they say is attractive to lose all desire to do anything they suggest. Had I followed my friend's shopping advice in China, my poor husband would have sent his quiet wife of 30 years to China looking one way and seen a real bird-of-paradise step off the plane on the return trip, made up, hair styled, plunging neckline, sequins in the daytime (seriously, one suit he really wanted me to have custom had sequins on it), not for me, sorry.

Your own style is just fine, I'm sure.

[Hairitic]

You might want to look into Cassia. It gives benefits similar to Henna but won't turn you into a Red Head. It might brighten up the blonde by making it a little more yellow. :p

[jeanniet]

Personally I like blonette hair a lot, but I can understand wanting something different. There are many ways to color your hair without damaging it, or doing a color streak. You can find a balance that will let you have fun and still keep it healthy.

[blondecat]

Are You sure he was Gay?

Sounds like one of those guys that like to insult a woman to get her to respond and that gets a conversation going.

A really bad pick up line of thinking.

a bait hook reel sinario. Sighh

(((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) I love wearing my hair in a plait.

Immagine the weird looks i get when I wear pig tails lol. (yes, I do)

[blondecat]

read this one

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/yemm3/im_a_girl_and_i_think_some_of_the_pua_techniques/

it's about 'negging'

snip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, now that being said, imagine you come up and talk to this girl. One of the techniques that just kills me regarding PUA is the negging. Really? You have to passive-aggressively insult a girl, who probably has self-esteem issues anyway, in order to make her lower her self-esteem some more? You don't need to do that. Don't do that. Just be honest and if she looks good, tell her so. Then, if she acts like a bitch, tell her she was hot until she opened her mouth."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[spirals]

Immagine the weird looks i get when I wear pig tails lol. (yes, I do)
I'm 39 and wear twin braids to work frequently.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

If someone was rude enough to walk up to me and give unasked for "advice" I would certainly not listen to a word of it. How DARE he??????

And I love the hair on LHOTP.... if yours looks like that then I bet it is lovely!

Please don't feel down...

[redtuss]

Hehe, just had to say that I watched the video you linked and that girl is crazy funny! :) I've practiced similar hair "care"-methods myself in that age and would not use them again but I just love her attitude, she is wonderful! Had to watch some more just because I like her style, she seems like a confident and strong person.

Anyhow, the incident you describe sagremus, is horrible. That man should be so ashamed of himself.

I think that at first glance a sassy haircut and colour might come off as more appealing then a natural head of hair. But when you take the time to look twice, the beauty of healthy hair, regardless of colour, is in every aspect superior to unhealthy, fried hair.
Anyone can get a new and sassy, potentially harming, hair do and a new colour but it takes time to achieve long, healthy and natural hair, it's more exclusive - try to think of it that way instead :)

For example; take a look at the poster above me; Sarahlabyrinth, the photo in her signature and the profile pic are amazing - that shine and texture is so beautiful! Remarkable! (I really love your colour!!)
The girl on Youtube is great but her hair cannot be compared to the above posters hair, it just wipes the floor with the competition!
And I bet that your "dull" hair is beautiful as well, I bet that your hairs colour looks different in different lights since it reflects the light differently then coloured hair. Ashy colours are so elegant and a wide range of colours can be worn with it and make it pop!

I for one have always been jealous of the ashy-haired girls ability to wear green and look adorable! Keep rocking your hair!

[LaurelSpring]

Obviously he is gay, because straight men love long hair, while pretty much every woman I have known (not LHC sorts of people, but hair killers) think Im crazy for having long hair, and every straight man I know absolutely loves it. I have long hair for me. I love it. I have seen plenty of red carpet fashion models in a braid. Does my hair look amazing every day? Nope. But, the potential is there for it to be amazing every day depending on what I feel like doing to it. Color wise, maybe try some Cassia. I love it. It gives me lots of shine and volume. One friend told me one day that my bun made me look matronly. I said, "Havent you ever heard.....Hot for Teacher? LoL

[CurlMonster]

I love grav3yardgirl for her attitude, she is just hilarious and so unafraid to be weird. I always regret watching her hair videos though, because she is so rough with her hair. I would never follow her hair advice, that is for sure.

Sorry about what that guy said to you, that's so rude. I think braids are lovely and you shouldn't worry about what that rude person thought of you.

[RavennaNight]

Wow. Some people just don't know where the line is with unsolicited advice. Sorry that happened to you. Ignore it, clearly he needed to put someone else down because inside of him something is lacking.

[alimc]

Oh my, I'm embarrassed for that men. What an absolute idiot!! And so so rude!! Who was he to decide on how you look or feel?! People are far too quick to judge by looks, hair and clothes and all it tell us is they are shallow and un-interesting and do not deserve our time or effort... *two fingers to him* . I hope you realise it's his problem not yours... :blossom: